Two Amazing People Can Exist At Once: Why Being Alone Is Better Than Fake Friendships| Khadijah (S1:E9)

In this episode of To All The Girls Out There, I’m joined by a very special guest — my little sister, Khadijah — for an honest conversation about self-worth, friendships, confidence, loneliness, and staying true to yourself in a world that constantly pressures you to fit in.

We talk about the reality of feeling different from your peers, navigating school and college, and why being alone is sometimes better than forcing friendships that don’t align with your values.

Khadijah opens up about spending much of Year 10 alone, the lessons she learned from that experience, and how she eventually found genuine friendships by refusing to settle for connections that didn’t feel right.

We also discuss:

🩷 Self-worth and building confidence from within

🩷 Learning to be alone without feeling lonely

🩷 Friendship struggles and finding your people

🩷 Peer pressure and staying true to your values

🩷 Internal vs external validation

🩷 Why confidence isn't arrogance

🩷 Emotional regulation and learning not to react to everything

🩷 Why not everyone has to like you

🩷 Navigating friendships as a teenage girl

🩷 Trusting yourself and embracing who you are

📖 Resources Mentioned:

• Research on emotions and emotional regulation 

• My episode on friendships and choosing the right people (on private podcast)

• The quote mentioned in the episode: "If a blind person couldn't see your appearance, how would they describe you based on your character, energy, and the way you make others feel?"

One of the biggest reminders from this episode is that two amazing people can exist at once. Someone else's beauty, success, popularity, or confidence does not take away from your own.

If you've ever felt left out, struggled with friendships, questioned your self-worth, or felt pressure to change yourself to fit in, know you're not alone 🤍

If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a girl who needs to hear it and leave a review — it helps the podcast reach more girls who need these conversations.

contact📞: contact@toallthegirlsoutthere.com
website👩🏽‍💻: toallthegirlsoutthere.com

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Transcript

To All The Girls (00:02)

Hey beautiful, welcome back to another episode of To All the Girls Out There. I hope you guys are all having an amazing day. Today we have a guest that is kind of close to me, I guess, or may or may not play an important role in my life. Anyway, I wanted to have today's guests on because of the way that they carry themselves. They carry themselves very well and with respect.

even when the world and the your peers or their peers may look at them weirdly for doing so. And ⁓ so I believe this person has persevered through a lot and also I've heard through the grapevine. I don't know how true this is, but people call this person an it girl. I have to emphasize on I heard. This is apparent. I don't know. But anyway, today we have

My sister woo

Guys, she's wearing glasses 'cause she's weird and she's wearing her secondary school tie.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (01:07)

to be taken seriously.

To All The Girls (01:10)

If you see her right now, it's a joke. Think of Nico when he was running for mayor. That's what she looks like.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (01:20)

I look legendary.

To All The Girls (01:21)

Anyway, how are you feeling, Khadijah

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (01:23)

I'm feeling great. How are you feeling, Fatima And why are you feeling good?

To All The Girls (01:27)

Yeah, we've been supposed to record this like a very long time.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (01:30)

time. You can

first into how long now? two weeks.

To All The Girls (01:35)

And I think it's

worse when you live with the person because it's like, we can do it whenever. But anyway Hey ho. Huh?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (01:41)

Good night.

I don't live with you. What you talking about?

To All The Girls (01:46)

Nothing. Anyway, Khadijah.

So when I did the intro and I was explaining how like growing up in this generation and having different values or different ways of, you know,

being or different ways of life like and being able to keep to that when everyone is following the masses. I know it's something that you have and still do maybe struggle with. I just wanted to ask you, what do you feel like you struggle with the most being in this generation right now?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (02:23)

I don't want to say not following the crowd because I don't really follow the crowd anyways but it's more like comparing yourself to like other people and not in the sense where like ⁓ I want to be like you blah blah blah it's just like

Sometimes people be doing certain stuff or they laugh at certain stuff and they do things and it's like I wish I found this funny or I wanted to partake in these things but I don't really like that's not me and it's hard when there's like a lot of people like your age that like that kind of stuff or like they do

To All The Girls (03:02)

Yeah, a little bit. So you're kind of saying, ⁓ it's not it's just that because so many people like a certain kind of thing, you don't like it and you don't really force yourself or fake it to like that thing. But because of that it still means that you are left out and you kinda wish that, ⁓ I wish I did like it. I wish I did enjoy it. Because Yeah, because then if I did I would be able to, you know, engage with you guys and

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (03:16)

Is that?

Yeah, I wish I did, exactly.

And

this is not me saying I'm better than anyone or anything like that. Obviously you like what you like, but there's just certain things where I can't... This is not me.

To All The Girls (03:39)

Mm.

Can you give an example of like some of those things?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (03:44)

trying to think of a good one, like a proper example.

Like this is not like a hate to anyone that goes but going to motives That I don't that's not like I see videos and say wow you guys look like you're having fun But I know that if I was to be put in the motive or like there whatever was doing all of that kind like Stuff, I wouldn't enjoy it But I could maybe but that's not my kind of scenery

Especially now that I've joined college, you hear people talking about it over the top. you're going to this AP? there's party, there's motive, blah, blah, blah. And I'm just there like, see, you guys seem like you're having fun, but this is not a bit of me because the things that they're doing there is just like, no. If it was just like a normal average party, then maybe. But I don't partake in those kind of activities. So it's kind of like, well, I wish I liked it, but I don't.

And even it's just like,

more like smoking, drinking, like I don't even, you know me I'm really picky as well, like I don't even like energy drinks or like alcohol and people we go out to college, oh we're gonna go smoke this and blah blah blah, it's just like oh. Guys I love your, I like your little side quest but I don't smoke so I don't business you know.

and another thing, dating as well. these people talk stages, this person, person, I don't partake. So it's just like, yeah

To All The Girls (05:10)

So do you feel like you found people in your generation who have similar mindset to you or

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (05:21)

Yes, but no at the same time. Like, for example, my friend, my closest friend, Louisa, I love her so much, but she is, she has like the same mindset as me, but I think it took her a bit of time to get there, if you get what I'm trying to say.

But there are some people...

But then there's people that they have morals and they have like, they're things that they know they should do but they just get so caught up in following the wrong people that you don't really see that. Yeah.

To All The Girls (05:54)

Mm. Mm.

'Cause like you said, it's so easy to have things that you don't like and things that you know is not for you. But there's some people who will still know that and still go and do it. Do you get what I'm saying? what is it do you think that makes you not go to do those things?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (06:24)

Cause me when I don't like something you can't force me. Genuinely like I can't even when it comes to people if there's someone that I don't like I can't sit here and pretend to like you either. Like if I don't like something you don't like something and it's not by force you must partake in these things just because everyone else is doing it. You know know you don't like it so why would you go and do it? So I just like yeah.

To All The Girls (06:47)

Mm.

Mm. But I just feel like sometimes it is easier said than done, isn't it? Like for us, I think we've always kind of been like that. But

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (06:54)

industry.

But it's

from childhood as well because mommy and stuff.

To All The Girls (07:03)

Yeah.

Yeah. So I feel like for some people it is a bit different because people just don't want to be left out. ⁓ people don't want to feel left out. People want to ⁓ fit in essentially and I feel like especially in that time of secondary school, you know, everyone's just trying to find their tribe.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (07:14)

Mm-hmm.

Bye.

To All The Girls (07:29)

and it's a dark era, people will if you're not strong enough and if you don't have that mindset, people will come for you, you know. And nobody wants to be that person.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (07:39)

But it's also a thing where your morals and what you like and what you don't like have to be stronger than your desire to be liked.

Like if there's a bunch of people that you know you don't really like, they don't align with you, I wouldn't sit there and befriend that person just for the sole purpose of me wanting to be like part of the crowd or not be lonely, you know? I think you should be able to like sit alone by yourself if you know that there's people around you that you don't particularly like align with or really like, like that.

To All The Girls (08:16)

Mm-hmm. Yeah, and that's why there's another thing like I do want you to touch upon, but I know can be quite a sensitive topic for you. But I just want to speak about that moment in time where

you know, you don't have a lot of people or don't have a lot of friends, yeah. ⁓ because there might be some girls out there who don't have friends or who have trash friends, you know, so yeah, can you speak more about that time, please?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (08:46)

Alright

so in year 10 there was the time in life where... let me just say this again. Year 7, year 8, year 9 times I had a friend group right?

To All The Girls (08:52)

Yeah.

Okay,

wait. Let's just so year seven here in the UK, your seven starts at the age of eleven years old. Up to year nine f is your fourteen. Yeah, fourteen. So I don't know how that is in any other grading system but I can just explain the age. So eleven to fourteen years old basically. Yep, go on.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (09:07)

team.

From

that time period I had a group of friends but when it comes to friendship groups I've always had like one person that I'm actually close with and the rest is just like I don't really I don't dislike them but they're not really my friends like that I'm mainly in the friendship group for that person so year 10 comes around and that friend group kind of starts like splitting into their own little thingies and I just got to the point where it's just like well I don't really

I'm not going to say I don't like these people because I did like them but I don't really have a close bond with you guys and I don't have the desire to have a close bond with these people so I'm just going to take a step back.

and be alone because it's better than forcing something. I don't like to force things ever like in friendships. If I have friends, I will have friends. If I don't have friends, I won't have friends. And that's what ended up happening. So year 10, I was alone for most of the time, like lunch and break times, I even walk around or read or something, which I probably should have done something more productive. But hey, I walked around and did absolute niche. And yeah, that was my year 10 because I just

To All The Girls (10:25)

⁓ yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (10:29)

thought like well I would much rather be alone than be surrounded by people that I know I don't really like and I don't necessarily connect with just because I'm scared of looking lonely or scared of being lonely. So I just sat by myself and eventually I did end up year 11 making new friends.

you some friendships lasted some didn't but I did eventually end up finding a group of people that I ended up liking so in like time as time goes on you will end up finding your people which is why I would never sit and make friends with people that I know I don't like because I'm scared of being alone yeah

To All The Girls (11:16)

How did that time feel for you in year 10 when you was alone?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (11:20)

It was sad. was really like, sometimes I would literally come home and cry because for me it was just like, it wasn't like, I've never in my whole years, five years of secondary school, I've never had any problems with anybody, never had any, and no one has ever, well, as far as I'm concerned, ain't nobody said they didn't like me. So the fact that I was nice to everybody and liked by everybody was, and still had no friends to me, for me was kind of like...

Well, what's going on here? Why am I alone? Because I'm not... Of course, everyone has their flaws, but like, I'm me, you know? Why am I alone? And then I realised, you know what? School is just six hours of a day. There's 24, and then I have my sisters at home. And it's not even like I had no... I had friends. I just wasn't with them in school, which made no sense either, but...

To All The Girls (11:57)

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (12:15)

Life is life, you know, you end up finding your people eventually. So yeah.

To All The Girls (12:19)

Mm. And that's

what that's the thing that's so important and I wanted to highlight because

Girls will think, ⁓ yeah, I'm gonna be lonely because I don't ⁓ like I don't wanna be around people that I don't align with and think it's gonna be some easy thing. It's not. No like at the end of the day you want connection, you want to have friends, you want to be around people. This is not about, hey, I want to be lonely, I don't wanna have friends. But it's just about knowing yourself and knowing your values and your morals and your energy as well. Because if you're constantly around people that you don't like that

that

suck so much of your time and so much of your energy. And like I said, for Khadijah in that time, like I know it wasn't an easy time. Obviously ⁓ me being her sister when she would come home, I know how it felt for her. But at the same time, because she had those morals and those values, she knew that, hey, I don't want to be in these friendships and it's not in the way of

⁓ I'm better than you or anything. It's just like we don't align and if I'm with you for all the time during break and lunch like I will feel drained at the end of the day. And that's an important thing to know and to remember. but yeah, to those girls out there who are lonely in Khadijah or, you know

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (13:49)

Or if you're in a friendship group and you don't, I don't want to say don't like the people, but you don't necessarily bond with them, just go solo. Like I remember my year 7 to year 9 friendship group and it was funny and it had nice times as we had. I used to sit there at break a lunch in silence half the time.

like genuinely and they were nice people they were cuties I like them but they just weren't my people and that's okay but it's okay to be alone I feel like people these days have issues with finding comfort in their own company which is pretty sad because I think my company is probably like the best like you know being alone being alone is therapeutic like this I should be able to sit alone and

To All The Girls (14:28)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (14:34)

be fine, like be okay with I think you should be okay to have comfort in your own company.

To All The Girls (14:40)

Yes. I think it's something that's very important. But how do you begin to take those steps? Or how did you find comfort in your own company?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (14:56)

Just find other things you like or find like other outlets of happiness like reading. I love reading. If you are going somewhere and you know there's people that you don't really want to talk to bring a book. Bring a book and read or if you're going school you have no friends. I don't know if you like drawing bring a sketch pad draw whilst you're alone. Bring a book. Read.

Solve Rubik's Cube. There's so many things you can do. There's so many hobbies out there that you can pick up or talents that you can pick up whilst.

not you know that family has always said this to me like you have like you don't have friends you don't have anything to do right now so make use of that time you know do something with that time that you have because there will come a time where now you have friends and you're going out here and you go in there and you don't have time to pull things into yourself so do things be like do something yeah

To All The Girls (15:57)

And make use especially if you're in school, if you're in secondary school, use your teachers, use the facilities that you have. If you're just one student, I'm sure if you're into music, your music teacher wouldn't mind accommodating for you in their music room, or if you're into I don't know, like you are going to your art teacher to paint or sitting in a classroom. Like I don't know, but make use of those things that you have. Those are also important. Khadijah, you know what else I wanted to ask you though? You know.

for example, like you said you was alone in school all the time. That fear of looking dumb, how was that like and how did you navigate that?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (16:43)

You see, my fingers with the the people's, like, you just go as...

say this in a nice way.

To All The Girls (16:52)

Ha ha

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (16:56)

The people there

How do I say this in a not rude way? basically you just shouldn't care what other people think because they might think you're dumb for walking around on their own but who's dumb because you're sitting with people you don't like? You're sitting with people, I'm alone but you're sitting, you're there and you don't even like the person that you're sitting with. You're sitting there knowing this person is gonna go home and tell your business to the whole world or they're gonna talk about you or they're gonna do this, they've done that.

To All The Girls (17:19)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (17:33)

I'm not doing that. I don't have to deal with that you do. So you can sit and think I'm dumb, I'm stupid. You can think that. Think what you want. Because your opinions of me is your own. Like that's not mine. Like that's not my property. That's yours. So if you want to think I'm dumb, you can think I'm dumb. But if you actually sit and think, ⁓ well this person is talking about me. This person is talking about me. This person's... All these people you're surrounded with like are telling your business or doing up nonsense.

You will understand who is the really dumb one. Cause it's not me.

To All The Girls (18:08)

No, it really goes like that. You really have to think like that. And again, it's one of them things where it's not fully easy still.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (18:09)

Yeah.

Mm.

We also just have to remember the world is so big but it's also so small. We are just like the tiniest speck of the universe. It's literally not that deep. These people, they're all gonna die. And so are you. It doesn't matter. We all face the same fate at the end of the day. So who cares what they think? They can think you're stupid, you're dumb, you're daft, you're this, but you're gonna die and so am I. So what difference does this make?

I think life is too short to sit here talking about something. this person's gonna think this, this person's gonna think that. Do what you want.

To All The Girls (18:58)

Tell them again. But okay, so circling back to this generation then, what do you love about the generation?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (19:07)

The humor.

I love, you know me, my screen time is all time high. I love the jokes. Sometimes they can take it too far,

that's one of my favorite things like how we bond like how we bond over the most randomest things like GCSE tiktok that was hilarious i love how we all just joined together and made memes about like like you just make memes over the randomness of things and it's so funny

To All The Girls (19:23)

Elaborate.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (19:42)

Yeah.

To All The Girls (19:43)

Yeah, definitely is. I think we had the best G C S C Title though. But I couldn't I know.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (19:46)

Not.

You weren't there for mine

Yeah but we had like the football interviews, you guys didn't have that.

To All The Girls (19:59)

you guys had football interviews. Sleigh. What was it?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (20:01)

Yeah, we're the first ones to do that, so...

Yeah.

To All The Girls (20:06)

Okay, okay, cool. Giving her flowers. So Khadijah, we're gonna do giving her flowers. I'm sure you already know of it, but this is a moment dedicated to honouring ⁓ and showing appreciation for a woman or a set of women in the world because we are put against each other quite a lot and we want to do the opposite, bring each other up and uplift each other. So

I wanna ask you, is there a woman or a set of women that you would like to show appreciation for or give flowers to?

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (20:51)

First of all, we have to start with the obvious. Mummy, we have to give flowers to Mummy because I just think she's just so cool. the way, like the way her life story is just so cool. Like the fact that she moved to the UK not knowing any English.

raised three kids here. I'm not gonna say not knowing any English because she did learn it. But even that, learning a whole other language, being introduced into a whole new family and I want to say a whole new, two whole new cultures because obviously the UK culture but then you also have Jamaican culture and then adapting really well to that. And then obviously...

Yeah and also her sister Tata Maty that's my auntie by the way, like my mum's sister. Because life in the UK just isn't easy man. She came here raising her three kids.

and life is hard, I can't, it's hard man. So I wanna give my flowers to her, yeah. Why are you looking at me like that fool?

To All The Girls (22:06)

I don't even know what I

look like. I can't see my face. Yeah.

I'm gonna also give flowers to my little sister because even though I was very not nice to her when I was younger she still continues to be a great sister and occasionally give me good advice occasionally sometimes when I need her and she's always there when you need her if you want to talk to her about anything she's always there

and she's hilarious as well. Don't tell her I said that, well she's so funny. So, it's nice to have her there.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (22:09)

Yeah.

And last but not least, I don't really like this person a lot because they're being mean because they're so jarrin and they got a fat nose but, Fatima I would like to give my flowers to you because I like, because you're really like...

A lot of me, the way I am is because of you. The way I think a lot of it is influenced by you. ⁓ And I think it's really like having you as a sister is really motivating seeing how like even when things don't always go to plan or don't go your way, you keep going and keep trying. And I feel like you've always been like that as well. Like you always keep trying, keep doing things and you always fight for what's right. So like.

I want to give my whole, like, full many flowers to you because you're just really cool sometimes.

To All The Girls (23:01)

Thank you. How do you sleep at night? Guys, I just want to quickly say something. She keeps saying Fatima. People always say Fatima, but my name is actually Fatima. But yeah, sometimes it's just hard to pronounce the T. Myself included. But thank you, Khadijah Thank you. That was lovely.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (23:14)

That's a mom, that's a mom, that's a mom, sorry.

To All The Girls (24:02)

Yeah.

come from a family full of great women. I'm grateful to say that.

⁓ yeah, question, question, question time. Where do you feel like your self worth comes from?

To All The Girls (24:30)

Maybe let's rephrase it so like we can like dig into it. So maybe before we think before we think where does your self worth come from, maybe what does self worth look like to you?

Okay.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (24:48)

What does self-worth look like to me? ⁓

Okay self-worth to me, think this is just knowing your morals and standing on it and like knowing like Knowing who you are and not letting anyone tell you differently Like you know someone could come here and say oh you look like a gorilla but in your head you're the most beautiful person you literally just don't care because

Like just not letting what other people say get to you and take your own views of yourself or the world or anything. That's what it is to me. And it's not like, oh, not letting anyone do you wrong or blah, blah, blah. Those things are bound to happen. But like just knowing what is right and wrong and you're like for you. you know what I mean? Yeah.

To All The Girls (25:50)

Do you feel like you fully embody that for yourself?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (25:57)

I my best. You know, like sometimes you get caught up in situations and react in a way where you don't think you should have.

But I think for the most part, yeah. You know, like, it's good. Yeah.

To All The Girls (26:18)

you. Okay, yeah, so it's something that is like an an ongoing journey. Like what do you ⁓ what do you mean by sometimes you find yourself in situations where you don't react the best?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (26:34)

Well, you see, when it comes to emotions, always end up sometimes like, it always taints your view on things or how you react. So let's say something happens and you get upset or angry and you start shouting and screaming at people when you know really and truly you should just walk away. That hasn't happened to me as of late, but that's an example. Or you get really, really sad and you think,

about something and then you think yes now I have to get like revenge and you do something and then end up regretting it like that's what I mean you know

those kind of things.

To All The Girls (27:14)

Yeah. And that's something that you're still trying to navigate basically

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (27:18)

I

think I'm getting better at that, you know, knowing when to take a step back. it's still a work in progress.

To All The Girls (27:29)

you said that you

l you're trying to what's the word?

not retaliate or like kind of let your emotions control you or react to allow you to react in a way that you would regret. Right? That's something that you are trying to work towards and you said that you know you feel like you're getting better at it. it's something that maybe before

you would have struggled with a lot more and now you're not struggling with it. But I guess what are the kind of steps or realisations and stuff that you have come to or things that you've learnt that have allowed you to get to this point now where you're not reacting as much as you would have before.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (28:26)

Yeah, I learned that not everything requires a reaction. Like, you don't always need to shout back at people, you don't always need to get revenge, and sometimes you don't even need to explain yourself. You just let things be. Obviously, sometimes, yeah, you can explain or whatever, but it's not everything or everyone requires energy from you.

it's not worth it to shout and scream at someone when it's not going to get you anywhere. At the end of the day, nothing's going to be resolved. Or to send a fat paragraph cussing someone out, like that doesn't do anything at all. If anything, most of the time, those kind of things just make things worse. And I've also learned to not...

Not even in terms of like arguments with people like just getting I used to get really annoyed and frustrated with things geometry dash ⁓

To All The Girls (29:29)

Sorry, wait,

guys, I have to tell you, when we were younger, my mum bought this beautiful tablet. It was like a really flat Sony tablet and I loved it. Like it was our was it our first one? It was our first ever tablet. I was like, Yes, this is so cool. We've got a tablet in the house. Come I went to school. I think it was school. Yeah, school. Come back one day, the tablet is cracked and bent.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (29:41)

Yeah.

To All The Girls (29:54)

I was livid. I was like, how the hell did this happen? Come to find out, Khadijah broke it because she was angry at Geometry Dash. She didn't accidentally drop it. Nothing. She got so angry, she just bent the tablet and it guys, what the hell? That is just an insight. ⁓ yeah, but

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (30:04)

You

you

Yeah, I

had issues when I was younger.

To All The Girls (30:23)

But that was a very long time ago.

⁓ you were talking about like how before you used to react and get angry.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (30:31)

Oh yeah, like even when it comes to like just things that are beyond your control, like you can't sit there and get angry and upset about something and then not do anything about it. And by not do anything about it, I don't mean like, oh, go get revenge or da da da da or crash out. I mean like...

When I was younger, obviously, as my family just mentioned, I used to have really bad anger issues and my dad used to sit down and talk to me and tell me, like, listen, I know you're annoyed and frustrated and you get annoyed and frustrated at things but...

What happened happened, you know, the thing that has caused your frustration or your anger or your upset it's happened, right? Like you can't turn back the clocks and change that thing that's happened. But what you can do is move forward and see what you can do about this. Like what can I do now? Cool, you've lost the game. How can you win the next one? Or like.

I used to break my phone a lot. Okay, you've broken your phone. What can you do? How can I go about this to improve the situation? You know, because what happened happened. Like you can't change that. It's happened now. But what you can do is see now what you can do moving forward to make things better. Cool, I'm going to be late for this. How can I get there quicker? How can I?

make it so that the repercussions of me being late isn't as bad. You know, what can you do moving forward? Because sitting there and getting angry or upset, and this goes for anything. Literally, take it from me. It doesn't do anything at all. If anything, it just makes things worse. This teacher's coming for you and you're getting angry and annoyed because they're coming for you. Screaming and shouting at their face is not going to do anything. It just makes things worse. You have to understand, like, being reactive.

9 times out of 10 doesn't get you anywhere. You have to take steps to make things better for the future because you can control that, you can't control what happened before. It's happened. It is what it is. Yeah.

To All The Girls (32:38)

that's the main thing to highlight as well, reaction because at the end of the day as humans we have emotions like you're gonna feel you might feel angry, you might feel upset. ⁓ but allowing those to control you and to then react in the moment is what ⁓ becomes the issue. Like

It's good to channel your emotions but in a healthy way. If you're angry, crashing out at the teacher, like you just said, isn't going to fix the situation. If anything, it might just escalate your anger even more. Like do you get what I'm saying? Or so finding those healthy ways and methods of being able to channel your emotions and

Yeah, so that you become less reactive towards things. and that thing that that yeah, sorry, yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (33:26)

I know.

Now another thing I wanted to say is, another thing I realised is being angry is actually a choice. Like you can genuinely sit there and think okay, I actually need to calm down because this is not...

doing it for me like this is not great like you can sit there and calm down I think half of the time when people are angry because you're so angry you don't want to calm down you don't want to find a solution to any problem but if you actually took the time to sit there and be like listen there's no point in me being angry let me calm down let me go for a walk let me drink water let me listen to music I don't know like listen to Quran like do something to calm yourself you can do that

And I think it's important that when you are finding yourself in times of anger, you try and make the effort to calm down. Because it's not impossible. You can do it. And I know that when you're angry, you just want to be angry. But it's not the way to go about things. And you can calm down. It's not impossible. That's one time.

To All The Girls (34:30)

Yeah.

Yeah, no, a hundred percent. 'Cause when you I saw something but I'm paraphrasing and I don't know it properly, so you will need to check this out and find it for yourself. I might have a look and put in the description. But there was a lady, I think she's some s doctor or scientist, and research shows that when you feel an emotion, you only feel it for a very short amount of time. I can't remember how long it is, but I'm pretty sure it was only like a couple of seconds. After that it becomes a choice. You're choosing to hold on to that emotion, but the emotion you feel

initial emotion you don't feel it for that long. Again, I will try to find it and put it in the description, but it does happen quite a lot, you know? Like we choose to and I remember I would always have this conversation with people and I used to say it to you as well, Khadijah, like when you're angry, I know a lot of the time you hear advice like countdown, breathe, da da da and people always be like, it doesn't work, it doesn't work, it doesn't work. The reason

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (35:26)

It doesn't work because you do.

To All The Girls (35:28)

Yeah, but also the reason it doesn't work is 'cause you're not acknowledging that you're angry. You're not trying to actually calm down. Like you're like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. That's not gonna do anything. Like, you need to actually be like, my gosh, you know what? I'm actually heated right now. Let me count to pull myself together. Like, do you know what I mean? You're like you might be okay, you know what? Cool. One.

like with the intention of trying to actually calm yourself down. But then also it's the other thing, like you see this book called ⁓ that I was reading, ⁓ The Courage to be disliked, right? And it was talking about a story of like a mother who was angry at her daughter for something, I can't remember, but she was angry, she was shouting at her daughter, yada yada yada school teacher called now and all of a sudden her voice shifts.

Everything's cool, she's calm. She's talking like she's calm. Do you know whatever? You come off the phone now and you're crashing out at your daughter all over again. It's a choice that you've made. 'Cause you you have consciously switched up because you know that ⁓ now you're speaking to the teacher. And like again that's not to say that you don't have emotions and you're not allowed to feel them. Like, yes, they are they are real but when

holding on to them I think it is it is a decision you make. And obviously if if it comes to like, you know, deep, deep, deep things, then that's one of them things where I again would recommend getting professional help and trying to get therapy for things like deep wo deep wounded things. But other than that, with day to day things, like when I wake up in the morning and like my siblings have finished my juice or whatever it is, I get angry but

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (37:25)

I don't do that.

To All The Girls (37:25)

Sometimes

I have to tell myself, whatever, I have to tell myself like like this is your choosing to s to be angry. Like I would have to like you know what? Whatever. Because if it was someone else on the outside of my friend, I'd be like, you know what, it's fine. But then when it comes to family or something, like that's a decision you make because you know you can take it out. That's not to say that my feelings were invalid. I I like I have every right to be angry at the fact that they took my drink.

that I bought for myself that I was looking forward to the next day, why wouldn't you be annoyed? However, is it worth like ruining my whole day over? No. So you know, let me enjoy the rest of the day and other things that I have coming on.

But yeah. Do you ever feel tempted to like lower your standards or change the way you carry yourself because of the people around you?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (38:22)

not change the way I carry myself, I'm sorry. I quite like the way I carry myself. But I do sometimes feel tempted to be like, maybe I should just... Maybe I should just...

Be less, I don't wanna say strict, but be less like, know.

Yeah, exactly, be more easy going and... Oh no, I don't do this. Oh no, I don't do that. Oh, I don't do that. You know, always that, oh, I'm mature. Oh, don't think that joke is funny. That's quite rude. Like I feel like I'm killing people's vibes sometimes, but it's just like...

To All The Girls (39:09)

Yeah. It's it's crazy though, 'cause I find it interesting how that happens. Because it's like I actually feel like you're quite an unserious person. Like No, but as in like she's so like you're such a joke star.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (39:10)

There's certain things that do.

To All The Girls (39:31)

Like you always make jokes and stuff. So it's just very interesting how people can look and feel like, ⁓ you're always like so serious but I guess it's like the set of people that you're around, right? Because I don't think you're that serio like you are serious, you just have certain values, that's it, that you don't want to be crossed.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (39:53)

It's not that think people think I'm bored, well some people do, but like, it's just, there's just certain things that, there's certain things that people joke about or do, or even just the conversations people have that I'm just like, I'm not interested. Like I'm really not.

me man like love island sorry love island it can be interesting but I'm not about to sit here and discuss these people because that's just not a bit of me

To All The Girls (40:20)

And then there's some people who get this is the thing, like there's some people who look at you funny for that. But then it's not like

you are trying to say that you're better than them or anything because of it.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (40:38)

Exactly, if you wanna go and do all of these things, if you wanna drink, you wanna smoke, you wanna watch Love Island, go and do that. I'm not stopping you, I'm just saying that I don't like that. That's not a bit of me. If you wanna make your weird jokes cool, whatever, just do that where I'm not, there. You know what mean? That's not me, that's not for me, you can do that elsewhere.

And I would even say Baddies Southwest, but I'll have a whole rant on that right now because I hate that show so much. That show is nothing but angry black woman propaganda. And I can give you a... Okay, you know what? I'm not even going to get into it.

To All The Girls (41:06)

Ha ha

No, let's not let's not get into that. No, but honestly I just feel like sometimes it can be so hard in this ⁓ generation when you're raised to have certain values and certain morals and ⁓ everyone kind of what's the word, changes ⁓ to fit into that and then when you're not, you're the one that's looked at like you're weird.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (41:21)

Thanks

Yeah, dear.

To All The Girls (41:43)

And then again, like I said, it can also make it a bit difficult to find friends or find people around you that you actually get along with. Because it's not like how am I doing it? It's not like you're you're not shutting someone off because they do things that you don't agree with.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (42:02)

you

To All The Girls (42:11)

But you just don't engage in the things that they don't agree with, which is what they're doing, so it makes it difficult. Do you get what I mean? But then there's also other parts that you might bond with the same people who do those kind of things, you know?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (42:28)

I also find that it's easier to bond with these people individually than when they're in a group. Because I thought that when they're in a group, they end up putting on a facade. I'm not saying they become entirely... Some people become entirely a person, not. But oftentimes they try and like... There's certain things they say that if we were just one-on-one, they wouldn't say that.

Certain jokes they make that if they were just 101 or three people or someone they were close to they wouldn't say that Certain ways they move certain things they do you wouldn't do that in your time. You're doing it because there's people that

Yeah, like, I forgot where my point was going. I had a point, but I forgot where I was going, so...

To All The Girls (43:15)

I was thinking, I think 'cause I was talking about how they ⁓

well talk about how like you it's not that you're saying you don't wanna be with like you don't wanna be with them entirely.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (43:28)

yeah, like some people, they're actually really, like there's sometimes you look at people from the outside and think, this group of people, they're so this, they're so that, they're so.

ghetto they're this they're bad but if you speak to these people one-on-one some of them are actually they're even really smart they could actually be mature and have morals but they don't apply them because they want to fit into the crowd or they actually are talented they can play piano they can do this they can do that but when they are surrounded by like all of these people it makes it seem as if like they're just so surface level and like they're like great

But lot of these people individually, actually have potential to be something more, but they just downplay it because they want to fit in.

To All The Girls (44:17)

Yeah. Again it goes back to that thing of wanting to find your tribe and wanting to be around ⁓ people, ⁓ wanting like people to accept you, you know. 'cause I was just I was even thinking two th two points that I wanted to make. First thing that I wanted to say was it's another thing because you were saying how

you don't force yourself to be friends with and chill with people that you don't really connect with like. But you were also saying how some of these people they're really nice when you speak to one on one. So I just wanted to reiterate and maybe you can elaborate too on the fact that

⁓ choosing not to be immediate and close friends with certain people is not the same as closing yourself off to getting to know people.

And I just wanted you to speak more about that.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (45:24)

You know, like sometimes there's people... See me, I'm a... I like to... I think of myself as quite a social person, like... I would never... Never judge a book by its character, basically. There's sometimes there's people... You see them, everyone has, like... Makes judgement of people when you first see them. It's natural, it's the human thing. People do it, but... I think it's all important to give people a chance, you know, like...

to speak to people, get to know them, to listen them. If they speak and you're automatically like... Some people, they talk and it's like automatically you're like, no, nevermind, I don't want to speak to you ever again. When there's other people, it's like you actually seem nice and decent.

To All The Girls (45:59)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (46:06)

I think don't sit there and think well you smoke weed and you drink alcohol so I'm better than you and I'm never going to speak to you ever. I don't think it's a bad thing. These people can still be good people. They're taking things that you don't agree with. You just don't be with them when they do that kind of stuff and don't allow them to pressure you to do those things but it's not that...

They're bad people. Everyone has their reasons for things. Everyone has their own journey, their own path. Maybe they'll get over it in the future. Maybe this is their coping mechanism. You never know. But don't sit there and think, well, I don't like this. You do this. You do that. You do this. You go to these places. You speak with these people. So that means that you're bad and I don't do those things. And I like people who drink matcha and don't drink alcohol. So I'm better than you and I'm not going to talk to you. No.

And you never know, because these people could end up quitting that whole lifestyle, turn around and be the next Bill Gates, and now you lost that connection. Because you think that you're better than, you're not better than anyone. We're all people at the end of the day, we all have our flaws. So it's important to at least give people a chance. There's people that don't do those things and are still waste men.

I but they don't drink, they don't smoke, they don't partake in those activities but they are not good people. And there's people that do do those things and they're great. It's important to give people a chance.

and not just shut them down off the jump because you see they do things that you don't I don't say don't align with but you don't partake in it's different if you see someone and they're rude and they're shouting and they're screaming at people all the time and blah blah blah all day like I don't know they're rude to waitresses or rude to people or even like or even in terms of like

To All The Girls (48:05)

Yeah, but character they have like serious character flaws.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (48:10)

You see like them boys are only nice to girls they find pretty and they're rude to boys. The ones that you don't find attractive. Girls don't be friends with boys like that. Don't be weird. Like those are not the kind of people that you want to involve yourself with. Just because they're nice to you, that doesn't mean that they're a nice person. Because when stuff hits the fan, they're going to be rude to you too.

To All The Girls (48:30)

Literally bro,

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (48:31)

So yeah, it's just, it all about judgment of character, you know?

To All The Girls (48:36)

Yeah.

Allow people that's another thing that Daddy used to say, allow people to show you who they are. Give them the chance and when they show you, you gotta believe them. You gotta believe him. But yeah. I feel like when you are yourself

Or when you have those values and you know like these are my standards and my values and I'm not gonna kind of back down from it, ⁓ that gives people

People feel safe around you to be themselves or that's ⁓ that version of them that isn't performing because you don't perform. Because you were saying earlier on when like you speak to certain people and it's like, you're actually really nice Obviously it could be that they're just again performing because of how you are, but then it could also be that you've given them that room to kinda show them that hey, I'm not super duper like

⁓ doing everything like the masses or whatever everyone else is doing.

I feel like that is also something that might be the case.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (49:55)

I always think it's important to be like open, like be a nice person so that people can come to you and feel like nice to talk to you, you know? I don't like judgy people.

Don't sit there and be judgy or not talk to someone because ⁓ this person said that they're weird and they did this and you know give people a chance even if they end up they could end up being that person that everyone says doing you wrong or blah blah blah but at least you know for yourself you know don't make judgments on people based on other people's judgments you know you have to have your own test of like

character and judgement of people because you actually never know.

To All The Girls (50:44)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (50:44)

and that applies to everyone. Don't sit there! Like, I remember secondary school, would be sometimes people, like, they would come and talk to you and then people would be like, my gosh, why are you talking to this person? no, this person, they're so annoying. It's just like, they're talking to me, not you. So why, why are you, like, what were you doing? Because you're saying, they're doing this, they're, they didn't do that to me.

To All The Girls (51:02)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (51:10)

And it's not, this is not me saying, this person's rude to everyone and being nice to me and that's not what I'm trying to say. But I mean like...

To All The Girls (51:18)

It's all speculation and Chinese whisperers. 'Cause there's then like more time that person that told you this person did A, B, C, and D, they did that not to the person themselves that's telling you not to talk o about. Everyone that's coming to you saying don't talk to this person 'cause this person did this and this person did that

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (51:20)

Yeah, exactly.

To All The Girls (51:38)

This person didn't even do that to you. They didn't even do anything to you. They're this is just like one thing and like this is like what everyone else is saying. It's different if you can actually see that this person character is flawed. But you have like you're just going off of rumour. No one speaks to this person and now you think, ⁓ I'm not gonna speak to him 'cause everyone is gonna look at me like I'm funny And this again goes to that thing of what we'll talk about at the beginning, the fake people

People have no values. Again, you're speaking to people who are only friends with you because of image or how it makes them look. The moment something comes out bad about you, they're gone. You know? And people will try and look at you like you're mad because you're walking by yourself. But you're here friends with people that

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (52:21)

Yeah.

Yeah.

To All The Girls (52:33)

And again, you never know, wouldn't it? At the end of the day, you never truly know someone's intentions,

So we're gonna do if I were you.

So if I were you is our situation scenario ⁓ segment. So our previous guest would have left you a situation. You're gonna answer starting with if I were you, give your scenario and then you're gonna leave a scenario for our guests next week, right? Cool. So so

Your situation is, how would you approach moving through discomfort to reach your goals?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (53:16)

reach your goals

discomfort as in what?

To All The Girls (53:20)

So I think it's more like you are trying to reach your goals but you are struggling quite a lot. How would you navigate that?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (53:32)

Just try to fall in love with the journey man. Like this is something that we've had a conversation about this the other day like the way you are living your life now like don't take it for granted. You know like there's so many things that you have already in your life that when you reach whatever your goal is you may not have anymore. You know and I think it's important to appreciate those things.

Because you get so lost in, oh I want this thing, I want this thing, I want this thing, that you don't realise what you already have. I think it's important to appreciate what you have already. And I think that will make it a whole lot easier when you see, okay, I don't have this thing yet, but I'm working towards it, but I have these things already. I have these things too. Now that's not me saying, oh I have these things so it's fine, so I don't have to reach the goal. No, you should obviously strive for your goal. But...

Remember what you do have. It's important to appreciate the things around you, the people around you, because you're blessed. We're all blessed. You have things and don't take that for granted. Also, remember the goal. It might be hard, it might be difficult, it might be moving really slow, but...

As long as you keep going, you will reach the goal. I think that as long as you try, if you have a goal in your mind and you are trying actively, there is no way that it can fail because you're trying. Even if it takes 10 years, five years, 900 years, you're trying. so inevitably, I believe that if you're trying, it will work. The only way that it won't work is if you stop trying.

Now obviously sometimes things move slow and things don't work out but you just have to sometimes you have to redirect and find another way to get to your goal but as long as you keep adjusting to your end goal you will reach it.

Yeah.

To All The Girls (55:47)

Slow. Yeah, it's a little bit Ted Talk. Motivational speaker. I love that.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (55:52)

Hmm

To All The Girls (55:56)

Okay, Khadijah so what situation do you have for our next guest?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (56:03)

Okay so I kinda have two. One of them is really similar to literally what we just said but my second one is different.

so the first one is you're trying really hard to get to your goal but you feel like you're not making any progress like how would you go about it it's really similar to what I just answered but it's different

And then the next one.

is you do everything like you're good person you're nice to everyone like but people still don't like you what would you do

To All The Girls (56:45)

Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you. Right, so K dot Darling, Kdija, what is important to you in a friendship?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (57:01)

What's important to me in a friendship?

First of all, having the same morals. I'll elaborate after I give my second point. And second of all, having each other's back. Because there's so many friendships where people, you're just friends, but you're friends for the aesthetic or just going out and party and blah, blah. But I think it's important to have a friend that when stuff hits the fan, they're there for you. Like they're always there. Like if you are upset, you can go to them. If...

I don't know, you're going through heartbreak, you can go to them if...

I don't know, you're at school. Let's put this into school scenario. You're at school. Everyone at school doesn't like you. They say, oh, you're a waste, man. This person, this, you're wet. Oh, she's a this, she's a that. That friend is still there for you. They're sitting by your side despite everyone saying all of this nonsense. And they're like, and they're defending your name. They're like, no, she's this, she's my friend, she's going. And she defends you even when you're not in the room. You see, now that, that is a good friend right there.

Because there's so many people that they would sit there, especially when there's boys around. They sit there, they're friends, oh your friends are this, Fam Your friends are that. Oh your friend's wet, ma'am. Oh she did, apparently she did that. They would sit there and like, oh my gosh, you're like, oh but that's my friend tho There's so many people that would do that. I don't F with people like that. You have to have my back. I think that's really important in a friendship.

To All The Girls (58:26)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (58:39)

Which is why I love Luisa She's always there. And she doesn't listen to what other people say. Because another thing, some people let other people tell them about their friends. Why are you letting someone that doesn't know your friend tell you about your own friend? I have to have a friend that knows me. Someone could come and tell them something and be like, Khadijah will never do that.

That's not even Khadijah. Bro, you said Khadijah likes the Doritos fam. She's very allergic to those, but what you even talking about? You know, like, they have to know me.

I find it, like this is like not that deep but I find it so when you have a friendship with someone that you've been friends with I guess for years and they mischaracterize you like they'd be like ⁓ yeah this is such a Khadijah thing. No it's not! What are you talking about? yeah and then morals as well like I remember there was this one time

work with my year 7 to year 9 friendship group but we went to a restaurant and we were finished and it was time to leave and then everyone just left their stuff out I was like guys are we not gonna clear our stuff and then one of them I still I like them but she still went she went and went like yeah that's the cleaner's job see now my face is very expressive so I didn't say anything to her but I just gave her I just looked at her

And she was like, ⁓ wait, nah, okay, sorry, sorry, we'll clean up. But I didn't, it wasn't intentional, but she was just like, yeah, because what do you mean is to clean, like, clean up after yourself? You know? Yeah.

To All The Girls (1:00:13)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:00:21)

Yeah, I think that's really important to me as well.

To All The Girls (1:00:23)

Mm.

Yeah. It can be things that people underestimate. And I think they're things that you learn. Especially friendships, like girlhood and friendships are such a beautiful thing and they when you have real authentic good friendships, they're so healing and they teach you so much.

that you go back to saying, like the friends that are just there for the aesthetic. again I feel like in school I had a lot of that. But in school is different because in school you are quite limited to the amount of people that you meet. And again like you're younger and stuff. But being there for each other is very important.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:01:08)

Yeah, and I feel like another thing is having at least one good friend is better than having a whole bunch of friends as well. Especially when you're in secondary school, people get caught with, oh, I'm friends with this person, I've got all this, I've got this, I'm friends with this person and they're bait. But none of that matters in the long run. I think it's more important to have one person that you know has your back, one person that you know knows you. And they just...

align with you like there's certain things that people tell me stories of their friendship like their friendship drama problem i'm thinking louisa would never do that my friend would never like this that's like my sister from another like mister like that's my sister she would never do that like you have to have a good set of people around you that you know will have your back no matter what through thick and thin

To All The Girls (1:02:05)

That's the other thing that it's so important 'cause it's not to say that sometimes you don't get annoyed or you don't get upset at your friends and stuff. But it's like we're not just here just to go out and talk about little things like, I wanna buy this, I wanna buy that. Yes, those are things that also happen in your friendship. Yes, we go out, yes we have fun, yes we this this this and that happen. Cool, but I'm talking about when things actually hit the fad. When your friend, when you guys are going out and her card declines

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:02:35)

Exactly. You got me. I got you, exactly.

To All The Girls (1:02:36)

It's okay, I got you. And that's

not a problem. Obviously, again, it w if someone is pushing you over, yeah, it's a different thing. But being that when your friend is sick, I'm gonna go and visit her. You know? And having the understanding and having empathy.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:02:49)

Mm-hmm, exactly.

Also another thing, lot of people like to say in terms of romantic relationships, oh communication is key, communication is key. But I think that applies for literally almost every relationship in your life. Like if your friend does something that you don't necessarily like, I would like to have a friend where I can go to and be like, look, listen, you did this. I don't really like that. And they'll be like, oh, okay. Or we talk about it. Not, oh, well you did this in 1952. then, and I don't like it.

I'm gonna but this person did this and she was a better judge No, like you have to be able we have to be able to like talk about what we did wrong and be like, okay cool I understand that or not. you're moving. I come your boyfriend or something No, have to because when you don't address things that irritate you or know you in a friendship That's when resentment grows like towards the person like you end up like being I don't really like this person but it's because this you've left these things

unresolved you know you can't have

Like someone can do something annoying and then you go to someone else and say, this person did this or that. You go to every single person except the person about what they did wrong. Go to them and be like, listen, you did this. I didn't really like this. Now you've now you've gone and said your piece. You've said what's wrong. If they react wrong, then you know that person is not for you. know, but it's important to get things off your chest and be friends with people that you know, you're able to address things.

To All The Girls (1:04:07)

Yeah.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:04:27)

when things aren't necessarily how you like them.

To All The Girls (1:04:31)

Mm-hmm. Yeah,

literally a hundred percent. I think I have an episode on this, but I don't know. I think it's on my private one, my private podcast. I'll put the link in and it's on friendships and stuff. ⁓ and being able to pick your friends, but I might even do another episode. We might have to do a whole episode dedicated to that. Even though we spoke about it quite lot.

yes the other thing of like we were speaking about being reactive as well and it's so important as well to make sure that well, in these things, when you have these kind of altercations, it will show you what kind of friend they are and the level of consciousness that they're at in terms of

reactiveness because like I said, naturally as humans, you know, you don't really want to hear anything bad about yourself. So when someone does come to you and does say something, your immediate rea thing is to react, to deflect, to defend yourself or to come back at them to make you feel better about yourself. How can you say this about me when you did this and you did that and you did this when the conversation isn't supposed to be about that. The conversation is supposed to be about this is how I feel, this is how

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:05:22)

Mm-hmm.

To All The Girls (1:05:45)

and how can we change to so that it doesn't happen again or so that we don't feel uncomfortable in the friendship again. Do you get what I mean? And in having those conversations as well though, it's not about, okay, I share how I felt and now all of the person all of a sudden the person's just supposed to say sorry and it's supposed to be done and dusted. That person might have feelings too. They might be a reason that they did what they did. They might feel like that what they did wasn't wrong because of A, B, and C because you did something.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:05:48)

Yeah.

To All The Girls (1:06:15)

And you have to be open to being able to hear that side as well. And sometimes when it comes to this thing of okay, have a conversation and be able to say how that you felt uncomfortable, that is a good thing. And I he I see a lot of girls do this where it's like they do that, but then when they don't like what they've heard, they think that that's a problem. Again, if the person is being reactive and being mean and being like

Hey, you're the problem, da da da da da da ⁓ you did this and you did that and why are you saying this about me? Yeah, that can be an issue. But if the person is kind of saying, Hey, look, I think it's unfair that you've said that because I felt like this, let's have an open conversation about it. Do you get what I mean? 'Cause you don't expect it to be like now you have to just apologize, say sorry and never do it again.

The conversation is a difficult conversation. It it might not be, but know that it might actually be too. And you want to come to a position where it's like, Okay, here, look, this is what I've done, this is what you've done, what can we do now so that this doesn't happen again? But yes, those conversations need to be had. And if I said again like Khadijah said, it comes to a whole reactive ⁓ then you have your answer.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:07:36)

big answer.

To All The Girls (1:07:37)

But what would you want other girls, especially girls who struggle with self worth or friendships, to know about themselves or to know in general?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:07:51)

You have to know that you are the best. You are... There's not another person like you. If someone doesn't like you, they are missing out. Not you. If someone finds you weird, they are missing out. Not you. And you have to know that in your head because you're the best. You don't like me? Bro, you got something... I don't... You got something wrong in your head.

But you don't- if they don't like you, they don't like you! But, you're the best. So, they're the ones missing out, not you.

To All The Girls (1:08:27)

Yeah. No, a hundred percent. And I think it's one of them things where you have to generally like say that to yourself. 'Cause even Khadijah Yeah, and believe it. 'Cause Khadijah in the house, like, she will say affirmations but not affirmations in the way that are like, I look in the mirror and say I'm beautiful, like she will just s ⁓ I'm just so beautiful.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:08:36)

even.

You

To All The Girls (1:08:52)

Or like the things like

that are 'cause I'm just amazing, you know, everyone or even things like I have a hundred bands in my bank account all the time. And it's like those are the things you have to continually say to yourself and not in an arrogant and better than anyone way. But just in a you have to be your biggest supporter, you have to be your biggest cheerleader.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:09:00)

We just...

And another thing is sometimes when you have confidence in yourself and you like yourself, people always try to tear you down or make you feel some type of way because you think that you are great. Don't let them take you down.

because half the time they're coming from a pace of insecurity but when you sit around and go like well because I say oh obviously because I'm amazing and stuff all the time but sometimes people look at me and like who this girl thinks she is? why you that? oh you're so wet but it's just like you just have to know who you are like

Think I'm so beautiful and so amazing some other people might not think that but who really cares because I think that You know me but when you have a high self-worth and have a high View of yourself people are going to look at you like you are weird Because I feel like nowadays when it comes to women like they don't like to see Women have confidence in themselves a woman a beautiful woman knowing she's beautiful is a threat to everyone for some reason

I don't know why but when you know that you are great and amazing people are gonna not like that and there's something you have to come to terms with but don't like water yourself down because everyone is coming for you because you're amazing

To All The Girls (1:10:36)

Mm. And you will feel pressured to do it.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:10:40)

Hmm, you will. But you can't listen to them people because you're amazing. Why would I unamazing myself because you're annoyed that I'm amazing?

To All The Girls (1:10:52)

And if they're annoyed that you're amazing, you gotta say it again. It's just 'cause I'm amazing. That's why you're annoyed, like. It's just 'cause forever that girl, do you get it? But it's easier said than done, I know,

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:10:57)

exactly

To All The Girls (1:11:07)

People don't like that you

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:11:10)

You know what was so weird? I was like, I was deep in this the other day, like even from like tiny, like I always thought I was the best. I just thought I was the longest person. I was so amazed. Like I remember when primary school, they'd be like, oh my gosh, this person is the prettiest in the primary school. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And whole time I was thinking, bro, it was obviously me. I went bald and I thought, I'm just so, I genuinely thought I was like, just so like, wow.

To All The Girls (1:11:38)

How do you distinguish being arrogant with like between having that confidence and knowing like you are amazing?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:11:52)

I think it's a thing where you know that you're beautiful and you know that you're amazing but you don't think that you're better than anyone because of it.

Like I sit there and look in the mirror and think, wow, I'm so beautiful, I'm so great. But that doesn't mean that other people aren't beautiful and great. There's other people that are beautiful and great. But I think that I'm beautiful and great. And I don't think that because I'm beautiful and great, I'm better than you, I deserve more than you. Like I'm just a way better person. That's not true. You're not better. No one's better than anyone. Everyone has their flaws, like I said before.

But it's just important to know that you are the GOAT. Like you're literally the best. And that doesn't mean that other people are not good. Like I mean, my TikTok has a whole pretty, like I have got like 6,000 people in a pretty people collection. Like I admire people's beauty. People are beautiful. There's so many beautiful girls in the world. But just because they're beautiful, doesn't mean I'm not.

To All The Girls (1:12:50)

Wait.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:13:01)

It doesn't take away, like, two people can exist at once. You're not better than anyone because you're beautiful.

You're not better than anyone because you think you're the GOAT So don't go around walking around being like well because I'm beautiful I can be I hate the girls that are so beautiful like you look at them they're gorgeous and then they open their mouth and they're just rude to everyone because you've just ruined it like don't think because you're pretty you can act like you're above everyone else you're not

To All The Girls (1:13:40)

No one is. And there's something about the energy of a of someone that's nice. Like when you have such a beautiful energy, it's kind of like no forgotten to say. But anyway, when you have like such a beautiful energy, you automatically become more attractive and more appealing. When you are

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:14:03)

and

To All The Girls (1:14:05)

⁓ but when you let's say you do have a quote unquote like you you're beautiful or pretty, whatever that may be, and your energy and your way you carry yourself is just so ugh that goes. That stuff goes, like you're not nice to be around and I think I saw this thing, ⁓ probably saved it on print or somewhere, but if someone had to describe you like

I don't know exactly, but I think it was like if someone had to describe you to a blind person, what would they say, like in terms of your character? Or if a blind person was to describe you, like how would they describe you? So again, I'm paraphrasing this so bad, but essentially what it's I mean like I'm butchering it, but essentially what it's trying to say is that like

Your inside, your character, who you are, like who is that? Because if all of this push comes to shove your all your looks, everything is gone, what's inside? What what's there?

And it's true because think about it, there's so many girls who like I know you wouldn't even have looked that guy's way if you saw him on the street. And then you meet him, you like his personality and all of a sudden he's attractive But I promise you two seconds ago we like if that was like a couple hours ago before then, you have cared.

It's this thing, it it with everyone, like yeah, it really does speak like your aura basically

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:15:37)

energy

Yeah.

a really big thing. You can even be like someone who in terms of society is not considered conventionally attractive but if your energy is top tier you still be like you know yeah because looks aren't everything your looks can be taken away from you at any point in time like you literally never know

It's important to be like a good person on the inside.

To All The Girls (1:16:18)

And you can be loved for that. Sometimes you think the only reason people can like you is because you're pretty and ⁓ yeah, like some people do like you because of your looks, but that's very superficial. You know, like yeah that is one thing, but who are you on the inside?

And so many people are liked because of who they are on the inside. And you find people that are like just because of their looks. It's kind of the same thing as people who are like just because of clout. You don't find sincere people who love you for you, you know.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:16:50)

people.

To All The Girls (1:16:57)

Okay, so Khadijah for the girls out there who are insecure and want to embody confidence,

What advice would you give them or what steps do you think that they can take?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:17:14)

First of all, don't look for confidence in external places. It has to come from within. Don't sit there and wait for posts online that need to have 5,000 people in the comments talking about, oh, you're so pretty, or have random boys come and tell you, oh my gosh, you're great, I want to have your snap. Don't look for confidence in those places.

When you look for external happiness, you will never be happy. Or confidence or anything. You won't ever be happy. You have to sit with yourself and work on your own view of yourself. Even if that's just looking in the mirror and being like, my face looks great today. Well, I'm just amazing. And then go about your day.

Don't look for that validation in other places, otherwise it won't get you anywhere. It starts from there.

To All The Girls (1:18:23)

So they have to start learning to validate themselves first.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:18:27)

yes if you post online don't if you're gonna post on tiktok or snap story you think oh i like i'm posting this because i like my face and this i am posting this because i like how i look and i want to push out to the world no because oh i want everyone to think i'm beautiful oh i want everyone to think this no this is for you this is all you

To All The Girls (1:18:51)

how does a girl go about ⁓ learning to build internal validation

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:18:57)

I think it starts with doing things for you. Like when you are getting ready in the morning, you get ready because you want to look good for yourself. You do your hair, if you your hair certain way, don't do it because this person said when I did this hairstyle they liked it. You do it because ⁓ when I did this hairstyle I felt good. You know?

If you wake up everyday to put on makeup, do the makeup because it makes you feel good. Not because, ⁓ well this person said that they like the way I did my eyeliner the day. Yes, you can take that into account, but if it doesn't make you feel good, then it's not gonna fulfill you. You have to do the things that make you feel good. Do things for yourself and you will have more confidence in yourself.

Yeah.

To All The Girls (1:19:54)

my gosh, thank you so much for your inspirational TED talk. I hope that a lot of girls can take Inspo Hopefully next time we can do it and be in like Yeah, hopefully inshallah and have time and have a proper

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:20:00)

and

You do?

Sorry.

To All The Girls (1:20:13)

you know, in depth and get into it and we can get into maybe have a deep dive into like friendships and like obviously we spoke about it lot today but proper in depth like 'cause yeah and the both of us a whole episode dedicated to friendship

So I hope you guys did enjoy that. ⁓ like I said, it it was we covered lightly on some things. Next time In sha Allah we'll go a lot deeper. But before we do come to an end, I just wanna ask if

If you could leave one message to all the girls out there today, what would that message be?

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:20:54)

I've already said it but two amazing people can exist at once. Two pretty people can exist I know in this world nowadays people like to compare themselves to other people. I don't know if like maybe if you've been cheated on there's another girl. I don't know maybe even just in general people seem to think oh well I'm prettier than this one so I guess okay well I'm better than this one because of it. Listen.

Two things can be true at once. You can be beautiful, she can be beautiful. You can be amazing, she can be amazing. And I think it's important people remember that. It's not a competition.

To All The Girls (1:21:29)

Thank you, Khadijah. So much. Thank you, thank you, thank you for having here. Thank you for saving my life.

BIG BOSS BAD GYAL DIJAH (1:21:31)

No problem bruh, any day

To All The Girls (1:21:38)

but anyway see you guys next week bye