The Survival Guide For Parents

Are you navigating the complex world of raising your grandchildren, seeking guidance and support in the midst of a whirlwind of challenges? Do you find yourself feeling alone, grappling with the weight of decisions and responsibilities that can sometimes feel overwhelming? Are you striving to create a safe, nurturing environment while managing your personal growth and well-being?

I’m Laura Brazan, and welcome to 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity.' Like many, my life changed dramatically in 2022, when the sudden responsibility of caring for my grandchildren fell into my lap. Through the highs and lows, the heartaches and triumphs, I've learned that it’s possible not only to persevere but to flourish amidst life's unexpected turns.

In this podcast, we dive into real stories from grandparents like you, offering a diverse array of perspectives and experiences. Joined by experts like Dr. John Chanaca, we'll explore effective strategies for child-rearing, especially for those who've faced trauma. From emotional and legal insights to financial guidance, we provide you with the tools you need to thrive.

For your free copy of The Survival Guide For Parents- Part 3 go to the link provided. Please visit Chanaca Publishing for more information

Join us on this journey as we transform challenges into opportunities for growth, creating a brighter future for you and your grandchildren. Together, let’s find strength, hope, and community in each other's experiences.

Did you know that in the state of Indiana, if a grandparent has an adult child who gets angry with their parents for any reason, no matter how trivial, the adult child can deny that grandparent the ability to have ANY contact with their grandchildren? Sign the petition here. Your signature matters!

Parenting Is Too Short to Spend It Stressed.

Learn how to turn everyday moments into joyful connection — with zero guilt and zero gimmicks. Visit Parenting Harmony.

Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.

Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.

We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.

Want to be a guest on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity? Send Laura Brazan a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/grg

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Chapters

• 0:00 00:00 Podcast on grandparents raising grandchildren through challenges.
• 7:10 Lifelong menLifelong mentor and teacher of children.tor and teacher of children.
• 14:59 Exploring learning dynamics and fostering student passion.
• 17:33 Children learn by listening, obeying, trusting teachers.
• 20:16 Raising grandchildren unexpectedly is a unique situation.
• 22:46 Is this God's plan? You have choice.
• 28:16 Family stories published in children's books legacy.
• 31:33 Family meals and bedtime reading strengthen connections.
• 33:39 Repetition crucial for children's relearning and patience.
• 36:39 Education strategies don't guarantee consistent results.
• 42:07 Unusual journey into martial arts through church.
• 44:04 Fitness activity became Christian outreach opportunity.
• 48:00 Belief in love, respect, obedience, passion, humor.
• 53:09 Submit stories; journey with Mr. Whiskey.

Transcript

3:09

Are you ready to unlock the secrets to raising resilient super students in today's fast paced world? Wouldn't you love it if a grandparent that you knew, loved, and trusted handed you a book called the Survival Guide for Parents? You'd probably listen to what they had to say. Well. Meet Dr. John Chanaca, the visionary founder for MJ Chanaca Publishing and a renowned educator with over 42 years of experience. Dr. Chanaca has crafted a survival guide that every modern parent needs to read. His personal story will convince you that if anyone knew what they were talking about, it would be John. From navigating the pressures of technology to instilling timeless values in your children, this episode is your ultimate guide to thriving as a parent in the digital age. Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care. We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you. Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored. What truly captivated me about our next guest is his unwavering passion for helping others. From our very first email exchange, his warm and genuine nature was evident. It began with a simple, yet heartfelt, I hope this finds you well. But it was when I delved deeper into his remarkable journey that I was truly inspired. With years of experience as an educator and the incredible honor of being a Fulbright Memorial Fund Scholar to Japan, he's gathered a treasure trove of insights. Listening to his story instantly makes you realize he's someone you'd want in your corner. John, you're a seasoned educator with 42 years of teaching and counseling experience, and you've been a martial arts instructor. You've founded MJ Chanaca Publishing, and. And. And you have a very unique perspective on nurturing our next generation. And that's why I'm so excited to interview you. I'm pleased to to welcome you to our show today. Thank you for coming. Thank you so much, Laura. Enjoy it. Well, let's start with you sharing with us this incredible journey that you've had into the field of education. And maybe you could share with us what inspired your passion for teaching and counseling. Yeah, I've always loved children and always have been kind of a mentor to kids. I had a younger sister and brother, and I kind of. When mom and dad needed the help, I kind of, you know, helped raise and oversee. And I was. It was always, John, would you look after the kids? You know, that kind of thing. Probably because of that and just a great desire to. To teach. I enjoy teaching so much and did that when I was growing up even early teaching Sunday school, like at 14, 15, 16 years old. Okay. Learning with a mentor and so on, and being involved with children. So being around kids was kind of an attribute. I worked at a playground. I used to be at a. I took care of a swimming pool in a park, and there were children all around and they had activities. And I was always there with the leader of the activities, helping him organize camping trips and doing whatever. So children, Children involvement, teaching, it was always part of it. And then I had a big decision to make because I was also caddying, making money. And I met a lawyer who had me every morning. This was Shawnee on the Delaware in Pennsylvania. Beautiful. Fred Waring had a wonderful resort there. Beautiful place. It was a beautiful place. Arnold Pal, his wife there. And there were a lot of celebrities used to come there, but this one guy used to take me nine holes every morning. I used to golf with him, or not golf with him. I golf. I caddied for him and he golfed. His wife would come along and he did this for two years. We would do this. And finally at the end of that, you really get to know someone on a golf course. And at the end of that, he said, john, I'll tell you what I want to do. I will pay your way for school. Brown University. And the only catch is going to be, is once you finish becoming a lawyer, you have to work for my firm. So I had a free ride, you know, free education. He said, I'll pay for everything. You know, I want you to be involved. So I said, oh, that was tough to decide because here I had a. There was a teaching college right in our community. I was, should I be a lawyer or should I be a teacher? You know, it was. And I prayed and prayed about it and so on. And I just felt God's leading, that I needed to be a teacher, I needed to go into education. Now, there has been some times in our early marriage, I Wish I would have been that lawyer. Yeah, I hear you. But I met Jane at the college. We've been married for almost 55 years now. We have three children. We have grandchildren and so on. And it's amazing how God works things out. But, yeah, education. I've been always involved. Went to that teachers college, and that's where I met Jane. And we raised our family there in the beginning, you know, just right in that little community and, you know, then started to get involved in other things in education, counseling, and then moving to South Carolina, also getting involved in the martial arts and moving to South Carolina and starting to publish things for guidance material for schools, public schools. Oh, I see. Yeah. So that's how that kind of love for education and children and getting involved and also working with parents came about. Sure did. Well, then you went ahead and got your doctorate in education, correct? Right. I actually. I love learning and I love going to school. So I had a master's degree in elementary education, had a master's degree in counseling at a master's degree in administration. Public administration. So I, you know, but I. I got out of the classroom after 17 years and got into counseling, and that was very satisfying and very involved and started producing these programs, as I said, Peer Pals and the Super Student program, and just got really involved with the counseling part and got my certification and became a Christian marriage and family counselor. But in that process and so on, I had a chance to get my doctorate at USC here in South Carolina. And so I pursued that. The doors were open. I'm always looking for open doors that God wants us to walk through, trying to be very sensitive and intuitive, trusting my intuition, praying with Jane. Things open up, and when they open up, that's kind of like a door to be able to move through. So, yeah, I was able to finish my doctorate and along with that, produce a program, the Peer Pals program. That was my doctorate. My dissertation was on that program. So how did that. So how did that doctorate influence your approach to curriculum? Well, because of the wide range of study you have to do to get a doctorate in education. You're learning a lot about various learning and how children learn and philosophies of learning and so on. And so I've always been interested in how people change after they learn. In other words, I can teach you something. What motivates you to learn that? Why are you interested in this? How to create passion or how to develop and encourage passion for something? Why are certain kids learning better than others? What are those key aspects of learning? I Found some basic kinds of things that skills that actually can be taught and also can be learned personally as a student. Like what makes a good student? What is a good student? How do you become a good student? Not necessarily from an intellectual perspective, but from a passionate perspective, Correct? Yeah. Let's just say how do you motivate someone? What kinds of things? What kinds of environment do you create? Can you create to have a child turn on to learning, Learning something? What is it? What is the chemistry there? What are the conditions? This is from the super student program. Yeah, yeah. So tell us about that. Tell us about that. How you create that inspiration in a child and in the environment that you're raising them in. Part of it was that trip that I took to Japan and the martial arts background that I had. If you know anything about martial arts, that relationship between teacher and student is very important. It's very prized. When I went to Japan on a Fulbright scholarship there for about six weeks, it was a full paid thing. There were two people picked from every state in the United States. So Japan hosts 100 educators and they roll out the carpet and they take them to elementary schools, middle schools, high schools. Everything is paid for. And what they're trying to do is immerse you into the Japanese culture. And what you would see over and over in the schools is that the children have a desire, and especially in the elementary level, to learn. Learning is a natural thing, but they encourage it. They create the environment to keep that going. And then we're certain things that the children were doing all the time that enhanced their learning. Like, for example, one of the major things that children know, good students know, is I will listen, obey and trust my teacher. I will listen, obey and trust my teacher. Or you could say it, I will listen, obey and trust my grandparent, or I would listen, obey and trust my parents. Okay? That's one thing that they know and they do, you see? But how did they. How did they get that instilled? Do they just repeat it from a very early age? You know, you have to create the conditions. And that's where your grandparents are going to benefit from this talk. Whether you're a parent or grandparent, you have to create the conditions for that to happen. Because if you have no relationship with your children, your grandchildren, and they don't feel love, they don't feel concerned, they don't feel kindness, they don't feel intent, they don't feel welcomed, they don't feel safe, they're not going to listen, obey and trust you. Okay? They're Just not going to happen. So there are conditions that you have to create. There's six beliefs, and there's eight conditions that you have to create to have children use these skills to the fullest. Okay. Whether you're a teacher in a school or whether you're a parent or whether you're a grandparent, these conditions are really important. I know those conditions are probably in your books. Can you share with us briefly what those conditions are? Sure, absolutely. The parent has got to have a desire to want to do this. Okay? Like a teacher. A teacher is a very ineffective teacher if they don't want to teach. A parent is a very poor parent that doesn't embrace parenting, love parenting, want to be involved in parenting. So one of the first beliefs is you have to believe in yourself as an effective parent so that your child can flourish as a student. You have to believe that you can be an effective parent or a grandparent caretaker. You have to believe that you have a purpose and this is a plan for your life. In other words, I don't believe things happen randomly. Okay? So here you are with grandchildren, and that's a unique situation. Okay? It's a unique situation because you maybe didn't plan it. You certainly probably didn't plan it. The mother or the father had some kind of an accident or illness or situation or trauma, and you are there with your grant, you're raising your grandchildren or your grandchild. So that's a shock. You know, it's a shock to your system, and it takes a while to kind of adjust with that. Now, if you're a parent and you're planning to have children, you want to have children, and you go about having children, it's a little bit different situation. But if you are caught in a situation, and I think you and I shared a little bit before, you might say, well, John, you're talking off the tap of your head. Have you ever raised your grandchildren? Well, we do have a unique situation with our grandchildren. We have two sons. Both of them have children. I've got two children from the one. Jane and I have two grandchildren from the one and a granddaughter from the other. So we have three. But because of their work situation, we spend a lot of time helping and raising them and being involved. We live very close to each other. And so we did a lot of babysitting and a lot of doing that. And so that was part. A good part involvement. But even now, as we are living right now, we're in our 70s, we are taking care of our Jane's mother, who's 96 years old, wheelchair, and has dementia. Okay. We didn't plan on that. It happened. It was like, you know, here we were, retired, traveling, being involved, you know, having fun with our grandchildren, and all of a sudden, we were in a situation where she had to go someplace and we took her. Okay. So that's similar to a grandparent situation. But not exactly came with challenges. You didn't understand. Right, Right. The point is, I have a decision to make there. I know you and your husband and I've heard you on other podcasts talk about this. You know, it's a. It didn't happen just like this. You know, it was a. You had to kind of grow into it a little bit. But you have to kind of realize, you know, is this part of your plan? Is this. Is this part of God's plan to have you involved in this situation? And you have a choice. Okay? You have a choice. I hear the word choice all the time on your program from your speakers, their guests, and it's so true. One of the quotes that we have in our book is from Charles Swindoll. I don't know if you're familiar with him, Laura. Charles Swindoll is a famous writer, Christian writer. He's written hundreds of books. But one of the most interesting quotes that he has, and that is kind of like the hallmark of the beginning of our power parenting books, is this. I'd like to read a little bit to you. Okay? Please. He says, the longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me, is more important than facts. It's more important than past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or even skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every single day regarding the attitude we'll embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the only string that we have, and that's our attitude. I'm convinced that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes. So that is a choice, Laura. So I could. Jane could choose and say, well, why did God do this to us? She's 96 years old. And where we are in the prime of our. Of our retirement, we would like to travel and do this and that and visit when we want, pick up when we want. And I've heard you say, and maybe go to Spain and sit on the beach, but no, it's not going to happen. This is the situation. Now. We can be bitter about it, we can be mad about it, we can be angry, we can fight it, or we can embrace it. We can absolutely. And just see where it goes and see how it molds us and changes us. That's what he's saying, is that these things that happen to you are the things that refine you, train you. Yes. I mean, who plans on being in an accident? Okay? So how you react to that is what is important. Okay. How you embrace it, what you do with it, until God is done with you and you die. What's fascinating to me is that we've grown up most of our lives, all of us, going through all this hard stuff and managing youth and the challenges that it brings, but we have this picture. I think often that retirement is going to be a certain way. It's like, oh, I don't have to succumb to the circumstances of life anymore. This is my plan, and this is when I get to rest and relax. Well, I'm here to say that's not the way it happens. No. And, Laura, here's an important thing. That's the way it happens to everyone, okay? No one goes through this life without hurt and injury. And it's like. Life is like running through a briar patch. You know what a briar patch is? Oh, yes. You know, you're not going to get through that briar patch without getting cut and hurt. And so you may even fall down. There's no way you're going to come out the other end unscathed. Okay? So that's. That's the way life is. And how you react to those cuts and those bruises and those falling downs is. Is critical. Okay? You can turn lemon, a lemon situation into lemonade. Yeah. You can have blessing from it. God can enrich you from it. Or you can let it destroy you, rip you up, tear you up, make you angry, mean. And you have zero as a legacy, okay? Because those children that you're involved with, those grandchildren that you're involved with, they're human beings, and they're going to remember every single situation that they see you go through and get you involved in. Okay? Yeah. So I don't know. I kind of got deviated. Talking a little bit about. No. No relationship. I think that was a beautiful passage that you shared with us. And I appreciate. Let's talk about your storytelling has actually been a big part of this legacy that you're leaving. Right. And that's what caused you to develop MJ Chanaca Publishing. Exactly how do you feel that storytelling plays an important role in family values and sharing family values? Well, in our case, all the stories that we have, and we have published 12 books, and I think it was 10 of them are children's books that are stories about our children and our grown children growing up with various pets and situations. Jane has written two or three books. My son Joel is involved in writing in this company, this publishing company, and he has written three or four books, and I've written some, too. But they're all about experiences that the children have had and our grandchildren have had. That's the legacy part. And what a wonderful time when we're around and we read the books and everyone is around. You know, we have a gathering, whether it's a Thanksgiving or birthday, whatever it is. You know, we have the books there. They're available, and the grandkids look at them. They've read them. They all have copies of the books and so on. It's a memory and also is a great stepping point to be able to talk about. Well, what happened when you had that dog, he did that funny thing and you had, you know, he got sprayed by a skunk and you had to wash him. And, you know, my dad was, you know, my dad was involved with that and what did you do next? And whatever happened to that dog? And so it provides discussion and talking about situations, you know, talking type of. Connection that happens when we share our stories with others, don't you think? Absolutely. That doesn't happen through digital media. No. No. Put those cell phones down and look at each other in the eye and smile and give each other a hug and tell about. You remember when we did this and we went on that trip and this happened and that was so funny, and grandpa fell in the water and. Oh, golly, we have a rule in our house. When the grandkids come, they have to put those cell phones away. Okay. I want to visit with you. I want to tell me about your week. Tell me about your life. What's happening? How's your subjects going? What's new in your sports that you're involved in? And on and on. It slows down, too, in a way that we've gotten away from since COVID Don't you think it's useful? It's very, you know, it's very important. At certain times, it's, you know, for safety and all kinds of information. But the truth is, is that, you know, that family was created by God. Okay? That's. That is a sent. Once that family unit gets destroyed, wore down, when there's no communication, no love being shown and demonstrated, there's problems. Problems start to happen. Okay. So, yes. When we're sitting together and you're looking at a phone, a cell phone, smartphone, and I'm looking at one. And what kind of communication is that between us? Nothing. Well, it's different. And a lot of children are raised with that primarily as a form of communication. Then when we're eating, it's so important that we have breakfast together. Okay. It's so important that we have supper together or a meal, one meal together. And put the phones down. Let's just eat and talk and share about the day. It's very important. Or at nighttime, when you're reading, you know, you asked about the books, okay? So you take your grandchild and you read children's books and you talk about what's in there and what happened and why it happened and what do you think about that, and has that ever happened to you? And so nighttime is a wonderful time to read books with kids right as they're going to bed. Jane did it all the time. I did it with her. You know that we did that with our children and seems to have turned out all right. So, yes, communicating and sharing stories, so important. That's your history, your family history. And it's a great way to instill these values in our grandchildren, is it not? Yeah. And yet, Laura, the best way is through demonstrating to your children these values. For example, what values are we talking about? I'm talking about honesty, respect, hard work, patience, selflessness, sense of humor, sincerity, loving kindness, being confident, obedient, trusting. You don't teach those by talking about them. You teach them by demonstrating and showing them in front of your children. Let's take honesty, for example. You're telling your child to be honest in school. Be a good student, be honest, okay? Then they hear you on the phone lying or cheating or talking to the neighbor and telling him a lie, and they hear it and they see. So your life becomes the model, okay? That's what they catch. That's what they see. With many of these children, what I notice, and I can really only speak from my own personal experience, is that even though. Let's take my oldest granddaughter, she's now 8. I've had her since she was 5. In the first five years of her life, she didn't experience much of that at all. And having to reinstill this is challenging because it takes about a thousand times over for her to relearn these basic principles, which she was not taught early on. The patience to do that is worth it. But it's taken me a while to understand that reading those same stories over and over and over and over or sharing new ones are right. The trust factor there, you know, she's going to be very standoffish, very, very afraid until she sees these things being done over and over and over and over and so consistent. That becomes part of her safety program. You know, and the first time they hear, it doesn't even register. It's sort of like you're talking to a wall. Right. So that's the difference I noticed. Just wanted to mention that in case any of our listeners are wondering, it's not like a miracle that happens overnight when you begin working with these kids. No. And they're. And they're all different. That's, you know, you could take. I've seen this over and over and over, working as a counselor where grandparents would come in to the school, many grandparents, I think you said 2.6 million grandparents are actually raising their kids and it's growing all the time. And I think you're right with those statistics. But as a school counselor, we many times would have grandparents come in to counsel and talk about their kids because they were raising them okay. And there would be children from the same family, sometimes even twins in some situations that we would. And one would react one way. I mean, they're giving the same basic kinds of things going on in the home. You know, one reacts one way and the other one reacts another way. Okay. And that's kind of interesting because you say, well, why? I'm doing the same thing. You know, they're seeing the honesty or respect or they're seeing this. Why is one child so mad and the other one is compliant and seems to listen? Well, because they're different. That's why. They're different people with different personalities and they make different choices. So you can't own your child or your grandchild's total behavior. You expect them to react the same way you did when you were raised? No, no, no, no. And these things, by the way that I'm talking about these conditions and the beliefs and the strategies you would use to try to have your child become a better student, they won't work 100%. I can't tell you that. You know, if you do all this and every Single time. You're going to have a great, super student. You're going to have a wonderful kid. It doesn't happen because the child will make decisions along the way, okay? And they will decide to give this up when? I don't know, maybe one year, two years, maybe they'll be grown up and they finally wake up, okay? They finally wake up. Say, gee, my grandmother, you know, Grandma Laura, she was a wonderful woman. I don't know what the heck was going on in my life when I was 8, 9, 10, and so on. I'm 23 years old now, and I'm starting to wake up and understand that she was so precious to my life. But I didn't see it, and I didn't. Well, that's on her, okay? But she finally woke up. There are some kids who never wake up, okay? They were troublesome children. They were troublesome teenagers. There were troublesome adults, and they never wake up. The one speaker, you had the one guest. Sonny. Sonny Von Cleveland. Yeah. Okay. He woke up. Yeah, he woke up in prison, as you're still. He finally was reading. He was reading Victor. Victor Hankel. Let's see. I don't remember the name, but I remember he did mention Franco Frankl. Victor Frankl. Victor Frankl. Yeah, yeah. Famous during the Holocaust and so on. And he said he was reading so many other books that finally he woke up. He had a significant emotional experience. That's what he had. And that's what children in these situations have to have. You don't have change in your life until you have a significant emotional experience. In other words, something inside of you wakes up and says, oh, I get it. I woke up. I understand now what I've been doing, and it's wrong. I got to change. I think about how God never gives up on us, but how many times we don't listen to what he has to say or those instincts, you know, they get that come along the little bird on our shoulder that we don't listen to until one day we go, oh, that little bird's been telling me that all of my life. But it just dawned on me. Exactly. And that happens for different people at different times. And for some people, it never happens. And we have to accept that. My father is a great example of that. He was like Sonny Van Cleeb. Same situation where he had a terrible childhood and a terrible teenage and young adult situation. And then all of a sudden, he changed. He woke up. I asked him once, I said, dad, you had such a terrible life and terrible situation. Why? Why did you change. He said, when I finally had you, John, my first son, I said to myself, I'm not going to have my son go through what I went through. Yeah. So that was the wake up time for him. That was that significant emotional experience. He, he changed. So change is possible both for grandparents and for learners, for students. If they finally get to the point where they say, I've got to do this, I have a desire to do this, I want to change. I need to know what to do to change. I hear many stories. Parents that spent their whole lives, devote their whole lives to raising their grandchildren and one day they become a teenager and they do a 180 and start making some really bad choices. And it's very grievous for us because we think it should happen in our timing. But that's part of letting go. You can only do what you can do, the best you can do. Okay. That's right. And if we've shared that message with them, I think that's the most important thing. And if we know within our hearts that we've done everything we can do, and then letting go, letting go and letting God. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. Because you have to live with yourself. You can fool me and I can fool you, but you know, I have to live with myself. So that's what you need to know. True. If you don't feel you're doing everything you can do, well, change that. Right. We can change it anytime. I even tell my granddaughter that because she got the message even at a very young age, that when we get to be old people, she calls me an old person, that we can't change. I said, that's wrong. You've been misinformed. And I'm here to tell you that's not true. I'm a perfect example. How do you feel that your martial arts philosophy contributed to your counseling approach and your educational strategies? Yeah, the martial arts. Our journey was kind of unusual. Our children. My oldest son was friends with someone in elementary school, a child who his father was a minister and he was also in Korean martial arts and as an outreach with his church in the evenings for young people who wanted to learn about the martial arts and also maybe get rid of anger and just, you know, he had like a kind of a school in their gym. And his son asked my son if he would like to come and join and be involved. So he did. And I went by, of course, because I wanted to check this place out, make sure. And I was always interested in martial arts. But I watched him do this, and I watched him teach. You know, the teaching part I'm always interested in. And he was very loving and kind and very. Just a wonderful teacher. Very interested in his students and compassionate and so on. And he saw how I was interested, and he came over and he said, well, it looks like your son is really interested. How would you like to be involved? And I said, really? And he said, yeah, why don't you come along? And we, you know, we work out twice a week. And so that's how it started. And by doing that, it was a very disciplined thing. All the bowing and the respect and the involvement, the training and so on. So both sons. Both of our sons got involved, and I got involved. And it was like a journey for us. We did it together. We worked, we practiced at home. We went to these tournaments. And so it became kind of part of what we were doing and a fitness kind of a thing. And it also became kind of an outreach for Christian ministry for us, too, really, because once we started to develop skills and enjoy that teacher student relationship that I was talking about, they especially started to invite other kids. And through that, we met lots of people, and so our testimony was being shared. Then we moved to South Carolina, and we were just about ready for black belt time. And there was no instructor in the town that we lived. And so the people who were involved in this organization said, why don't you start a school? You're a teacher now. You can get your black belt and start a school. I said, I don't have time for. I'm teaching and publishing these things. And he said, well, maybe in the evenings you could do something. So we started very small in our backyard, and pretty soon it grew and grew and grew. And we had over four years of teaching. I had 12 black belts. And then we continued. I had to put them to work. And so we got them involved. And so, just a long story short, we were involved for over 20 years, and I had over 700 students. Wow, John, that's amazing. And so it just were teaching. You know, the other black belts had jobs. They were getting paid for it because we were charging, which we were charging tuition. And so it just grew and grew and grew and grew and grew. And it got to be quite a big school. And then I just gave. When I got tired of doing it, and I was in my late 50s, I just. I gave the business to my son, my one son. Oh, really? Yeah. So he just took it over and worked with it for another four or five years. But we Met hundreds and hundreds of people through that. And it just reinforced the whole idea of the teaching that I'm talking about. The skills about, you know, listening, obeying and trusting and thinking along with speakers and being prepared for their work and giving their best and finishing all their work and working out problems with others and having a healthy, positive attitude. Those are basically the skills that, that all good students use and know and all teachers look for those skills, those in their students. Okay. That. That's what a successful student is. It's not a kid who makes A's, but it's a kid who does these kinds of things. And then as a byproduct, good things happen to them. Yeah. Let's touch on your survival guide for parents. Before we wind this up, I'd like to hear more about it and what it offers the grandparents that we're speaking with. Or two. Okay. It's a way to improve your children's life and the environment that they live in with love and kindness. And along the way, you become a better person because you're demonstrating these values and using these strategies. Along that way, then you're able to teach those super student focused skills to your kids. So there's eight beliefs. Believing in themselves as effective parents, that they have a purpose and plan for their life. That you've been chosen to embark on this incredible journey of parenthood or grandparenthood. That you believe in your child's potential and that you believe in a positive attitude that's important in your life. That you believe in being loving, respectful and hard working and that obedience and trusting are skills that set the foundation for success in school and beyond. It's also believing that being a good and successful student is more than just academic achievements, about using these core values and character traits that lead to success in all aspects of your child's life and children's life. And most important, about believing and having a passion about your learning and improving your own life as a grandparent. In other words, people who tune into your podcast, they're listening because they want to learn something here. Other people's journeys and they want to improve their situation with their grandchildren. So those strategies of cultivating genuine love and security in that family, of being passionate about their parenting, about fostering mutual respect and decision making with their children, about embracing change together with their children, mastering patience, about being patient and learning and staying optimistic and light hearted, a sense of humor for them. They don't have a sense of humor as a grandparent or a parent. They're gonna have a terrible situation, terrible the kids are gonna feel that. So you laugh when you make a mistake. If you make a mistake, you say, I'm sorry. And so embracing those kinds of things would help teach those focus skills that we talked about. Then your child's willing to listen to you when you say, you know, I want you to listen, obey, and trust your teacher. And that's going to be a very important key focus skill for you in school. I want you to raise your hand when you're going to speak in a group. And I also want you to think when other people are speaking in the classroom. I want you to listen to them. You need to be prepared for your work. You need to give your best, and you need to finish all your homework that your teacher gives you. I want you to work out problems with others, and if you can't, I want you to come to me and talk to me about it so that we can share. And most important, I want you to have a happy, positive, and healthy attitude. And I hope you see that in me as, as. As your grandparent, as grandfather, as your grandmother. So those kinds of things will work on your child. And then they have to make the decision to do these things or not. That's their responsibility. And I want to. Those are wonderful words. And I want to remind everyone that's listening that oftentimes these things are characteristics that we're nurturing within ourselves at the same time, things that we may have forgotten over our lifetimes. And it's important to share that with the children, let them know I'm learning this too, along with you. Right. There's nothing wrong with that at all. That's important. A survival guide for parents. And we can find that on Amazon as well as on your website. That's correct. Our website is mjchanaka publishing.com and we love to have, by the way, any of your listeners that would like to sign up on our. On our webpage, I'll send them a free copy of part three, which is we have part one, part two, and part three. And I'm working on putting all those parts together. But part three has just been published and I'll send them a free copy of that. Thank you, John. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom and your story, which I believe our stories really are the greatest way that we can touch each other's hearts. I appreciate what you're doing, Laura, and just keep up the great work on this podcast. I just hope that so many grandparents will find it and it'll be a great source of information for them. So many, so many wonderful people on your podcast. Thank you. Thank you, John. For your free copy of the Survival Guide for parents part three, go to mjchanaka, that's C-A N A C A publishing.com or follow the link in the show notes. Thank you for listening. Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Nurturing Through Adversity. I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Next week, what do you call a man who has survived child abuse and neglect, commanded two nuclear submarines, born a name reminiscent of a spirited drink, and maintains an unshakable faith larger than life at the age of 32? The answer is Mr. Whiskey. Journey with this US Navy veteran, author, preacher, podcaster, speaker, comedian, voice actor, dog, dad and more as he opens the book on a life overflowing with both unimaginable darkness and profound redemption. Despite facing emotional, verbal, domestic and religious abuse, Mr. Whiskey was thrust into one of the military's most challenging roles, a position marked by a high suicide rate, only to be separated due to medical reasons. Struggling with the transition from the military and grappling with an identity crisis that felt like Living two lives, Mr. Whiskey faced trauma head on. His short life has contained an abundance of harrowing topics suicide, trauma, failures and religion. Yet from this he carved a path of recovery and empowerment fueled by a powerful desire to serve others. As the founder of two impactful podcasts, he channels his journey into spreading mental health resources and the word of God. Mr. Whiskey has weathered the storm of suicide, depression, anxiety, addiction, military trauma and more, emerging with rebuilt dreams and a rebranded life dedicated to mentorship. Tune in next week to explore his inspirational narrative and continual suffering transformed into hope, empowerment, peace and good health, and discover how this remarkable story might just illuminate your own path to healing and growth. Thank you for tuning in to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Nurturing Through Adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you, and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.