Ep. 40 Sovereign Citizen

Honestly some of our finest work 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

My wife. You can't just bore out your way out of this. You can't bore out your way out of that fucking Asian shit you were doing. You ever seen that movie? It's Borat. It's good. Yeah, I've seen that. It's good. Like a sex. Which cinema did you first see Borat at? Tweed Cinema. AMC. I was laughing. I was ruffle mayoing. Yeah, I went and saw it. It was seriously good. You ever seen it? Yeah. Shut the fuck up. You know, actually, if I'm being honest with you, I've only seen it once. Really? Yeah, I watched it in the cinema. I had a good time. I was in Edelung on the Central Coast. Where? Yeah, exactly. Edelung. Why didn't you inherit a rewatch? I just like watched it. It's like some things are so good. Yeah, but sometimes you need to soak it all in again. I did watch it a second time. I'll be honest with you. I did watch it a second time. So it was a lie the first time. Not nearly. You're bragging saying you've only seen it once. Not nearly is funny. He caught you up on a lie, you fucking idiot. Yeah, obviously I lied. I'm a good detective. I could see through that story immediately. You're a great detective. That's why you put up posters for it. It's impossible. That's my cover, Ajit. It's impossible that no one could have seen I reckon it's pretty impossible just once I'll tell you what I what movie do you reckon you've seen the most probably Toy Story. Weird pedophile doing little kids. I just watch every day. We never get through 40 minutes. First off, hey, you're unk now. Watch how you speak to me. You are unk status. You're meant to be a fucking role model for these children. How about you clean up your attitude a little bit? Second, Toy Story. Toy Story. Beautiful fucking movie. Never been another one like it. One, two, and three all classics I don't even consider the fourth one a movie with the fourth one's like a fan fiction get fucked out of here I used to like the fourth one yeah fuck out of here and then I saw Tarantino saying yeah fuck out of here and then I was like nah you co-opted his opinion yeah of course he knows movies yeah true of course he knows movies way more than me he does yeah who am I to think that I like a movie that he thinks is bad true I'm a fucking idiot what's a movie you've seen the most I just like probably Borat knowing you you fucking you've probably seen Borat the most yeah like a hundred million times dude nah I'll tell you what Andy's got this thing against Borat right now I like Borat it's okay the first movie is insanely good 10 out of 10 classic I got it from Video Easy first time I watched it yeah I reckon the movie I've seen the most is Austin Powers Goldmember that is a good one too it was the only DVD I had at my grandparents house you just really I know what you I thought of it too we're not gonna make that joke okay Go on, what? He wasn't really inspired by one character in particular. He wasn't. Shut up. He didn't really fall off the one character that you're about to name right now. The one guy that he loves the most in the movie. My neck does look like a vagina. I mean, he did some way. You know, like Jairus. We looked at each other immediately. Oh, shit. Yeah, I was doing character development. Right, Aiden. you remember big bosses those lollies the big boss no it's like a must stick oh yeah sort of like a cigar and I'm just like watching fucking fat bastard in Austin Powers Goldmember just eating like fistfuls of those at the time if you had like$1.40 you just bought 700 of them they were like 2 cents each they're sort of little must sticks yeah Yeah, yeah, but bigger and like a cigar. Yeah, I know, but they were mainly just for show to pretend you're the boss man from the back. He wasn't even smoking. He was just eating them out of the back. I used to hold four together like a cigar. What happened when you played Jenga? When I played Jenga? Remember the game Jenga? Just those little blocks. I grew up on Monopoly, fuck boy. I know the difference between food and wood. I You look like a badger, though. That was a crazy call. That was disrespectful. You do look like a beaver, though. Come on. You do look like a beaver. It wouldn't be amiss to have one of those beaver tails. You'd look good with a beaver tail. Yeah, gnaw on that table. See what it looks like. Yeah, Dudley the beaver. That looks like her. What are we even talking about? Oh, we're talking about fucking... Oh, a movie I watched with my friend from... Yeah, I'm done talking to you. Ajit. What's up, bro? What movie do you reckon you've seen the most? And not Backdoor Sluts 9. You get it? That was a South Park joke. I used to watch a lot of porn. What do you mean? Howard and Coomer. I've seen that a lot when I was a boy. It's a pretty dorky one. It's Lord of the Rings. Yeah, true. Easily seen by the most. Yeah, keep that to yourself. You age yourself, dude. Shut up, bro. Lord of the Rings is cool. You just age yourself. You're old, dude. I'm that young box. We'd go to the cinema at the first session every boxing day for three years. Full extended family. Watching the new Lord of the Rings film. We were dressed like the Shire Hobbits. No, you weren't. No. That would have been so brutal if you were one of those families. How rough would it be one of them kids who are born to extreme nerds and then you just have to follow like, yeah, dad dressed me up as a stormtrooper again. I feel like a faggot. I reckon your dad could be a heron addict yeah I'm not saying that there's not worse options out there I'm just highlighting that this is a shit option it could be worse your dad could not have truck imagine if your dad didn't have any aura that would suck my dad rocks a Fidel already my dad's got like crazy anger issues and shit but I'm glad he had a pussy my dad well he used to have aura he's got he's got a halo now That was a fun one. That made my dad went to heaven, dick. Your dad reckons you're a faggot. What the fuck, man? I was getting offended on your behalf. That is objectively true. He doesn't think I'm a faggot. He'd not text you every time he walked into the house. What are you doing, pussy? Look at that soap there on the ground, boy. Yeah, I'm only getting you. Don't pick it up. You drop soap. You valid bastard, you pick up the soap. Fucking bitch, I'm only telling you to get a truck so you can take your chick, give your chicks a ride home. Fucking go after fatties, fucking pussy. Go get a truck. Carry your bitches around. My vape, I got this new type of vape. I got forced to upgrade. They phased me out of my old kind of vape. You're a 32-year-old man. Suck my dick, faggot. But this vape, dude, I'm not even that old. You guys are old. I like having older friends. Basically, what I'm trying to say is... It makes me feel good. Basically, what I'm trying to say is... You're old now. Your own status. I'm not old. This vape has turbo mode. It's got regular mode. Like, look at that, dude. That's turbo. Whoever designed that vape is trying to kill people. That motherfucker's trying to do his own holocaust. It says it's 12,000 puffs normal or 9,000 turbo. Oh, damn. Have a rip. This is normal just for... Yeah, okay. He's got the whole vape in his mouth. Down to the base. That was the normal one. If you've ever seen a Batman coffin choke, you know how hilarious it is right now. You know that Biggie Smalls skit? Give me the loot. There weren't no damn mashed potatoes. Now rip the turbs. I'm scared. Wait, content for the Insta bar. I'll hit it with a Cinemadi, brah. Oh, damn. Turbo. Way less than the last one. Fuck, that sucked. Don't put that on the Insta. Don't put that on the Insta. That is rough. Basically, I do that all day. Should I have another turbo here? I don't even sound like that. Man, cut it out. Dude, my mate in year six. We're friends since year four. Dude, it was crazy. It's actually mental. This is midway through year seven. He's taking a shit and we're talking through the door. Nice. And it goes all quiet and he goes, hey, Marty, why do you like me? And I'm like, I don't know, bro. I don't know. I just think you're funny and chill. I don't know. We hang out all the time. You live in my street. And then by the end of year seven, never talked to him again. He was 12. He was in year seven. It's the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life. We weren't drunk or anything. That was just pure emotion. Yeah, he's like, bro. I was raped yesterday. I'm tainted meat. I'm damaged goods, actually. I'm broken on the inside. He was actually cleaning himself with a scourer. He's got steel wool out trying to clean his balls. Why does anyone like me? Why is the shower running in there? He's just crying in the shower. The footy coach said I wasn't good enough. Yeah, those... He might have had shit on his toilet paper going, I don't like this bit. I don't like this bit. Why do you like me? That's funny. That dude's like gay and insecure to say that shit. It's sort of a thought. If you ever said that to me, just like, bro, why do you like me? I'd be like, well, I don't know. I don't anymore now. I don't like you anymore. The thing is, if either of you two asked me that, You have a detailed response. I'd probably be like, why am I so close to you? But I probably wouldn't have an answer. Why do you like me? We could go around and we could ask why do you guys like me. No, I'm not answering because I'm not a faggot. Why do you like me, Andy? Why do you like me, bro? Why do you like us? You've got clean clothes. Not really. Sometimes. Not now. You just like him because he has clean clothes. I was getting ready to get some of that heartwarming moment or some shit. You just said something not true. You know why I like you guys? Keep your enemies close. You know that saying. Shut up, you fucking retard. And Muddy, I'm like, you know, he looks good with headphones on. Thanks, man. That's pretty... When did the last time you tell him that? I'm just saying. That's how I appreciate you guys. That's a nice thing about me, each one of you. Oh, you're one of the most generous dudes I know. Damn, fuck, dude. Why would you do that to me? You're a cocksucker, dog. I fucking hate you, you redhead prick. I thought that was a nice thing. Yeah, go on. What do you got to say, G? I got to say something, too. Um... Jade's also one of the most generous dudes I know. Thanks, man. He's broke all the time. And you're close to doing that too. I am. I am. I think it's impressive. you're impressive in stature I think you're impressive you impress me you got a lot of stories but you seem like I hope you're not a has-been because a lot of your cool stories are from the past and right now all you do is vape and watch reels so I want you to not be a has-been so I want I guess that's what I like about you is your cool old stories your gameplay has gone down over the years you're like for starters statistically not true my KD has gone up no but like your real life gameplay is You were just fucking watching videos. Yeah, well, that didn't feel like a nice thing. I guess. As some of the first people I've actually spoken to this week, because I've been playing a lot of video games, eating a lot of Dexamphetamine. That's really nice, though. I'll take it. That's good. That was good, man. Thank you. Fuck you. some constructive bits to it too. Yeah, well, that wasn't, it wasn't, hey, analyze my whole life and tell me what you think. Hey, I've never been drug tested at a job. I've literally shown up to work sites on heroin, on ice, on juice, never drug tested. That was the guy's name. Yeah. All right. He rolled into work in a giant orgy trying to I'm on heroin I'm on I'm on heroin Yo this is juice Yo this is juice We named him after the dude That killed his wife This is juice The best part was We all got out of like A Mini Cooper So I was like It's just like Four dudes like me Just obviously on drugs You're only on Dexys though Yeah Just a boulder of flesh and cum Alright well That's crazy That's wrong But yeah dude You're a fucking piece of shit I don't even appreciate that You contribute nothing to no one Well What happened? I forgot what happened. I don't know what happened either. And your dad thinks you're a faggot. That's true. Okay, I'll give you the dad one. Get a truck, pussy. Fucking bitch. He's just muttering shit. I love that. No, no, you're cool, G. You're cool, G. Keep it moving, keep it moving. You're cool, G. He's drinking a 40 on his front stoop. Now say something nice. You get an O. about Muddy. Maybe be constructive for him as well. Are we going to do this all around? Well, no, because we've already done it. We chose to say nice things about you. You're the one who wanted to tell people how to improve their life. So, Ajit Tate, what do you think of Muddy? I love Muddy so much. He's one of my best friends. Yeah, you're a cocksucking dog. Stop crying. But the thing I should say to him is I think he should maybe shave his neck so he doesn't have one body of hair connecting everything. It goes to my back too. Yeah, it connects his whole body just like a suit of hair. I'm trying to Sasquatch out, bro. It's pretty alarming. Well, that's my money thing. Did you guys say a nice thing about me there? I did. I said you're generous or whatever. You said something too. You're a good driver some of the times too. I have a similar story from that thing about gay cuts. Why do you like me? But like the complete opposite. In year seven, there was this like dorky kid in our class. And we never really, we never talked to him or anything. We never fucked with him or nothing. It was just some dorky kid in our class. Then one day out of nowhere, he came up. to us and he just like walked up to us and he was like hey guys why do you hate me oh no and then we all just kind of laughed at him because we were like what the fuck and then he just walked away and then we kind of fucked with him the rest of the year like he just kept saying why do you hate me and i don't know why he said that yeah but it was like the opposite of your thing right yeah yeah two different origin stories i just passive aggressively never sort of made new friends no I just bullied this guy he just bullied a guy who was like lonely as fuck no he wasn't lonely he had friends he just thought we hated him for no reason well maybe because you spent the whole school year bullying the little guy maybe because he asked you why you hated him the bullying only started because of his question saying why do you hate me why do you hate me do you reckon it's because you bullied the cunt maybe the bullying only happened because of his question he did it to himself It's a classic fucking Drew Evans defense. It's the dork conundrum. It's like you wouldn't be a dork if you could just be yourself. But you are a dork, so you're just fucked. Why do you care if we hate you? We've never said anything to you before. And now you're saying that, now we're going to fuck with you. Yeah, no, yeah. That's just what it is. It's literally bringing it on yourself. The spew paradox. I haven't got any stories from high school because I'm not a has-been. I'm still, I haven't graduated yet. Yo, I actually haven't. Here's a cool story. He likes to hold a grudge. Yeah, no, that's cool. I haven't finished any school since year eight. It was gang, dude. I was just doing hood rat shit with my friends in Broadmeadows, man. What? Just in Broadmeadows, man? You're so pissed off. You're so off it right now. You ever go to the TGI Fridays in Brody, bruh? No, there's no TGI Fridays in Brody, cuz. Yes, there is. Maybe now. Not really. Now it's an open air mall. Hey, you ever been to the... one bakery and fucking bar with heads cut where are you from it might have been good but tweed river where are you from tweed river yes pretty much you guys should fight we're not fighting man we're friends it'd be good podcast content like punch on in silence it'd be great instagram content punch on in silence is this water fuck yeah it is I always get my boys some h2o massive jug I love it yeah dude go stay hydrated it's how I have such big lows dude how I pump four litres of water a day easy Not to fucking brag, bruh. I don't believe that. Are you counting beer as water? No, I drink two liters easy every day at work. I got a big-ass jug like that. All right, all right. I guess I'm defensive because I don't believe your silly made-up story. It's not made up. So no one ever really asked me why I didn't like him or what I liked about him. I definitely didn't spend a whole year bullying one kid because I just tried to find out why some kids are a bit like being weird to me. Were you one of those entrepreneur kids that would sell candy and shit? Yes, but that has nothing to do with his story. I was like, when I was in high school, like year seven, year eight, I was friends with like the weird kids. Same. And then I don't know why, but we kind of just picked these two kids who didn't really know each other. And we just like spent the whole first term convincing them that they hated each other. Like just fully set, like walking around the halls and shit being like, hey, like ginger mike he fucking he said yeah there was a ginger one named mike i can't remember the brown haired kid's kid he was some wog but um kind of sicky dude you're like psyop we need them yeah we were literally we just gaslighting before gaslighting happened so long and then they got serious dude like they would run up on each other at like lunchtime and shit and it was a different time when i went to high school so you could kind of punch on before the teachers showed up yeah and these two kids we just bat the fuck out of each other you've been saying shit because we were walking around just convincing them they hated each other yeah that's worse than my one that's because the CIA took you out of your classroom I saw that but you're like yes be a master manipulator the worst part of it is the ginger kid he was a cool dude he was the first one to show me Eminem oh damn did he win the fight I saw him once after school at like the 7-11 at like 2 o'clock in the morning and he asked me if i had ketamine on me and i live here man it's pretty sick no no this was this was years after i saw him i was an adult at this thing oh okay i was gonna say ketamine was that even a thing back then yeah yeah i was like 23 when I first saw Ketamine come on the screen. I was 23. I was a very fully grown adult. That's what I'm saying. I think I was... What a weird fucking snidey thing to say. You gave him off a weird energy tonight, Andy. What do you mean, dude? It's because I gave him a beautiful compliment. He doesn't know how to take one. Yeah, I'm flustered. He's all flustered. Yeah, Muddy gave me a beautiful compliment and you just shat all over me. You said you were impressive. That's cool. I was impressed by you. I'm not easily impressed. I don't know if you know that about me. Tell you what, I fucking hate my cat right now. You stupid bitch. Like, I'll tell you what, you can piss on my fucking bed, piss on my carpet, piss on my face, don't piss on my fucking Percy Jackson book. That's when we've gone too fucking far. That's too far, bro. You stupid bitch. Bro, the best part is she's not your cat either. Yeah, so I gave her a couple of whacks. I gave her a couple of whacks. No one saw. No one believes you. No one believes you. Tell Chris. Tell Chris. No one will believe you. That's why Levi's in a stupid Daisy told Levi. Yeah, Levi's all fucked up. That's why you've been telling us to keep Levi out of your room. Because every time the door opens, he's trying to... If it's a big bag... I ate a bunch of weed and now he's all cooking it. But he's fine. He's fine. Yeah, you were flicking his dick before, which was weird. He's on the bounce back. That was something that was happening. You You actually touched his dick last time on camera. Remember that? I didn't. It was when he was all fucked up. You guys hold pets weirdly, man. I don't like it. I didn't touch his dick. I was holding him like a baby. You guys do. You do. I didn't touch his dick. Exactly. That's weird. I was holding him like he was a little baby. How is that touching his dick? Why do you touch baby balls? Yeah, I know. That's a weird way to touch. That's an odd way to touch the dog. Yeah, I know. It's just like how I hold a baby, guys. That's also weird is what I'm saying. Okay, let's go into that. Why? How many kids are you holding? Have you ever... Rock climbing and then you have something to grab like a hold. Yeah, in the shape of a baby's cock. Can I say you're working with children's check? Guys, I thought this was like a fun comedy podcast. What is this interview fucking interrogation bullshit? Just have fun. Yeah, now who's a has-been pedophile? What is your favourite reel you've watched this week? Pave it real, guys. We haven't done favorite reels this week. No, I actually don't have any. I don't remember. I was low on the reels too. Well, I got something that I want to talk about. First off, I want to issue an apology. for the people of Zimbabwe oh yeah you did get that wrong I did get Bangladesh and Zimbabwe confused but I want everyone every listener every dedicated listener to know it's a compliment to one country and an absolute insult to Zimbabwe and it's up to your racist brain yeah this is the best part this is the best part of doing a podcast with comedians because they ruin the punchlines I'm a comedian he called me a comedian I work at a warehouse Yeah, not for much longer, drug addicts. They checked your ass. They G-checked you. Yo, I ain't fired yet. I ain't fired yet. I just got drunk there because they need you till Friday, dude. It takes three days to replace an Indian. That's true. There's an exact clone of you coming out of this ooze in the back of the warehouse. He's still in his cocoon. Keep him till Friday. They're going to ask for a We'll sort the rest. We just did a little bit of your saliva, a hair, some fingernails. Also, just sign this phone bill. No, but I reckon they'll find me, but I reckon they'll just retest me again. Can I be honest? If I was a warehouse and you're a casual and smoked weed, I'd just replace you with another casual. I wouldn't give a fuck. I would be like, I'll tell you what, my fucking manager is such a gay cunt. He comes up to me today. Just smoking the car park out of the front. Yeah, I've smoked a joint in the car park before, but this motherfucker comes up to me today. He's like, oh, you know, just on a personal level, like not in business or anything. You've been smoking weed? Because you kind of smell like it. And I was like, oh, no, it's just my housemate, bro. You know, he's... he smokes weed all the time and then he's like he's like you mean Chris I know Chris he wouldn't do that anyone who knows Chris knows that's not true he's a great guy drugs Chris shut the fuck up he's in Thailand too he just knows heaps of value yeah but fucking so he says that and then he's like oh all good bro we'll just maybe get some deodorant or something next time and then he walks away and then my other manager comes up to me an hour later like yeah I had a talk with Jake we gotta give you a drug test mate I'm like yo so you're a rat dog already faggot Jake for fucking if you ever listen to this podcast you fucking dork fucking fag hey why don't you invite him to an open mic I reckon you're a sweet manager and this is just cool dude no it was a dork he fully snitched on you he snitched on you I did the drug test what if they were secretly just saying you stink I just wanna say my name's Andrew Moore and if you do fire a Jake give me a ring I need money I'll work I won't smell I'll work You won't smoke weed at work. I guarantee I'm a way better worker than you stoned or sober. Nope. There's no way. Nope. My job involves working for eight hours a day. Dude, work off. I've got a little thing. You guys battled. Who can hold a job longer out of the both of you for the rest of the year? I've got a thing called stamina and physical mobility. I'm just as physically mobile as you. Yeah, but I'm quicker. Yeah, so that's not always an advantage. In my job. The turtle and the hare. The turtle and the hare. You've never heard of that story, have you? You should. You should. Hey, why don't you know that book? Yeah, whatever, old head. Zero aura. Yeah, yeah. All I know is you lost 1,000 aura. Well, I don't reckon I'm getting fired. I thought they were going to re-drug test me again after lunch. So I did the coffee trick, but I didn't smoke a couple of bongs in my lunch break. So they drank it. Here, take this bit. Can I ask? I saved it from before lunch. Just skip that one minute. It's like a 12-hour recording of a JTAR. But there's one minute missing. I thought it was going to be my last hour. All his bosses are like, there is no bomb. There's no list of the bomb. No, I'm not getting fired, dude. In no way. You getting fired this week, money? Not happening, baby. You getting hired this week, cuz? Maybe once you lose your job. I'll make sure that I don't hire you. I bought the weed from this man. He's a pedophile. I hang out with him. You would have wanted an employee like that. I help him find kids. Why do you think I play so much Marvel Rivals? Every night I'm hunting for my friend Andrew. For starters, I don't play Marvel Rivals. I'm not a pedophile. I'm hunting for you. Whatever, Roblox boy. You're a Roblox You're a Roblox guy. It's a good gamer, I guess. It's a casual, good, fun game. There's a lot of like-minded people on there. Can I talk about that in Unemployed News this week? Because this is a fun, unemployed story about Roblox. So there's this YouTuber. His YouTube name is Schlepp. I don't know what it stands for. That's an anti-Semitic slur. S-E-H-E-L-P. It does sound slur-ish, but YouTube allowed it, so I'm pretty sure it's in the clear. Anyway, his thing was he's a pedophile catcher. He's one of those predator hunters. We love predator hunters on the Beyond Blue Bulls podcast. Shout out Chris Hansen, the OG. Yeah, shout out Gideon. Shout out Vitaly. He had a little streak there before he went to jail. He's going to jail soon. Full loser. Have you seen what he was doing? Now he's in the gulag. Now he's never getting out of Filipino jail. Anyway, so slap this dude. Wait, before you continue, can I just say, you've got to think Vitaly, though, he's got to be like fucking a raping cunt in a Thailand prison. Nah, they're gnarly in prison. He's lost like 80 pounds. He looks like a little shell. He's still doing pranks, though. He's pranks for cigarettes. Hey, guys, sparring in the gulag. Watch this cool prank where I jerk off this gang leader. I want to step on people's rags in the gulag. I'm doing this for a Snickers. no but Schlepp fucking so he catches pedophiles but specifically on Roblox like he's specifically I've heard there's not even any on there I'm on there but there's no pedophiles on there I'm actually also looking for pedophiles on there I'm on Roblox too I don't see any other pedophiles either it's just all guys trying to find kids but it's all guys it's that Spider-Man name but But basically, Roblox sent him a cease and desist. Making our game look bad with all these banned characters. These are our loyal fans. Basically, we're saying, hey, you're actually putting children in danger by telling people that there's pedophiles on Roblox. That's so gross. We don't want people. But that would be one thing to do. Like a cease and desist from the Roblox lawyers that... That would be one thing to do. Roblox doubled down. Added into their terms of service a specific section about fucking... Minor attractive persons. Oh, Jesus. And just basically saying, hey, guys... don't do this if you see pedophiles on Roblox. Just report them. We're pretty good at banning pedophiles. Just report them and we'll deal with it. It's actually safer for the kids if we deal with it. And you know the CEO of Roblox is just the most pedophile-looking guy in the world. Well, I'm glad. Great segue. Great segue. Because, allegedly... The CEO of Roblox on the Epstein list. Good friends with Trump? Was that Trump's inauguration? Photos of him, Trump, and Epstein? First of all, that's way more of a slam on Epstein that he's got the Roblox guy coming to the party. Yeah, you haven't played the game. It's pretty sweet. It's like Cabo Hotel. Yeah, it's great. They just talk to you. You brought the fucking CEO of Roblox, man? Come on. We're trying to do crazy shit. We're sacrificing to Moloch. Moloch. You know, that's like such of the uber nerd. He's like, no, no, guys, no, no, guys, trust me, I'm cool. He just cracks a baby. He just eats its beating heart out of its chest cavity. Sucks the head out of the tail. Yo, Roblox CEO is crazy. He's like, yo, yo, dude, what the fuck? Hey, yo, yo. He's like, yo, yo. Dude, season your shit, man. Season your shit. JJ's pouring Hennessy on it. Yo, my man's going in raw. That Roblox CEO was beef grabbing from the get-go. He was crazy. Damn, those Roblox characters are hot. The Roblox CEO just rocks in with like seven 11-year-old girls. Yo, what's up? Where's the party? Hey, Jeffy boy. You son of a bitch. Mr. Roblox man, do we get our Roblox yet? When do we get our Roblox? Can we get new skins? Hey, yo, Stephen Hawkins, stay away from the midgets. That guy's an asshole. Oh, no. Oh, no. Stevie's playing with his legs. Spaghetti legs. Fuck off. You're a prick for real. Jeff, fire up the jet, please. Jeff. Jeff! They've got Stevie Hawkins on a drone just flying him around. Hey, quit hogging all those cuties. How about you throw one of them my way? My way. I'm sick of this fuckboy. Baby, I got so many Robux. I will keep you loaded for life. I'm gonna go chill by the pool. That was fun. That was great. That was cool. That was cool. What's the rest of the story, bud? Everyone hates Roblox now. Roblox is actually getting sued by the Governor General of Louisiana. Damn. Can I just say, who's he anyway? Probably not even on the Epstein list, the pussy. You haven't got Jewish magic over here. The one thing, if you see a name on the Epstein list, you know they're loaded. You know that's a successful person. You should learn a little from them. Yeah, yeah. Like, at least a little bit. What, are you going to stay working at a warehouse your whole fucking life? I don't know, man. I mean... He's staring in the mirror right now. I really wish... I'm going to get on that list, man. I know a couple of people... You're going to know my name. I know a couple of people on that list who aren't very rich. Who? Who? Andrew Moore. The kids. They don't have credit cards or anything. You remember that... So, remember there was that rap duo from Florida, the Island Boys? I'm like, And there was that big conspiracy. It was like after their hype had died down. It was like Tony Podesta's kid. No, well, they were like. They look like Tony Podesta. the two kids look like the two kids that Epstein famously has a photo with on the island and they're just like everyone's like oh okay so that's why they kiss each other that makes so much sense and they're so demoniced out of their shit and you see that one of them had a baby recently ugly I thought Drake had the ugliest baby ever bro it does look like and I just want to say respect no respect to most babies who listen to this podcast we're pretty I pretty much have a 100% baby audience. The double screening this right now. The island boy baby, yes, does look like it has alcohol fetal syndrome. It looks like the reason the dad got sober. I did that? I chopped this chick. I was off three Xannies, a half a Hennessy, some weird pink cocaine. Maybe a little bit of fentanyl. And now look at it. It's a toad. I'm going sober. It's a demon spawner. It's got the fucking dreadlock. Is that thing from The Simpsons? The green thing throwing up on itself? Kill me! It's fucked, bro. Full grown dreadlock. The best part, can I just say, a good moment in internet history. Charleston White, friend of the podcast yeah he is big friend yeah we're just saying if you're in the area cars my I got you. Come on the show. It's pretty cool. We like what you're doing. It's a fun hang. But one of the soldier kids, one of the fucking island boys had a boxing match. And Charleston wife, for no reason, just like, hey, yo, your wife ugly. Hey, yo, your baby mama fucked up. Your baby fucked up. And the island boys just, they're like... Not even true. Were they two versus one? No, it was one of them versus... I can't remember who he fought. You know that island boys at boxing fight ready? Charleston White could just fucking clean them up in any day of the week. No way. He's a beast. It'll be like a Cataloob situation where Cataloob's got a drop of that 14 drop. And everyone likes Cataloob so much they don't like bringing that up. Yeah, yeah. We don't talk about that. I actually pissed me off that you brought it up. But it's hilarious it happened. Objectively, He's talking shit while he's in a chokehold. Yeah, that's so funny. What happened? I don't remember. And then there was a minute of deleted footage. Yo, what happened to Hannah Gatsby, the big Gats dog? I haven't heard from that bitch in fucking ages. You get one rape story, you can't really make a career off the same story. That's what it is. The stupid bitch, she should have racked up a few rapes, then went live with it. And then she's got special, special, special, special, special. Have you ever watched Nanette? Nah. It's actually crazy. Do I look like a faggot? No, it's actually crazy because I like skimmed it. But it's like, the start of it is just really bad open mic Australian comedy. Like, how's it when you're feeling blue, but when it's blue out, it's a good weather. Shut the fuck up. And then the hottest part of fire is blue. And then he's like, sauce, right?

UNKNOWN: 39:51

What?

SPEAKER_00: 39:52

it's so like it's jarring that she goes into it she does like the most just fucking milquetoast weird observational shit for 20 minutes. I watched that Nanette special. I was like, I'd smoked meth for like two days straight. That's the best time to watch it, honestly. My friend, I won't name them. Them? Yeah, them. If it was a dude, I would have just said I won't name him. Was he a them friend? Yeah. I was getting a them friend experience. We were just looking at tranny assholes. Put a pin in that We'll come back to that. We don't want to go into that yet. We've got big things planned for 2026. All I'm saying is lube up. But I watched that first one. I was like, damn, yeah, that's so cool. I really like that stand-up comedy special. That was so funny. And then there was another one of hers. She did that one afterwards. Yes or something? Is that her boy name? I don't know what it's about, but it's just called... Her boy name's crazy. Sorry, what? Trans name? I don't know. No, she's a lesbian. She's fucking a dyke, dude. She's just a fucking straight-up tux. She's just a true blue wasp. Yeah, she's a fucking Tasmanian devil. So what the fuck is Nanette and Hannah Gatsby? What's the name Nanette mean? Nanette was the name of the rapist. She got raped by a chick? Yeah. I didn't know that. Don't lie. Oh, sorry, sorry. That was a crazy. Okay, I'm sorry. She's pretty bush. She's pretty bush. She's pretty big lesbian. But he's like eating inside of his lip. He just watched all his hopes and dreams die in front of him. Yeah, she got raped She was raped by a chick. I didn't know that. She was raped by a nanny named Fran. How fucking big was this buffalo of a bitch? She went from the Queens and she slept in a cab. And that's a bullshit. Her name was Nanny Fran. The nanny called Fran. The nanny named Fran. Sheffield? Who is this dumb bitch? See, that's just news to me. Sheffield, I'm going to rape this something. Hey, guys, my name's Drew Evans, and I'm the new host of this podcast. damn but I wanted to say shut up can we pull up a picture of the net I honestly don't know what the net means let's so that was all made up then yes theater of the mind well I'm sorry to offend anyone about that if you got raped by a dude that's fucked up man she did another special afterwards I think it was called yes it was something like it's called Douglas no there was another one fuckhead alright jeez alright anyway big net head over here I tried to watch I was coming down off a bender I'd been eating a lot of fucking pills and acid this weekend yeah sick I was like oh watch this this will be funny it's crazy that every time you're coming down off all these hard drugs you just go to Hannah Gatsby you're like this will get me right this will get my head straight it was basically like I have this is my free time now like I wasn't going to do anything else I guess I'll watch a comedy special okay yeah watch this I watched like 7 minutes of it I was sober I was I was fully sober again. I was like, this was good because now I'm going to bed. Damn, that's pretty good. But I'm just saying, if you ever want to book me at Comedy Republic, I'm going to do the spot. Get me to do it, dude. I wouldn't even like... If Nanette really... Why did you stop watching Reels? I'm reading about it. He's figuring out what Nanette means. I want to know what it is. The real Nanette was a barista Gadsby encountered at a cafe who made her feel uncomfortable. The two never spoke, but the interaction was enough to leave a mark on Gadsby. I've never seen her since. I assume she's still kicking about somewhere. She was just an older lady who I would normally love to talk to, but because of what I represented, we didn't. You know when someone looks at you like you're the scum of the earth? That's why she called it Nanette, I guess, because I guess she hates... You know, that's a real petty bitch. That's the most petty shit I've ever... They didn't even talk to each other in that reaction. I think she's a great comic. I do love a petty comic. I think that's good. I think that's better than anything you've ever done, G. It's such a fucking nut licker, bro. Have you seen Chris... I believe in this instance, it's a cunt licker. Sucker. Got me. Have you seen Chris D'Elia's new special? He balls his eyes out at the end of it. No, he doesn't. I'm glad this whole episode is about pedophiles. I didn't know this was the pedophile episode. We're going back to our roots, guys. All right, Tony Magnusson. What a crazy name, Charles. Chris D'Elia. Peter loved that one, though. Peter loved that. Chris D'Elia cries. But it's funny because he probably built the hour over a year. So every, like... show on the road he'd have to cry was it a happy cry or a sad cry you're talking about him getting cancelled for being a fucking sick freak let's say it out loud for being a pedophile being like a cult leader wanting to have sex with kids a pdf pdf file Yeah, I'd make any man cry. And he's like, man, I was a millionaire, man. Did it make you feel sorry for him? It did. I was feeling so bad. 50-year-old, fresh tattoos all over him. I got any chick I wanted. My dick was so big. Everyone thought I was so hot and funny. I did Joe Rogan like seven times. I got so many chicks in their 20s that I had to go younger. C.O. Vaughn stopped doing podcasts with me. And then he blew up like crazy. And now I'm not even that big. It's literally that he's like, and I know my son will have to know. about this. Sometimes. Thank you. Good night. Do you reckon? His son grows up, yo, Daz, you was slinging dick. Hey, yo, Dad, I see you on the pedophile page. I don't know why his son's a wigger. Yo, his son is going to be a wigger. Malibu's most wanted. Chris D'Ali is a wigger for sure. Hey, yo, pops. He's like, what's a wigger but it's Zuma? You don't want to be a black guy. You wanna be a zoomer You know what I mean? A wiz We can figure it out Dude he's 30 You're 32 bro You're older than me I'm 27 We're born on the same day And you're older than me Chill out dude You know I'm born I'm born on the same day As Master Killer From Wu-Tang Clan Pretty cool Just saying Born on the same day As Snoop Doggy Dog I'm born on the same day As me Oh shit That's actually Gangster as fuck But user has been though I'll fucking kill you. Isn't that creepy, though? Night after night. No, no, no, because here's the thing. Ball in your eyes. Here's the thing. Oh, yeah. That'd be cathartic. You would love to cry at least once. You never was, Indian boy. You were a whole lot of nothing. I was your age. I was rich. Oh, what is this? Is this the has-been thing? What's going on? There's some tension between you two. It's because I called him a husband as a joke. Now he's so angry. You guys are on the casting cast. The only reason I heard you this much. He's telling girls that I'm not funny. What? That's what someone said to me. He's saying that I'm the faggot of the group. He's saying I'm washed up. And I'm just saying, you're Indian. You're gross and creepy. You're poor. You're about to get fired from your casual job. What the fuck, bro? I'm just saying. First of all, I never called you the biggest faggot of the spring. I liked you more when you were doing medical research, going to backpack around Australia. What happened to the Ajay that had dreams? Ajay Gump. Guys, what the hell? It's happening. It's still happening. It's still happening, bro. I'm just going to go to Vietnam real quick. Yeah, it looks like it, dude. I'm just going to go pee in the arm real quick, then after that I'll do stuff. Shit. Shit. Dude, you get really late. We're going to have to say something nice to each other right now. No, I don't want to say anything nice to him. He's an idiot. No, what's up? You're a stupid head. I give you all my weed and stuff. I will say you do smell good. Thanks. Alright, we're good, we're good. It's because you guys were smoking the devil's lettuce before I got here. I've never smoked weed in my life, don't ever accuse me of that. I've never smoked weed in my life, don't ever accuse me of that. You smoked a billy in front of me today. I have way too much testosterone. It heightens your estrogen through the roof. You start thinking like a lady. I cum three buckets a day if I want. I have too much testosterone, bro. Three fat loads. That doesn't mean you have high testosterone. It has to be what it means. I have so much cum. You've got heaps of gay guys cumming. It's so much cum. It's so much cum. It's got into your arsehole. Having big orgasms is a very feminine thing. At all times I have a gallon of cum inside of me. That's the gayest thing ever. You know how in your intestines there's un-pooed poo? It's like in In your balls, it's full of uncummed cum. Yeah. And you have big orgasms. My knees are shaking. You've got pinch in your nipples and shit. Fuck, I'm coming. Chris walks in the room. I'm just like dead, laid out. Pass me the water. I'm dehydrated. I can't move. My legs are cramped out. They've been cramping for the past 20 minutes. It was beautiful. I had such a beautiful experience with you. myself i found myself yeah i do drench myself back when i was going through my massage parlor though every single would get like oh wow what the hell what the hair like you have a feminine arm what the hell there's just so much you can't be so much what the hell what the hell yeah what the hairy brown james I feel like... That was good. That was like robot freestyle. Yeah, that's what I was going for. Thanks, guys. Those fucking skin jobs, man. I'm going to take them out, dude. Yo, I hope I don't get fired, though. What the fuck? Yeah, dude, that'll suck, man. That's bullshit, bro. Dude, you can always Uber Eats. I can't anymore. Because I've got the thing on my license because I'm a drink driver. You can still do it after that. I can't be bothered doing that. It'd be sweet if you could choose to have a drink driver deliver your food. Like you paid a little extra to help him out. You paid a little less. They just got like a fence on the car. Your food gets to you quicker maybe. Possibly. And there's a nibble out of it. missing three nuggets yeah there's three slices going come on bro I've been fucking driving for like 20 minutes your pizza looks like Pac-Man you're like what the fuck they try to do that TikTok have you ever seen that TikTok clip where it's like dudes who work at Domino's and shit and they'll cut a slice out the middle like a long line of pizza I've seen that sneaky shit and they're like haha they will never know that's good I would definitely do that trust me if someone did that to me I'd fucking know you could bust out a tape measure every time you're like wait a second I've got like AI pizza recognition eyes. I've got the Neuralink. You're Terminator only for pizza. What do you mean Iron Man? I just got the Neuralink. My aim on Rainbow Six has been cracker recently. Andrew, this pizza is 70% full. I'm just telling by the way these two bubbles line up and the actual cellular integrity of the yeast in this dough I reckon you've got a slice of the pizza I call up the pizza shop they're like no we don't you rip open his shirt he's taped pizza to his chest he's like god damn it he's after me I drag him over the counter and I almost got away with it too a lot of Indians work at Domino's a lot of Indians that's a weird switch I just got him I just got him I just got him in a weird guillotine just telling him call the police call the police I have him subdued I have him he taps out but I don't let go I just slowly I just slowly feel like it's not even a neck hold it's like a chest like compression bear hug he's been limp for 20 minutes he's just like so I called the cops you stole off me pizza call the cops he was he was trying to serve me a fake pizza the cops rock up and they're just like well there is pizza on the man's chest yeah But they're trying to see if the pizza on his chest is different from the pizza on my chest. See if the crimes are related. See, the thing is, mate, there's no mushrooms in the rest of your pizza, but there's a piece of mushroom on this little sliver here. I got a little mushroom for you here, buddy. I got a little mushroom here for you. Oh, mate, that's cruel. That is not appropriate. Pull my foreskin back on my flaccid penis. And I'm just waggling my little flaccid mushroom penis. Oh, mate, what are you doing? Put that away, mate. Mate, we're in the middle of Domino's. What are you doing? Come on. I got fucking meatballs for your pizza, too. It's like the body cam footage of the cop, and he goes... Cuts again. You're like, I'm a sovereign citizen. 20 minutes later, I'm a sovereign citizen. He faked my pizza. He turns his camera off again, then he accidentally turns on, and he's just pounding it. I was just like, It's on the dresser. That's all mushroom, isn't it, boy? The cup dash cam. The cup dash cam. You're on the bonnet. I'm just on the bonnet. My mouth is stuffed with like a garlic knot. The rear wheels are off the floor. You've got jalapeno poppers shoved in your mouth. I've got a mozzarella stick in each ear. And it's just like, squeal for me, pizza boy. Tell me you're a sovereign citizen. I am. I just wanted my sliver of pizza you're not subjected to the laws of this country well neither am I get on that it's just out the front of the pizza they're like what the fuck they're all holding their hands the guy's still unconscious there's like four Indian dudes three of them are legally here and they're like we can't call the cops on the cops bro they're like I left fucking Bangor to get away from this shit, man. Yo, bro, Ganglip, what are you doing? What the fuck? It's actually kind of cool that he's white. So that's what it looks like. Just like home. Just like a dodgy Android phone filming it. It's like 240pp. It's a fucked up glitched out screen. It's just like Indians at a swinger event. They're just like coming in and trying to get little touches and it's not. It's creepy. Do you mind? I bet his dick's been in a pussy at one point. Give it a touch. Give it a touch, bro. He still smells like fish. But for some reason, I'm still just gripping to this arm. All the toppings have fallen off, so it's just like... You look like you made it in a massacre, but it's just pizza. There's a whole mushed hole for your hair and shit. I'm sitting there crying. Get off me! Bleeding at your eyes. Get off! I just said I had a mushroom for you. He's like, Sanjit, go get a jalapeno popper. They're chronic, bro. Somehow. Shovel up his ass. I mean, it'll be fucking hot. Taste it. He'll squirm like a bitch. Imagine all the jitters. Hey, girl, jeet. Hey, girl, jeet. Ask him if he's using that mozzarella stick anymore. We run out in the back. We can sell that. I'm too bastard short, bloody fucker. I'm too bastard short of this mozzarella sticks and chips, fucker. The cops He's just doing tiny little spritzes of pepper spray. On to his own cock. He's like buttoning up his shirt again. He's like, you say you still want that pizza, boy? He's like, what? A cop just spritzing the head of his own cock. He's so fucking cute. He just like picks me up. It's either this or kill a black dude today. He picks me up by the scruff of my neck. I'm sorry. saving you Jamal he picks me up by like the scruff of my neck and he like throws me into the pizza hut and then just complete 360 he's like I'll get whatever you want mate you've got pizza all around you he's just like oh do you want the big bottle of Pepsi yeah you would yeah I guess I'm gonna stay at his house tonight he's just on the floor crying bottomless only have a shirt on asshole pleading weeping Pizza sauce looking like lipstick. The cops still spraying pepper spray on his cock while making the order. It's erect but it's dying and it's all twisted from the fucking pepper spray. And it's like his foreskin's gone back up over his knob. So it's like this foreskin but with like residue cum dripping out. He hasn't cleaned himself up yet. And he's just like, oh, I know that visual. Hey, Prejit. Hey, Prejit. Have you got two Panadol? My mate's hurt his nose. And he's like, sir, my name is Steve fucking bloody. Get a frozen mochi stick for his asshole. It's a bit hot down there. He's got the little detective notepad. He just rips one of the papers off, rubs his cock with it. It's got like details of like a break and entry. Machete attack. Yeah. I guess I'll wipe my cum on that. Oh, fuck. Did I do meth and spray pep spray on my cock again? Fuck, I did it again. It's just a vine and he just rips his cock off a little bit and then just slaps it on one of the Indian guys. That's the vine. 800 bucks. Fake pizza. You don't do that. This is fucking Smith Street. Also, fuck it. You haven't heard of deodorant, cunt. Fuck's sake, mate. It smells like a bomb by a village in here. If you wake up in this country, learn to do that. It's crook. It's crook. Get a dictionary and learn the word assimilate. Because this is fucking crook. He's a second generation Indian. One chicken biryani. Sir, this is Domino's. Yes, yes, with Papa Don. Sir, this is Domino's. We don't do chicken biryani. Yes, and a medium. I do have some on me. Yes, and a medium rice. He's like, bro, we don't have chicken biryani here. He just turns around and says, Oh, looks like there's a pot. Who would have thought? I got a little bit of chicken biryani. We'll give him the mixed bag. I swear every second Uber Eats driver I get, you see their favorite foods when you click in their profile, it's always biryani. Every second Uber Eats. I promise you I've never checked that in my life. I love checking that shit. I've never seen that. I saw a dude that said his mission, he said you can add to your bio while you deliver. This guy said to help out horny women. The most Indian motherfucker ever. It was so sick. I do service for the girl. His name was like Sharif. Sharif. Sharifadin. I do service for the girl. To deliver horny women. And then he delivered me an HSP. Got any babes in there, bro? Can we hang? We want to play dice? I'm pretty cool, dude. Want to play dice? I've been YouTube tutorialing dice. Sorry, bro. I don't got any bitches. Fucking again, man. You're gay, bro. You don't have any bitches in your world. You should get drunk, bro. Bro. No bitches, no truck? Honestly, get truck, bro. Did you ever notice how brutal the racism for Indians is online? I didn't realize that until I went on Instagram reels for the first time like two months ago. And I'm like, yo, everyone on Instagram hates Indians. They fucking hate. I thought I was racist to Indians. And I started using Instagram for a day. And I'm like, yo, I'm fucking proud of being Indian. This is bullshit. It gave me some Indian pride. The least Indian motherfucker ever. For starters, I thought we decided you were Malaysian. I'm Malaysian Indian. I'm Malaysian Indian Australian. I'm very multicultural person another pick me I'm Malaysian Indian Australian for seconders those ratios are way off my friend I tell you I'm on Instagram reels a lot very documented on the show that I know what's happening in the Instagram world reel and I've kind of if I'm being honest with you and the listeners I've overdosed on antisemitism like I can't like it's getting to the part where I'm returning and I'm like fuck me man, maybe I've got to defend the Jews. Yeah, I know. It is like that. It's a bit hectic. Well, it's like I was doing it before it was cool. Now it's like all gnarly. Now I'm like, nah, Jake's the man. I was doing it in 1932. It was way before anyone even cared. What happened then? I don't know. I'm not a fucking historian. What am I, fat? You fucking history, bro? Yeah, the only history I know is Greek mythology. Percy Jackson, what's up? Yeah, trust you to know the gay philosophy. Trust you to know the one about fucking little boys. There is no fucking little boys. There's a lot of fucking little boys. There is a gay little boy. It was depicted on the temple. Percy, we must destroy the list. They cannot find the list. They cannot get that to the media. Zeus, get the list and put it in Hercules' ass. Yeah, take that, take that, take that. Hades has just got a big black glove on. He's got one of the strongest asses in all of... I think we need a pause for a second. We're talking about a lot of gay rape today, and it's awesome. Take that, take that, take that. But it's a lot. Take that, take that, take that. Stop raping a dude. Take that, take that, take that. We just broke down my brutal rape scene of all people. I don't know why I had to call it. It was a good scene, bro. We painted a picture. Hey, hey, we... Get our money's worth. Just the cop car was just pizza, like smeared all over the front of it. I'm going to have a con, guys. Should we stop? No. Keep going? Why not? I'm fine to keep. You want to pause for a sec? No, I'll keep it going. Let the people know. Do you have any more beers?

UNKNOWN: 1:03:49

I don't have any.

SPEAKER_00: 1:03:50

I wanted you to get some. I should have fucking got some. I'm sorry. Actually, maybe we can call it. It's vitriolic how racist they are to Indians. And I pretty much, 90% of the time, Indians are pretty chill. Indians have influenced your whole upbringing. Yeah, I know. I reckon it's pretty... They're Windians, though. Do you kind of resent Indians a little bit for having a bit of an annoying name? Yeah. Well, no, I don't... Because I resent Indians a lot, too. I like Muddy. Muddy's good, yeah. I like Ajit, but I don't like Ajit. Yeah. Ajit's pretty fucking brutal. I hate Andy. You don't like him? I hate Andy. A lot of dogs have that name. I've been meaning to bring this up with you. I've brought this up with you on many occasions. Can you call me Bulldog from now on? I was thinking... I was thinking Tiger. I just think it'd be cool if you guys... How about you call me Ace? That's nice. Ace Moore. I want to be tricky. You call me Tricky Fingers. Why don't you call me something like the Oxen? Something crazy like bull man. Yeah. Minotaur. Minotaur's got it cool. Centaur's way cooler than Minotaur. Can I just say Centaur? That is half man, half. Centaur's a man up top. Yeah. Sexier than a... Minotaurs are a bit different. Minotaurs bull up top, man legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would be. I would quite clearly be. I'm having a horse cock, cuz. I'm a fucking minotaur and I could have got a little bit of the cock, man. Yo, why are they giving me an Asian bottom half? Why are they tiny little... No leg hair. Hey, yo, what? Hey, yo, what? I'm still fat. I walk all day. I've got four legs. I don't know what to do. I've tried Atkins. Big bull face. You're just like... You're a jacked horse, buddy. Your legs are buckling every few steps. Yeah, it's heavy as fuck. Have you seen that video of that fat chick going on a horse in the hole? She just flips over. That's what I'm imagining. I can still ride horses. I just wrote that on the record. I love horses. When was the last time you rode a horse? Shut the fuck up. Like a couple months ago. Really? You're out of equestrian way for sure. My auntie has a horse farm. Really? Can I come over and ride horses? My auntie does equestrian. She's in the Paralympics. That's so cool. Can I come over and ride horses? I've also Yeah. You actually sound so fun. My mum lives there. I haven't ridden a horse since I was in prep when we went to a farm. I used to be really good at horse riding. I'm a preppy kid. Yeah, I rode a horse in the last year. Fun as. Yeah, of course you did. They also sort of let me. You're a rugged country boy. No, they also sort of let me lead the whole trail. They're like, you've got it so good. Was it just a bunch of wild horses and you just walked up to them and like. Shush. Hey, money. Money. Money. It was like a cologne ad. I was driving in a convertible. Lost 10,000 aura. Thanks, brother. Aura for me. Lost. Lost it all. You risked it all, but you lost it all. Yeah, no. Fucking rhinos is sick, but it hurts your nuts bad, bro. Yeah. Bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was on this little... He was a bad little chestnut. And he was sort of showing me the reps while I was sort of showing his the reps too, you know what I mean? I used to have a horse. It was like it was my auntie's horse, but they always said it was my horse because she got it on my birthday. His name was Young Ted. I love Young Ted. Still to this day love Young Ted. What color was it? Still alive? Yeah, still alive. Oh, still alive. Still alive. It was, there was an arena show, The Man from Snowy River. It was about the poem called A Man from Snowy River. I know that poem. Yeah. I love poems. Especially about, like, nature and shit. Banjo Patterson and Jeet. You'd like that shit. You'd like... I don't know what that is. Gay vehicle. This is the lowest effort, man. You would like that. You like gay stuff. Fuck. No, no, that was a great slam. It was a subtle slam. My horse, young Ted, was the horse... of the man from Snowy River in the Arena Spectacular. That's pretty good, dude. That's a show horse, dude. That's a show horse. Could you sell it for some real money? Well, I couldn't because it's not my horse. You should turn it into lollies. He says it's your horse. You should turn it into lollies, dude. Imagine how many lollies you could have. Then how am I going to ride? Think of the lollies, bro. You can go... Dude, you should sell your car and ride a horse in the streets of Melbourne. That would be sick. Like a fucking G. The most unemployed man. He's just riding a horse around. He found a way to avoid petrol keys. You might be onto something there because there's a dude from Sydney, Horse Vibes, who's just some, like, full proper Sydney lebo. Yeah. On horseback, though. He just, like, rides around the most lebo area. He's just on the fucking Parramatta Road. Bro, how cooked is this? I'm on a horse car. It's like fucking Oge. Look at this. Bro, this is fucking Oge, bro. This is fucking crap. Bro, hey, bro. Cops trying to pull him over. He's like, what do you mean? Pull me over, I'm on a fucking horse. He opened up in a shot. Where you got the kettle, lad? minus 5000 yo i love these aura stats wait who's ahead in the aura charts this episode muddy's still ahead oh what the fuck you're down or i'm down or for what you said a couple things earlier i can't remember it's because i called him a has-been no no that was not or a loss go back through the episode there was a reason you lost or i can't remember but i do remember i Took away$100,000. You just took away$500,000 from him. No, I took away$5,000. But he gave me$10,000 earlier. He got$10,000 earlier for being the assumed leader. The assumed leader. The assumed leader on the horse trip. Yeah, because I just busted out in front of the trip, told them all, like, I got this. Do you believe that fucking bullshit story? 100% that happened. I was galloping the whole time while everyone was trotting. Shut the fuck up. You were galloping while they were trotting. Shut the fuck up, bro. Muddy's job didn't drug test him. He knows what he's talking about. You're affected. I drive an iron horse all day, too. What does my fucking job drug test him you have to do with anything. It is so annoying that they drug test you. You know what they said, the cunt said to me? He was like, this is the first time I've ever used one of these. I'm the first fucking motherfucker that he's drug tested in the whole existence of this warehouse. What the fuck? They're just big skull pliers to measure your head. I've never used these. This is actually kind of racist. Well, I have a few incisions and stitches. I've got like 18 stitches on my arm. Tomorrow at work, his boss is just like, well, we need to see his skull. That was the language section and then you're like, oh, hello, my name is Ajita Hunter. A toffee, a toffee, oh, that's just speak that oh Harold I'm back oh no too much India too much India yeah they're like turning lobes they're just like they're like grabbing those lumps oh what are you talking about oh Harold how are you doing next part he's like you can just put the XLR cable into my little soft patch that they did it they put a USB USB C port in there so you can plug you into the car well you know they gotta like find out if you smoking weed that morning, you know what I mean? So they kind of just turned you into a cyborg, right? They're like, we've created the perfect employee, doesn't smell like weed, he's punctual, he's super reliable, but he only speaks Chinese and he's trans. Why am I trans? They fiddled with the knobs too hard. Sorry, pal, I fiddled with the knobs. Fiddling with the knobs, a theme of this episode. oh but did you see if I was smoking weed or not oh man you guys see me smoking a bong with my results stoned we're like can we can you take us to your like warehouse where you work it's like up a massive mountain it's all Transylvania it's inside a mountain it's a giant laboratory for the customers it's a fucking Marvel Avengers laboratory what do you do here you're like oh it's bathroom shit fucking Spurs shit bro I just picked Spurs kitchen shit I don't know man I just you know there's a hedge maze over there bro I smoke my bongs in there sometimes it fills up with blood but don't look up there there's a guy just shining staring down like yeah there's my manager over there it's an outline it's an outline of the castle's owner but then you find then you find out it's just the corpse he's got a strings tie he's my co-worker He's probably my best mate. It's a rat that can talk. You take off your hoodie and the rat's just gone. You're like, oh. He actually has paid more than me. You just start furiously jerking off before you've grabbed your bags or anything. You're like, oh, sorry, boys. It's the rat. The rat's asleep. I'm just whacking off. He's sleep wanking. He's like, the rat's asleep on your head. But he's tugging your hair. He's not even. I'm just blaming the rat. Everybody chill. My managers have come. Just two identical little girls. Come play with us. No, no. It's not my break time yet, girls. What are you playing? You kind of smell like weed. There's a baby crawling up the wall and its head turns around. 180 degrees. Oh, that's just a cleaning lady. She's fucking cool. That's a good job. She's like, I'm taking monster sheets in that toilet. And Jean, I bought us chicken skewers for lunch. She just like vomits blood. Crawls off speaking a dead language. She's crawling off speaking aromantic. She's a pretty cruel guy. She's cruel guys. Dude, she's actually cool as to chill with. She's down Not bad, for real. Yeah, anyway, I've got to clock in. I just, like, my whole hand turns into a fucking aux port. Clock into the wall. You're like, I've got to clock in. I've got to clock in. A portal just opens up underneath you. You fall to the depths of hell. My eye starts bleeding. I just walk around picking up spoons. Just doing pick a pack up. You're in a very normal, like, tug of war. My eye's bleeding. Oh. profusely yo this this place going to darwin imagine what's in darwin came straight from lucifer's pond of fire today it worked not so bad that new ue box just like snaps in half yeah well they kind of got rid of my ability to shit i'm now a human that doesn't release any excrete any feces or nothing i'm actually running at 100 efficiency god damn my Billy's head. Well, yeah. That was a fun one, fellas. Love you guys. Bye.