The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Journey to Freedom serves as an exclusive extension of the Living Boldly with Purpose podcast series—a platform that inspires powerful transformation and growth. Journey freedom is a podcast hosted by Brian E. Arnold. The Journey to Freedom is an our best life blueprint exclusively designed for black men where we create a foundational freedom plan. There are five pillars: Identity, Trust, Finances, Health and Faith.
The Journey to Freedom Podcast
From Coma to Purpose: One Man's Extraordinary Journey Through Pain to Redemption
What happens when a man survives a childhood coma, endures years of abuse, and still emerges with unshakable gratitude and purpose? James W. Officer III's remarkable journey unfolds through what he calls "five chapters" – from being a sickly baby given no chance of normal development, to becoming a purpose-driven man who wakes each day with profound appreciation for life itself.
The conversation takes unexpected turns as James reveals how African-American studies in college became the spark that illuminated his identity after years of darkness. "I went from being ashamed of slavery to thinking – oh my gosh, these people survived that, my people survived that," he shares, describing the transformative power of discovering his heritage. This revelation becomes the foundation for his philosophy that trust begins within: "The trust I have for me usurps any lack of trust for anyone else."
Perhaps most powerful is James's perspective on stress as the silent killer of Black men – "the PTSD of being a Black man in America kills more Black men than guns or drugs or alcohol combined." His solution? Daily practices of gratitude and mindfulness that have become his personal fountain of youth. The episode culminates with a moving analogy about "load-bearing walls" in life's architecture – a metaphor that brought a young man to tears when James shared it, and likely will resonate deeply with anyone carrying invisible burdens.
Whether you're wrestling with past trauma, searching for purpose, or simply need a reminder that gratitude transforms everything, this episode delivers raw truth alongside practical wisdom. Listen now and discover why James believes he'll die not from illness or accident, but simply "because I'm done" – when his purpose is fulfilled and his contribution complete.
I emerged from that coma and, yeah, there were some absolute issues. That I experienced is that I am 95% blind in my left eye, and so for most people that would look at me and say, oh, poor guy with the cock eye don't know that, it is a testimony that I was dead and I'm alive.
Speaker 2:All right, welcome to another edition of the Journey to Freedom podcast. I'm Dr Bion, your host, and, as always, I get excited because we get to talk to people who are making a difference, making things happen. We get to talk to people who are making a difference, making things happen. I was just uh, you know, I was just doing a um, uh interview for, you know, these people they're like who's who in america or something like that, and, uh, I thought this is a cool, you know, and she spent like 45 minutes with me and asking all these questions. But she was asking me what is it that you want to leave as a legacy, you know? And I said well, you know, 120 years. That's all we got, because none of us will be alive, we'll all be gone, and all all that we've left behind is our little footprint of you know, the million years that the earth has been here, you know, in this little 100 year front so what is?
Speaker 2:it. I said well, I want to help people um live their purpose, why they're here, and enjoy it and be fulfilled and be successful. And so, as I was talking to James before the show today, I just said what are you most excited about? And he said I'm excited that I'm here, I'm excited that I get to wake up every single day and start it over, I'm excited that when I go to bed, that I say the same thing Thank you for an amazing day, thank you that I was able to just the appreciation and the gratitude.
Speaker 2:And if we could live you know, if you think about this if we could live a life of gratitude, if we could live a life of service, if we could live a life where we care more about our fellow man than we do about ourselves, our world would change in a day, in 24 hours. I don't believe we would have wars that are still going on 24 hours, we would have kindness, and yet we spend our days. I mean, somebody I had a guest on yesterday told me that 74% of people that are in the workforce right now do not like their jobs, and I'm like, wow, how do you go through life? 40 years, 50 years, waiting for retirement, waiting for Fridays, waiting for weekends, anesthetizing yourself with alcohol and marijuana and whatever else on weekends so you don't have to cope with what life has.
Speaker 2:And then you get up every day and say I am so happy that I got to open my eyes this morning. And so when we think about Journey to Freedom, when we think about where our, you know, I took 18 Black men to Alabama a couple, three weeks ago and we got to go through a civil rights tour. We got to see where some of the folks that we talk about all the time Shuttleworth and MLK Jr and all these guys that were, I guess, predecessors of the life that we get right now and we got to stand on the corners and we got to see and be in Alabama and just go. Wow, some of this feels like I'm still back in 1970. Some of the ways that it is.
Speaker 2:But then to go, you know what I get to do today? I got to get up and even when I was there in a hotel room, I got to get up and take a shower. I didn't. When I walked outside, whether they thought it or not, they didn't tell me I shouldn't be there. They didn't tell me that you know, a white kid could go get my car and bring it to me from the valet. Right, that didn't happen.
Speaker 2:Right what they're doing right. Oh my God, what an incredible time it is, and so I've asked James to tell a story. I do like to tell everybody else. Start wherever you want in the history, because this is your story, and so I can't wait to hear them. We're going to chop it up. After that. We're going to have some fun, incredible time while we're here. So, james, the floor is you, it's yours. This is James W, officer III. And I even forgot where you lived in Texas or something right.
Speaker 1:Indianapolis, indianapolis, indianapolis. See how close.
Speaker 2:I was.
Speaker 1:You were super close, dr b all right well, go ahead and tell us your story.
Speaker 1:So I uh, first of all, abs, thank you for, uh, letting me be a part of this conversation. I know that it has been ongoing and will continue, and I'm just so grateful to be a part of it. And, like, literally, you asked me to tell my story and I thought, oh, wow, right, where you know, where do you start and how do you? What do I say that may or may not have the most impact, and I I determined in a couple seconds that it wasn't my business to determine what wouldn't, what will and what won't have impact, but rather just to share. And so, very quickly, I thought about my life in about five chapters. Ok, I'm going to share a little bit from each of those chapters and that'll be a pretty good summary.
Speaker 1:Chapter one is sick. I was a very sickly baby. In fact, I was diagnosed with hydrocephalus, that's water on the brain, and as a result of that yes, diagnosed with hydrocephalus, that's water on the brain, and as a result of that, yes, and as a result of that, I entered a three month long coma. The prognosis was not very good at all, that my parents were told that if I did emerge from this coma, I would be basically, you know, a vegetable, was they called it in the seventies. Right, I would. I would not be able to take care of myself or any of those things.
Speaker 1:I emerged from that coma and, yeah, there were some absolute issues that I experienced, but what remains from that, basically, is that I am 95% blind in my left eye and that's a lazy eye. And so for most people that would look at me and say, oh, poor guy with the cock eye, don't know that, it is a testimony that I was dead and I'm alive, that I was told I would be a vegetable but I was an athlete and a bit of a scholar right, at least average. And so all the things, all the prognosis were wrong and what I have as a testimony, as a medal if you will, is a lazy eye that I can't see out of. That's chapter one. Chapter two is abused. There are 10 ACEs Adverse Childhood Experiences. I won't line them out, I won't name them, but I will tell you that nine of them are attributed to my life and, in fairness, to my sister's life as well. And so we were in a, and it wasn't a biological parent but rather a step parent.
Speaker 1:Very very abusive in every way that you can imagine, from the time I was 10 years old until the time I was too big to be picked on, right yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you had enough.
Speaker 1:And that didn't happen, yeah. So I left for college but endured and watched my mom endure those things, and these are things I wouldn't have talked about years ago yeah, due to the shame of it, but realizing that, why not? I didn't do it, it wasn't my fault. So the need to talk about it is then to swallow someone else's book. I won't, I'll refrain, but it's to swallow somebody else's stuff and so what I won't do is swallow someone else's stuff to protect whatever, when that would only impact me in a negative way. So that was chapter two, which leads to chapter three, which was lost.
Speaker 1:I was a college student. I was fortunate enough to be at school to play football, but I was so confused I didn't have a clue of what I was going to. I was talking to a dear friend yesterday that I went to college without a clue of what I wanted to do, what I wanted to major in. Of course I thought I was going to the NFL. That didn't happen. Everybody right? Yeah, that didn't happen. I didn't have a clue. I literally picked my major, dr B, because it sounded difficult, because I didn't want to be seen as a dumb jock. I majored in aerospace technology, not because I was interested in it, but because I thought, man, if I'm going to be in that I don't want to be considered a dumb jock In my freshman year. That abusive person I talked about in my life shot my mother.
Speaker 2:Shot her.
Speaker 1:Fortunately she wasn't killed, but she was injured badly. Now to see her today in her 70s. The only way you know she was shot is she's missing the index finger on her right hand. But the scars on her face are completely healed. But obviously there are scars there. That last a lifetime.
Speaker 1:And so that just catapulted me into you know, heavy drinking. And I mean just completely lost football, went to he double hockey sticks and I barely made it out of college. That's chapter three. Chapter four is found, um, as a very so so I. I graduated may, may 3rd 1992 as an undergrad, may 3rd 1992 as an undergrad. I was married on May 23rd. I'll do that math for you.
Speaker 2:Two weeks after I got a degree, I was married. I got married before I finished my degree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was married. And just to push ahead, I'm still married to that girl today, almost 33 years later.
Speaker 2:Congratulations to push ahead. I'm still married to that girl today almost 33 years later, congratulations.
Speaker 1:But in that time again, I didn't know where I wanted to do, where I wanted to be, but it was something about her, I felt. I felt that I felt that I found my family, and so in that I was encouraged. Now we, we had kids very quickly. By the time I was 26, we had three.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah by the time I was 26,.
Speaker 1:We had three Wow yeah, by the time I was 30, we had our fourth and final child, who are all adult now and living their lives. So very proud of them, and even six grandchildren. So very, very blessed in so many ways. But it was chapter four that I was found. I found my faith, I found my wife, I found some footing, I found a village, even though I had connected in college. I pledged a fraternity. I did all those things. I had friends, I had people who, I believe, cared for me and saw was.
Speaker 1:It was essentially because those first, first three chapters Right and so so, after being found, I would say chapter five is redeemed and that that you know that I won't get into the details because that's a long chapter there, probably the last 20 years or so. I would call that chapter redeemed, and not because of my career, not because of the jobs I've had the last decade. I've been on my own as an entrepreneur, but even prior to that I had great jobs, high-level positions, all of those things. But that's not why I'm saying redeemed. I'm saying redeemed in chapter five because I have a very clear identity.
Speaker 1:I know exactly who I am, I know exactly why I am here and I also know that I am designed anatomically to give. I am a giver and there's no way I can get around it anatomically in a smart way anyway. But the point I'm making is that I understand and have embrace the notion that we've been designed to give and in that, interestingly and miraculously, is how we receive the most, that my deepest desire is philanthropy, because I understand that there's no way that I can outgive the creator. Now, whether you're a person of faith or not, you don't have to believe in God, to believe that principle, because God's principles are infallible, sovereign and they don't need you to believe them.
Speaker 2:They work, they work, no matter yeah.
Speaker 1:Don't need you to believe them. It is what it is. And so, living this redeemed space, it is just not about me. It is so much bigger than me and I'm convinced, dr B, that I will not die because I'm ill. I will not die of some terrible accident. I'm convinced of this, I have manifested this and I know my future in this way. I won't die because of some sickness, some accident. Future in this way. I won't die because of some sickness, some accident, something horrendous. I will die because I'm done. When I go, it's because the creator is finished with me. You've done your work. Son, come on. Whether that's 70 or 80 or 60, whatever that is, it's going to be peaceful, it's going to be quiet and it's going to be beautiful, because my work will be done and the world will be better, because I was here.
Speaker 1:Wow, that is so cool, that'll be chapter six lifted, all right, I love it, let's get six, seven and eight. Thank you for letting me do that man. I've never done that in life, so thank you for putting me on the spot to tell my story.
Speaker 2:Well, one of the things on chapter five, and then I'll go back to some of the other ones. But chapter five, it made me think. When you said I'm done, I was thinking of like David the king Right. I was thinking that he, he faced Goliath knowing that God had already ordained him to be the king the king right, so he knew when he stood up there.
Speaker 2:There was no way that Goliath could kill me because I'm not done and I think about your life right there. You got to have like a lease on life. That is so amazing because you know you're not done. So it affects all the decisions you make. It affects because you're not worried about oh, this could be over. You're like no, I love it. All right, chapter six.
Speaker 1:Thank you, man. I love, I love that analogy. It's not even an analogy, I mean, that's an allegory right Based on what we're living, and I find so much inspiration in understanding the connectivity of time and I think that that. So chapter six and this is the last chapter, cause I'm in it right now beyond redeemed is understanding. I'm in a space of my life where I just get it. I have seen enough things cycle that I understand that there is truly nothing new under the sun, literally nothing. And it makes me now become I'm a bit of a history buff, because now, when the most phenomenal thing happens, I go look for where it's happened before, and I've not failed yet in finding some semblance of it. I'll give you a real time example right now.
Speaker 1:Yesterday, a friend and I were talking about the Reconstruction period in America as it related to the freed slaves and what happened in that time. And in that 15-year period or so, land was acquired, positions were gained, all kinds of amazing things were happening to those newly freed slaves. And then there was a shift in the country where it was like, yeah, enough of that. And then comes along Plessy versus Ferguson and Jim Crow, and then all those things, and so nearly a hundred years goes by, and then around 1910, excuse me, 2010, there was this real resurgence of diversity in the workplace and a real conversation beyond affirmative action. It was hey, here's value and diversity, here's value and inclusion. And now there are positions created and affinity groups created, and then for so for the last 15 years it's been amazing, it's been reconstruction, a second reconstruction for minorities, and, of course, other groups have been added to that.
Speaker 1:I don't mean to leave anyone out, but I'm just talking to the black man that now, here in 2025, we've come to the end of a second reconstruction. Now somebody would say, james, that's a stretch, bro, but I don't know. I don't know. I'll say one more thing, dr B, that if we look at what people did at the end of the first reconstruction, that if we look at what people did at the end of the first reconstruction, that was when we had Black Wall Street and other communities like it. That's when the HBCUs were built. That's when so much emerged, when Black people were told no, are you separate? All these wonderful things happened. Here we have a chance to look at history and say, huh, what did they do at the end of Reconstruction, when it looked like all heck was breaking loose. Oh, what can we do at the end of the second Reconstruction when it looks like all heck is breaking loose? Okay.
Speaker 1:I'll stop there man, because oh no.
Speaker 2:And I love where the conversation's going because it's so true. It's like wait a minute. And it all is based on this belief that there's lack, right, because we've sort of gotten into the God of abundance. But in our world, in our systems that are created are all created based on a finite resource that's available and everybody has to fight for these finite resources.
Speaker 2:And if I give you some of my resources, that means I don't have them anymore and not realizing there's enough resources for both of us to do so much more, but we'll spend our time talking and putting together and coming up with new systems to make sure that you don't get what I have or you don't take it away from me. It's so mind-boggling.
Speaker 2:I think, the biggest difference in. You know, as we're just having this conversation, I'll go back a little bit, but the biggest difference in the first reconstruction and the reconstruction now is our intelligence, or our collective intelligence, or our ability to acquire knowledge, whereas when the slaves were coming out of slavery, many of them hadn't acquired an education, even an understanding of where they were at in the world or what their opportunities were now, and that's why they had to start developing Black Wall Street. And you know, some of them knew what they were doing and we started. You know, as we were segregated, we said wait a minute, we know what to do and we started doing it and now we started attaining Right.
Speaker 2:So, after the reader, we started taking a wait a minute. We need to integrate now, and then, when we integrate, we're going to make sure that we take you to our schools and we don't teach you. You're already teaching yourself and you guys are being successful, because you're already teaching yourself and you guys are being successful. So, no, let's put you in our schools and then we'll make sure you sit in the back room. We don't teach you, right.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't be laughing at that. It's the way you said it. It's the way you laid it out, man. That's exactly the scenario, man.
Speaker 2:Oh, and then what we're going to do is your families are to, your families are so strong, your families are doing so well, your community is doing so well, let's take the family away, you know. And then so we're going to take, we're going to take dads out of the house, then we'll do bathroom cars. There's just so many things and I don't know, and as we progress and I hear what's going on, we can't have a belief of fear. We can't have this fear that goes around, because there is so much opportunity, there is so many things, that we have conversations like this.
Speaker 2:You know, on Sunday nights I do one that's called why Love Waits, and you know we're working on the family unit and saying why is it that 50 percent of black women that are over the age of 40 have never been married? What? What is happening with that? 50 percent of black women over the age of 40 have never been married and of that 50 percent, 75 percent of them have at least one child. So that kind of tells you what the family unit is. So we have to have these conversations where we're talking about how do we make sure that this and what has happened in the past doesn't repeat itself, because we are in positions that we can make sure it doesn't happen.
Speaker 2:Yes, whoever the president is, he doesn't have enough power. No, I mean, he can fire some federal folks, but he fires one, he has to fire them all. He can say that the federal government isn't going to do DEI, which I don't even think he understands what it is. In fact, he knows exactly what it is, but he doesn't want it to be part of him. But that doesn't mean, you know, I was talking to the president of our NAACP here the other day. We do a bunch of stuff together and he says I still think businesses want to support black businesses. And I'm like, of course they do. So what's the spirit of fear? That as long as we come together, we're doing stuff.
Speaker 1:So I'll get off my portion of the soapbox, you said a lot of great things, and that's that's, uh, what I mean when I say understanding, right, I I don't leap to conclusions anymore, I leap to understand and and I do that with great intention.
Speaker 1:I just I don't react to anything, and that's just due to the chapter that I am in my life and you know, I have this notion. I have a visual related to abundance versus scarcity. You touched on that, and the visual that I have, dr B, is that there is a sea of abundance, literal ocean of abundance right, that all of us have access to on any given day, and we have the option. No one's dictating to us, no one's telling us what to use. We have the option to take a thimble to the sea of abundance or to back a dump truck up to the sea of abundance. Nobody tells us which one to take, but how we decide to view and approach the sea of abundance in impacts how we live and what we, the way we see the world. I see that there to your point that there is so much that I can't even fathom a world where there is scarcity.
Speaker 2:There isn't, and when one technology or one resource is depleted, we're creative enough and ingenuitive enough. I don't know what that right word is. And heating that we had in the world had to come from well, blubber. Well, okay, there's no more wells, so let's go dig and we'll get diamonds for us, right? And then the dinosaur will run down. We'll go, We'll create another technology.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is amazing.
Speaker 2:The sun's not going nowhere.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:So you know I miss the sun, you know the wind's not going nowhere, right? So, yeah, it just. It boggles my mind sometimes to think that, um, we have to deal with lack, and that you have conversations, and one of the things that you just said that just piqued my thought is you're in a spot where you're able to listen now so that you can be understood, so that that you can understand. So many people listen to respond. I've already got my response before I even heard what you said, and they're trying to create their world, which you know.
Speaker 2:It's okay to create your world, but what our world would be like if we were able to listen first with both of our ears instead of our mouth, before we ever respond? And so, oh my gosh, one of the questions I want to ask you, though, because you brought it up, was identity, and you said now you understand your identity and who you are, and I kind of feel like the same way, but I want to hear that journey of identity, because I can't imagine that identity when you were being abused is the same identity that you have now, or that identity you have when you were lost is the same identity when you were found. And so what was that progression that you were able to figure out what this identity looks like?
Speaker 1:Wow, that is a great question, so I'll tell it. I'll tell this backward really quickly, because now I can see so clearly how these things happen. There's a gentleman by the name of Dr Mark Gullion. He is a former physics professor at Harvard. This gentleman his work has been in physics and quantum physics Also also a Emmy winning journalist. Ok, he was an atheist, who?
Speaker 2:who moved?
Speaker 1:into a space of faith in God based on science, and because he learned through science that faith is as scientific as it is spiritual, that particles come together as you see them, not because they're already there. In other words, he proved through science that believing is seeing.
Speaker 2:Not seeing is believing.
Speaker 1:And so with that, I understand that I was believing. Based on all the things around me, I was being defined by everything that I couldn't see beyond what I believed about me. So I believed I was a sickly kid who's now an abused adolescent and preteen, and that's what I believe. So everything I saw Dr B, confirmed that it's a true saying that you go where you're looking. It's called target fixation. If you're driving along and you are looking at potholes, you're going to hit every darn pothole. You don't want to hit the pothole. Look away from the pothole, right, you go where you're looking.
Speaker 1:So I know I'm telling the story, but I'm telling it backwards to say I know now why I didn't have a sense of identity, because the things that I was seeing was based on what I believed about me. So, fast forward, I find my way to college and I land in an African-American studies 101. And that is the beginning of the light. That's the light switch that I learned about me, a perspective that I'd never, ever been taught. I knew about slavery. I knew I was a slave. I knew after a slave, dr King, was born.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's what I knew about me that I was prohibited from reading and writing and all those things, terrible things. And then Dr King came and had a dream, and now we're all free, we get to sit here in this classroom together. That was my. So then what did I see? What I believed, when I started to read about not just the contributions of Black people but the resilience. All of a sudden, I went from ashamed of slavery oh my gosh, these people survived that, my people survived that. It was a complete shift, man, in my mindset. So it went from there and I'll stop there, because you can kind of follow that trajectory. But it started with the out of control orbit of a lack of identity, started with me being given a specific orientation from an origin that was other than what had been shown to me.
Speaker 2:And that I mean that confirms me taking that trip. And I don't know if you've ever been to the Equal Justice Museum in Montgomery, yet I don't know if you've ever been to the Equal Justice Museum in Montgomery.
Speaker 1:Yet I have not when I take my next trip.
Speaker 2:You need to come with me on it.
Speaker 1:I will Lock it in Brian.
Speaker 2:Stevenson put together this unbelievable museum that starts out with the African American slave trade and then goes into integration and mass incarceration. And, oh my gosh, integration and mass incarceration. Oh, my gosh All the things, all the things. But I love it because when we think about our identities and we think of what shapes who we are and the people that we hang around and being able to move up, because sometimes I think we get stuck in this belief that we can't move forward or that we're not enough- oh, man, you know and I heard a definition the other day.
Speaker 2:I'd love for you to respond to it. The definition was of enough, and enough is not an amount. Enough is a relationship with where you're at right now and I had to start thinking through that. I'm like enough is not an amount. I don't because we will never hit the amount, because we always want more. But if we can create whatever the relationship we is now doesn't mean we don't want to strive for more. But it's enough for right now.
Speaker 1:Maybe you just respond as you process that a little bit, just really quickly, because we already talked about it, dr b. Uh, which came to me when you said that, and I'll say it quickly, I don't have to take up the air but gratitude, that's. That's the relationship, bro. Like that's what I thought when I, when you said a relationship of what you have, I that relationship, if it's gratitude, it's enough. So I love that that was awesome.
Speaker 2:It's enough. I love that. That was awesome. As I've been pondering it the last, I don't know two or three weeks at least. Every day, when I get up, I'm going. I'm enough, this is enough. Now where can I go? Because I'm not living in that black, which is so cool. I want to talk about trust a little bit, because your history leads to being in that black, which is so cool. Yes, so let's talk about trust a little bit, because your, your history leads to not trusting, and it's not. You know, sometimes we think of trust as black men. If I don't trust, you know white folks, or I don't trust you know the, the systems in the society, and and it almost hinders us and stops us. But in your story you have this long abuse and I'm assuming it wasn't from a white man, I'm assuming from somebody that just looks just like us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That, for whatever reason, decided that he had to take out his pain on his children, out his pain on his children. So you come out of that and you go to college and you're around folks and how do you trust that the folks now that are different than where you're at are going to be good to you? What kind of examples of stuff did you have that allowed you to trust?
Speaker 1:of examples of stuff did you have that allowed you to trust is so, so important, yeah, so one of the things that was consistent through all of that I mean from the time I was, I think eight is when I started was team sports. Okay, uh, so I had team sports from eight years old into college. So I always had teammates that, while I wasn't an open book at all, I felt, I felt safe, I trusted them as much as I could trust them in the space that we were in, and so that kind of lasted into into college as well. And then, beyond sports, I connected with a group of men in a fraternity. And then, beyond sports, I connected with a group of men in a fraternity. So in my second year in school I became part of a fraternal organization and so again establishing that bond and that brotherhood, because it was a real need for me that I didn't identify it as such. I just thought these guys are cool, I want to be a part of it.
Speaker 1:But there was absolutely something missing for me and I didn't trust. I did so poorly early on in school because I didn't speak out in class, I didn't trust that I would be heard and received, I didn't go talk to professors. Are you kidding me? There's no way. I was going to talk to them because I didn't trust that they had my back. And again, it wasn't until found chapter four, I think, or that I realized that all these years, because of a variety of circumstances, dr B, it was me that I didn't trust. So the journey was to trust me, and so, now that I've been on that path for a couple of decades now, the trust I have for me usurps any lack of trust for anyone else. I trust James, without question, and so that puts me in a position to not always be intertwined in every interaction, but to be able to be an observer, even in my own life.
Speaker 2:Easier said than done, but I've been practicing, of course no, but as I think through that and I think about folks that don't trust, and if we could find ways to help people go through what you did and help teach them to trust themselves yes then that opens up the world to be able to trust others. Because, if you know, who you are and you know where you're at. The discernment becomes greater.
Speaker 2:They tell you these things and you're discernment whether there's somebody I should trust or somebody I should trust because you have the belief in yourself. Oh my gosh, yeah, I think about that. I mean, I'm just blown my mind because I'm thinking about you. Know, as you're saying, I trust now and I don't have any issues anymore with trust, but it's because I do trust myself as well.
Speaker 1:I really do so, yeah, yeah, you don't need them Right, but it's because I do trust myself as well, which is so cool.
Speaker 2:You don't need them, right? You don't need the other people because you know what your ability to go do, and when you don't need somebody, it puts you in a different way that you approach everything right it does.
Speaker 1:And that doesn't mean I don't make mistakes. That doesn't mean I don't judge things incorrectly, but when I do Dr B, I own it. No one doesn't mean I don't judge incorrectly, but when I do dr b, I own it some. No one did anything to me. In fact, I've gone to the extreme that, even when it's not something positive, it still happened for me, because either all things work together for my good or they don't, oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know when I think of, like, contributing factors and things that you know deciding factors and contributing factors and I don't know if you've ever listened to Myron Golden, but he talks about contributing and you know, deciding factors and when we play the victim or we feel like we're victims, I don't want to say we play the victim, we feel like we're victims. Yeah, a lot of those are things that have happened to us, that those are the contributing factors but they're not determining factors. Right, they're not what determines where we're going to go in life. I mean whether you I mean you had when you were a baby uh, you know, you have water on your brain and that is a contributing factor outside anything that you could control Absolutely, but it didn't determine your life, because the determinations comes from the inside of us, not from the outside of us.
Speaker 2:And if we're able to determine, we have that trust and faith in ourselves. We're able then to determine how we're going to react to what that is. And when you trust what you're able to do, or trust where you can go, the contributing doesn't matter anymore. And that's why, for me anyways and you can tell me this whole political season that we just went through are all contributing factors. They are not determining my life or my success or what I want to go and I go to these places and there's so much fear as if things have been taken away that determine what my outcome in life is going to be. I mean, if I just throw two words that you, just you know what's your thought on?
Speaker 1:Really, it resonates deeply with me because, as you were talking, I was thinking about how I'm sharing my thoughts and my story and someone listening could say oh so this is one of these guys who thinks he's self-made. I haven't heard him once say anything about god or this or that. And, to the contrary, right, I understand the determining factor, but the point is that everything I need to be, everything I will ever be, has already been placed into me. So when we do we this is slippery slope, I'm gonna say it we've been done a great disservice being taught to sit and pray and wait and hope.
Speaker 1:It's a terrible strategy because because then it's becomes. It becomes an excuse not to work, an excuse not to push, an excuse not to do the things and the work on yourself for yourself, work on yourself for yourself. So this expectation that there's a savior that's going to come do everything and that savior has already done the one thing that he's ever going to do, like for real, that's already been done. So everything else, you've got to do it, and so so that's that's resonating me. When you say contributing and determining, I'll stop there. I'll stop there.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm, I'm not gonna let you, because I'm gonna, I'm gonna read some of the fire points. So I remember growing up in the black church. Well, yeah, back and forth in the in the black church and there's always the ladies who sat in the front with the white hats and the white skirts and the you know just the moms, right, they, they were amazing women and I can remember I would ask them, I would, I would ask you know how you doing, miss Johnson, how you doing? And she would say going through it, going through it, waiting on the Lord, waiting on the Lord. They go, you know, ask, you know, miss Jackson, how you doing, just going through it, waiting on the Lord.
Speaker 2:And my thought, you know, as I through it, and I'm thinking when do you get through it? Why are you always going through, ms Jackson? What is it you're waiting for? Because God's given us all of the resources that we need and he's let us depend on people. But what you just said is, until we become the person who can do the thing, until we work on ourselves to become that person, we can't do the thing. And if we don't do the thing, we can't have the thing that we've been doing, because we're still in this part of not becoming so much, you said, no, wait a minute, you, we have everything inside of us. We have everything outside of us everything.
Speaker 1:There's a great story, dr b, in the bible, uh, where a gentleman is sitting at this temple. Uh, at a gate, he's sitting at this pool and he's been there for years, like like 20 plus years, 30 years, 34. Thank you, 34 years. And so you know the story. He's waiting for someone to do something. Every time the water moves. He can't be healed because he is waiting for someone to put him in the water.
Speaker 1:Jesus comes along and just asks the guy do you want to be okay, do you want to be healed? Well, yeah, I do, but I, but, but, but, but, but. And Jesus says well, get up, man, take up your bed and walk right, like. And ultimately, after all those years, his healing was to get up, take his bed and go away. I love the take your bed part because you know how it is when you get out of bed Covers are all warm, you're tempted to go back in it. He told him take the bed, throw those nasty covers away and go. But I don't want to get lost in the point. The point I'm making is all that time, everything he needed to do was right there with him, but he was waiting on someone else making excuses for why his life wasn't what it could be Watching other people living the life he could live, but making excuses, waiting on the Lord.
Speaker 2:Waiting on the Lord. Waiting on the Lord oh my gosh. Yes, I think Tyler Perry has one of those, or Sister Camelot has the whole comedy thing on it and you can go back to. There's a really good. I don't know if you've seen the Chosen or watched any of the Chosen, but I think it's in season two where they do a dramatic rendition of Jesus asking that guy.
Speaker 2:He's always trying to get into the pool and he's waiting for people to take him in and people haven't been taking him in and then he picks up his bed and part of that was it was on the Sabbath that he did the healing. There's all the things that come into that, but it's just. You know, as you think through what you're saying, we have to be able to work on us have to, and it's got to be part of your daily life. You can't be expecting somebody to do it for you. I want to talk about faith, just because we started bringing it up here and we thought about it and your degree was in Aero. What was it again?
Speaker 1:Aerospace technology.
Speaker 2:Aerospace technology, and so I think of aerodynamics and all that stuff you were talking about a little bit about, um, uh, you know, like you know, folks that are atheists, or foods that don't believe in god, and having faith that allows you, uh, to know that there's a guy. But you know what, when I think about, like, the law of energy and the law of energy, the energy is always there. It just changes its form, right?
Speaker 2:yeah that's what it does yes, you understand that more than I understand it because I was a pe maybe, so we didn't talk about energy too much more than I understand it because I was a PE major, so we didn't talk about energy too much. As it's coming through, talk about kinesiology and how movement works, I guess we didn't talk about it All connected though, Dr Beal.
Speaker 2:But the law of entropy says that if you leave something alone, it will dissolve or whatever. So, like if you, it just goes away, right, it dissipates. If you leave your house alone and you don't do anything, it there's um, what do you call it? Dust and everything else. It just falls apart. You let a bird poop on your car and it just destroys everything that isn't left left to itself, everything left to itself. If you don't do something with it or interact with it, it will disintegrate or whatever that word is that I'm trying to use. So when you think about you know, if energy is always there and if everything falls apart, you go okay, so how could there be a bang? And it creates, and then it gets better all the time. You don't do anything, right, and but you know. I guess my question is, as I'm saying that, as you were, you know, thinking about your, your education, what, how has faith now played this part in who you are, what you do when you get up um in your walk?
Speaker 1:so thank you for asking, I think to. If I were to answer that in one sentence, it would be that I've learned that faith is a proactive state, not a reactive state. Faith is not something we wait on, faith is something we create. That's the short answer, and I think about it. That again, I've seen it so much in nature. I've seen what is it Hebrews 11 and 2, I've seen it in nature so many times.
Speaker 1:Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen. That doesn't make sense. How can there be substance of something that's hoped for? What is the substance of something hoped for? Well, of something that's hopeful. What is the substance of something hopeful? Well, that's what we call vision. That's our imagination. That's the substance of something hopeful when you close your eyes, dr B, and see your vision. That's the first part of faith. And what is the evidence of things unseen? What's the evidence that Christmas is on the way? What's the evidence that Easter's in the air? What's the evidence that it's the first day of school? There is a feeling that's associated with certain occurrences. There's emotion, there's emoting that occurs when you are in expectation of a thing. So, if I'm expecting, if I am excited if I am filled with joy and gratitude about the vision that I see coming to pass. Sir, that is faith.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I love it. I'm going to turn you into a preacher here, Brisa. You get out there and, oh my gosh, we're with people.
Speaker 1:It's just. It's just. It's become so practical to me and I wish it could be more practical. And again, we've been done a disservice in many ways and I'm not going to go on disparaging the black church, but we've done we've been done a disservice because I am a man of faith but I'm not a man of religion. Miss me with that.
Speaker 2:Thank you for saying that, because, in the name of religion, has done so many things by man deciding what God wants for you or for everybody else, and then coming up with rules that are part of the Bible, that are part of you. Know what I'm reading when I'm? It's like you just make up stuff. Well, you can't dance, because, well, david danced, and he danced down the streets with no clothes on.
Speaker 1:Mardi Gras bro.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, and I love it because, yeah, religion can get us in trouble.
Speaker 1:For sure. In all seriousness, absolutely Don't decide. It's a bad deal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people say that the Bible is a book of religion. You know it has religion in it, but the Bible is a book about a kingdom, about his kingdom.
Speaker 1:That's what we're learning about oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:Oh, so I want to talk about help a little bit um, and because one of the things that you said the average black man in our country lives to 72. That's what our, that's what our stats say. You and I both live, believe this. For me, my dad's 86 right now, still running track weeks. I'm not, you know, my mom's 80 years old.
Speaker 2:I have no thought whatsoever that I'm going to live to be. You know that I'm only going to live to be 72. But there's things that we have to do in order to maintain the vessels that God has given us while we're here, even though they're not going to be there of ours forever. What are some of the things that you've done and are able to do to maintain that would be helpful for folks that want to live?
Speaker 1:I think I want to touch on the one thing that maybe isn't discussed a lot. You know, yeah, I go to the gym four or five times a week. I try to monitor what I eat. I enjoy food, but I'm mindful I don't. Sugar is not my thing, right, I can get into those things, but I I am a absolute believer that minimizing or eliminating stress is the fountain of youth. Fountain of youth.
Speaker 1:It's documented that only 5% of all diseases are genetic. Right, that all this stuff we say, well, I got diabetes because my mom and him had diabetes. Not, true, that is not passed on genetically. Epigenetically, perhaps we don't have time for that. But perhaps epigenetically because of the habits and environment, but it is not genetic. But perhaps epigenetically because of the habits and environment, but it is not genetic.
Speaker 1:But what does egg on disease in our body is stress, because stress causes you know what I'm saying? All the bloods to go to our extremities, fight or flight, which leaves our gut exposed and cortisol attacks our organs. Right, and it limits, not only affects the quality of our life, but it truly causes disease. And think about disease. It's two words together dis-ease, right, disease is a lack of ease, and so it is stress that kills more Black men than guns or drugs or alcohol. It is the PTSD of being a Black man in America that kills more Black men than guns or drugs or alcohol. It is the ptsd of being a black man in america that kills more black men than anything else combined.
Speaker 1:It ages us, it causes all kinds of issues, it breaks our spirits, it causes us to look through a lens of paranoia and without joy, and it is stress man. And and without joy, and it is stress man. And if we can work through ways which again is back to self-work, if you notice, that was the theme coming from me If we stay, if we focus on the things we can control, what can I? How can I eliminate stress? How can I look for things to be joyful about? I truly believe that that'll lengthen the life. You know whomever, but we're talking about black men. But I truly believe we can change that average if brothers can learn how to deal with and eliminate stress.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and talk to me a little bit about the mental health side of stress, like what do we have to do to mentally have a healthy mindset every single day? And I know it's going to kind of go back to our same theme you know with, you know with the gratitude and everything else, but I mean we have to be cognizant that our mind plays a big part of our health of our body and everything else Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, man, you are, you're nailing it. It's the reps, right? It's the reps, like we. Let's just say, use church, for example. You go to church once a week and maybe you're lifted for two hours and then you go back into your life. Or you go to therapy once a week. I mean, you name the, the, the source that you use for help and encouragement, but you don't take a bath once a week, right?
Speaker 2:I love that. Well, some people might, but.
Speaker 1:You get my point. You don't brush your teeth once a week. You do those things daily. It's the reps that creates dental health. It's the reps that creates good hygiene. It's the reps that will create mental hygiene and mental wellness. You've got to do it every day.
Speaker 2:Well, and to piggyback I mean not piggyback, just to reference. What you're saying is you're talking about the reps. Well, where you're at now is based on the reps that you had. That may not have been productive.
Speaker 1:Oh for sure. You know, man, none of us are living the outcomes of our of our decisions today. We're living the outcomes of our decisions yesterday. That's just how that goes right. That's why the reps are so important. You go to the gym, you're doing curls. You don't see muscle growing. In fact, you're tearing down muscle, the muscles growing when you're asleep, wow anyway. You don't see that happening. But it's happening, and so that's why we rep until failure, we, we work on it until failure, because that's when the growth is occurring well, I can remember growing up and, like you know, my grandparents were in the man, the man.
Speaker 2:The man I mean, that was all they talked about is the man. The man did this, the man did that.
Speaker 2:That was reps, that they were speaking into their world and we live in that every single day. Right, we have to be careful what we tell our kids. I have eight of them, you have four of them. I mean, how important is the reps of what you say to them on a daily basis, what they, what you allow them to say about themselves, in this world of social media and everything else where we're comparing ourselves to not real life, these lives that are you know, whatever we're scrolling through, that is their best life in most days.
Speaker 2:And we this comparison thing of then we start telling this story, thing of then we start telling this story to ourselves. That could be just so detrimental. And we can tell that same story the other direction every single day, like you obviously do. When you get up every single morning and you say, the first thing you say is I'm thankful that I woke up, I'm thankful that I'm here. The other person who's snoozing is talking about. I have to get up. I'm thankful that.
Speaker 1:I'm here, the other person who's snoozing is like well, I have to get up, man, you're touching on something so powerful, and that is even for me. That option is available, right, those, both choices are always available. That is the irony of this thing that I'm not special. I'm not somehow anointed to have a positive attitude. I'm not chosen to be positive. I wake up with the same opportunity to say, oh my gosh, here's the day, god, I got to meet with this guy. This bill is due. I have the same option. I have the same life. I have the same things that are there, but I get to choose how I approach them. Things that are there, but I get to choose how I approach them. I get to choose how I interact with those things and, as a result, my outcomes are always working out for my good period, so so good.
Speaker 2:We've been talking almost an hour and it seems like it's been like oh, there's so much, so much wisdom in the things that you've been saying. Is there anything that that you wanted to make sure you shared today, as you thought about coming on this podcast and and sharing with you know, my audience and whoever else's audiences that out there that you just want to let folks know? I'd love for you to share that with us.
Speaker 1:You know I was talking to a young brother when I say young, probably in his early 30s, but he's young and married, had one little kid, and he was talking to me about feeling unappreciated with the things that he does, and so I said something to him, and when I said it to him, he started crying.
Speaker 1:He's not one of those guys that just cries out of the blue, which is nothing wrong with that, I've got nothing. I cry too. I cry as well. Nothing wrong with crying. But he started almost uncontrollably crying because what I said touched him in a way that I had no idea would, even though the thought of it touches me deeply. So I'm going to share that with the audience.
Speaker 1:I asked him did he know what a load-bearing wall was in the structure? And he said well, not really. I said well, in any structure a house, apartment, a building there are many walls, there are many beams and there are lots of pillars in that building. But there are certain pillars or walls in a structure that if those are taken out, the entire structure would fall. So those walls bear far more load than it appears. In other words, it looks like every wall in the house is carrying the same weight, but the low-bearing wall actually carries more weight. So the other walls could be looking at the low-bearing wall saying what's your problem? We're carrying the same weight, when in fact the low-bearing wall by its very nature just carries more it has to, or the structure will fall.
Speaker 1:So when I said that, the young brother just reacted so much, I thought man, I guess there's something to that. Right, he's feeling that pressure and feeling like that pressure is not being recognized. And my point to him was don't expect it to be recognized, don't need that. What you need is to fortify yourself. What you need is surround yourself with other low bearing walls that say you're doing great, you're doing okay. Which is what I ultimately told him man, you're doing a great job, don't quit, don't come down. Man, you're doing a great job, don't quit, don't come down.
Speaker 1:But our expectation to get a pat on the back for just being a man, we have to. We have to quell that. We've got to. We've got to know that we are good enough. Back to what you said about being enough. We've got to know that, even if we don't get that recognition, even if we don't, if a woman doesn't give us the kudos we need, we have to know what that is to be the load-bearing wall, not expect a cookie for it, right, but then look for ways to be fortified, build community, find other men that you can be in conversation with that you can talk about the load that you bear, so that you don't have to feel like an island, and you'll find out very quickly that there are many other load-bearing walls around you having the same experience I love it because you know, as I'm thinking through your that analogy, which is so good, is you don't have to be the load-bearing wall in every house.
Speaker 2:Right, you can be a little. You have to be in the one that you're in right now, all those people that you go around. That's why all those people let they can be the low bearing wall in another house, yes, but you need to go visit the other house. You can't stay in your own house and expect everything to take on everything yourself very good, absolutely you know because in the father's house he has many mansions right and so many minutes you know, oh my gosh, you do it, I do it, we've all done it as men, particularly as black men, and so yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, that's why this is this conversation we're having is so important, because he can listen to this and go wait a minute. This guy took this is how he took on his load-bearing wall and he came out of it and was able to visit another wall and then the bear, because the load didn't seem like it was so, so heavy. He's able to build more and able to move more, but you don't know how to do that if you're stuck in the middle of the house, right?
Speaker 2:no you can't see the outside, you can't see the windows, you can't.
Speaker 1:You can't move, you're just stuck you just stop, man, you just stopped well, james, thank you for so much for for taking your time today.
Speaker 2:I know you're busy man. You got things got you going and ripping and roaring, like all of us do, but to take the time to, to share with, uh, the folks that are listening to it has has been an honor, it has been a treat, it has been for me, just a wonderful, incredible conversation that I will continue to, you know, to talk about and to tell people and utilize your analogies. You've had such good analogies today that I'm going to, you know, I took, you know, two or three pages of notes and just thank you again for being here.
Speaker 1:Thank you, dr B. Again, I'm humbled to just havea conversation with a like-minded man Like we just right clicked, because we definitely are resonating on the same frequency, if you will, and that's what makes it work, man, and I need that in my life on a regular basis.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and so those of you who are watching, if the episode meant something to you and it was something, go ahead and watch it again. It's recorded for that purpose, if there's somebody that you know that could benefit from the things that we talked about today even if they don't, they decide not to watch it.
Speaker 2:All you can do is share with them and let them know that it's available. Hit the subscribe button, because we have episodes coming out all the time that are those that can help you not have to be that low barrier wall in the middle of the room trying to figure it out all on your own. Hey, folks, I don't forget that your God's greatest gift is not you, if you allow him to, and we'll talk to you on the next one. You guys have an amazing, awesome, incredible day and we'll see you on the next one.