Encore: The Shadows 2

Transcript

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Before we began today's episode. We want to acknowledge that the content may be particularly sensitive for some listeners, as we discussed themes of mental health crises including thoughts of self-harm and suicide. Please consider whether this is the right time for you to listen to such content. If you were someone, you know, is struggling, we encouraged you to seek support from mental health professionals, resources and contact information for help will be provided at the end of this episode. Your wellbeing is important and we urge you to take care of your mental health as you join us today. Welcome back to take care of time, the tales and exhales of caregivers. Where we shared journeys of caregivers. Today we continue the story of Maria Flores and mother nurse. As she faces one of the darkest nights and seeks a night of rest Today's episode, we find me a Flores. In a hotel room, surrounded by silence, the weight of her choices and a pivotal moment that could change everything. Yeah. The room is dimly lit, the curtains drawn tight against the intrusion from the outside, world Mia sits on the edge of her bed. It stark figure framed. by the sparse deck or in the hotel room. On the table beside her. lay several vials medications not prescribed for her, but taken from her workplace in moments of desperation. Mia picks up a vile, rolling it between her fingers. Her mind racing with the consequences of her actions. Both taken and contemplated. Her thoughts, squirrel with confusion and fear. What am I doing? This isn't me. This isn't. Who I want to be. As a night deepens. Mia is left alone with their thoughts. Each one, a heavy stone in the growing wall between her and the world outside. I need to find another way. These. These are not the answers. This is not the answer. With a resolve that feels fragile. Yep. Fears. Mia sets the vials aside. She reaches for a note pad, the stark white. Oh, the paper, a blank canvas for her turmoil. She begins to write. Not a note of despair. But a letter. Dear Ken. She begins. Her words initially directed at her husband, the partner. Who she has shared her burdens and joys. But as she writes, she pauses. Her eyes filling with tears. The words feel inadequate, unable to capture the magnitude of her internal storm. She takes a deep breath, steadies her head and begins a new. Dear God. She writes her script steadier. As if the shift in address leads to a newfound strength. I don't know where to begin. I'm lost. I'm scared. I reached a point where I don't recognize myself anymore. I'm a mother. A wife, a nurse. I'm supposed to be strong for everyone. But I can barely hold myself together. The words flow now. More freely than she expected. Mia pours out her fears about Jamie, her son who needs her in ways she fears she can no longer provide. Dear God, as I write to you tonight. My heart is heavy with concern for my son, Jamie. You know, his spirit, God. His challenges and his joys. Better than anyone. Jamie, my beautiful boy. He has autism. A journey that has shaped both of our lives in profound ways. God, you see his struggles. God, you see how he struggles to make sense of the world. That often feels too loud, too bright, too fast for him. Jamie has such a bright child curious about the world in his own unique way. But his inability to communicate his needs. And feelings can leave him frustrated at isolated. I watch him every day. Try so hard to interact with his surroundings. To learn things. That comes so easy for other children, his age. It breaks my heart. To see him so distressed. And he can't express what he needs or wants. Or even when he doesn't understand why he can't do the things other children can. I worry about his future constantly. Will he ever be able to find his place in the world Well, he make friends who understand and appreciate him for who he is. Will he be able to live independently? Find a job. And experienced love and happiness in his own. Right. These questions haunt me God. Because as much as I want to be there for him every step of the way. I know, I won't always be able to. The world it can be unkind to those who are different. And my deepest fear is that Jamie will face rejection and cruelty from those who don't understand him. I pray that you guide him. Protect him. From the harshness of the world. And surround him with people who will see his incredible qualities. I love him unconditionally. I asked for the strength. To be the mother he needs. Give me the patience to help me through his difficult moments. The wisdom to teach him how to navigate this complex world. the clarity to make the right decisions for him. Help me support his growth. To encourage his passions and to advocate for him And a rural that might not always see his worth. Most of all, I pray for his happiness. May he find joy in the small moments, comfort in our love. And achievement in his pursuits. Help him to know how much he is loved, not just by me. But by all who meet him? And how much he enriches our lives. Amen. She continues. Dear God. In the quiet of this night, I find myself at a crossroads burden by the weariness. that seeps deep into my bones, the responsibility of raising Jamie. While the privilege has also been a profound source of stress and exhaustion every day is a battle. Not against him, but for him. against a world that is not equipped to understand or nurture his unique way of being. I am tired, Lord. Physically and emotionally drained from the endless cycle of therapy sessions. Educational challenges. And the daily navigation of his meltdowns. Which leaves both of us feeling helpless and distraught. There are days when it seems like no matter how much I pour into this journey. It has never enough. The progress is slow and at times it feels non-existent. I fear my exhaustion, my shadow, the love I have for him. And he might feel. My fatigue as a lack of care. The weight of constant vigilance have always been on high alert. To interpret his needs and protect him from harm. It's sometimes more than I can bear. It's in these moments that I feel my hope faltering. Wondering if I'm truly capable of being the mother, he deserves. Am I enough. Am I enough for him. Can I continue to be his advocate, his teacher, his sanctuary. I confess. There are moments when the spirit takes hold. Whispering. That it will never get easier. That the dreams I have for Jamie might remain just that. Dreams. In these moments. I feel my faith waiver, not in you, God. Not in you. But in myself. I have a scared that my weakness might fail him. Then my human limitations. We'll be the barrier that keeps him from flourishing. Please. I reaching out to you. Not just for Jamie, but for myself, I need your strength. I need your strength to feel my emptied reserves. Grant me resilience to face each day. With renewed vigor, patience to continue. Teaching and learning alongside Jamie. And. Hope. To light the path forward. Help me to remember that each small step he takes, we all are moving forward to a brighter future. Even in the days when those steps are obscured. By setbacks. Above all. Grant me the grace to see beyond the challenges to remember the joy that Jamie brings. Into my life and to the lives of all who know him. Remind me that. At every challenge, there's an opportunity to witness your work. To experience love in its purest form and to grow in ways I never imagined possible. amen. Dear God. As I navigate this challenging journey. I often feel misunderstood by friends and family who despite their best intentions cannot fully grasp the magnitude of my challenges, Jamie and I face each day. They see snippets of our lives and offer advice and judgment without understanding the complexities of autism. And the relentless dedication at demands. It pains me, Lord. To sometimes feel isolated from those. I love. To, since they're inpatients or disbelief, when I share our daily struggles. They do not see the endless nights, the tears. The moments of desperation when I silently plead for a breakthrough or a sign that I'm enjoying something right. Their expectations of normalcy do not align with our reality. And their disconnect sometimes leads to feelings of alienation and sorrow. And these interactions, I find myself needing, not just patients, but also the courage to educate and advocate. Not just for Jamie before the understanding. We so desperately need from our loved ones. I asked you Lord. I asked you that to four or five, my spirit to grant me the strength. To face this lack of understanding with grace and to use these moments as opportunities to bridge the gap between our world and theirs. Please also touch the hearts of my friends and family. Help them see with eyes. Unclouded by conventional expectations. To understand the unspoken trials of our days. And to offer their support in ways that are truly helpful and empowering. That's gonna be a source of strength, not stress. Reminding me that we are not alone in our fight and that we can transcend even the most entrenched misunderstandings. Grant me the wisdom to communicate effectively sharing our realities with those around us in a way that fosters compassion and support. Maybe learn from our journey becoming allies in our quest. For a better understanding of autism. And a more inclusive world for Jamie. Amen. Mia's running out of paper. So she begins to write on the back of the notepad. Dear God. In this moment of reflection and prayer, I wish to extend my deepest gratitude. For the blessing that is my husband Ken do all of our turbulence and trials. He has been my steadfast partner, sharing the weight of our challenges with unwavering love and support. Ken has been a pillar of strength for Jamie and me. Tirelessly working to provide for our family. While also being a nurturing and understanding father and husband. I see the stress that our circumstances have placed upon him. The quiet moments of exhaustion that he tries to hide behind his reassurance miles. He carries his burdens with such dignity. Always placing our needs above his own. Even when the toll, it takes on him as evidence. Lord, I pray that you alleviate his burdens. And refresh the spirit. That you grant him moments of peace and joy. A mist, our hardships, we faced together. Bless him end with the resilience to continue being an incredible husband and father. Replenish his energy and Fortify his heart with your divine grace, that he may feel the same comfort and support. He so generously gives to us. Let us know that his efforts are seen not just by me, but by you and that they are deeply appreciated. I am thankful every day for his presence in our lives. For this love and this unwavering commitment to our family. Please watch over him, guide him and protect him. As he has protected us. May he feel your love and strengthen every step he takes, knowing that he is never alone in his endeavors. Amen. With each paragraph, Mia feels a weight lifting. The act of writing becomes a prayer, a meditation, it catharsis. She writes of her love of her family, her aspirations. To heal and to be healed. And her commitment to fight through this darkness. Please help me find the way, help me find the strength again, not just for me, but for Ken and Jamie, they deserve better than is better than the shell of a person I have become. As Mia signs the letter, her hand is steady. Then I has turned into early morning and the first hands of Dawn creep around the edges of the curtains. She folds a letter carefully. And places it in her purse. A private Testament to her struggle and her plea for divine intervention. Mia looks at the vial sitting on the table and feels a profound shift within her. As she thinks over the words that she has just written to God. words it's filled with hope determination. And I plead for strength. She realizes that these vials represent. A path that she no longer chooses to walk. With a resolute breath. She stands up. And decides to clear her resolve fortified by her heartfelt prayers and reflections. Carefully Mia gathers each vial her hand steady as she wraps them back into the small bag. She had bought them in. Each movement is delivered. Symbolic of her commitment to seek help. To heal and to face her challenges with renewed faith and with reliance on these temporary escapes. She knows now more than ever. Her strength must come from within supported by her faith, her family, and the professional help. She has resolved to seek. walking to the hotel door Mia pauses. As she glances back at the table now clear to the vials. They sense of peace washes over her. You start contrast to the turmoil. She felt just hours before. She steps out of the room, her spirit lighter As she hits to the front desk to check out as she exits the hotel, the early morning sun peaks through the clouds casting, a warm glow. That seems to promise new beginnings. Mia feels a gentle assurance that our prayers for guidance were heard. And she is not alone in her journey. She is ready to return home to face the challenges ahead with Ken by her side and start the next day as simple of her commitment to her life. To Jamie and to the path of healing the lays had. As we close today's episode. I want to take a moment to speak directly to the stress of caregiving. Mia story is a powerful reminder of the emotional and physical toll that caring for a loved one with special needs can take. It's not just the day-to-day responsibilities. But. The constant emotional engagement. And the pressure to provide, not just basic care, but also a pathway to thriving for someone so deeply dependent on you Caregiving for someone with autism often involves a spectrum of challenges. It can range for managing sensory sensitivities to facilitating communication, to addressing behavioral challenges and navigating social interactions. The relentless demand can leave caregivers, feeling isolated, exhausted, and sometimes desperate. Is crucial for caregivers should know that feeling overwhelmed is not a sign of weakness. Nor is it a reflection of their dedication? It's a natural response to an incredibly demanding role. This is why finding support, whether through community groups, respite care, or professional mental health services is so vital. Just as Mia reached a point. Where she knew she needed to seek help. It's important for caregivers to recognize when they need to step back and recharge. To all the caregivers listening. Please remember taking care of yourself is not an act of selfishness. It's a necessity. Your wellbeing is just as important as that of a loved one. You care for. Seeking help and support is a critical component of sustaining caregiving. It not only aids. In your own health, what ensures you can continue to provide the care that your loved one relies on. Thank you for joining us on this journey today. If you ever caregiver feeling the weight of your responsibilities. We urge you to reach out, tying those moments of respite and seek the support you deserve. Remember you are not not in this alone It's okay to ask for help. If you were someone, you know, is experiencing thoughts of suicide. It is crucial for you to seek help immediately. We recommend the national suicide prevention lifeline. Their number is 1 802 7 3. Talk. Their website, suicide prevention, lifeline.org. This lifeline is 24 7. Free and confidential. They provide free and confidential support for people in distress, as well as prevention and crisis resources for you and your loved one. For those listening outside of the United States, please reach out to your local mental health services and crisis hotlines. Immediate help is vital and available. Please note, this is episode features, reenactments and dramatize details. While in most cases, the exact verbatim dialogue may not be known. All dramatizations are grounded in research. To respect the privacy and confidentiality of individuals involved. Names and some identifying details have been changed. Are you interested in learning more about autism? Here are some facts. The centers for disease control and prevention reports that approximately one in 36 children in the us were identified with autism spectrum disorder. According to their 2020 data. Most children are still being diagnosed after age four. Although ASD can be diagnosed as early as age two. Early diagnosis and intervention are critical and can significantly improve outcomes. ESD is four times more common among boys than girls. This disparity. Has been consistent. And various studies and reports over the years. Families with children with ASD on average, incur significantly higher medical expenses compared to families. Without additionally, there are substantial costs associated with special education. And care needed for individuals with autism. Is common for children and adults with ASD do have co occurring conditions such as ADHD. Anxiety disorders. Epilepsy or depression, which can complicate diagnosis and treatment. Diagnosis rates and access to services can vary significantly across racial and ethnic groups, these concerns about under-diagnosis and later diagnosis in some communities potentially due to disparities and access to healthcare services and cultural biases. These statistics are based on the most recent data available from the CDC and other health institutions, reflecting the prevalence and characteristics of autism to help inform policies, interventions, and support. During life storms, finding a moment of pause, give you like a distant dream. This is why we've created the Take Care Time Respite Box designed specifically for caregivers. Both give so much of themselves every day. Each Take Care Time respite box is filled with curated items to sooth uplift, and reinvigorate from aromatic stress where they've candles to luxurious bath salts, to herbal teas, to accustom journals. For your thoughts, every element is chosen with care and intention. Subscribe today and give yourself or a caregiver, you know? The gift of a well-deserved break because taking care of others begins with taking care of yourself. Visit takecaretime.com to order your respite box. Because everyone deserves a moment to breathe. Join us next time on take care of time. As we continue to explore the lives of caregivers, offering insights, sharing stories, and providing resources to help along the way. Until next week, take care. Yeah.