S4E9: Volleyball Day In The Bay, Are "Yeller" Coaches Done For?

Volleyball Day in the Bay becomes less about a single match and more about building a real Bay Area volleyball tradition around Stanford men’s volleyball. We unpack what worked, what fell flat, and how coaching intensity changes when trust and emotional intelligence lead the way.

• tailgate energy and cross-club volleyball community showing up
• beach volleyball at Stanford and why the venue feels special
• youth clinic logistics and the value of getting kids on the floor
• attendance goals, seating optics and making the crowd look full
• student turnout problems and ideas for smarter campus activation
• coaching styles from yelling to evolved communication
• defining the line between intensity and abuse plus why follow-up talks matter

Go look up at @GlassBoats on X for Matt's most embarrassing idioms. 

Transcript

Hot Dogs And Podcast Chaos

SPEAKER_02 0:00

What did you eat for breakfast?

Daniel Rasay 0:02

I ate hot dogs for breakfast and hot dogs for lunch and all the leftover hot dogs.

Arielle Houlihan 0:07

You had 13 hot dogs all day long.

Matt Houlihan 0:18

I didn't say anything.

Arielle Houlihan 0:19

This is the worst part of the show, everybody. This is when Matt usually judges my intros. So welcome to the Coach's Group Chat. We are overwhelmingly excited to have you with us today.

Matt Houlihan 0:37

Everybody, welcome to the Coach's Group Chat. We are so excited to have you here. We are back for another week after an extremely eventful, tiresome weekend. Volleyball Day in the Bay was here. We did not reach our goal. But we had a hell of a weekend. Matt's going way too fast. He's also blind in one eye and deaf in two ears.

Arielle Houlihan 1:09

Just like Chad. Just like Chad. Chad is in New York for another day. And in the actual coaches group chat, we all texted each other this morning. And usually it goes pod tonight. And everybody's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. And it was not as yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. It was like, oh, well, I can do this. And Chad was like, well, I can do that. And then it turned into you have to choose. Yeah, it was high maintenance. Daniel or Chad. And we go, Daniel. So Daniel got the nod this week, mostly because he was at Volleyball Day in the Bay. I think the text read, We left the bay when the bay needed us most, so Daniel can have it.

Matt Houlihan 1:53

Yep.

Arielle Houlihan 1:54

Um valid. But we do have at the end of this pod today, we will have a uh it says two minutes and twelve seconds for Chad's wedding what date.

Matt Houlihan 2:07

Wedding, wedding what date, yeah, not a week cap. We cap would be after it. I hope they didn't get married.

Arielle Houlihan 2:13

That's why it's two minutes. This is the ceremony that we're gonna play, press play for you. So we will press play for Chad's uh uh blind reaction. Blind reaction. We haven't listened to it yet. Um, so we will do that at the end of the end of the pod. So if you'd like to press fast forward now, you are more than welcome.

Matt Houlihan 2:31

So those of you that are here, Chad's mom, who's here for the wedding.

Arielle Houlihan 2:35

Wedding updates only. Um that'll be at the end of the episode. But for now, we will go back to volleyball day in the bay.

Volleyball Day In The Bay Recap

Matt Houlihan 2:43

We cap. We cap. We have a we cap. Uh I'll I'm gonna give my perspective from volleyball day in the bay after I hear Daniel's because Daniel kind of ran the show.

Arielle Houlihan 2:53

Uh I get a perspective. Yes, yes, yes, of course.

Matt Houlihan 2:56

Sorry. Uh you you get a perspective as well. I'm just meaning Daniel ran the the tailgate, which was a big piece of the puzzle of what we were trying to do. And I only got to see maybe 10 minutes of it. You were not there for very long gym. So I just want to, yeah, let me give me the give me the lay of the land, the rundown from from the bar.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Start from the very beginning. What did you eat for breakfast?

Daniel Rasay 3:18

I ate hot dogs for breakfast and hot dogs for lunch and all the leftover hot dogs for the biggest. You had 13 hot dogs all day long. Um vibes were high, I will say. Like it was a cool environment to be in with the young kids playing volleyball. We had the volleyball parents, Stanford parents there, uh, with Moses' dad and their band jamming for both us and the tennis tournament that was happening close by, which went as well as it could with trying to control the noise and respect their tournament. But it was pretty amazing. Like just the feeling of different people in the volleyball community coming together because there were Mountain View people, there were academy people, there were girls players, girls players, guys' players, there was everybody. Yeah. Uh adult men's players that came from the dimes tournament came came later on. People flew in. Yeah. It was it was just kind of cool to see all of those different volleyball people come together, have a good time, eat some food, and even though I was kind of busy manning the grill and stuff, I had got to sit and chat with a bunch of different people, and it was pretty amazing. I loved it.

Matt Houlihan 4:37

That's awesome. I'd love to hear that. Ariel, do you have any additional perspective from uh were you getting after it with the with the parents?

Arielle Houlihan 4:44

Whether you uh perspective from the tailgate specifically? Or just uh the whole thing in general? Um yeah, I well the beat we were all at beach for a little while before that beach was amazing. And if anybody has the chance to go and go to a beach tournament duel at Stanford, it's like one of the best arenas in the country. It's just such a cool place to go and sit and hang out and be outside. Um, also, the weather was like more than perfect, it was like 75 and beautiful and incredible. Um so we couldn't have asked for a better day in March for that could have been a toss-up, and it was just amazing. Um yeah, it the tailgate was uh I was I felt like I talked to a million people, and it was just a really nice special thing that we've been tailgating at these, I've been tailgating since you started with the Dagostinos. I've I've been tailgating at Stanford Games for a very long time with the parents. Um, and this was just a really, really big welcome uh to everybody to come and like celebrate and be a part in supporting Stanford Men's volleyball. The boys rode by on their scooters and we all started like yelling for them, and we're like, this is like a real sport and a real thing, and uh it was very, very cool. Um so it was just a special, special event. Um, the game itself, uh, I mean Stanford won both, so we were we were pretty happy. Um the TIY giveaway went really well. I got rid of all my hair ties and I forgot to save myself some. So it's a good sign. Uh I should have been in the mood. Put a couple away from myself so that I had some, but I didn't, so I'm gonna have to make a call. We'll buy some. Yeah, we'll buy some. Yeah, so um, but that went wonderfully, and I pretty much just got to like thank people for coming to the game, and all the uh cutie little girls volleyball players came up, and I got to give them some out to the parents in Stanford, and that was like a little special thing to do after the end of the game, and I was really hoping that Stanford would win, so I was like happy doing it, not being like, oh yeah, and people being like sorry about the loss. So it ended up being wonderful. Um, yeah, it was just a very special, fun, uh cool thing that I think that there can be uh even more like good things done with it. I think there's room for improvement with it, and like definitely um there's ways to get more people to be involved, and we can be strategic about that. But I think it was a great uh step in the right direction towards activating the community for volleyball and men's volleyball in general.

Beach Atmosphere And Community Energy

Matt Houlihan 7:32

Yeah, I love I love hearing that perspective. I'll give my my little overview of my day, but then I'd love to hear what you guys would like to see for next year because I want it to be annual. The the genesis of it, the idea was centered around attendance of just trying to get people there, but even more so morphed into exactly kind of what Daniel hit on was just trying to bring Bayer volleyball together in something that you can mark on the calendar each year as just a good fun event for everyone to be able to point to that showcases Stanford Men's volleyball, something that's very close to obviously all of us. But I I talked with Andrew Fuller early in the week, and Andrew, who's the head beach coach for Stanford, went to St. Francis with me as well. He was a few years older than me, but we just kind of reminisced on the importance that Stanford Men's Volleyball played in our just development of having something to look at and see that was at a higher level than we were at that we could kind of aspire to, and to now be in a position where we've been a part of Stanford for a while. Um, him jumping in and and involving beach volleyball and providing his resources and support to make it something that was bigger than just one sport. Uh I love it. I think that's one of the best parts about volleyball is that men's volleyball, women's volleyball, beach volleyball. There's so much crossover, there's so much support between those three sports. It's not as siloed as some of the other majors. We were talking to some friends who are in other sports like basketball and soccer, and they were saying that it's nothing like that. There's crossover, of course, between those two sports, but it's just not as big of a community or tight-knit of a community in comparison. So it's it's just such a unique thing that we get to bring together and to hear various people supporting it from the free clinic that we ran where we sold it out within literally an hour, and Daniel had to field phone calls and emails because his e somehow his email is just baked into that website and cannot be removed. Um that was great. That was a really fun experience. And the parents were so grateful just to come for them to like walk into the practice gym. Yeah, it was really cool to watch those kids' eyes and the parents' eyes of they're taking photos of the walls and then Matt and then Matt started talking, and they're like, Wait, this is exactly like what we get everywhere else.

Arielle Houlihan 9:47

I was watching you start the right start the program or like run it, and I was like, It's all the Beta Bay kids, and like they're listening to Matt talk, like Matt, be quiet. Let one of the let Alex Rotten go do something and like talk to everybody and whatever. Well, yeah, it was very funny.

Matt Houlihan 10:00

It was the right after. We had uh Moses did speak and and spoke to the Bay Area kids and did uh did a thing there, and Costi and Taylor and Marty all did their thing. And yes, it was very much a typical clinic that we would run because there's 75 kids on three courts. But uh the boys got to come in right after we had servant pass and then mobility, and it's just a busy day, and so it's always a balance if you don't want to like overload them where there's a bunch of distractions. But they all came in for you know, they kind of came in in waves of 15, 20, 30 minutes, did high fives, helped out with a drill, and then popped out. And uh Marty and I finished it up, but it was it was just fun to see them experiencing Stanford in a different way and actually being on the floor and being in the practice arena and gym. Um that was uh that was a cool piece. And then yeah, I I loved that. Was actually one thing when when you guys were talking, I was out there for maybe 15 minutes at the barbecue, and uh a few of the boys rode by on their bikes, and one of the ideas that sparked into my head for next year was we needed to do the typical football walkout where we like line the we line the walkway and cheer for them as they come by. Um that was that was one of my one of my thoughts.

Arielle Houlihan 11:14

We'll get a marching band.

Matt Houlihan 11:15

Yeah, we need to literally I I there's so many ideas that I have for for next year of what we can do. Um but yeah, that's the that's that's what I wanted to take it to next because obviously we didn't hit our attendance number, but I think we created a very fun event and a fun day that did bring more people in. We we doubled what we got on Friday, on Saturday. We had just under 1,500. The the goal was uh 2,175. So we have room to grow still, but I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts. If there was anything that stuck out to you of what you would like to try to improve, to add that we can make better for volleyball day in the bay next year. You want to go first?

The Clinic And Seeing Stanford Up Close

Arielle Houlihan 11:56

Thank you for asking that. Uh where were the students? Uh I was just like the I thought that one side was packed, one two, both across the what's end lines? Both ends. Sidelines and endlines. Both endlines were great. Like it was good. Then the one other side, it was just like they didn't, we've got to seat people over on that side and set up, probably have the chairs set up and get people over on that side. I think that uh all of the people I look at it from a camera perspective, yeah, of every single person that is taking a photo is taking a photo of the court and you see zero fans on the other side. So it didn't look like anybody was there, even though there was a lot of people there. Yes. Um, so we have to make these events look like everybody's there and fill their lower bowl so that we can whatever. That's just on the branding side of it.

Matt Houlihan 12:52

Um 100% true. Yeah. You need to do that.

Arielle Houlihan 12:55

Yes. Uh the students. I I mean, I don't even put this on on the I think think that the there needs to be some sort of activation to get students there. Um and whatever that means, we need to make it happen. Read between the lines on that one. But uh we need we need to get students there and we need to make it a fun thing for people to do. Um and maybe base it around the the calendar for students as well. Just like what how do we get the we've got so many people on that campus that can be rowdy and fun and like create a good environment, and we are missing out on that aspect.

Matt Houlihan 13:39

That definitely was the untapped piece of the audience, no doubt.

Arielle Houlihan 13:43

And we can't just leave it on the team to go and do that. I think that that is something that uh as the adults, we need to make that happen um and give them the uh support to be able to go make that happen. It's not just on them to be in there, go bring your friends and have your friends come. That's just not how that works. Like we have to get groups of people to come together. Yeah.

Matt Houlihan 14:06

I thought of the uh I thought of getting an A-frame and putting it in the middle of GSB and saying uh 5 p.m. Saturday seed round AI startup interviews at 5 p.m. in Maples Pavilion.

Arielle Houlihan 14:24

That's so funny. That's actually hilarious.

Matt Houlihan 14:26

Machine learning startup, 5 p.m. stock options available.

Arielle Houlihan 14:31

We should have asked Alex, Chris, to just be like, hey, listen, just put a put a thing out there and be like, I'll talk to whoever, or get a couple like people to come and like be there.

Matt Houlihan 14:40

We need to hit our target market.

Arielle Houlihan 14:41

Exactly, and hit the hit the yeah, that's smart.

SPEAKER_02 14:44

What are we doing?

Matt Houlihan 14:45

Daniel, what were your thoughts? What would you like to see?

Daniel Rasay 14:47

Probably along the same lines as that. I think the whole student thing was probably just a scheduling thing because it was dead week. Yeah. A lot of kids leave campus if they don't have finals, and so that was probably part of the issue there. But you know, some gymnasts came through the tailgate, and I got to chat with them a little bit. And I think just you know, it's volleyball day in the bay, and I said there was a lot of volleyball community people there, but I think we need to include other people. The gymnasts were thrilled and like this is so cool and stuff like that. And so interesting. Just making it volleyball day in the bay, but trying to get people to be like, volleyball's cool, you guys should come check it out.

Arielle Houlihan 15:26

Ball day in the bay.

Daniel Rasay 15:28

Balls in the bay.

Arielle Houlihan 15:29

Ball day in the bay. That's it. That's oh, what are we doing? Okay. Yeah.

Attendance Goals And Next Year Ideas

Daniel Rasay 15:34

Um, but yeah, I got to chat with them and some red coats, and I never have nice conversations with red coats, and I did for the first time. Yeah. That's so nice. But they were the world is healing. I mean, I was feeding them, so um but and then I would have liked to see a little bit more alumni from men's volleyball there as well. Um Alumni weekend is this upcoming weekend, so that's the thing. Yeah, that's probably another tough scheduling thing there. But um at least there's a handful of local ones that probably could have made it two weekends in a row. But um yeah.

Arielle Houlihan 16:08

Ideally, it would be volleyball day in the bay and then alumni game the next day.

Matt Houlihan 16:16

Yeah, alumni game has always kind of fell on finals week.

Daniel Rasay 16:20

Yeah, after finals.

Matt Houlihan 16:21

That's really unfortunate. So we were originally because I asked the boys even before I this was this was months and months ago before I was even coaching, like thought I was not coaching. I asked them, which what day do you want me to make it? And originally we had said UCLA.

Arielle Houlihan 16:35

Yeah.

Matt Houlihan 16:36

The problem was is that UCLA falls on spring break, and so they were like, the students are gonna be gone. We'd rather try and prioritize the students, and so that's why we shot with this one. Right? Uh yeah, I think it just really came down to they wanted the attendance, they wanted to get the students there. But yeah.

Arielle Houlihan 17:01

Um I wonder how the attendance will be for UCLA.

Matt Houlihan 17:04

It'll probably be pretty good.

Arielle Houlihan 17:05

I gotta think it's gonna be good because they are ranked number one.

Matt Houlihan 17:08

It was good for Hawaii. Yeah. Um, yeah, I think there was there's kind of three programs, I think, or four programs that probably traditionally pull some more fans in. Hawaii's one, they're gonna bring their fans, BYU is one, they bring their own fans. I think they probably had about 600 fans out of the 1500, if not more, uh, for Friday and Saturday. And then you have UCLA and Long Beach, just traditionally strong programs. So I'm sure the the numbers for UCLA will probably be pretty good, even without students anywhere close. It'll be pretty good. I think ideally the one thing I was thinking is I was pushing for the boys was senior night to make senior night be the traditional volleyball day in the bay, because it's you know the weather's gonna be pretty good in the in the end of April. Timing-wise, it it should work out pretty well. Um we're we're playing Menlo for our senior night. I thought that would be cool because it's the other Bay Area team.

Arielle Houlihan 18:01

I kind of like that we separated it up.

Matt Houlihan 18:03

But no, yeah, I agree. I think it worked out pretty much.

Arielle Houlihan 18:05

Senior night is a lot. Senior night's like a lot of things. And it there's a lot to get together for it. There's a lot of like, I think that that, yes, it's nice to have them. Jackson's like, I'm bored. Get me out of here.

Matt Houlihan 18:17

Speaking of seniors.

How To Get Students In Seats

Arielle Houlihan 18:19

Senior night.

Matt Houlihan 18:22

Talking senior night. Um, careful. Do you want to lay the groundwork for the next one?

Daniel Rasay 18:28

Yeah, so um, I don't know if this is just on my feed, but in kind of the food world, there's been some controversy uh with Noma, which has been one of the top restaurants, and their owner, Renee Rizepi, is under fire for kind of his techniques that he's used in the kitchen in the past. There's been a lot of, I guess, verbal abuse and maybe some actual physical abuse as well that has come up. I haven't read the article because I didn't want to go through the paywall to pay and read it, but it kind of made me think of um coaching styles as well. And you know, I I've been a yeller at times um in the gym, but I feel like I've evolved in that. But uh I think those types of techniques worked in the kitchen back then to get people motivated. And do those techniques work in the gym now? Because they also used to work in the gym back in the day as well, and or do coaches need to evolve, or can we still find athletes that are motivated by a little bit of fear and just wanna Matt's like, I don't want to answer this at all.

Arielle Houlihan 19:41

I also wonder how many people, while Daniel was uh starting to say that, looked at their what they were watching or what they were listening to, and was like, wait, what am I listening? What podcast am I listening to right now? They're like, cook cooking? What are you talking about? You really brought it back well, though. So well, that's what dog's all about.

Matt Houlihan 19:58

It's about a good crossover.

Arielle Houlihan 20:00

We do love a crossover.

Daniel Rasay 20:01

Right. I mean, I think there's a lot of parallels to cooking and sports. Yeah. Like the whole if you can't take the heat, get your ass out of the kitchen is like pretty similar to sports.

Arielle Houlihan 20:11

Or like the cooking and baking.

Matt Houlihan 20:12

Cooking and baking, that's right.

Arielle Houlihan 20:14

Setters who cooker and sets.

Matt Houlihan 20:16

We want chefs. We want chefs, not bakers.

Daniel Rasay 20:18

You gotta be prepared for both. There's it's gonna, you're gonna get in the weeds with both, and you gotta figure out how to you know fight your way out of it.

Matt Houlihan 20:26

There's plenty there's plenty of movies about being the the the head chef who's just an absolute maniac but delivers results. One of the I mean, this is this is just leadership, right? Yeah. And you can paint it however you want from a perspective of the actual job that they're doing, but in reality, what they're trying to do is they're trying to perform. They're trying to perform in whatever that task may be.

Arielle Houlihan 20:47

Uh have you played for a yeller?

Matt Houlihan 20:50

Yes.

Arielle Houlihan 20:50

I've played for a yeller. Have you played for a yeller? I don't think you have. I'd say half.

Matt Houlihan 20:55

I'd say what's half?

Arielle Houlihan 20:57

Who what are you talking about?

Matt Houlihan 20:59

I had a high school coach who was half of a yeller, like had a temper, but was able to balance it pretty well. Okay, sure. Ish. Ish, yeah.

Arielle Houlihan 21:09

Um and what are your thoughts on it?

Matt Houlihan 21:16

I think that there are so many different ways to lead. I was talking with Daniel before we started recording. We I did a the theme of the week last week was confidence for Stanford, and one of the one of the drill names.

Arielle Houlihan 21:28

You have a theme of the week too.

Matt Houlihan 21:30

Oh yeah. We have an overarching theme of the week.

Arielle Houlihan 21:32

I didn't know you do a theme for the week and then each match.

Matt Houlihan 21:34

And then each day has a mini theme within it. What's that week's theme? Uh that's an inside joke. So it's not it's not gonna hit for this one. Okay, okay, okay. The the idea was the the theme of the day was weaponized confidence. And I was using an example of Steve Jobs. So Steve Jobs was known for having a reality distortion field around him, meaning that he just Refuse to accept what other people would tell me.

Arielle Houlihan 22:02

Moses is captioned today.

Yelling Coaches And Evolving Leadership

Matt Houlihan 22:03

I know. So it obviously connects. I saw that and kind of got a little got a little choked up and proud. I was like, ah, nobody's listening to me. We're seeping in. Yeah. Moses actually has been helping me in the writer's room pre-practice as I'm writing my stuff. He'll he'll let let me hear his thoughts, so that's been good. But the idea was I refuse to accept mediocrity. That's what Steve Jobs basically would go through. It'd be like the iPhone's gonna take two years to develop, and he'd say, You have six weeks, and they would get it done, like some small piece of the iPhone, whatever it was. And he would just push because the the quote was basically that most people are not used to being held to a standard of excellence. And so Steve Jobs was a a noted horrible person, quote, to work for because he would verbally abuse you. He would he would run you into the ground. And there are many people and many facets that do that. Doesn't mean that I think that's that's not how I act. I think I'm more I go along the lines of trying to be more evolved in the sense of you need to communicate and meet people where they are at. And you know, you get more, you get more with honey than with I don't know what the saying is. Fill in your saying here. You get more with uh catch more flies with honey than with sea salt. I don't know.

Arielle Houlihan 23:26

This episode is going to take a pause really quick because Matt has been very, very known for butchering, butchering sayings like this, and so much so that we used to have a Twitter account called Glass Boats back in. It still exists. Yeah.

Matt Houlihan 23:42

Go look up at Glass Boats on X.

Arielle Houlihan 23:44

Yeah, on X. And it was just things that Matt messed up, and it was it's actually crazy. I'm gonna read them in a blooper section for this podcast at Wilder Party. Maybe at the end of this podcast, I'll pull it up. Keep going.

Matt Houlihan 23:57

I feel like Daniel's looking it up right now.

Daniel Rasay 23:59

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Matt Houlihan 24:00

Oh, okay. There you go. Yeah. So yeah, exactly.

Arielle Houlihan 24:02

Oh, you're looking that up. Yeah. Oh, wait until you hear the ones that he's messed up.

Matt Houlihan 24:07

To put the pin in my part for Daniel's side, I think there's absolutely coaches that can perform and can get the most out of their team by verbally going after them. I absolutely think that that that is the case. Do I think that that is right for every athlete? Absolutely not. I think it's very challenging for a lot of athletes. But if the overarching understanding of trust is there that what we're aiming for is excellence, and the reason why I'm yelling is because you're not living up to the standard of excellence, there's something there. And some athletes really do connect with that, and that is okay. I think a lot of athletes are not that and struggle with that and can really cower away from it. Um, so it's it's a it's kind of an input-output thing. You need the right people around you to be able to be that coach, and so you have to recruit to that. What's your thoughts on that?

Arielle Houlihan 25:07

Uh I think that there are a lot of ways to do things, which is what you said. There are there are a lot of ways to do things. Uh I think that the reason why the culture has shifted is because people are not okay with abuse. There is a there is a very, very, very uh hard line on what people used to do, coaches, chefs, leaders, that what people used to do that was borderline, if not over the line, of abuse. And so culture shifted with the abuse getting called out, and people now can't get away with doing the things that they used to do because it was borderline abuse. Um that being said, I think that people crave discipline and people crave a structure. There's a reason the military is as in line as they are because the structure and the discipline is so healthy and is so good, and the the way that you go about that is different in different settings. Um I my personal style is uh I would say that it's when they think that they're good, that's when I'm harder on them. And it's when they are struggling, it's when I'm giving them grace at times. Um, there's also times where I'm it just depends. I'm always gauging uh where they are at, where I am at, where we are at. Um that's that's always something that I'm gauging. But uh in the practice gym of being the drill sergeant or the that has never been my style, but I also am very uh strict in certain things. So the yelling and screaming, I think is there is a time and a place. I don't I wouldn't say that no, I'm not a yeller. I don't I don't think that I always I'm always like that, but yeah, I have the I will yell if I need to. Um if I believe that my the level of my voice is going to affect the impact that I need to make, I have the level there and I can raise it. Um but it's the abuse that I see as the reason for the change.

Matt Houlihan 27:40

I think we can all agree that there's a there's just a hard line on you can't go bop portucci and slap the kid across the across the face during things.

Arielle Houlihan 27:49

That was insane when that happened. But like even the the borderline abuse, that is what that is what in our sport we've had uh we still have an issue with especially in college coaching on the borderline abuse. What does that actually look like? Um whether it's mental abuse, whether it's physical abuse, whether that physical abuse is so much easier to see happen. The mental abuse is not. It's not the emotional abuse is not easy to see. Um, and it does not mean it's not real and it's not valid and it's not there. So I think that that's where uh the the over the line abuse is so easy. That's that's where people have gotten fired and in trouble, and that's an easy one. It's the borderline abuse that that is where uh where people are like, uh, is that okay that you do that? That's not that's where we're talking, uh I feel uh pretty strongly on like reasons why you're doing what you're doing and who that involves. Like that there has to be so much intention in the way that you are taking care of kids. Yeah.

Matt Houlihan 29:04

I want to have let Daniel have the final word on this. The one thought I had after after hearing you speak there, I think sometimes I this is what I feel when I'm parenting and struggling with my own daughters on my own frustration coming up. And when I raise my voice at them, I usually feel that it comes from a place where I'm actually just frustrated with myself because I can't come up with the right words to get through to them. And so I will raise my voice because either I feel like they're just not they're not connecting or not listening. Uh, but in reality, most of the time it's just I'm not connecting with them on the right level for it. So that's just one one aspect where I felt like I sense when I do that, uh, more often than not, it's more my own issue than it is like my children or even my athletes. Right? There's times where I yell at an athlete because I think they're just they're not paying attention and they're disregarding what I'm saying because they're not focused or whatever it may be. And more often than not, when I look back and I reflect on it, I think, oh, actually, I just didn't do a good job of explaining what it is that I needed to that person, and I need to do a better job as a coach in that moment. But Daniel, final word for you. I know you you have spent probably more time than anyone in terms of reflecting on the best way to communicate to athletes. So what's your thoughts on this?

Daniel Rasay 30:25

So I think sports is an intense environment to be in, and sometimes you're in a loud gym and you just need to yell as well. And I think it is how they are filtering or interpreting the tone and the words that are coming out. And that's it takes more than just yelling at them to understand that, it takes conversations on the side. I adopted um I guess a technique of if I did need more intensity and I did raise my voice, there was always a follow-up conversation with every one of the athletes and say, Hey, I got heated, you know, it's the competitiveness in me. I believe you had more in you, and I was trying to get that out of you. That may not work. It I mean, I did see you kind of change what you were doing there, so that was great, but that's not how I want to motivate you. I'd like you to figure out how to do that so I don't have to be the one that's doing the motivating. And in every follow-up conversation I've pretty much had, every athlete's been like, no, I understood what what I needed to do, and it was you know, in the conversations that we had outside of that, and I think that's important. I I've been having more of those conversations with my kids as well as a parent of like, you know, today, even my son was I told him to do his homework, he wasn't doing it, he laid around, he wasn't doing it, and then he said he didn't know how to do it, but he made no attempt, so obviously I was like, Kellen, and I raised my tone and we had a follow-up conversation, and he understood. And so it takes some time and some effort and some emotional intelligence, but I do think that we as parents and we as coaches need to have conversations so that their filter is getting the information that they need in order to be the best versions of themselves.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

Agreed.

Matt Houlihan 32:15

Look how much this podcast is evolving, guys. Look at us. This is amazing. Emotional Chad over here. Emotional intelligence. Chad left. Chad, senior Chad. Chad's laying on the floor down there. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, that is actually one thing that's Jackson has in common with Chad. They're both stubborn as hell. Both those guys. All right. That's uh Is this it?

Arielle Houlihan 32:38

Oh no, no, no, it's not it. It's not it.

Chad’s Weekly Wedding Roundup

Matt Houlihan 32:40

We gotta Chad's The Blind Wedding Wup Date.

Arielle Houlihan 32:44

Chad's wedding whop date. Are we excited for this, everybody?

Matt Houlihan 32:48

I I purposely said do not open it so we can hear it. Okay, show more. The transcription is wild.

Arielle Houlihan 32:55

Okay, ready, everybody?

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Don't talk to me that name. Lacey Bobby. It's our 43rd take. It's five. Good evening, friends, and welcome to episode six of the weekly wedding roundup. Lacey and I have spent the last seven days here in Manhattan uh touring wedding venues from private clubs on the upper east side to some black tie friendly and playful hotels uh that also bring some funk that we think could be cool. No decisions haven't made yet, uh, but we'll continue to ponder. I myself have been to a couple of different fashion spots that I did not agree to. Uh, the first being a vintage clothing store where I bought a dinner jacket from 1902. So we'll see if that thing survives until the actual wedding. But it's been in 125 years, so I like its chances. Um this morning I went to a fine tailoring shop and tried on some different jackets, and uh got the vibe for the black tie vibe, if you will. And yeah, we have uh eaten at many amazing restaurants, our planner, Big Joe. Jesse's been amazing, has really opened some doors for us that we probably would not have been able to open ourselves. Uh, but at this point, we have no venue, no attire, and a bunch of decisions to make. But I think overall it's been a phenomenally productive week. Lacey has been drunk shopping all week. It's been great. Uh but we are both ready to sleep our own, sleep in our own bed.

SPEAKER_02 34:42

You say we're vetting venue options?

SPEAKER_01 34:44

We are vetting venue options. No, that's what we are wedding venue options? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Did you talk? Did you say anything about the venue options?

SPEAKER_01 34:55

Yeah, that's literally what I just did.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

You said we have no venue options.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

No, we have all the venue options. All right, credit group chat until week 11. This is the wedding update to send it off.

Arielle Houlihan 35:08

Oh my goodness. That's it. Chad's fired. He only can send us voice notes from now on. That was incredible. Uh, it sounded like he wrote some of that out. Yeah, yeah.

Matt Houlihan 35:17

Uh for a moment I was like, Chat GBT, but then I was like Chad GBT. But then I was like, no, there's definitely some personal personalized Chad touch. Oh my god. It's Claude. He's downloaded his brain into Claude. Claude wrote that for him.

Arielle Houlihan 35:32

Um okay, well, that was uh Chad's weekend, wedding weekend update. Uh and we will see you next week.

Matt Houlihan 35:43

On another rousing, raucous, rambunctious, and emotionally intelligent episode of the Coach's Group Chat. Wait.