Encore: The Shadows

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Welcome to another episode of take care of time, the tales and exhales of caregivers. I am your host, Beverly Nance. As we reached the end of autism awareness acceptance month. It's important to reflect on what we've learned and how we can carry forward the spirit of understanding and support throughout the year. Today we dwelve into a deeply personal and often hidden aspect of autism. Caregiving. We explore the immense pressures and challenges faced by parents and the crucial need for comprehensive support systems. Let's continue to build awareness, foster acceptance. And push for actionable change in how we support autistic individuals and their families every day. You will not find this type of story on any hallmark channel. Or on any network because it dwelves into the raw often unspoken realities that many families face daily. This episode aims to shine a light on the deep and complex Emotions involved in caring for a child with autism. We're addressing difficult conversations about mental health struggles, the sense of isolation and the immense responsibility that caregivers carry on their shoulders. It's about bringing to the forefront, the stories that are typically left in the shadows, providing a platform for understanding and empathy that transcends the often idealized narratives presented in mainstream media Before we begin today's episode. We want to acknowledge that the content may be particularly sensitive for some listeners, as it discusses themes of mental health crisis including thoughts of self-harm and suicide. Please consider whether this is the right time for you to listen to such content. If you or someone, you know, is struggling, we encourage seeking support from mental health professionals. Resources and contact information for help, will be provided at the end of this episode. Your wellbeing as important, and we urge you to take care of your mental health as you join us today. and don't forget to subscribe for more. It was a muggy July evening in 2014. The kind where the air felt thick enough to swim through. Inside Oakland hospital the atmosphere. Was just as oppressive. With the relentless buzz of activity and the undercurrent of urgency that always accompanied a late shift. Mia Flores, glanced at the clock. Just a few more hours to go. She rubbed her temples, feeling the onset of a headache that had been threatening all day. As Mia moved through her rounds. Her thoughts were turbulent. Each interaction with patient and staff was mechanically precise. Her training taken over when her focus wavered. But beneath the routine exchanges. And clinical smiles. Mia's mind was elsewhere. It wandered back to her son, Jamie, who have been more withdrawn lately? His smiles fewer at his frustrations and outbursts more frequent. Her heart ached for him. Was life always going to be this hard for him. She thought. Was he destined to never have a friend to ever live on his own. Mia was tired. I wanted out. She wanted a normal life. She wanted to sleep eight hours. She wanted to enjoy normal friendships and enjoy normal career promotions. But here she was stuck in the hospital. Working nights. Administering medications. Checking vital signs and plastering on a facade of composure. In the medication room, Mia's hands trembled. As she prepared doses for her patients, the vials of sedatives. Painkillers and antidepressants lined up neatly on her cart, a stark reminder of her own growing dependence on stolen moments of peace from these very medications. As she pocketed a small bottle of sedatives. Flash of shame serves through her, this wasn't her. This wasn't the nurse or the mother. She wanted to be. But exhaustion, depression and stress had he erroded, her resolve. And desperation whispered that it was the only way to make it. Three months ago. Mia had begun secreting away, small amounts of sedatives and painkillers. From her patients, prescriptions. After the doctor's issuance. Review. Preparation. Dispensing retrieval and verification. And before the administration to the patient, Mia stole a small amount for herself. She documented and monitored as usual and so far. So good. Mia always dreamed of being a nurse. She had a heart for service to others. And she knows exactly where her life took a turn for the worst for her. Mia shift ended in a blur. She signed out her mind, foggy her steps. Automatic. As she walked to her car. The night air felt like a slap interface. jolting and her back to reality. She paused leaning against her car as a stolen vials, pressed against her thigh in her pocket. She opened her trunk and hit the vials in the wheel-well with the rest of the vials that she had been stealing for three months. In that quiet parking garage under the faint glow of the lights, Mia ponder the decision that she made three months ago. Mia dialed her husband Ken her voice steadier than she felt. I need to tell you something important when I get home mia said Mia. I can't talk to you right now. Are you on your way? Jamie is having another breakdown. Mika here, Jamie in the background. Mia's heart was heavy as she sat in her car, the engine Eileen softly in the background. She held her phone to her ear. And immediately she heard the sound. She had been reading all day, the unmistakable cacophony of Jamie's distress, echoing through her ears. Hey, Mia, are you there? Are you on your way? Ken's voice was tense, frayed at the edges for managing the situation alone. I can hear him. Cut in her voice, a whisper. It makes a worry and weariness. What happened this time? Ken sighed the sound heavy and defeated. He had a meltdown right after school. It's been a rough Mia. Uh, he wouldn't calm down, not with their usual routines. I've tried everything. Mia listened her gaze fixed on the dashboard imagining Jamie's frustrated tears. His sense of overwhelming confusion that she knew all too well, but felt powerless to soothe from afar. Any small change in his normal routine and Jamie fell apart. Which means all of us fall apart. Jamie is nonverbal. So he can't tell us what is wrong. There was a pause and Mia felt the weight of the next words, like a physical burden. Ken. I, I don't know if I can come home tonight. The admission felt like a betrayal. Her role as a mother warring with exhaustion and despair. That clawed at her insides. Mia what do you mean? Ken's confusion was palpable We need you. Jamie needs. You. Tears stung Mia's eyes. Blurring the parking lot lights into halos of soft gold. I know it's killing me. But I'm not okay, Ken, I'm really not. She confessed the true spilling out in a rush. If I come home now in this state, I won't be the help that you and Jamie need. I might make things worse. Ken was silent for a moment. Processing her words. What are you saying? I'm you talk to me? I have been struggling Ken more than, you know, it's gotten bad. I've been taking medications just to get through the day. The confession was a relief. And a new kind of pain all at once. Ken's voice softened. Oh, Mia. Why didn't you say something sooner? Because I'm supposed to be the strong one Mia replied. a sob catching in her throat. But I can't do it anymore. We need help, Ken, I need help, but there is no help. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm just so tired. I'm tired of going without sleep. I'm tired of having to work nights. I'm just tired of everything. I just need a break. She confessed the truth spilling out in the rush. Kim was silent for a moment processing her words. What are you saying? Talk to me. Okay. What do you want to do? You want to spend the night at your mom's? Mia sobbing. Yes, I can't do this tonight. I'm tired. Okay, Mia. Mia we'll manage tonight. Call me when you get there. So I know that you made it. Okay. Mia hung up. Her decision made. Mia exits the parking garage and heads north. She passes the library where she ain't Ken met. Seeing the library. She is drawn into the day that she first met Ken Flores. Mia Carta Garcia. was always drawn to the quiet solace of libraries. As a nursing student at UC Berkeley, she spent countless hours nestled among the books. Her studies often veery towards holistic health practices. It was during one of these serene afternoons that her path cross with Kim Flores in a matter, neither of them had predicted. Ken at the time was an entrepreneurial spirit hustling through his business degree. Always on the lookout for new ventures and opportunities. That particular day, he ventured into the library, seeking a quiet corner to refine his latest business plan. It concept revolving around eco-friendly transportation solutions. If a fleet of electric trucks for local businesses, aiming to reduce their carbon footprint. They're meeting was result of a simple mix up. Ken absorbed in his spreadsheets and projections accidentally gathered some of me his papers along with his own, during a moment of absentmindedness When he later opened his folder at a nearby cafe, he realized the mistake among his business analyses. were detailed notes on the benefits of aromatherapy and stress reduction Clearly not part of his domain. Amuse and intrigue can return to the library, hoping to find the owner. Spotting Mia, clearly distressed searching for her to shoveled notes. Ken approached papers in hand with the cheapest grin. You looking for these. Ken's voice broke through me as growing anxiety, surprised and relieved. Mia looked up. to see a stranger extending her loss notes. Gratitude quickly turned into conversation as Mia thanked him and they began to chat about their respective fields of study. Their initial exchange sparked a connection as soon deepen through shared interests in sustainability and wellness. Kim was fascinated by me as passion for holistic health. A concept he considered for his future employees, wellness programs Mia intern, appreciated Ken's innovative approach to business and its commitment to environmental sustainability. As their years at the university unfolded. Mia and Ken found themselves collaborating on various projects, blending their expertise, mia introduced wellness programs into Ken's business plans while Keon helped me, uh, I understand the business aspect of healthcare. Their partnership flourished both professionally and personally. By the time they graduated, they were not just business collaborators, but life partners. Their relationship rooted in mutual respect and shared visions. After graduation can launched is eco-friendly truck fleet with Mia developing an onsite wellness program for the company's drivers. They married. Committed not only to each other. But to their shared goal of making a positive impact on the world. Their journey. Wasn't just a love story. It was a partnership that builds bridges between health and business. Proving that when the right people come together, They can create something truly transformative. A couple of years after they married, Jamie was born seven pounds and one ounce. The early, most of Jamie's life were filled with typical challenges. on new parenthood, sleepless nights and endless diapers But also moments of profound love and connection. However, as Jamie grew, me and Kim began to notice that his development was not following the typical patterns. Jamie didn't respond to his name. Avoided eye contact and seemed unusually disturbed by loud noises and busy environments. But at the time, Jamie was to the concerns that me and Ken harbored can no longer be dismissed. After several consultations and assessments with pediatric specialists, Jamie was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. This diagnosis came as a shock. Yet it also provided a framework for understanding Jamie's unique needs and behaviors. The diagnosis. Martha is significant turning point for me and Ken. He bought clarity, but it also bought a new set of challenges and responsibilities that they had not anticipated. The dreams that they had harbored for their son had to be adjusted to fit his needs and potential. I determined to provide Jamie with the best support and opportunities. Mia and can dove into learning everything they could about autism. They attended workshops, join support groups. And adapted their home to be more accommodating to Jamie sensory, sensitivities Mia, with her background in nursing and holistic health research therapies that could compliment. Jamie's prescribed treatments, integrating techniques like aroma therapy and structured play into his daily routine. As years past the challenges of raising a child with autism did not diminish. But Mia and Ken's ability to handle them grew. They learned to celebrate Jamie small victories, a new word. A moment of connection, as successful adaption to a slight change. In his routine. Each achievement was a Testament to Jamie's resilience and to their own. Ken's business provided the flexibility needed to attend Jamie's appointments and therapies. And me as night shift work at the hospital, kept her at the forefront of emerging health care strategies that could benefit Jamie. They're home became a hub of warmth and understanding it plays for Jamie. Could feel safe and loved. However Jamie's autism resources only grew less as he grew older. Jamie was now having seizures and aggressive behavior. He has to be locked in the house to prevent him from leaving at night, he pulls out his hair. He destroys his bedroom. There's a padlock on the refrigerator. He has outgrown Mia and she can not handle him without putting herself in harm's way. He doesn't sleep regularly and he is prone to leaving school. If not watched. A car honked his horn and brings me up out of her thoughts. She continues to pass a library and heads to a hotel. Join us next week on take care of time, the tales and exhales of caregivers as we explore the aftermath of Mia's night away. We'll delve into the crucial role of self care for caregivers and often unspoken challenges they face and the impact of these pressures on family dynamics. We'll also hear from experts on strategies for managing caregiver stress. And the importance of community support. Don't miss this important continuation of our series. As we shed light on the realities. Many caregivers face and the pathways to resilience and recovery. If you or someone, you know, is experiencing thoughts of suicide. He is crucial to seek help immediately. We recommend the national suicide prevention lifeline. Their website is suicide prevention, lifeline.org. This lifeline provides 24 7 free and confidential support for people in distress, as well as prevention and crisis resources for you and your loved ones. For those of you who are outside the United States. Please reach out to your local mental health services or crisis hotlines. Immediate help is vital and available. Are you interested in learning more about autism? Here are some facts. The centers for disease control and prevention. The CDC reports that approximately one in 36 children in the United States were identified with autism spectrum disorder, according to their 2020 data. Most children. Are still being diagnosed after age four, although ASD can be diagnosed as early as age two. Early diagnosis and prevention are critical and can significantly improve outcomes. ASD autism spectrum disorder. Is about four times more common among boys than along girls. This disparity. Has been consistent in various studies and reports over the years. Families with children with ASD. on average incur significantly higher medical expenses compared to families. Without additionally, there are substantial costs associated with special education. and care needed. for individuals, with autism. It is common for children and adults with ASD to have co-occurring conditions, such as ADHD. Anxiety disorder, epilepsy, or depression. which can complicate diagnosis and treatment. Diagnosis rates and access to services. Can vary significantly across different racial and ethnic groups with concerns about under-diagnosis or later diagnosis in some communities potentially due to disparities in access to healthcare services or cultural biases These statistics are based on the most recent data available from the CDC and other health institutions reflecting the prevalence and characteristics of autism. To help inform policies, interventions, and supports. Please note that this episode features reenactments and dramatize details. While the most cases, the exact verbatim dialogue may not be known. Oh, traumatizations are grounded in research. To respect the privacy and confidentiality of individuals involved names and some identifying details have been changed. Do you have an interesting caregiver story that you would like to have sold? Please email us at. podcasts@takecareoftime.com. We would love to hear from you. During life storms, finding a moment to pause. I can feel like a distant dream. This is why we created the take your time and respite box designed specifically for caregivers who give so much of themselves every day. Each take care of time and respite boxes, fill it with curated items to sooth, uplift, and reinvigorate From aromatic stress relief candles. and luxourus bath salts to herbal teas and custom journal for your thoughts.. Every element is chosen with care and intention. So scribe today and give yourself or a caregiver, you know, the gift of a well-deserved break because taking care of others. Begins with taking care of yourself. Visit take your time.com to order your, take your time respite box. Because everyone deserves a moment to breathe. Until next week, take care. and don't forget to subscribe for more.