On the Spectrum Empowerment Stories with Sonia Krishna Chand: Autism, Neurodivergence, and Mental Health

Escaping Toxic Love with Lindsay Abernathy

• Sonia Krishna Chand | Autism and Neurodivergent Mental Health Coaching Expert • Season 2 • Episode 44

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Lindsay Abernathy shares her powerful journey through domestic abuse and offers practical guidance for survivors trying to rebuild their lives after toxic relationships.

• Abuse can hide behind the appearance of a perfect life with fancy houses and cars
• Many victims don't identify their situation as abuse because it doesn't match stereotypical portrayals
• Abusers collect vulnerabilities early in relationships to weaponize them later
• Warning signs include love bombing followed by devaluation, criticism, and control
• Financial abuse keeps many victims trapped with no access to money or resources
• Trauma creates poor decision-making abilities, increasing the difficulty of leaving
• Documentation is crucial both during the relationship and after leaving
• The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when attempting to leave
• Safety planning includes securing documents, building a support network, and having an exit strategy
• Never confront an abuser in person when leaving - get safe first, then communicate
• Strong boundaries are essential after leaving, especially when co-parenting
• Self-worth can't be stolen - rebuilding after abuse means reclaiming what was always yours

For resources and support, check out TheHotline.org, Aimeesays, or join Lindsay's community at BitchIsABadWord podcast. Also, check out her apparel at 2WeeksNotice.com


Speaker 1:

Hello everyone. Just imagine that you fall in love with somebody and you go into a relationship and you think, okay, I found my happy ever after. Most people, most of us, envision that right. We envision that dream you meet somebody, fall in love, have a happy ever after, start a family. Meet somebody, fall in love, have a happy ever after, start a family you know, have great memories, but unfortunately, for many people, that situation doesn't necessarily fit.

Speaker 1:

Instead, what happens is there's a lot of toxicity, a lot of pain, and here to help us travel through and understand the journey more and also how to overcome and rebuild after being in a toxic partnership, is here with us. Lindsay Abernathy, the host from Bitch, is a Bad Word podcast and she has her own merch company, which I'm super excited about, and she has spoken on this subject very brill and on her own show and has been has a very inspiring and empowering story to share with anybody who may be finding themselves currently in a toxic situation, and she is here to share her story to also help empower and inspire others that they, too, can overcome, they can rebuild themselves. So, without further ado, lindsay, thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for having me. It's my pleasure to be on your show today.

Speaker 1:

Oh, thank you so much. Now, lindsay, now I know that you had your own really fair share of trials and tribulations. Today you are a thriving individual. You have a very successful podcast which I absolutely enjoy listening to and, in fact, actually absolutely enjoy listening to and in fact, actually I've learned a lot just from listening to your episodes because I've shared some with some clients of mine. And you know I also because in my line of work I do work with people who find themselves in situations at times or overcome, or who've gotten out of bad relationships and feel horrible about themselves, and you know a lot of my work focuses on rebuild. You know I work with a lot of clients on rebuilding themselves and you know I would like to just kind of have you walk us through a little bit of your journey, like what kind of happened along the way in your journey.

Speaker 2:

Sure, I share a lot about my story on Bitch is a Bad Word obviously at the beginning, and sort of like how we navigate the road through and out of domestic abuse, toxic relationships, navigating post-separation abuse, what it's like to have to co-parent or parallel parent or whatever parent with your ex, and it's been an amazing journey to arrive here and sort of have some sort of clarity and understanding that I'm not alone in this. There are way too many women that are experiencing this and we're just not talking about it enough. So I always talk about my story in this way that you know when you're living a life, whether you have a life like I had, which was, you know, we had all the fancy houses, we had the fancy cars, we had the fancy life, we had seemingly had it all on the exterior. Internally, the relationship was nothing like we presented. And you know when you're speaking to your friends or you're out in the community or you're involved in a private school or whatever. However you're living, you are putting on this performance for the people around you because you can't.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't make sense. Most people don't even understand that they're actually in an abusive relationship. They can't imagine the word domestic violence or domestic abuse being part of their internal vocabulary or anything to do with their life. Most, some of these women are volunteering at the, at the shelters. They're volunteer, they're sending checks to the you know the hotline, or you know they're supporting these, these women that are in these tragic situations and they can't imagine that. You know they're not homeless or living on the street or, you know, roughed up by a guy and a wife beater with, like you know, a can of beer in his hand. They're living a fabulous life, they have maybe fabulous jobs, they belong to the country club, their kids go to private schools, and so you, you can't imagine talking about it, you can't even imagine identifying you as that woman and you can't imagine talking about it. You can't even imagine identifying you as that woman and you can't imagine yourself identifying as a domestic violence victim needing assistance, like a shelter or a place to go, because I say this lightly like I can't drive my Range Rover to a shelter and sit there with, you know, my Gucci bag and think that I need like that. I deserve the help that that other, that somebody else may need and when reality is, any woman, no matter what their station in life is, deserves the help that's available to them when they are leaving a domestically abusive or even toxic relationship.

Speaker 2:

And I'd like to share on my show enough to say like there's no safety in staying silent. So we have to talk about it. We have to say, like this is, like, this isn't a comfortable conversation, this is, it's mentally unstable, it's dangerous, it's all the things. And the more we say hey, listen, it can happen to you while you live in a gated community or have a gate around your house, or you drive a fancy car or you have all the bags, you, if you're, share my story the more women come out and say, like holy shit, this is exactly what I'm going through. But I didn't like.

Speaker 2:

I have to say, like some people, they're not even understanding that they're in the relationship I was Googling. Is this a domestically abusive relationship? Is this? My partner says this, is that wrong? Is that? You know? And I know it sounds so foreign and maybe to somebody who, like, is never experienced this or is educated I mean, it happens to educated women too it's not, there's, there's.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't matter where you come from in life. If you are being abused, you're being abused slowly. Most definitely it's not happening where you sit down on the first date and they're punching you in the face and you're like, oh, I can't wait to come back and have dinner with you tomorrow. That's not happening. You, tomorrow, that's not happening there. You know, you're you're sitting down with somebody and they're presenting really well, they are telling you all the things that are, you know, amazing about you and their love bombing you. As we know, we, this term now, and you know the abuse is like insidious, it's a slow burn. So by the time things get to a point where you're like I am so underwater, I'm so in deep in this relationship, we, you know, we have kids, we have this, we have whatever. How am I going to get out of it and how am I going to tell anybody that this is what I've been living through?

Speaker 2:

It doesn't because it doesn't add up, it doesn't make sense, and some people, honest to God, they don't want to talk about it, Like I don't want to talk about it, Like I don't want to hear it. Uh, you know, most likely those people that don't want to talk about it are like the negative advocate of your abuser and they're like my person doesn't do this, they don't behave that way. What did you do for them to behave this way? And you know so.

Speaker 2:

There's a worst that you know, and then they're, they're flying monkeys, they're going back and like reporting all the shit back to them. And then they're, they're flying monkeys, they're going back and like reporting all the shit back to them. And then you're like kind of, in this thing that we understand is now this cycle, and so it doesn't happen all at once. And or, if it does, if there's and there's always a warning I mean I had all the warning signs Um, we, we see these like pink flags that we think, well, they're not quite red but they're definitely not green.

Speaker 2:

So let me think, maybe I can like I'm going to give them another chance, let me see this one again, maybe. But I'm already like, I love them, I'm already into it, I'm already like so I'm going to be able to fix them. I'm going to let my love will change their behavior. It won't. I can make all the difference in this, like this person behaves this way with these other people because those other people don't get them, but I get them and my love will change them. So you kind of also get into this like fixing mode of these people, pathological people, and you think you know you're the one that's going to make a difference in their life and, all of a sudden, all their bad behavior is going to change and they're going to be the Prince Charming that they presented to you at the beginning of your relationship.

Speaker 1:

So when you got into your relationship, when was it that sirens started to kind of ring for you, when, like, what was kind of? What were things that like jump out when you like reflect back and you can look back and say, wait a minute, this was not okay. Him saying this to me was not okay. This, this was not okay.

Speaker 2:

I mean personally, like right away, just within the first few times of spending time together. But again, I just I, oh, I have learned that I thought it was something I had done, like, well, you know, or I didn't mean he'd like say something, say something really bad, but I didn't mean to say that, or you took it the wrong way, or so. There was like a lot of gaslighting early on in my, in the relationship, where I felt like, you know, you're sitting with somebody and you're sharing your most vulnerable experiences and I've talked about being sexually assaulted on my show, I've talked about toxic relationships I've had in my life and I've talked about my childhood that was very traumatic and super toxic. So I share, you know, I, I shared those things very early on with this person and you know they were so like, oh my God, I can't believe that this happened to you and, um, I'm going to help you.

Speaker 2:

I want to like, I'm safe, and you know, we, we kind of came together on this trauma of like, well, my, his relationship and his life were bad and mine were bad and like, oh my God, we're too. We've had these two really fucked up situations in our life and now we can come together and be healing and amazing, and you know, what I learned, though, is that these types of people are just taking inventory. They're listening to all of your most vulnerable moments. They, you know, they're sort of chameleon eyes themselves into, like understanding exactly what you've been through, and they love all you know. They love you, they think you're amazing, as they're valuing. They, you know your value is increasing and you're so perfect to like you feel very comfortable exposing yourself and sharing these vulnerabilities, but what they're doing is, when they're taking this inventory, they're packing it away in this narc vault that they're going to use later and weaponize your pain against you for more control and power. Right.

Speaker 1:

It's like they take your vulnerabilities. They want to use it against you. They want to break you down so that you feel, basically, more powerless and they gain more control, upper hand. This is, I think, a tactic that they use to keep a person under their spell, almost so that they feel like they're always the one in the driver's seat.

Speaker 2:

Well, and I always felt very you know, the things that I thought were so cool about me, like the things that I, like I actually liked about myself. They were also like that is so cool. You know, I was this actress on a big show called the Walking Dead at the time and it was like you know, I lived in this cool. I just felt like I lived in this. I worked really hard in an industry that's really hard to be in a place. That was really cool and during the time I was with this person, they thought it was cool in the beginning and then it was like the worst quality about me later. And so what I now know I now know was that that exactly what it is is like they put you on this pedestal and they make you think that you are amazing. And, let's be honest, it's okay to feel good about yourself. It's okay to think something you do is cool. It's okay to think like, oh, I'm fucking rad, I just did this really cool thing. And it doesn't make you like a self-centered egomaniac, it's like basic.

Speaker 2:

But I had been in this relationship for so long and I had never really had a healthy relationship with like a man before and I, you know, I didn't work on myself before and I had, you know, just had kind of had all these negative thoughts in my head about things. So when I finally met this person and felt pretty, I felt confident in a lot of other ways and I felt supported. When they started to devalue those things about me, it like put me in a in a spiral, like wait, why is? I thought it's very confusing when you're with somebody who thought, tells you you're amazing and then tells you you're the worst. In the same breath. It is very confusing. And so you're in this like this moment of like what, the what is happening right now? I don't understand what's happening right now. So I must be me, I must be the problem, because they're very good at making you think you're the problem but you're not the problem.

Speaker 1:

You're not, and you know what these people, they're very good at wanting to brainwash their I'm going to say survivors I don't like to use the word victim just because, well, I know like it's just part of the practice I'm in in general like I'm going to say they're survivors because you know what, ultimately, people are survivors out of this, you know, and they want to make sure their survivors feel the worst, and they're good at doing this.

Speaker 1:

It's just all about that. You know, I need to feel special and everybody needs to bow down to me and get down on their knees when I walk into a room and worship me and tell me I'm number one all the time, and that's what it all really comes down to with these kinds of people. I think that you know and they and it's so sad when I see you know people and, like you know, I'll get clients that come in and who've left relationships, um, and some of it, unfortunately, had turned into, uh, it there was some physical stuff involved, let's just put it this way and they'd they've been so brainwashed to a point where they were actually starting to feel sorry for the person and and so that, like a lot of that work is, you know, kind of like separating themselves from that situation and saying you know what that's not okay, like yeah, I love that you say that, because I had.

Speaker 2:

There was a couple of things that were very physical in our relationship and I remember after one of a very bad physical situations I the next day they were crying. I saw a side to them that I had not seen in a very long time. The first part, you know the, the vulnerable, you know sweet. You know I like this sounds so fucked up because I'm sitting here with very bad physical. It was bad. I'm in this moment like, oh my God, there he is. There's the man that I fell in love with, there's the guy that's like so sweet and so kind and he's okay. So he's just been so stressed. Life has been so hard. He didn't mean to do this and I'm trying, I'm taking care of his needs, his ego, his emotions, while I'm physically hurting, like beyond, and now that I look back with the clearer lens, I'm still doing a lot of work on myself. It's like that's the part that makes you feel so fucked up, because you're like the and obviously when they cross the line, they you know I should have left that day done. I mean I should have left many times before that, but they're not going to change and even if I spoke to somebody on my show recently and she, she said that an abusive person, like somebody who hits you, for example, somebody who hits you one time because they were, you know, maybe they were intoxicated, maybe they have drug problem, but whatever it is, for whatever reasons, like something altered their, their normal state of behavior and, you know, they did it one time. They could go to therapy, you could go to therapy, perhaps together, and they would never do it again. Right, they would change the behavior, they would do the thing, they would stop the you know, the drinking or the drugs or the stress or whatever, and they would never do it again. She says, though, very clearly you should not stay with that person while they sort their shit out and while they're in therapy, because they cross the line, they're done, they put hands on you, you need to leave, they may never do it again, they may never do it to another person.

Speaker 2:

That is, a, you know, a person who who made a bad, like something bad happened, but a narcissist or a pathological person who is consistently in abusing you emotionally, physically, sexually, financially, otherwise, all the everything in the course of control file. They're never going to change, they're, you know, and it sure as hell shouldn't go to therapy with them. But they are manipulative, they're there and they're going to continue to be horrible to you. And what's happening I like and what I love to tell our listeners on Bitches of Bad Word is the first time they throw that flag, that red flag. It's it's time to go when they say you know people and I?

Speaker 2:

I was called the worst word cunt, bitch, whore, everything. I've been called these words and well, I didn't mean it, they're just words. No, it's abuse. If somebody is verbally abusing you, if someone's like like fucking with your head, if somebody is, you know, using sex as a weapon, money as a weapon, those people are pathological abuse, like habitual abusers. They've most likely done it before and they're going to continue to do it again and you need to go Right and nobody should ever be subjected to any of that you know?

Speaker 1:

No even one of those things is bad.

Speaker 2:

And if you know two of those things is worse, three of those like. If all those things are like, and I feel like we're so conditioned as women to think, it's us to think like how did I create this problem? I mean, not all women like. Women that are have experienced toxic upbringings, right? So for someone like me, I have always been conditioned to like well, give them another chance. Maybe they didn't mean it Like be just, be nice, don't say anything, just like.

Speaker 2:

I'm like grossed out when I say the things that I used to accept and you know like, well, it's just a guy being a guy. Or you know all the things that women are told to just like sit down, be nice, don't say anything. I'm really trying to and this is a word that upsets some people is like radically change my world views, the way I think and the way I approach relationships. And I really want women, especially young women. I have young daughters. I want you to like you do not have to finish the date with somebody who's made you feel anything other than great. You can get up and walk out. You don't owe anybody anything. There's no more niceness no more politeness.

Speaker 2:

Just get the fuck up and go. Sorry, done walking your number.

Speaker 1:

There's a hundred percent agree. I've done that before. I remember when I lived in New York for a little bit, um, I went on a date with somebody who, um, he was asking me oh so what do you like to do for fun? I go, oh, I like to go and work out, and sometimes I'll go to Central Park and go run, and he'd be like you, work out, I don't think you do. You know a very snarky way. And he kept drinking. Then he tried to, I think, get pity sex, because he talked about how his mom died of a brain aneurysm and his dad had to remarry. And then, you know, he got up and went to the bathroom. I got up and I ran right out of the bar and everybody cheered me on. They were like, yeah, get out. But yeah, people laughed, I mean, because he said he was going to try to take a cab ride home with me. I said no and he, he kept forcing his way. I said no and I left, I ran.

Speaker 1:

But that's one thing I definitely will agree with you on is if somebody doesn't make you feel comfortable, you are not obligated in any ways to stay. You're not obligated, no matter how. You know and I know I grew up in a, in a family where there's a lot of pressure. You know I grew up in a family where there's a lot of pressure. You know, unfortunately, in this culture I grew up in with, where it's a lot of pressure to get married, a lot of pressure to have a family, a lot of pressure and a lot of times then too it's not accepted right when you're being single and you're being more careful, right, and so it's something I kind of had to kind of try to trailblaze a little bit and I kind of like what you're saying. I can kind of get the synergy with the radically changing your worldview, because before I always felt like I had to check that box off and now I honestly am really rethinking, like what is it that I want for me?

Speaker 2:

And that's okay, that's like. This is the thing, it's like we. We it's, I believe, um, in, especially like in the times that we grew up right, we grew up in this Disney culture and one day, your prince will come and he's going to solve all your problems and he's going to sweep you off your feet and you're going to solve all your problems and he's going to sweep you off your feet and you're going to live this fabulous life and everything will be taken care of. You will be kept by this prince and that's going to be so amazing.

Speaker 2:

I was a kept woman. I stopped working. I was actually, hold on, I get it Like I. Here I am. I had to fix something. I just said, actually, hold on, I got to like I. Here I am. I got to fix something. I just said I worked at home. I raised our family. I had the greatest job on the planet, being a stay at home mother. My ex could go out and build their career, continue to grow their network, continue to grow their net worth and, you know, build this fabulous life for themselves in their work life, and my job was to be home and support those efforts raising the kids, making the dinners, organizing the schedules, you know, and that is a job.

Speaker 2:

If you're not being paid for that job, that's bullshit.

Speaker 1:

I'll say this a million times.

Speaker 2:

It is a job women should be paid for and we need reform in that department. So, anyway, but I was a kept woman and I even remember my ex being like look at your dumb friends paying their dumb bills with their dumb jobs, and their relationships with their husbands are so bad because they're working. And why do you like? I was even called a child abuser for wanting to work, like women should, whether working or like not taking care of their kids. It's so wrong. Like this is your.

Speaker 2:

And so I subscribed to those things and I put myself in a financial situation where I didn't make the right choices because I was a kept woman and I figured, well, it's all going to work out. He's telling me it's all going to work out. He's telling me there's nothing I need to worry about, um, ever. And. But as society, we're saying like we're waiting for these men, these Prince Charmings, to come and sweep us off our feet because Disney's told us this. But if you look at any like you look at these Disney movies and you're like, well, hold up. Like one of them's sleeping and she's like getting you know he's kissing her without consent, right, one of them's like locked in a tower, the other you know, it's like these women are kept.

Speaker 2:

They have no autonomy, they have like, and they're just and you're like, you're beautiful, you seem really smart. One of them can sing. You know, ariel's changing her entire physical existence for this man, right Like, and then she'll be worthy of his love when she can have her. You know, sea legs or whatever, and it's so fucked up because we're bigger than that. We have more to offer than that as women. But what's happening is that we're meeting these, we're waiting for these Prince Charmings, but when someone's charming you, they're con men, they're conning you, they're wearing a mask, they're presenting as something that you have believed will make all your dreams come true, and we're forgetting to save our damn selves.

Speaker 2:

We're forgetting that we are powerful and strong and capable. We, we make humans, we are the ones who, like we, can make a human being out of our body. And then we think we, we are weak, like we have been conditioned. And so I think, when we're conditioned in this way, we put up with bullshit and you know, we put up with things that like, well, we excuse the behavior. Well, maybe he just had a bad day at work, or maybe the things that were this, or maybe no, maybe he's just a fucking asshole, like, maybe he's just not a good person, maybe he is abusive, maybe it's like. I really want to encourage women and I say this young women in particular stop like maybe being somebody's bad behavior, stop making excuses for people and understand that.

Speaker 2:

You know you don't. There's no spin stress anymore Like you don't have. I had kids in my twenties. What the fuck was I doing? Having kids? I have no idea what I'm doing.

Speaker 2:

I don't know anything about like life, you know, but I felt very under pressure that you know like, get married, have babies, be in relationships. Like if you're a single woman with a cat, you're a weirdo. Now I'm like, dude, I love those single women with cats. They own their lives Like hell. Yeah, that's amazing, go for it. Like I love being a mother.

Speaker 2:

It's my favorite, favorite thing on the planet and I support both having a family and not having do whatever you want to do, you know like, but own your autonomy, own be in a relationship and have your emotional autonomy, your financial autonomy, your sexual autonomy.

Speaker 2:

Like you need to have built some skills and we like on my show we how I'm building a bestie toolkit and I'm like here's all the tools that I wish I would have known. Here's all the things that I think that like we need in our she shed to be baddies and be in a place where we can say, hey, listen, you fucking suck right now and I'm leaving and I'm okay, I can, and I can leave because I have my own money and I can leave because I have my own car. I can leave because, even though I have kids, I, I have an ability to work, or you know. And so many women stay in really bad situations because they don't have resources and but it comes down to they just don't have their own autonomy and they're being stripped of it. So you know, you're powerless.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't mean you're hopeless. I want to make sure that anybody that's listening to your show right now it's not hopeless. You can get out. And if you're in a dangerous situation right now and you're not safe, you need to get safe quickly. That's the most, and then you'll figure out the rest of the shit later. But get safe first and then we'll help you rebuild. You know the rest of your life, but if you can start in a position like if I could go back to my younger self, I would. I would make different choices. Knowing that there's like this big bad wolf on the other side of that fairy tale that you just need to be aware of it doesn't mean that you shouldn't like enjoy the ride, but you just need to be more aware. And then what can you do? To just set yourself up to be protected, so that you can be the baddie in the bar who leaves and can get in that cab and go Right.

Speaker 1:

And I feel like that's, you know, I think, a lot of times too. You know, you know, I think what makes it also harder for people to leave is the fact that most people that end up getting murdered in situations, right, it happens along the time around. That time where people are trying to leave, right and this is where you know that's the most, um, dangerous zone of when violence can occur is that time when somebody's threatening to leave. That also makes people very stuck as well it does.

Speaker 2:

So. We have a segment on our show called bitch sesh and I. I sit down and I speak with survivors. They all have the same story, which, which is sad, but I love it, like not saying that they're mundane or boring. Everybody's story is the same. The pathological person that they're with is the same. I have a segment called Texties from the X-Ds and people send me their unhinged text messages downright abusive text messages from their ex and you wouldn't know who the author was. They are all reading the same.

Speaker 2:

These abusers are all sharing some like dirty abuse mag with each other because they all have the same like playbook, and the women are getting physically abused, strangled, you know, almost unalived, when they tell their partner they're leaving. So when I tell you to get safe, I'm telling you you need to get safe and then you need to tell your partner you're leaving. You should never and I'm going to say this on you like even in the healthiest of breakups, you don't need to do it in person, like you shouldn't. Because think about, like I've broken up with somebody where I'm like I definitely just like I don't like this person. It's not working.

Speaker 2:

But man, the sex is pretty good. So you're going to like have, like let's just have sex one more time, let's. And then we'll like let's have. Like you're just so, I'm just. I'm kind of using this example to say, like even the people who aren't being abused, when the relationship, this isn't working and you want to break up and you're doing it in person, you're kind of like, damn, they're really cute right now. Or oh, damn, they're crying or whatever.

Speaker 2:

And you're sort of, you're putting yourself distracted, yes, and you're setting yourself up to like maybe go back on what you truly want, and delaying the inevitable, inevitable for a while, and then it's even like tenfold in an abusive relationship, because when the average statistic is that a woman leaves seven times before she successfully like leaves a relationship forever those six other times.

Speaker 2:

Maybe she tried to leave when he just said bad words. Maybe she tried to leave when he just sort of like pushed her a little bit. Maybe, you know, it escalates. The person who's saying really bad words to you right now, who is like, if they are truly like a narcissist or, you know, a sociopath or like all like anybody in that category, right, you're their supply, and when you stop reacting to that supply, they have to level up. So when the bad words no longer hurt you, they're going to push you. When the pushing no longer affects you, they're going to do worse. And so you have to imagine that every time, these women and I have so much love and so much sympathy for anybody who's left, and if you're listening right now and you are, you've left and you've come back, and there's no shame in that whatsoever, no shame in staying, no shame in going back. There's a million reasons why you've had to do it Right, finally ready to leave.

Speaker 2:

You just don't do it in person. You get yourself together. You, you know you start to. You know, if it's if you don't have any access to money, but like, you can go shopping, use your credit card, buy a couple of gift. Buy gift cards Every time you go shopping. Get you know cash back and like, hide the cash. Get your like birth certificate and social security, like all that. Get all these things. They seem it seems kind of simple, but get these things together in a place, taking pictures of them.

Speaker 2:

If you have somebody that you can trust to put you know your valuables or your safe things away and you want to, you know, prepare for leaving. You need to be ready to go. I didn't do any of those things. That's why I have the show and set yourself up. Be mentally ready to go. Say I'm like you're leaving, but never say it in person. And then you leave and maybe it's when they go to dinner, or maybe it's when they go to lunch, or maybe when it's go to work.

Speaker 2:

Be like, be prepared to leave and then you don't owe them anything else and you don't have to ask for the relationship to be over. You get to tell them I'm done with, like I'm asking for a divorce. No, you're fucking telling them, you're getting a divorce. I'm telling you I'm done so, but be safe about it. So tell them after you've left, because that person's going to react, that person's going to be pissed. They, because these pathological and abusive people they want two things from you. And abusive people, they want two things from you, only two things power and control. Right, when you take that relationship away from them and you've made the decision to leave and it's not their decision you're dangerous because they're going to react in a way that could be completely unhinged and completely violent Because now you've taken their supply, their power, their control and they're pissed. Oh yeah, so don't do it in person. Get yourself safe.

Speaker 2:

I think that you know again, if you listen to anybody talking about you, know how to get safe and how to leave. If you can do it safely where you do sort of start to get your ducks in a row before you actually go. If you're married and you have kids, you know you start talking to lawyers. You know a lawyer, but a trauma informed lawyer, somebody who understands domestic abuse. And you know, don't have the like and know your shit's being tracked Like. Know your browsing history is being tracked. Most likely, if they've given you any gifts they've probably given you, like a phone or a computer, well, they're tracking you on those devices. They're looking at your browser history.

Speaker 2:

So you have to be like smart Maybe if you can get a burner phone, that's something you know if you've got one friend that you can trust or someplace you can go or go to the library. But like, go somewhere and have these phone calls, call an attorney, get a therapist, you know. Whatever you can do to sort of pack your go bag before you leave is very important. That said, some of us don't have that luxury or have that understanding and you just got to get out when it's safe and you need to do that too.

Speaker 1:

Right, you know, and that's one thing that you know, we, because as therapists you know, we we're never um allowed, um ethically, to tell a person they should leave an abusive relationship Actually we're tied in that sense. But we, our job, is to kind of help them process and come to that decision themselves. And then that's one of the things to me.

Speaker 2:

I'll tell them to fucking go. I don't have any letters behind my name. I don't.

Speaker 1:

You know, that's one of the things. You know people we don't. You know people don't talk about restrictions and therapy enough, but, um, our job then, and then when they do decide to leave, is that's one of the things we learned in our training is then you know, like, for example, helping people like if they don't have people, like if they don't have like okay, where's a way you can start stashing some money? Do you have like a safe place you could put things? You know, that locate, you know, and also on the phone, do you have that turn on location you can use or a way you can disconnect that eventually, right, like and I have to say this too, and I learned this from dr jamie zuckerman she's the baddie look at her stuff too.

Speaker 2:

Like she's got some really good tools. But you know, when we say they're tracking you, they're tracking you. Believe it, yes, but they're not tracking you because they really give a shit where you are. They're tracking you so that you know they're in control.

Speaker 1:

Right, exactly so that they can keep their eye and know everything about you.

Speaker 2:

And like they may not be like oh no, I don't, I don't know where you are today, I don't care, I don't care where you are, but they, they do. They just want you to know and like why they have all the money, why they have all the passwords to the bank accounts, why they have all that it's. They're not keep, they're not trying to keep you from having to like do man's work. They're keeping you so that they can control you and that is just it. And so like again, a controlling person may never put their hands on you Never. But if they are controlling every aspect of your life there, that's abuse. Never.

Speaker 2:

But if they are controlling every aspect of your life there. That's abuse. They, you know, if you have, you have to ask like for, if you get like an allowance, or you have to ask for money when you know you're in this relationship with somebody, and but like for basic needs, like I have to go to the grocery store today or whatever, that's abuse. That's financial abuse and it's like it's all part of this big domestic abuse world that we're hearing so much. Thank God about it. But the person never has to hit you for it to be an abusive relationship. And in fact there's a lot of people who say like I wish you would hit me. So then I could say, yep, this is abuse. Yep, he did it Cause the psychological shit is so hard because there's no physical bruises, right, no one can see that there's something wrong. But it's like I don't know how to tell you to get safe other than you know, or ways that you can't, other than, like what people say, that you know small little things that you can do. But the number one thing is like, if you have one person, and even if this person is no longer in your life, because you've pushed them away, because your abuser told you to. If you reach out to them, they're ready for your phone call. They want to help you. They do.

Speaker 2:

And so I encourage you listening, make that phone call to the person who you know has nothing to do with your ex, and then just say listen, this is the situation I'm in. No, I don't need any judgment, I don't need any advice. I just need to know that I can count on you. Can I come on, like, can I sit on your couch? Can I get safe? Can I come to your place? Can you help me with the hotel? Can you help me?

Speaker 2:

You know there's some women that come on my show and they say, like they ask their family, can you I'll? I have the money for a lawyer, but I can't let them see that I'm getting a lawyer. Can you get the lawyer for me? And then I'll, we'll figure out like I'll pay for it later, like just ways getting creative, going onto my show, resources and like and figuring these things out, but just knowing that you're there, you know they're watching you knowing that you're there, you know they're watching you right, right, and that's like the scariest thing to think about and, you know, is knowing like that.

Speaker 1:

You know like every move you're making is kind of being. You know it's like you're under a close eye all the time because you're just a thing to them.

Speaker 1:

yeah, exactly, you're just a thing, and it's just exactly. You're just a thing and it's just like it's. It's just so demoralizing then too, because you know it feels like you don't have any autonomy, any privacy at all. You don't have any. You know you might as well just be living somewhere else in the world where women can't go and do stuff, as though just be living somewhere else in the world where women can't go and do stuff. I mean, that's basically what it comes down to. It's like that you might as well go live somewhere where you know you have to be covered at all times or you can't, you can't go out for anything, right, like well, I mean, that's basically what it is.

Speaker 2:

They it's like you are their, their shiny object. And you know you're the thing that you're. You know that they can just like, they just want to keep. And they don't, they don't really, they don't care one way or the other. Like, they just sort of, they just want you to show up. They kind of want you to shut up. They want you to just like be there, be happy, like, and then just. But when you leave, you are no longer like. You become their like public enemy number one. And you know, how dare you You've, like you've, you've. How dare you leave me? I've given you everything, how like I've done all this for you and this is how you repay me.

Speaker 2:

They will manipulate the shit out of you for the rest of any communication. So I also say this we are so used to responding immediately when these people send us a message or demand things from us. We're so conditioned to respond. So I really like, once you're safe, once you've gotten out, you know I love to always give a shout out to the hotlineorg. They're there for you. Like eight, eight, seven, eight, eight. You can just text start to the hotline. They've got 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They will help you.

Speaker 2:

Once you're safe, then you need to start understanding that you are now playing a game of chess and they are five moves ahead. So it's all now about strategy protecting your peace. And what is your strategy? This is, obviously, if you have kids with them, but also, like, even if you don't have kids with them, like block their. If you don't have kids with them, block their number, take them out of your phone, never think of them again. They ain't changing. There's somebody else's problem now and move forward.

Speaker 2:

If you have children with them, you now need to get into a position where you are understanding that the manipulation is going to continue, understand that they're super pissed and you're not going to have some dreamy like co-parenting and even that's not even real. I mean like you broke up for a reason. You're not together for a reason. People aren't. Like if somebody is telling you that they have this dreamy co-parenting situation, they're working really hard to have it. But if you're in a co-parenting relationship with a toxic or abusive person, you'll never have that.

Speaker 2:

So just get over that fantasy, and I want to say it just like straight up. They're not going to change, so you need to just be like, and they're going to keep using you as an emotional supply. They're going to use, you know, financial abuse, litigate, abuse, all the things to continue to try to exert power and control over you so the more you can protect yourself, to say these are now my hard, you've done the hard work, good job, you're a fucking baddie. I love you. You've left, let's go Now. We need to teach you about boundaries and you're going to have a hard boundary.

Speaker 2:

You are going to say we are not communicating outside of a talking parents app. We are not communicating about anything that doesn't have to do with pickup, like school activities, extracurricular activities, you know, back to school or whatever. We're not talking about the relationship. We're not working through this. We're and we are using an app and the app is going to save your sanity. Because I experienced if I had heard a show like mine or had gone and done a little bit more research I would have the year after I left was like so hard and a couple of times I was like maybe I should just go back, it'll just be easier than dealing with this like emotional warfare.

Speaker 2:

Thank God I didn't go back. It was in life gets better, gets better besties. But if I had set myself up to understand that this person now is, just they're even more upset and now it's like they are losing the control and power over you. So you just need to have a firm boundary of like I don't want to engage with you. I'm not talking about anything else. Like in some of these, like we've had the founder of what Amy says. It's called Amy says and it's an AI agent. It's amazing.

Speaker 2:

You can like put all your text messages from your ex in her platform and then it'll come back Like this is course of control, this is this, this is this. You don't need to answer this. Like. It'll literally feed all, pull out all the bullshit that you don't need to respond to and and give you a response to help you. So these are like tools. It'll craft a response that takes all the emotion out of it and that it's not giving them any hit Cause.

Speaker 2:

Remember, you are a supply, you are a narcissist supply and anything else you give them and they like will hyper-focus on like one thing. You know, you said one word and that's the hyper-focus. It should be as easy as like picking the kids up at six and you just do like a thumbs up on the. You know, okay, nothing, you all. You want it to be. So you like. You can feel it. You can be upset. They're going to send you unhinged, horrible fucking messages about what a horrible person you are, your bad mom or whatever. They're going to say all this shit to you. You can feel it. It's going to feel bad. But do not engage with them. Do not respond and let them know that they're still affecting you, because they'll move on. When you stop giving them supply, they will go find a new supply.

Speaker 1:

Right, and that's also a good idea, to also find a way to have those messages If you can print them and keep a file too, you know, and start documenting everything you know while things are happening you know, with the you know.

Speaker 1:

And one thing that we also say is, like you know, I was, I was listening to Dr Romney on one of my continuing ed like from PESI. I do my continuing ed credits from there and I I still love to like learn anyway, with or without the requirements of continuing ed. So, um, and one of the things I remember Dr Romney saying is um, you know for, um, like even documentation for uh, court documents and legalities, like, because a lot of people won't understand the word narcissism, okay, when you go into court, so with your documents, like you know, when you document things you know, try to use as many direct quotes as possible, right? So if somebody said something to you where they were calling you names and threatening you in any kind of way, or if they're, you know, if they're saying certain things to you, right, that would fit, having it, needing it to be documented, you know if you can write down the direct quotes you know but do not use the word narcissist in family court.

Speaker 1:

No, no, no they don't understand it, because judges don't understand the word narcissism and the legal system still doesn't understand the word narcissism and even that whole idea of any mental just, even mental illnesses in general, right, even mental illnesses in general.

Speaker 1:

Right, narcissism, it's considered a personality disorder. But just when you look at mental health in general, right, the legal system still doesn't understand it. Right, even law enforcement, they still need to be trained with mental illnesses, right, because they don't get it either. Right, this is why there needs to be more education in these kinds of other realms, right, it's not even just, you know, just therapists or educators, right. I mean, this needs to be kind of something that we need to spread all around, because it affects all different kinds of services and different kinds of work. Yeah, services and different kinds of work, yeah, and so that's one thing that you know. One useful tip I got from listening to some of these continuing ed, you know. So it kind of goes along with what we, you know this, you know about having those boundaries and setting these things in order and being prepared and ready for that.

Speaker 2:

Document, document, document, document. That's what I'm going to say. And also, while you're in it, if you're listening, if any of your listeners are currently in this relationship, um, I really encourage you to journal. I really encourage you to find a place, um, that you can, because, let's, for example, you get into an argument or whatever happens, that person is trained and you are. You know, you're conditioned to be gaslit and you are being gaslit so much that you start gaslighting yourself. So I really encourage people to you know, I say, like, get your bitch Bible out and write your truth, because then you have a place to go back to later and say wait, hold on. When they flip the script and when they tell you you're crazy, oh, I didn't mean it that way. No, I didn't say that.

Speaker 2:

When they're gaslighting you and you're an emotional and you're in a bad like, in that bad moment and the response, you're either going to give up because you're like, oh my God, like they can go all day. Right, they can go. They're like the energizer bunny and you don't have that Like cause you don't need the supply that they need. So you get exhausted out pretty quickly. You need a place you can go back to and know your truth, know that it happened, know that you're not crazy.

Speaker 2:

And it's not, by the way, for you to say, look, I wrote it in my bitch Bible and therefore it's true. Look, I told you right. So now you're going to tell me you were wrong. They're never going to tell you that they were wrong, they're never going to take accountability, they don't fucking care. But it's for you, it's for you to have a place to say okay, I know it happened like this, this is how it happened. But it's also to get in the habit of documenting these things so that when you get to the court side or when you get to mediation, or you get to wherever you're going in the next part of your journey.

Speaker 2:

You know what happened and we're also living in trauma. So we have really poor like we, like we're we're in a trauma response always when you're in a domestically abusive relationship. So you're not always making the best decisions. You know you're just like kind of shooting from the hip and and so you need to have like a place that you can go back to, that it's like this is and it you're not. I mean, even in the best of moments, our memories aren't accurate, so you need a place to go back and say this is exactly how it happened, this is what he did, this is the truth and as you're documenting and there's also like again on something like talking parents, there's all sorts of cool ways that you can document, upload texts, document activities, like this pickup was sideways, whatever all the things that you need to do to just have a place that, when it comes time that you need everything together, you're organized. And I hope to God like I really hope to God that, like you're not in family court forever and they move on, and like you know you can move on You're again going back to like you're not a victim forever? You're not. You've made a choice. You can now move on and they're going to move on and your kids are going to grow up. So you're not going to be like in this forever. Like it may feel like forever right now when your kids if your kids are really young, but eventually your kids grow up.

Speaker 2:

So we need to get conditioned into a place where we're like okay, this is the part of my life that's really toxic and abusive and it fucking hard, sucks, but I don't have to think about it all the time. I don't need to be living and ruminating in that space because I have. I have my little like box for it and this is where I'm going to put all this stuff in my box. I'm going to put the documentation in my box. I'm going to feel those feelings I have and then I'm going to come over here to my growth and my power and I'm going to feel those feelings I have and then I'm going to come over here to my growth and my power and I'm going to start getting, you know, in. I'm going to be in the moment, I'm going to be with my kids. I'm going to be the best mom, I'm going to be the safe place for them, and I'm going to just try to be as present as possible and rebuild my life, and rebuild it in such a way that it's so much better than you could ever imagine.

Speaker 2:

But you don't have to be sucked back into their vortex every single time. And the way that we are able to do that is if we just have these boundaries, and this is like hey, I'm not interested in anything else unless it has to do with pickup and drop off, right, right and that's it. And you know, whatever the and they're going to use, they're going to use child support against you, they're going to use all the things and some of these men I mean, it happens with women too, but my show on bitches a bad word is for the bitches and it's like they, they, there's some really evil people that are going to do really bad things to you or try. But if you can get in a position where you're like you've surrounded yourself with support, you have a great trauma informed attorney, you have a great trauma informed therapist, you have, you know, all the tools to give yourself the best possible play in that game of chess, then you can do this.

Speaker 2:

You can do hard things. You've already done the hardest thing Right. You've left, so you get your body badge. I am so proud of you. You're here. Now let's keep the peace, let's keep protecting you and let's keep growing, so getting those firm boundaries. You know, leaning in learning, I've learned. I just did a show this morning about, like somatic healing. I had no idea what the hell that meant and now I'm like we all need to be doing that Like there's a lot of things that we could continue to grow, build community.

Speaker 2:

You know, I say we are growing this bestie gang. On Bitches of Bad Word. I'm like come join the bestie gang. We've got you, we're like we've all been there. There's no judgment, there's no shame. We're here to support you, so find your good support system, but just get that boundary built. Build a wall. Build a fortress. Build a damn castle, yeah, build your own damn castle.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, come on. It's just like, because here's the thing we always are so quick to applaud everybody for reaching milestones. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we shouldn't clap out loud for people who get engaged, get married, have a family, do the things right. Ever claps out loud for people who have left abusive relationships. And if you are listening to this and you are a person and I'm clapping for you, know I'm clapping for Lindsay right now.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I'm clapping for everybody who's survived. If you've survived a narcissist, if you've left an abusive relationship, I want you to know I am clapping so loud for you. I am giving you a standing ovation and I hope you can hear it and I hope you can feel it. These people deserve a big round of applause, okay, because nobody ever, ever, ever stops to think about the hardships that people go through when they're leaving. Right, nobody ever stops to think about it. If anything, people are so quick to be critical. Oh, she's just being dramatic, she's overreacting. She must have done something, actually. No, actually, that's further from anything that could be true, right, like?

Speaker 2:

there are things. Why didn't she just leave? Why didn't she just leave? It was so bad. Why didn't she just leave? Why didn't she just leave? It was so bad. Why didn't she just leave Well?

Speaker 1:

because it was so simple, right. I mean, come on right. I mean it's just like you know and that's kind of thing and you know what, and one of the things you know too, going on this, and you know you see this a lot, you know, in certain cultures. I could speak about this. You know the Indian culture here and I'm glad you know you're coming to having this conversation together because oftentimes too, you know what people don't understand, many cultures kind of. Also, it's like you know there's that pressure, right, you know, get married and all this other stuff.

Speaker 1:

But if there's any abuse right, of any kind, one thing I've gathered and noticed right is just especially like women are forced to kind of stay and take it. There's a lot of family pressure to stay and take it, community pressure to stay and take it. People don't talk about this enough. But there are also resources for South Asians as well that you know. You actually you know I'm going to try to see how I can connect you with them too, because they'd be great resources for you as well, lindsay, for you to get to know.

Speaker 1:

Amazing, yes, it's just you know there are, but here's the thing. It's like there are people like. This happens, right, even within cultural communities, and no one really says anything about it enough and talks about it enough. And there needs to be more awareness also in this as well, because just because you grew up in a culture which kind of forces it upon you doesn't mean that it's okay either, right. And I just kind of also wanted to put you know kind of tie this in as well and just I want people to feel that they're being heard right now, all people around, right, that everybody's being heard. And I just wanted to also bring that aspect in, just because I have heard of incidences and read you know unfortunate news stories that make it about, you know, unfortunately, women who get murdered right from their spouse, unfortunately, women who get murdered right from their spouse. You know there are, you know, lots that go on that. But you know, I feel like you know, but going to your point earlier, the more people talk about it, hopefully that's also encouraging everybody then too.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I say that let's get loud.

Speaker 1:

I'll be there screaming. I'll come with the bullhorn. I'll be like yes.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I'm always like let's get fucking loud for the bitches in the back.

Speaker 2:

And I have to say this like if you're listening, and I do say bad words, so go to my show and just know that it's not for kids. But I say the word bitches and I really, and I you know I I'm wearing a hat that says MILF right now, um, but stands for mothers in litigation forever, and I'm really believe in these movements and I also believe in you know, I was called a cunt all the time. I was called a bitch all the time. I really say this with love when I say, like the bitches in the back, I want to take our autonomy back, like I, and by saying that, it's like you know when, when our anatomy is being used as a vulgarity, you know bad word being slung in our face, I'm done with that, I am done. You know you have your own anatomy that you can mess around with and call people their names. But, like I'm saying, you know what? I'm a bitch, and it's okay, I'm a, and they're going to call you a bitch when you put that boundary up, just by the way. And so, yeah, okay, great, I'm a bitch, I'm a baddie, I'm those things and I'm good.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I'm a cunt, Sure, great, like it doesn't matter. You are powerful, you're beautiful, you're amazing. All the things that they tell you are not true. I believe you. I love you. Come join my bestie gang. We have such an empowering community of women. We've only been on the air for a few months and it's like the growth is huge and the response is amazing and people are like speaking up for the first time.

Speaker 1:

You know, and I'm so proud of you, lindsay, I've been so touched by your podcast and listening to things you've had to say and, um, you know, you know, I'm just so proud of all the work you've done, I'm so proud of you. I mean, I could start crying right now. I'm a crier, but I'm a crier.

Speaker 2:

You'll get me. No, I'll cry, crying right now. I'm a crier, but I'm a crier.

Speaker 1:

You'll get me.

Speaker 2:

No, I'll cry. I know I'm not crying. You're crying, I appreciate that. I love hearing that I yeah, I, I'm. I'm building my confidence back up too. So when someone tells me they're proud, I'm choosing to believe it.

Speaker 1:

And yes, you are. You know I mean, here's the thing it takes time. But one thing to remember and this is one piece of like advice I like to give to everyone and anyone who's rebuilding themselves is always remember that you always had self-worth. The first thing that gets stripped away when you're in a toxic relationship is your sense of self-worth. Relationship is your sense of self-worth because those people know and this is kind of where, right, vulnerabilities get used against you and things like that right, it's because they want you to feel the way you felt, okay, when you were that young little girl, right, when you went through stuff they wanted. See, that's the thing they get a thrill, knowing they can put you back to that little, to your inner self, right, that young, younger self, right. And a lot of this also goes into you know, and one of the things is you know you always have been Right, a beautiful, powerful, you know, special in your own way kind of person, okay. And your self-worth is already innate in you because you are here, you're born right. Everybody has that. That's not changeable. Self-worth is not changeable and that has always been remaining, and that's one thing you know. And a lot of self-esteem building is something really to invest in after you've left you know a relationship and are trying to rebuild, because the first thing that needs to rebuild is that sense of self and the self-love and the self-worth and the self-esteem. All of that needs to rebuild first, and it can be done. You know, and here's the thing, and this is even for people, let's say, even if you've not been in a toxic, abusive relationship, if you've been bullied, right, the same story will apply, because bullies do the same thing. Yep, you know, they're like that, they're like that abusive partner. In many ways, bullies do the same thing, right, so like, and so that's just basically. You know that, you know so.

Speaker 1:

So I guess my message to you, lindsay, and everybody else, is you've always been a very special, powerful, unique, beautiful, charismatic, caring individual. You've always had all the ingredients in you all along, right, they may have tried to rob it from you, but, believe me, what you have in you cannot be robbed ever, ever right. What God has given all of you is never anybody, nobody can rob that from you, right? And so that's my thing. You know, just get, you know. That's the. You know, just remember. You are, like you say, baddie, right, this is what we say, and also going to that saying, you know, like the word bitch. Actually I had a trainer one time tell me in New York like the word bitch, actually I had a trainer one time tell me in New York bitch boss in total control of herself. Right, there we go.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's what she said right, let's fucking go.

Speaker 1:

Yes, you know. So just remember that you're not alone. You know you. And also, if anybody needs anything, I mean just please don't be afraid to reach out for help, and that's another thing. There's no shame in the reach out for help, and that's another thing. There's no shame in the game of getting help. There's no shame in the game of getting self-esteem coaching. Working with a life coach, working with a therapist you know there's no shame in the game because you know what the strongest people are, the same people that ask for help.

Speaker 2:

It is so true, I'm so happy you said that and I'm here for all of your listeners as well. I strongly encourage anybody to slide into my DMs, blow it up. I answer all of the messages personally and sometimes people just pop in there and then they are able to just put it in words and I think sometimes, when you're able to do that and you know you don't know me, I'm not like, I'm not in carpool with you. It's helpful and again, I don't have any fancy letters behind my name, but I have lived and I have like a degree in the school of hard knocks. I'm valedictorian and I understand what you're going through. So please lean on me and you can find us on Instagram.

Speaker 2:

That's kind of where everybody seems to find each other these days, but at bitch is a bad word pod. Send me your DMS, send me your texties from your axes, whatever it is you want to send me. I will personally reach out to you. So I am, you know I'm your, I'm your bestie. So please know that we're, we've got you, we got your back, we're here to support you and anything, anything we can do um, resources, whatnot? Um, I'm here. So please, please, please, know and get. Yeah, don't be afraid, get loud, don't be afraid to ask for help.

Speaker 2:

And we also have like great resources on our show. So, and sometimes it's just like listening If you're, if you're listening right now and you're going through it, if you listen to Thursday's segment, which is called bitch sesh, just listening, for like these women tell their stories, and then they're. All of these women have a powerful ending or they're not even ending.

Speaker 2:

Yet they have a power. They're in their middle, you know, like they have been through the absolute worst and they are rising and thriving, so it's powerful. So Bitch is a Bad Word drops on Tuesdays on Apple, spotify. Anywhere else you listen to your show. Thursdays, we have Bitch Sesh and it's all survivor stories and they share all their experiences. And then we have a really cool community on Patreon, which is patreoncom forward slash.

Speaker 2:

Bitch is a bad word Super like. You can join for free, but there's like little tiers where you can go in and it's. We use a private discord server where we check everybody's license. So it's like super safe, super private and you can go in there and build communities, share your stories, find your bestie gang. You know it's, it's cool. And then we drop like merch and all sorts of fun things. You know give you little gifts for being part of it, but there's some really cool things happening in there and you know women are meeting each other from all over the world and going holy shit. This is a shared experience. So I just I think it's cool what's happening over there, as we, you know, we build the best gang. If you're in litigation, welcome to the MILF mafia. I got you.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and it's been such a pleasure.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for having me on your show and I love you and your messaging and your Instagrams are like when you're running I'm always like, oh my gosh, she's so funny, like I love her and uh, you know you, you're inspiring and I'm so grateful to know you and be part of this journey with you.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you so much, Lindsay, and I'm so grateful to know you. I'm so thankful you came on here today to share your messages. Also, if you don't mind, could you repeat what is that AI thing that people can use? I would also put this all in the show notes by the way.

Speaker 2:

Okay, it's Amy Says. So it's A-I-M-E-E, so Amy being like A-I-Sayscom, like AI sayscom, and um, yeah, her name is founders and winter hall. I can't remember what episode she's on, but you can go back and listen to bitches. A bad word.

Speaker 2:

She's on there but go, she's got it's, she, it's free, it doesn't record, so, like Amy forgets about you after you put your shit in there and so it's not, it's completely safe. But then Amy also can be your bestie and like understand what you're going through and you can like share all these things. But, like Amy says, it's a very, very powerful tool. And then always, just remember, the hotline is there for you, the hotlineorg. And if I'm in Southern California, if you're in Southern California, I have a foundation called the BFF Alliance, so it's bffallianceorg. We have partnered with a amazing place called One Safe Place. So if you need help I mean if you're in danger, if you need resources you know restraining orders, legal help, um, like if there's been any sexual assault and you need medical assistance One Safe Place, which is in Southern California, is one of our partners and we will connect you with them and they will. They have all the resources available to you, free, and they got your back.

Speaker 1:

Okay, great. Thank you so much for sharing all of that and you know, thank you for all that you do, lindsey, because you are really truly being a change maker. You're making a huge difference. Also, what is your merch line?

Speaker 2:

you didn't tell us about your merch line. Oh yeah, so well, I mean we've got, I call out. You know we want to be besties. We're going this bestie game. So I like on my show you can get cool. You know, bitch is a bad word, merge but then my company is called Two Weeks Notice, so it's the number two WKS noticecom, and just reach out to me. We're just starting this up and I want to help build movements. So as a creative, I create really fun stuff for myself. But in our show I'm just speaking to so many people now that are like oh, I have this thing I want to do and I don't know how to do it. I, I'm your, I'm your girl. So we will create your merge and create your movement for you and help you get going.

Speaker 1:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, because you know, know what. As we are wrapping up, I want to say thank you for everyone for tuning in. We'll have all this in the show notes. Lindsey, you're doing amazing and absolutely. We'll um be in touch with us and um just uh. So all the information will be provided in the show notes.

Speaker 1:

Please, please, listen to Bitches of Bad Word podcast and subscribe, follow it. It's amazing and it's very educational and informative, and, especially if anybody is in the mental health field, I think it's very useful to just hear these perspectives, hear these stories, because you just never know how you know beneficial it can be for someone else, and to pass along and share with other people, share with other clients who can then share it with others, and that's how we make the world go around, right? So, all right, thank you all. And also, if you haven't already, if you enjoyed today's episode, subscribe, like and review. And also don't forget Dropped in a Maze my book is on Amazon, so please, if you haven't already, definitely have it for your good summer reads for the rest of the summer and looking forward to talking to you all again soon. Thank you.