Daily Bread
Daily Bread with Dr. Jerrell & Angela Stokley offers inspiring biblical content designed to educate, empower, and engage everyone to seek God's Word as daily bread for the soul and live a life of purpose in Jesus Christ.
Daily Bread
Daily Bread Podcast with Dr. Jerrell & Angela Stokley - Adjustments PT 2
How do you navigate life when everything seems to be changing at once? Join us as we explore the profound journey of life's adjustments through the lens of faith. With inspiration from the biblical journey of Abram, we unpack how personal, financial, social, and spiritual shifts can be seen as divine opportunities for growth. We'll talk about the courage needed to embrace these changes and how faith can be the compass guiding us through the stormy seas of uncertainty. Prepare to be inspired and equipped to face life's adjustments with a renewed sense of purpose and trust in God's overarching plan.
Standing firm in times of uncertainty isn't easy, but it's crucial. Together, we'll unpack how to maintain faith when life feels shaky, drawing wisdom from Proverbs and Ephesians. By leaning on divine guidance and the armor of God, we can navigate the internal battles of doubt and fear. We'll offer practical tips to help you return to spiritual basics—prayer, scripture, and fasting—as a way to ground yourself. Our conversation aims to reassure you of God's sovereignty, reminding you of His control and protection over every aspect of your life.
Our journey continues as we address the expectations we place on relationships, inspired by the story of Joseph. By letting go of unrealistic expectations, we explore how to prevent unnecessary pain and foster healthier connections. Through candid discussions and personal insights from our 34 years together, we highlight the importance of understanding strengths and weaknesses, freeing ourselves from traditional roles, and embracing a broader divine plan at work. Whether it's with your partner or your faith, managing expectations paves the way for growth and fulfillment, and we aim to equip you with the wisdom to navigate these dynamics with grace.
Please sponsor the Daily Bread Podcast by clicking the link above. You can also connect with Dr. Jerrell & Angela Stokely at www.JerrellStokley.com or www.CovenantGraceChurch.org. Visit our online apparel store at www.OfficialGloryGear.com for all of your faith-based outdoor, casual, and athletic gear with a message of faith and belief in Jesus Christ.
Well, greetings everybody and welcome once again to the Daily Bread podcast. We are your co-hosts, Dr Jarrell and Angela Stokely. It is again a breath of fresh air to be with you today to share God's Word, to empower you and, prayerfully, this could be Daily Bread for your life, but for whatever situation that you are facing or whatever growth process that you are in, I'm excited to be here with my beautiful wife, my partner of 34 years, my partner of 34 years.
Speaker 2:Would you greet our audience? Yes, absolutely. Hey everybody, so glad you have tuned in. I feel excited to be able to sit in the seat whereby we're able to share a nugget of wisdom, a piece of insight or something that just builds you up in some kind of way that you can continue navigating this thing we call life. So we're glad you're here, thanks for tuning in and we look forward to sharing. All right.
Speaker 1:Welcome once again to Daily Bread Podcast Listen. Before we get started, we want to take a moment to just give God some praise, right there, where you are, if you're in your car, if you're at home, whatever you are. Just take a moment. It doesn't have to be loud or it can be loud. It doesn't have to be expressive or it can be expressive Just from the thanksgiving in your heart.
Speaker 1:Just tell God I love you, tell God thank you, tell God he's worthy to be praised. Just shout a hallelujah, a thank you, jesus God. I honor you. Lord, in the name of Jesus God, I praise you. You're my rock, you're my shield, you're my buckler, you're my everything. God, hallelujah, thank you for wisdom and guidance and understanding. We ought to have a thanksgiving on the inside that we can give to God at any time for the good and the grace that he's already done and the righteousness of Jesus Christ that we already have, for the miracles, for the promises, for the breakthroughs, for the increase, the abundance, for the fire-keeping God who keeps us through the fire hallelujah of life. We ought to give him a praise.
Speaker 1:We ought to give him a praise. So, whatever you do, give God a praise. As we get ready to get started, we have an exciting topic for you, a relevant topic, a topic that builds up, that anchors you in the word of God and in thriving in our current state of the culture and society today. Today, we're continuing a series titled Adjustments Adjustments. This is part two of Adjustments. If you didn't hear part one, go back stop right now.
Speaker 1:Please go back to part one of adjustments. If we you don't find part one of adjustments, we want you to reach out to us through our email, on our platforms, and say hey, I did not see part one of adjustments in there. Can you upload it? So it should. It should be there by the time you get to this one. All right, we're talking about adjustments, pastor A Adjustments. Oh my God, life is filled with adjustments.
Speaker 1:As I said in part one, we are living in critical mass. We are at code blue in our society, in our politics, in our global view of things, in the global existence of things. I mean the cosmos, the hemisphere, the stratosphere, the atmosphere. All the fears have fear. There is pressure, there's a growing climate of intensity. There is pressure, there's a growing climate of intensity.
Speaker 1:There is so much change happening so fast around us that some of us are reeling and spinning from what is going on, not only in our personal lives, but in the lives of the people we care about. Yes, the people we're connected to and the people we have to come in contact with on a daily basis. And it is rocking and it's reeling, but it's adjustments. How do we strive in them? How do we survive in them? How do we make it do them? Where is God in all of these adjustments? So let's talk about it. So we gave a definition in part one. I want to go over it in part two. What is an adjustment? Y'all want to hear what ChatGPT had to say. What is an adjustment?
Speaker 2:Y'all want to hear what ChatGPT has to say. It was good.
Speaker 1:Adjustments refer to changes. How many of you are dealing with changes, modifications made to improve? How many of you are going through this great thing right now where you're having to improve? And it's improving your life, it's improving your finances, it's improving your business. It's improving your marriage. It's improving your finances, improving your business. It's improving your. Modifications made to improve, correct or adapt a situation, process or system to achieve a desired outcome. It can be applied to financial adjustments, personal adjustments, technical adjustments, social adjustments, behavior adjustments, relationship adjustments, career adjustments, geolocation adjustments. When God changes or life changes your geography, you have to uproot and change everything, like we learned about Abraham. Yeah, so let me pass a. Give us a review, if you will, just a snapshot of what we saw in the adjustments that Abram had to face in Genesis 12 and 1, as we start out.
Speaker 2:You know, one of the highlights that you brought out about Genesis 12 that sometimes I don't think a lot of people know or hadn't studied and found out, is that Abram and his family, they were I want to call them heathens that is not the right word Heathenistic nation, according to the way the Bible says they were a heathenistic nation and so that the emphasis there, one of the things that I thought was just so powerful to bring out of that, is the reality that God will pull from the unlikely, that God will pull from the unlikely.
Speaker 2:He pulled Abram from amongst a group of people that sometimes, you know, when we see that happening in these days and time, we scratch our head Like how is that person able to do this? Or why were they chosen for that? God's been doing that since the beginning of time. Right, god chooses whom he chooses, point blank and period. Can I just say that you know God chooses whom he chooses, point blank and period. Can I just say that you know God chooses whom he chooses and it's not necessarily based on what we think are good enough.
Speaker 2:People, well, who we think meet the bar is who God has predestined and ordained to be it, regardless of where they come from. So I thought that was so powerful because sometimes I think that we think, because of our background and because of where we came from, because of the environment or our family ties, that we are not worthy, that we will never be considered by God, that we can't include ourselves in what the word of God says about his people. When we think about, sometimes, when we're in those, you know, we have those those types of backgrounds. When we hear the scripture that says we've been made the righteous, we can't even fathom that. We can't fathom that because nothing in our life has been seen as righteous. We ain't never seen a righteous person, and so forth and so on. But God is God. You know what I'm saying. And so in that we saw how God pulled Abram out, called him away from everything he knew his family, his country, his household, everything he knew and then told him to go to a place that he would show him. I will show you. You have no idea. I'm not going to tell you to go to Dallas, I'm not going to tell you to go to Nashville. I'm not going to tell you to go, just go. All I need you to do is just start going.
Speaker 2:So some of us have found ourselves in that place of being called out and we have no idea where we're going. That, for me, was like so powerful to share with our listeners, because we've got to know that even when we're uncertain, well, I feel the Holy Ghost, even when we can't put into words in detail what God is doing. Just know God is doing something. God is doing something, something God is doing something. Because one of the things I feel like is that we get intimidated when we can't tell somebody the deets about what God is doing Right and we, because of that, we feel like something's wrong with us. Right, instead of being honest and saying I don't know, this is what I do know. He said go Well, where to? I don't know yet.
Speaker 2:I don't know what this is, what I do know. He said go. Well, where to? I don't know. Yet you know what this is about Exactly. You know what I mean. And sometimes that can be so intimidating and so overwhelming, to the point where we either go back or we don't go at all. Right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:And so I thought that was so powerful that we ended with Abram in part one, and as you were doing the introduction, the word that kept kind of turning in my spirit was uncertainty. You know, and when we are faced with uncertainty which you know, when you think about adjustments, it, you know, a lot of times it, it takes you to a place of uncertainty. When God is saying, okay, I'm about to adjust this one, when things start happening in your life and you, you realize that these changes have to happen, but you don't know what's on the other side of the change. You don't know what's on the other side of that circumstance or that situation. The uncertainty can sometime create so much anxiety. Right, it can create so much fear, so much disdain. Oh my God, yes, but as, yeah, so as I was sitting here and you know, that kind of came up, so I knew I was supposed to bring it up.
Speaker 2:What I was reminded of is romans 8 and 28. Yeah, that god works good in all in all things. Shut the front door, but it's for a specific group of people, those who love god that part I won't even get to and called according to just who loved god. My god, today. You know what I'm saying and I think that if we just remember that and we reflect on that reality, that as we are processing through these adjustments with all of this uncertainty, if I don't know nothing else, I gotta know god gonna work this for my good. Oh, my god, jesus, hallelujah, that's so good, you know. Yeah, he's gone and so, and so I think it's so powerful.
Speaker 2:First of all, I want to say don't feel like being in a place of uncertainty makes you the odd man out. If I had to guess, I would say that the majority are facing uncertainties, absolutely. But what the body of Christ has to know, and for those who who love God, we've got to know that Romans 8 and 28 is our passage. We've got to know that Romans 8 and 28 is our passage. It's our passage that he will make this season of uncertainty work for my good. Good God, almighty Jesus.
Speaker 1:That is so good, so good, jesus. Uncertainty is definitely going to be the theme and the premise of this teaching. It's what I felt, that in the Holy Spirit when you said that. It agrees with me and it undergirds the big words I'm trying to hear, but it undergirds the construct. The substratum of this, of constructing this teaching today, is uncertainty, absolutely, because we all live with it right now. Everything is uncertain, everything is being shaken, everything is being. The roots of everything is being torn at yeah, and sometimes the root of things are being ripped by God. Yeah, and sometimes the root because God wants that thing out of our life and it's not good for us. Sometimes the root of things is being that's an attempt to pull it up by the enemy because he don't want us to have something God wants us to have, or he don't want us to be who God called us to be. So there's always a pull on us and a press on our souls to deal with some type of adjustment.
Speaker 1:As you were talking, I thought about there are three types of adjustments self-initiated adjustments, whereby I know, through reasoning, knowledge, understanding, that I need to make some changes, a modification. Other initiated adjustments, outside of my control. They change some things on the job. I got to deal with it. It was a switch in leadership. I got to deal with it. Other initiated I was side swiped by a car, other initiated.
Speaker 2:Can I even say my spouse filed for divorce Other I don't know why that hit me, because that's other initiated. You know, and some people may be dealing with that. Well, what do you do when you're believing you know for this relationship to be mended, but the other person has gone ahead and filed for divorce? That's other initiated.
Speaker 1:And you're facing a dark period of uncertainty. Yeah, what are you doing that? We're going to get to that. What are you doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to get to that answer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. That was real good. And finally you have the third God initiated adjustments and in part one you were talking about the chiropractic alignment of different parts of the body to get it back into alignment to work well, and how all of that is developmental. And we looked at adjustments from two sides alignment and development, alignment and development. And anytime you're dealing with adjustments, you're dealing with two things. One of two things are both at the same time alignment and adjustment.
Speaker 1:And for those of us who are dealing with both of them at the same time, I pray for you. Pray for me, because I've been through this hard when you're dealing with alignment in your life, because some things have to change and you know. You know you've got to come into alignment with these processes or procedures, as the definition says. It's another one. At the same time, god is taking you through something that he's developing you, and that's what a lot of us is are in society today. There are external initiated things causing alignment in our lives, you know, to these processes and then God is trying to get, develop us to handle it. So it's a breaking. That's a breaking happening with the changing. Yeah, at the same time, at the same time, and it can be conflicting in your soul. It is To where you ask the question. God, where are you? And all that? I didn't ask for this.
Speaker 2:You know, apostle, I was thinking about the scripture we talked about in part one, which was Proverbs 3, 5 and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Yeah, send the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding and and know that God will direct your way. I think that's the end part, but I find it so interesting. I find it so interesting. I was sitting here thinking about this and I was as you were talking, and I was thinking about uncertainty, and I was thinking about when you're trying to trust God, right, when you're. You're in uncertain times and you're and you're trying to work Proverbs three, five and six and you're trying not to lean to your own understanding, right, but everything is so uncertain, everything is so uncertain, everything is so uncertain. You like I?
Speaker 1:got to understand it for this, all right.
Speaker 2:And you try your absolute best, yeah, not to initiate your own thing, because in it you can't hear the voice. Come on, you cannot, you know. And so I just thought that they just hit me and maybe because somebody is dealing with that, maybe somebody is listening and they're saying I'm in uncertain terms and yeah, I hear y'all, because I 100% believe in Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. And I'm trying not to lean on my own understanding, but I ain't hearing nothing from God and I ain't got no clear instructions and I don't really know what to do, and I'm about to start doing something myself.
Speaker 1:Talk to him, apostle, I want to tell him Ephesians 6, after you've done all to stand. Stand, therefore, and put on, so you're not out there naked. The whole, oh, my god, armor, armored up, the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles, which is the wickedness, the schemes and the deceptions of the devil. Deceptions of the devil, my God, because that's exactly what he works in adjustments, schemes, deceptions and plots to get at your perspective. Because if he can decompose your faith perspective, if he can deconstruct your faith perspective, if he could obliterate your faith perspective with lies and deception about God's love and innuendos about who you are not in him and he's not the God of the righteous. If he could fragment it, if he could nuke it, he will to get you so weak and back into your flesh and now you're living as you're living in your flesh, man making decisions that compile the negative outcome, because he was able to eat away at your faith posture and your faith thoughts and your faithful thoughts and his righteousness in his word. So you got to put on that whole armor. Go and read Ephesians 6 so you would know the whole armor, because I could take you through it. But that's not what this teaching is about. But you got to get your mind wrapped around your Savior, and he loves you.
Speaker 1:Which takes me to the point that we mentioned about Abram in part one, which was the sovereignty of God. The root word of sovereignty is reign, sovereignty. God's sovereignty is God's reign, the Bible tells me. Here's where you can trust in God's sovereignty. The Bible tells me the earth is the Lord's, the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein. God reigns over everything.
Speaker 1:If it's happening you weren't in a room when the conversation was happening like God did about and Satan did about Job. But you best believe your reigning father, your reigning king, is setting parameters around what the enemy can't do and what life can't do to you, that he may get the glory out of your life and you may finish your purpose and destiny. You can believe that. Amen, amen, hallelujah, glory to Jesus. That's good. So stand, my brother and my sister, you're being tested, You're being tried. Yeah, you got adjustments going on in your life that you have to make. Remember that definition you have to make. Remember that definition. Modifications, changes to processes, systems, circumstances, it's all changes, all these adjustments and alignments and developments. But you stand and believe and trust in God's sovereignty out of Proverbs 3, 5, and 6, trusting the law lean, not to your own understanding, see, but in all your ways acknowledge it.
Speaker 2:You know one of the you know I'm going to say this and then we're going to move the one of the practical. I mean just looking at it practically, practically, because I feel like this is important, because it's almost like I can send somebody asking that question about the practicality. What does that look like? And so what I sense that the spirit of the Lord is saying is that sometimes the adjustments happen to help us to get back to the basics While the uncertainty is going on. Most times the angst and anxiety come because we're wanting something to happen and we're trying to progress and we're trying to hurry up and get there and we're just trying to right. We're trying to progress and we're trying to hurry up and get there and we're just trying to right, we're trying to, we're trying to, we're doing this wanting to move on really quickly thing.
Speaker 2:What I sense that the Lord is saying that sometimes you have to take a step back because maybe we've gotten too far off from the basics the prayer, the reading, the scripture, the fasting, the basics, the basics. And so when you don't know what else to do during those times, I want to encourage you pop your Bible back out and really study it like you used to Pray, like you used to Fast, like you used to, because sometimes we have to go back to those things that got us where we are now. You know that got us to that growth space. Sometimes we have to go back to those things that got us where we are now you know that got us to that growth space, and we have to go back and visit those things in a different manner. Maybe we've kind of, you know, moved away from that a little bit. So I want to just encourage you to add that practicality back in while you are navigating the uncertainty.
Speaker 1:That is so good. Amen, that cannot be best said. Amen, because I was always like what can I add to that? Nothing that cannot be best said. You said that as best as it could be said.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 1:So today, as we add into knowing that God is sovereign and in control, we want to add this practical point. Talk about practicality. All right, you're dealing with these adjustments. Here's what you need to do Embrace change as part of God's plan. Embrace change as part of God's plan, as somebody was saying, but it's negative. Wait a minute, let me show it to you. In all things, God is working good. So first, let's just deal with embracing it. So life adjustments they often talking about this alignment align us with God's purpose for growth, maturity or redirection, and sometimes we miss those aspects and those inner workings and transformations. While we're going through something that is painful or challenging, we're missing the part of growth, maturity and redirection.
Speaker 1:Recently I have been in a lot of spiritual warfare and I found myself in my flesh and I got to a place where I said, ok, you've got to grow because this keeps happening. Yeah, these things you're facing keep happening and you've got to grow. Now, this is my you, this is you know I'm a pastor, I'm a church planter, you know I'm an apostle. I've done all this stuff for almost 30 years. But I found myself in my flesh and I said okay, because of a change and adjustment that was happening in my life, and here's what I told myself.
Speaker 1:I said okay, jarrell, stop expecting good out of others and expect good out of yourself. Stop expecting what people are supposed to do and do good, no matter what they do. Come on somebody. So I had to get to that. So that created growth in me, even in that moment of making that declaration about what I took ownership of everything that comes into my life, good or bad. So, if these things keep happening and I don't see people doing what I know they should be doing, it's only simple, isn't it? Don't focus on that. Focus on you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Because here's what I noticed Expectation in people is the root of disappointment.
Speaker 2:Oh my, gosh, yes, sir, absolutely. Expectation in people is the root of disappointment. Oh my gosh yes, sir, absolutely Expectation in people is the root of disappointment.
Speaker 1:If you stop expecting this and that out of people, if you stop expecting this and that to happen, you won't get disappointed when it doesn't happen. You focus on you being who God called you to be, regardless of what they do. And I had to. I had to experience once again in challenges that growth, maturity and redirection. God was waiting on me to grow. That's why he kept allowing it to happen in his sovereignty. He kept putting me through the same test so that I can get sick of myself being in the flesh I don't mean to carry on here so that I could change it's a real thing and grow some more.
Speaker 2:It's a real thing. It was hard, it was tough. If the same test keeps showing up, it's because we didn't pass it all the other time. You know what I'm saying. Even when you look at it in a very practical, in a practical manner, it's in school. If you don't pass the test that you need to pass, you're not going to the next grade, You're going to be held. You're going to be held right here. Retained Retention is going to happen in your life. You understand the retention will be there and so it is in the spirit. The same thing keeps coming up is because you didn't whoop that one the last time.
Speaker 2:I mean you didn't pass it the last time. You didn't pass it the last time, and that's always the indicator. So that's beautiful, you know, because that's definitely the indicator.
Speaker 1:If the same ones keep showing up. You didn't pass the test, so retention can be a form of failure and immaturity. It is why that just hit me. You know, when you're trying to retain the same comfort level, when you're retaining the same patterns, you retain the same mindset over and over, about something Rather than growing you're failing, trying to hold on to the old, trying to hold on to the past and trying to hold on to what is not creating growth and development in your life, you're actually failing by retention.
Speaker 2:Yes, and can we say this Cause this feels good to me. You're failing, but that happens. You're failing at life, because I can't help but think about when Jesus said I came, that you might have life and that you might have it more abundantly. So if we get stuck through retention and trying to retain, we're failing at the thing that he came to give us. We're failing at that abundant life. Yes, because you're not living, can't live, you're not growing, you're not developing, you're not doing any of those things. You're failing. You're failing at life.
Speaker 1:That says to me to succeed at life and to succeed at growth and to have the abundant life you have to understand that you have to let some things die.
Speaker 2:OMG.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. We have to understand the benefit and maturity in letting some things die, because flowers have to die to grow again. So things have seasons and cycles and timeframes in our life. People do too, but we practice retention by trying to hold on to something we should release, and the proof of that is in Ecclesiastes 3 and 1, because we're talking about embracing change as part of God's plan. Listen to this. It says there is a time that's so critical Timing.
Speaker 1:There's a time for everything Yep Right, yep Everything and a season for every activity under the heaven. That tells us that change is inevitable, things only have a sliver, a window in your life, people, situations, and that we have to be willing to have the maturity to go through cycles and we have to allow. There's a season when things have to die in your life in order for you to grow.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, as I'm thinking about that, I know we're, I mean, we can definitely look at, you know, habits, ways, behaviors, mentalities, you know, and that. That just made me think back to what we talked about in episode one about really being aware of, OK with our own limitations. Right, you know what I'm saying, so you know I can. I can just see how that can connect. We've got to be willing to say yep, this is no longer. This is no longer profitable for me. I got to let this go. It could be a bad attitude, it could be the wrong type of thinking. I've got to let this go Because if I don't let it go then I won't grow. You know, Absolutely right, If I don't let this go, I cannot grow. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:You know, your revelation just took me to harboring bitterness. Yes, let it go.
Speaker 2:Let it go just took me to harboring bitterness yes, let it go. Let it go. Harboring resentment Yep, let it go. Can you not take on vengeance? It belongs to the Lord, that's what the word of God says. It's not ours. Yeah, harboring anger.
Speaker 1:Yes, let it go. Let it go. Nurturing trauma my God, we nurture our trauma. Sometimes, my God, we sit back and we think of what this person did to us and we go over and we maul over it. When we see them, we nurture the trauma, we maul over it, over and over it, all in our thoughts, all in our breath, all in our stomach and our soul. We just, we just we're mauling over it. It's getting into our nerves and you know what I'm talking about, and we are reliving traumatic experiences that we need to let die Absolutely, because we're practicing retention and we're failing and instead of embracing those things that God is obviously trying to get us to let go of that we think are making us strong, feeding our negative and feeding our anger, our meanness, our rudeness, our lack of love.
Speaker 1:This is how I get them back. I'm going to harbor what they did to me. Instead of doing that, we ought to be doing what we say embracing change as part of God's plan.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Because somebody hurting you oh, hear me, hear me. Somebody hurting you sometimes is God's way of breaking that relationship. Absolutely, somebody hurting you sometime, god allows it in order to catapult you, that's true, to the next phase of your destiny. Absolutely, because you wouldn't let them go until they abuse you that one last time you say you know what I'm done, and once you get out of it you realize what you were missing by staying in it. Let me prove it. Because somebody's like oh no, don't you say that kind of stuff. Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? God wouldn't do that at all. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me take you to Genesis 50 and 20. Let me take you to the life of Joseph. Are you hearing me now? Because you know about Joseph's life. And if you don't know about Joseph's life, go to Genesis. It's about I don't know about 20, some chapters, I think, of his life, his whole story.
Speaker 2:It's at least nine chapters.
Speaker 1:His whole story is in Genesis. But Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers Somebody close to him, hurting him. Mercy it was all destiny.
Speaker 2:You know, we should put a pin right there just because of the reality that sometimes it still shakes us, it still throws us off, it's still, oh my God, us right when people that we love, people that we trust, people that we, for some of us, grew up with, or whatever, we have these, you know, these thoughts. It shouldn't be like that, you know, with this person. It should not be like that, but the reality is is that it is like that. It be like that. You know with this person. It should not be like that, but the reality is is that it is like that. It is like that it is a real thing for people who love you To hate you, to hate you, to hate you in your family, to the point that they are willing to cause this level of pain Continually In your life. I think at some point we got to get away from being shocked about it.
Speaker 1:And we have to be willing to let some of those personal familial relationships die off. If they're going to revive, God's going to revive it If their relationship is going to be resurrected. It's going to be God. Because I'm letting that go?
Speaker 2:And that goes back to Ecclesiastes 3.1. Because, okay, for this time I got to let you go. I got to let you go, but it might be another time when God bring us back together, because we know Joseph's story. You know what I'm saying there may be a time when it is necessary to say goodbye. Yeah, I'm going to leave my heart in the right posture, because there might be another time when God says now it's time to reconcile. You know what I mean? Yes, and I think that's so important to know.
Speaker 1:And we are talking about a young man, a teenager, who had to make a major adjustment. His big brothers, who were supposed to protect him, love him, cover him, threw him in a well, in a hole and then sold him. They were going to kill him. Think of his psychology, his pain, the drama and that adjustment that he had to face. And there are some of you who are listening or may listen to this. You have childhood trauma. Yeah, you have. You've had to make adjustments in your life from the hurt that came out of your previous life. My God, what you need to know is Genesis 50 and 20. Like Joseph told his brothers, he said this you intended it to harm me, but God intended it for good. Listen to me to accomplish stay right there what is now being done the saving of many lives. In other words, what is now being done because of the position Joseph ultimately ended up in, was saving many lives. That means it was done that God may get the glory for 8 and 28 for his purposes and his plan.
Speaker 1:All those things you went through. If you love God and called according to his purpose, he's working good out of it. All those things you went through if you love God and called according to his purpose, they'll work he's working good out of it.
Speaker 2:Working good out of it. And let's tap into what you said a little bit ago, which is what I try to live by, and that is removing the expectation. Come on, we've got to remove the expectation even from the people that we love. Come on, I'm the youngest of my siblings and I cannot expect for them to treat me a certain way because they're the older. Now society says right, it goes back to what we were just talking about as the older, you're supposed to watch out for me. As the older, you know, I expect you to this Because I'm the younger, so you, as the older, I'm expecting. No, sometimes you got to hurry up and remove the expectation to create your. I mean to avoid from creating such a brokenness in you that they didn't show up how you expected them to show up. But here's the reality, because we all have our own individual issues. We all have our own individual hurt.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, people that we expect to be there, we might expect it, but God never intended it. Oh my God, I could have just ran. We might expect it, but we didn't run that expectation by God, because God may have never intended for them to be in your life like that, sometimes the very people that were crying are gone, or people that God intended to be gone, because if they would have stayed, they could have tore your life apart. Sometimes, oh, my God, removing that expectation, we ought to give God a praise, because sometimes those people who left, sometimes those people who walked out, sometimes it is good. It is good that they left me, it's good that they weren't there, it's good Because I good that they left me, it's good that they weren't there, it's good because I could have turned out worse if they would have stayed. I'm just saying so, I'm just wrapping all that back in together. We got to remove these expectations because it keeps creating that sadness, that brokenness. Oh, I can't believe they weren't there for me. Maybe the answer is they wasn't supposed to be. You created the expectation, god did not. You did that and we've got to be careful that we don't do that, because all it does is create pain for us. And we've got to manage that thing because that can take us out. Get, because from that I'm disappointed, but now I'm finna, harbor something, because I can't believe you. Da, da, da, da, da. And we harbor this anger and we harbor hurt.
Speaker 2:I mean, I heard a hatred, and it grows and grows and grows and grows and grows, all because you made a conscious decision to put expectation on a person that didn't even have the ability to do what you expected them to do. You understand what I'm saying. If somebody put an expectation, that's like in marriage, if you put an expectation on me to cook every day, that would be a problem. That's not my nature. You know what I'm saying. It's like that ain't the season. That season existed when the children were young, but if you held on to that, you could harbor resentment against me.
Speaker 2:You understand what I'm saying. So we have to be right against me. You understand what I'm saying? So we have to be right. And no matter subconscious, it's like I have all of the heart and the love and the intention, but my reality don't end up in the kitchen. It just does not. You know what I mean. And so we have to be careful not to put expectations on people that didn't agree with being who you expected them to be. A meeting did not take place, you did not say, as this person in my life, this is what I'm expecting, and they signed an agreement with you or made a verbal commitment and say yes, that's what I'm going to do. You understand what I'm saying. And we have to be so careful of that because we end up getting the short end of the stick. And we have to be careful Careful of that because we end up getting the short end of the stick and we have to be careful.
Speaker 1:You have not stumbled upon. You have constructed a teaching and an argument for the theory of unrealistic expectations. I love that. Yeah, there's no way you and I would have made it 34 years if we'd been together. That's right.
Speaker 1:When we first started out, we said we need to address unrealistic expectations. I don't know how. Way back then, as young as we were, the grace of God, I think we had seen enough. And the grace of God, the grace of God, way back then we said, okay, let's talk. We cannot have these traditional unrealistic expectations on each other because we're wired different. And we started talking about who we were and talking about our strengths and our weaknesses so that the other person wouldn't have unrealistic expectations.
Speaker 1:And that's how we have survived 34 years being together, because we removed all of that. We took our list that we had balled it up and said this is a human being, I'm in a relationship with a human being and I've got to love this human being no matter what. And I have to remove all this unrealistic stuff that she got to cook clean iron, do all this kind of stuff. He's got to make the most money in the house. He's got to fix everything that's broken. He's got to take the trash out. All the time we threw away that and we talked about what was compatible between us and what was different about us. But here's another thought we have to take unrealistic expectations off God.
Speaker 2:We do. I like that.
Speaker 1:One unrealistic expectation that we put on God is that God's not going to let me suffer. Oh my God, yep, god's not going to. God wouldn't take me through something painful. Exactly, yep. But Joseph's experience was painful for years and it shows in Joseph's experience that God uses painful adjustments for his glory, to get us to our destiny and for his purposes. Because can nobody tell me? Being almost being killed by your brother, it's not an adjustment, that's an adjustment. Being sold into slavery by your family yeah, it's not an adjustment. Yeah. Being being lied on and put in prison by the wife of the person you serve with all your heart after she tried to molest you, that hurts, yeah, that's painful, it is. And then being down in a prison helped a baby.
