Encore: Clutter 4

Transcript

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Today we conclude our journey with the Rutledge family. In our series clutter. Over the past episodes, we've navigated through layers of the past uncovering hidden memories. And face the daunting challenges of hoarding. Now as Helen Rutledge stands at the crossroads, we explore the final decisions. That could reshape her future and the future of her family. Join me, your host. Beverly Nance. Where the concluding chapter of clutter new beginnings. Do you After a long and emotionally charged day, Robert retreats. To the quiet of his hotel room. He knows the next conversation he has is crucial. Not just with his mother, Helen. But with his wife Anjali back in California. He picks up the phone and dials waiting for Anjeli to pick up. Hi love. How did everything go today? Robert sighs hey, it was a big day. We made a lot of progress with mom's house, but there there's something important. I want to talk to you about. What's going on. Is everything all right? Yeah. It's it's all. Okay. Actually, I made a decision. Well, I want to ask. You about it first. I will ask mom. If. She would consider moving to California to live with us, or at least closer to us. I think it would be better for her for all of us really Wow. That's a big step. How did she take it? She's considering it it's a lot for her to take in. Leaving her home and everything. But I think it's what's best. I think it's time. She needs more support than she can get here by herself. I know DeeDee is here to help her, but. She's our family and I just really want her to be with us. I agree. It's a big move. And it's a good move. And, you know, I'll support, whatever needs to be done to make her comfortable here. Have you thought about what this will look like? You know, like living arrangements care needs and all that. I've been thinking maybe she could set up. In a nearby senior community. Or we can find her a place of her own. Or if she's open to it, she can move in with us. Temporarily until we find something more permanent. I want her to feel at home. I want us to be able to look after her. Both options. Sound good. We'll make it work, whatever she needs. I think having her close will be good for us too. It'll give us a chance to look after her. And for you to spend more time with her. Thanks Anjali it means a lot to hear you say that I was worried that you might feel it was a little too much. We're in this together. Robert, your mom is my family too. And I want what's best for her Just as much as you do. Let's sit down when you get back and plan it out. We can look at some places and figure out the best setup. In the meantime I'll. keep my eyes and ears open for some places that she met, like to stay. If not here. You know, we'll always make room for her. We love her. That sounds great. I'll keep you updated on what mom says, because she hasn't really answered yes or no yet. And then we can go from there. Thanks for being amazing Anjali. Always Robert take care of yourself. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Will do I'll see you soon. Love you. Love you too. Safe travels back. The next morning, under a clear sky robert arrives at his mother's. Now noticeably less clutter at home. He is barely knocked on the door and the door opens and Hillen stands there looking both resolute and slightly apprehensive. Good morning, mom, how are you feeling today? Morning, Robert. I'm well, I have something important to tell you. Robert steps inside syncing the significance of the moment. They settle into a firstly clear living room. Where the morning light cast general patterns on the floor. What is it? Mom is everything okay. It's about moving to California. I thought it over. All night, really And I've decided to go. I moved to California with you. Robert's face lights up with a mixture of relief and joy, but he remains composed. Wanting to ensure helen feels supported in her decision. Really mom. That's great news. Are you sure? Helen nods. Yes, I am. It wasn't an easy decision, you know, leaving this house, our memories, your father, but I realize it's not just the house holding those memories. They're in here. She places a hand over her heart and I can bring those memories with me. Robert reaches over to squeeze his mom's hand. Absolutely. Mom. We'll make new memories in California and you have us, your family right there with you. And Anjeli is really supportive of this. We talked last night, she's looking forward to helping us. Find the perfect place for you, whether it's in our home or a home of your own. I'm glad to hear Anjali is on board. I didn't really want to impose. Never think that mom. We want you closer we're family and Anjeli means it she's already looking into some options. For when you're ready to have your own place, or if you want, you can stay with us initially. Staying with you and Anjali at first. Sounds lovely. I think that'll help me settle. And figure out what's next. You know, I've never been to California. Well, we'll take it step by step, no rush for any decisions about permanent places. The most important thing as you're feeling comfortable and happy. And of course your safety. With a tear listing in our eye. And her smile bright. Thank you, Robert. It means the world to me having your support, I'm looking forward to starting fresh with you and the family. And we're looking forward to having you close mom. lets make this a wonderful new chapter. They spend a few more moments discussing logistics and timelines, but mostly they talk about the future about the hope and the family coming together. Again, as Robert leaves later that morning, he feels a profound sense of purpose and gratitude. Helen watches him go. Feeling a stirring of anticipation for the first time in years. Ready for the journey ahead. Later that day. Helen contemplates her move to California and details. That need arranging. It thought crosses her mind about DeeDee who support has been invaluable during this transition? When Robert returns with lunch, for both of them, Helen approaches him. Robert, you know how much DeeDee has helped me through? Well, pretty much everything. She's more than just a caregiver to me now. I know mom DeeDee is just incredible. Do you think? I mean, if D doesn't have another, any other commitments or another job lined up? Should I ask her if she consider moving with us at California. I feel so much better with her by my side. And it could be good for her to a new start. That's a thoughtful suggestion. Mom, DeeDee has been a big part of your life here. And I can see why you want her to come with us. I think it's worth discussing with her. Seeing, if it's something that she'd even consider. I worry though about taking her away from her life here, her home. It's a big decision for sure. But DeeDee is also a very professional. She understands these situations and she'll appreciate that you're considering her needs and not just our own. We can make it clear. There's no pressure. It's just an option. If she's open to it. Could we talk to her together? Robert? I like her to know. How much it means to us. And that whatever her decision, I will completely understand. Of course. You don't have to talk to her. I'll talk to her mom. I'll speak with DeeDee. I'll make sure she knows how much we both value her and that this invitation is out of respect for her and what she's done for our family. I'll emphasize that whatever her decision. We will support her. Thank you, Robert. That makes me feel better. Having her with us was certainly make the move easier, but I also hope she does what's best for her. DeeDee coming over later and Robert. Agrees to take her aside and speak with DeeDee to delicately, present the offer and ensure she understands the depth of Helen's appreciation. As well as the flexibility and respect they have for her personal and professional life. This conversation, not only highlights the strong bonds form through caregiving, but also the careful consideration given to the personal lives and choices of those involved in such transitions. When DeeDee arise, Robert takes DeeDee to the side. DeeDee you've been incredible with my mom. And honestly, I can't think of anyone better to help her settle into her new life in California. What. She's decided to go to California with you. Yes. Mom has decided to move in with being on anjali to begin with. And then we're going to decide later if she will transition to our own home or into a senior community. My question to you. DeeDee is, would you consider coming out with us at least initially? For the transition. And if you're open to it, maybe stay longer as her caregiver. Robert I'm honored. You think of me? Let me look into what this would involve. It's a big move, but I truly care about Helen's wellbeing. Robert's phone rings. It's Anjali. I found a house for your mom. I just want to let you know that there's a house right down the street from us. This for sale. And I've already talked to the real estate agent. I think it would be perfect. It's a ranch-style home. So your mom doesn't have to worry about climbing any stairs. There's enough room if she wanted to hire a caregiver. There's enough room for that is three bedrooms and it not only is it a great home. And right down the street, it would be a great investment. Really. Wow. That's perfect timing. I was just talking to DeeDee. My mom's caregiver. And she said she would consider coming to California with us to get my mom situated and maybe staying longer. But having mom, just a few houses down. would give her the independence she cherishes and keep her. Close enough for us to be there whenever she needs anything. Exactly my thoughts. Like I said, it's single story. So there's no stairs for her to worry about and it's in such a nice spot. We could walk there and in a few minutes, plus. It's a solid investment property for us in the long run. That's great. We should go see it as soon as possible. If it's as good as it sounds, we can move forward. Mom, we'll be thrilled. And it would ease a lot of worries about her adjusting to a new place. I'll set up a viewing for us this weekend. And if DeeDee decides to move with mom, It would be comfortable enough for both of them. Thank you Anjali that could really work out beautifully lets makes sure the house has everything mom needs to feel at home. Didi takes the day. And decides to tell Robert that she will. Accompany Helen to California initially, and decide if she'll stay longer. Upon agreeing to the move Deedee Hills hill impact and organize for relocation, ensuring that her essential comforts and Memorabilia are handled with care. Once in California, Dee Dee's first task is to make Helen's new living space. Feel like home. Arranging furniture, unpacking Helen's favorite items and establishing a routine that makes Helen feel secure and comfortable. As Helen settles into her new environment, DeeDee's presence provides a comforting. Continuity. She accompanies Helen to explore local community centers, introduces her to a nearby health services and helps establish connections with neighbors and potential friends. Her familiar presence eases Helen's transition into a new community. After a few weeks in California, robert says D D seeing how well mom is doing with you here. I like to ask you again, if you would consider staying on more permanently, we can work out arrangements that suit you. Involving your living accommodations and anything else that you need? Robert. Seeing Helen thrive here makes the idea very appealing. Let's sit down and discuss what. This will look like long-term. I want you to ensure that is a right fit for all of us. If DeeDee decides to stay, her role might expand beyond caregiving into more of a life assistant. Helping Helen manage her day-to-day activities, ensuring she remains engaged. And active. For DeeDee, this move could mean career growth and the chance to enjoy the benefits of living in California, exploring her new professional and personal opportunities in a supportive community. DeeDee decides she loves California and she decides to stay. With DeeDee's decision to stay in California. Helen not only retains a trusted caregiver. But gains a steadfast ally in her journey towards a fulfilling life. Robert's foresight and inviting DeeDee bridges the geographical and emotional gaps ensuring that his mother continues to receive the best possible care in her new surroundings. As our series closes. We leave those family embracing new beginnings. Proving. That with compassion and trust and a little bit of logistical magic, the bonds of care can stretch across any distance. This story has involved hoarding. Hoarding can be a challenging behavior to manage, particularly in family settings, where emotions and relationships at layers of complexity. Here are several strategies. Family members or caregivers can adapt to help prevent or mitigate hoarding tendencies. In their loved ones. Number one. Early intervention address clutter issues before they escalate into severe hoarding. Regularly discuss the importance of a clean and safe living environment. And help set up and maintain. An organizational system. Number two. Regular check-ins. Make regular visits to assess the living conditions. And provide assistance in decluttering. These check-ins can help. Keep the situation from worsening and show support for maintaining a healthy environment. Number three. Set limits. Create clear and consistent boundaries for acquiring new items. For instance, implement a one in one out rule where every new item bought into a home, another must be discarded or donate it. Number four. Encourage social interactions. Foster engagement with the community and activities outside the home. Social engagement can reduce feelings of isolation or loneliness, which are often linked to hoarding behaviors. Number five emotional support. Address emotional issues that might contribute to hoarding such as depression, anxiety, or past traumas. Encourage conversations about feelings and provide. Support or professional help if necessary. Number six. Education about hoarding, educate both yourself and your loved one about hoarding disorder, understanding the psychological factors that drive hoarding can help in managing the behavior more. Empathetically. Number seven promote decision-making skills, help the individual improve decision making skills related to organizing and decluttering. This might involve simple exercises that boost their ability to sort and prioritize items. Number eight. Clear organizational systems. Established simple. Easy to follow systems for organizing belongings label shelves, use clear storage containers. And maintain a routine for cleaning and sorting. Number nine limit shopping trips, monitor, and limit. Trips two stores or online shopping sessions. That might lead to impulse buys. Plan shopping trips, but they list any specific budget to stick to. Number 10. Professional help. If hoarding behavior. Is significant and worsening seek help from professionals who specialize in hoarding disorders. Therapists professional. Organizers. And even support groups can provide necessary guidance and intervention. Number 11 respect and patience. Show respect for the individuals, possessions and feelings. Even if you don't understand their attachment to certain items, be patient. Pushing too hard can lead to resistance and emotional distress. Number 12. Celebrate progress, recognize and celebrate progress, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can encourage continued effort. Poor decluttering and maintaining organization habits. Hello podcast listeners. And take care of time, family. As we waved goodbye to summer and welcome the gentle whispers of fall. I want to share some exciting news and a small change in our schedule. This September, I'll be taking a short break from producing new podcast episodes. But don't worry. We'll be revisiting some of our favorite series here from the past, giving you a chance to catch up, or re-experience the stories that moved us. During this time, I'll be dedicating my energy toward enhancing our Take Care Time brand and preparing our holiday offerings. Curating thoughtful. Nurturing and rejuvenating experiences that. You've come to love and expect. We're cooking up something really special. That I can't wait to share with you. We're resume our regular podcast, storytelling in October, refreshed and ready to bring you more engaging and heartfelt stories. Thank you for your understanding and continual support. It means the world does. Keep an eye on your inboxes and on your social media for sneak peaks of what's to come and updates for our holiday specials. Wishing you a serene and beautiful September. Would you like to learn more about hoarding disorder. We recommend. A book the hoarder in you. How to live a happier, healthier uncluttered life by Dr. Robin Zasio. Dr. All who is familiar with mini for the TV show. The hoarder next door offers strategies for decluttering and overcoming hoarding tendencies. The book addresses both severe cases and common clutter challenges, making it relatable to a wide audience. As we close another chapter in our journey together on clutter. I want to take a moment to reflect on the themes of renewal and self care. That we'd explored. Just as Helen found a new beginning, each of us has the opportunity to rejuvenate and restore. The Take Care Time. Respite box is crafted with moments like these in mind, designed or caregivers and anyone in need of a pause. This box is a reminder that taking care of yourself is just as important as the care you provide to others. Each Take Care Time. Respite box is filled with carefully selected items. meant to soothe the soul and uplift the spirit. From candles that calm the senses to bath salts. That promise relaxation. From gourmet treats that delight your taste buds to inspiring books that feed your mind. Visit takecaretime.com to order your respite box today. Treat yourself or a loved one. To a well deserved break. Let's embrace the art of slowing down. Of cherishing quiet moments and of caring deeply for ourselves. Thank you for being a part of this series. Remember in the midst of decluttering. Our spaces and our lives, finding time to care for ourselves can be the most transformative step of all. Until next time. Take care. And keep sharing your stories. Please note, this episode contains reenactments and dramatize details. While in most cases we can't know exactly what was said. dramatizations are based on research. Names location and certain identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals involved. Until October. Take care. And keep sharing your stories. Do you