The Making of A Winged Hero and the Grandmother That Raised Him

Are you a grandparent navigating the unexpected challenges of raising your grandchildren, seeking comfort and understanding in the face of loss or family upheaval? Do you wonder how to nurture resilience and hope in your grandkids while struggling with your own emotional, financial, and physical limits? Are you searching for meaning in the everyday moments of caregiving and longing to connect with others who truly understand how isolating—and transformative—kinship caregiving can be?

I’m Laura Brazan, host of 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity.' In this podcast, we showcase real-life stories and expert advice for grandparents and kinship caregivers. In Episode 91, “The Making of a Winged Hero and the Grandmother That Raised Him,” we sit down with Lyubim Kogan, a five-time first-generation immigrant, 9/11 survivor, and founder of wingsforheroes.org. Lyubim shares the profound impact of his grandmother’s unwavering love and resourcefulness, revealing how the ‘grandma system’ of kindness and silent presence turned trauma into a world-changing mission to help amputee veterans rebuild their lives.

For more information about Lyubim Kogan or to donate to "Winged Hero's" please visit his website.

Discover strategies for overcoming adversity, building relational legacy, and offering unconditional love—even in the face of overwhelming odds. Learn how kinship caregivers can lead by example, teach core values, and create enduring hope for generations to come. Join our supportive online community and connect with others who understand the unique joys and hardships of raising grandchildren.

Subscribe to 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren' and find the strength, wisdom, and resources you need to transform challenges into meaningful growth—for your family and yourself.

Kids on the specturm have the most imaginative minds. They can say the silliest things. My world can get way too serious. Sometimes the best thing to do is "get on the train" with them! Here's another fun Self-care tip with Jeanette Yates!

Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.

Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.

We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.

Want to be a guest on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity? Send Laura Brazan a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/grg

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Chapters

• 0:00 "Soviet Communal Living Memories"
• 7:10 Child's Solo City Adventures
• 13:01 "Skipped Grades, Studied Math"
• 22:12 Raising Grandchildren Without a Playbook
• 28:14 Grandparent Reflections on Family
• 36:11 Resilience Despite Loss
• 41:06 Grandparents: Lifelong Impact Recognized
• 43:58 Author, Speaker, Leader in Crisis
• 49:43 Veterans, Recovery, and Resilience
• 57:55 Pain, Resilience, and Survival
• 1:02:38 "Charity Costs and Misuse Exposed"
• 1:05:31 "Building Legacy Through Resilience"

Transcript

0:00

This week we Revisit Lubeam Cogan, five time first generation immigrant, 911 survivor and founder of wingsforheroes.org to discover the source of his remarkable resilience. Lube, who helps amputee veterans rebuild their lives, credits his success to his grandmother, a woman who taught him to lead when there was no system, no money and no applause. Lubin reveals the grandma system, the core principles of resourcefulness, discipline and stability that allowed him to thrive through trauma and build a world changing mission. Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren through adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. As we navigate the complexities of Legal, Financial and emotional Support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of Kinship Caregiving. This conversation is about the powerful, enduring legacy that Grandparents can create. This podcast was made especially for you. Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored. Welcome back to the podcast. Our guest today is someone whose life story is a masterclass in resilience and turning personal trauma into a global mission. We're thrilled to bring back Lubin Kogan. Last time we talked about the incredible work of his mission, wingsforheroes.org but today we're diving into the personal foundation of his strength. His Grandmother. She instilled the bedrock of his success. Lubin is here to talk about how her everyday resourcefulness became his Strategies for rebuilding after catastrophic loss. This conversation is about the powerful, enduring legacy that Grandparents can create. Lubim, it's wonderful to have you back. Thank you, Laura. Thank you for having me back. I'm really, really excited and I know that we're going to have an amazing conversation today. Tell me about your Grandmother. Tell me about rules and beliefs that your Grandmother ran her house by, what she instilled in you and what that picture was. Life. I will tell you what the picture was like and I wanted to start it with this, that I was having a really difficult period of time when I was, when I lived in Colorado and I had a registered investment advisory firm and. It takes a lot to run that business. And I remember I was listening to a tape, Brian Tracy and he said that if all the people in the world took all their problems and put it in one pile and then evenly divided it and distributed around all the people, then most people would say, you know what? Have this back and let me have my problems. Because I really actually like what I had. And I thought that one of the things that I think would add a lot of value for other grandparents to hear. What I put my grandmother through when I was little. Would it be okay if we talk about that? Yes. I need to hear that. Okay. So my mom was killed when I was 1, and at 3, I went to live with my Grandmother and my grandfather. My grandfather got hit by a motorcycle, and he had a really bad break on his leg. It was an open wound. And when they put him in the hospital and they put his leg on the stretcher, they overstretched it. And then it got infected. And then at some point, the hospital told my Grandmother, look, you got to take him back, because there is nothing we can do with this infection. So they just dismissed him and he went home. So my childhood, I remember that she was taking Caregiving of him and he was bedridden, and he would scream her name like you could hear it across our apartment. And we lived in the Soviet type of communal living ghetto. If you look. If you walk into our apartment and you go, like, further from the door, you go all the way in. There was an old lady who lived there, and she had this big case of stuff under the kitchen table. So we all had one table. So it was one old lady living there. Then the next door was a Grandmother with her grandson. He was older than me, and we fought all the time. I still have a scar somewhere. He left me a scar since the childhood. We were pulling a toy, something, and he pulled it back and he whacked me in the face, and he opened it, and so I got a scar then, right? And then division was like. It used to be one apartment, and then they moved, in our case, four families in there. And they just put the doors. Like, the doors that would go from one one room to another. It was a divider between the different families living. So if you go closer to the. Door, tell the audience for reference what part of the Soviet Union we're talking about. And I would always sit next to a Single woman. Because when the kid is sitting next to a Single woman, nobody would know, nobody would question that. So we had the old lady, another Grandmother, with her grandson. I was living with my grandfather and Grandmother in the room next to them. And right across from our room was the room where my aunt and my uncle lived or my Grandparents, kids. 1978. Okay. So at that time, you know, they had the communal living. I don't know if you've seen it on TV or not, where they place a lot of Families in one apartment. So we had the old lady, another Grandmother, with her grandson. I was living with my grandfather and Grandmother in the room next to them. And right across from our room was the room where my aunt and my uncle lived or my Grandparents, kids. I'm three years old, I open the door, I sneak out of the house, I get on the trolley bus. And I would always sit next to a Single woman. Because when the kid is sitting next to a Single woman, nobody would know, nobody would question that. So if a lady gets off, I would find another lady. And that's how I traveled all across the city. They constantly kept putting these locks on the door and they would go higher and higher and higher. And I would find a way to get to the highest lock, open the. It was like a door chain. I would open the door chain and another one, another one door lock and bye bye, I'm done. And I always remember that I was caught by young girls. They wore those red pioneer ties. So there were maybe 10, 14, I cannot tell because there was so little. And they would catch me and they would either bring me to a bank or some institution and the institution would call the police and police would come and get me. And was the scarf a signal of. It's, it's, it's identification. It's identification because it was Soviet Union, it was structured path to Communist party. And you had to be a part of that to go to the next level. And you know, the level after the red tie was the level that was necessary to be accepted to university. So if you were not at that level, it's a brainwashing and structure that everybody is belonging to one organization and whatever that organization says is the truth. So they would turn me into the police. And I remember my Grandmother would come and she would start dressing me in this, like this. They're like these gray or brown leg ties. And I thought they were so ugly. But she would dress me and she would take me home and I kept escaping And I imagine how much stress I put her through now that. Oh yes, in order for me not to go out, she would take my shoes away. And then I started to go out barefoot. So barefoot. The locks, the lack of shoes, not, none of that stuff would stop me. But she was really kind, strong willed child. So my Grandmother was taking Caregiving of my grandfather and she spent her life working in the Soviet Union paper factory. And you can imagine that there were no quality control, there were no, no health codes, nothing. And she had a lot of health issues. So he has health issues, she's taking care of him. And I had the best life ever. I would go out in the morning and I would not eat all day. I would come back in the summer, it gets dark late, but I was the last one to come home. So she gave me freedom. I don't know if it was intentional or just because she didn't have the energy, but it was the fact. So we're living in this communal place where there are four families and I am always gone because my grandfather is always in pain and he's screaming for her and she's always running to take care of him. And after they discharged, she had her hands full. But that's basically what my childhood. She was really busy taking Caregiving of him and I had the freedom to go out and you know, it was really difficult to get me back home or find me. Were you angry or happy? From what I understand, if a baby loses a mom or parents, both parents, then you either close in or you act out. So I acted out, but I don't have, I'm not, I don't have anger, personality. I acted out as a ADHD kid that you could not just calm down. All kids are dressed up and they have flowers and they have chocolates, which in the former Soviet Union was a big deal. Like I didn't know what chocolate was. Yeah, you know, we had those candies that were like toffee kind of. That's, that's all we had. And like having real chocolate it was not. But they all come with flowers and dressed up. And I was not dressed up. We were really, really poor....I have a Grandmother. And I made it a point to skip school. And I skipped nine grades of the whole school until the very last year when the Soviet Union broke up. And I realized that being an athlete is history. And last year of school I actually got tutors. And I studied 10 years of math in one year. And it was enough to come to the US and actually finished to go to NYU and get a finance and accounting degree. So one year I studied really hard, but nine years I didn't. And up to the first grade, up to age seven, I had complete freedom. I could go anywhere, anytime, never come back home. So she was really kind. She was not. So you knew though. Excuse me for interrupting. You knew that to get out of the Soviet Union that you had to finish this math work. And so you put your head to. Was clear that sports are over. When it was time to get serious. You knew that was your only way out. I knew it was my only way moving forward, whether I stayed or whether I went somewhere, I. I knew that I had to get serious and it was a personal choice. And I skis in the corner because they canceled all the training camps. The national team was not disassembled, but they let everybody go. And they said all the international competitions are canceled. And I really. I shut down the blinds and they went away for a year. But that takes determination. And not every child. Has that kind of determination to get out of where they're in. Don't you think? I think I always had self awareness. I think that growing up without a mom made me grow up really fast. So I always knew what I was doing when I Was skipping school my last three years. I was going to the school for the Olympic reserves. We had a special school for athletes where actual academics was to the minimum. And the rest, the time was left for training. And when there is no training and nothing is going on. I knew, and I kind of knew that we would go to the United States. At that time it was really quiet, Hush, hush. You couldn't talk about it. But we had a family trip. We went to Moscow a year before that same year. Yeah, before we graduated and we applied for the asylum and we actually were granted the asylum. So, you know, it was just a matter of time when we would pick up and move to the United States. So. Well, excuse me for interrupting your story, because I know you were telling me something very important about your Grandmother. I think that again, you know. So I lived with her from 3 to 10. And. I don't remember ever being reprimanded. I don't remember ever being yelled at. I remember her being upset, right, that she couldn't find me and it's midnight and I left without shoes and I didn't eat anything all day. All the things that grandparents worry about. But I don't remember being punished. I don't remember being put in the corner or having to do something. She was a simple, simple lady who worked all her life in the factory. And my dad had a brother, and him and his wife lived in the same communal apartment. And I actually found out just recently. I saw them last winter and they said, look, first three years you lived with us in our room, and then you moved into the room with the grandparents. But I remember it was just one room. It had this heating device which was. It was really nice, you know, it was really, really big. And it had the big eagle on top of it. And my grandfather was a physics teacher he went to through World War II. And after World War II, he came back and he became physics teacher. And after he retired, they gave him this reward, big eagle. And it was standing on top of this eating place, and there was one little tv, one little couch where he was, and that's it. An empty space. And judging by what I didn't have, even compared to other people who had nothing, we like, had less than nothing. Yeah, she let me do whatever I wanted to do. And I think it was the best thing because when the school started, then I remember feeling like the loss of that freedom that I had all my childhood from three to seven, which is when you're a kid, it's significant portion of your life. It's more than half of my life, and then one day it disappears. But I remember those trips when she got me from the police. She was always upset and I was making her life really difficult without even trying it. Yet at the same time, I don't think I got anything than Unconditional Love. And I actually called my Grandmother mama, so my dad called her mom and I called her mom. We had the same. We had the same mom in real life. And I think just that fact that she was my mom, it says a lot about our relationship and about her. So that background, that example led you to be a leader yourself. Which, when there was no system for you when you came to this country, how did all of those life memories, how did the example of the person that she was, the woman that led fiercely, that didn't punish you, that gave you the freedom that you had, how did that translate to? How did her attitude and hard work and not seeking the applause, not wanting the recognition, become the fuel for the missions. In your life that became your life? I think it's, you know, I watch how people raise their kids right, and it's a lot of nos to lots of things, even the things that they do themselves. And if you think about the position that you are in Raising your Grandchildren and your listeners are, and my Grandmother was she. You're filling the void, you're stepping in where there is no system and nobody's telling you what you're supposed to do. It's one thing when you raise your kids, but when you raise your Grandchildren, it's a completely different relationship. It's a different structure, and it's so relatively uncommon that nobody's going to give you a playbook and say, look, this is how you do it. Because I believe that when the Grandparent raises a Grandchild, it's not the same as the Parent raising a child from both ends, from the Grandchildren and from the Grandparents is that example. You know, it's like you say, lead by example, but I'm sure she wasn't leading in her mind, but she was just doing her best. She stepped in, in the place. So they could have sent me to an orphanage. You know, there was another choice, which would be, I think, terrible. And I had a home. I had somebody who cared for me, somebody who fed me, somebody who got me from the police after I got caught in my adventures, somebody who was always there. And I Really, I was 10. It's 40 years ago. I don't really remember her, like, speaking to me, having conversations. I Remember when I would get hurt, she would sit there next to me all the time. One time I almost. It's the other time not when I was fighting with my neighbor, but we were sledding and I hit a kid who had ski poles and he hit me in the nail with a ski pole. And that went on for so long. And I remember her sitting there, like putting. Stuff to my eye, using sliders to make cartoons for me on the wall. That was my memory because we didn't have Soviet TV. You had three channels and cartoons were like at 7pm and one time on Sundays in the morning, there was a time when you could watch cartoons. Shishila made me like movies, you know. So here she's. I have to sit and cover my eye and put that ointment on my eye, which was not really a pleasant thing to do. It was painful. And we sit there with the projector. She would be creating movies then. First grade of school, I was always trying to do sports and I started breaking my collarbones really early. And with that it was always trips to the hospital. I broke my collarbones left one six times. So it was going to the hospitals. And I remember her bringing, like always. She was always dressing me. That was her thing. Like you cannot be called always dressing me. I would always lose gloves and she would create these strings that would hold my gloves that even if I leave them somewhere, they would be just hanging. So in my memory it's a silent angel who is always there, like trying to protect this....and she's taking care of my Grandmother. And then she's taking. I'm all beat up and bloody and she's cleaning me. But she was always there, you know. And it's that silent presence of an angel of somebody who is. Who decided that she would take care of a grandchild and no Discipline. No. I don't remember being yelled at by her. I don't remember one time that I'm sure that she got mad and she yelled at me, but I don't remember that. I remember her doing, taking. She would take care of my Grandmother and she would take care of me, but she never took care of herself. So I think one of the things that we really need and you know, what led to When I was 10, my Grandmother passed away. And then she couldn't. She didn't have a reason to keep the energy up. And when she went down, she died in just few months. She just burned. She had a lot of health issues. It was just endless. And after she died, I had to go and live with my stepmother, which was a hell of a chapter in my life. But, yeah, the first 10 years, or from three to 10, it was amazing. I remember that she did all she could for me. And the only thing that they said no to is that I couldn't play accordion. That's the only no I remember from my entire childhood. What that brings to mind to me is that I think as Grandparents. We feel we have to do something to. Correct or make up for the loss of their Parents. And yet what you're telling me, what I hear you telling me, is that just being there, just being that silent presence. Although I do think it's important that we teach them manners. But I even notice I've had my Grandchildren almost four years now, and. A good part of who they are is who they're always going to be. You know, the hyperactiveness, the creativeness, the stubbornness. We are good examples. We're a happy Family. We're. Playful Family. We do our best to teach them good manners and how to be around adults. And yet they are still, after four years, they still are somewhat who they're always going to be. And yet I think as Grandparents, we feel like we need to make up for something. We're always critical about ourselves. My husband and I even have this conversation the other day. I thought of this when you were talking about how she just keeled over and died after her Grandmother died and you were taken care of, I guess. But I said to him, are we ever going to have rest or are we ever going to have rest before we die? You know, I think of the other week. I'll confess, I sat in the bathtub for two hours because I just needed to close the door and be by myself. And I felt so guilty about it. Why? My husband was well, because I never do that. I never take the time. I mean, I take pretty good care of myself. I'm conscious about my health. I'm always teaching the children what's healthy for them. But they're still gonna do what they're gonna do sometimes. They're still gonna be kids. It was just Halloween, you know, they caught them hiding candy in their bed. And I feel, oh, haven't I taught my children not to take things they haven't been given permission to? Do I think, where have all those lessons gone? But that's what children do, right? Just like you wanted water, you're gonna go find it when you want it. But I think I'm more critical about myself as a parent than I was when I was a young parent. I had the same feeling, you know, that you have gone through it one time, so you upped the standards. But I have to tell you, I got suspended from school all the time. I got expelled from school every grade but the eighth grade, this one year that I was switching schools and they gave me the best. You turned out okay. They gave me the benefit of the doubt. I don't think I turned out okay. I have manners. I was taught manners. I don't remember again, we're talking about from, you know, three to 10. But after that, nobody. I mean, when you're 10 years old, it's really too late to teach you. So I was taught manners. And until this day, I hold the doors. I get up when older people come on the, you know, if we're on the bus or whatever. I have these things that I was taught from early childhood, even though I don't remember. I am really well mannered. I know how to behave. So what I'm saying is that energy that I had, they put me into a prison that they called school. So here I have freedom. And then they try to contain me for the best part of the day. And I don't want to sit here because I don't understand why now, if we're in a situation when we're in society. I think I was an excellent Grandkid. I would listen and I would behave and I knew how to be and I knew what to do. Because, you see, my Grandmother had a sister. And in the summers I went to spend time with her. She was also my Grandmother. And you know, when I moved to. When I was 10, I moved to a different city where the other Grandmother lived. And I did spend an extensive period of time with her. She taught me all about the flowers. She would walk me to school or summer camp. I knew all kinds of Educational Support. I knew all the flowers. We would walk by a garden, she would be, this is this, this is this, this is this. And she told me about all different things. And I really love spending time with her. She didn't have her kids, so my mom, my Grandmother, who I called mom, passed away. And then there was her younger sister. And I went with her. She was the chief auditor for the city hospitals, so she was highly educated. And I remember she would teach me things. And I remember more her younger sister, because I was older. And I remember she was so kind. Like, she would buy fish, the live fish, and she would put them in the bathtub because she couldn't kill them. So they had to die in the bathtub because she couldn't do it. Well, I know it sounds ridiculous, right? Because in the United States, you don't do it. But we're talking about Soviet Union in the 70s and 80s, and there was. You know, it was. I don't even know what to call that. But they were sisters, and they were both really kind, and they spent a lot of time with me. And I think that the manners that you teach them. So here I am. I am volatile, right? Nobody can control me in school, but when they come home, I listen. So would you say that maybe kindness was one of the Single most important assets that came from your Grandmother? I think definitely. And your aunt. I think it was definitely that. Because you could go with force, right? But you cannot control me with force. And we're talking about from early childhood. That's one thing that doesn't work. That physical punishment did not scare me much. I was like, okay, beat me up. I don't care. You know, when we were children, I mean, if I did something really disobedient. I would. My grandfather, may he rest in peace, would take a belt to me. You know, he only did it once. I only remember it once. And I think it might have hurt him more than it hurt me. But we came from a generation where parents, my husband's Family, would make him choose the willow branch to whip him with. I mean, I don't know that as a child, maybe you may not do something again because you're terrified of being beaten. But you talk about that angel, you know, needing that angel over you. And I do think that that's something that no matter what, that if they experience that feeling from a Grandparent, that comes back forever. Is how I remember. I don't remember. Like I told you, I don't remember the voice. I don't remember the talking. I just remember the aura, the energy, feeling somebody who is really. Now I know. Knowing what health conditions she had, she was really sick. And she's taking care of my grandfather, who's. He's bedridden. And he was always. She was always next to me. She was always like. You know, it's like, if I'm falling, she's catching me. If I'm making mistakes, she's there. If I get in trouble, she's there. If anything happens to me, you know, she was always there. So as grandparents, I think you fill in that void. You know, I. I cannot speak for other people, you know, or other kids, but there's something that happens, like when you're 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. There's. There are always parents. There's always mama, you know, who's holding you, who's hugging you, who's over protecting you. It's how our society functions, you know, that moms take really, really long time of their babies. We have a really long period until we become adults, you know. You know, we made up a number, but from 1 to 18, it's a really. If you compare to animals, it's a really, really long time. So. That main person in life who is supposed to protect you, love you, just, you know, hold you all the time, you know, pick you up when you fall down and you're crying, that doesn't exist. So that's a big minus and it's a big less than in a baby that is developing. And yet I grew up not angry. You know, I get mad at things that are not fair. Like, I have this issue with things not being fair, but I don't have anger issues. I'm not angry that my mom died and not angry that I had less than. I'm not angry that I made, you know, I made our first time. I went out of the cities when they made a regional team, and I show up in the gym and the coach says, look, you got to go put on your running shoes. But I didn't have running shoes. You know, I had only one pair of shoes. And so. Even though you cannot give to your grandkids things that are material, just the fact that you're stepping in and you're filling that void, I think it's more than all the material things that they can get. And I think I'm really patient. I am really patient. I can be super patient. And I think back, and I think, first part of my life is still unconscious, going into conscious part of life. I had her, and. She was a silent angel in my life, and she became my mom. So even though your Grandchildren may not call you mom or dad, you know, your Grandparents, you are their Parents and. Your Parents, and they're saying that probably the most important thing is just the fact that there's someone there to protect you and be there for you. No. Whether they can provide for you material. Things or not, it's even simpler. It's that there is somebody is there for you. Because if there are no Grandparents and there are no Parents, then you're. Nobody needs you, nobody wants you. You know, you become that feeling of not being discarded yet, that discarded persona that. That nobody came. Okay, something tragic happens to Parents and there are no Grandparents, then there is the state. And I. But if you don't have Parents or Grandparents, you don't have Family, then you just. You will be. You will have that unfillable void for the rest of your life and feel. I understand what you're saying, and I do think that that feeling of being wanted and. Being loved unconditionally. And knowing that you're not just there because you don't have any other choice, right, Is an important feeling to implant in a human being from a young age. And I think we talked about it at our first conversation, like there is a reason why that happened in your Grandchild's life. There is a big reason. And unfortunately, you will not be able to see that reason. And instead of that, they made a choice and they're Raising me. That awareness doesn't exist. So whatever feelings that kids, babies have when they lose their Parents, you get that. So you get a lot of, let's call it for the lack of a better word, like that suppressed negative feelings that comes out, and it comes out towards you, but it's not directed at you. And with knowing that you are that caretaker, you became their angel for a big reason. They needed whatever you're teaching them they need those skills 10, 20, 30, 50 years down the road and when you are gone, they will always remember you and they will thank you but you will not hear it. So for all the Grandparents who are Raising their kids, I am the kid or grandkid who grew up and now 45 years later, I understand what you did and I am the way I am because my Grandmother raised me and I think all the manners like you talked about the manners like I was a troublemaker in school, but yet I'm well behaved and well mannered grandkid when I am at home and with her. Well, thank you for that message. Thank you. I know that and I hope that others hear that as well. Because I do believe we may pass this life before having an opportunity to be thanked when our grandchildren are 30 and 40 years old. Because I myself am 68 now and my six year old grandson. Will not be as old as you probably when I pass, who knows, God willing I'll be around to hear that from him. But if I don't, we need to....the purpose that your Grandmother instilled in you is now being paid forward to countless veterans. And that's a truly powerful legacy in itself, A beautiful legacy. Would you share with the listeners that didn't hear the first episode that we had together about Winged for Heroes? So just. For those who did not hear our first conversation, I immigrated to the United states back in 92 and I had a lot of big dreams and goals and I spent 20 years working really hard and I accomplished more than I set off to do. And then. In 2015, so 2014, I had a chance to co author a book with Steve Forbes and it became a bestseller. The next year, I was invited to speak with Brian Tracy at the United Nations Headquarters in New York. And I was one of the youngest people, if not the youngest person in that room. And I thought that this is now my time to cash out on all the hard work and sacrifice for the previous 20 years. And instead of that, I chose to take over a failing nationwide infrastructure company back in Ukraine right after the war started in 2014. So I went to do the work with exactly what you have right now. You know, there was no system, there was no playbook, there was no salary, there was nothing except that the war just started a year ago. And I grew up in the 70s....sending its youngest and its future to fight in some foreign land. And it had no system. And I always wondered, why would a system that take them and send them some foreign place when they come back, why would that system not only Support them, but abuse them? I saw a lot of veterans abused when I was growing up, and I watched it almost every day. I saw it happening because they would all get drunk at the end of the day. First of all, they were really cool to the kids. I did sports. And there was somebody from the veterans always in my mind throughout my whole life, helping me get stronger, get better. ...the nighttime comes, they all get drunk, the police shows up, they have fights. And that thing repeated every single day. The police never hit them too hard to end it because they repeated it tomorrow. But it was like an ongoing, it was systemic. It wasn't just a weird thing that happened once in a while. It happened every night, probably every single night. And we would wait for it as kids, you know, you don't understand, you know it's coming, so you just wait outside until it happens. And it happened....the veterans are just, you know, they're being discarded, the system uses them and then they just throw them away. And I always knew in my mind that I would do something. And when the full scale invasion started four years ago, the US Embassy said, all Americans, get out. We will not help you if you're there. You got to go. So I ended up in Turkey. And here in Turkey, I had this idea. I fly paragliders for people who don't know that it's just a little plastic bag over your head and you have few strings and you have no engine, no fuselage....it would be great to take combat veterans that had amputations because there are a lot of them, and bring them to the beach in Turkey, have them spend here a week. And the highlight would be that we're going to send them off the cliff. Because when you're going off a thousand foot plus cliff, your subconscious mind thinks that you're going to die. And all other problems, they disappear....And the governor of our region, his father actually worked for me. And I kept his father working until he passed away. And when he passed away, his son came and he said, l if you would have let him go. Like, his wife died, all the kids grew up. He's by himself at home, nothing to do. But he had this work that. He's one of the original guys. I think he was with the company for 40 years before it became. What it is now. But he was great. So he was doing his work and they just kept him there and he was really thankful. So when I got this idea, and now the son is the governor, and I called him and I said, look, I have this idea. I need an entity. We're gonna go off the mountain. So he called me and he said, okay, I will find you a guy. Call these people. They will get you a guy. And on June 18th of last year, we flew our first veteran. He came with his girlfriend. Now he's 23, but when the war started, he just turned 20 ten days before. And he volunteered. He didn't have to go because draft age is 25, but he volunteered and he sent him to fly drones because they don't like to send young kids to the front lines. And he said for five months he was writing letters. He was writing letters to be transferred to an assault brigade. He was transferred to an assault brigade. And in one of the assaults, he got hit in the leg and they amputated his right leg. And I know that your listeners don't see a logo, but if you go on our website and you see our logos, he's actually our number one. He's a real person on all our logos. And that was last year. Now this year we had our season opening in April, and he has an open invitation to come to every opening of the season and the closing of the season. And he came back and he actually brought a deaf veteran with him. So besides having amputees, now we have a deaf guy. And I took our number one to see my physical therapist and she looked at his leg and she said, look, he is in big trouble. He's going to lose his only one leg because he's a big guy, he's six foot tall, he's from a village, just really meat and potatoes, hard working kid. But because he puts all his pressure on his left leg all the time, his muscles are shrinking and they shrunk to the point where they were pressing on the sciatic nerve. And the sciatic nerve is the one that runs from your hip all the way down to your foot. And she said, he makes one wrong turn and turn and he will be paralyzed. I said, what do we do? And she said, you have to bring him here for intense physical therapy. So we not only strengthen the muscles, we lengthen them. And we also have to work on the amputated part. Because unfortunately in Ukraine they don't have a level of physical therapy where they spend time working on what's left on the amputated side. And I said, when do we need to bring him? And she said, it would be great if you can stay, but you don't have more than one month. And that was a hell of a month trying to raise funds and bring him here. But I did. And the only way I could do it is if I was scheduling. I was driving him, I was his training partner. And we got the whole month of rehab done for $4,000, including flights, including housing, including food, including 12 personal physical therapy sessions. Olympic coach, swimming, cycling coach, also two Olympic games with the Turkish national team. So I have a really good team of people who supported him. He lost 10 kilos. That's more than 20 pounds. He gained muscle on both the amputated side and the real leg. And you know, Laura, here comes the part that I think is from my Grandmother in Turkey where they have only two holidays a year. And when he was here, it was the second holiday. Everything closes. You can imagine if you only had two weeks off a year. Nobody works. It doesn't matter. Religious, not religious, they all stop and they get their well deserved rest. But he is here and for one week we need to continue physical therapy. So my physical therapist hands me rubber bands and she shows me the exercises. And then I had to be there and I had to hold the bands. Just like my Grandmother was dealing with my grandfather's leg. I mean, it's a really humbling experience when you are working, holding a band and you are holding it against the amputated leg. It's just like it's right here. You feel it. But I did it because that's what she did. And it never crossed my mind, you know, I've never, never crossed my mind that, oh, I have to do. Maybe we'll wait. It's okay. He can go to the beach. No, I was told, here are bad bands. Here's the exercises that you have to do. This is how you do it, and you do it. And I did it. And I really didn't think of it like anything special. It was needed to be done, and my grandmother did what needed to be done. For years when I was growing up, she was dealing with my grandfather's leg that instead of healing it, they really messed it up. And for years, she had to do it. And I remember she was sitting there with her hands squeezing pus out of his leg, and she would put the alcohol in it, and he would scream. He would scream. You could hear it, like. And I was sitting there looking, you know, like, what's going on? And, you know, here is your. It's. It's all. It's. It's not what you say. I think it's what you do. It's what you do as grandparents and the fact that you filled the void. You said, I am here. I know I want to have my life, but this is the life that I choose. This is my mission, and I'm going to do it. It's okay to have thoughts, other thoughts. We all do it. And it's okay to have regular baths. So, you know, if you need the permission, I think you should take more care of yourself and get away, because that's how you recharge, you know, you recharge and you come back okay. Do you know it was like eating. It was like eating a whole box of chocolates at the same time. When you get done, you go. Wow, I really thought that would have more meaning than it really did. I mean, it was really great, really decadent once. I doubt I'll have to do that again many times in my life. And I usually don't have time to sit down and take a bath. I have to jump into a shower and get out quick, quickly, you know, because somebody needs me. But it was okay. It was okay. And I send that message out to all grandparents. If we do something that is totally decadent and selfish, it's all right. I don't need to do that. I would feel ridiculous if I did that. But it's like, you want to taste what people that are living retired lives are like. And that's what I remember telling my husband. We were going to a wedding that night. We had a babysitter come went out to a wedding. It's the second time since we've been here. That we've been on a date, which is more than I had before. We've lived here now since June, so two dates in less than six months is pretty impressive. We had. Two dates and three years, but here I have family and friends and neighbors that can help. And I said, you know what we'd be doing if we were retired? We would have had a cocktail, we would have gone somewhere before the wedding to have an appetizer or drink somewhere. Right. I would have spent an hour getting ready with no interruptions. And, you know, I think about that life and I know that's what we could have right now. And it feels. It feels meaningless compared to what I'm doing. Okay. You said it's nice to be with you. It's nice, but it's meaningful. I mean, it's meaningful. And if I could do it, and to those who can, I think it's wonderful. But I am saying that I got that for two hours. I had a really good look at it and I went, you know, this feels more meaningful. I'd rather not have time to sit in the tub for two hours every other day. So you're not bored? You know, you're not bored. A lot of people at the second, the later part of life, they're really bored. They have nothing to do. If you think about what an average retailer does in the States, they spend most of the time watching TV or scrolling now everybody's on Facebook or whatever. You don't have. People don't have that quality of life. So in the sense you see when you get those moments, they're super special for you. Now you have family around, so it's a little bit easier. And I think that, you know, from what we started, just imagine like when I was growing up, my grandmother. Was taking care of her bedridden husband who was always in pain, screaming her name. We were in one apartment with three other families. We were so poor that she couldn't afford accordion lessons or group lessons in the Soviet Union. It was cheap, but she could not do it. And then she had a three year old or a grandchild who's starting from three until she passed away. Had to go somewhere, you know, had to go on adventures. And. Yeah, I know that your paper, like my paper card, hurts a lot more than our number ones being amputated his leg, right? But like, yeah, I just think it's like, how can you function and survive when you're taking care of your ailing husband and then you have a grandchild and you have three other families living in your space. We didn't have hot water, Laura. One time, I remember we had to. She had to boil these huge buckets of water. And one time I ran in front of her into the bathroom and she tripped and she dumped that whole boiling water on my back. I mean, it all was, it was, it burned. I had bubbles. It was long, painful recovery. But like the conditions that we lived in. Is nothing there. You cannot even, I don't think you can recreate those conditions in the United States. It's not possible. It doesn't exist. It cannot be. So for those who are really in really tough situation, say, look, you are, you were chosen to raise a grandchild and you are doing. This is like a big mission. You know, I don't know if some people are spiritual, religious or whatever in any way you are doing. You're doing a job for two of two generations alone. And you should give yourself a lot of credit. And when you need a break, it's okay to take your two hour bath or go away or, you know, just have time for yourself. And with the grandkids, you're doing your best and they will turn out really good. They will grow up really, really good people and. Always trying to do more. I think you can get in the way of you enjoying your labor. You know, just, I think it's important to tell yourself, look, I'm doing my best and that's all I can do. I cannot do better. And if that voice starts chattering, you need to do more. And just say, look, stop. I cannot do more. And what you've done is not that. It's more than enough. It's like you are saving that. You're saving your grandkids and you're teaching them, you're showing them that love and the care and that unconditional love. You could have said no, you know, and nobody would really blame you. But you chose to do it. And you were given that opportunity that not many people will have in their lifetime. I have an opportunity to take care of wounded veterans who protect us all. Look, the bullet that the Ukrainian kid stops could have hit an American. It's the same bullet. It's flying from east to west. The bullets always fly from east to west. He volunteered to put himself in that position. My grandmother took care of me. We lived together. She showed me how you do it. You just do it until the day he dies. When he dies, then you go. That was her situation, but she did it. She didn't live one year after, after he passed away. She never got a Break. She never got the chance to take care of herself. What else is there? What else is there to say? No? It's like you are doing God's work or universal work or name it, whatever. You believe in. Yeah. And you guys are awesome. You're really awesome. Like, I really was looking forward to seeing you. He said, we're talking about your grandma and I you. My grandma was. Thank you. My, her name was Mina and I called her mom. I was telling my husband about you the other day. He always is interested in hearing who I'm going to interview that day. And I told him that I want to get over to Turkey and bring my granddaughter over because I think these expensive experiences for these children to see. Someone and care for someone who isn't doing as well as you are with all of their challenges, there is always someone who is dealing with more than you are. So your story as well, your incredible mission. At wingedforheroes.org, we will provide the links in the show notes. And I really hope that everyone listening takes a look at your amazing project and what you're doing. The world needs more examples like you. You know, Laura, taking time. Thank you. I just want to just little addition. You know, I'm an accountant by training. So after I did this, I added all the numbers and we came up with a little more than $4,000 for one month of rehab with everything. And then I started digging into the numbers and seeing what other charities for veterans do. And I can say this right now, the reason I did all this work by myself, so I know the exact numbers and what they need. And when I looked at what charities do we have a charity industrial complex that uses people's kindness to enrich themselves. I have better results than charities that have $100 million plus in the bank. And my question is, if you have so many problems, how can you have hundreds of millions of dollars in the bank you can take care of all these people. So when people are giving money to anybody from now on, I say don't give me any money, but just go see and look at the numbers and what is going on around you. And you know, on our website we have T shirts, the one that I'm wearing and we have hoodies. I added $40 to cost 100 of those will pay for one month of full rehab of a veteran. And I open all my bank statements for anybody who supports us. Once a quarter you can look for all our bank statements. We have a hundred percent transparency because my grandmother didn't raise me to take advantage of people who are suffering. I was raised to help people and that is from early childhood. Childhood. Go help. Go help. Go help. Go help. Go help. Go help. Well, you heard it from the horse's mouth people. I know what kind of a person you are and what you're doing. And Ivan, I gave a small donation myself and I can't think of a better way that I spent my money that month. And I encourage everyone listening to do the same. And check out the hoodies and the books online that it's all on Lubeam's website. It's all on Wings for Heroes. Thank you for what you do. I love you all. Thank you. You're really awesome. We love you too. Without you, there would be a lot of babies that would never fill that void. And because the view that void is small and in some cases I hope it's gone, it's filled with your love. And if you're not raising grandchildren and. Yeah, if you're not raising grandchildren and you're listening and you give money to nonprofit organizations, think about giving to wingforheroes.org thank you. Thanks, Labim. Thank you, Laura. See you again soon. I hope so. Lubeam's story is a testament to the fact that most successful systems start right at the kitchen table. Just being there for our grandchildren is enough. So this week I challenge you to consider what is the single most valuable piece of relational legacy you're building for your grandchild. Please share your thoughts with us in our online communities on Facebook and Instagram. And if you'd like to, please feel free to email us on our website to our listeners. You can find out more about Lubeam's incredible mission at wingsforheroes.org that's wings and the number four heroes h e r o e s dot org we will have all the links and resources in the show Notes. Please subscribe and leave a review to help bring this essential conversation about resilience to more caregivers. Next week, how do you turn childhood trauma into a system for extraordinary success? Next week, Nate Turner returns to the podcast attorney, author and TEDx speaker who beat 8 of 10 adverse childhood experiences because of his grandmothers. Nate shares the core lessons from his past spiritual anchor and financial rebel grandmothers that became the backward design blueprint for his life. We'll explore his concept of the relational legacy, how grandparents can instill discipline over immediate gain, and the exact system he used to create generating financial health for his own son. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you. And I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.