Encore: Clutter 3

Transcript

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Welcome back to take care of time, the tales and exhales of caregivers. Where we explore the lives of caregivers and those that they care for. In today's episode, we return to the cluttered world of Helen Rutledge. For her son, Robert and caregiver, Deedee are poised at a brink of a significant breakthrough. As Robert arrives from California and begins to dig through the layers of his mother's accumulated life. He's not just sifting through stacks of old newspapers. And forgotten trinkets. He's searching for understanding for reconciliation. Today as Robert and DeeDee worked side by side. They uncover more than just a misplaced memories. They find pictures of a forgotten era and era of Robert's father. Robert Sr. And the man Helen loved. A man who shaped both of their lives. Just as much as he shaped her surroundings. This discovery will challenge Robert to see his mother's hoarding, not just as a danger, but as a desperate tangled expression of love and loss. Join us as we peel back the layers. Where every object tells a story and every story reveals a wound. In need of healing. This is not just a cleanup is a journey. To the heart of a family. Trying to find their way back to each other. Through the clutter that divides them. Clutter brings us closer to the understanding and chaos. And connections that lie beneath. I'm Beverly Nance guiding you through these hidden paths where we find that sometimes. The most important discoveries are the ones we make about each other. Let's begin. Today's story. You To truly understand the dynamic within the Rutledge household. We must delve into the backstory of DeeDee the backbone of Helen's care. How did she come to be at Helen side, navigating the complex terrain of the home consumed by hoarding. That's unravel the threads of her past which illustrate her resilience and dedication. DDS journey into caregiving. Wasn't a direct path. Originally from a small town in upstate New York, she moved to New Jersey in her early twenties seeking opportunities. That our hometown couldn't offer. After various jobs, DeeDee herself drawn to caregiving a field. She had never considered, but found immediately rewarding. It was during her first assignment with an elderly couple that DeeDee discovered her natural empathy and the profound satisfaction of helping others. She realized that caregiving was not just a job. It was a calling. DeeDee first met Helen Rutledge through a local agency that specializes in home health care. Helen already deep into her hoarding behaviors. Had been resistant to the idea of a caregiver. But when our son Robert, from across the country in California, insisted she reluctantly agreed. Their first meeting was tense. Helen's house a fortress of memories and clutter was daunting, but DeeDee wasn't deterred. Instead, she saw the person behind the piles. A fiercely independent woman. Proud, but increasingly vulnerable. Why does DD stay? You might ask. When the challenges seem so overwhelming. It's a question with layers as complex as the clutter, she navigates daily. DeeDee stays because she sees the work as more than just a job. It's a commitment to a person who needs her? Perhaps more than she admits. DD also stays because she believes change is possible. Even in the most stubborn cases. Her previous experiences had taught her that with patience and persistence breakthroughs were achievable. More than anyone DeeDee understands that the clutter isn't just physical is emotional. And Helen needs compassionate support to address both. Every day, Deedee faces the chaos of Helen's home with a smile and a strategy. She becomes an unwavering pillar of support, not just for Helen. But for Robert as well. As they navigate the challenging paths of recovery together. In DeeDee we see the epitome of dedication. A caregiver who looks beyond the surface. Recognizing dignity and worth in every individual, Regardless of the clutter that's surrounds them. Don't we all know someone like that. Caregiving is a role that extends far beyond the provision of physical assistance and routine care. It is a profound commitment that demands, compassion, resilience. And a deep understanding of human dignity. It's not merely a job. But a vocation that requires a special kind of person. One who can navigate the complexities of human needs and emotions with patience and empathy. lets explore some of the characteristics of a good caregiver. At the heart of effective caregiving lies the ability. To empathize. Caregivers must be able to place themselves in the shoes of those they assist. Understanding their fears, frustrations and desires as if they were their own. This empathetic connection Can make the difference between feeling supported and feeling isolated within one's own struggles. Caregivers often work in environments, fraught. With emotional highs and lows. The daily responsibilities can be physically and emotionally draining. Uh, requiring a caregiver to manage stress effectively and maintain patience the resilience to face each day, anew, even after a difficult and demanding days is crucial. Each care recipient is unique. With their own set of challenges, whether they are physical, mental, or emotional. A caregiver must be adaptable. Able to adjust techniques and approaches to meet individual needs. This flexibility extends to problem solving often thinking on their feet to navigate unexpected situations or crises. Strong communication is essential for caregivers. They must convey information clearly and sensitively. To their care recipients. Their families. And medical professionals ensuring that all parties are informed and that the care recipients wishes and needs are respected and advocated for. caregiving is physically demanding. It requires not just emotional fortitude, but also the strength to assist with mobility daily activities and emergencies. At the same time, emotional strength is vital to the manage the personal attachment. And sometimes the eventual loss. Of those they care for. Perhaps most importantly, caregiving demands a steadfast commitment to the wellbeing of another person. This commitment transcends mere duty. It is a profound dedication to improve in someone's quality of life. Often placing the caregiver's own needs. Second. This combination of skills and attributes makes caregiving a role suited, not just to anyone. But to those with a genuine calling to serve others. The impact of a caregiver on the lives of those they serve is immeasurable, providing not only necessary support, but also enhancing the quality of life, preserving their dignity and ensuring their comfort. Robert Rutledge understanding. Oh, the importance of fairly compensating caregivers, like DeeDee is rooted in a deep appreciation for his challenging and multifaceted nature of their work. Recognizing that caregiving is not just a job, but a vital service that enhances the quality of life and offers crucial support. He ensures that DeeDee is adequately rewarded for her dedication and skill. Robert understands that caregiving goes beyond basic physical support. And it extends into emotional and psychological care. Caregivers, provide comfort companionship, and often serve as a critical emotional anchor for those that they care for and their families. By compensating, DeeDee fairly Robert acknowledges the significant value these services add to his mother's life. Fair compensation also addresses the sustainability of caregiving. As a profession. Caregiving roles can be highly demanding and with emotional and physical tolls. That are not sustainable without adequate financial and professional support. By ensuring that DeeDee is well compensated. Robert contributes to making caregiving a viable long-term career choice, attracting and retaining skilled individuals. In this profession. Fair pay correlates strongly with quality of care. Compensation that reflects the level of responsibility and skill involved in caregiving. Not only fosters a sense of professional pride. And motivation, but also improves the overall standard of care. The individuals like Helen and receive. This financial recognition helps ensure that caregivers remain motivated. I appreciate it and less likely to experience burnout. By providing fair compensation. Robert also supports DeeDee continued professional development, which is crucial in a field that often requires. Ongoing training and adaption of new CareTech needs and understanding of patient needs. This can include opportunities for further education. Certifications and specializations that enhance the caregiver's ability to provide high quality care. Robert view's fair compensation for caregivers. As a moral imperative. Caregivers perform some of the most fundamentally important work in society. Taking care of its most vulnerable members. Recognizing their work financially underscores a societal respect for both the caregivers and those that they care for. Reinforcing. The dignity of both parties. In essence. Robert's commitment to fairly compensating DeeDee underscores his recognition. Of caregiving as a profession, deserving a respect. And adequate renumeration. It reflects a broader understanding of the crucial role caregivers play in the health and social care systems. And his personal commitment to ethical practices. And managing his mother's care. If only everybody was like, Robert. The early morning sign cast, a long shadow across the quiet street. As Robert Rutledge parks has rental car. In front of his childhood home. It's been years since he lasted up through the doors. And the weight of anticipation sits heavy on his shoulders. This is it time to face was hiding behind these closed doors. As Robert pushes the door open, the musty smell of neglect hits him. The hall is crowded. The stacks of newspapers, old mail and assorted knick-knacks. That makes the space feel cramped and unwelcoming. Mom. It's Robert I'm here. In here, Robert I'm in the living room. Robert navigates through the narrow path lined. With towering piles of belongings. Each step brings a rustle of paper as a reminder of the years of accumulation. As he enters the living room. He finds Helen seated in a worn armchair, surrounded by more piles of various items. Her face lights up with a mixture of joy and embarrassment as she sees her son. Okay. Robert you made it. I know it's a mess. I, sorry. I'm sorry. You have to see it like this. Robert approaches his mom and bends down and gives her a long gentle hug. It's okay, mom, I'm not here to judge. I'm here to help. We'll figure this out together. DeeDee enters the room. With a reassuring tone. Good morning. Good morning, Robert. I'm Dee Dee. I'm the one that you saw on the phone and until. I just made some tea. Would you like a cup? Yes. Thank you D that would be great. Robert takes a seat opposite Helen taking in the chaos around him. His mind already turning over solutions. It's a lot worse than DeeDee ever said. And it's a lot worse than he remembers. Mom. Tell me about the last few months. Let's start there. What's been going on. Well, it's been hard. I had a minor stroke where the doctors say that I'm okay. And I have a. Support person who comes in and helps me. You know, I've been moving some things around and I know that it's junky in here. Um, but I'm willing to move out some of the things that I have. I keep things because they mean something to me, but it's just gotten out of hand and I, I admit that Robert. To understand Helen Rutledge is descent into hoarding. We must trace back the path to two pivotal moments in her life, each event. laden with grief and change. Contributed to layers or the walls of possessions that now feel her home It began with they sudden loss of her husband, George. Helen and George had been inseparable their lives intricately woven together through decades of marriage. George's passing, lift a silence in Helen's life. That was palatable. The items he left behind his clothes, still hanging in the closet. His books on the shelves, his tools in the garage became sacred artifacts to Helen. Each a tangible reminder of their shared life. The second shift came when Robert, their only child moved across the country to California for college. His departure was a proud moment for both. But for Helen, it also deepened the chasum on. Of her loneliness. The house grew quieter. Emptier. Uh, Helen found herself, filling the space with more things. What started as a few extra purchases became piles of items that she believed could bring comfort or maybe feel the void left by her son's absence. As the years pass each object, Helen added to her home became a part of a growing barrier against her solitude and grief. The clutter began as a comfort. She grew into a fortress, isolating her further from the world outside and ironically from Robert. Who felt more distant than ever. Helen's hoarding and testified and the house becoming a physical manifestation of her inner turmoil and loss, her attempts to reserve the past and guard against loneliness. Resulted in a living space that was less of a home. And more of a mausalem of memories. I knew it was getting out of hand, but I just really wanted to keep these memories of your father. You know, we've been married for so many years. And I just, I wasn't expecting his death. You know, his death was. Just. So Sutton, it was so sudden. Robert Sr grew up in the same New Jersey town where he had hill and eventually settled. Known for his warm smile and approachable, demeanor. He was a pillar in his community. Involved in local charities and the town council. His friends and neighbors respected him for his fairness. And his commitment to helping others. A skilled carpenter, Robert senior rent, a small successful construction business. Building homes for many in the area, his work. Was not just a job, but a passion. Something he often described as a way. To build futures as much as houses. This passion for craftsmanship and hard work. was something he hoped to pass down to his son, Robert. Robert Sr and Helen, met in high school and we're sweethearts from a young age. The relationship was built on deep mutual respect and love. Helen admired Robert, his dedication to his work and his ability to make everyone around him feel important. In turn, Robert adored, Helen's intelligence, her wit, and the way she cared deeply about family and community. Together. They created a home filled with laughter love and stability. Robert senior. was it's the grounding force in Helens often anxious and worrisome nature. He had a way of soothing over her concerns with just a few words or a reassuring hug, making their home a sanctuary for both Helen and their son Robert Sr. His sudden death was a shock to everyone who knew him for Helen. It was as if the foundation of her world had been crumbled. The loss destabilized her and her hoarding began as a way to cope with the immense grief and to keep it part of Robert Sr alive in every object that they shared. For young Robert, his father was a hero a larger than life figure. Who taught him about integrity. Hard work and the importance of caring for others. Losing him at a critical time, just as he was about to leave for college in California, left Robert with unresolved grief, which complicated his relationships and emotional wellbeing. Even in death, the legacy of Robert senior loomed large in the Rutledge family. His values and the home he built with Helen. And the memories, they create it together. Our ever present. For Robert. Coming to terms with his father's death. And the impact on his mother's mental health forms a significant part of his journey back home. As he seeks to reconcile the past and the present and find a way to help his mother heal. As Robert and Helen settle into a rare moment of quiet in the cluttered living room Robert senses an opening to discuss the daunting task ahead. With care. He broaches the subject mindful of his mother's sensitivities. Mom, do you think we could start to go through some of these things together? Maybe we get sort a little, just to make more space. I suppose we could try, but only if we're careful about what goals and what stays. Of course we'll do it together. We can decide what you want to keep, and maybe we can find a better place. For some of the other things. It's just there. There's so many memories here, Robert. I don't. Want to lose any of them. I know, and you won't, we'll make sure we keep what's important to you. And maybe about organizing, we'll actually be able to enjoy those memories more. We could even create a special area for the things you cherish most. Um, that will be nice. Maybe. Maybe it's time. Robert offers a reassuring smile, grateful for his mother's openness to the idea. Together, they plan to tackle the clutter, ensuring that each step respects. Helen's emotional ties to her possessions while making her home safer and more livable. This careful respect approach, underlines, a delicate balance of managing a hoarding situation with empathy and understanding. As Robert DeeDee and Helen wrap up a productive day of sorting and decision-making they start to prepare for the next steps. This feels like a good start. Mom. How do you feel about what we've managed to sort through today. It's hard. But I'm glad. We're doing it. It feels lighter somehow. You did great today. Helen Didi says everything is ready in the garage. For the disposal company. They'll come by first thing tomorrow to clear it out. Speaking of tomorrow. Robert says, I was thinking we could start on Some of dads things, there are still a lot of tools and books. Maybe we could. Keep a few special items. As keepsakes. And we might consider donating the rest of charity, maybe one that he would have supported. Helen nods. Your father always wanted his tools to be used by someone who appreciated them. Donating themselves, like something he would have liked. And maybe we can find these nice place for his favorite books and some of his personal items here in the house. That's a wonderful ideal says DeeDee I can help you find a local charity that will accept these types of donations. It would be a nice way to honor his memory. And help others at the same time. I'll make a list of the tools and the other items we find. We can go through them together, mom. And. You can help decide. What you'd like to keep as keepsakes. That would be good. I like that. As they finish organizing for the day, the mood is cautiously optimistic. They have managed to make tangible progress. That's overwhelming Helen. Respecting her emotional process. While also making practical decisions. Robert's proposal to handle his father's items. Sensitively. Focusing on honoring his memory while helping the community reflects a thoughtful approach to dealing with their personal belongings. That holds significant sentimental value. As Robert lifts the last box to move it to the garage. Something catches his eye and old somewhat dusty photo album tucked away beneath a pile of. Miscellaneous papers. Curiosity peaked. He says the box down gently and retrieves the album. Brushing off the dust. With the back of his hand. What's this. I don't remember seeing this before. He flips over the cover and his eyes are immediately drawn to a black and white photograph of his father. Robert Sr. Looking much younger than he ever remembered him. His dad is laughing in the photo. His joy evident even in the steel image. As Robert turns the page, he finds more snapshots of his father, fishing trips, family barbecues, and several of him holding a very young Robert of on his shoulders. Mom look at this. What is it? Robert? Robert shows her the album. Her hands trembled slightly as she takes it from him. Her eyes lighting up. With recognition and a flood of memories. Oh, I haven't seen this in years. Your father put this together one winter, he was so proud of it. Together, they sit down the box and its contents momentarily forgotten as they page through the album. Each photograph prompts the story from Helen. Some that Robert has never heard at others that are new to him. Adding layers. To his understanding of his father's life and their family history. I never knew dad was into photography. This much he loved capturing moments. Say that they were his way to hold. Onto memories forever. After he passed. I couldn't bear to look at them. It hurt too much. As they share this intimate moment, Robert realizes the importance of these items. Not just as clutter, but as a crucial pieces of his family's emotional fabric, this discovery reinforces his resolve to handle the sorting process with care. Ensuring that while they make physical space in the home, they preserve the memories and legacies that truly matter. Let's keep this album out. Maybe we can go through it together over dinner sometime. You can tell me more about these stories. I like that very much robert. This Tinder moment, not only brings Robert and Helen closer, but also gives Robert a deeper appreciation of the task at hand. Transforming a home field with the past, into a space that respects those memories. While making room for new experiences and a safer environment. As Helen Robert continue to leaf for the photo album. DeeDee stands up, noticing that deepening emotional moment between mother and son. I'll let you two have some time together. It looks like you have a lot to catch up on. I'll be back tomorrow to help continue with the sorting. Thank you, Dee Dee. Today has been more than I expected. I appreciate your help, dear. We couldn't have gotten this far without you. So you tomorrow. Of course, Robert, I'm glad you are here. Tomorrow is another day and we'll tackle it together. With a final nod and a warm smile, DeeDee quietly exits leaving the door slightly ajar behind her. Her departure is tactful. Giving Helen and Robert the space to continue Reconnecting over the old photographs without interruption. This moment alone without their practical task of sorting and organizing allows them both to absorb the emotional significance of the day and fortify themselves for the work ahead. As DeeDee walks to her car, she reflects on the progress made, not just in clearing the physical clutter, but in bridging the emotional distance that had grown between Helen and Robert. She drives away with a sense Of fulfillment, knowing that her role it's not just about organizing a house, but about facilitating healing and reconciliation within family, she serves. As we pause on this touching scene with Helen and Robert. Rediscovery memories and reconnecting over shared stories. It's a poignant reminder.. Oh, the emotional journey that caregiving can entail. It's moments like these that highlight the need for support. Not just for those we care for. but for ourselves as caregivers. The Take Care Time Respite box it designed with moments like these in mind. Each box is a carefully curated collection. Aim to provide. Caregivers, but they pause. A breath. A moment to recharge. Because remembering to take care of yourself. Is as important as the care you give to others. Inside each Take Care Time Respite Box. You'll find items. Uh, such as soothing teas, rich chocolates aromatic candles, and even an inspiring book or two. Every item is chosen to encourage relaxation and reflection. Allow you a much needed retreat. From the demanding cares of caregiving. visit takecaretime.com to order Treat yourself or a caregiver, you know, to a well-deserved break. The Take Care Time Respite Box because taking care of yourself helps. You better take care of those. You love. After a longer productive day of sorting, organizing, and clearing out decades of accumulation. The atmosphere of Helen's house skills, notice of the lighter. piles designated for charity are neatly packed and ready for pickup. And much of the clutter that once choked. The living room has been removed. As the day winds down, Robert feels a mixture of accomplishment. And apprehension. It's time for a crucial conversation. The one that could change the course of his and his mother's lives. This is day two. Thank you again for the today DeeDee. Two days of clearing out stuff. And I think we've made a lot of headway. It's been a big day. I'll leave you here to talk and call me if you need anything. Robert takes a deep breath, gathering his thoughts then walks into the living room. where Helen is sitting, looking around at the transform space. She seems contemplated. Perhaps a little overwhelmed by the day is changes. Mom you've really done well today. I thought. Day one was inspiring, but they too is actually more inspiring. This house. It starting to feel like home again. It does, doesn't it? I haven't realized how much stuff. Was weighing me down. Mom I've been thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it. Now that we're making the house safer and more comfortable. I've been wondering about the future about what comes next. What do you mean Robert? I mean your living situation. I worry about you here. All the way across the country. I know you've been managing, but today made me think. Would you consider moving to California to be with us? You wouldn't be alone and we could make sure you're taken care of. Move to California with you and your family. Yes mam. We have plenty of space and you be closer to us, or if you prefer. We could look for a place nearby where you could just have your own space. But still be close to us. I just want you to be safe and happy. A mix of emotion crosses her face. its a big change. Robert, I've lived here all my life, your father, and I built our lives here. I know mom, and it wouldn't be a decision we'd rush. We can take our time. Think about what's best. I just know that we want what's best for you. And I feel a lot better if you were closer. Let me think about it. That's a lot to take in. Of course bomb. You don't have to decide anything right now. Just let me know whatever you decide. I'm here for you. As the episode closes the conversation hangs in the air. A pivotal moment. That could lead to a new beginnings for Helen. Helen has left to ponder the possibilities of a new life in California, closer to her son. Her daughter-in-law and her granddaughter. But Robert hopes for a future where he can keep his mother safe and included in their family life. The path ahead is uncertain, but it's paved with love And the promise of support. Next week on clutter it decision looms at the heart of the Rutledge family. will Helen embraced the change of a new beginning in California with her son. Or will the deep roots tied to her home and the memories it holds be too much to leave behind. Join us as we explore the emotional and psychological complexities of hoarding. Why it starts. How it escalates and what it takes to address this challenging condition. We'll dive deeper into Helen's journey and the impact of Roberts proposal on her life. Don't miss this pivotal episode where personal histories and future possibilities collide. Find out Helens decision and learn more about the realities of hoarding. Next week on clutter. Please note that this episode features reenactments and dramatize details. While in most cases, the exact verbatim dialogue may not be known. All traumatizations are grounded in research. To respect the privacy and confidentiality of individuals involved. Names and some locations have been changed. Till next week. Take care. You