Availing in Prayer - Marriage Edition

Explore God’s design for marriage, prayer, and spiritual responsibility through biblical principles of headship, submission, honour, and sacrifice. This teaching examines the difference between unanswered, hindered, and misguided prayers, the importance of self-control and understanding in relationships, and how husbands and wives can cultivate peace, unity, and spiritual growth by following God’s ways and prioritising one another.

Transcript

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So we're still on the topic of prayer, but um today I want you to entitle it Aveiling in Prayer. Aveiling in Prayer. It's a very important topic because we are gonna look at the different uh the different things the scripture says regarding the different types of prayers and the different ways we can deal with prayer, amen. Of course, we're talking about availing in prayer, but we're also speaking about marriage, amen. So this is in the context of marriage, amen. Reason why we're talking much on marriage is because it is the season. So it's important for you to prepare yourself for that. You don't get your house in order whilst marriage, you get your house in order before marriage. Amen. You get your house in order before marriage. This is important. Yeah, Ephesians chapter five, verse twenty-three. Thank you, sir. Ephesians chapter five from verse twenty-three says, For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Amen. Um truth. I'm gonna start here, then I'll continue. Amen. But this is a very important truth that I want you to really take serious, amen. It says, For the husband is the head of his wife, amen. The husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church. That statement has not been taken very seriously in the body of Christ, amen. And I think if it did, we wouldn't have much divorce. The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Now, I've seen a lot of different uh breakdowns, especially more from Americans and Europeans, who try to make it uh feminist friendly. Okay, and they press very hard on servant leadership. I'm sure you've heard that term, servant leadership, amen, and then they proceed to explain servant leadership, and in the manner in which they explain it, somehow puts the emphasis that Christ was putting on the husband, on the wife, and so I want to touch on this and then and then really sit on the prayer part of it. Praise God forevermore. All right, it says the husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church. If I am the head of my wife, as Christ is the head of the church, I must relate to my wife the way Christ relates to the church. Amen. Now, in the church, have you noticed that Christ tells us what to think about? In the book of Philippians, he says, think on these things. So down to your thoughts, he controls. But the beautiful part of it is that you have given him that authority when you accepted him. You said you become my master, my lord. Not your Lord at your convenience, he becomes your Lord in everything. Can we accept that truth? So the Bible says that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. So, does that mean I can tell my wife what to think? Some people said no, they don't understand the scripture. On this side of the world, they'll say you're controlling her. I told you, I told you if you really understood this thing called marriage, if you really understood it, you take your time, you'll take your time and assess yourself. Christ says, put off the old man in the book of Romans, put off the old man, put on the new man. So he's even telling us how to behave, not only how to think, how to behave. Amen. So effectively, Christ sees for us. When when I see things going terrible and terribly in my life, okay, uh, something may not be going as I want it to go. He says, Don't look at that, see what I want you to see. Christ says, Take your eye off that and put your eyes on what I've asked you to put your eyes on. Which also gives the husband the authority to do the same with his wife. You can tell your wife, stop focusing on this. I need you to focus on this. Following the scripture, the Bible way is the sure way. That's why husbands, I'm calling you husbands here because I'm prophesying, all right? Husbands don't be in a rush to pick a woman who does not understand these things. You see the process that you went through where you gave your life to Jesus, and you were over time trying uh coming to understand what it means to give your life to him. Okay, it's better that you do that process before marriage. With Christ, okay, you can come in and then discover more. With marriage, I advise that you discover as much outside of it, and then so that you can get in, and that process is very, very calm and peaceful. So, for the men, this is why it's very important. Don't don't go and pick a lady for you to marry or come together with based on outside appearance, and you have not gone through doctrines with her. She may even go to another church, but they they may not teach her this. You find her, and you you are now of another revelation, and she is of another revelation, and you have conflict. Praise God. Of course, as I'm talking to the men, I'm also talking to the women. Ensure that the husband that you are saying yes to is under the same teachings. This is very important stuff. How many celebrations happened? You spent 30, 40,000 pounds on a wedding fifteen years later for it to crash. 15 years later for it to crash. And I remember reading in the book of Malachi chapter 2, God says, I hate divorce. He hates it because of the things that come with divorce. But let me go back to what I was saying earlier on. Okay, so if I'm just just like God has placed me as the head of the congregation, yeah, He He's put that put the grace on me, that anointing on me, and said, You're the head of the congregation. So the congregation cannot see on my behalf. So the congregation cannot come and say, I think you should preach this. The congregation cannot do that because the eyes are set on the head. Yeah. So a wise wife knows where her her limits are, where she cannot cross. You know, sometimes, sometimes your body is is is kicking for a particular thing, but if you're wise, you ignore it. For example, when it's time to fast, we don't give your body the information, we give your mind the information. Do you understand that? And your mind accepts that picture that it's time for fasting, but the body will surely rebel. What is that? That's the body telling you, I have my own will, just like the wife will have her own will. Are you listening? So, the woman that comes into marriage, you will have your own desires. No, nobody's saying that you're not allowed to have your own desires. We know that you will have your own desires, we know you will see things differently. We know that at times you will think that your way is better than his way. But you must trust that the eyes are not on the body, it's on the head. Amen. It doesn't mean that the wife doesn't have sight, because in the spirit, sight is your whole body, amen. So, so I'll give you this example, all right? The body may recommend something to me, but as it's recommending it, I must crush check it with what I'm seeing. For example, for example, yeah, I may the body may say to me, all right, that uh that this is uh this place is too hot. Alright, this this is this environment, because you feel that in your body, right? This is this place is very hot. Amen. Now, if if if I make a decision based on that alone, I may leave the environment. But if I start to see, I may find that there's an AC somewhere that can change this temperature. So whatever information is coming to the wife must be checked and cross-checked by the husband as the head of the home. Because again, the eyes are set on the head, but in God's wisdom, it is true that the body cannot work without the head, and the head by itself is useless. So you need each other, but I'm emphasizing on the importance of the role of the man, of the husband, but also at times it's also important for the husband to also check his body if his body is okay. Do you know you don't like that side of things? The men were very excited when I was talking about how they should lead. Now I'm going on the other side, creating balance, and the men are quiet. Amen. It's okay. So, nevertheless, I was saying that as as the head of the body, it's important for you to check if the body is functioning properly. Do you understand? So, information on the direction of the family comes to the husband. Even if the wife gets a revelation, she cannot just move on that revelation without the signing off of her husband. Do you know that God can reveal something something to the wife? God says, I want you to do this, so I want you to run for prime minister. Okay, God, she keeps having these dreams that she should run for prime minister. The fact that you're married, you take that. God spoke to you, but you take that and submit it under your husband. Because as you've stepped into the constitution of marriage, yeah, Christ is no longer your direct head. You've chosen to submit that to a human being who has faults. Yeah, I didn't say he's perfect. You're choosing to submit it to a human being who has faults. Praise God. Some people say just because I got married doesn't mean that I lose my identity. You do, you do, it's better that I tell you the truth now. You do. If Lian gets married, understand Lian is no longer Lian. If Amy gets married, she's no longer Amy. Because two become one, so your original identity is gone before that time. You were your own head. You understand that? Yeah. Now, just to give you a quick disclaimer, I'm not saying that you can't go directly to Christ and pray to Him. That's not what I said. I'm saying the decision making of your moves are submitted to your husband. Every day you can be thinking a certain way. You know, you have a mindset. You say you came from a particular home, so you see things a certain way. Your husband can say to you, My dear, please stop seeing things this way. Set your heart on these things. Your response is yes, sir. Can I ask you a question? Can you can you argue with the scripture? Should you argue with the scripture? So, why are you arguing with a man you chose to lead you who is submitted to God? There it is. And wisdom, your wisdom in your spirit, in your wisdom, because I've heard this argument before, but but that man is not Christ. Don't you think that Christ knew that when he gave us this revelation? Do you not think that Christ knew that that man has a humanity side versus a divinity side? Do you not think that Christ knew that you'll be washing his dirty clothes and you'll see the dirty clothes and you'll be cooking for him as well? And sometimes you even, you know, wash up after him. You're doing all the things you do for your children for him. Yet he says, submit everything under him. And this type of structure causes for the man to walk circumspectly. You know, you walk very carefully because you know that you have a lot of responsibility on you. Sometimes when someone submits to you so much, it causes for you to realize how much responsibility you have. Submission pushes your husband into maturity, your submission, but when you fight him, you bring out the fool in him. Amen. Yeah, you bring out the fool in him. So if you're a young lady here and marriage is what you're after, okay, marriage is what you're after. This is something that you must start practicing now. Learning what your position is, where God has asked you to stand, and it doesn't stop there. He says, Submit unto your husbands, all right, as as the church submits unto Christ, because he is the savior of the body. That's a pivotal part. The husband is the savior of the body as Christ is the saviors of the savior of the body as well. Amen. Imagine taking medication without your head. Imagine that. Alright, let me change it for you. Imagine taking medication without your eyes, so you're you're picking what medication to take based on your feelings. Can I give you more revelation on that? That's why you find that women are so emotional. Because you're the body, the body is ruled by sense knowledge. Men are very logical because we are ruled by sight. A, B, C. I have literally had this back and forth with my wife. Literally, this very thing I'm about to tell you now. I will get somewhere and I'll look at a color and I'll say, That's purple. She'll say, No, it's not. I said, That looks purple. Purple to me, she'll say no, it's violet. To me, that looks purple, amen. That looks purple to me. Understand yourselves. You find that ladies, women, girls, you're very, very subjective. Okay, you're subjective bound. Men are very objective. A is A, B is B. It's very simple. Does that make sense? Yeah. We make decisions based on what we see. You make decisions based on how you feel. Christ knew that, so He He said, You are the body. But if you keep making decisions based on how you feel, what kind of life will you live? That's why he says, Take what you have, submit it under your husband who can see. But at times the wise husband should also turn and look at his wife and say, What do you feel about this? Because some decisions you have to be subjective. Not everything can be attended to based on sight. Some decisions you need that side, the subjective side. So a wise man will sit and look at his wife and say, How do you feel about this? A great actor in uh Nigeria. I was watching his interview uh last year, and he said uh that his dad sat him down and his father said, Um, you're about to marry soon. He said, All your business dealings pass it through your wife. So he was confused. He said, he asked his dad why? And his dad said to him, The reason why I'm asking I'm telling you that is because your mother told me who to do business with and who not to do business with, and I didn't listen, and I lost a lot of money for the first 15 years of our marriage. He said, Really? And he explained, he said, Yes, I would ask her, um, I would present to her a business I'm about to do an investment, and she would say, I have a bad feeling. And because he's ruled by sight, he's looking at the stock market, he's looking at all the facts, and he's like, This is the direction I should go in. She is saying, I have a bad feeling about this. Praise God. Every single time he went against what his wife said, he lost money. Do you see the balance that Christ creates here? It causes, it causes for your wife to submit to you, but in some way you must also submit to her. The men are very angry about that. Let me put it this way: in your home, yeah, in your home, you are not supreme leader. I know it sounds like you are, but you're not. Do you understand? Even God Himself asks us, What do you want me to do for you? He came to Solomon, he said, What would you like me to do for you? Amen. God was going to make a decision, and Moses turned around and said, God, you can't do that. And the Bible says, God repented. So God can be supreme leader, but he chooses not to be. So as a man, it's in your interest not to be a supreme leader. Take the counsel of your wife with wisdom. But what I wanted to really drive there in that scripture is that wives know where your responsibility stops. You need to be able to discern that. Think about how ridiculous that sounds. Alright, you have a headache, so you start punching your head. That's that's what you're doing. So because there's a problem in the house, you're fighting your husband. Because there's because you have a headache or your body's feeling away, you start punching your own head. Would we not now say that okay, this person is ill, this person is cognitively challenged? Is that a correct, you know, thing? Alright. Let me show you some more things. Amen. Now, I said that today is about availing in prayer, right? Okay. So I'm gonna teach you the difference between I think it's good that you write this down. There's a difference between praying amiss, okay, and your prayers being hindered. Okay, there's those are those are two different things. And there's also a third one, which is your prayers uh not even being heard. So I'll give you an example. In the book of Luke, Jesus said, Don't pray like the Pharisees with their many words, and think that your prayer will be heard. So just I'm gonna give you the actual scripture for it, but just write that down, okay? So that's prayers being heard. So that's the prayer landing in the first place, okay? And then if we go to Psalm sixty-six, verse eighteen. Thank you, sir. Psalms chapter fifty-six sorry, sir. Psalms chapter sixty-six eighteen. From verse eighteen says, If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear. So what he's saying there is if if you uh if you have iniquity, sin in your heart, okay, and you've done nothing about it, and you go into the place of prayer, and you've done nothing about this thing, and you're praying with this thing in your heart, your prayers are not even landing. Do you understand that? It's good that you write this down. This is this is very important stuff, I'm telling you, and you'll see how this links to marriage in a second. Just have to give me time to kind of you know, kind of bring you in. Let's go to James chapter four. Thank you, sir. James chapter four from verse three says, You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss that you may spend it on your pleasures. Did you hear that? Okay. So there's praying amiss, yeah, and then there's prayers that are not heard. So there's praying amiss, and there's prayers that are not heard. So I'll try to give you a clearer definition of the two. One, you're submitting and it's not landing. No one heard anything, it's as if nothing happened. And that's to do with iniquity in the heart. So you know you have this iniquity in your heart, and you have not done anything about it, and you're comfortable in it, and you're praying. Prayers are not landing. Now, asking amiss is you praying in the wrong way. Because there's a way to pray, you've prayed in the wrong way. Amen. For example, if God says, if God says, I want you to always be praying when the sun is up, let's say that's one of the rules, which it's not, but let's just say it is, okay? He says, I want you to pray when the sun is up, and you pray when the moon is up. You've prayed amiss. Something that God says, I I I received something, but it's not the way I want it done. It's like I go to the restaurant and I say, I want my steak well done, and they give it to me medium rare. The steak came, but this steak is amiss. Do you understand what I'm teaching you? Yeah. So God saw the prayer, he actually received the prayer, but he says, No, no, no, no, this is this was not submitting in the manner in which I've asked you to submit. Because, and then he finishes the book of James, he finishes it and says, Because you're asking to feed your lusts. Does that mean I can't pray and ask God for something that I like or I want? No, you can, of course, you can. But he said, feed your lusts, your selfish desires. So when you ask God for something, for it to feed a character that He's asked you to leave behind is praying amiss. So God give me this so that my enemies can see this. Do you understand that? Now in the context of marriage, your partner does something, so you say, God, teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson. She must learn. Teach her a lesson. Teach her a lesson. What is that? Praying amiss. Read the book of James again. Thank you, sir. James, chapter 5. No, I'll read because you know it feels better. Okay. You know, just for this particular scripture. He says, Ye ask and receive not. So the first one, God didn't even have the opportunity to review it and say no. It just didn't even land. No, it didn't get declined, it didn't take off. That's what you have to understand. That prayer didn't, in fact, it wasn't a prayer. That wasn't prayer. That's one side of it. That's what I was explaining earlier. This one came to him, he reviewed it and said no. You ask and receive not. Because you pray amiss. Tell your neighbor, do God's things God's ways. Say, do God's things God's ways. He says, because you ask amiss that ye may consume it upon your lust. Father, bless me with more money. This is a prayer a lot of people have prayed. Bless me with more money. Okay, why? Why is it so you can buy the fanciest cars? You know, some people dress based on how much they actually have. So when they get rich, you will know they are rich. Everybody must know that that person is rich, that person has money. And you have others who have money and they don't need to do all of that. You can tell whether someone is lusting over someone. You should be balanced because our lives you have to live, you have to live it carefully. You can't want something too much. Too much food, you are growing big. Oh, you're too quiet. Too much food, you're unable to fast. Amen. Too much TV, you're renewing your mind. Too much women is adultery. You understand what I mean by balanced? As a man of God, you must be balanced. What business does a man of God have with coming in the church with two earrings? Why? You can accept that with some members. Some not or if I see disciples here with earrings. Some members who are still young, you know, growing in the things of God. We understand. But why why should I come in here with two biggest and blink earrings? Sometimes you can tell that you know there's there's an over it's overindulging, you know, two watches and a bracelet to show that I've got you know, I've got something. Praise God forevermore. No, as a priest, you must be balanced. It's okay to want food, it's fine. It's okay to want to have nice cars and nice things, but they should be balanced. We can tell when something is consuming you. Praise God forevermore. So this is this is very important. James chapter uh uh two, is it? Yeah, chapter four, sorry, yeah, verse three you ask and receive not because you ask and miss that you may consume it upon your lust. So you're feeding areas of your life that God has asked you to completely abandon. Like drop this these areas, okay? Leave these areas. I don't want you involved in those areas. So that's asking and amiss. You understand so far? Are you sure? Let's go to first Peter chapter three. First Peter chapter three, verse seven. Thank you, sir. First Peter chapter three from verse seven says, Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Did you hear that? God didn't say that if you mistreat your wife, that he will not hear your prayer. He would definitely hear your prayer. God didn't say that if you mistreat your wife, that you're praying amiss. You're too quiet. He says your prayers will be hindered. You know what that means? Should I explain to you? All right, let me explain to you. It means that your prayer landed, God heard you, and it also means that God may have said yes, but you don't get the full desired result because you are maltreating your wives. Do you see why I said that you're not supreme leader? You're not supreme leader, brother. If that's what you thought, you're not, you're not. Some men, some husbands are broke because their wives are crying. Some husbands are constantly sick because their wives are crying, and now we know, okay, that women cry almost for everything. Okay, we we know, we know, so God is not gonna take on your tears just because you're crying. God is like, okay, I will hinder this prayer. Amen. He knows how emotional you can be. So God is a very just God, so he's not gonna make a decision based on tears alone. God weighs up are you treating her correctly or not? Are you doing what I've asked you to do? Because it could be the case that you, as the husband, you say no to something that she really wants, and she starts crying, and she goes to God and says, God, I really want this thing, and you're standing in the way and you say no. Will God hinder your prayers because of that? He's talking about in the manner in which you deal with her, not decision making. Can we reread that verse again? Look what it says carefully. Thank you. It says, Dwell with them, likewise, yeah husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge. Number one, you must go and research. Hello, you like I said a couple of weeks ago, who gave you wife? Who gave you wife you? You just discovered that there's a cycle as you got married. Who gave you a wife you before you get in there? You should have done your homework. You go and research about them. God is expecting you to do your homework about the functions of a woman and then the functions of your wife. Yeah, you must have done your homework. You must know that some things are just the way they are. Some behaviors you look at and you say, She's being who God has called her to be. This is it. Amen. Listen, listen, some things are what I call a woman's way. She, you, you had a nice day yesterday. You done everything right. The following day, she's annoyed. She's cooking the food with attitude. Everything is with attitude. You are asking yourself, you're thinking in your brain, what a rebellious woman. No, no, she's not rebellious. You must dwell with her with knowledge. Go and find out. Do you understand? I'm not saying find out why she's doing that. Find out that she does that. That's what I'm saying. Find out that that's the way of women. You should see women living with other women. If one of them does that, the other one will go and walk and go and get her favorite drink, favorite dish, and bring it and give it to. I'm thinking, I would have never thought of that. You know why? Because we're men. If I see my brother annoyed in the morning, I'll sit him down. What's wrong? He will speak. Ah, you're too quiet. Say, my brother, what's wrong? He will tell me everything in that second. I don't need to massage. I don't need to do this. Brother, what's wrong? Ah, do you know? I was thinking about this. This thing happened two weeks ago. I'm looking for a job. Oh, really? Bro, I'll help you. No worries. Okay, finish. He's okay again. A woman, what's wrong? Nothing. It's nothing um um okay. If you haven't done your research, you haven't you haven't gone to seek for knowledge, you know what it will irritate you. You see, this woman is a witch, she's rebellious. You must go and seek knowledge after them. Find out that those moments, you understand? Do what her girls would do, go and get her favorite milkshake or whatever. And I know in our minds as men, it's like, why do why why? But that's that's the question. Who gave you wife? You should you should have known that this is the investment. It's like with some mothers, who gave you a baby? Who? Why? Who gave you child? Who gave you a baby? Praise God. Tell your neighbor if he's a man, dwell with them with knowledge. No, tell them, dwell with them with knowledge. Some things, as men, I'm talking to the men here. Some things you have to be okay, not understanding, but bearing. Yeah, like you don't understand. I listen, I'm being open with you. Some I've sat down multiple times and said, and I've tried I've drawn it out on a piece of paper. What she did this this morning, 9 55. She did this. Where did I go wrong? And and God says, It's got nothing to do with you. No, I I mapped it out. I'm telling you, listen, God, 9 55, this happened. 1012, this happened. I even offered for us to go out. We've arrived at 8 o'clock. She's annoyed. What did I do wrong? Yeah, no, I'm asking God, what did I do wrong? I'm praying all kinds of prayers. Why is there no peace? You know, God says it's got nothing to do. No, because peace to us is different to peace to them. You must understand that. Us peace is just quiet, just leave us alone. In a man cave or in our favorite spot or watching our favorite program, just leave us. We are okay. And men can be very minimalistic. Do you understand? In my first apartment, my very first apartment that I got, she came, there was a couch, that's it. I'm telling you, she can tell you. Couch, no TV, nothing. Couch, one white table, one chair for me alone. Man, in the fridge, milk, bread, salami for me alone. Finished. She came in the house. What's this? You only have a couch. I said, That's all I need. And you know what topped her off? I was sleeping on the couch and I had a room with a bed in there. But I was sleeping on the couch. When I got married and she moved in, the amount of things we were buying, I didn't see the need for. TV came in, picture on the wall. Why do I need a picture on the wall? Why? Amen. Some listen, men, follow me here. Dwell with them with knowledge, and some things you must be okay with not knowing why. Just accept it and bear them. That's our responsibility. Are you listening? Say, I will bear my wife, even when I don't understand her. I will bear her. I will take it upon myself and carry her. Yeah. Praise God. And she will appreciate you. She will. She will. She because they they know themselves that sometimes they can be a lot. Yeah, do you understand? So they will appreciate you. Amen. So to wrap up this segment, okay. Look what it says here. It says, um, dove down with knowledge, giving honor unto the wife. So first go and do research about her, how she is, as a person, and generically as women, in order for you to give her honor. You won't be able to honor them if you don't understand them. Do you understand? So you must understand them. That is what is honor to them. Now, so for those of you that may be thinking, well, what does this have to do with prayer? You've got to finish the verse. It says, if you don't do these things, your prayers are hindered. So there's another scripture that says that uh the praise of the righteous availeth much. It means that there are degrees of power to prayer. Do you understand? So that if you are praying and you're not dealing with your wife of understanding, the degree of power that comes out of you when you're praying is really low. There's something that is hindering to hinder something is to stop that thing from manifesting. There's something that's stopping, that's that's uh a faulty conductor, it's cause it's called it's tripping, it's called it's causing for the energy to not flow the way it's supposed to. Do you understand? So you must do your homework and deal with them with knowledge and and honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel. That's a very important one. It doesn't now weaker vessel is not talking about physically. Amen. Weaker vessel is simply a vessel that can bear less than you. Do you understand? Women can argue with this all they like. Oh, there are women lead leaders everywhere, all of that stuff. I support you. That's nice. But let's look at the facts. Okay, let's look at the facts in the last 100 years. How many female presidents have there been? And some can argue we can blame it on different factors, okay? Women's rights being suppressed, okay. Let's talk about now then. How many female world leaders are there? And the ones that have been world leaders have had to give up husband and children, or they're born into it. God has created a woman and structured her to take care of her children to the best of her ability when that's what she's doing alone. If the woman is taking care of kids and working at the same time, what happens is her performance and quality drops for those children. But that's what God created her for first, if she chooses to get married. The purpose changes. If you're single, then we can't talk about kids because you're not allowed to have kids if you're single, right? According to the scripture, are we still going by the scripture? Yeah, so in in in as a single woman, God can use you for multiple things because your your full attention is on what He's asked you to do. But if you choose marriage, your primary purpose becomes children, take care of those kids, raise them with everything that you have. Because God is expecting them to be trained up in His way, and the training is done by the wife, the mother. The vision is given by the husband, the training is done by the mother. Hence why I encourage the men here if you will marry, retire your wife as soon as you marry her. If not, retire her at least a year or two later. That is, give her the freedom to focus on the children alone. You take care of all the bills. Is it now you're only realizing being a man is difficult? Amen. Yes, it is difficult, but that's what God has called us into. Yeah. You know why? Because we can bear much, they cannot bear much, they cannot, amen. Yes, and there are some strong-minded women out there, and I salute you, I respect you, and I honor you. But I know that as strong as you look, inside is not the same story. I've mentored for too long, I've pastored for some time. Amen. Yeah, inside is not the same. Praise God forevermore. So you're dealing with them, alright, based on uh them being a weaker vessel. So what that what that essentially means is I'll give you an example of one of my children. Everything he he must bring to me, that's a soul for him. Yeah, and on top of that, every two minutes he asks me what I'm doing. Every two minutes, we just spoke. I'll leave, come back, and he'll see me. Daddy, what are you doing? Say I'm standing here. And sometimes he'll ask me what I'm doing before I know what I'm doing. I'm figuring it out. I don't know what I'm doing. I just came out of prayer. Daddy, what are you doing? I just finished praying. Okay, now I'm on my way downstairs to think about what I'm doing. Daddy, what are you doing? I'm thinking about what I'm about to do. Praise God. Not only, Daddy, what are you doing? But everything he hurts himself. Daddy, come and pray for me. And I realize it's not even, I don't even pray anymore. He'll just give me his hand, I'll touch it, and he'll run off. It's fine now. Amen. He's bringing everything to me to problem solve at that tender age. Praise God. And this is the relationship that God actually wants with husband and wife. And as a man, it shouldn't irritate you. She should bring everything to you to problem solve. You problem solve for her. I'm not saying wife should not take initiative, no, she should take initiative, but I'm saying you should be the problem solver. You she should see you as a safe haven. Where she can bring her prayer requests, Amen. Prayer requests, she can bring prayer requests to you and say, Can you take care of this for me? Amen. And you should be able to say, Yes, yes, yes, I'll I'll take care of that. Yeah, fine, financial issues she brings to you, you say, I'll take care of that. Did you know that when you marry her, her debts become your debts? As in as in if she's 50k in debt, that's your debt. You see, this this division mentality in the you don't follow their image of marriage. They didn't create marriage, God created marriage. Yeah, yeah, you have to be wise. If you meet her and God says she's the one and she's 20k in debt, don't even be angry. That's your debt. Yeah, that's your debt. You cannot complain, you cannot be irritated, you cannot be annoyed. The question I will ask you is who gave you wife? Who gave who honored you with a wife? You that you are complaining, sir. I'm working hard and this and that. Who gave you wife? Yeah. If you don't understand these things, forget marriage. Yeah, tell your neighbor, forget marriage. You don't want to understand these things. Let me show you a last scripture. I'll show you a last scripture. Amen. Yeah, it has to be the last one. Malachi chapter 2, verse um thirteen. Thank you, sir. Malachi chapter 2, from verse 13, says, And this is the second thing you do. You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying, so he does not regard the offering any more, nor receive it with good will from your hands. Continue, verse 14. Yet you say, For what reason? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously, yet she is your companion. Did you hear the wife? Continue, finish that, finish that. And your wife by covenant. Listen to that. I'm gonna read again, okay? And this have you done again, covering the altar of the Lord with tears. So you're praying and crying on the altar of God with weeping, which is a deeper level, with crying out, in so much that he gathered not the offering anymore, or receiving receiveth it with good will at your hand. So there was too much offering. So you you gave seeds, you cried, you prayed, you done everything. Okay. Yet ye say, wherefore, because the Lord has yet ye say, sorry, wherefore? So what's going on? Because the Lord has been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth against whom thou hast dealt treacherously. Yet is she thy companion and the wife of thy covenant? And did not he make ye one? Yet, verse 15, had he the residue of the spirit, and wherefore one that he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. Did you hear that? So again, Jerusalem was crying out to God, Jerusalem and Judah crying out. God, God, God, we're giving uh seeds and sacrifices and all of that, and uh it's to no effect. God says, Yes, because I've been a witness. Remember, I spoke about witness but two or three, so two being married, the third one is Christ as a witness, and he stands there. You see, when you guys are having conversations, he stands as a third witness. He can see whether you, as the man, you're being unfair, or you're you're you're you're violating on taking advantage of your authority. He's there as a witness, and he says, I'm watching and I've seen, and I'm not happy that you're dealing treacherously with the wife of your youth. So did I not make you one? Is she not with you by covenant? This is not some any lady, this is your wife. You have to deal with her with understanding, not treacherously. So it says all of those things are all the things in which you are asking for are hindered. You sow a seed, the seed is supposed to germinate a thousand times over, it germinates five times. Yeah, you're prayed for because you're sick and you're healed that day, tomorrow the sickness comes back. Somebody's crying. We have to investigate you. Yeah, we have to investigate you. Amen. You know, sometimes when a husband says, Oh, she's the my wife is stressing me out, that that term, uh that statement, sorry, rather, can be valid if we investigate and we see that okay, her behavior is not consistent with the word of God. But if she's doing what women do, as in what we've known women to do since the beginning of time, and that is what is stressing you out, you shouldn't have been married in the first place. And what I'm getting at is some men deal treacherously with their wives based on them just being women, or just doing what women do. Praise God. So I know that most men here you want uh you want success, you want financial success. Is that correct? You want spiritual success. I'm preparing you for the next stage. You've gone into another stage of your life, yeah, where you have to now tread carefully, yeah. Likewise, I started by talking about wives. Did I not? I know as I've ended as I'm ending, you started to enjoy it because I was dealing with the men really, but I started with the women, yeah. As in, if there is trouble between parents and a child, I'll start with the child first. I'll say, you owe your parents respect, then I'll talk to the parents privately. Amen. Yeah, so um, I spoke to the wives first. I said, You must understand what a husband is. Praise God. You must understand what a husband is. You do not deal with your husband based on his weaknesses. That's not your job. Do you know what I mean by that? Handling him based on his weaknesses. You handle him based on what the word of God says, not even his strengths. Put this rule in place. Alright, the couples and those are even the singles. Okay, put this rule in place. Try this. This year, for the rest of the year, we will not have one argument. We will only speak and disagree and agree in love. Try that. We will not argue. There will be no more arguments. So what that what is that? Raising of the voice. Emotional. What's the word I'm looking for? You said? Emotional what? I can't hear him. Yeah, there should be emotional intelligence. Yes, absolutely. But I was gonna go down the direction of there shouldn't there shouldn't be emotional outbursts. Yes, sir. Do you understand? Because I know that that's that uh men can be like that when they're under pressure and stressed, and the women can just be like that. Amen. Do you understand? So just you know, by default. So I'm saying try your best to regulate all of that. And men, when you notice that eruption, you can diffuse the matter by not attending to it. Praise God. Now, there's three minutes left of my time, and I'm gonna take questions on this, on what I've just spoken about, because I know I spoke about prayer and I spoke about the dynamics between husband and wife. Amen. I spoke about just to quickly go over it, pray is being hindered, amen. Which is just what I just spoke about just now. Pray is um praying amiss, and praise being not heard, amen. So I would like you to ask questions on this topic. We have three minutes, I'll answer the questions and then we will pray. What are you praying for? You're praying for yourself and you're praying for your partner. I don't want you to go into union, okay, and then divorces assured later. In in that verse, I think um, where is it? I think it's 16 and 17. It says there that uh God hates divorce. Yeah, you have wearied the Lord with your words, yet you say, Wherein we have wearied him, when you say, Everyone that doeth evil is good in the sight of the Lord, and he delights in them. Where is the God of judgment? Is it 16? For the Lord the God of Israel saith that he hateth putting away, yeah. Divorces putting your wife away, you you know, cut her off. He hates it because of what it comes with. It first it takes a massive toll on the children, it's the children that get hit, yeah. Alright, let's get Nelly a microphone. He has a question, then I'll go to the gentleman on the third row as well. Yes. Thank you, man of God. Um, you spoke about um one having sin on their heart, and if you don't do anything about it, um your prayers are not gonna they're just not gonna fly off, basically. I wanted to know what you meant by that, um, by sin in your heart, and I also wanted to know if you do, if one recognizes to have sin in the heart, then what does it mean then to um like what are they supposed to do to obviously? Okay. Um the thing is, okay, let me let's try something. Let's go to Isaiah 59. Let's go to Isaiah 59, let's see if it uh answers. So it says, Behold, so see, the Lord's hand is not shortened that it cannot save, neither his hair, his ear heavy, that it that he cannot hear. Yeah, to but your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you that he will not hear. Now, what's interesting about that is he first tells you about God's ability. He says, God can see you, he can hear you, all right, he can hear when you pray, but he's not hearing it. This is not God ignoring you. Some of you think God is from Africa, where he's like, you know, no, it's not that he's ignoring you, he actually cannot hear. And the reason he cannot hear is verse 2 but your iniquities have separated you from him, your iniquities have separated you from him, not him from you. So your sin in your heart has pushed you away from him, and then look what it says as well. It says, Um, and your sins have hid his face from you. That's so key. He didn't say God hid his face from you, he said your sins hid his face. Your sins hid God's face. So because you're in sin, you can't even see him. Because you're in sin, you can't even recognize him. Praise God. Because you're in sin, you're unable to discern when God is even talking to you. You you gotta deal with this thing, brother. You have to deal with this thing. You have to you have to deal with it. You can't be a Christian with big dreams and you're struggling with sin. Your head can only go as high as your self-control. Your head, you see your head, yeah. If you want to prosper and live anyhow, you can be a Christian. Go and do go and have a covenant with Satan, then you you will prosper. And it's not even real prosperity because as you're moving forward, he's taking something from you. You understand that? So it's not real prosperity anyway, but with God, if you want to move with God, you have to give him all of you, everything. You've got to give up this thing. You may be praying to God, God, make me financially buoyant. God says, That's not my focus. I want all of you. That secret sin you're hiding. I need you to submit, submit it to me on the altar so I can fix this. Yeah, I need to deal with this, and the longer you take to realize this, the more you'll find that you are struggling, you're fighting. Do you understand? Oh, I know Christians that work hard. I've met Christians that because of how hard they work, I feel I feel lazy. You know, if you're around them too much, you start feeling like maybe I'm unproductive. But a wise man looks at the results. So when you look at their results, and I look at my results, I'm not working as hard as this guy, but my results are speaking far louder because there's something in him that God is not happy with him. So God says, No, I don't have anything to do with what you've got going on. Surrender everything. Nelly, does that make sense? Yeah, I haven't actually finished it. It says, your iniquities have separated you from your God, and your sins have hid his face from you that he will not hear. So, what that tells me is that in order for me to pray, I need to see. Highlight that. I'll go deeper on that another time. In order for me to pray, I need to see. I need to see. Verse 3 is even this is very heart-wrenching. Like when you go through Isaiah 59, yeah, the prophet Isaiah was really, really hammering them. And this is some of your lives here. Says, for your hands are defiled with blood, and your fingers with iniquity, your lips have spoken lies. Yeah, your tongue has muttered perverseness. So we will repent today. We'll give you an opportunity to do that. Amen. Are you okay with that? Yes, sir. Alright, let me hear from the gentleman there, please. Yeah. Right. Um, earlier we um compared the the head, the man, as as Christ. So in a scenario where um you you want to get her to look at a certain area in a certain manner, and she just refuses, she just blunt about it and say, Listen, this is not about religion. She's just obstinate and says, No, I'm not doing it. And okay, you give it, you give it a break, pray about it, fast it, and nothing has changed. Have you chosen a miss? He said, Chosen a miss. That's a very good question. Thank you so much. Um, if you find that your wife is the wife that God has said, this is her, this is the person that you should be with, she's showing behaviors of stubbornness. Yeah, it doesn't mean that you've chosen a miss. What that means is that a door has been opened where the enemy is now manipulating her. So this is a cause for prayer. Remember, the beauty of marriage is that she willfully submits to you, not you forcing her to do it. So if you ask her to change her mindset on something and she doesn't want to change her mindset on that thing, you cannot force her. Remember, you're not supreme leader. Some of you think that you're you're running the UAE, you're not supreme leader. Do you understand? You're not supreme leader, so you can't force her, but what you can do is deal with those spirits that are causing for her to be stubborn, those demonic spirits that have because you you married her based on what God said, God knowing that this person will aid your purpose. So if you're asking her to do something that's aiding your purpose and she's refusing, outright refusing, that's a cause for prayer. If I'm you, I'm using my hands, the Bible says, lay hands on the sick. She's ill. Yeah, yeah, no, you're ill. I've given the instruction, you're not following it. You are a sick person now to me. So I'll take my hand, I will lay it on you every day, and I'll declare what I want to see. So you will you will listen, you'll follow instructions. Praise God. Of course, I'm humorizing it, but I'm saying you must pray for her. Yeah, you must go into the place of prayer and bind and detain those evil spirits that are causing confusion in your home. Amen. I hope I've answered your question. Praise God forevermore. I'll take one more, and then we will have a nice time in the place of prayer. I'm it I'm expecting, especially the married couples, to be asking a lot of questions. Because a lot of you will be the ones that keep me up at 3-4 a.m. Okay, thank you. Thank you, sir. Um earlier you spoke about um wives understanding where their I guess advice um slash counsel should stop. How can the wife discern um which areas in which their advice should not be there, I guess? Okay, so I I said that you should be careful, you should know where your jurisdiction is. Do you understand? Um for example, I'll give you an example. Yeah, there was a case in which I knew of where a wife counseled a young man had an issue with his pastor, yeah, whom he was very close to. Issues with how the pastor had been maybe dealing with him or treating him or whatever. So he shared that with his wife. Okay, and you know what she did? She validated how he felt. Because that's how women, no, no, that's how women are. You guys are very good at kind of you know taking care of the heart of the person. She validated, I understand you, and you know, it's true. You know, he shouldn't have done that. She kind of went down that route, you know. And uh, when everything was okay again, and they had a disagreement some months later, he he brought it up to me. Yeah, he said, Do you know that this is what she told me a couple of months ago? I said, See, see, see couples, they will share something now, and then when there's an issue, they will start exposing each other tomorrow. This thing of marriage, yeah. I'm telling you, you need wisdom. Now she was looking at him like, but I helped you, and we agreed, and he was he was saying to me, She tried to poison me, sir, against you, sir. Yeah, amen. Now, if she was wise, she would have discerned that this is a no-go area. If he's upset about something, just give him a listening ear and then say, Let's pray together. Don't team up with him against his mentors because he wouldn't he will need them tomorrow when he comes back to his senses, then he will turn on you and say, You try to poison me. Amen. A wise woman knows her jurisdiction, she knows where to stop. Can I give you another counsel on that? If he's talking about his parents, stay out of it. Why is my mom like this? Why is my dad like this? They've always been like this, they made me suffer when I was young. You say, Let's pray for them. Let's pray for them. Don't say, you know what, I noticed that about your mom, and actually, I actually noticed that about your mother. Now, you see, when you're doing that in the moment, he no, you'll be like, Okay, yeah, no, it's true because my mom is like that. Tomorrow, tomorrow, that's when the tables will turn, when everyone has gone back to normal. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Yeah, so that's a very good question. You must know, ask God for the wisdom. The book of James, the same book we just read, says, Those that do not have wisdom, ask for it, ask God for wisdom. This is a wisdom from above, and God will tell you, you'll feel it in your spirit as a woman of God, you'll feel it. No, no, no, no. This area, mm-mm, I'm staying out of it. Tomorrow, all the guns will turn on me. Yeah, praise God. Yeah, and there are some areas as well where you can recommend and you should recommend. You you you can give your input, but not aggressively. You suggest and you leave it, put it in prayer. Amen. Have I have I answered your question, or do you want me to go deeper on that? Amen. God bless you. You have a question? Okay, go to Ernest. Thank you, sir. One of the scriptures you went over was understanding your wife, dealing with her with understanding and honor. So, how would you advise husbands to deal with their wives with honor as the Bible as the Bible subscribes? And how would you advise us to love our wives like Christ loves the church? Um, there's multiple ways to do it. Uh, it's difficult for me to give you one way of doing it because just before that it says um deal with her in knowledge. So it's highly dependent on what you discover about that person. Do you understand? Because honor to one woman may not be honor to another. Do you understand? So you must research on your specific partner, find out what it is that is honorable for her. Like some women love being defended, that's when they feel honored, like they want to feel protected and defended, they want to feel like I'm with a man. Praise God, and then there are others who if you try to defend them, they will get upset and say, You're making me feel less than. Yeah. There's some cultures, there's some women that are from such a culture. Because if you in their culture, the women are very dominant. Yeah, so the women are taking over, organizing, doing this and doing that. So you try to protect her, she's seeing it as an insult. Do you understand? So you must do your research on what is honorable to this to this lady. Do you understand? Yeah, some women breakfast in bed makes sense for others, you know, is a disaster. You know, you know, in the movies, breakfast in bed always seems clean. In real life. There's crust on the bed, there's no no no no no no no no no no, it's not as nice as it seems. There's some women who do not deserve such a thing, yeah. You know, because the whole bed will turn into a kitchen, amen. Praise God. Of course, that was a joke, obviously. Every wife deserves breakfast in bed, amen. God bless you. Thank you, thank you. Have I answered your your that was the first part. You you said the second part was how would you advise us to love our wives like Christ loves the church? That's a pretty straightforward answer. Christ loves us through correction. Okay, he loves us through leading by example. Okay, he corrects us and he leads by example, and the last one is he sacrifices for us. Sacrifice. Do you understand? Now, I'll give you a tiny wisdom here. Yeah, just imagine Christ died for us on the cross and didn't tell us. Would you be compelled to give your life to him? It's the message that causes the man to move, isn't it? So when you're sacrificing for your wife, tell her, tell her it will cause her to change towards you. Show her that this is a difficult thing for me to do, but I'm gonna do it because I love you. You have no idea what you've moved in her spirit. Yeah, when you do sacrifices, don't keep it hidden to yourself and just cover I'm a man, so no, tell her I sacrificed. I wasn't supposed to do this, but I did this as a sacrifice. Now, for the women, don't turn around and say, Must you mention all the sacrifices? Why would you why would you say something like that? The Bible tells us the lashings that Christ received in detail. Yeah, so when your husband is sacrificing for you, and he comes and tells you, Do you know that um I'm very tired, I'm exhausted, but I came home and I cleaned the whole house and I I mopped, I did all of that. That's that I'm recommending him to do that. What should be your response? You hug him, you say, Thank you. What you're doing there is you're encouraging him to do more. Do you understand? So, with your wife, tell her, show her. The last thing I'll add to this, and then we'll pray is this. Remember, you are coming from a different home to her. What is a sacrifice to you may not be a sacrifice to her. For example, her father could have been the type of father that will leave work and pick her up from school at a big age, drop her off to wherever she's going, pick her up again and drop her somewhere else, and then pick her up again and drop for you. That's a sacrifice. Why should I drive all the way to your workplace? I'm in East London, you're in South West East. Why should I drive all the way there to pick you up so we can go home together? Do you understand? So if you're just doing things, she's gonna be like, This is normal life. My dad does this for me. She's coming from a different home, so you must talk. Say this was difficult for me to do. This was a hard thing for me to do. Thank you, sir. God bless you. Let's pray. Let's pray. God bless you. Stand up, let's pray. Thank you for listening to Pastor Max's teachings. Make sure to subscribe and for more information, find us at Faith and Victory Wallace.