#2 STAY

What would happen if you weren't here on this Earth? Or rather, what would you have missed out on? Join me as I share the epiphany I had while in my shower, and hear all of the things I would have missed out on if I hadn't have stayed. #mentalhealth #christianmentalhealth 

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Hey there, welcome to the Mental Refuge podcast. Here we talk all things mental health and Christianity. I am your host, Angela McDonald. I run my website, The Mental Refuge, where I talk about my own personal struggles, mental illness, while also being a Christian and a mom of two. And I help others by giving tips and tricks on what has helped me. To be clear, this is my story. I personally live with bipolar disorder and live with anxiety, so I know what it's like to go through the trenches of life and to feel alone. My goal is to bring you weekly tips and education on how to thrive with your mental health while giving you real examples from my own life and also provide you with a much needed dose of Jesus. I hope you stick around and stay a while. Welcome guys to episode two of the mental refuge podcast. I hope you've been having an amazing day so far, whether you are listening on the way to work or right before you go to bed. If you didn't know, just a quick note, these podcasts episodes are also being uploaded on YouTube. So if you're a visual person. And you would like to listen while you look at my face, then feel free to head on over to YouTube, but to take a listen. I'm so excited to share with you today about something that just hit me in the face. And as soon as I realized it, I just knew that I was meant to share it. I have to tell you guys about any pithany that I had while I was in the shower. I am my storyteller to myself. So I replay scenarios in my head for better or for worse. And sometimes I replay that scenario out loud while I'm in the shower. I'm really hoping I'm not the only person who does that. So I was in the shower the other week and I was replaying the story in my head about the time that my husband had a stroke. And as I replayed this in my head, I thought, oh, what a great reminder of what God does for us and what the power of staying can do for us. And you probably know what I mean when I say staying here. You'll see just how great this ties into our mental health and just a little bit. Now context for this. My husband had a stroke in December of 2022 when he was 44 years old. If you don't know that is young, like super young to have a stroke. It happens, but it's not common. So when he was first presenting symptoms, he didn't know what was going on. And he went to the ed. And the doctor told him that he was having a panic attack and he sent him home with some anxiety meds. Not the best day. So he went home per doctor's orders. The next day, my husband stayed home from work and he slept the entire day because he was super tired and he just thought he was rundown and getting sick, you know? So the day went by. And when I got off of work, he seemed pretty out of it. And it was quite apparent that something big was happening because his speech didn't sound quite right. He was talking in a much slower pace and his walk just looked kind of funny to me. He was actually starting to drag his left leg when he walked. So I took him back to the ed. We walked in and he pretty much immediately got a CT scan done. That was at five o'clock at night. Fast-forward a few hours and we've been there for a while. It had been a long wait, but there were some major stuff going on at the same time. The wedding green was slammed with people. There are people who are in a big multi-car accident, and one girl was screaming and had a neck brace on and they had to sedate her. The other guy broke his leg and he was cussing everyone out. And this is all in the waiting room. So they were slammed and I get why we had to wait. That is a big part of this story. The wait. The next part. Is he pithany that I had just a few weeks ago. At around 11 o'clock that night, my husband still hadn't been called back to a bed yet, since it was so chaotic in the emergency department. We were still in the waiting room and at 11 o'clock, my husband goes to the counter to the front desk in the waiting room and he says, I just want to go home. I'll come back in the morning. Maybe it'll be less busy, but I just want to go home and go to sleep. Now, I don't know if it's like this and every hospital in the United States. I do know that we have a certain amount of medical freedom. And since he was still in the waiting room and not in an ed bed, he could have freely walked out. And for context, the place was so slammed that night, that probably three to five other patients were also asking to leave. And then we're completely allowed. So. My husband was tired of waiting. He had been there for six hours and so he joined in and he asked to leave. So after he asked a nurse, came out a few minutes later and he said, sir, I cannot make you stay here. You have the Liberty to go home. But please, please don't go home and go to sleep. I'm urging you to stay here. I be in the good wife that I am brought up. The fact that he had his CT scan done at five o'clock and it was now 11 o'clock. It was six hours later. Did they have a report for us and update anything? The nurse said, I have seen the report and I'm not at Liberty to say what the CT scan shows, but I'm urging you to stay. Please. Don't go home. I can't force you, but please don't go home. Fast forward another two hours around 1:00 AM. And he finally gets the bed and he speaks to a doctor where she told him he had indeed had a stroke. This had me thinking about how this ties into our own lives, into our own mental health. And my life I've wanted to in my life over and over and over again, I can't even begin to count how many times. And when I was replaying this story in my head on a random Monday night when I was in the shower. I was like, wait a minute. Just as my husband had the free will to go home. This nurse urged him to stay. How similar is that to an, I just want to go home, meaning I want to go to heaven. I'm begging God, I just want to go home. I want to in my life at times because of X, Y, Z. And I also just want out of here out of being on this earth. I know that I will be in heaven one day for all of eternity and that I won't be in any more pain ever again. No more physical pain, the mental turmoil that I go through every day, the ups and the downs, my mental illness will be over with. And I want out at times. I want to go home, but it's like, God is saying my child, you have their free will the Liberty to go home. But please don't do that. I can't make you stay here on this earth, but please stay. Wow. We have the freewill. But God wants us to stay. And I have stayed every single time, obviously, because I'm talking to you now. And when I asked the nurse that question, did they have a report for us an update? Anything? He said, I've seen the report and I'm not at Liberty to say. What the CT scan shows, but I'm urging you to stay. That part it's like when we say why God, why. Why do you want me here? What's the update on my life. Even if I don't physically do anything to myself, why don't you ever just let me not wake up in the middle of the night? Just take me out at night. Why am I still here? Just like I questioned that nurse that night. I have questioned God so many times. Why do you want me here? Why do you want me to stay? And I wake up still here. And I might even get ticked off that. I woke up to be honest. Has that ever happened to you? And it can really lead to even more depression. If we dwell on it long enough. Honestly, I know I have. We oftentimes have no idea why we're staying, but we do. We surely don't know what's on the other side and we don't see a way out, but we stay. And I can now say that. I'm glad that I have stayed all those times. And since you're listening to this, I'm so glad that you have stayed as well. And when my husband said, okay, I'll stick it out. And he stayed in that waiting grim. How many times does that happen to us? Okay, God, I'll stick it out. One more time. But, you know what happened when he finally got called back into a room? He had the most attentive care given to him by an amazing position. She was phenomenal. And he began treatment right then and there. He was immediately pumped up with tons of aspirin and cholesterol medicine and maybe some blood pressure medication to can't really remember. And a few hours later when he was transferred to another room upstairs, the physical therapist met with him and he started on his play into recovery, just a couple of hours later. Now he's been five and a half months not driving or not working. He was instructed not to drive since he's on the road, a ton for work. And it just wouldn't have been the wisest decision to drive that much. So he was in the hospital and at home. He put in the work, he had physical therapy, occupational therapy took medication and is still taking medication. Did all the things. How much is that? Like us? We throw up our hands and we're like, okay, God, I'll stay. And you're at your wit's end. You are so tired. Uh, feeling like a failure each time, which you're not by the way you are in no way a failure, but we feel that way. And we are fed up with ourselves. We want to try something, anything that will work for us so that we are never in this desperate and dark place again. If you're like me, that he might be crying your eyes out and you've decided that you're going to stay. And so you start Googling. What's the best medication for depression. Or what exercises are best for anxiety? Whatever it may be. And he start putting in the work because you were tired of feeling this way. You are fed up and you need a fresh start. You finally start making yourself a priority. Maybe you scheduled your first therapy session, or maybe you've been going to therapy, but you've checked out and you want to really intentionally listen now. You start actually using those coping tools to fight off your depression. You start taking medication, or you finally get honest with your doctor, that your meds aren't working for you anymore, and you would like to change. You're starting somewhere. You decided to stay and you put in the work and you were on your way to recovery. Just like how my husband was on his way to recovery. When he decided to stay at the hospital that night. And if that is you, I'm telling you once again, I am so proud of you. I'm so proud of you for staying and for putting in the work or getting ready to put in the work. And I'm proud of myself too. I can look back and tell myself what was I thinking? If I ended my life at 28. Or at 30 or 31 30, 2 33. All the way up to now where I'm 37 years old. I would have missed out on so much. I would have missed. My seven year olds laughed at is absolutely contagious. And the way that she throws her hair back when she laughs. Her sweetness and sassy newness that I love. Her beautiful and creative spirit. And showing her how to put, curl grieve in her hair and which lip balm to use that will dry out her lips. I would have missed my nine-year-old silliness, the faces. He makes it me every morning when I dropped him off at school. The little permanent dimple that was created near his eye when he fell one day. The genius little boy that he is with his invention and engineering mind. The way he says, me love you to me. I would have missed being married to my best friend for going on 10 and a half years. The date nights we've had. The conversations of dreams that we have had are for our life. The family trips that we've taken to great Wolf lodge to beach days. Even field trips, where I get to see my kids and their element when they're surrounded by their closest friends. Our dog, Benny who makes me smile. Our new home that I dreamed of having any incredible sunrises that I get to see every single morning. And the family afford deer that come into our yard, which say total surprise. Watching my kids play in the snow and seeing me and my son play for hours on end while my husband and our daughter go inside after five minutes. And watch us from the window while drinking hot chocolate, because it's just too cold for them. I wouldn't have been able to meet a new person just a few weeks ago, who was currently discussing bipolar disorder with her psychiatrist. This girl came up to me. And said, I just need to talk to you. You seem so successful and happy, like genuinely happy. And I just want to learn all about you. If I had left, I wouldn't have been able to meet her and potentially help her. I would have missed out on. All of those things and many, many small moments in between. And I'm so very glad that I decided to stay so that I could experience those things. I want to challenge you this week. If you have ever felt the way that I have that you wanted it all to end. I want you to write out a list of the things that you would have missed out on. If you weren't here. The Gus on that and breathe in the reality of all that you've gotten to experience by staying. And I know there will be hard days for me up ahead, whether it is a week from now or a years from now, I'm sure my mind will drift off to the what if thoughts again, and I'm going to remind myself of this day. God, I thank you so much for your unfailing. Love for us. I thank you for your spirit who leads us and who led me to stay. And for all of those who had stayed, who are listening to this. I thank you for all of the beautiful things that this life has brought to me because I chose to stay and I pray that others can see those things clearly as well. Remind us of why we're here and what our purpose is. Amen. Now for next week's episode, I'm going to go over something called the reasons to stay alive list and how beneficial it can be. It is something that I started doing years ago and has been a huge piece of my recovery. And I can't wait to share it with you. Also while you're here. I want to talk to you about my newest mental health project. I've been working on the rescued and restored workbook. This is a 65 page downloadable mental health workbook that is filled with worksheets prompts and scripture to read in times of depression and anxiety. This is not your momma's old fashioned journal. They say, workbook filled with worksheets that you can use to dig deeper into learning more about yourself. You can also bring these sheets with you to a therapist or a doctor so that they can understand your stressors or triggers better. So that they can help treat you better. It's also filled with anxiety, trackers, mood trackers, and sleep trackers. It is jam packed with stuff, and I don't want you to miss out on it. Simply head on over to the mental refuge.com and you can find the rescued and restored workbook under the shop tab and be sure to enter in the code podcast at checkout to get 15% off. I hope you enjoy today's episode. If you will, please leave a review of this podcast. It really helps spread the word to others. And believe it or not, it actually makes it visible to others. They can find it. And if you are watching this on YouTube, please leave a comment and let me know what you're thankful for. What things would you have missed out on? If you didn't say. I hope you have a great rest of your week. Talk to you soon.