Creating Inner Peace in Outer Chaos

Transcript

Jim 0:03

Hello, and welcome to this episode of Decide on Joy, a podcast coming to you from Harmony Spiritual Center in Fort Worth, Texas. My name is Jim Koval.

Speaker 2 0:13

And my name is Reverend Dr. PJ Stanley. Welcome, and thank you so much for being here today.

Jim 0:18

Um, our topic today is creating inner peace in outer chaos. Um, it seems particularly pertinent just-

Speaker 2 0:29

I think it is

Jim 0:30

at the moment. Um-

Speaker 2 0:31

I think it is

Jim 0:32

probably will still be when this actually comes out. Yeah. Uh, um-

Speaker 2 0:38

Yeah

Jim 0:38

so how do we define inner peace? Uh, you think you know what that means, but- Yeah.

Speaker 2 0:44

Yeah, what does it, what it... And, and so I, I guess it's- Mm-hmm kind of an individualized situation, so I'll just talk about what it means to me. Peace, um, is, it's, it's not just calm because I, it is calm. I am calm, but it's also this, this feeling like, for me, as though everything is all right. Like, everything is going to be all right. Um, things are happening the way they should be happening, and I don't need to worry about some individual thing that might be going on, someone else's concerns. I don't have to do any of that. So I get peace from, from my own inner knowing that I have this relationship, um, with something greater than myself, and that's where my peace comes from, knowing that, that that's what's actually in control of my life, um, in what, in the things that are going on, not someone who's raising heck, um, or, uh, talking loudly or whatever that may be, or someone else around us. Um, it's not that. So I don't have to look to that and when are they going to quiet down? They can keep on. It doesn't, doesn't change. So that, so that, that puts me in control of my life. My life isn't, and your life isn't either, uh, controlled by what someone else is doing. It's controlled by what you decide you wanna do, what you decide, um, you, how you wanna react, how you wanna be. You get to do that.

Jim 2:10

Okay. I'm gonna ask the hard question here.

Speaker 2 2:12

Yes. Yes, please. Please.

Jim 2:13

How does that apply if, say, you're in Gaza, or if you're in Kyiv, or if you're in G- One of the African countries that's in constant turmoil.

Speaker 2 2:25

Right.

Jim 2:25

You aren't... I'm sorry, you are affected by what other people are doing, unavoidably, it seems.

Speaker 2 2:33

You, it, okay, and that's a great question. It's, what, and I don't remember the, the name of the book. Um, but what I do know is that there are a number of, of, of books that have been written, um, that, that I turn to to say, "Yeah, around me, you know, there, there's riots going on. There's, um, chaos. There's people just all energetic and excited. Yes, there's guns firing." Um, and yet people have to live. People do live. People do have pieces and places where there's joy, joy in a family, joy in a, in a, in a person that you love, joy in... You know what I mean? And so, so, um, we're not denying that there are horrible things going on in the world. I'm not saying that. I'm not saying that, um, there, you might not, that you may be living in a, in a city or a place or a neighborhood that may be more violent than you'd like, but that's not your daily experience. And maybe it is.

Jim 3:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2 3:29

But yeah, maybe, maybe it is. I, you don't have any control over that. So the, the, the question comes back to, what do you have control over? And what in that surrounding can you do that would bring you peace? And you have to find that. Hmm. The fact that a smile on my, on my daughter's face brings me peace. That's a sm- it's not world peace, but it's my inner peace, and that's what we have to seek. If we can't do that, then, then we're not going, then our lives are in someone else's control. Yes, what someone else does is what they're doing, and I have no control over that. But you do have control over how you're going to deal with or handle or think about what else is going on in the world. You have control over that. Yeah, and if someone comes up and shoots you, well, they come up and shoot you. You don't have any control over that. But you do have control over where you're gonna worry about that. You do have control over where you're gonna find, in your corner of your world, peace. Mm-hmm. How are you gonna find that? Mm-hmm. And that's the question you have to ask yourself all the time. Where is the joy? Where can I find it? 'Cause there's joy in everyday living in some way.

Jim 4:38

Yeah. Yeah. I, I see that.

Speaker 2 4:39

You know? It just is.

Jim 4:40

Yeah. Um...

Speaker 2 4:42

I don't know if that answers your question, but that's how

Jim 4:44

I

Speaker 2 4:44

deal

Jim 4:44

with it. Well, a- a- and yes, it does- Yeah in, in part. I mean, I still Um, yeah. Yes, it does.

Speaker 2 4:52

Okay.

Jim 4:53

Yes. Okay. Um, um- So I've, I've-

Speaker 2 5:00

Yeah

Jim 5:00

drawn blank here.

Speaker 2 5:01

That's okay. It's okay. It's, uh... because one of the things as we were, as we were thinking about this topic, that I was just thinking about, because both of us are in, um, theater. You know, we're in the arts. And if there's n- if, if you could imagine a more chaotic situation than being around artists and, and actors who are just, just really busy and there's a lot going on. They're concerned about whether they're gonna rem- get, you know, get their lines together or whether someone's gonna mess their lines up or any number of things. Um, and I remember being in that situation and my teacher saying, "You always seem so calm." And my point for that was, "Yes, I have to be, because if I get involved in the chaos, I'm not gonna remember my lines. I'm not gonna remember why I'm here. I'm not gonna remember what I'm doing." And so in, in that energy of theater, I have to find a quiet place for me to know myself and my heart and my, and my, um, character, whatever it is I'm trying to do. So I get to do that, and that is a decision that I make, and it's a decision that others make. Because some people are... their, their roles are better for them if they are energetic and in that energy. For me, it's not. For me, it's calm and peace, and then I get to breathe through it. So again, that's a decision I made, and it's a decision other people make about whether they wanna be calm or whether they just wanna be in that energy of, of music and theater and just excitement.

Jim 6:31

Yeah. I, I, I would say- Yeah having worked in theater for a long time, I would not agree that it's always chaotic. Um- Okay but not... No.

Speaker 2 6:42

Okay.

Jim 6:43

Uh, but perhaps compared to where you wanted to be, it was chaotic, but, but-

Speaker 2 6:49

Well, when you're dealing with, with... And I guess my, my theater experience is around, uh, was around s- in high school, around teenagers. Mm-hmm. And, you know, and so perhaps that was it. There was another situation that we did, and I can't remember what it was called. I think it was, I think we called it forensics, but it's where you, you went and you- Yeah you know? Is that what you called it? I,

Jim 7:06

I think

Speaker 2 7:06

so. And so there...

Jim 7:06

Yeah.

Speaker 2 7:07

Yeah. And so there was where you're alway-- where you're going to do one-on-one, um, whether, whether you're doing a solo act, you're doing it yourself, um, whether you're doing a partnership, so the two of you are, are, are, are d- are doing a scene together, um, whether there's four of you. Whatever it is, there was always those kinds of things going on, and it was just a lot of energy and chaos going on, um, during those times, and that's where my experience comes from. Oh, yeah,

Jim 7:30

cer-certainly energy, yeah.

Speaker 2 7:32

Yeah, yeah.

Jim 7:33

Uh, but yes.

Speaker 2 7:34

Yeah. And so for me, that's just all. So I guess the bottom line or the point is, is that you get to decide what, where you wanna be, and you have to know yourself a little bit. Like what works best for you? Is the energy the thing that works best for you or is it not? And not always... The, the energy is not a bad thing. It's not a negative. It's knowing yourself and what really works for you. And can you get excited and get into your, whatever it is you're trying to do? Or can you s-decide, "Hey, I-- that I want this at, at this point. Yes, I do want it at one point. No, I don't want it at that point." And so that's where you have, um, that's where you have the decision-making for what you are willing to do or not do, how you live your life, not based on what someone else is doing, but based on what you'd like to do, regardless of what someone else is doing.

Jim 8:20

Mm-hmm. And- So I, I know you, you, you say that that peace, um, comes from knowing that, um, y- because of your spiritual relationship- Exactly and all

Speaker 2 8:36

that. That is correct.

Jim 8:36

Um- Yeah so I guess the, the simple answer to how do I achieve that peace is achieve that relationship. I, um, which is- Well,

Speaker 2 8:46

you know, that's a good que- that's a g- that's a very good question, or thought, or did you finish it? Did I s- cut you off? Okay. Sorry. Um, I, I, I think that we have to have some place within ourselves where we, where we can be quiet and know the, the voice of truth, however you accomplish that. It could be just listening to a piece of music. It could be meditation. It could be sitting... There's, uh, I have a girlfriend who, the way that she achieves that peace is digging in her rose garden.

Jim 9:16

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 9:16

So, you know, it doesn't matter, but there has to be something that you've decided that you can go to, and whether you physically go to it or you think about it, 'cause she's not always some place where she can dig in her garden. But she can think about it, and that, the, the, all those things- Mm come to her. For me, um, it is a, a, a, it's a, it's a, it's a beginning every day with meditation. Not the meditation itself, but the connection to that peaceful place in my, in my, in my soul, so that any time that's going on as the day goes by, I can come back to it and, and be there. So that's, that's what I use. And I'm not advocating that you use what I'm using. I'm saying that you can decide that there is a place, a thing that you can do, and that's for you to j- to figure out what is that peaceful place for you. Could be holding your dog, your cat, you know, something that you love. Could be remembering holding the cat, taking a picture of it. Um, I don't know what it is. But that's for you to decide because that's where you have control over whether you're going to go off the deep end or whether you're going to, and, and allow something else to allow that to happen, or whether you find a peaceful place in your heart to be when there is chaos going around. And I'm not, I'm not, uh, war is a whole different thing, but I'm talking about the, the warring that goes on in your mind and with other people. You can do that. You can decide.

Jim 10:32

Yeah. Um, I think, you know, it, it just occurred to me listening to that, I think certainly not in every line of work, but all, some certainly, and particularly at high ends- There is no encouragement to, to be calm. There is only you have to be constantly driven and, and, and planning and, you know-

Speaker 2 10:59

I didn't, I didn't catch the, the, the scenario you're t- you're talking about. What scenario

Jim 11:02

is it? And, and a lot of lines of work. A lot of- Oh, oh,

Speaker 2 11:04

just lots of lines of work. Okay

Jim 11:05

I mean, say you're in a high-powered law firm, for instance, or lots of, of... Or if you're in a tech company that's, you know, if you're in development and stuff, there's a lot of pressure there to be, well, less so the tech thing maybe. Well,

Speaker 2 11:23

yeah, yeah. No, because you're, you're, you're trying to get somewhere. You're trying to beat the other person to a, a, um, to, to a thing that you want out there, be the first to have it out there, whatever it may be. Um, I was a peace officer. I retired as a, as a peace officer. There's a lot of-- I was around a lot of gang members, a lot of fighting going on and all that kind of thing. And so yeah, there's always th- there are all kinds of jobs like that. But again, I really do I, I advocate that whatever job you have, before you get there, you can't just be in the middle of it and say, "Oh, where's the peace at?" You have to already know where it is. You have to already have established that within yourself. And so, yeah, in the middle of trying to take a kid down or, or stop somebody from attacking somebody else, the energy is there. But then you're gonna... There's always that aftermath of staying high and bringing yourself back to that peaceful place that you wanna be in. And having that around the other people, the other children, the other teenagers, the other people that are involved in that, because I don't wanna be that high in that place where I needed to be to stop the fight with the other people that weren't involved in that, and that their hearts are racing as well. So the... So you being peaceful and calm can bring the peace to other people as well. That was part of my... I felt like, and not everybody felt that way, but I felt it was part of my job to do that. Yeah. Not only, you know, not only come to the, uh, rise up when I needed to, but also come back down and assist others that weren't involved in that, but their hearts were racing. So-

Jim 12:47

Yeah

Speaker 2 12:47

you know? Yeah. Very- So you have

Jim 12:48

to-

Speaker 2 12:49

Yeah.

Jim 12:49

Y- yeah. That makes sense, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 12:51

Yeah.

Jim 12:51

Um-

Speaker 2 12:52

So again, I'm just advocating that you decide. As we always say, decide on joy. You decide what peace looks like and how, how you can get there regardless of what the situation may be, or whether you, something came and took you high and out of your peaceful place, how do you come back? 'Cause there, there is that. There's always coming out- Yeah

Jim 13:11

and coming back. And so how do you come back?

Speaker 2 13:12

Uh, the... Well, that's, um, that's going to be a, a personal choice- Mm-hmm what works best for you. Um, but it, it really, and it seems like th- th- that's a, it's... Like everybody says that, but until you try it, it, uh, I can tell you right now, breathing actually does help. Actually taking... Uh, and you hear people say, "Take a breath. Take a breath." Yeah. That is very helpful to just take a breath and release the energy. When, when you're taking a breath is r- is, is, is letting the energy of that negative thing, releasing it, letting it... Not all, does not go at once, but bringing it d- down. Um, and so that's the first thing I would say, is just- Yeah learn how to breathe.

Jim 13:51

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:51

Learn how to breathe.

Jim 13:52

Yeah.

Speaker 2 13:52

Yeah.

Jim 13:52

And as you say, learn how to breathe, 'cause it g- it c- there are ways of breathing that are more helpful than others.

Speaker 2 13:59

They really are. They absolutely are, and it's definitely... Well, and then when we're in a panicky state, we, you can see the breath goes really fast and you're, and you're, and you're breathing short.

Jim 14:07

Yeah.

Speaker 2 14:08

And

Jim 14:09

s- And, and when you, you know, when you, you say take a breath, well, if, if what you do is just what you would normally, you know, like- Yeah, yeah you just, you just go "Okay. All right. I took a breath." "I got a

Speaker 2 14:19

breath." Yeah. Yeah. No,

Jim 14:20

no. No. No,

Speaker 2 14:21

no. That's not the breath we're talking about.

Jim 14:24

Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 14:24

Yeah. It's the calming breath.

Jim 14:26

Yeah.

Speaker 2 14:26

And the calming breath is a long, deep breath. Yeah. So, you know, these are the, these are the... For me, what makes life, what make life, what makes it feel like I am in control of my life is the decisions I get to make about what I wanna, how I wanna be, how I wanna react. And yeah, there are gonna be things that are gonna take you out of what you would normally do. But then t- to recognize that this is not my norm, my norm is back here. So finding your norm is part of the peace in your life. What is the norm for you, and how do you get there? And that takes practice before you, you're in a situation where that takes you outside of the norm.

Jim 15:09

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Um, good. We g- I think we, we can end there. So go practice, uh, on that. Yeah. Uh, and if you're not already there.

Speaker 2 15:20

Exactly. And- Decide on it if you want to. Just decide. It, this whole, uh, this whole podcast is about the decisions you get to make for your life. And when you, I think when you know that, that you can make a choice, you can make a decision, that your life becomes your own. It doesn't feel like it's out of, in someone else's, someone else's hands. It's in your hands.

Jim 15:40

Okay.

Speaker 2 15:40

Yeah.

Jim 15:41

Thank you for being here, and we will see you next time. That doesn't make sense. I always say, "We'll see you next time." We're not seeing you. We're

Speaker 2 15:47

not seeing you, but hey- You- We'll... I'll see you later.

Jim 15:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2 15:50

You'll hear from us.

Jim 15:51

You'll, you'll hear us next time