The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Journey to Freedom serves as an exclusive extension of the Living Boldly with Purpose podcast series—a platform that inspires powerful transformation and growth. Journey freedom is a podcast hosted by Brian E. Arnold. The Journey to Freedom is an our best life blueprint exclusively designed for black men where we create a foundational freedom plan. There are five pillars: Identity, Trust, Finances, Health and Faith.
The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Rise from the Past: From Struggles to Success: A Conversation on Accountability
Join us as we navigate the transformative journey of resilience and accountability in the latest episode of the Journey to Freedom podcast. Our host, Dr. B, engages in a heartfelt conversation with a remarkable guest who shares his powerful story of overcoming the challenges faced while growing up in Gary, Indiana—a city once labeled the murder capital of the world. Reflecting on complex themes of community and family, our guest offers a raw and honest perspective on the impact of his upbringing, painted in stark realities but woven together with threads of inspiration.
As the dialogue unfolds, hear about his life-changing decision to move to Detroit, a move catalyzed by an unexpected calling to seek a new purpose. Listeners will find themselves absorbed in discussions of fatherhood that emphasize the critical role men play in their children’s lives. The importance of accountability is highlighted, driving home the message that understanding our past and embracing our responsibility can lead to growth.
Throughout the episode, we look at the dynamics of relationships and associations, showcasing how the people we surround ourselves with influence our paths toward success. Highlighting the synergy between uplifting voices within the community, our guest encourages all fathers to lead by example and invest in their children’s futures.
This powerful episode invites you to reflect on your own journey and the legacies you want to leave behind. Don’t miss this engaging conversation that underscores the potential for transformation and the stories that inspire us all toward freedom. Tune in, subscribe, and please share your thoughts on the impact of these discussions!
At one point we was considered the murder capital of the world, called Perk Capital. So that was the mid-90s, late-90s man. So it was rough out there, man. As a young black male you have to really think and strategize.
Speaker 2:Welcome to another edition of the Journey to Freedom podcast, and I am Dr B. I'm your host today, and, as always, we have some incredible guests. We have people that are doing things. You know, sometimes we hear on the media, we see in the stories that we hear, the narrative that we hear is that people are not getting it done. They're always stuck in the past so they're worried about what's going to happen, and so what this show does is it highlights folks that say it doesn't matter our circumstances, it doesn't matter where we grew up, it doesn't matter the things we have. We're going to make this work regardless and so just so excited to have CJ on today. You know CJ, when I started the Journey to Freedom podcast it came out of, I went up to Minnesota and I went through this trust leadership program that I thought was was really good.
Speaker 2:But there's four or four or five hundred people in the room and they're learning all this stuff about trust and realize there's only about 30 folks of color less men Right that are that are in in the room. And I'm going. This is some really good information. I get to have it. Why is my culture, my folks, not getting to experience? Because when I think of the trust in the room, who trusts the least? Right? And then I start thinking about.
Speaker 2:You know, we don't trust ourselves a lot of times. We don't trust each other. A lot of times we don't trust whether we call the white man or the man or whatever we want to call. We don't trust that. And we have this, this, almost this belief, where we're taught not to trust, we're taught to be very cautious, we're taught to you know, there somebody is always coming after you and you need to make sure that you have all your ducks and everything in a row.
Speaker 2:And so I came back and I was praying and, you know, I said I really want to help folks of color, and I heard God just speak to me saying no, I need you to work with black men. And so Journey to Freedom came out of that. And so last year in 2024, I said I'm going to interview 100 black men that are doing stuff you know. And so I started this journey of finding people to interview. And it wasn't necessarily trying to interview people that were famous or people that you know, that we see on the billboard all the time. You know, uh, that we know all the stats about their life, about, you know, the everyday guy who's in the community, whether they're working with kids or working with each other or just making a difference. Uh, that are huge, and what I found across the country is just some incredible so, so I got 105 done last year.
Speaker 2:I'm already we're in january. Still it didn't rain in January of 2025. I already got 15 this year going. I'm just going to keep going and I found you and so I'm just excited to have a conversation with you today to find out your story, find out what you got going. I mean, we already got to talk about basketball and the Lakers and why we do some of the things we do right basketball and the Lakers and why we do some of the things we do right. You know you talked about your dad and that relationship and a lot of our theme and the thing we've been talking about is what does it mean to be a dad and what does it mean to be, you know, a son and a husband and you know the relationship part of it and just some really good things. So I'd love for you to just kind of start with your story.
Speaker 2:Who are you? You know, sometimes we do these and we just type you just kind of start with your story who are you? You know, sometimes we do these and we just well, what's your bio? And they tell us what they do, but they don't ever tell us who they are, and so I'm excited to just kind of hear your story, observe it, absorb it, and then we'll just see where we go from there.
Speaker 1:So thank you again for being on spending your time, taking your time to be on the show today oh, man, I appreciate it, man, I appreciate you having me on and I I like what you're doing, man. As far as you say the journey to freedom, man, how you started off and the reason why you started it kind of put me in the mind of why I started my podcast as well. When I first started the CJ Moneyways show, my aim was to go for black men as well.
Speaker 1:That was that was my whole target. Uh, I wanted to start a podcast. I called myself doing some stuff like in 2013, so it was.
Speaker 1:It was birthing in me, you know I didn't, I didn't actually start it to uh, october 6 2022. Like you, I did like 94 episodes last year and this year, man, the, the my books is just off the chain right now. I need a. I need a personal assistant to be honest with you, like for real. For real, you know how it is man grinding doing this every day, gotta you know, uh, set things up, set up the, the stream yard and all that. Man, people don't know the behind the scenes things that you have to do.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying to keep this thing moving and to put out 100 episodes. I know exactly what it is, man, and how it is, because I've been there. But you know, that's something that I wanted to do as well. But when I got on Podmatch, it kind of changed the trajectory of the way that my podcast was going. I didn't have a flow, you know. I didn't have uh, that's what I wanted to do as far as um a for me, but you know how they say in the podcast world to have a niche. I didn't have a niche, uh, certain things or whatnot, but and so but.
Speaker 1:Now I just interview people and, like you said, man and and, and it resonated with me because that's the same thing that I do. I wanted to build a platform for the everyday man and woman, people that had a story to tell, that wouldn't be invited to the Oprah Winfrey shows or the Kevin Hart shows or, you know, shaq shows and things of that nature, and I felt as though we had stories to tell as well, just as interesting as they do. You know, they tell theirs on another scale, but, like you said, somebody that's going through the same struggles that I'm going through, somebody that may be going through some challenges that I'm going through, that we just can't throw money at it, can we talk? So that's something that I tried to build my podcast on as well, because, at the end of the day, tagline for the cj moneyway show is um success behind the stories. You know stories behind the success, because somebody may see dr b where he is now but, they don't know what it took for you to get to where you are now.
Speaker 1:They don't know the trials and tribulations and the and the tears and the hard work that it took to get that doctor behind you, in front of your name, and things of that nature, man. So that's how.
Speaker 2:That's how I basically, you know said, tried to build my platform and started the CJ Money Way show oh, I love it I love it so tell me a little bit about your, your background, like where you, where you grew up and you know where were you from a little bit. Just, you know you're in indiana now because you started out there. Have you always been there. You moved around a little bit. What's that like?
Speaker 1:born and raised gary, indiana man, uh, 1973, uh, I was raised in a two, uh, two-parent household. Uh, went to my mother when I was younger, took me, me, to church. The Bible say train up a child in the way they should go, and when they get older they won't depart from it. When I got to an age where I was able to make my own decision on if I wanted to go to church or not, I decided not to, and so that was that was my. That was my thing, you know, just like a lot of people didn't think that it was important, didn't think that it was valuable to my life. And so I just live life, man, from 16 to, I want to say, to my early 30s, just living like I had everything figured out, only to come to find out I really didn't have nothing figured out. I was lost. I was lost in the sauce, as they say. You know, and, doc man, it took me to go to Detroit. When I moved to Detroit in 2000, the year 2000, me and my cousin moved to Detroit. I started at the casino down there and it changed the trajectory of my life. I found out that I had a talent in writing. I hated school. I didn't like school. So when I got to Detroit, things slowed down.
Speaker 1:At times, when you get away from certain people, you get, you know, like he did Abraham. He took him away from his kinfolk and told him to go to a land that he didn't even know that he was going to, and so, but sometimes, man, we just got to get in a place where God will take you, to a place where the only voice that matters is his. You know what I'm saying, because we can go through so many things and mundane activities every day, just over and over, and over and over again, repeating the same things, whether we in the hood and we sitting out there and we kicking it with the fellas, drinking beer, drinking Hennessy or smoking weed. We doing the same thing repetitively every day. And so when do you have time to really sit back and hear the voice of God, when he's speaking to you, when he's trying to lead your steps and lead you in a different direction?
Speaker 1:I don't, because I'm too consumed in doing what I want to do and what my direction is taking me, what I want to do and what my direction is taking me. And so that's what kind of changed my life, because I had to realize that my direction wasn't taking me nowhere. It was taking me to a dead end road man. And so going to Detroit and getting back in church. That's why I used a scripture earlier train up a child in the way that they should go and when they get older they won't depart from it.
Speaker 1:And I felt that he was drawing me into him, man, child, in the way that they should go and when they get older they won't depart from it. And I felt that you know he was, he was drawing me into him, man, and from that moment on I I ain't look back. Oh, my gosh, I love it.
Speaker 2:Talk to me a little bit about gary, because gary is one of those unique cities in our country that you know folks all michael jackson came from there but I mean that's just one aspect of gary, indiana, because I think it almost had its own economy or had its own economy that was predominantly folks of color that you know. You saw black teachers, you saw black bankers, you saw black people who own dealerships and that kind of stuff in the city. And then you lived in Detroit for a while, which is a little bit different of a city than Gary Indiana. You lived in Detroit for a while, which is a little bit different of a city than Gary Indiana. What kind of things can you say that helped you become the man that you are today, as a result of maybe growing up in Gary or the types of things that you saw we were able to do?
Speaker 1:Well, one thing about growing up in Gary, especially back in them days, man, it used to be community orientated and very family orientated you know, family would come together on holidays, whether it's Christmas, thanksgiving, fourth of July, things of that nature, and it was just a family atmosphere.
Speaker 1:And then the community where everybody, like you said, said we went to school together, we played ball together and you know, we, just we. It was like it was a brotherhood, so so not like my cousins they may be not just my cousins, but they was my brothers and so you have friends that come on from the outside.
Speaker 1:We were so close and so, you know, hung out together so much they don't, they not long, no longer just a friend, that's my brother. When you say, hey, that's like my little brother, that's my brother, you know, and that's just how it was. Man, and coming up in Gary, as people may not know, but some people may know, at one point we was the, we was considered the murder capital of the world called Perk Kappa, and so that was the mid-90s, late 90s man. So it was. It was rough out there, man, and so, as a young black male, you had to, you had to really think and strategize.
Speaker 1:And, like I said, I wasn't the most, you know, I was out there doing my thing and I thank God, and this is the reason why I say I thank God, because I was doing so much out there in the streets and I thank God and this is the reason why I say I thank God, because I was doing so much out there in the streets and I wasn't, you know, I wasn't a drug dealer or anything like that. I knew that there were certain things that I didn't want to do. One thing I did want to do. I didn't want to go to jail. That was never an option for me.
Speaker 1:And then, another thing was I never wanted to go to the military. So those two things in my life that I never wanted to do, you know, that was just me. And so, therefore, if you don't want to do something, if I didn't want to go to jail, that I didn't want to do anything that was going to leave me or give me the chance to go to jail, so I didn't want to go to jail, so I didn't sell drugs, you know. So I worked a nine to five. I seen players in the hood they doing a thing or whatever. Hey, kudos to you, but I'm fit to go to this casino and start flipping some of these cars, or I'm fit to go work at this candy factory or whatever. You know, and I never been, you know, just growing up in the hood, man.
Speaker 1:Again, another thing too you had to be mentally and physically tough growing up in, gary, man, because you know you go through different sets we playing ball, playing basketball, football, whatever, some places. You win. When you got done, whether win, lose or draw, you better be ready you know what I'm saying Not just to walk away, to go home, you better be ready to put them knuckles up, man. And that's just how it was man, and so, therefore, I think it shaped me into the man that I am today. Not that I, you know, want to bully anybody or anything, but I just don't. A lot of things I just don't take no mess on either.
Speaker 2:All right, Decided you and your cousin were going to move to Detroit. You know, and I recently just wrote a book called the Decision Formula and one of the parts in the Decision Formula is talking about making decisions that are reversible or irreversible. And we realize is most of the decisions we make are reversible. Like you cut your, you know irreversible will be you're going to get your leg amputated. It's not going to grow back, right, but reversible will be. Like we're going to move and try to have a better life in another city. If it doesn't work out, then we just come back home. And I think so many people think you know in this decision like you know, if I move there, then you know life, you know I'll never be able to come back and I'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker 2:Right Detroit's not that far away from from Indiana Four hours. So what was some what was kind of the thought process of why you guys were going? Did you already have jobs that were going to allow you to be successful, or thought you would, or what was the lure of that? And then you know what brought you back to Indiana years later.
Speaker 1:You know it's funny.
Speaker 1:You asked me that I was just telling some guys at work about this. The other day we were talking about it and when I went, we went to Detroit for a family reunion on my father's side and we stayed at this hotel called the Ramada Inn and in this hotel they had a nightclub called Yesterday's and the nightclub was jumping and I'm like man, I'm moving to Detroit. As I told you, I was living a life. I was doing all the wrong. You know what I'm saying. For all the wrong reasons. I'm like I was living a life. I was doing all the wrong. You know, for all the wrong reasons. I'm like I'm moving to Detroit. And so I was working at the casino, at Trump Casino back. No, no, I wasn't, I was working at Harris East, chicago back then.
Speaker 1:Okay, and Detroit was opening up casinos and you know, anytime you start opening up new casinos and things of that nature, people that have experience get a chance to come in, move up, to move up a level. So if I was a dealer, I got a chance to be a supervisor. Now then, you know, pit boss and so forth and so forth, and so that was so. After that, I'm like man, I'm going to detroit, and so I talked to somebody that was running, uh, parts of the operation in Detroit and I called him up and, you know, wanted me to come down there, take a test, things of that nature. And then it just so happened that my cousin, one of my older cousins that I grew up, with his job, shut down in the mill. There was a contractor in the mill, but they were stationed in Detroit. Well, it was stationed in Detroit and one in Atlanta, and it just happened that way that we both decided to leave and move together at the same time.
Speaker 1:But to tell you, doc, man, to be honest with you, sometimes you thinking that you doing things on your own admission. You know, like I'm thinking, I'm going to Detroit because you know, yesterday, because they got the club and everything, whatnot, whatnot. But, like I said earlier, that wasn't my call. God called me to Detroit for a reason, because there was some things that I had to get instilled inside of me and I had to sit down long enough to see clear what he had for me. And as far as coming back, because I got two kids in Detroit, and so, as far as coming back, because I got two kids in Detroit. And so, as far as coming back, I was like Friday, I was like Ice Cube.
Speaker 1:On Friday I got fired on my vacation. I was on vacation, but I had a couple of dreams prior to that and he was telling me to go home. And I'm like, I'm not going back there, I didn't want to go back home, I had no intentions on coming back home and uh, so so wind up getting fired, still tried to stay, and I wind up having to come back home anyway. Then, as as time revealed itself, because my wife, now that we've been married for 15 years, but we have been knowing each other for like 27, 28 years before we got married, and, um, I look back at it now, doc, and say I had to leave detroit because my wife was in indiana. You know, you, we thinking one thing yeah, on this and that, but god got a whole nother plan, man, and marrying this woman has been the best thing in my life, man, to be honest with you oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Well, talk to me a little bit, because, because you're in detroit, you get there, you made the decision to move, and then you have this experience with, with your faith. All right, like god says, wait a minute. I brought you here because I'm going to do something special with you.
Speaker 2:You know a lot of what I like to say I want to help people become the person they need to be in order to do what God put them on this planet to do. And so God pulls you out. Kind of walk me through that faith journey that you've had over the years and you know that. Hey, I know this is what you have me doing, god. I'm not sure you know and for most of us, I'm not sure I know how to do it. I'm not sure I know how to do it, I'm not sure I'm going to be good at it, but I'm going to, I'm going to follow you, I'm going to be faithful in what you're asking me to do.
Speaker 1:Kind of talk to me about that revelation and how that worked in your life. You know, like I said, man, I was in Detroit, I was still doing my thing, I was still still wild, and Detroit had more women than Gary did I'm going to be honest with you. But so I was still out there, uh, as, as they say on the movie, was coming to america sawing his royal oats, yeah, when I? Yeah, and sawing plenty of them. But, um, but then I, I ran into this one girl that I work with and she was going, she invited me to a church and a great amount of zion baptist church pastor, tony hill, um, and man, it it, man, it just changed some things in me from the first day, the first moment I walked in there, you know.
Speaker 1:And then when I walked in there, man, and at the church, he was praying over people. So you know, this is my first time coming there, whatever, you know people in the line. And he said and so I'm like well, he ain't got nothing to say to me, he really don't know me like that. And so he got to me and he said son. He said whoa. He said son, if a man can take care of one pair of shoes, just imagine what he can do with 100 pairs of shoes. I didn't catch you and he said I want you to start writing and reading the first five chapters of the Bible. And I was astonished because I had been writing this book Both Eyes Open and Both Eyes Shut. I started in 2000, in the year 2000. And I had been writing this book and I had notebooks full of scriptures because I was putting them into the book.
Speaker 1:And it was just so you know what I'm saying it was just so amazing, so powerful to me. I'm like, wow, god speaking. And so, from that moment on, man, I started reading the word for myself. You know, going to church and reading the word for myself, man, because the Bible say that a man can't eat by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God. And so when we start talking about spiritual warfare, things that I was going through, uh, being uncovered, not knowing, you know that I was getting hit with these fiery darts, man, but when I started learning certain things, man, how to withstand the enemy and you know I'm saying things of that nature, man it just changed the view of the direction of my life, man, that I started going and I and I'm at the point now I can't turn back- nor would you want to right.
Speaker 1:I mean no, nor would I want to life I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one of the things that has been a theme in our show, um, it's been this thing called fatherhood and I know you talk about you having kids and we've talked about all the different things that go into African-American black men and fatherhood, our belief system, and one of the things that I'd love to talk about is I think that I haven't had one person say that a child shouldn't have a dad.
Speaker 2:Everybody 100% believes in how important it is, but I don't know if we all understand wholeheartedly what it means to be a dad and how it changes who we are and the way that we look at life when we're responsible for somebody and being able to be there and nurture and cherish. And some of us didn't get the opportunity. You know we have, we had women or our you know, partners that would say, well, I don't want him seeing, I don't want his influence on my kids, I don't want him around that kind of stuff and the fights that some of these men have had to have just in order to see their kids and be around their kids Kind of talk to me about, because I know you're a dad and you talked about I have, I had kids that are in, you know, in detroit. What does it mean to you to be a dad and and that responsibility that goes with it uh, first, doc, let me, let me go back to what you were saying.
Speaker 1:You know, in the beginning, before I get, get to that, because sometimes in life you have to learn how to value certain things. So, like I said before, I was living this life, life, man, I was wild. I was having two, three girlfriends at a time. That's just the life that I was living. That was me and you know, you. You you asked the question earlier where it was on the one of the questions that you had sent me and it was talking about, you know, like, why do black men get stuck? And part of you know saying my answer to that is accountability. And, uh, in life I wasn't taking accountability for my actions and for myself. And so, uh, I was doing things, I was living a life and I was having kids and although I was trying to be a loving father, I wasn't, I wasn't in the home to be present, okay, and that's important.
Speaker 1:I'll get to that in a second. Why important? Because I've seen it from both sides of the fence and the things that you was talking about as far as having different baby mamas, having to go through different situations, uh, wanting to be a father, trying to be a father, but there's different facets and that's what a lot of times, even kids, when they grow up, when they grow up and things is not, you know saying, like you know, between me and they, mother is not what they expect it to be, or they don't know why the situation is what it is, and so you form an opinion about that parent on. You know saying why that parent ain't there or why wasn't they in the household with you, but they don't know you wasn't even born. You don't even know what happened between me and your mama. You know what I'm saying. Like things happen and I've had to take accountability with my oldest son, who is 28 years old now, and I've told him everything you know about me, him, his mother and the things that I was doing, because I didn't want him not knowing.
Speaker 1:You know saying or saying what oh, daddy, you didn't raise me from the inside. You know why you wasn't with my mama. I was out there acting a fool, son, I was out there trying to live my life. I gotta, I gotta think I I'd speak about it later. Uh, doc, I gotta. I got another podcast. Talk about it later. And I and I did an episode called uh playground to purpose. And and what I mean by playground to purpose is is that uh cj was on the playground, I was on the merry-go-round and and the kids were sitting around spinning me on the merry-go-round because I was trying to find my way in life. You know what?
Speaker 1:I'm saying like how you have a lot of parents now, where I think it was on baby boy would say mama, gotta have a life too. Jody, you know what I'm saying. So it's like we're trying to find things in our life that we're trying to do. So we want to go out to the club, we still want to hang out and drink, we want to go to the casino. We want to do these things, and a lot of times we leaving the kids at home, basically fending and raising their sales, and so those are some of the things that I had to come into.
Speaker 1:Uh, you know, saying took grips with that. A lot of. You know I'm trying to blame the baby mama for this, so I'm trying to blame her for that. Why she blaming me for this and that? But then I had to sit back, because the bible tells us this too. Uh, doc, and it's been one of my big things when I was a child, I spoke as a child, I reasoned as a child, but when I became a man, I put childish things behind, and so, therefore, we still have a lot of men, we, we, we grown in age, but we still operate in a childish mentality in a childish way, the things that we're doing, and so, um, I got married, my son 14 years old now, and I just, you know, I just see the difference and I know the difference from raising the kid from the outside and raising the kid from the inside.
Speaker 1:I'm that kid from the inside, I'm that man. I know it ain't something that I got to tell you about somebody else's experience. I know what it is to raise a kid from the outside and inside and it's totally different, man. It's totally different and I love it. You know, I love my kid. But you do have disputes at times because a kid sees you on the inside, with the woman that you married and the child that you with on the inside, and it becomes a jealousy thing, thinking that you love this kid more than me. But that's not the case. It's just. Situations are different. You know what I'm saying and that's in life Everybody. Some situations may be similar, but every dynamic is different because every household is different and so it can't be the same. It's just similar in appearance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it is.
Speaker 2:And, like you said, until you mature and are able to be that person who can be that great dad or can be that dad who's, you know, president, and all that, uh, you can't compare that, right, you can't compare. You know it's hard for the kids, right, and this goes back. This isn't new, right? You mean, kate and abel were having issues and you know the bible's full of issues, you know. You think of, you know david and saul and I'll be all those things, all those relationships were, all you know, as crazy as the relationships we have now.
Speaker 2:But I think what's neat is you still maintain relationships with all your kids, Right, you know to the degree that you could. I mean, if they, if they're upset with you, you can't control that. All you can control is the part you can do and it sounds like by having those conversations and telling them hey, I wasn't the man I should have been. You know that that goes towards healing and lacy knows exactly where you stand and what you, what you believe. Now, I mean is there uh, do you get to talk to your 28? You say he's 28 now. Uh, do you get to talk to him often or enough to to still have relationship, or how? How is I?
Speaker 1:talked to him enough to still have a relationship. I got I got a little grandbaby, you know, with him I mean, he got a little grandbaby, I mean a baby, so I got a grandbaby now. So, yeah, you know, we talked, uh, he got a girlfriend now. So you know things, things change, but I'm still a father you know what I'm saying and I still love you. And at the end of uh, as I was telling some guys at work the other day, at the end of the day, as as fathers, we had to lead by examples, you know. And so, with him having a little boy and him having a son, uh, I had to do things with him so that he can carry it on and do things with his son. I had to tell him certain things in life so that, uh, if it was, if it was beneficial to him, that he would pass it on to his. And so that's what we have to do, man, especially as men we have to lead.
Speaker 1:We may not lead like a woman or be nurturing as a woman, or they come to us for everything, but we have to stand on our ten toes. And the first thing, in order to stand on your ten toes and be the leader and to be the man of your household. You have to. You have to literally start taking accountability for your own actions. Ain't no woman gonna follow a man that has no direction in life? Period, you can sit there and beat on your chest all you want to talk about. I'm the the man, I'm the man, but you're not qualified to her as a man because you're not doing things in a manly fashion. A woman will follow somebody that's going to stand firm on what they believe in and they won't mind following you. Oh man, I love it.
Speaker 2:I have a I do a podcast on Sunday nights. It's a live one. It's called why Love Waits podcast on Sunday nights. It's a live one. It's called why Love Waits and it came from the belief or the understanding. The statistic that says that in 2020, this is 2023, or even 2022 I believe that 50%, like 49.90%, of Black women over the age of 40 have never been married.
Speaker 1:And of that 50%.
Speaker 2:75% of them have children and have been single moms, and so we're trying to have this conversation and I'd love for you to come on someday that we're talking about. You know what is this dynamic? That?
Speaker 2:because in the 1960s it was less than 19%, you know, of women who you know they wanted to be, and now they're saying we don't need a man, there's no reason to have a man, men are saying well, we, you know, I have one guy that came in and you know, I guess his son said you know, I don't want to ever get married because I have to give her half, you know, going in with the belief that if I get married we're going to get divorced before he even can think about finding somebody. And I love what you said about accountability, because accountability is so, so vital, no-transcript, that you were madly in love with that. You can't wait to spend and wake up with her every single day, compared to the life that you were living before and how you were treating and the things that you may have changed in your mind, that changed who you are.
Speaker 1:I'm going gonna be honest with you, doc like we've been talking about man getting that word in you.
Speaker 1:Man. When that word started manifesting in you, you start thinking different. It ain't the outside appearance, it's the inside. We grow from the inside out, not the outside in. And so once I start valuing the word of God and being around and that's another thing with men too, as a whole not getting off the subject, but as a whole we have to be around other men. That's going iron sharpens iron and that's just point blank. So you have to be around people. That's influential to your life, that you're watching them like, wow, you know, I want not not necessarily had a life, but I can do better. I can live better than where I'm at. And so when you start seeing things like that, then you start talking to brothers. That's on another level than what you are and things of that nature. Man, it wants you to to reach out and do better, especially when you you have a woman that's striving for success and want things in life and you holding them back.
Speaker 1:And don't get me wrong, doc, when me and my wife first got married, she was holding a lot of things together, because people don't understand when you do things in your 20ss, and that's why I like to talk to young men too. When you do things in your 20s and you think that there's no consequences to what you're doing, you're wrong, brother, because there could be consequences that you do in your 20s that you still can be paying for in your 50s. Trust me, I believe that when I tell you that because I'm a living, I'm a living word to it, I know that, I know that for a fact and so to. So we try to talk to brothers so that you can avoid some of those pits, uh, pitfalls. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:In life, you don't really have to live like that. And so when? Because when you do get to a point where you got a woman that's, but that's beside you, 10 toes down, and that love you more than anything Now I ran the streets, I did this, I did that. Now I get to a place of wanting to settle down and have peace. Now I don't have anything to give her.
Speaker 2:You see, what I'm saying, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that has to be a strong point on both sides of the fence. So, as you was alluding to earlier, what you say, the women, so many percentage of the women say that they don't need a man today, and a lot of them feel that way, and so that's why, when a lot of women feel that way, as you said too, that's why a lot of kids feel that way, that they don't need a daddy, because the mama feel is dope, they don't need a man. So, therefore, if they don't need a man, they don't need a man's presence. But what I fought, brothers, that is this doc, and I leave it alone here. Well, I fought brothers, that is this. We got me, and present in the house, but not present.
Speaker 1:Because one thing, women and I'm going to say this to the women one thing, women, that you go wrong at is when you take the man's voice out of the house, you take the discipline out of the house, because now that child don't feel as though he have to listen to you, and as men, we conform to that. You know what I'm saying. So now we're listening to the woman more than we want to. You know what I'm saying. Listening to ourselves, we're doing what they want us to do and more than what you know is right to do. Now, some things you, some things you got to compromise on, and some things, whether right or wrong, you just got to stand on.
Speaker 2:I'm not doing that. Yeah, yeah, oh, my gosh. This is thank you for sharing that, because you're so, so right, which brings me to talk about associations. Right? The people that you hang around with you know the five people that are closest to you, what they're doing and one of the things that I think we kind of do ourselves a disservice, and you and I kind of.
Speaker 2:You know we talked about before the show, but you know we think of, like the bar stuff that talks about the barbershop, right, I don't know if we ever get deep enough. You know, like, like, like some of the brothers right now know more about the stats of patrick mahone and what he's doing in the you know, I guess, the hearth, you know, earth that he'll get ready to play the super bowl here.
Speaker 2:Then they know about their own kids or what their kids are doing. And we go in there. We and we kind of you know, we talk about our trophies and we talk about the things. That so much into the past and we spend so much time in the past, how do we get to be in those relationships? Like you said, iron sharpens iron that has those relationships where we can talk about.
Speaker 2:You know what? I think I'm messing up in my relationship with my wife, or I think I'm not. You know I'm not doing a good job with my kids. Or here's a super hard one, right I? My money's not. Right, I don't know about money. I don't know what to do. We're going down fast and I don't. You know, I want to talk to somebody who can help me before we go down too far. But no, we sit there and we go. Oh, everything's good. You know you even sometimes folks that are even messing up with the money drive up in a new car because they're feeling so bad. Talk to me about associations and how you've been able to find those right folks that you can now have those conversations that matter, doc, I'm going to be honest with you.
Speaker 1:I think it's two-fold of that, because of and one, I would say this, and this is what I tell brothers all the time and people gonna come to you for certain things, like you may be that person that people look up to, and you know uh, and so they're gonna come to you for advice and come to you for certain things, but if you don't have nothing in you to give them, then what are you giving them? You know, uh, there's a, there's things where, uh I said I talked to you in a second where you either you can sow seeds uh discord, or you can source uh, so seas of encouragement. At the end of the day, which one are you doing? Are you sowing seeds to help somebody, to build somebody up, or are you sowing seeds to tell somebody that period, because if you don't have,