The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Journey to Freedom serves as an exclusive extension of the Living Boldly with Purpose podcast series—a platform that inspires powerful transformation and growth. Journey freedom is a podcast hosted by Brian E. Arnold. The Journey to Freedom is an our best life blueprint exclusively designed for black men where we create a foundational freedom plan. There are five pillars: Identity, Trust, Finances, Health and Faith.
The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Purposeful Paths: Exploring the Heart of Meaningful Existence & Evderyday Life
Every person's life is earned through the stories they've lived, shaping the very essence of their purpose. In this episode, we dive deep into what it means to live purposefully, how one’s daily actions and career can glorify God, and the crucial role relationships play in defining our path. Join us as we chat with Pastor Marcus, who shares his journey from North Carolina to the military and ultimately into ministry, providing invaluable insights on the significance of serving others.
Get ready to be inspired as we discuss the impact of community and service on mental health and personal growth. Discover how by nurturing positive relationships, we create an environment that fosters understanding and support while guiding one another towards our shared destiny. Through impactful stories and practical advice, we challenge you to reflect upon your life, assess if you are on the right path, and embrace the ongoing journey towards a purposeful existence.
Don’t forget to join this engaging conversation and subscribe for more insightful discussions designed to inspire and empower your daily life!
I want to bring the thought process of Christ into. Whether I'm a singer, whether I'm a dancer, whether I'm an artist, whether I'm a lawyer, whether I am a football player, basketball, can I do this and also glorify the name of God? If I can, then it is purposeful.
Speaker 2:Okay, welcome to another episode of the Journey to Freedom podcast, and I am Dr B, I'm your host, and as we continue to do these and as we continue to move forward, we just have some amazing, amazing individuals that I get to interview and I continue to tell everybody I'm the luckiest person who does these podcasts because I get to hear stories and how people are doing things and what they're making a difference in, and so today I'm going to have Pastor Marcus on.
Speaker 2:He's in Florida, so he's on the East Coast. I'm going to find out here in a second, when I ask him to tell his story, if he's always been in Florida, but it's so fun to know. So, Pastor Marcus, you probably don't know this, but last year I interviewed. My goal was to interview 100 black men and I interviewed 105. And you can imagine some of the stories that we have, and this year we're already. You're probably at number 20 for this year so far. So we're just we're pumping them out, but not only pumping them out. We're making a difference, I think, in people's lives. I just got back from day before yesterday I got back from.
Speaker 2:Alabama. So I took a group of the men that we've been talking to to do a civil rights tour. We jumped into Alabama, started in Birmingham. Now you're closer to Alabama. I'm in Denver, colorado.
Speaker 2:So before last year I had no business in the South. I didn't know how to spell South other than Florida. I went to Florida a few times, but when I think of the deep South, we're in Montgomery. A few days ago that was as deep as you can get into. The South is what I think.
Speaker 2:And so, starting out in Birmingham, I went to the 16th Baptist Street Church. We had a tour guide that took you to a show at War's House and all the bombings and we got to listen to a lady named Janice Kelsey who talked to us about she was one of the children who marched and got arrested when she was in high school and she had a cousin that was part of the bombing, and so then we ended up going on that tour and then we went to the next day. We went over to Selma and we went over the Pettus Bridge and went to the Amy Churches on Brown Street and kind of walked a little bit of that and then we ended up in Montgomery. We ended up in Montgomery and went to the Bryan Stevenson Museum there.
Speaker 1:And man when.
Speaker 2:I went through it myself. There was a whole lot of stuff that I felt, but when you take a group of men and then you watch them go through it, it even becomes more intense. You know the whole goal to come back and do things in the community, like you yourself are doing, and see how much a difference that we can make and being able to stand on the shoulders of the giants who came before us and I know we say that a lot, but then one of the things I was thinking is how are we preparing our shoulders so that the youth can now stand on our shoulders? And so I'm loving the things that you're doing. I've been in the mortgage world for a while and do a lot of down payment assistance, and I was in homeless services before that and doing all the health and stuff, and so I can't wait to hear all the wonderful things that you're doing out there in Florida.
Speaker 2:But what I want to start with is just your story. What I'm finding is and there's some themes that have come out in all of our men that we have done One of the themes and this doesn't have to be your theme, but it was when I thought about it.
Speaker 2:I didn't think it was my theme and then I realized that it was, and so that was one of the folks saying well, I wanted to see event that was 500 people in a room, only 30 peaks of color. How do I know there was only 30 people of color there, Because I counted them.
Speaker 2:And that's when I realized, yeah, I guess I'm less like everybody else. We kind of just see you know who else is in the room, who else is doing something that we're doing, and so just excited about your story. People are enjoying them, for whatever that is, to find out what happened in your life. So thank you for being on, thank you for taking the time spending with me today, and I can't wait to chop it up with you.
Speaker 1:So go ahead and start us out with who you are. Well thanks, dr Bryan. I appreciate you having me on and I appreciate meeting you To tell you a little bit about my story. Who started in North Carolina. That's where I grew up.
Speaker 1:Usually, a lot of times, even when I was growing up, people would tell me or they would ask me are you from here? And I would say yes, and I'd be confused and they say you sound like you're from New York and I'm I'm like now that I'm not, I haven't lived there for a while people say, oh, I can hear North Carolina in your voice, you know, especially when you're, you know you're tired or whatever, I guess the accent is more prominent. But growing up in North Carolina was a challenge for us because we weren't, you know, wealthy middle class, upper middle class, by no means, you know. So it was a lot of the tough streets kind of things and my mother was a pretty strict mother, so I didn't get caught up in that and that's eventually how I ended up in the military and so I joined the army when I was 17. But I signed the paperwork when I was 17.
Speaker 1:But I actually went in at the age of 18, right after high school, I think I was out of high school, maybe about six weeks, and then boom in basic training, in the job training specific, which for me was surgical technology. I love surgery and the things that it does, so I was there and then so I'm in school and then they're telling you your duty station. Now everybody's heard of California, people heard of new york, you know about, uh, different places that people are saying, and so the lady who's telling us she said well, I'm going to save you for last. And I'm like uh-oh, where she said to be behind alaska or something I don't know. So, yeah, you like.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, you already telling me this?
Speaker 1:Why are you telling me this? So I got direct orders to go to Berlin Germany Really Stress, germany, wow. And then when I get there, people are like, how did you get direct orders? Because a lot of people go to a specific place and then they go to their duty station. And I got direct orders to go to Berlin.
Speaker 1:Come to find out, the wall came down about nine months after I was stationed there. You can't get history like that back. You can't relive, recreate history like that. So that is one of the most beautiful things, which it taught me something, because actually I was on a date that day and we were driving around and so we saw a lot of people and me I'm thinking Berlin's a big city, there's always people on the road. And she said, no, this seems like an extra amount of people here. And I said, okay, so we're driving around, we turn the corner and we see the Berlin wall.
Speaker 1:I've never seen so many people on the wall ever. First of all, and then second, that's the first time I've heard that many different languages spoken in one place. When we got out, we parked and got out, walked up to the wall, there was people from every corner of the world. It seemed French, german, english, turkish, everything you can name speaking and I guess that's kind of a mantra of my life.
Speaker 1:That's why I love different people is because it told me something about our common goals and our common ideas. We are all human beings on the same planet trying to deal with the same things, and so, to end my story, after that I got out and I, after I got out of the military, came back and ended up in Florida where I went to college. Actually, I ended up going to college twice since I've been here and I loved it, but some missteps have brought me to where I am and God has called me in a ministry a while ago. So some missteps have taught me some things and that's why I'm on this journey with my e-commerce business and trying to do some more things to help other people.
Speaker 2:So did you go into the ministry right after you left your military assignment, or did you?
Speaker 1:No, people. People told me, even since I was a kid, that you're supposed to be a pastor and you know I was one of those. You probably heard some of the stories of people who running and don't listen and I'm like why you get that stuff away from me? I don't know what you're talking about and that's crazy. And what is that?
Speaker 1:Even though I grew up in a church, going to church, I just really didn't understand it and didn't pay attention to it until I was truly called by God. And that's what I tell anybody, because people ask me you know, over time, when you're talking to people and I say it's not something you want to do or consider unless you're absolutely positively sure you've got communication from God. So at that point in time when it was clear, that's when I decided to start looking into and considering, okay, what is this and how am I about to go about it? So after that I was in a church for a long time and getting counseled and getting wisdom, and started to do more in ministry time and getting counseled and getting wisdom and uh started to do more in ministry.
Speaker 2:That's cool. So, and just kind of following up on some of it, were you doing a lot of community service uh type activities after you got out of the service and you did you go straight, I guess, break to florida, or will you go back to north carolina?
Speaker 1:or kind of give me. I went to north carolina, lived in charlotte for a couple years and then that's when I decided I wanted to go to school because I wanted to be in entertainment. I did some rapping in the military and some singing and and so I was like, ok, this is what I want to do in this. What I want to do since I was a child is be in entertainment. So when I got there, I ended up going to Illinois to live with one of my family members Thought OK, now I want to go to school.
Speaker 1:So I found a school here in Florida, in central Florida, that did entertainment, moved down here. That's how I ended up in Florida to go to entertainment school, ended up getting a film degree, which is my first degree, and did some a lot of local work on on tv, a lot of local film work and some commercial work. Uh, still do some of that now. Um, but that's pretty much how I ended up. Down in florida is looking to go to film school and, or, more so, to go to do music videos and do audio engineering. I ended up going to film school because somehow that became available and I'm so happy I did because I already knew a lot about audio and audio engineering and stuff like that from practicing and stuff at that time. But now film artistry, the arts, is something I have been passionate about oh, that's so cool.
Speaker 2:So, nathan, definitely things you can do and utilize, as you now moved into pastoring in the ministry and that kind of stuff. That's awesome. When I think of Germany I went to Berlin in 1985, I think, and I was an athlete I can remember the wall being there and literally going from West, literally going from, you know, west germany, which was, you know, just really cool people, and then you pass by the wall and there's like machine guns, and that was my first experience of walking around where people were armed, you know, holding stuff as if you better not do nothing you're not supposed to do because we will make sure that you don't Nothing you're not supposed to do because we will make sure that you don't. And then, just a few years later, that wall comes down and so you said you were part of that.
Speaker 2:What, like, after that happened, you're still in the military. Did you have responsibilities? Or was there things that changed in the way you saw people as a result of it? I mean, did the folks that were now all of a sudden on the other side of into the East Germany side, did they change their thought process all of a sudden? And, you know, were they as happy as the West Germans were? What was that like?
Speaker 1:Well, I got to hear some stories and even talk to some of the people that were on the other side. They, as any country, everybody, doesn't have the philosophy of the government, whether it's a king, a president, a prime minister. Everybody in the country doesn't have that philosophy or mindset, and that's normal. So you get to talk to people and understand and explore with a thought process. One of the things that I learned that you know you grow up in inner city or a small town, wherever you live, and you don't hear a totally different mindset. One of the things that happened when the wall went up is one of the ladies was telling she was an American, she married a German man, but she was telling about her, his parents, and so he goes to school, he gets out of school, he's coming home. The wall, the war is starting to set up the wall, so he can't go home. So from the day I went to school this morning to now I'm going home. Now I'm an orphan Because the wall is there. I cannot cross there no, who do?
Speaker 1:I talk to when do I go? Do I go back to school? Do I go home? Do I stand here and wait for my mom, depending on your age? And so that mindset really triggered me. That's why I have that as a clear memory. Is her telling me that? Because she was telling me that in the convenience store and I'm thinking, wow, that's not even on my radar of something.
Speaker 1:To think so that has held in my heart and tried, I think, is why in ministry, I'm passionate about people at a ground level, not just the overall arcing flashy part of it.
Speaker 1:I mean everybody, especially if you're entertainment, you like the arts, you're entertained by the flashy part of it. I mean everybody, especially if you're entertainment, you like the arts, you're entertained by the flashy part of anything, if that's who you are, if you like the arts or film or whatever, and I like all that. But that's my passion for the individual person, are you okay? So when I was in the military, I get still in the military after hearing these stories and the desert storm happens and we're guarding, like you said, you see some guns and obviously if you're in the military, you are on the offense whenever necessary. But that is part of the whole atmosphere of seeing, ok, where you grew up is not all there is. There's much more to life, there's much more to people and that's what that kind of shaped being in the military during the war, being in the military when the wall came down and arriving there before the wall came down.
Speaker 2:Well, you brought up. You know just this thing that I'm considering identity, like where you came up or how that identity was formed for you. Maybe give me some key points in how you became the man you are today and how your identity may have been one thing, but it is shaped over years into something different.
Speaker 1:So key points is realizing that the mindset I had, or the mindset that I was given by culture, isn't most definitive to everything. Where I am, where I grew up, doesn't necessarily travel to everywhere. Went to Berlin and you see the guns, one of the things that people may think. Okay, I grew up maybe in a particular place where there weren't guns. Or maybe, if I grew up in a rough neighborhood, people are shooting. You think call the police.
Speaker 1:What do you do when you're in a country Now, that's your mindset. You're like I can solve this. I know how to run to grandma's house. I know how to run to Uncle Woody's house down the street around the block. But what do you do when you're in a mindset where those people don't speak the same language as you, so you can't ask them to stop or change or and they don't answer to anybody you've ever seen or conceived of. What do you do?
Speaker 1:So when you say, what has shaped my mentality, seeing those things, I sit back and think. And that's one of the good things I've had the opportunity to do in my life with mentors, with listening to other people, teachers is sit back and think what does this actually mean? What is this actually the definition of what I'm experiencing? Not just that I'm here on the planet earth to do this, this and this. What am I actually experiencing that I can contribute to my life and to the people around me? Because if I want to grow, if I want to be beneficial to people around me, I need to actually understand what I'm experiencing in this moment, not just for me or to give or provide wisdom to other people.
Speaker 1:And so those things shape my mindset. Because I got to see and hear through ministry, other people's lives, some pretty powerful stories. So I can tell you stories forever, but you know you don't want to betray confidences. But I got to hear some pretty wild stuff that has happened to people and see some stuff that is pretty powerful. So I had a lot to shape my mindset as far as that. But, as I tell everybody, whatever you do, whatever you see, filter it through Christ.
Speaker 2:Oh, I love that, I love that. And that's that part of that identity. When we think about purpose, I'll probably jump around a little bit, because you're bringing stuff up that makes sense to me. Becoming the person that God put you on this earth to do is what I love to help people try to do.
Speaker 2:And it sounds like, as you grew through finding your purpose and finding exactly what God had you to do, a lot of different things changed. Maybe kind of help me understand purpose from your perspective, of what it means to be living in purpose and how do you find that?
Speaker 1:How do you find purpose? Well, a lot of people say your passion. Your passion is something you enjoy doing or something that turns you on. Now what we have to do is define those two things what I enjoy doing and what turns me on. What turns me on may not be sustainable. What I enjoy doing, I may be able to do forever, but what turns me on may be fleeting.
Speaker 1:Now, a lot of times, people try to turn what turns them on into their purpose. Is it pure, is it righteous, is it understandable for every aspect of your life? And will it end? What keeps you going is okay. Like I said before when I filtered to this through Christ I, will it be sustainable? Will it be okay? Is it okay for every aspect of my life?
Speaker 1:When it's not okay for every aspect of your life, it is not purposeful, it is actually empty. It's just something that turns you on for the moment. You want something that turns you on when you're 15, 25, 45, 85. That way, no matter how you change because you'll see a lot of artists, and I'll just use James Brown when he was younger, he's dancing, he's singing. When he gets 60, can he dance and sing like he was when he was 20? Probably not. And most of us so I'm not just picking on him most of us we can't do what we did when we were much younger. So we're looking at what. We're looking at somebody who has to be able to change, because his purpose is still the same Provide for his family and those he loves. And that means maybe, if I remember right, he owns some radio stations. That means he's diversifying what he has so he's able to go into every area of his life. And then he can still get on stage and do what he can do at age 60 in order to bring in money from being a performer and being a brand. That is purposeful.
Speaker 1:So how do you define that for yourself? You say, well, what about me? Can go to every area of my life ad infinitum, meaning on into the future, continually. So when I'm 100 years old, is this still sustainable? And so, over and above that is Is there anything above my mindset?
Speaker 1:Now, if that is Christ, then that's what I want to bring into what I'm doing. I want to bring the thought process of Christ into, whether I'm a singer, whether I'm a dancer, whether I'm an artist, whether I'm a lawyer, whether I am a football player, basketball. Can I do this and also glorify the name of God? If I can, then it is purposeful and it is okay because I can do that in every area of my life, without stain, without blemish, without fault. And I'm not saying at the same level of being Christ, I'm saying I can rest my head at night because I'm not blamed, because, okay, I know I cheated, I know I gambled and we're not supposed to as a basketball player. I know I cheated, I know I gambled and we're not supposed to as a basketball player, as a professional basketball player, but I did it. I can't rest at night because I didn't do it based on my purpose. My purpose is to be an ambassador for Christ and that's my first overarching. So everywhere I go, I take the name, I take the brand of Christ.
Speaker 1:We mess it up. We do, but when people see that you have much more of that about you, they'll be willing to forgive a few mistakes. You're saying what turns me on? Playing basketball, looking flashy, gambling, being at all the clubs that turns me on way more than being an ambassador for Christ. Then that may not. That may not be sustainable. It may feel good for 20 years. It may not be sustainable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you bring up a really good point. When we think about living in purpose, sometimes we think, like God said, this is what I want you to do and you do it your whole life. And I don't necessarily know that that is a reality you might think of. Like Peter, right, he was a fisherman, that was his purpose in life until Jesus said follow me. Then his whole focus and everything else and his purpose changed, changed, and I think sometimes we get so caught up in trying to, you know, do the thing that we love and say we're going to do it for our whole life, that we're not open maybe to seeing that God might have another direction for us or he might have another place that he wants us to fill in based on all the information we learned in the other experience that we were in. I don't think he just makes us start brand new without you know, know, maybe he does in some, in some instances, but most of it is you've learned and grown and became somebody.
Speaker 1:And now you can use those skill sets somewhere else. Correct, Correct, and that's what I'm saying about James Brown. Is he own radio stations? What is the brand? Is Christ?
Speaker 1:And if you, as an ambassador, what other things can you do besides? Like I said, I do film, I do commercial writing and I also write books and a lot of different things. What other things do you have gifts at? Sometimes the gift is one thing write songs. That's okay, that is your purpose.
Speaker 1:But how can you expand that to other people? Like, when I was young, I wrote songs Well, I should say wrote lyrics, more so than crafting an entire song. But now I do songs. But when I was younger I said to myself because you know, there were more popular artists and producers and I said well, have I ever considered can I write a song for a woman? That's branching out? It doesn't have to be a big branch, like you know. Now I'm going to go and do something else that is totally outside the box. Yeah, just something different. I'm writing love songs from a male perspective because I'm a man. Okay, can I do that from a female perspective?
Speaker 1:I'm not saying that whatever you try is always going to work out and is always going to be the greatest, because that's unrealistic, but it helps you be a better writer. It helps you be a better Talent for what you're trying to do. Because even when you see, OK, I tried that, I tried to write a perspective or a love song or a jingle for a commercial, I tried it, but really my niche is writing love songs from a male perspective. But when you try something else, it teaches you a little bit more about what you're doing. Sometimes the other thing will be successful.
Speaker 1:So when you say the purpose may shift, it may be a small shift or sometimes it will be a big shift and you'll go from being a real estate agent to be an actor and you're like how did? How did this? This didn't make sense, this wasn't what I was trying to do. But, like you said, Peter did yeah. And like Jesus said to the disciples, the ones that were fishermen, I will make you fishers of men, Because you what he's saying is you already have the talent of looking. Because what he's saying is you already have the talent of looking. Now I'm going to use that talent of looking for my purpose, which is what we should all be doing anyways.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, yes, it's so neat to kind of hear you say it, because one of the themes that's another one of our themes has been that when people are living in what they believe is their purpose, there's not one person I know that isn't trying to serve another. And I don't know if you can live in purpose without finding ways to serve others. And you brought that about with your example saying, yeah, I have to figure out a way how God will allow me, in whatever I'm doing, to serve others and then my life can be fulfilled. Whatever, whatever that is this journey that we're on. Can you pinpoint some times in your life where you were able to serve and just like, hey, I know I'm in the zone, I know I'm doing what God has asked me to do and it's working all out because I was willing to go out and serve another man, and what did that kind of look like?
Speaker 1:Well, I can give you several examples of the same thing, so to speak, because my personality isn't sharing. I'll be honest with you and your listeners and I wonder what the what people will say when I say this, because people will be like, really, that's, that's not you, especially people who have known me for some time and experienced me sharing. I'm not really a sharer, and I don't mean sharing my story, I mean sharing my money or giving. That's not really me.
Speaker 2:And sharing, like with the other kids in the playground. They're like no go away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not, that's not really me. And when I tell people that, then I tell them the names of people who I've helped. And I'm not saying that from a braggadocious, I'm saying that from an aspect of people sometimes are surprised they're like well, that's contradictory. And yeah, it is contradictory because Christ has changed my heart to make me a person who shares and because I realized money isn't mine anyways my gifts and talents.
Speaker 1:As the Bible says, says he gives you the power to get wealth. The power to get wealth is not yours. The wealth is not yours, like it says, to establish his kingdom. So we're establishing his kingdom with our wealth. That means we have to give it away. So we're helping people.
Speaker 1:We're intended to help people. We're intended to look for people to be helped. That is part of the work. To look for people to be helped, that is part of the work. And so when you're fishing for men and women who are needing the help, you have to share them. Like the Bible says in the book of James, what good is it to say to somebody go and be warm and keep well fed and you don't do anything for those physical needs. You have $20, go and feed somebody, go and help somebody. It doesn't take 100,000 or 2 million or whatever number people want to come up with, just a little bit of help on the side of road. I'm thinking of a couple of homeless people that I help, one of the things I always do. If I see the same homeless person, what?
Speaker 2:is your name.
Speaker 1:And the next time I see them I address them by name. Hey, so and so how are you doing? And I speak to them and talk to them as long as they want to, if I have the time. You know, sometimes you don't have the time, but I speak and talk to them and try to encourage them of a way to go for help. Some people don't want help, or they just want you to give them the money so that they can go get something to eat or do something else. You know, as life is, but you want to show them that they're a valued human being. Yeah, that is.
Speaker 2:I love that that you're doing that. When you think about trust and being able to trust people, you know one of the things that the reason that I started the journey of freedom, because I went to this, this trust seminar, and it was some really good information about how do we lead with trust and trust is everything because we don't interact with people unless we actually trust them and realizing in our culture, it's hard to trust because if we don't, trust ourselves that we have trouble with that.
Speaker 2:sometimes we have trouble trusting people who look like us. We have trouble trusting people who don't look like us. We just have trust issues. What are some things that you have done in order to be able? Because it sounds like if you're not sharing, that's probably part of not trusting a lot too. I mean, maybe they're totally different, but what allows you to trust somebody? What do you have to do in order to reciprocate that, so that you can now go achieve a common goal like housing or feeding homeless or things like that where you have to trust?
Speaker 1:Well, like what you started your podcast with, listen to them. Sometimes we want to have a conversation. We want to have us as Christians, us as people who are in business, us as people who are trying to grow a platform. We just want to start telling you everything we got. This is what I got going on, this is what I want to do. This is how I did this. Just listen, like a person that I was trying to get a deal together with that. Hopefully, it comes together very nicely. I was surprised that person was trying to sell me. At first, I was going to stop them from trying to sell me and I said, no, I'm just going to listen. I don't know if this person has something great for me and I can learn something. I might even learn something about sales. So, just listen, have the conversation they want to have. Why are we trying to force our conversation, our conversation? We already trust us, or we should, and if you know you're untrustworthy, please get help. The phone number for trust is listen to the other person that you're interacting with, what's going on with them, and once they show you that they're comfortable, then you can start to work with that. As, hey, did you know this.
Speaker 1:Or here's a book I read or not that you say that Show your common humanity. Here's some music you might like to listen to. I'll give you a list of some artists that I think that you really enjoy. Or, like I told one person who was always sad and having issues and things of that nature, I said to them what makes you happy? I said one of the things that I do if a sad moment comes about or I experience something sad or whatever it is, I just find some good, clean comedy. Let's just listen to stand-up comedy. There's plenty of it on YouTube. Just listen to some comedy, change your mood, change your mindset. Listen to a movie or whatever. It doesn't always have to be something big and grand, and so that's the advice I gave that person. That's what I'm saying. If you're listening to them, you can offer them something that may be beneficial to you both, so that they come back to you, hopefully one day, and you all can do whatever you were trying to do together, whether it's a business deal or make a project or whatever.
Speaker 2:Are you the type of person who trusts somebody until they prove themselves untrustworthy, or you're the person who says I ain't trusting anything you say until you develop that, until you prove to me I can trust you. That's an interesting question.
Speaker 1:I am more the person. I give you basic respect and trust based on your credentials. If you say I'm Dr So-and-so, you say I have done this or whatever. That's why I also enjoy listening to people, because once you tell me who you are, that's how I proceed. If I don't know, then that's what I'm trying to inquire. And if I have to interact with you for whatever reason, that's what I'm trying to inquire. If I have to interact with you for whatever reason, that's what I'm trying to inquire. Show me that you are who you say you are and I give you the basic retrust.
Speaker 1:Once you do that and I'm going to give you a system that I would recommend to different people start everybody off at 10. Everybody that you meet, start them off at 10. Let them tick down to eight, five, three or whatever. Let them decide that Now, true enough, that person can make a big, huge mistake right away and they go from 10 to one immediately. That's life. But don't just tell people okay, I started you off at 10 and you're nine. I wouldn't tell people. That's something for you internally.
Speaker 1:If you start them off at 10, if you've been around them long enough, you'll know that their people are going to disappoint you. It's unfortunate. Everybody's going to disappoint you. If you are around people quite often and they never disappoint you, that's the first disappointment, because they're pretending around you. They're not being true and genuine around you.
Speaker 1:So give everybody initial trust. Give everybody the benefit of the doubt. Everybody's not good, everybody's not going to treat you well, but as long as you're before me, I'm going to treat you is. Thank you, I appreciate you. I know how to deal with you. Going forward. You're untrustworthy. I'm going to be kind and cordial because I'm a Christian and we all should do that. I'm kind and cordial. I'll introduce you to the things that I think you should be introduced to in life. But until you show me that you should go back up on a scale and because who you are at 15, you're not at 25, you're not at 45, you're not at 55. Until you show me that you have grown, then yeah, you have broken the trust and that's unfortunately an issue which sometimes means I may not speak to you again for whatever reason, especially if it's a really big and strong issue, because you know, life is life and people do things that they really shouldn't, as we all have.
Speaker 2:Well, and there's levels of trust too. I mean, there's the introductory level of trust where we're trying to get to know each other and that kind of stuff. And you're that person, I'm not giving you my grandchild to take to the park. And you're that person, I'm not giving you my grandchild to go take to the park. You know that, even though you're in the tent and you haven't done anything wrong.
Speaker 2:You just haven't met that 18 or 19 that we need in order for you to uh, you know, in order for you to be taking my family somewhere, and but that comes with. What I hear you saying is, trust comes with relationship and the relationship is the most important part of the trust, like you know, you don't trust me.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe because I don't have a relationship with you, you know, and that might be, I think that's a big, huge part of it that we tend to forget is, in order to have a relationship with somebody and you mentioned this you got to listen, right. We got two ears and one mouth right, and so we have to listen and then kind of make that deciphering choices based on what the people are telling us, based on what we get to see, based on and the same thing with us.
Speaker 2:We have to show people why we're trustworthy. Why would you want to trust me Just because I showed up? No, because I'm willing to have that relationship with you. I'm willing to spend that time where we get to walk together and talk together and come to understand, maybe break bread together, but relationship seems to be everything. Have there been some relationships that you can say, you know we can talk about associations and the people that we are around.
Speaker 2:You know those top five people tend to be, you know who we are, you know based on probably within $20,000 of income. But then you know the same things we like, the same things we don't like are those associations we have, and finding good ones, especially for Black men, I think aren't as easy as we do because we try to keep everything at the surface. You know, hey, let's go talk about Patrick Mahomes because there's no threat there, but let's talk about our relationships with our wives. Let's talk about what it means to be a dad. That's a little bit more deep. I don't know if we get to have that conversation. So talk to me about relationships and associations a little bit.
Speaker 1:Well, one of the stats I heard is that and I don't know if it's different for heard is that and I don't know if it's different for different ethnic groups Black, white, indian or Asian that I heard that you're within $3,000 income of your closest friends and I don't know if that's closest associates or closest friends. That's what I heard. It may differentiate as you get to a specific demographic and it may differentiate as you get to a specific demographic and it may differentiate as you get to a specific age. So the relationship that I would say to have is, first and foremost, define who you are, because if you don't define who you are, your relationships can go really bad really quickly. Because you're looking to have associations and relationships. Every good looking association is not necessarily good. And then, once you define who you are, you know OK, this business deal, this movie deal, this real estate deal, that's all it is. I'm not looking for her to be my wife or, if I already got a wife, I'm not looking for her to hang out with, to be a friend. She's a good business person in real estate and that's it. That's what I'm defining and that's it, because if you don't know who you are, then you can get sidetracked by all of these. I want to be closer, I want to be in this person's world. I think that this is great for me Now being in that person's world, and that's if you're trying to be in real estate and you're looking for a mentor, then define that and then tell that person if they're a person of the opposite sex or if they're a much older person with a lot of wisdom, whatever, say hey, I see you're doing great in real estate.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to get in that market. Can you point me in the right direction? I'm trying to learn some stuff. Is it possible that we can sit and break bread and you can give me a whole lot of wisdom at some point in time? I'd love to go to lunch some point in time. I'd love to go to lunch and, if I can bring my wife or bring two friends who are trying to work with me, let them know where you are in trying to build this relationship, because otherwise and that person also may have a different idea until you say that, if you're not being clear.
Speaker 1:So it is important when you're building relationships to understand who am I in this relationship and I don't want to get sidetracked Now several options are on the table. Several options are on the table but because they might be a good mentor and you may not be in real estate but eventually, as you talk to that person, you're like, well, I think I might want to try to do real estate because I like what this person talked to me and the principles that they're coming across. So it is different for different people, but I would say that's part of the importance is define for yourself who you are and define for yourself Once you come across that person. Who do I want this person to be to me? Because it may change it, most likely will.
Speaker 2:I mean, you know, it's just, you know, we evolve and sometimes, as we get better.
Speaker 2:So if we're working, on ourselves, which I think is super important, so that we can become better people that god would have us be out there helping other folks. We, we grow, and sometimes our friends or the people who are our closest associations don't. They're not well and are at different bases or in different directions, different branches or whatever. And so it's important to realize that, even though you have the associations of the somebody you had when you were in your 20s or when you were in high school, that doesn't mean they need to be your closest friend when you're 50. Correct.
Speaker 2:And you have to be willing to say, hey, yeah, it's okay, we're going to grow apart. I'm growing in this direction, you're growing in that direction, or I'm growing, you're not. You're trying to bring me down, right, because that happens a lot, too, is as I go. You know, hey, god told me I need to do this and this, that's what I'm doing. And they're saying, well, he didn't tell me that, and they're staying here. Now they're doing all this thing to pull you down and pull you back from you achieving or you doing the thing that you know.
Speaker 2:You were put on the search to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, if I can speak on that, that's sometimes part of a cultural mentality that we have to break. You define you and I'll define me. Now, if those journeys link up, match up and work together, that's outstanding and amazing. That's why I'm going to give you basic trust. You're a human being. I knew you since fifth grade. We're now 25, 40. That's great. Now I want you to do you.
Speaker 1:If what you're doing is offensive to what I'm doing, then we may have to go totally in separate situations, totally in separate directions, up to and including me, turning you in to whoever you need to be turned into. If we work at the same job and you need to be gone, or if I became your supervisor or you became my supervisor and you're doing something that's off-putting or wrong or contrary to company policy, hey, it's not about that. It's about how can I maintain me. First, if I'm going to love my neighbor as I love myself, I need to love me. And if you're my supervisor, we've known each other since the fifth grade. Now we're 45 years old, whatever age, we're working together and you needed money.
Speaker 1:So you started breaking company policy and somehow I found out I'm not letting you take me down with you Because when they start asking questions, my name might come up. And now I got to feed my family, feed the people I'm trying to take care of, and you just broke my family and your family. That's not cool. That's not cool at all. So I need to let you go and say, okay, we can't, we're not boys, no more. We're not cool anymore Because you need to go ahead and do you. We're not cool anymore because you need to go ahead and do you and I'm gonna do me.
Speaker 1:Now, I'm not, I'm gonna warn you, maybe, and I'm saying I'm not necessarily saying the boss, uh, uh. And employee relationship, I'm saying any relationship, uh, when you're trying to build trust and maintain relationships and grow, I'm gonna let you do you as long as what you're doing is okay, meaning you know you're not doing something crazy. I need to turn you into law, but I'm the, I'm moving on. I'm not letting you pull me back or say, oh, we're supposed to be here, we're supposed to stay here. We're not supposed to grow in what you're doing going across the world and you traveling all over different places, or whatever people like to say, to try to hold people back that's your issue. That's not my issue. I think of my life differently than you think of your life.
Speaker 2:When we can break bread, let's break bread.
Speaker 1:If you don't want to hear my journey around the world, that's fine. We can talk about high school memories and football or basketball or whatever we did there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm not letting you stop me from being me and growing and doing what I need to do.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing that too, because I think it's such an important concept.
Speaker 2:We think that there's this loyalty that just because we were friends at this point or just because we hung out at this point, we have to do this over and over again. And sometimes I get together with my you know whether high school buddies or college buddies, or you know people that I had and all they want to talk about is what happened in 1983 or what happened in 1990. And I'm like, yeah, I got a few of those things, but every time we talk to each other then we have to talk about. Well, that's okay if we talk to each other every five years, but if we're talking to each other every week and we're still talking about because they kind of live in this path of this was the good old times and I'm like I'm living my good old times right now. Right, I'm living my best, best life, trying to make it even better and do some more people and you want to come on board to that I would love to have you, but I don't want to spend two or three hours like for me.
Speaker 2:I don't get you myself. We're just going to go out to the bar. We're going to do play. You know, like I, I have no business in a bar. Well, how is that going to help me, enhance me? I don't want to play pool right now. There's something that I really want to do that's going to inspire and help people and grow people. Then we're going to go to the bar and talk about everything that we used to do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I had a friend and we're still good friends. I appreciate him because I pushed him to be more honest with me and now we're more honest with each other. But this we've been friends Wow, probably has it been 25 years now. But and that's one of the things when we first started hanging out, we would go to lunch at a bar because we met each other at the job I used to have at a bar, because we met each other at the job I used to have. And sometimes we would hang out afterwards and he would say we would sit at the bar because I don't drink really and I haven't had a drink in so long. I should say I don't drink, but we would go to the bar and he would order a drink and he'd say my friend here will have a glass of milk. And I was like that's fine with me, I don't have a problem with that, I'm not offended by that or whatever. I know you're making a joke, but I'm not offended by that because I'm not drinking, because I am going to do me.
Speaker 1:Just because I'm in a bar doesn't mean I have to conform to everything everybody else is doing. That's what you all want to do, and I want to hang with my friend. He wants to drink. As long as he's not getting drunk to the point where I have to take care of him. We could have a beer smooth yourself out after a hard week. There's nothing wrong with that. The Bible does talk about people drinking, and it does talk about people going too far. So I'm not. I'm not telling you not to be you. I am going to be me, though, and that's what I'm saying about the relationship. Who am I in this relationship? We are going to talk, we are going to be friends. You're you're benefiting me as a friend and I'm benefiting you as a friend.
Speaker 2:Let's do it I really enjoyed that. Black men they say that the average age that we live to is 72.
Speaker 1:I want to live a lot longer than 72.
Speaker 2:And so I'm trying to do some healthy things in my life. To be able to do that, are there things that you do specifically health-wise and not just physical health, but mental health as well. What are some things that you do to? Make sure that you're around to be able to do the things you need to do.
Speaker 1:Well, exercise is one of the things I do. So what you get off track, get back on track. And I have a saying that I have in my t-shirt business, fast or slow, lace up and go. Because when I was younger and you know, in the military, we used to run and we had to run by a clock to make a certain time. And when I get on the track, when I got out, I'm like, oh, he's running way faster than me. She's running, look at her, she's lapping us all. I got to go faster. Nope, you got to do you. Get up and be healthy. Bottom line. Get up and do you. You got to move, you move. Don't worry about how fast you're going. If you're trying to win a marathon, then go faster to win a marathon. But your goal is to maintain health, be able to move and keep it moving. So get up and go fast and slow, lace up and go. That's the simple part of it. You got to exercise, you got to stretch, do it Just that simple.
Speaker 1:The mental health you need physical presence, relationships. The phone is great, that is awesome, Talk to people on the phone, facetime them, all of that. But you need physical presence, relationships and you need people in your life who will tell you you know what that's crazy. And that's one of the things I appreciate about one of my brothers. He'll say don't ever say that again, don't tell nobody else that. And the reason I'm telling him is because he's a writer like I am and sometimes you know your writing ideas go a little too far and you're like okay, but that's why I want you want somebody that you trust that much to say, hey, maybe you shouldn't write it that way, write it like this, or what do you think about this idea? So that's why the physical presence of relationships, because it builds trust, and you want people around that you trust that much. Because if you don't have anybody that you trust that much, because if you don't have anybody that you trust that much, and that's why I'm big on telling people to get a mentor, and that mentor doesn't have to be the pastor at your church, but they do need to be somebody who has a clean mindset and they're totally interested in your success. Not the success of your marriage, not the success of your kids, not the success of your career, your success which may mean your success in marriage, career, kids but your success. You want that person and sometimes that ends up being more than one person. But you want that person and that's the presence that we all need to have in order to maintain mental health. You want somebody who can give you clear direction in your presence. Now, sometimes, unfortunately, you may only get that person on the phone or video chat, and that's okay. But you want other physical presence, relationships.
Speaker 1:Go drive, if it takes 30 minutes to go see a friend. Drive 30 minutes to go see a friend. Go see a friend. Drive 30 minutes. Go see a friend Because we move on and life changes. But try to be able to be friendly so that you can build new friendships as you age, because one of the things that happens in the Black community and other communities is we start to isolate ourselves as we get older because we don't want to put up with.
Speaker 1:I understand you don't want to put up with this or that or interact with this or that, and that's what the church is for. The church is supposed to be community and if you're not looking at the church as community, if you're only looking at it as a place to deposit your tithes and offerings and say check that box that yes, I went to church and saw Jesus. You missed the point. It is the bedrock of community. That is what it is supposed to be. We're all supposed to be present there, and when I miss church I don't like it.
Speaker 1:I'm in a situation now where it's a little bit challenging and I just moved in. You know, I got to find a new church, don't like it, got to get back. So that's what I would tell anybody that that physical presence Be in a church and be involved, don't just go and check the box. So I think that's probably one of the easiest ways to maintain mental health. For those who need a little more help, then connect with a pastor, connect with some therapist or psychologist that can guide you and point you in the right way. And one of the things I always say is whoever your mentor is now, they may not grow with you. They may. You may be somebody who needs a different mentor or guidance at a different place in your life than you were 10, 20 years ago, and that's OK. Go find somebody else. Yeah, oh, my gosh, so it's years ago and that's okay.
Speaker 2:Go find somebody else. Yeah, oh, my gosh, it's so important and I love that you said physical relationships, because we spend so much time on these screens and going back and forth and, although you and I aren't having this conversation, if we're not using technology to do it, because you're not in Denver and I'm not in Florida, we don't visit those cities too much, so it allows us to do so many things, but it also takes away from those physical. It was telling somebody that you know, I guess in the podcast before, there is a physical chemical that we admit, you know, that comes out of us, that I think God built us for relationship and so you receive that, I receive that, and we can come together and understand each other because of this chemical. And we get so tired online because our body's emitting this chemical and there's nothing to receive it. It's just a screen, it's a piece of glass on the other end of it. Now you're there and I'm talking to you and we can have great conversation, but we can't have that necessary, um, intimate, you know conversation type where, where that chemical is working for us and we're bonding together.
Speaker 2:However, it is that we do Uh, and then we, we try to uh, uh. Our mental health gets skewed because we're spending all this time, especially when you start utilizing, scrolling and looking at people's best life Not their only life but they only put up there the stuff they want you to have, the stuff like you, as a movie maker, produce and put together so that we will feel good. And then we start thinking, well, that's his life every day, all day, 24-7. And you're like nobody gets to live like that every day. You know whether it's adventurous or whatever it is, but we start comparing and that can hurt our mental health as well. So, thank you, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate it, and we kind of wind down our time. Is there anything that you wanted to make sure that you shared with us? Things that you're doing, things that are going on, or just pure things that you wanted to add on that we didn't get to talk about?
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you, and I appreciate you giving me the opportunity to speak about a few things. I hope I was encouraging. But one of the things I'm working on is my next book. My book Challenging your Worldview in Search of a More Excellent Way has been out for a couple years and I appreciate people reading it and looking at the different reviews.
Speaker 1:If you go some platform, you'll see some people don't like it, but I think they've missed the word challenging. Some platforms, you'll see some people don't like it, but I think they missed the word challenging. And some people love it. Some people even somebody told me that they're rereading it again. A couple of people told me they read it a couple of times and that's the way it is intended. Like I say in the book, it is intended for you to read this book with other people because the book is a self-help book, but it's a community self-help book because I want you to bounce your ideas.
Speaker 1:Like I said, sometimes you go off the rails with your ideas, especially if you're thinking about doing something. Where is this really who I am and that's why the Bible says how can they hear without a preacher? Yes, you can just read the Bible, but God gave us the fivefold ministry for purpose. Physical presence, the spiritual interaction with another person cannot be replaced, even sitting and just reading the word of God. So, reading my book, which helps coach you through the word of God, I want you to talk to another person, so challenging your worldview in search of a more excellent way.
Speaker 1:That book is going to have a volume two and a volume three which are going to be coming out, hopefully end of this year, next year, and I'm also doing my music, marcus L Davis. You can find me my music on YouTube and we're doing my e-commerce store, marcus One Media marcusonemediacom. If you like a nice t-shirt, you like a nice hoodie, and we got plenty of other stuff on there to choose from. Got coffee cups, but the purpose of me selling that is to help build the affordable housing and to do that in ministry we donate 50 percent of the year in net profits. So every year we make a profit, we donate 50 percent of the proceeds. So if people would like to go there, we definitely appreciate it and it's great meeting you, dr Brian, and this is a pretty interesting conversation. You never know where a podcast is going to take you and this is good stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fun to learn people and to me, like he is with you, it's all about relationship, and so the more relationships that I can gather, like I said, I'm the luckiest person who gets to do these, because I get to start creating relationships, and lasting ones, with the folks that are across the screen with me. And so the book, again challenging your worldview. You want to make sure you pick that up, you go see it, and Marcus One, marcus Davis, is right is where they can, marcus One.
Speaker 2:Media Marcus One Media is where you can find Marcus.
Speaker 2:And for those of you who are saying, hey, this one was a good one for me. This one is one that I can go back and listen to and watch. I can vouch for everyone that we're doing. There's others that you will be enlightened, that you will enjoy watching. If you just hit the subscribe button, you'll be able to do that notification. But if there are ones that you've seen that you know could probably potentially help somebody else, please share them with them, Because our goal is that we get better all the time. You know, I believe that we're God's greatest gift and he loves you if you allow him to, but if you're not in a space where you can be around, where you get that spiritual, you know, intentional relationships with people.
Speaker 2:Make sure you do that. You're not going to get everything you need here online with us. I love that you're watching this, I love that you're paying attention to it, but go find some people that you can be in community with, that you can be in physical community with and then just continue to watch what we're doing. So you guys have an amazing, incredible day today. We'll look forward to talking to you on the next one and we will talk with you soon.