#1 Be a Noticer

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Well, welcome to the very first official episode of the mental refuge podcast. I've got to tell you this thing has been years in the making. I'm so excited to actually be doing this thing after a lot of encouragement from some very special people in my life. It's like, I knew that my story should be shared, but I've always been too nervous or too vulnerable to share with others. And I've hidden a lot of things from a lot of people. So a very quick thing about me, if you've listened to the introduction of episode, You know that I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type one. I've also been diagnosed with catastrophic anxiety and PTSD. I have been through the ringer. And I have been through a lot of deep and dark times in my life. Uh, mentioned before that I currently work as a peer support specialist. And that basically means that, Hey, you have a mental illness and I have a mental illness. Let's chat. I help work on people's goals. And it's a lot of fun because I get to share my story with them. And I get to help them feel a little bit less alone, something that I never thought would happen. I get to share my story and help people. And that is my goal with this podcast as well. I never want you to feel like you're alone. I want you to feel noticed. It's worth noting that I have not been healed of bipolar disorder. It is a lifelong thing that I will always have, but I strongly believe that Jesus therapy and medication can all work together. To help us become better and actually live life. And even if it seems far off, we can be happy and we can thrive in life. So on this very first episode, I'm wanting to talk about noticing people. How sometimes or allowed the times we can be in distressed, we can be going through depression and no one notices us. And that can be very triggering for us not to have anyone noticed. And I'm going to bet that you feel the exact same way. Whether you don't feel noticed that you're drowning around the house and you haven't showered in three days. And you feel like, or you all are actually doing everything yourself and no, one's asking if you need help. You probably want to scream. I am drowning. I'm drowning in the housework. I am drowning in debt. I am drowning and fixing the kids' lunches and getting them dressed in the mornings. I'm drowning at being a godly wife. I am drowning in my depression and I just want someone to notice me. Is that you. So say I'm going to share the good Samaritan story from Luke chapter 10. And my sound familiar to you, but if not, we're going to recap it. I always have to be recapped on like everything, because I forget so many things. So we're going to run over it and then we're going to apply it to our lives. Okay. Okay, we're going to read from Luke chapter 10. We are going to start in verse 27. He answered. Love the Lord, your God, with all of your heart and with all of your soul and all of your strength and with all of your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself. You've answered correctly. Jesus replied do this and you will live. But he wants to justify himself. So he asked Jesus and who was my neighbor? In reply. Jesus said. Emma was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road. And when he saw the man he passed by on the other side, So to Levi when he came to the place and saw him passed by on the other side. But I Samaritan as he traveled, came where the man was and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and he bandaged his wounds pouring on oil and wine. And he put the man on his own donkey. Brought him to an N and he took care of him. The next day, he took out two denari and gave them to the innkeeper. Look after him, he said, and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense. You may have. Which of these three, do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers? The expert in the law replied the one who had mercy on him. Jesus told him go and do likewise. So to recap. A man was beaten on the street, left half dead. The Bible says, and a priest walked past him, did nothing to help. A Levi walked past him, did nothing to help. The good Samaritan is the one who noticed him and who helped him a stranger. How many times do we just want someone to notice us, especially when it comes to our mental health. I have bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed in January of 2017. After a few years of symptoms. So I completely understand how it feels when someone doesn't notice that I am in distress and I'm betting that you probably know that feeling too. That feeling like, I just want someone to look at me. I want someone to look into my soul and just see me. I want them to see the pain that I'm going through and help me. I love that my husband can take one, look into my eyes and he can automatically know if I'm severely depressed or if I'm going to begin a manic or hypomanic episode. I wish everyone noticed like he does, or maybe not everyone, but more than just him. I wish that people at work would notice more and they could see that maybe I don't need as many responsibilities for that day or maybe even the whole week, because even though I'm quote unquote stable, I still do. And I will always have depressive episodes that come with my bipolar disorder. There will forever be times where I can be at work. And I depressive episode hits and I just sit there and I closed my door and I cry my eyes out. This has happened for years and years and years. And I do the same thing at home too. I can sometimes make me feel more down when I'm in a depressive episode and no one notices. Maybe this is you. Maybe you're at work and none of your coworkers pick up on the fact that you're really depressed. Maybe they haven't noticed that you haven't washed your hair in a few days. Or that you seemed really sad one day and the very next day you caught out sick and they didn't pick up on that. I bet you, they did notice that maybe your work wasn't done completely or is accurately. And I'm sure that'll be brought up in a performance review, maybe. Or maybe you're around your mom, who you consider one of your best friends, but she doesn't notice, or maybe she does. Maybe she says things like, are you okay? He seemed down the other day when I talked to you. And you're honest, you tell her I'm actually really depressed right now. I've got a lot going on. And she might say something like, well, what do you have to be depressed about? We've all heard that, right. What have you got to be depressed about? You've got a great husband. You've got kids who love you a great job. You've got a lot going on for you and you just sink into yourself. Like, you know, these, like I know that I have all these great things around me. And so you think. One, what is wrong with me? Maybe. She's right. Why am I so depressed? Or too, I feel so depressed that I want to hurt myself. And I was honest with this person and I said, I was depressed and in a bad place. And they brushed it under the rug. I guess it doesn't matter anymore. I guess it doesn't matter to open up. And I guess I don't matter. There's the thoughts that go through my head when someone doesn't notice that I'm in mental pain. I guess I don't matter. And I get it. I am a masker. It's like I put on a mask of a happier self when I'm at work or at church or at my kid's school. I smile. I make jokes. I laughed really loud, but deep down at times, I am really hurting. It feels like I'm weighed down by chains and I'm about to fall over. If you have depression or bipolar disorder, then you may know what this feels like. It's like you're trying to hide from your true self a whole day long. And by the time you get home, you're surrounded by the people who really love you and who really get you. And you burst into tears. And you're exhausted and all you want to do is sleep. Either sleep for a few hours or for a few days, or even for all of eternity, you just want to get away from it all. And you probably think to yourself, why didn't anyone notice me? Can anyone see that I'm in pain? I have always been a noticer I notice other people, or at least I really try to now I won't lie. When I'm in a depressive episode, it is so much easier for me to focus on myself rather than others. It's like, I can barely take care of others or even notice them. So for me, that means that I'll have my kids heat up a frozen meal for dinner or eat a ready-made Lunchable, or my husband will fix their dinner. I'm not going to go all out and fix a grand oatmeal just because I don't have the energy to do it. And I honestly don't even have the desire to. If I can barely get up and take a shower for myself, then how am I going to care for somebody else? They're still getting fed. So don't come at me because I'm certain, there are so many other moms out there like me. So when it comes to others, say a stranger. I mean I'm in a depressive episode. I don't compliment them like I normally would. And that's actually one of the telltale signs that I am in a depressive episode. Or if I'm stable. If I'm stable or I'm happy, then I will compliment a stranger. I will tell the target checkout girl, I love your nails. Or I'll tell a stranger passing by me in the grocery store. I love your outfit. Or that is such a good color on you. I noticed people and I compliment them and it has nothing to do with me or getting attention or any sort of applause for it. I compliment others because I want them to know that I see them and I acknowledge their presence. Okay story time. So when I was in the fifth grade, I got into an argument with my mom and I honestly have no idea what it was about. But I went into our bathroom and I was filled with rage and I had to get that rage out somehow. So do you want to know what I did? I grabbed a razor and I dragged across my face and I shaved off one of my eyebrows. It was my left eyebrow, like looking back, it's really funny. But also really awkward for a fifth grader, but at the time I vividly remember being so pent up with energy and rage that it had to get my frustrations out somehow. So when I went to school the next day, and one girl noticed me, none of my other classmates, or my teacher mentioned it. Maybe they did notice and they just didn't want to say anything. I don't know. And that's one of those things where no, maybe I wouldn't necessarily want another fifth grader to notice my one missing eyebrow, because it's really embarrassing. Right. Like I said, I was definitely embarrassed, even though I'm the one who did it. But looking back, I think why didn't anyone else notice why didn't my teacher asked me or call my mom and say, Hey, what's up with your daughter's missing eyebrow. I always felt invisible. Especially for my entire elementary and middle school years. And I was just one example of how I felt invisible. No one noticed me. So I urge you to be the, noticer be the good Samaritan who stopped to help the man who was beaten. How can you practically do this in your life? How can you notice someone compliment them? Now, if you're not a chit-chatty person, then maybe you wouldn't feel comfortable. Uh, passing a stranger at Walmart or Publix and complimenting their outfit. But if you're at the checkout and you're already speaking to someone saying, Hey, how's your day good. How's yours. The usual thing, go ahead and compliment them on something. Be the girl who says, I really like your nails. Where did you get them done? If it's a busy holiday season, ask. Do you get to go home soon? Is your shift almost over or is it just starting? Now, don't say these things, just to say them don't ever say a compliment that you don't mean. But take the time to notice someone. I still remember to this day, when I was working back in the day, I worked at a cosmetics counter. At our local department store. And this customer came in and she said, you have got the biggest, most beautiful smile. You have brightened my day, just by running into you. That was over 15 years ago. And I still think about it that stranger noticed me. She noticed my smile and she said that my smile made her day. You can also do this. If you're at an event, say a party or a work event, a holiday Christmas party. If you're at a Bible study or even Sunday school, wherever you are, if you see a woman who is standing off to the side, Or sitting off to the side. Maybe she's clutching onto her drink and he can visibly see her shift her eyes around the room. You can see where she keeps taking sips of her drink because she just has to do something with her hands. Go talk to her. And it might hurt to sit next to you. If you're at church and you see someone sitting by herself. Maybe go up and ask if anyone's sitting there and offer to sit next to her. I remember this story from Lisa TerKeurst a long time ago, probably going to get the details mixed up. So don't come after me. But I believe that she was at some sort of conference and she didn't really know anyone. So she sat at an empty table. And wait it for some other women to join her, but no one ever did. It seemed like everyone else knew each other and they sat together, which is natural. But she ended up sitting all alone for the entire day of the conference. And she made a vow to herself to never let another woman's. Did I learn. She said that she will always seek out the woman who looks alone and invite her to join at her table. There will always be room at her table. And I believe we should have that same viewpoint as well. Now. I am well aware that there are introverted people out there, myself included at times. I am and I can be very introverted. Where I don't even want to be bothered sometimes I don't even want to talk to anyone. And I just want to bolt out of there. So I seclude myself on purpose and that's fine too. If you're standing off to the side, maybe you don't want to be bothered. Maybe he do. I don't know. Only, you know, that. And I would never, ever want to force someone to have an interaction with another person if they don't truly want to. So don't take these suggestions is the gospel truth. But I do think that we can all contribute to making others feel welcome. Even as simple. Hey, how's your day going? Wait, and really listen to the person's answer. I remember walking past someone one time. And this guy asked me, Hey, how you doing? And our respondent with I'm all right. But, and he immediately said, well, that's good. See you later. This guy didn't even bother to listen to what I was saying and completely interrupted me. With well, that's good. When I was literally saying I'm all right, but it was obvious that he didn't really care about how I was doing. He was just asking because it's probably habit of his, and that's the natural thing to do. When you walk past someone say, Hey, how are you doing? Good. Okay. Talk to you later. So my challenge for you this week is to go out and be the good Samaritan. Go out and notice someone ask them how they're doing and don't do it because I asked you to, or to get attention for yourself. Talk to them because you want to notice them. And also, if you notice a coworker who seems down and they, she calls out sick the next day. Notice her. If you see a coworker just stare at her lunch and not eat for two days. No just her. If your friend hasn't answered your text or phone calls in a week, and that is super unnatural of her. Notice her. Reach out. If it looks like your coworker or someone at church has been crying, ask them if they're okay and be willing to sit there and listen to a full on story. Don't just rush off like that man and say, well, Things will get better. Keep your chin up, got to go by. Listen to her. If you're going to ask, Hey, how are you? Take the time to actually listen. And one more thought, did you notice what the good Samaritan did? He bandaged up the man's wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Put the man on his donkey took him to an end and he took care of him. Then he gave the innkeeper some money and said that he would return and reimburse the Inn keeper for any expenses. So what does that look like for us? When you see someone in distress and you've noticed her and you've talked to her. Have the knowledge ready to find her some help. If she comes to you. If you've noticed her and you've gone to her and she replies and she's honest, and she says I'm really depressed. Maybe she says, I want to end my life. Or I don't want to be a mom anymore. I just want to run away and you've noticed her. Even if you have to put a note in your cellphone, leave yourself a note on the notes app. I have it. Have a list of therapists that you love or that you've heard. Great things about have a list and put it on there. Have a contact for the local AA meeting, where they meet their phone number, who the leader is. Be ready, have the knowledge to support that person that you want to support. Match them up with another friend. Who might be going through something similar, even if you don't struggle with depression or whatever. She may be going through you probably know someone who does so take care of her. Be the type of friend that you would want to have be the type of support person that you would want to have go be that girl. I want to have a dedicated prayer time somewhere in each podcast episode. And right now it feels like the best spot. Lord, I thank you for this day. I pray that this message reaches so many women out there. I pray that we can all take the time to really notice each other. And I pray that when we do notice others, that we can find practical ways to help them as well. I pray that we all have the knowledge and resources to pass along. Support these women just as you support us. God, thank you for the noticers of this world. Am I thank you for noticing us as well. You pay so much attention to us that you know, every strand of hair on our head. May we also be noticed hers and help those who are distressed. Amen. To wrap things up while I've got you on here. I've been wanting to talk to you about my newest mental health project. I've been working on the rescued and restored workbook. This they 65 page downloadable mental health workbook that is filled with worksheets prompts and scriptures to read in times of depression and anxiety. This is not your momma's old fashioned journal. This is a workbook filled with worksheets that you can use to dig deeper into learning more about yourself. You can also bring these sheets with use your therapist or to a doctor so they can understand your stressors or your triggers better that they can better treat you. It's also filled with anxiety, trackers, mood, trackers, sleep trackers. It is jam packed with stuff. And I don't want you to miss out on it. Simply head on over to the mental refuge.com and you can find the rescued and restored workbook under the shop tab. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. If you will, please leave a review of this podcast. And if you're watching on YouTube, go ahead and leave a comment and let me know what you liked and how you are going to notice someone. It really helps spread the word about others and believe it or not. It actually makes it visible to others. When you review a podcast. I'll talk to you guys next week. Bye.