The Role of Fathers

In this episode, we explore the biblical role of fathers and the importance of godly leadership within the family. Discover why training is different from guiding, how parents must discern when a child has matured, and why fathers play a vital role in establishing order, discipline, and direction in the home. If you want to grow in leadership, family life, and spiritual maturity, this episode offers practical wisdom and biblical insight for every stage of the journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So I wanted to talk to you a little bit today about um fatherhood. Amen. Um because it's Father's Day today, so happy Father's Day to all the fathers. So to the soon-to-be fathers, to those who are already fathers, this message is for you and for the soon-to-be wives, and for the the women who are already wives, this message can be very useful to you. Amen. If I can get signal when to adjourn my message, if you can signal me. Amen. The first thing I want you to take a note of is that it is the responsibility of the father to raise the children. It is the responsibility of the father to raise the children. Others think, but the mother is at home with the kids, so it's her responsibility to raise the kids. But as I was studying the scripture, I discovered something much different. Amen. Can I ask the disciples at the back to minimize the movement as much as possible, please? Thank you very much. God bless you. So I was saying that I believe it's the responsibility of the um the father to raise the kids, not the mother. Amen. And many would dispute that, but I will show you in the Bible. First, I want you to notice what raising kids means before we can talk about the logistics of that. You raise children until they get to a point where they are mature enough to be guided. So you find that most parents get into conflict with their children because the child has come of age and they are still trying to raise the child. But that person you call a child is now a man. Do you understand that? So the Bible says then the word raise, okay, uh synonymous to the word train. So let's start with Proverb Proverbs chapter 22 verse six. Let's start with that first. You ready? Thank you. God bless you. No? Is it it's on the screen, so I can I can read if if if that's okay. Yeah, I'll read. It says, train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

unknown 3:57

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Can we dissect that for a second? Yes, sir. It says train up a what? Does it say train up a man? So train up a child. So the father and the mother together have to discern when training is done. There should be a plan, a start, starting period of the training, and an ending period of the training. Praise God. If you try to train a man, he will rebel. Look, the Bible says, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. So what it's saying to you is train him until he is of age and trust that the child who is now a man will hold on to those principles. Praise God. Now, this advice was being given to a man by the name of Lemuel. Praise God. Who was the father of his home to train up a child. And in case you didn't know, it's the same with ministry. This is why sometimes as pastors we have such a difficult time helping certain church members because we you've come into the church with the wrong attitude, the wrong principles, the wrong mindset. Now we are trying to train you, not discerning that you've come in as a man. Before training, there needs to be brokenness. That's in the house of God. Someone cannot enter the church and you immediately take them on and start training them. It doesn't work like that. They will rebel against you. The person comes in, you allow God to break them into a child. Then the training begins. And now when he comes of age spiritually, when there's turmoil, when there's trouble, when there's tough times, he will stick to what you taught him.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

That's it. That's it. That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:41

So what's interesting is God gives so much responsibility to fathers, he gives us the future of the children. Now, where the mother comes in is how to train. Do you understand? Fathers train and raise, but the logistics, the uh rolling out of this project is where the mother comes in and works hand in hand with the father to train up the child. Now, this is very important because some of you, I know of individuals, maybe not here, but I know of individuals who just do not like taking instruction. When you give them instruction, it's as if you're squeezing them. It's as if you are suffocating them. Amen. You tell them this is what the Lord wants of you, and it's as if you've you know taking advantage of them. If you look at that person's upbringing, it's likely that they had a terrible relationship with their father.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Wow, yeah, wow, yeah, wow, close up.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Fathers are responsible for getting you used to order.

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Come on, come on now, it's our role.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

When we come in, we get you accustomed to order. You understand? Yes, sir. And being able to take instructions, yeah. That's why if you're a wife, stop trying to turn your husband into you. You're way too quiet and appreciate his ministry because he will see things differently. Amen. He will see the children differently from you, he will relate to the children differently from you, and what he has in his spirit, the children need that. They need that. Amen. They need that. Some of the worst gang members in all these different eras have never been slapped by their dad. Their dad wasn't there. If the dad was there, if the father was there and taught them order. We wouldn't have such outlaws. Praise God. Fathers are so pivotal, they even prepare the daughters for their husbands.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

So when your daddy's not there, no wonder you can raise your voice at your husband. Talk to him anyhow. Yeah, you can talk to him anyhow. Because your dad wasn't there. Think about it. You were raised in a house where it's just mom. Mom is relating to you as a woman, as a sister sometimes. As a girlfriend sometimes. Because you tell her things, you guys talk, right? Right? Okay. And then you meet your husband, no one's trained you to talk to a man. So you start talking to him as if he's another woman. And as a fellow man, I can speak for some of the men here. The worst thing you can do is talk to me like I'm a woman. You're too quiet. The worst thing you can do is talk to me like I'm a woman. With a woman, you can, you know, with your your lady friend, you can maybe raise your voice. She won't take it away. Even amongst us men, when we speak to each other, when our friends raise the voice, you know what comes after that? It's who are you talking to? You think you were discussing this with that you can raise your voice to such a height? Praise God. So it's your father that when you're a child, you're coming up, you're still a child, right? In the house. And one day you're having a bad day. You come in the house, you say something okay. Your dad will call you come back. And your father, not your friend. Never rage a voice at me again. You know what he's doing? He's training you. He's training you for your husband, sister. Train your daughters on how to relate to men and train your sons and your on how to relate to authority. Praise God. This is important because we're gonna have many fathers coming out of this ministry. One of your greatest responsibilities is to be a present father. In my place of prayer, when I was talking to the Lord, he said, talk to them about you know valuing themselves enough as men to not leave a seed somewhere and escape off. We see this so much with young men. You were ready to enjoy the benefits of being a father whilst making the baby, but when the baby has arrived, you you no longer want to stay. And I know why you don't want to stay, because you realize that fatherhood is sacrifice. You sacrifice energy, you sacrifice your emotional intelligence. You sacrifice money. But by the grace of God, it gets easier. So as I'm talking now, you should be cherishing your dad if he was in your life. Amen. So we have many individuals in the church who have never had that relationship with their father, they despise their father. Let me add something on there, alright? Irrespective of what your father has done to you, the Bible says that you owe him for life. And you have to pay him back. And the most interesting part of that statement is that you can never actually finish paying him back until he goes. Some are ashamed of their dad. You've become somebody today and you're ashamed of him. You're a lawyer today. You're a doctor today. You're a music artist today, and you're ashamed of your father. You talk of your father anyhow, you air out his mistakes. The Bible says in the book of Ephesians, it says, Honor thy father and thy mother. Because that's what that's the first promise. And then it says, so that it may be well worked. So I found that when I was counseling young people and praying for them for God to prosper them. You get a job here, it doesn't work out. You make a mistake, you move here, nothing sticks here. You go over there, there's a problem there. What you don't know is that this type of pattern is usually associated with broken relationship with your parents. You cannot go far no matter how anointed you are, if you don't have a good relationship with your parents, especially your father. No matter what he has done. Because fathers are life givers, they give direction and they give life.

SPEAKER_02 18:08

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

I thank God I developed this wisdom at 17. Okay, and I became very invested in the kind of friends I had around me. So if I had a friend and I noticed that he didn't have a good relationship with his father, yeah, I would pull away. Can I tell you why? Can I tell you why? Because the Bible says it will not be well with him. Yeah, why would I want to be a friend of a person which things are not going well with him? By virtue of his own fault. But Pastor, my dad hurt me. And mom said, When I touch this area, many people despise me. You made a decision, you made a decision to not talk to your dad because your mother said preachers.

SPEAKER_02 19:17

Shocking.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Don't fall into that. Don't fall into that. Listen, the authority of a mother stops somewhere. Mothers won't like it when I say this. Women won't like it when I say this. But it is the truth. Especially if those mothers and those women came up in good homes, they will tell you our authority stops somewhere. And your father's one begins where us stops. If your dad speaks over you and your mother speaks over you, what your dad said will take place. I'm telling you. You can say, Pastor, my dad is not even spiritual. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. He's still your father. I've had people come to me and say, Pastor, um, I would um this is the problem I'm going through. I'm experiencing this. And I said to them, There's no need for me to pray for you. Go and fix it with your dad. They can't do it. They can't let go. Can I show you some things in the Bible? Are you sure?

SPEAKER_03 20:55

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

All right. Follow me to um Deuteronomy chapter six, verse six. And read verse seven as well.

SPEAKER_01 21:29

These words which I come to them shall be in your heart. Verse seven. You shall teach their dear to your children. And shall talk with them when you sit in your house. When you walk by the window, when you lie down, and when you write up.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Read seven one more time, please.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

This one chapter six, verse seven says, You shall teach their dear to your children. And shall talk with them when you sit in your house. But more of you.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Praise God. Now, my version says, These commandments that I give you today are to be in your hearts. Impress them on your children. Impress them on your children. Impress them on your children. Impress them on your children. Now, in case you didn't know what was going on here, Moses was about to depart. He was coming to the end of his ministry. And he was giving instructions to all the heads of the families. So he was talking to Israel. And he said, All the things that I've given to you, all the commandments, teach your children. Now, in the NKJV, it says, if you go back to the previous verse for me, please. It says, These words which I command you today shall be in your heart. Okay? You shall teach them diligently to your children. Teach them diligently to your children. Now, my my Bible uses the word impress, which means to forcefully impress is to forcefully stamp or mark something on a person or on material. So impress these commandments on your children. So why am I bringing this up? It's because you have to understand the ministry of a father. It's easy for us to be despised. Because impressing instructions on a person can hurt. So we are in a very peculiar position. Whilst the mother is in a safe position, can I tell you the safe position? She comforts, she nurtures. So it's easy for you to love your mother. It takes intentionality to love your father. Because your father will take this position. And it's a position of direction, judgment, no nonsense. Yeah, because his role is to impress upon you. Now God didn't say impress everything on the child, he said impress these commandments. So what does that mean? You may come into the house with a different opinion as a child. He said, Daddy, I don't believe Jesus is God. Mommy will say, it's okay. It's okay. The child is learning to express himself. Daddy will say, not in my house. Stand up for a second. Just stand up for a second.

SPEAKER_03 25:43

Say, I will not change my husband into my wife.

SPEAKER_00 25:49

Did you hear what I said that?

SPEAKER_03 25:51

I will not change my husband into my wife.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

No, I won't do it. Sit down. Your responsibility is to understand his ministry, and a good woman supports dad in his decisions. You support dad in his decisions. Dad is putting his foot down about something regarding the Bible and the way the child should go or the way the child should live. You don't undermine him, you support him.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Praise the Lord. Diligently teach, impress upon. And look, look how specific God is. He says, You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house. When you walk by, when you walk by, you should be talking about it. When you sit in your house, you should talk about it. When you lie down, you talk about it. When you rise up, you talk about it. So your children are hearing from Daddy. In this house, nobody smokes. In this house, there's a prayer meeting in the morning. In this house, we do not dress indecently. Every day, every minute of the day, Daddy is talking.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

And you know what? Children will go out and see how other families are doing it. Bring that idea home. And how the house breaks down is when child is able to influence mom. Do you know how many families are slit like that?

unknown 27:51

Shocking.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Should I talk about prosperity instead? Amen. There's a time to nurture. Yes. This is when the ministry of a mother comes in. And we'll talk about that on Mother's Day. Amen. It's a beautiful ministry. But if you want your arrow to hit the intended target, put a premium on what the father says. He is the father for a reason. Our roles are not easy. We have to discern now, alright? With our biological kids, we can discern, okay, he's 18, 19, 20. It's time to start raising, uh, stop raising him and guide him. But in the ministry, you really need to discern. When your children are turning into sons and men, you have to discern. Praise God. Your father can be the key to your prosperity and your long life. Those are the two things attached to honoring your parents. Doesn't matter your age. Praise God. So it says, go back for me to uh the previous. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. So first, as a father, these things in which I'm teaching you today, you should be meditating on them. Some of you are knocking on the door of fatherhood already. So this should be inside of you. Do you understand? A father and a dad are two different things. Write that down. There are many dads. This is why I spoke about with these young boys that impregnate, they get pregnant, these young ladies, alright? And they can't hold up the end of things. That's a dad. You become a father when you start meditating on these things.

SPEAKER_02 30:33

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

A father meditates on these things. Let me let me tell you something else.

unknown 30:45

No, sir.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

How many of you have bought a new item before into your house? And it was boxed. Yeah, you bought a new item. Now that item, have you ever bought a new item into your house which you didn't know how to work? Raise your hand. Yeah? Okay. Now, when you opened it, what was the thing you did immediately since you don't know how it works?

SPEAKER_03 31:09

You checked the exactly.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

How is it that you're born into this world? You don't know why you're here. You just discovered how you got here, but you haven't looked at the manual for life. This is the manual for life.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

This come on now.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

There's not one problem in your life that the Bible cannot solve. It's in there. Pastor, I have a problem with my kids, it's in there. Pastor, my career is not moving forward. It's in there. The thing is, when you're approaching the scripture, you're looking for something specific. That's not how you approach the scripture. I've seen people read in the manual, you read the manual, and uh you only read the part that you need in that moment. So I want to know how to turn on this thing. So that's the part you're looking for. How do I turn it on? How about you sit down and read the whole thing?

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Praise God. And when I meet these people that I'm pastoring, I can tell who's read the manual or not.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Because even by the way you dress, you are a father.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

What business do you have your trousers being all the way down here? You are a father. You're standing up and we are praying that you don't drop anything. Praise God. Amen. I know of a guy, and I hope you don't, you know, thank you very much. I hope you don't bump into this guy for your own sake. Amen. I know of a guy who nothing he does matters. That's a terrible thing. Can you can you imagine that nothing he does matters? I'll explain. You know there are some things you do in life where you get serious rewards for him for himself. Nothing he does bears fruit for him at all. God told me, this is not the kind of person you counsel, stay away from him. Nothing he does matters. You know what his problem was? Just before he left and came here, he got into a massive dispute with his father. He hurt his father's feelings. Instead of understanding that in this life it's not about being right, it's about peace. So he left, came to London. Since he's come here, he keeps moving house because things are expensive. He doesn't know that his his his economy is affected by his relationship with his father. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 36:05

So everyone who is distressed. Everyone who is dead. Everyone who is it. So he hit that. And there were about 400 men.

SPEAKER_00 36:29

Praise the Lord. You know, so I was praying, yeah, a couple of days ago. I was praying and meditating, praying, and this was actually in my car. I was praying and meditating. So as I'm praying and meditating, the Lord says to me, Um, I want you to look at something. And he gives me this scripture here. Yeah? And as he gives me this scripture, the Lord starts teaching me something. He says, This is the experience of most fathers. And since you are going to have a lot of new fathers in the ministry, I want you to teach them this. Teach them this scripture and also the ones going into ministry. Now, with that in mind, I want you to read again. 1 Samuel chapter 22 from verse 1. Let me read. David therefore departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adulan. So when his brothers and all his father's house heard it, they went down there to him. And everyone who was in distress, everyone who was in there, everyone who was discontented gathered to him. So he became captain over them. And there were about 400 men with him. God said to me, When you start ministry, I will never send you successful people. When we started this ministry, these were the descriptions of the people that came to the church. People came to church in debt. Discontented. Distress. That was the nature. God said to me, I will never send you a finished product. I won't. You have to do the work. I will send it to you in seed form. You have to raise them. So I would you that is about to become a father, your house will look like this in the beginning. After your wife gives birth, she's in distress. You're too quiet. That child, guess what? Will also be in distress. And in case you didn't know, no one teaches the baby to cry. That's something they have automatically. They just cry. So the baby is in distress. Your wife is in distress. You have a second child, that child is also in distress. Your role as a father is to become captain over them. You become captain over them. It doesn't stop there. You become captain, and then you lead them. So just imagine God sent you to me. When we started, you got here and you're telling me your problems, and I join you in lamenting. You didn't come to me for that. They went to David because they saw something on him. So there's something on this young man. The Bible says his brothers, those who lived in his father's house. Amen. They went to him, and the Bible doesn't say they asked him to be the captain. He became captain over the world. Fathers, fight for your position in your house. Fight for your position in your house. If you don't, your wife will assume it in distress. And the whole house is now a house of distress. As a father, you don't have the luxury to be distressed. The counselors out there that will tell you they've been counseling for 40 years, okay, they will tell you it's okay to be distressed. It's fine. It is not okay. People are relying on you. Praise God. This is why it's important for you to honor the fathers.

SPEAKER_02 41:45

Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 41:48

When you bring your problems to me, I don't get distressed over your problems. No matter how bad they are, I take them and I bring them to the Lord. I can't join you. If I join you, someone else will have to pray for me now. Amen. I can't join you. So when you bring me serious cases, I take it to the Lord. I made myself captain over you. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 42:13

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

I made myself captain. I fought for my position. Am I helping you? Yes, yes, sir.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

So thank you very much. As a father, look, uh go go go back go back to verse one, please. Let's let's touch this. It says David therefore departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adalam. Who knows why David escaped? David ran away because he was in a war. The kingdom split in half. He was in a war of soul. But the Bible doesn't tell us he was distressed. You understand that? Don't be the father that comes through the door. All the kids are running. One child even ran into the wrong room. It's daddy's home. Don't be that father. Amen. Be the father that comes home and you're bearing solutions. So everyone can come to you and you will fix the problem. Amen. Yeah. You can fix the problem. And at that, if you carry that attitude, you find that your house will grow stronger and stronger. Based on how David was behaving, the Bible says that the house of David grew stronger. And stronger, and the house of soul grew weaker and weaker. So you find that your house is growing stronger and stronger. This is a pivotal teaching. It's not one of those ones where you shout and scream. It's one of those ones where you learn. I said, don't shout and scream, you shout it and scream. Amen. He said he escaped to the cave of Adelaide. So when his brothers and all his father's house heard it, so they heard that our solution giver has run off to Adula. Yeah, they heard it. They went down there to him. And everyone who was in distress. Next. And everyone who was in debt. Captain over distressed and debted people. Praise God. Now when you read later on, you know what I discovered? The Bible starts naming them and says these were the men that became mighty. The Bible says they became mighty men of man. Because David raised them. David was tough with them. He was tough with them. Sit down for a second. This is what I will attract. Don't get offended when I'm tough with you. Listen, don't get offended when I'm tough with you. Because you are still being raised. You're still being raised. If I am tough with you and you challenge me, it's proof to me that you're not broken yet. Praise God. You're not ready. When I say broken, what I'm saying is you're not ready to be led. You have to lead yourself. Some people are full of challenges. I say A, you say A. I say A, you say something. You always respond in. Alright? So if you know best, then don't bring your problems. Keep them to yourself. I have enough of them to deal with. But one thing I can tell you is that those who are listening, their lives are changing.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

Their lives are changing.

SPEAKER_00 47:10

Sit down for a second. Sit down. Praise God. The ones who are listening, their lives are moving forward, changing. You are as successful as your level of obedience. You are as successful as every everybody here wants to be successful. That's right. But not everyone wants to walk the path of success. So, Pastor, does that mean I have to listen to everything that you have to say? You don't have to do anything. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to pray, you don't have to sew, you don't have to dress up, you don't have to go to school, you don't have to read. You don't even have to shower, you don't have to do anything.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

Yeah, just exist. Just exist.

SPEAKER_00 48:16

It's your choice. Praise God. The Bible says, be happy when God chastises you. Because He loves you. If the Lord doesn't chastise you, you're in trouble. So if I call you and I'm on you, and my tone is different. Some of you that follow me on social media, you saw me, I put up a post of a particular pastor.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Right?

SPEAKER_00 48:58

A very well, very well known pastor. Some saw it, some didn't. And as one of his uh members, female members, she said when she failed her exam, her pastor whipped her. He took, he made a cane and he whipped her physically. She couldn't believe it. She said, when he was making it, she thought he was joking until he used it. And she was afraid. And he said, I did this because I believe in you. The next time she did her exam, she passed flying colours. Praise God. And you find many, many, this is not just for men, this is also for ladies. They church hop for this reason.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 50:07

Yeah, they church hop for this reason. Oh, I went to that church and nothing changed in my life. No, you you are the problem. You are the problem. You went to the church and nothing changed? How do you go in an environment where there are testimonies? Other people are, their lives are moving forward. Only you because you don't have the prosperity of the members is not a reflection of how good the pastor is. The prosperity of the members is a reflection of how obedient the members are. So it's your responsibility. You have a responsibility. Learn to listen. Amen. Learn to listen. So you are your own phone. If you learn to honor fathers, okay, learn to when I I may say something that makes you uncomfortable, you're you're like, I I don't I don't really want to do this. That's why I'm your father. The day we agree, I become your friend. Yeah, do you understand? We we are now friends. You could call me, sir. I booked my travel, I want to travel, and I say, don't go.

SPEAKER_02 51:46

Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 51:50

Some have done that, they went anyway, came back with bad news. I told you, don't go. You went, no problem. But sir, I paid already. I paid. Praise God. I'll tell you a quick secret, then we'll I'll hand it over to the woman of God. I prayed, yeah. I said, God, send me uh people. I didn't specify whether you should be young or not. I said send me people who I can raise. Not established people who will come into the ministry because established people will give you problems. They will start pastoring you with their own experiences. I went to an event and one young, well, she's not young, middle-aged woman, was saying to me, you know, as pastors, you guys should go and get degrees for counseling and stuff like that, so that you can um you can better counsel people. So I thought, I thought, I thought I I understand where she's coming from, but that's because she's not trained in the past in pastoring. We are not to implement carnal methods when dealing with members. So for for example, um when I was 18, yeah, was the first time I started counseling. My spiritual father allowed me to counsel. It was a it was a it was a case of depression. I sat in front of this young lady and he said, uh he left, he allowed me to counsel. And I had already been reading about how to deal with stress, depression from more carnal perspective. This was when I was 18. So I said to this young lady, what's wrong? She tells me. And I said, Okay, I asked her, have you tried breathing exercises? And she said, No. I said, try it now. I said, close your eyes, breathe in, and now she was doing it, you know. And then I said, Okay, now I want you to think of somewhere peaceful. I said, think of somewhere peaceful. She closes her eyes and she's thinking of somewhere peaceful, and she starts smiling. I thought, this is working, this is nice. Then she starts doing this with her eyes closed.

SPEAKER_03 54:26

She's peaceful.

SPEAKER_00 54:28

So I noticed that she's moving left and right, but I didn't hear any music. So I was observing for a minute, and I said, Sister, I said, Sister, where are you? Where did you go? She said, I had a girl's trip a couple months ago. I was in Abiza with my girls, so that's where I went. I said, Praise God, the session's over. Praise God, session is over. Amen. I had to go back to my spiritual father. I told him what happened, and he said, You can't implement carnal methods when you're dealing with spiritual issues. He said, if you don't have anything to say, keep quiet and let God lead.

SPEAKER_02 55:34

Praise God for a Lord.

SPEAKER_00 55:36

You see the essence of fatherhood.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 55:39

So I lift your hands and bless the Lord. Thank you for listening to Pastor Max's teachings. Make sure to subscribe and for more information, find us at Faith and VictoryWallet.