The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Journey to Freedom serves as an exclusive extension of the Living Boldly with Purpose podcast series—a platform that inspires powerful transformation and growth. Journey freedom is a podcast hosted by Brian E. Arnold. The Journey to Freedom is an our best life blueprint exclusively designed for black men where we create a foundational freedom plan. There are five pillars: Identity, Trust, Finances, Health and Faith.
The Journey to Freedom Podcast
Are You Living Useful or Just Busy? A Transformational Talk with Yusef (Mista Yu) Marshall
What does it mean to be truly useful rather than just busy? In this profound conversation, Dr. B welcomes Mista Yu, a coach and communicator whose journey from the concrete jungle of New York to finding his purpose offers wisdom for anyone seeking meaningful direction in life.
Growing up in Brooklyn without consistent mentors, Mista Yu describes how voracious reading expanded his worldview beyond the limitations others tried to place on him. "When reading, it opens your imagination, it takes you to places your eyes haven't seen yet, but you can see in your mind," he shares, revealing how this practice helped him dream beyond his circumstances.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when Mista Yu discusses his revolutionary approach to relationships. After discovering the concept of "vetting relationships" in his 50s, he began carefully evaluating who deserves access to different areas of his life. Using the biblical tabernacle as a metaphor, he explains how this framework transformed his connections: "People in my outer courts that should be out there with the animals, I had them in my inner court." This boundary-setting wisdom alone could transform how you approach your own relationships.
Without a father figure to model after, Mista Yu shares how he navigated parenthood through personal development. Now celebrating nearly 30 years of marriage with three grown daughters and grandchildren, he attributes his success to continuous growth: "I was trying to learn how to father these three beautiful princesses without having any idea how to be a father in the first place."
Perhaps most compelling is his perspective on finding purpose through spiritual usefulness: "If I'm useful to God, I can't get fired." This framework offers a refreshing alternative to hustle culture, focusing on alignment rather than achievement.
Ready to transform how you approach relationships, purpose, and personal development? Connect with Mista Yu for a free 30-minute strategy call through theycallmemisteryou.buzzsprout.com or find him on social media platforms. Your journey to usefulness begins now.
🎙 Follow me for more podcasting tips and exclusive offers:
📸 Instagram: @drbrianearnold
📘 Facebook: @brianearnold
🎥 YouTube: @brianearnold1
💼 LinkedIn: Brian Earnold
🐦 X (Twitter): @DrBearnold
🎵 TikTok: @brianearnold1
📚 Read my books: brianearnold.com/books
👉 Support our show: ThePodcastChallenge.com
http://thepodcastchallenge.com
All right, all right, all right. Welcome to another edition of the Journey to Freedom podcast. I am Dr B, I am your host. Welcome to another edition of the Journey to Freedom podcast. I am Dr B, I am your host and, as always, super excited to be able to get one done and talk to some of the most amazing people on the planet. And today you were in for a treat you were going to enjoy. You know, we were just talking in the green room right before and you know, would you like to go by, mr? Is that the best way to go or how do you? It's.
Speaker 2:OK, people call me Mr you all over the place. I didn't plan that, just so everybody knows. I accept it. Mr you, yusef, you, any of those apply for me, I'm good.
Speaker 1:I love it, I love it. So, mr Yu, one of the things that we learn, especially as we get a little bit older, is that we are probably good at several different things and it's just finding that one thing that really creates the purpose in our lives. And sometimes it takes us a while to get to that point, but I would never be ashamed of being good at more than one thing. You know, some people say, well, I do all these things. I probably should just calm it down and trim it down to one thing and eventually, yes, I do believe that eventually you should kind of hone in on what you enjoy doing the most.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't mean you're not still good at doing other stuff. You know, like I was mowing the lawn the other day and I, you know I can keep a pretty good lawn and it looks nice and I can mow it. I promise you that's not what I want my life's work to be. It's my, my ability. There are some great landscapers out there and I don't have any problem paying them and you know, and doing stuff. But sometimes I just enjoy going out there a little bit. You know, that doesn't mean that that needs to be your life's work. I was a physical education teacher for a long time. You know which has been. You know it was fun. But then as soon as I got my master's in educational technology I moved over to teaching computers and I just kind of been evolving through the different levels of my life. I don't want to go back and be a PE teacher, you know that was and I'm good at it and I'm, you know, the kids love me and that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I've been coaching for some 38 years in track and field and I'm a very good, incredible track coach. I, you know, I've coached some Olympians. I coached some high school state champions. I enjoy coaching track, but I don't know if that defines me. One of the things that we will talk through when I talk to Mr U today is what is it that? You know, that journey that we went through to get to where we're at, but then kind of what we want the world to define us as as we move forward. Here's what I know. I'm 60 years old now and I don't even know if I'm there yet. Like, I might not define myself for another five or six years.
Speaker 1:I'm doing some stuff that I love, like doing this podcast. I love doing this podcast. I just don't know where it's going to lead to. I love when I get on stage and I get to do speaking engagements. I love, you know. You know teaching people how to do podcasting. I love, you know you know doing some of the living trust stuff I do. I'm starting a community, and so there's all these things that we can do, and so I can't wait to hear his story. Miss, as I've told everybody else and all my other guests, you get to start your story wherever you want. I hope you're not going to start it way before you were born, but at least at the time you were born. Some people tell me I come from the ancestors of which is nothing really.
Speaker 2:Don't worry about that happening today. That won't happen to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, take your time, just tell us about your journey and you know, for wherever you want to start, to where you're at now, and then we'll just chop it up after that. So thanks for being on the show today. Thanks for availing yourself. I love talking to people. He's currently in the South, right now, in South Carolina, from New York, and just has lots of wisdom from what I can ascertain at this point right now. So thank you for being on the floor is yours. Can't wait to hear it.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me in here, man, I appreciate it. I think I'll start here. Being from New York, I think that kind of set the table for a lot of things that happened. I'm pretty confident if I was born in Colorado or if I was born in the south, my situation would be a lot different, it would look different. But being born in new york, I really believe that it created and I don't use the word grind anymore, I've taken out of my vernacular because it has a negative connotation for me personally.
Speaker 2:But for me, the hustle, the having multiple ventures, trying to make ends meet, trying to do something for my family, those things kind of got baked into me. So that kind of sparked why I think I was so easily prone to doing multiple different things, being different genres and not just kind of sticking to one thing only. I really feel like that played a part in that. So it kind of helped me to get to a place where I didn't bounce around because I was unhappy or bounce around from different jobs and vocations because they didn't pay enough. I think I got to the places in those areas, in those situations where I feel like I got all the tools I needed, and when I realized there was nowhere else for me to grow and learn for many more, I wanted to make sure that, as always, we hit us in business circles all the time. I don't want to be the smartest person in the room. If I am, it's time to get into a different room.
Speaker 1:So for me.
Speaker 2:I always try to find ways to challenge myself and I mean some people who might watch this podcast right now, or even things that I've done on my own podcast and they may say, you know what? You can't find a job you can work at for 40 years. That's great Right To me. That's a prison. That's not great to me because I doubt really highly I'm growing. I've been in long term job with the government, with the state government, things like that, and I realized what my growth level was like. I saw how I was limited in my ability to grow personally and for me that's the most important thing, because that job's gonna come and go. They can downsize, they can close up shop altogether and guess who's still gonna be sitting here? That's gonna be me. So I gotta make sure that I prioritize developing me.
Speaker 2:So all the places I've been, all the jobs I had as a chef, as a supervisor in the State Department, doing passports and border security and visas, when it comes to being a computer technologist, whether it was me doing ministry in official capacity, all the things that I've done, they all led to me growing personally and helped me to be a more well-rounded person. And that's what I kind of do now. When I coach other people, I help them understand. You know what? The journey isn't the destination, it's the process to get to the destination. That's how we grow the most, that's what we learn the most. That's how we find out what we like about ourselves, what we don't like about ourselves. All those things happen on the journey. So I help people do that, because that's what I learned how to do. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Oh, absolutely, and it's so fun to kind of think of. You know the things that we've been able to do or the things that have grown us. You know one of the things that you said I've grown personally and I would love, in your journey, maybe talk about that a little bit. You know, I'm kind of to the point now where I believe about 20% of my life or 20% of my waking life, I don't want to, I don't want to screw the skew the data with saying I sleep for however many hours, I sleep, right, but my waking life I want about 20% of that to be me, working on me, so I can be better for others. And so maybe kind of talk about your personal development journey and what that looked like as far as you know who, who you are or who you were, maybe even as a young man, to compare to who you are now and know the things that you did to change that.
Speaker 2:Sure, I can definitely do that. I had a coming from New York. It wasn't. It's not a catchphrase, I'm not trying to sound cool and hip and sharp and whatnot, but I know it was rough to come up where I come from. It was, uh, it was. It was a rough journey. They call it the concrete jungle for a reason. It's really that In a lot of ways is dog-eat-dog and I think I had little tools that I didn't realize.
Speaker 2:They were intangibles at the time to me. They shaped so much of who I am today. My mom she was a very high education. She's from the Virgin Islands. She learned that work ethic. Her mother-in-law was from Panama, so they had a strong work ethic, servants loyal to a fault. They had that kind of mindset that they brought with them to this country and for me I learned in that about the importance of education. I was a voracious reader. My mom is still a lifetime student. She's still going to school for something, learning something. So I learned that from her.
Speaker 2:I learned about reading. I read multiple books a year. I'm still doing that now. I go through books a lot within the course of a year. I lower the numbers so I can kind of inhale and receive more from it. So I don't have the number that I'm like 30 a year. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm kind of shortening that so I can learn more.
Speaker 2:I've always been a virtuous reader. That helped me stay creative, but also not let me get limited to my environment. I saw things outside of my world and it makes me know okay, there's possibilities out here, because where I come from, you can really feel closed in. You feel like this is your life, this is the best you can do. The ceiling is right here. You're not going to pass that. But when reading it opens your imagination, it takes you to places that your eyes haven't seen yet, but you can see it in your mind and it kind of helped me to kind of hope and dream and believe again't have anybody. That was a consistent mentor in my life. So for me, I really tried to put myself in situations where I can have community around me, put myself in places where people who are doing what I wanted to accomplish put myself in that spot.
Speaker 2:That was a big part of my growing up. That was a big part of my evolution into adulthood. I read a lot, I listened to a lot of things. I fed myself voraciously on things that would help me to grow my mindset and to change how I view things. Because again, coming from a place where you're, from the inner city, the whole world is telling you you don't really matter. The whole world is telling you you can't go, but so far. But when you come from this neighborhood, right here, this is the best anybody's ever done, and those are like big hills to climb when you're a young person. So I'm sitting here like, okay, I got a little rebel in me and I'm like, yeah, I hear what you're saying, but I'm from New York, I can do. I can do anything I put my mind to it. My mother always told me that. And guess what? That's how I approach life.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, I love it, love it. So, as we think of you know, the things that you did to get better and the books that you read and the people that you hung out with your identity, like the person that you know, when I think of our identity, that's the person that shows up in front of what we believe on the inside and maybe shows up than the person. But when we look in the mirror and that identity of you know, I know, you said I'm from New York and I believed I can do anything. You know, did that identity stay with you and make things happen for you by having that identity? Or was there something in there sometimes that said you know what I know? I'm saying that but when I show up, sometimes I don't feel that way. Sometimes kind of walk me through the identity changes in your life a little bit that have made a difference for you.
Speaker 2:I would probably say this is not a geographical thing, as much as it may be a gender thing. Perhaps Men have a challenge with and we talk about this on one of our shows that we do for all men we deal with men having the willingness to be transparent about what they're feeling rather than having it being bottled up and it comes out in negative ways. I know I've spent a lot of time probably covering up what I thought were perceived weaknesses, so I spent a lot of time covering those things up For me. It took me quite a while. I'm not proud of how long it took me. I'll just say it took me a while to get to the place where I can be transparent and open, because I was walking in introversion for quite a while, didn't know what it was, I thought it was shyness, but it was just really more about me not getting my energy from the normal places that extroverts do and mines come from other places. I need to recharge in a different way. I don't need to be around a whole crowd of people. I don't enjoy that and in new york that's life, that's everything. So imagine how it was growing up to be around all the people in parades. I'm like I don't like none of this stuff. Get me out of here. As fast as you can, parachute me out of here, I don't care, just get me out of here, just get me out, yeah. So that's what that's. It lift me out of here. So that's the kind of thing that I was dealing with all that time, keeping things bottled up, man.
Speaker 2:But you know, moving honestly, I won't say move to the south to get your, to get your healing, but moving down here. I moved down here for for musical purposes. But moving down here here and getting a chance to be out of my environment and kind of relearn, reload at the same time, life changing me. I became more transparent, I became more emotionally okay with myself. I'm able to cry, able to be honest when I'm in situations where honesty and authenticity is required, I can do it, I can be there, I can be present.
Speaker 2:In the moment I'm still growing in that. I'm in situations where honesty and authenticity is required, I can do, I can be there, I can be present in the moment. I'm still growing in that. I'm still learning that I'm in groups and communities that allow me to have that kind of opportunity. But, man, it's been game changing for me to be able to do that. I mean, like you said earlier on in the show, I've done a lot of different things and I don't know how to pinpoint what that one thing, like you said, maybe we should try to find that, but if I can say that, you know, being a coach and a communicator was something I can put my hang my hat on. I would do that because I was. I was seeing that stuff even when I was little. People would come to me that were way older than me and they were telling me their problems. I'm like what do you want me to do with that? I can't even drive.
Speaker 2:Why are you telling me this stuff? So these are kind of things that I I didn't read out until now.
Speaker 2:I look back like wow, in retrospect, I'm like I've been doing this for a long time I've been giving people pearls of wisdom, if you will, for a long time like where's it coming from? I know it's not coming from me. I I get the credit who it belongs to, but you know it just. These are things I feel like in all the things that I've done, where they've been podcasting as a chef, coaching, whatever it is, in a supervisory, administrative or whatever what I was doing always was that person that I thought was just an introvert, that was just non-existent. The communicator is coming out now and it shows on all of the shows that I do, all the shows that I guest on. It really comes out and I'm like wow, for somebody who don't want to talk a lot, you sure talk a lot, but that's so. I guess I hope to answer the question because I kind of just wear, you know, I just see myself evolving into a man. Does that make sense? Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And one of the things that I think is misunderstood about introverts because you obviously show up as an extrovert, as you had, and you walk with people and talk with people. But I think that what I see, some of the best or the most successful people in life are introverts, because they're introspective of what's going on around them. They recharge by themselves, and I think that's what the difference is. It's not how you are in a crowd, it's what recharges you, what ignites you. Like for me, I am an extrovert, so when I go to a place, I get energy from who's around me. But I have other people in my life who get energy from sitting down with the book and just with nobody else in the room, and both of those okay, but we both show up on stage with tons of energy, tons of ready to go, and they don't have to be the life of the party to create energy, which almost makes it to me. It's kind of like you know you're always jealous of what you don't have, but I wish that I could just sit down with a book and not need a crowd to get energy, so that I could just sit down and think and process, because I think so many people who are introverted process much better because they can have that alone time, and so thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1:When I started the Journey to Freedom podcast and the Journey to Freedom initiative that I have, I went to a. It was an event. It was called the Trust Leadership, trusted Edge. A guy named David Horsager, out of Minnesota, you know, does this thing. He's probably one of the when you think of trust and the word trust and how we have to show up trusting others, and he's probably one of the leading experts in the world in that realm.
Speaker 1:Well, there's 500 people at this seminar conference and I look around the room and, you know, I say it doesn't matter that folks that look like me can do things. But you know why am I looking around the room? Counting, right? So because it doesn't matter, right, but I'm counting. And so you know there's 30 folks of color that are in the room and you know the information is so good, it's so worthy, and I'm thinking back, while I'm sitting there, to my barbershops, I'm thinking back to the street corners, I'm thinking back to the basketball games that they get, you know, or the pickup games, and I'm thinking why are we not? Why is our culture, not getting a lot of this information.
Speaker 1:So I came back and I started Journey to Freedom and so far we've interviewed over 200 black men about what does it mean to be here? And so one of the questions that I'd love to ask is trust, because you are from New York and you know a lot of people that I've interviewed from New York said I didn't trust nobody at all. I trust my mama, and that was it. That was what we were taught to do. And then I have others that say no, I give everybody the benefit of the doubt. It's bit me in the butt a whole bunch of times, but I still do it and then I'll trust later. Kind of walk through your trust journey of how do you decide who you're going to trust, who you're not going to trust, and is that ever been an issue that has either helped you or hurt you?
Speaker 2:That's a great question, dr B. Great question, man. It started off like you described DTA don't trust anybody. It started that way beside my mom and my grandmama. My uncle had a shot beside that, nope, wasn't able to do it. I didn't trust my teacher, thought of a lion to me. I didn't trust a guy on the server. I didn't trust nobody. So it's just how much this thing costs at the bodega. I didn't trust him either. I'm like, nah, I don't, there's a real price. You kind of gala to me. So I didn't trust anybody. But I think that's in the revolution, if you will, came.
Speaker 2:Or the transmission came when I read a book called the ten laws of relationship. Mmm, we're not, we're not. When I know it's another part of the name, I'm blanking out. I'm looking to see what it is. I can find it. Yeah, is that a Maxwell book? No, okay, oh gosh, I'm looking over here trying to find a book, or live on your show, but it's uh. But if you, if you google the chin loss of listen, you'll see the name is. It's a fantastic book. It is the consummate relationship book, if I can say that out loud.
Speaker 2:What it taught me to do was something that I didn't even almost say in catch in this book. What it taught me to do was to vent relationships. That's something that I never thought was a real thing. I thought that I was supposed to get whatever I was given and it was my lot in life and that's what it was going to be. And Nobody, ever, nobody ever, dissuaded me from that set. Maybe my mother, with some of the mindset about you know how to let people treat you and how to you know and how to deal with relationships. But honestly, I had to learn a lot of stuff for myself and that book it it changed my mindset and I didn't talk about five years ago basically. So all my life I was thinking you know what the stuff I was given is? Just, it's just what I was supposed to get.
Speaker 2:And the book is called the 10 critical law I'm a little missing the word the 10 critical laws of relationship. So so my apologies on that one, but what it talks about when I get into the whole book, was that you need to vet relationships. Now I say vetting how can I, how can I apply that? And the book breaks it down. But think about when you're vetting somebody for a job.
Speaker 2:You're the owner of the company. You're the founder or CEO of the company People. You're the owner of the company. You're the founder or CEO of the company. People are coming in wanting to work for you. How do you vet them? People want to be on your board. How do you vet them? People want to work under you as a supervisor. How do you vet them? Guess what you do, rob D Thompson. Thank you, sir, appreciate that. This is what you do.
Speaker 2:You ask, you ask questions, you examine, you determine and then you make a decision. And I'm like, wow, because I have some friends that I wish I vetted them, especially back home in New York. I wish I had vetted them before I invited them into the inner sanctum and made them my friends and made them privy to my life and all the intimate secret things that happened in my life and to me that was a game changer right there. That book. So in a relationship now as an adult that's more mature, now I don't have the approach that I don't trust anybody. I do give people the benefit of the doubt. At the same time, there's going, there's gonna be a, there's gonna be an open book. And you know what if you, if you fail that nothing but love for you. I'm not gonna let you back in here. We can be, we can be here, but you can't be here and I just and we had to decide. You know what, who's gonna be, where who's gonna. You know you have to decide what the priority is gonna be. We want people in your life.
Speaker 2:One of the biggest things I learned this is a biblical thing. I won't try to bar you, show down with this, but if you remember how the tabernacle was constructed in the old testament, there was the outer courts where anybody can be, no matter what faith or, uh, denomination you were, and even animals that were considered unclean could be an outer court. Inner court was where people who were initiated could be, people who were of the faith, people who had clearance as ministers or leaders of some sort to be there, and the innermost is where it would be you and God community. Nobody could be inside there but you and him. It's that personal what we do now, and God gave me revelation about this. He showed me that how the people in my outer courts that should be out there with the animals, so to speak, hate to put it like that. But they're not initiated. They have no loyalty. They shouldn't be there. I got them in my inner court and I have people you know, happy, happy but out of position, misplaced priorities. So that book helped me to get people in in their proper order in the proper place.
Speaker 2:People, people watching my, said you know what I just messed up me about? To be in the same place? Yeah right, I'm sorry. Yeah, this, I don't have that kind of mentality. You can call it socially wherever you want, I don't. I don't do that. Everybody can't be in intercourse because everybody don't. You have to earn that. Yeah, absolutely. If you can't, socially, whatever you want, I don't do that. Everybody can be an intercourser. Because you have to earn that, you can't be in that place. It sounds simple, but people don't realize how much we do that I coach people all the time. I have, over almost 30 years now, the same problem. Why you had this problem? Well, this person in my life, right here, and they said, once you find out who they are, you're like, wow, you gave them the keys to the castle and you don't mind them robbing you blind. You know what I'm saying. Who let them in here? Who let the dogs in? Who let them in?
Speaker 2:That's the question when I learned that. I don't know how to describe it. It was just it was game changing man for me when that happened. So now I don't get stressed out by people in my life who's messing things over. I know where to put them, how to guard my heart and guard my situation and have people in a proper perspective. So yeah, I'm not going to say I trust every single body. I don't invite everybody to my house and go sit and say have your way, I don't do that. That's nonsense, but you know. But now I'm more strategic about who I give my space to, my time to, even as a coach and just as a person. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Oh gosh, it makes so much sense. One of the things you just said that just super hit home for me, especially in our culture, is you said I needed to vet, I needed my relationships. I need to kind of know. You said I needed to vet, you know I needed my relationships. I need to kind of know who you are a little bit before I'm going to start letting you into places and when I think of you know, obviously we have family and you know we were saying you can't choose your family, your family chooses you. So you got to do, but you still don't have to let them in to every part of your circle. And then we have, like, like the dudes that we grew up with, right, and there's a lot of my baby and them can't come through oh no, just because we grew up, don't mean we need to hang right now, right.
Speaker 1:and these associations that we allow in our life, that we continue to allow in our life, and we know that they're bad, we know that they don't service, they know that they get us in trouble and we somehow think that, well, because we have history, we have to hang with them. So let me just talk about that a little bit, about these associations and finding the people that you should move forward with. You talked about rooms earlier, and not everybody needs to be in your life forever, right. People that you should move forward with. You talked about rooms earlier, but and and not everybody needs to be in your life forever, right. I mean, talk about that a little bit, for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can tell you a very funny, poignant story. The guys may not even watch this show, but that's okay, I will talk about them anyway. But I was in a music group with a couple buddies of mine from new york. Uh, we had a independent record deal and we were getting ready to be the next. Whatever had talent, had great ideas. We kind of just got hindered by the system. I'll just put it like that. But I came across these guys. I don't think we stayed up as much as we could have over the years, but I reconnected with them and this is me, you know, not thinking about all I said. I didn't have the vetting mindset yet. So I found them, located them, reached back out to them and whatnot, and in a matter of minutes I realized this is it.
Speaker 2:This part is over. We can't bring the temptations back. We can't, we can't do a reunion tour. This ain't, this ain't gonna happen. You know what I'm saying and it had me hit me real quick. They didn't understand it at first. They were trying to keep things going like no, this is I'm. I'm far away from where this, this whole situation, is. I'm not here and you know I had to make a decision. My wife even she noticed it too. I said you know what? I'm gonna get decisions. Go ahead and let the history be the history. I Ain't got to bring it back. I ain't got to do a sequel. I think I do a part seven and a part eight, like on Mission Impossible. Part one was good, it was what it was. I learned a lot. I think they did too. Time for brother bounced on to on to a new story, a new chapter, a new movie, a new book, a new, whatever it was the time for it. Does that make sense? That's the way it was.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you have to let go of the past in order to be able to move forward. The people that are now part of your associations they see you over there and they're like, ooh, now they're questioning your character because they see who you're bringing up in here, I guess, is another way to put it Right.
Speaker 1:It's so important, as we're talking about relationships, because I can tell that you have an incredible relationship with your spouse and you know, maybe kind of talk about the evolution of that and what that has meant to you over time, the evolution of that and what what that has meant to you over time, and you know, when you find the right person that you can do life with and, uh, and as a partner, instead of you know this, this, this person that you know I'm like, I just I'll just let you talk about your relationship fair enough.
Speaker 2:yeah, I mean honestly, you know that's my best friend we, we, we established that we've been through wars together when the whole world the whole family turned on us.
Speaker 2:It was just me and her, literally against the world, and it's been our motto for quite a while. We have a different motto now. We don't think the whole world is against us, even though at that time it was essentially that the entire world that we lived in not the world world, but our world was against us and it wasn't for our good and we fought, battled that and we were in the trenches together and it forged a really strong relationship. Next month excuse me, next week I know our anniversary. She forgets it sometimes. I remember it, though. Our anniversary is going to be next week and it's going to be 29 years of marriage. We've been in the household for quite a while. We got three grown daughters, six grandkids and one great grandchild that are a part of our union together and honestly, I wouldn't do that for anybody else.
Speaker 2:I know people are out there doing date naps and I don't fault you. People are out there hitting the spots trying to find eligible bachelors and bachelorettes. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but for me I didn say to model after, didn't know about being a father, didn't have that option either. To model after. I'm just going to attribute it all to God because I can't put it nowhere else. I can't put it in what I read, what I listened to, people around me who helped. I got to give God the credit. Who would have thought that a crazy Brooklyn kid would move to the South For any reason? Move to the south, find your, your best friend in the whole world there, your soul mate if you will, and be and be able to have a growing family from that and almost a 30-year marriage, and you never even seen that in your lifetime anywhere in your entire family. How do you explain that? There ain't no explanation. So I mean, I don't know how people are finding their situation.
Speaker 1:Everybody's probably gonna be a little bit different, but that's just my story and it's a beautiful story it's oh, it's an amazing story and, as you think of the that, you that you've been able to do that, and then it's okay when you have somebody with you to be against the world. It's not okay when it's you against the world and the person that you're with. You talked about being a dad a little bit, and so one of the things that I talk about a lot in this show, especially when I talk with Black men, is, I believe we all know how important it is that children have dads in their life and it's super important that the dad is available as much as the dad can be. But sometimes what we don't talk about is what does it mean to be a dad? How did that change your life, as you now you know, before life, before being a dad, as you now you know, before life, before being a dad? Then you become a dad and as you grow as a dad, how has that changed the person that you are.
Speaker 2:Well, one of the things that you know I was just sharing about this on another show recently, the when you grow up, like I did, without a father and, honestly, a lot of resentment of resentment, a lot of anger, a lot of questions that didn't get answered, even in his, even before his passing. They would never answer. You know, you, you carry, you carry that stuff around and it's like what was important to me was that I didn't take. It's almost like, if you know and I don't want to use COVID because it's just to bring back bad memories for everybody so let's just say, you have the flu. Okay, we know the flu is contagious, right, you know you got the flu. But you're going to go in a crowd of people, in a room of people, and you're going to hug them, You're going to kiss them on the cheek, you're going to do all that stuff and you know you got the flu. You just didn't tell them about it. That wrong, right? Yes, that's wrong, right.
Speaker 2:Well, for me, that's how I felt about having children. I didn't want to contaminate them because I didn't want to have children. I definitely wanted to have children, but I didn't want to contaminate them with what I had I wanted to get. I wanted to get that situation right first and uh, and honestly, I I didn't get a chance to do it the way I wanted to, which is fine, because this was clearly probably the best way, but I was still dealing with that stuff and still having children, so, figuring the thing out on the fly Besides the Cosby show, I didn't have a picture of what a healthy family looks like. Besides that show, that was kind of my barometer. I even wrote about it in the book, so that's how prevalent that was for me.
Speaker 2:I was trying to learn how to father these three beautiful princesses without having any idea of how to be a father in the first place. I learned a lot of it on the fly. I didn't have people speaking into my life telling me what's the best thing to do and how to do it. I didn't really have any of that stuff. People might look at this and say, oh, I was there. Nah, you wasn't there. Yeah, it wasn't what I needed. Yeah, despite what people might think I need, it wasn't what I needed to be able to do. Yeah, and honestly, I have to give. I want to turn your pockets into something else. But I mean I had to give god the glory for it again because I learned something that honestly they know explanation for how I was able to do that. I mean, our children got their issues, they deal with some things and they're working on their personal testimonies. They're still doing that. But you know, I was a way better father than I ever imagined I could be and still trying to do that right now and I think to some degree some some of them credit me for that. Still, and it's a testimony because I got no background. It's not a book that I read.
Speaker 2:I don't know how it even happened. It just happened over the years through trial and error and through the fire and the important part that we started off the show with wanting to develop myself. If I didn't have that, we'd have had a cluster in this family. It's because I said, you know, I'm going to develop myself. If I didn't, if I didn't have that, we'd have a cluster in this family. It's because I said you know, I'm gonna develop myself, I wanna grow, I wanna be better and not be all the things that the world says I should be, society said I should be. All my even family members say I should be. I want to be who I, who I'm meant to be, who I'm designed to be. So I worked on me and I think our daughters are better as a result.
Speaker 1:So good.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's so much time when we talk about, especially in our culture, we talk about a lot of, you know, men being absent and men not being there, and you know I've met so many men who've tried, you know, whether it's like the, the, the mom who is doing everything they can not to let the dad see it, how that hurts our hearts and stuff, and so I don't want folks to get the idea that being a dad is just, it's a responsibility, only it's our life, it's what we want to do, it's what we want to pour into.
Speaker 1:So, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing that, thank you. I want to jump in because you've mentioned it a few times and it's something I talk about all the time and that is our faith, and I want to kind of know where, how much of your life and who you are today is because of your faith and because of that journey you've had with your father. And so please let me know. You know in your mind how it is, how you've integrated, how you've made it part and how you continue to get, like you've been saying. Give God the glory.
Speaker 2:I started off. My mother and my grandmother were very faithful, if you will.
Speaker 2:My mother and my grandmother were very faithful. If you will, there's an element of religion in that. I've seen that come out from time to time, but I think I would spend a lot of time then trying to be a good person, thinking that that was my ticket, it. And I realized even in more recent years I'll probably say the last 30 years it's been an abiding understanding that my goodness don't move the needle, not when it comes to eternity and not when it comes to lining up with biblical standards. So it's about Jesus' righteousness, not my righteousness. And when I figured that part out, you know it changed the way I approached.
Speaker 2:Every day I looked at my mortality on a regular basis. If this was it, if this was the last week, did I accomplish all the things I'm supposed to be able to do here? You know what I'm supposed to be able to do here. You know, say, and every time I did that the answer was no every time on this self-exploring journey, and so was nor every time. There's still more work to be done.
Speaker 2:Even though I didn't have mentors in my life, there's some mentors that we got, my wife and I through books and through interactions and videos and such and a gentleman by the name of dr miles Monroe, big mentor in our life. We miss him so much. His, his ministry literally changed our lives and even helped us through our marriage in rough spots, and he has two quotes that I always love to share, but one of them is it's too long a quote to try to quote us. I won't. I don't want to pick it up, but I'll just go ahead and give you the quick note. We're saying the richest place in the world is a cemetery. Yes, because all of the songs, the inventions, the books, the ideas, they haven't been created, haven't been made and people take it to the grave with them. And that struck me as okay. You know what? At the end of my story, I want to go to my end empty and not full. So it's why I coach the way I do, it's why I kind of not attack, but it's my mentality, it's just, it's an athletic something. That's how I approach clients and people who want me to work with them, and that's how I approach this.
Speaker 2:If you work with me, you're going to hear this in great detail, because you got a chance of being one of those people who took all the gifts and abilities to the grave with them and you never touched it. There was no time to accomplish those things and you fell short of your purpose on the earth. A lot of folks might love you and be crying at the funeral, but you fell short of your God-given purpose. I try to help folks find that. And at the funeral. But you fell short of your God-given purpose and I try to help folks find that and at the same time make sure I don't lose it myself. So for me that quote has been abiding for me and I stick with it. I try to live it out on an everyday basis.
Speaker 2:His other quote, the second one, I'll end that with this. He says that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. End that with this. He says that when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. So I go out of my way to understand who I am and who I'm supposed to be and to get all the layers that people try to put on you and all the things I imagine for myself. I want to make sure I'm in a place where I'm fully functioning and operating at the highest level of who I'm supposed to be, and if I can do that every single day. I'm always going to be closer to him and closer to that purpose and fulfilling some things than I would be without that, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Amen, thank you. Talk about health a little bit. One of the things that, um, that we know, that you know the average in our case we're talking about Black men live to be 72. I'm 60, and I don't think I'm going to get going until I'm 70. My dad's 86, and he's running track meets. I'm just thinking through what are some things that you do or purposely make sure happens so that you get to stay around here a little bit longer.
Speaker 2:Hmm, this is going to sound crazy, okay, but I talk crazy all the time, so that would be a big deal. And I don't mean to mention coaching, like I'm trying to plug it, I just it's just a good analogy okay, you got a business that you need people to go to and talk to you about I do, man, but that's not, that's not the motivation here.
Speaker 2:I'll make that clear, but it's just like okay. Next question for anything that you want to have clients for you, what you want your business for right, one of the things that help you do that, is not your promotions, not your social media stuff. It's none of that. It's not business cards being passed out of networking events. It's you being used for the people. Yes, okay, what. What area can dr b meet? Whatever can mr you meet?
Speaker 2:And it sounds it's sometimes in my head something be useful. What you mean you want to try to use me. It sounds messed up in my head, but I get it. Though. Where are you most useful? And for me, I'm like I see people who are healthy, super healthy, got great dies and when I guess what it is, yeah, they was that. I'm not saying go eat junk food, that's not. I'm not saying flip that. Conversely, I'm just saying that that's not the answer, the only answer. So for me and this is something that's a recent revelation, like less than three minutes ago they just came to me I'm like you know what I want to be useful to god? Oh god, if I'm used for the god, I can't get. I can't get fired. That's how I look at it.
Speaker 2:If I'm useful to God, if I'm purposeful, if I'm doing what needs to be done, I can't get fired. I can't lose my role. I can't be taken out of here prematurely because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I'm in the flow. I'm in partnership with him and I'm doing what he wants me to do. He ain't going to find me when that's happening. People. People think they're doing that by doing the good thing they're doing when it comes to church and religion, but like you're just doing what you want to do, yes, it ain't. It ain't because even when you think where you think he's at, he's not even in there anymore that box. You try to put him in. He been out that box. He's not even there anymore. Check the box, he ain't there. Look for him, he ain't dead, he gone. You know he done, moved on and you haven't moved with him because your heart's not aligned. It's not his fault, it's your fault.
Speaker 2:So for me, I want to make sure I'm aligned with him, I'm in partnership with him and I'm where he's at. If he's working here, that's where I want to be. If he's working here, I don't want to be there without him. There's a mountain for me to climb. I can't do it if he ain't going with me. Sorry, I'd be without him. That's worse than death itself to be without him. So to me I'm sitting here like, okay, if I'm useful to him and his purposes, I can't get fired. I can't get laid off, I can't get furloughed. Yeah, none of that stuff. You can't not untouchable, but I, I have, I have a place. So that's my goal to be useful, as useful to god as possible. So I don't get let go.
Speaker 1:I love that well with that, I mean and part of part of the responsibility, I think, is on us to be useful, right, because the things that we do when we get up, the things that we do before we go to bed, the things that we do while we're awake, if we're striving to be useful to God and I love how you said that, I mean, that was just so spot on Then what are some things that maybe you do or that you think about in your daily routine? Then what are some things that maybe you do or you think about in your daily routine? And it could be all mental stuff that you're doing, or it could be all servant type stuff you're doing, or it could be do you have things that you do on a daily basis that are looking up and saying this is what I believe God is asking me to do? And there's a difference between hearing God saying asking you to do something, and then actually doing it, because I think a lot of us here, oh, I should be doing this, and then you're out there doing something totally different and then you say, okay, god, am I useful to you? But, yeah, kind of, maybe walk through some of the things you do, or even maybe some of the things you would coach somebody as a coach to do Through a routine through the day that would help them to be successful, what you're talking about yeah, people talk about mind, body and spirit and they kind of throw that thing around.
Speaker 2:I, I feel the same way about it, except I have a different approach to it. Uh, from a body perspective, my wife and I've been on this journey recently where we just kind of cut two specific things out of our diet and not only are we feeling better now, we could be more active without the pain that normally used to come with the activity. We're able to do things that you know. Sometimes you eat a certain way, you go to bed, you feel pain in your body when you're in bed. We're not experiencing any of that stuff and I feel like this is, if we acknowledge this as a temple, you're careful about what you put into it and you care. That's the body part. The mind part, that's where I have the majority of my challenges with coaching clients or people who may not want me to coach them because they don't want to deal with this part, so they bail on me. It's happened before. You know what I'm saying. But the mind part, like I was talking about, the reading and the listening and the feeding myself, that's for me Because even if I'm not, if I don't have a coaching client in that moment. If I did, what am I going to give them? This bottle was empty. I can't pour nothing out. So that mind part is me feeding myself.
Speaker 2:I'm a voracious eater. I'm a voracious reader. I read at a high level, I intake information at a high level because I want to be able to understand the things that I don't understand, so I can help somebody else who doesn't understand either. So the mind part I'll be helping people with habits, daily disciplines. What are you doing? People tell me that they're on a journey to success. They're on a road to success, asking what a day in the life of them looks like. And guess what I see over sleeping, overeating or eating junk food. No activity, no connections, no communications, really, except texting stuff, playing games on their phone. I'm like you're an emotional success you waiting for to come and smack you down or you go. Are you getting after it? No, so we get. So we get into that part of it. So that's one thing that'd be a big emphasis on me if I was coaching somebody who desired to have this kind of coaching, because this is the.
Speaker 2:This is the uh, this is the quiet it takes and I understand that and it's okay. But I'm just I know issue on the spirit part. I deal with that too, but it's different because people think you know what I am and this is something that's going to blow some religious folks minds. I hope they don't come after you. You can send them to me and they come after you. Come to me, I'm willing to hand it. I'm not afraid of this. This is a battle I'm willing to fight. But the spirit part, this is the part that people get wrong. They think, oh, I'm serving at church.
Speaker 2:I used to have nine jobs at church. It didn't afford me any privileges with God. I was just stretched out and tired and busy and burnt out. That's what I got out of that. It didn't make me closer to God. It didn't bring me any closer. That's called duty-based worship. It didn't get me any closer. I was stressed out, issue with my family, sniping at my wife, sniping at my kids, aggravated and frustrated at the drop of a dime ready to snap because I was doing too many things. That wasn't helping God. So people who serve people in the church and say yes to everything the pastor wasn't to do. You're not helping God, you just helping the pastor. Yeah, he knows another thing. There's not the same thing. No, people who are Prone to do good deeds I do this good. Oh, that's my Willy Walker golden ticket. No, it's not. Some days, think are open for you Because you did good things for people.
Speaker 2:People did that in the inscription thing and what did he get them? He's a pad with a rich young ruler. He did all the good things in life and Jesus said you know what you did? Great, but there's one thing you're missing. So all your stuff. Because he knew the money had a hole in the young man. He said give away all your stuff and come follow me. The Bible said the young man walked away sorrowful because he had many things. Translation, the Mr U translation many things had him. That's what happened. That's why he walked away.
Speaker 2:People who are trying to grow from a spiritual standpoint. It's not happening through what you do and how much of it you do, how many good things you do and how many charities you give to. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I don't know how many causes you have that you donate to. I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with that, but please don't think that's enough for you to get what God has for you. That's enough of a tradeoff for you to be in a place where you'd be in a relationship with God. You got to work that, you got to walk in that and for me, I spend a lot of time, my spirit time, if you will, out of those three a lot of that time is me kind of just sitting and listening.
Speaker 2:One thing that I taught for years, years. It never goes over well, and I'm just glad you let me say this on your show, because I'm like, wow, I appreciate the privilege. Man, people go with god. I'm gonna pray. I know people who are cussing, drinking everything. Somebody go and pray. I'm like, okay, let me know how it turns out. The bible says you know what your sin is going to hinder your prayers. Okay, let me know how it turns out.
Speaker 2:Cool, so people pray and they don't wait around for an answer. It's like if I'm talking to you and then, while you answer my question, I get up, take my headphones off and walk away, how's that going to sell? How's that going to fly? That's not how you do people. That's not religion. That's not how you do people. That's not what. It's not dialogue.
Speaker 2:If your wife is talking to you and you get up and leave, you could be in court in in in a short time or have a pan a frying pan on your head. What is the other? Or both? But the point is that you have to take the time to hear the answer. You pray to god for this. You pray to god for that. I've been praying to god all week. How long have? How long were you on your knees listen for the answer? Quiet silence, no noise, no worship music just listening. How long were you waiting for the answer?
Speaker 2:God is a person and when you're talking to him, he's not it, he's not a thing, he's a person. So if you're talking to a person, it's respectful that we ask them a question. You wait for the response, like somebody say how you doing and they walk away. Don't you just hate that Absolutely? Why you ask me how I'm doing? You don't want. If you leave, I can see your back. You're already five feet away from me. Why you ask me that? Why you bothering me?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's the kind of thing that we have to start doing when it comes to the spirit aspect of things Taking the time to sit and listen, sit and soak in whatever it is you're dealing with, that you're frustrated with or that you're crying out to God for, and wait. Yeah, we forgot how to learn how to wait. We just want to have a microwave generation that wants everything fast, everything quick. Give it to me now, give it to me big, give it to me quickly. And everything quick. Give it to me now, give it to me big, give it to me quickly. And it's not how things work. That's not the reality where we actually are. Take the time to sit and listen. So those my three things I would deal with with people who were potentially a client, who want to walk through that. Hope that makes sense. Man, long answer. I apologize, brother no, that's perfect.
Speaker 1:Well, almost perfect, because I know you're not gonna leave us hanging where you. My wife and I took these out of our diet. We feel great and then didn't tell us what it was that you took out, because that's not fair. You know I feel good, right.
Speaker 2:Oh man, okay, I didn't. Okay, my bad, I didn't think people would know that, but for us we were. We normally do a lot of fasting, so we kind of got a sense of what affects us in certain ways and what doesn't. But we just remove starch and sugar from our diet completely. It's kind of a uh, it's kind of a heart, a hybrid of a carnivore not exactly the same. It's a little bit different if we have some vegetables and salads in it, but it's kind of a carnivore hybrid and it really works for us.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying this is something that we invented no, people are doing that somewhere but it was just our thing that we came up with. We started. It worked and immediately I'm talking about in less than 24 hours We've seen a difference in our bodies, how we felt, energy levels, uh, flattened stomachs. We've seen a thing in like 24 hours. So I'm not saying do that, and and I'm putting my stamp on it I'm just telling you what happened in our bodies. Everybody's different. I don't know your life, I don't know how many years you've been putting stuff in there, so that plays a part too.
Speaker 2:Like I said, we fast a lot, so we always were abstaining from certain things over certain periods anyway. So they kind of helped, probably to make the transition easy. But we got starch and sugar out completely. We may, you know, have a day here and there that we might, you know, had that specific thing that we had a, a lunch with our grandson and we had beignets at the restaurant. You know, I haven't had nothing like that in several weeks now, but I had it. I had one, I had two and that was it. I love it. Can't get to my regular thing and we're good. No after effects, no headaches.
Speaker 1:I'm back on my routine and that's the answer man Starts with sugar years ago and the doctors have been just trying to give me just the stuff that was killing me and I finally found a doctor who said take some stuff out your diet, you'll feel great, you know. So I took out dairy, I took out soy, I took out corn, I took out gluten and the processed sugars and I feel great every single day, which is pretty much what you just said starts with sugars. I feel great every single day, which is pretty much what you just said starts with sugars, and it does. It changes your life overnight. It is, it is. I mean you know my A1C was high. Now you would know I had diabetes.
Speaker 1:And I'm not on any meds so it's like oh my gosh, it's just if we take care of this temple that God gave us man, the can go out there and do it just, like you said, be useful. I love that Be useful. So thank you for being on today, but I want to make sure you get the opportunity because I've been super selfish. I apologize. I've been asking you.
Speaker 2:You're on the industry.
Speaker 1:I wasn't so good, and so I want you to tell us whatever it is that we didn't talk about that. You want to make sure I want you to tell us whatever it is that we didn't talk about that. You want to make sure. I want to make sure you give the folks here how to get a hold of you if they want to get that acquired taste coaching that's going to make a difference in their life. However they do, that may be recommended, but whatever you want to talk about the next four or five minutes, I want you to have the opportunity to do that Okay?
Speaker 2:No, no worries. I sent you the link for the people who want to have a free 30 minute strategy. Call with me, no strings attached. I kind of just want to hear your heart, what you're dealing with, and if I can help you solve a problem and you want to move forward beyond that, that's great. If I help you solve a problem and you never want to see me again, that's okay too. Those options are always there. I I have no problem. I have no ego about it. I know I'm gonna provide wonderful one way or the other, so I'm not worried about it.
Speaker 2:So if you want to help folks out, but as far as our social media stuff in our podcast, we started this in 2020 and we got maybe three seasons of all audio podcast. I'll be honest, that's my best work, best I've ever done. I was free than I ever have been. When you're on video, you pay attention to details and it takes you off a little bit, but then on the audio, I was flowing. It was the most insightful thing I've ever done in my entire life. I go back and listen to it and cry. I'm like, wow, this is powerful. You can find all of those episodes from 2020 all the way up to now at theycallmemisteryoubuzzsproutcom. They call me, mr U M-I-S-T-A-Y-U spelled the same way on screen buzzsproutcom.
Speaker 2:Our coaching website is not up yet, but you can still reach out to me and set up a free 30-minute strategy call if you'd like to. Or you can go onto social media. I'm on Facebook, instagram, linkedin, even TikTok, but I don't use it that much Twitter everywhere, and you're going to hit me up in the DMs. If you use those social media platforms and reach out to me, I'd love to hear from you guys. And our YouTube channel also. You can reach out there if you'd like to as well, man. But thank you for this opportunity, drb. It's been fantastic. Man. I really enjoyed being here. Man, you stretched me out today. Man, you stretched me man. I'm stressed.
Speaker 1:I love it. Thank you. Thank you so much for being part of it. They call me Mr. You Go watch that podcast. You are going to find some gems in there, especially when somebody tells you they've done their best work. That's the work you want to go here. You know, some people tell me well, I don't know if I could be a podcast person, well, going to be very good at at the beginning, but once you get in that flow and once you get going, there's going to be some gems in here.
Speaker 1:And so if this is the first episode you've ever watched of the Journey to Freedom podcast, please go ahead and hit notifications and subscribe, because you don't want to miss some of these incredible people. This is not me, this is my God, who's given me the right people to talk to all the time. That just hit it out of the park every time, and you just heard one of those today. I'm going to go back, I'm going to listen to it, I'm going to take notes I got, I just had. I have all these little pieces of papers in it. I'm just writing.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:You're writing notes. I got so many. That's crazy. So thank you for being on. Hey, I don't want you guys to forget that you're God's greatest gift. He loves you if you allow him to, and make sure that you do the things that you know you should be doing in order to become the person. I have a new community that I'm starting this month. It's called Becoming the Person Universe. You want to check it out? Becomingthepersoncom. We are going to have shows like this. We're going to have people like this. We're going to have opportunities like this, where you'll be able to go and become the person that God put you on this earth to be. So thank you, guys again. Look forward to talking to you soon. Any one last thought you want to give everybody?
Speaker 2:No, thank you, Dr B man. This has been a fantastic show, man. I hope people got something out of it. I hope you get many more subscribers and listeners. Man, you deserve it. Man, you do great work. Man, Thank you for this. All right, Well, thank you.
Speaker 1:We'll see you guys later. Have a wonderful, awesome, just incredible day today.