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Saints in the Parish
Sainthood isn't optional | Conversations on holiness, vocation, and the Catholic life.
Saints in the Parish
He Entered Catholic Seminary. He's Now 39 Years Old (Michael Gane) - Ep. 117
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Michael Gane gave up his apartment and career at 37 and entered Catholic Seminary.
In this episode, Donald Paul sits down with Michael Gane, seminarian for the Archdiocese of Mobile to discuss his discernment, his reversion to the faith, and his spiritual and human development in seminary as a 39 year old.
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Welcome back to another episode of Saints in the Parish Podcast. Donald Paul, the co-host, and I'm very happy to have with me Michael Gain, who's one of the seminarians for the Archdiocese of Mobile. So uh he's actually also here at St. Lawrence with us for the summer, about to finish up. So getting ready to go back to school. Um I'm sure you're excited about that.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, no, it'll be good to get back. Yeah. The summer's been great though. Yeah. It's been a nice little break. Yeah. St. Lawrence has been a lot of fun. Good. Oh yeah. They've been keeping me busy. Yeah. It's a really active parish. And I didn't realize that before I got here.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, when I first got here to work uh about three years ago, I was a little blown away by how busy and active it is. Yeah, I know. Um which keeps you busy, but also it's it's uh it's a very um heartwarming parish because it's definitely very active. So it's I'm I'm I'm glad you've had a a taste of that because it's fun.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, it's been great. I mean, they got the edge group, the life team group, the college group, the young adult group, they even got the treasures group. Yeah. As soon as one thing stops, the next thing starts. Yeah. And it's just uh it's it's frankly, it's great because it just doesn't really slow down. Yeah, you know. Nice. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. Well, thank you so much again for for coming on. And um, hopefully um everybody, if if they um are from Mobile and they don't know you, they can get to know you. Or if you're joining us or watching, you know, from outside the archdiocese, you know, hopefully uh you can learn a little bit about what discernment is, what it means to discern God's will in your life, whether that's that's priesthood or married life or single life or religious life, whatever it is, you know, we're all called to something. God's calling us to something. So hopefully your story and your experience in seminary thus far can can help all of us to to better hear the voice of God in our lives and you know to live out his call a little more faithfully. Um so very, very eager to talk with you.
SPEAKER_01So yeah, thanks so much. Anytime.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So just to get us started, you know, tell us a little bit about yourself, um, your kind of your background, you know, what you were doing before you entered seminary, um, and then uh obviously very importantly, like how you came to realize that you were being called, at least to go into seminary.
SPEAKER_01Oh, right, yeah, for sure. So um I'm 39 years old. I didn't apply till I was 36, and then I immediately turned 37. So I started that first year at 37, but but I'm from Mobile. I went to St. Dominic kindergarten through the eighth grade, went to McGill for high school, went to South Alabama, got an undergrad in communication right after that, and then I just kind of entered the working world, you know. It just was what you did, you know. You finished college and it was like, okay, where am I gonna fit? What am I gonna do? It slowly moved me into a sales career, which I'd been doing for quite some time. You know, I'd lived downtown for like 13 years before seminary. The cathedral became a place that was only like five blocks from me. So uh that ultimately ended up being the church that I gravitated toward. Okay. So I would still claim claim Saint Dominic as my parish, but the cathedral is really the place where I spent a lot of that time, especially leading up to discernment, gotcha, you know, of the idea of seminary and things like that. So it's definitely a special place for me that I consider home as well. But um, yeah, so I basically was kind of doing my own thing, like all through sales and stuff like that, kind of like controller of your own destiny in a little bit of a way, you know. It was like just do better, just sell more. You can have the things you need, and happiness comes through that and all of that. So, you know, I'd kind of been living my own life, doing my own thing. I hate to say it, but it's not really a secret to anybody who knows me. I mean, I wasn't really like an active practicing Catholic for many of those years. And uh, you know, I probably wouldn't drift back into the church unless it was for like a wedding or a funeral. Were you like that girl or something like that? As a result of the career. It was after high school. I think it really started in college, you know. But yeah, that's pretty much what it kind of evolved into. Okay. And it never really changed from that for the longest time. Uh, you know, my mom would she would call me every Christmas, every Easter, and be like, hey, you know, going down to the cathedral for midnight mass if you want to be there. Yeah, yeah. I hate to say it, but there were years where it was like, hey, um, not this time, but I'll see you, I'll see you tomorrow morning for Christmas, you know? And and it was always like that, but oddly enough, I mean, really, there was just this one year, like both of my sisters married happily, kids, all that. Birmingham, Alabama is where they're at. They decided to stay in town in Birmingham for Easter. Okay. So my mom, she always calls, like, you know, a month before the things. And it's like, all right, so here's the plan. This is what we're gonna do. But your sisters are gonna be up in Birmingham, so we'll just get together with your Uncle Peter, you know, get the grandma, we'll go over to his house, all the aunts and uncles will be there. It'll be good. And then, of course, you know, about a week and a half before Easter, she's like, Hey, uh, you want to go to Mass at the Cathedral for Easter? So here we are again, and I'm just kind of like, Look, mom, like, I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, you know, or I'll see you on Easter, you know, afterwards. It'll be a lot of fun. And so I remember getting off the phone with her, and it was like the first time I think I just really sat with that. It's like my mom's gonna be at the cathedral sitting all alone on Easter Sunday, and I'm not gonna be there. Yeah. And I'm her son. Uh-huh. I was like, man, I'd go just to keep her company.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right? So I go. You know, Archbishop celebrating all the stuff, you know, it's the it's Easter Sunday, right? Yeah. Cathedral's packed. And I just remember sitting in the environment and just saying to myself, like, I have been away from this for so long that it feels familiar and it feels foreign at the same time. You know? And so when I came home after Easter Sunday was done and everything, I just kind of sat with that and I started getting really curious. I was like, you know, I could just like walk to church. I could just be here on Sunday. I don't think I went back the next Sunday, but I did the next Sunday after that. I was the guy opening the book to the Nicene Creed, because I'll be honest, I had forgotten a lot of the words, you know. And so here I was, like, just kind of like getting back in the swing of things. It was really familiar for me too, because Father Bill was my pastor all the way back since the fourth grade at St. Dominic. And so here he is all the time at the cathedral. So I managed to just kind of like sink in, you know, to a rhythm, be there, and uh just was sitting alone, frankly, you know. And if you've been to the cathedral, you know there's there's families and things like that. So I'm just kind of sitting there, and I remember one day um in the closing announcements, Father Bill said, you know, we need more altar servers. We only had two today. Ideally, we'd like four. And we don't have any altar servers. So if you're interested in altar serving, let me know. And so I'm sitting there, I'm like, yeah, somebody will get their kid to do it, you know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because that's the way that works. Right. Well, so a couple weeks go by, here they are with two altar servers again, and at closing announcements, yet again, he says, you know, we need more altar servers. So I've been diving in on the faith, trying to like educate myself. I found out later what I was really doing was I was on a hunt to understand more about the faith. I didn't really just kind of want to be someone who was like, Yeah, I believe all this stuff and just be like a blind cooperator. I wanted to like really understand it. So I ultimately was just getting so curious. And so I'm sitting here and I I had started doing this crazy thing. I just decided to start reading the Bible, like a book, the way they tell you not to. I started at the beginning of Genesis and it took me like 14 months. I got through it. But so here I am reading the Bible and all this stuff, and just like reading literature on the mass and the things, you know. And uh he had asked yet again for more altar servers. And so I just kind of came and found him on a weekday. I was like, hey, Father Bill, I heard you said you need help. He's like, We need altar servers. I was like, Well, I've never really done it before, but if you show me how I'll help out. And so I really think that that's when um it really revved up a notch, you know. Cause like I started serving every single Sunday, started to get used to it, wasn't quite as nervous, you know. And then it really started to become enjoyable. You could kind of like sit in the moment, yeah, really feel it, and just see everything that was going on. And it was, it just really started to intrigue me. I would go back to work and I would say to myself, I think that the greatest thing that I do all week long is what I do between like 10 and 11:30 on Sunday. And it got to this point where you know it's like the organ fires up, everybody's processing out, everybody's singing, and you're like, but can we just do it like one more time? Because I it was almost like depressing in a little bit of a way because you knew that the minute we walked out, it was over. Back to your life. Yeah, you know what I mean? And so, you know, as time went on, I I started serving with the other seminarians during Holy Week and stuff like that. Got to know them. I remember serving the first thing I ever did with the seminarians was with Joey Pacini and Luke Nicholas at midnight mass at the cathedral, but I started to get to know them, and I guess ultimately I kind of got to know the vocations director, which was Father Victor at the time, and then it transitioned over to Father Gilbreth. And here I was again serving Holy Week, and uh I got proposition to go check out St. Minrod. And so it was it was really crazy because I'd been starting to think to myself, like, what is the next step? Like, will I just be an altar server for forever? Like, how long will I do this? Like, look at what Father Bill does. Like, could I do that? Yeah, it's possible. I mean, I don't know. A lot of questions. I'd kind of be curious to see what a seminary's like. Yeah. And and then I got asked without telling anybody if I was interested in going to visit. So I spent like four days, three nights up there, something like that. Yeah. Did a come and see. Some people know what that is, you know, just the come and see. You just get to go up and you shadow classes, you sleep in one of the rooms on the residence hall, and you kind of go through the routine. And uh I liked it. And um I knew like if I wanted to do it, well, first I'd have to get accepted. But if I did, I'd have to quit my job, you know. And and it was just weird. It never really felt like that big of a problem for me. You know? So I thought about it. I said, you know, when I get home, when I get off this bus after this very, very long bus ride, because St. Miner is so far away. Um, you know, it's like I'll know by then if if that was the place I was supposed to be. And I got off the bus and I looked at Father Gilbreth and I was like, hey, you know, I'd like to apply. So we got he got me an application package and we started that summer. And uh I got I got accepted shortly before the start of the next school year and just jumped right into the routine. It was unreal. I got out of my apartment so easy. Uh-huh. Got out of it like three months early without having to pay those three months. It was like, oh, thank you, God. You know, I mean, it all just got taken care of. Uh, you know, moving out of kind of like your apartment, your place where you've like lived and come back to every day. It was like really weird. But um, but yeah, we got up there and started getting adjusted. And so that's ultimately what led me to seminary was the curiosity, I would say. I just kept getting more involved. I kept getting closer and closer to like the mass and the sacraments and and my pastor and the people.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I kept being like, I want to know more, I want to know more. And it just became this thing that I just got just hooked on. Yeah. And so I said, like, I'd I'd be a fool to not look into this deeper because maybe there really is something there, you know? And so that's what it's really been. It's been two years so far of just uh studies and more of an understanding of the faith, just creating a firmer foundation, yeah. And just constantly saying, like, could you do this? Yeah. And as the as the time goes by, you say to yourself, like, I think, I think I could. It's just a matter of, is this what God wants from me? Yeah. You know, I've always tried to be like very like humble in that regard. Right. But at the same time, being aware of what's going on and knowing we're moving forward, and it seems like this is the direction we're heading, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. So you said like you kind of were curious, and it was kind of the curiosity that led you. Do you think that was it a curiosity to like follow the Lord more closely, or was it a curiosity of like the priesthood?
SPEAKER_01I would say it started with a curiosity of like following God more closely and understanding what the Catholic way of being really is and how to live that out in your life. And that slowly but surely brought me into this idea of the priesthood. Okay. Because what I found out that I loved the most was like giving my time to other people. Okay. I enjoyed being involved and like helping and being present with the Catholic community and stuff like that. And then I started realizing, like, wow, you know, the priest really like gives his entire life for the people. Yeah, yeah. He really like, you know, offers himself up to the entire community in that regard, constantly like a service style role. And so when I started looking at that, you know, I was like, yeah, I mean, you can't really get married to be a priest, but you know, that's pretty cool gig. Yeah. You know, uh I I think there's something here. Yeah, yeah. You know? So yeah, the curiosity brought me closer to understanding the role of the priest, and through that, I kind of like fell in love with this idea of like service and being like, I think that this might just be it, you know? Yeah like I think so. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, that's great. Yeah. So kind of as you're as you're making the decision, you said like, you know, the 10-hour bus ride to get from Minor back here, like you're making this decision. Is there any or was there anything that like was holding you back? Like is was there a fear? Was there you know, some people it's celibacy, some people it's like obedience, like you know, having to give up like you gave up your apartment, like now you kind of don't get to choose where you live. Like you know, was there anything like that, or was it like you said, kind of everything worked out, like the apartment and it kind of was smooth, you know. Was there anything you kind of had to overcome for me?
SPEAKER_01I think it was time. Okay. Yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but I think it was just time. I just felt like it was always ticking. And here I was at 37 or 36, entertaining the idea of applying to seminary, yeah, and I'd established myself and gotten things pretty taken care of, and you know, I was like, Whoa, like I mean, do I really have the time to dive into this to figure this out? So for some reason for me, that was like a big deal. And uh slowly but surely I realized like, you know, there is no waste of time when you're discerning the will of God. Yeah, you know, and if we're really moving in this direction, then why would we give anything less than like all our all of ourselves to figuring that out? I mean, for real, because it gave very it became very evident to me, like, you know, God is the sole reason that I exist. So my life has been given to me by God as a gift. So, you know, the least I could do with my life is discern what God's will is for me. Yeah, it got to this point where I was like, I don't really want to do what I want to do anymore. I just want to do what you want to do, you know. But like for real, because I know some people say that, but something happened, and it was just like, I'm just kind of, you know, I'm not gonna be content experiencing like the time that I have unless it's like what you want from me, you know? So it was like, no, this is just the direction we're headed in life. It started to be like sometimes you gotta naturally go with the most God-themed thing that's happening in your life. Yeah. And uh this was it. And so I just knew it. I was like, we're just gonna do this. Hopefully, everything works out as smooth as possible. So I was kind of just tickled to death watching everything just fall in line. Yeah, you know, it's really crazy. I remember talking to Father Patrick about it, and he'd just be like, Yeah, that's that's unreal. Like, I got out of my lease three months early and didn't have to find a way to pay for it. And I only owed a little bit on my car and paid it off. So I do have like no debt, and we can just go to seminary, like, yeah, yeah. How is this happening? You know, and it's like maybe that's why I never bought a property, you know what I mean? What a pain that would have been. I know some of these guys have had to just get rid of theirs, and that that just seems like such a headache. I would have never been able to pull off that such short notice, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01But everything fell in line, and I and I just try to like live by that mentality, you know, we're just doing what God wants. This isn't about you, this is about what he wants. Just surrender to that and just ride that that wave and see where it takes you. Nice. And man, has it taken me in so many different places and directions? It's been fantastic, yeah. And now I'm here, you know? And uh it's funny because I always say, like, I don't really know why I'm going here, but I'll figure it out. Yeah, yeah. You know, right. Because it's like, I don't know why he wants me here at St. Lawrence this summer, but uh, you know, I'm all about being present, just being here for whatever reason it is that I need to be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just really try to keep that mindset with everything. So we even go back to school, classes, you know, just try to stay that way. Easier said than done. I mean, sometimes it's not so easy, you know. Yeah, yeah. But it's good. And I mean, the school years right around the corner at this point. Yeah, yeah. We'll be like elbow deep and like metaphysics, epistemology, modern philosophy, natural law. Like that's that's what I'm looking at next semester. And I know it's gonna be tough. I mean, it's the final year of this like master's program that they offer in philosophy, it's Catholic philosophy too. So I'm really looking forward to just like learning more, getting involved and uh just enjoying my time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Were you always like really studious? No, definitely not.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, it's so funny. I actually ran into my eighth-grade English teacher from St. Dominic like last week. She found me after mass and she's like, Michael, you used to be so shy. And yeah, and I mean, oh man, I remember like never doing my vocab homework and stuff like that, and always getting in trouble, you know, because it's just like my mind, it just wasn't hooked on wanting to do it, you know. And like she was like, You've just grown so much. Like, look at you. I'm so proud. You've got your voice, this confidence, you know. I'm so proud of you in seminary, like doing these things. And it's like my grades are fantastic, yeah, by the way, so far. And I really think it just comes down to like, you know, when I'm mentally invested in something, right, right, right. I'm gonna give it everything I have. Yeah. So it's like, but if I'm not, you know, then I might just not be that intrigued by it. Yeah, which says a lot about this because I'm just hooked, just in the zone. And I've had so much fun with my classes, and it's I take it so serious, it's so bad. Sometimes I probably spend too much time in my room reading and doing the assignments, you know. Should probably get out a little bit more. Not to say I don't, yeah, yeah, but I should probably get out a little bit more. But it's so much fun. I mean, it's just like every day I feel like I stumble onto new things, yeah, and it it just blows my mind. Yeah. Sometimes I feel like thoughts and feelings I've had about stuff is validated and like writings that like Saints wrote about like 1500 years ago, right? You know, and it it so it's it's just good, it feels good. And I mean, originally the the desire to understand more is what led me deeper toward understanding the role of the priests and everything. So every day I feel like the foundation's getting a little more solid. Yeah. So I just love that. That's all and I know we're just gonna get so much more of that this school year. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, 100%. That's that'll be great.
SPEAKER_00So when you were coming in, like you know, right before seminary where you were like doing all your studying and reading, was there any is there anything that comes to mind as like these works were really Important to me, or like this book, or this author, or this you know, article, video. Like, what what what did you find was the most helpful for you kind of as you were in that like curiosity searching um like any books or anything like that that were particularly impactful?
SPEAKER_01Different things would come at different times, but I really enjoyed seeing Anselm. Nice, especially like his little work uh called On Free Will. Yeah. And the uh, you know, the proslogian is always really cool too. Yeah. But um, I really liked that kind of stuff, and we really dug deep on Aquinas this past school year. Nice. Talked a lot about the will and free choice or free will, you know, and the idea of man using his intellect to discern all, you know, all things are good, right? But some things are higher good and some things are lower good, and we're all trying to achieve more fullness of being. So man uses his intellect to discern between the goods, right? Yep. I was like, that came at a perfect time, you know, talking about how the will takes over the concupiscable desire of man. Right. Uh-huh. Yeah. But we've got free choice, right? So we could pursue lower goods, but it won't bring us to greater fullness of being, you know. I was just so hooked on that. I was like, this is, I know, right? Like you can't read all that and then not look at your own life and be like, whoa, we've been doing this, you know. You know, and it and it really brings it into a clearer picture because, you know, ultimately, like he talks about, you know, the greatest fullness of being is that perfect relationship with God. So what we're really doing, hopefully, is discerning between these higher and lower goods and an effort so that our will takes over and we want to pursue these goods that bring us closer to God in this quest for that more perfect fullness of being, you know? And then like perfect freedom and stuff like that. I love that so much. Like you're not truly free until you don't want to pursue anything of a lower nature that leads you away from God. It's completely different perspective on we view what we view as freedom, you know?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So when you look at freedom in that regard, it it starts to be like, yeah, you're not really truly perfectly free, apparently, until all you want to pursue is things that move you closer to God. Yeah. And uh so we dug in so deep on all of that kind of stuff, and it was just an absolute blast.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean the papers were tedious, but they got done. Nice, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. So it was great. Yeah, that's great. So just shifting a little bit towards more kind of spiritual life, what did your spiritual life look like? I know you were kind of falling away from the church before, but in that you know, lead up to going to seminary and now, how is your spiritual life developed since your spiritual life and your relationship to God? How has that developed from kind of right before seminary and now your two years of seminary? Kind of what it take us through that spiritual transformation.
SPEAKER_01Even when I wasn't going to mass, I always understood that there was a God that existed, you know, and and I would always like come to him in prayer, but it was mostly for like requests. Yeah. He was like borderline vending machine for me, you know, be like, oh God, this really needs to be like this, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I know you're out there, you know. It was very, but that was that was about the depth of it, you know. And uh, so I guess when I started to get curious, you know, it well, first off, I didn't really even completely know where to start. So I just was like the best thing I can do is just walk back into the church and sit down and get through this, yeah. You know, and get comfortable with that. And so I feel like spirituality-wise, it was interesting because a lot of the early spirituality was just me like taking in what I was seeing in mass and stuff like that. And then it started like lining up with the Bible, you know, like in Isaiah when he puts the coal on his tongue, and then the seraphim angels are singing, like, holy, holy, holy, Lord God of hosts. I'm like, oh my gosh, that's what they sing in Isaiah when he sees God. Like, whoa, the veil in the tabernacle. It's like this is the holy of holies rolling the high priest goes, like, whoa, the altar, oh my gosh, like this is the sacrifice, this is the new sacrifice, you know, and like in Hebrews, like the one time sacrifice is greater than all the animal sacrifices. So the Bible really started like come to life through just going to mass. And I got like super hooked on that for a long time. I mean, it took me 14 years to finish. So it really occupied a lot of my time. But it got to this point where I was just diving in and just realizing that like this wasn't just back then, like a lot of these problems and these themes and stuff like that. You think of like David and Solomon, you know, or even Saul, like summoning psychic mediums and crazy things like that, because he's feeling weird about choices he made. And you're like, this stuff's all just still going on today. The world hasn't changed, it's just still a thing. And then I remember getting to the gospels, and for me, like by the time you get to Matthew, if you start on Genesis, you're begging for Jesus to come just as much as the Jews are. And then he finally comes, and you're like, wow, here he is. And so uh for some reason for me, I couldn't help but like hone in on like trying to dive in on his mindset, you know, and he really it just feels like he's calling us to a higher level of thought, just a different look and perspective on life. And I was so just turned on by that. I was like, this is so cool, you know, like really and truly, and then like doing the parables, having to explain to the disciples. Yeah, I love how his crew was like following him, but didn't really completely understand a lot. They must have been so lucky to get to see so many things, you know. But um, I just started tuning in on that, and it was like, oh, this mindset, this way of being, this Jesus lifestyle, I guess you could say. I was like, I love this. And it's like, well, how do you do that in your life? You know, like what does that look like? And so I would just constantly kind of like come back to the New Testament. And like Paul is really great at helping you understand that Catholic way of being too, and all his letters like to the Romans, like what an intense group of people to have to write letters to, and like Corinth, Greece, too. Yeah, that must have been rough. That's hard work, you know. And um, you know, I was just so so into that. And so it's always for me, it was like, but okay, how am I living out a good life? How am I being a decent person? How am I calling other people to a higher level of being? How do I, you know, just be that more like Jesus, right? Yeah, and it was like, wow, that's what we're doing. We're really just trying to be more like Jesus, you know? And so I would take all that to prayer. It stopped being like requests, you know what I mean? And more being just like prayer started turning into just being like, I see what's happening in my life, like I see the place that I'm in. How can I be what I need to be for others here? Yeah, you know, how can I find peace when things don't feel quite right? Yeah, you know, and just going on that that journey. Yeah, uh, I started praying the rosary pretty regularly and things like that. I experimented around with novenas and other little devotionals and everything like that. But at the end of the day, I feel like what I kept coming back to was just kind of like sitting in the moment and just seeing it for what it is, appreciating it and trying to understand who I am in that moment and how I can just be what I need to be, which is sometimes simply just a person that just sits and listens, you know.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And so it's really it's gotten to that point. But um, there are times when I do know Venus when I'm feeling it. Yeah, you know, I mean, hey, they're kind of cool, yeah. And and I enjoy them, and I I can you definitely see where there's a purpose for all the things. I got into the idea of doing a Marian consecration. I did it like three years ago because like there was this Bible study, this men's Bible study. We were like crawling through the book of Hebrews at a snail's pace. We were getting on newadvent.com, we were doing homilies that John Chrysostom had done on Hebrews, and we had started from the beginning and moved all the way to the end. Just to give you like a scope how slow it was. Like this group was already four chapters into Hebrews by the time I found out about it. And it wasn't until this spring semester that they finally finished Hebrews. So, I mean, they were going super slow, but one of the guys was like, Hey, you know, our next two meetings are kind of bookending the Annunciation. So I was kind of thinking about doing something Marian themed. So he actually read from Louis de Montfort's book, and uh it was this part about you know, Jacob and Esau and everything, and and Rebecca, right? And how she brings to make sure he gets his birthright, and how Mary is kind of like that figure, she's like a Marian figure in this story. Yeah. And like what Mary's doing is bringing us closer to her son so that we can receive our inheritance to right. I always remember walking away from that and just being like, that was too cool. So I went looking for this book. Yeah, yeah. You know, uh, I didn't find it. Uh went to the visitation gift shop, but I did find a Marion consecration book. It had this cheat sheet in the front. I was like, you know, hey, if you started on this day, yeah, you would be able to do your consecration on this Marion feast day. Yeah. So I'm looking at it and I'm like, well, if I started in five days, I could do a Marion Consecration, Our Lady of Mount Carmel. And I was like, why not? So I just did it. And I loved that so much. And um, I felt like it brought me closer to understanding Mary, which is someone that I hadn't spent too much time thinking on. And I mean, I've I'm sure you know, like, for anybody who's really delved in on Mary, it'll blow your mind, but just an amazing person. I love how it's like Jesus is equally human and equally divine. She was his mom. Yeah. You know what I mean? There were so many times where it's sit there and be like, geez, if you could help make me just like a smidge of like what you helped develop your son into, my goodness, what could what could I be, you know? And so it would turn to her a lot. That became a big thing. That became like a core. I really just fell in love with the idea of who she was, her motherly role, that like kind of like divine maternal vibe. Yeah. And just, oh, it's so great, you know, because at the end of the day, like what guy doesn't want a lady who's just kind of leading him closer to like this way of perfection that he's called to. And so uh that really that really brought me so much closer to her, especially as the years went by. And then oddly enough, you know, because everyone would be like, oh, you know, Saint Joseph, terror demons, all this kind of stuff. Never got into Saint Joseph. That was never my cup of tea. But yeah, then one day it clicked. It was like you were her husband. Yeah, you know, you were around her every single year. Yeah, like what was she like? Yeah, who are you to be a candidate for her? Right. How did y'all keep the household cool?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01You know, like what was that like day in and day out? Like, what a guy you must be. And so I really started diving in deep on Saint Joseph because it was just like, okay, well, if Mary calls you to a higher level of being to move you closer to her son, you know what I mean? Joseph was literally like her husband. So it's like clearly he must have been a model figure of that same way of being. And so I guess I kind of just fell in love with the holy family slowly but surely through all that. So that makes them with just being content with where you are, always trying to understand who you need to be, how to live out more like Jesus in your life and stuff like that, and just sitting uh in prayer, just being aware, almost like an adoration of just like everything that's happening, and just trying to be who I need to be in all those moments. That's really what it's grown into. Then every once in a while in class, you just get thrown little nuggets here and there of spirituality that kind of call you to a higher level of thinking, or maybe like validate things that you're feeling yourself. Yeah. And um, it just kind of makes the foundation stronger, you know?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so what have you so you anybody that knows about seminary or has been to seminary or you know, will understand this, but we can try to help some people understand. But when you your experience in like the pillars of formation, like human formation, like spiritual formation, you know, um intellectual formation, you know, all of your all the things that kind of make up the priest, how have how has seminary helped you specifically like you know, before you get to theology, you know, there it's the the big focus is on um human formation, becoming right not only just a better person, but like self-understanding and self-acceptance. Oh yeah. So how has that how has that been for you, especially being an adult, like you know, who I don't want to say you had all your stuff together, but you were like a functioning adult with a job and a place to live, and you know, you had kind of established yourself. So what was that like for you going from that to back to this kind of not elementary, but this kind of uh kind of stripping away all the stuff and like kind of building you up into kind of the man that God has called you to be as a human being? Kind of what what has that been like for you in seminary?
SPEAKER_01It's uh been unreal. Uh Propadic year for anyone who doesn't know is this year that really calls you to a higher level of understanding who you are in that human level of formation and the spiritual. In fact, the whole year is pretty much devoted to it. You're not gonna hit too heavy on the intellectual or the pastoral, but that year for me was really intense. I think there was a point where I just like woke up and I was probably brushing my teeth, looking at myself in the mirror and being like, Who am I? Yeah, you know, like like really the like when is the last time that you've stopped and been like, oh my gosh, I am a person with like thoughts and feelings and needs. Like, what do I like? What do I not like? What do I want? You know? And uh that was kind of like a rude awakening for me because I think I had just been functioning so fast every day. Yeah. You know, that I I was just like, you know, I just I'm just supposed to do this and I'm supposed to do that. Yeah. This is how I, you know, function. And, you know, woke up today, whatever, we gotta go, go, go, go. And it slowed down in seminary a lot. And um, eventually I had to come to terms with who I was, you know, and it my past kind of like bothered me a little bit, like not going to church. I was surrounded by people that had never stepped away from going to mass and stuff like that, yet I was here with all of them, and um stuff like that. And there was some stuff I had to get through for sure. I never once uh looked at myself and realized like I was a person, I existed, you know? And it's it's so hard to explain, but it's just like one day I was just like, oh wow, my name is Michael Gain, and I am in seminary, and you know, I am literally a child of God. Yeah, I know that sounds wild, yeah, but you just one day have that moment, and then you're like, Well, I gotta take care of myself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like, what does that mean for me now?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, what does that mean? And it's like, well, uh, you know, my life's a gift. Yeah, I should take care of it, you know, should probably like get good rest, yeah, go to the gym, yeah, you know, hang out with friends, yeah, do good in school, be appreciative for who I am, yeah, and just sit here and look at myself and actually understand that I'm a human being, you know. But oddly enough, it was in realizing that I was a human being that I started realizing that everyone else was too. So just like I have thoughts and feelings and you know, stuff, so does everyone else. You know, and so then that immediately like opened my mind to the idea that like we're all in the same boat together. So like don't just don't just be for me, but be for everybody. Yeah, you know? And you know, I hate to admit it, but that's something that I hadn't thought too much about, you know. It's like, well, if you know, if I have thoughts and feelings, if I have desires, if I have things I like and things I don't like, then that means this person and this person and this person all do too. Yeah. While we're all humans, like this is great. We should all care about each other, you know? Yeah, yeah. And it starts with caring about yourself, you know. How can you care about other people if you don't care about yourself? You know, how can you love other people if you don't love yourself, you know? And it's like you just can't, you know, you gotta figure it out. It starts within you, so work from that. And so uh human formation was wild. Yeah, conversations with spiritual directors and things after you have moments like that get pretty deep, but uh it was just great. Yeah, yeah, and it's still ongoing, don't get me wrong. We're not just like, oh, I've seen it, I know. But like, you know, it's gotten to that point where you were honed in on that and it's just continuing. Yeah, yeah. I try to take care of myself. I go to the gym like every day, you know, try to keep myself on a routine. I feel like a routine is really important, especially during the school year.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Don't let the routine break, just keep it solid, everything will flow through the start of the day, yeah, you know, and then the next thing you know the day will be over. Look back on that. How did you do? Yeah, yeah. I think you did all right, you know, maybe you didn't do all right, and all right, what can you improve on for tomorrow? Right, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. So human was good, yeah. Propodic year really really drove that one home. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. So now kind of as you're going back, you know, as you start your third year, kind of where is your um like where is your discernment now? Like how you know, you just to give you an idea, like my like when I was in seminary, you know, I think for myself, kind of as the years progressed, I left seminary in my fourth year. So I I'd finished three full years and I was um you know, like halfway through the fourth year. So I'd kind of been in it for four years, and I I kind of remember my for myself and even thinking back, like how my discernment changed and grew kind of as I was going. Like at first, it's kind of like you you were saying, you know, it you know, you love the priesthood, and you know, you're there because you think God might be calling you to the priesthood, and and you don't hate the priesthood because you wouldn't be there if you did. Right. Um, but it it's kind of like an elementary understanding of what the priesthood is, and you know, you're like, oh, I'm called to go here, so let me figure it out. And then as you go, it's like no, like I actually like I love celibacy, like I I see why, you know, and it so it's kind of growing and growing and growing. So kind of help help us understand kind of where you are, and then kind of your friends and like how the the seminary itself kind of moves you in that direction. Because I know for a lot of people that you know are Catholics that don't know about seminary, it can kind of seem foreign. Kind of, you know, it's like a machine that cranks out priests, you know, and it's not, it's a very organic everybody's different, and the way you can kind of your discernment moves. So kind of help us for yourself at least kind of how that has changed for you, um, your discernment of of priesthood or the vocation to priesthood.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think uh, you know, the first year is kind of easy because uh it's first off, it's a propode year, that's like a new thing. Well, we're only starting like the fifth year, they've made it mandatory at this point. But it gets you a year to like sit in it, yeah, and really think. But uh yeah, you know, I remember promising Roadie, like he's like, I'm not asking you to be a priest, I'm not asking you to promise being a priest. I just want you to promise me one good year. Can you give me that? You're like, oh heck yeah, I can give you one good year. But then you sit in that and you realize why you're there, and it's like, well, you know, we're not just in seminary, you know, just uh, you know, mill around and go through the motions. We're learning, and it it got real, like I told you with the human element too, it got really real, really fast. And uh, so it gets to this point where you're like, all right, this is where you go to become a priest. I'm here, I'm here in a place where people go to become a priest. So it's slowly, or at least for me, I don't know, everybody's different. I start to entertain the idea of like, well, what would priesthood look like? Yeah, like what would I do as a priest? What things would Bother me, what things wouldn't, what would be a struggle, yeah, what would be kind of okay, you know. And you sit in it, you almost kind of like preview it in your mind. You're like, is it possible? You know? And if there wasn't a desire there, I would have never come back for a year or two. Yeah. Just being completely honest. I I would have been like Propodeudic Year was an experience. I learned a lot, it was fantastic, you know, but I don't think it's for me. And I would have just stepped away. But there was this, there was something there. Because the thing is, when you took it seriously, like when you take it seriously, you stop and you go, Whoa. Like the priesthood's actually a really incredible thing. Like, I mean, and it goes beyond just the sacraments, like being there for the people, facilitating an active parish, right? Creating a community that people can rally around that's centered around Christ, and being the person that makes sure everyone receives the sacraments and everything like that. It's a huge role, it's a beautiful role, you know. And so you start to think like, well, you know, when you start asking how I can live my life for God, it becomes extremely obvious that this would be a fantastic way that you could do it. You know, and so in that second year, you're kind of like, wow, the priesthood is an incredible thing, like it's so amazing. Like you could really just impact so many people's lives and be there for so many people, you know, because people need people. And there's nothing wrong with being a decent guy that people can come to. And I mean, the priest is that that person, you know? And so you're like, oh, I love this. This is beautiful. I would love to do that, you know. And then it's like as time goes on, we roll into the third year, and it's like, okay, well, what's that gonna take from you? You know, I joke around sometimes with my friends, I'm like, third year, so this is a big year. Yeah, this is a huge transition point. Yeah. Moving to theology, declaring candidacy, stuff like that. Again, we're just falling back to that, yeah, I just want to do what God wants me to do. Right. Gonna trust. Yeah. Everything is gonna get figured out. I see the beauty in it, I love it. I've fallen in love with it so many times. You know, I I've seen the things, I've felt the things inside of myself that would make me want to like walk away in pursuit of something else. You know? Like, it would be great to be a dad, don't get me wrong. Right. Sometimes when I see the kids and the little happy families, I'm just like, oh man, it's beautiful, you know. My sisters are starting to have kids. I'm seeing the other side, right? You know, but there's still something there.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It keeps pulling me to keep going.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then, you know, you think about it, you're always just like slowly knocking out one more year. Before you know it, you're gonna be staring it in the face.
SPEAKER_03Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_01So I'm really aware, but I don't think that there's I don't know. It just feels really good.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I'm kind of just sticking with that, you know? Yeah. I think it's just socially and culturally, it feels weird. Yeah, yeah. Because you're like, no, you're supposed to like, you know, do this and move toward this and then have this. And and as a priest, you kind of move in the opposite direction a little bit. You go in directions that other people don't normally go.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And you give up things permanently that other people would consider like a normal facet of life. And uh, you know, it's like, even though it's weird, it's just not weird enough to make me stop, you know, is if that makes any sense. Yes, no, it does. So after two years, like that's kind of where we're at. I'm going in, you know, full on, ready for year three, like we're gonna do this, you know. But the relationship with God has grown. I think we're close. He knows what I think and feel. I know what I think and feel. We're gonna piece this all together the best way possible. Because to us to assume the role of a priest, I don't just want to do it for me. I want to do it for everyone else. And I would want to know that I was what I needed to be for that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So always just focus on that 100%. You know, I want to know that I'm gonna give it everything I have, you know? Yeah, because the people deserve nothing less. Yeah, yeah. So it's if that's where we're headed, that's where we're headed. Yeah. And it feels it feels comfortable enough with me to keep moving. Yeah. So we're just gonna keep exploring it. Nice, you know? That's awesome. Yeah, it's it's been unreal, you know, and I know we're all in seminary, like all my classmates, the guys in the years ahead of me, behind me. One thing that I love at the end of the day is like sometimes like when you're sitting in the chapel at evening prayer, like at Miner, we do this great thing. We have adoration from four to five. And then, you know, while he's still up there on the altar, we go in ahead and have evening prayer, you know, and then uh we wind everything down. And there's so many times I find myself just sitting in the chapel, like while we're chanting the psalms, because we do we chant the psalms there. It's a bunch of monks, you know. And um, I just kind of just look around and I'm like, look at all us just together, just discerning priesthood. It's like, what's the common theme amongst you and everyone else here in this room right now? We're just all guys who literally just stopped whatever we were doing in life to come to seminary and discern God's will for us. Yeah, you know, and I mean, like our rector says, he's like, Some of y'all are gonna leave as priests, you know? And I love that so much. It's just like, yeah, no kidding, right? Like, this is really where we're at. This is the coolest place ever. Yeah, like we are in this amazing bubble. And minor it is just so cut off from everything, right? You know, I mean, literally cut off. I mean, we're an hour east of Evansville, an hour west of Louisville, 45 minutes north of Owensboro. We're in the middle of nowhere, yep, in this place where everybody thinks and feels the same way about God, and we're all just learning and growing and discerning and going, what do you want from me? Could I be a good priest for you? Is this what you want for me? It's just so cool. I mean, you know, sometimes living with like 120 guys has its challenges. Yeah, yeah. But at the end of the day, sometimes when you sit in the chapel, it's just it'll put a smile on your face. It's like, look at all of us. Yeah, just discerning God's will. You know, look at us. Like you or we, you know. This is great.
SPEAKER_00That's awesome. That's awesome. Well, that's a great ending. Uh, I can't I can't end it any better than that. Um, well, thank you so much for for sitting down with us and having a having a great conversation. I hope it was super helpful for for everybody listening. Thank you for your vocation. Oh, of course. Um, for saying yes to going to seminary and for uh giving it 100% and uh and discerning. And um yeah, just thank you. It was a great conversation. So thanks for having me. Hope it was it was fun for you. Yeah, it was super helpful for everybody else. Um thank you for your time this summer at St. Lawrence. I know it's coming to an end now, but uh I know uh you've you've helped a lot of people and touched a lot of people's lives, and I know you've had great experiences and uh everybody speaks very highly of of you and and your time here. So uh so thank you so much for for your yes. Thanks. Absolutely. Well, if you uh if you haven't subscribed, please do so. If you haven't liked the video, please do so. If you're listening on the podcast apps, you can rate and review and send this to to a friend or two um that maybe discerning the priesthood or um is is interested in in finding out uh about the priesthood and about seminary. But until then, we will see you in the next episode. God bless.