#6 Overthinking vs. Catastrophic Anxiety

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Hey there, welcome to the Mental Refuge podcast. Here we talk all things mental health and Christianity. I am your host, Angela McDonald. I run my website, The Mental Refuge, where I talk about my own personal struggles, mental illness, while also being a Christian and a mom of two. And I help others by giving tips and tricks on what has helped me. To be clear, this is my story. I personally live with bipolar disorder and live with anxiety, so I know what it's like to go through the trenches of life and to feel alone. My goal is to bring you weekly tips and education on how to thrive with your mental health while giving you real examples from my own life and also provide you with a much needed dose of Jesus. I hope you stick around and stay a while. Welcome guys to episode number six of the mental refuge podcast. I'm so excited about this week's episode. We're gonna be talking about overthinking versus catastrophic anxiety. If you're watching me on YouTube, you will see that I'm kind of bumming it today. Got no makeup on sunglasses. I literally just got out of bed, took my dog out ransom errands, which. Basically means picked up a McDonald's iced coffee. That's my extent of running errands for this morning. So came back and I'm ready to record. So let's kick things off with what is making me happy right now. I want to do that every single episode, just to encourage each other, to always look for the happiness in every single day life. There's always something to be happy for. I truly do believe that. Even if our circumstances are. Deep down in the pit and they, we don't see any way out. There is always one little glimpse of hope that we can cling on to always, always, always every single person has one thing to clink to, even if that means the sun is shining or maybe the snow is falling where you are, whatever it is, whatever you love. There's always something to be happy for. And I really think that we should be thankful for those things. So what is making me happy right now? Currently it is spring break for my kids while I'm recording this. And I am loving it because we now live in a neighborhood. I have never lived in neighborhood before in my entire life, if other than calling like apartments neighborhoods, but I don't really consider that. And so since we've never lived in a neighborhood, I've never really, there's never been anywhere for my kids to ride their bikes. There's never been family walks to go on, you know, in the past, when I wanted to exercise, I have physically gone to the gym to do that. And I haven't been to the gym in months now because I'm getting outside. Like I said, it is spring break. And I love that since it's getting darker. Later in, later in the evening that I, that we are able to take bike rides. My kids are riding their bikes while I'm walking behind them. Ella may tell you they are fast. They are so fast combing. Going down these neighborhood roads and I'm trying my best to keep up with them. I also, I'm so happy that they have friends who were in the neighborhood friends that we have known from church for a long, long time friends from school just from various places. So I'm so thankful that we have had. A friend come over to our house and play this week. During spring break, we've had our daughter go over to a neighbor's house to go and play with her daughter. It is just been such a blessing for, for me, especially, I'm just so for ever forever, forever thankful for this home. And for all the hard work that it took to get here I feel like this is also new to me and I'm late to the game. Cause my super, like, it's just a neighborhood, Angela. Like it. It's not that big of a deal, but to me, it is such a big deal. And I'm just so thankful for that. So something that I want to talk about this episode is about overthinking, but also catastrophic anxiety, which we're going to cover in a little bit. So a little fun fact about me. My mind never shuts up. I constantly have a thought in my head. So the other day, my husband just said something about like something about the window and the words to the window came up. And in my head, I was like to the window. Whoa. And, or my daughter said something out, even who knows what it was related to. And all of a sudden I started singing a Latin. I can show you the world. And I just, my brain does not stop. My brain is always, either singing a song, telling a story. It's always, always, always moving. In SuperSpeed fast-forward motion. Unless since I have bipolar disorder, unless I'm in a depressive episode. Then my mind kind of goes blank and I don't think of anything. It is literally just like blink and man is a strange feeling to me. And that's, those are those times where I just lay down a bit and I zone out. But for today, we're going to talk about overthinking and also catastrophic anxiety. So with overthinking, this is probably stuff that you might do in your everyday life. A lot of common overthinking or anxiety, if you will even. It's a lot of people have anxiety when it comes to phone calls. So how many of you are like that? Especially if you are calling something mundane, such as calling a pizza order. You're like, Nope, I'm just going to skip that restaurant. I'm not going to go. Order pizza. I'm going to go somewhere where I can do it online. Because you might even practice in your head. You might even write out a script of what you're going to say. To the person taking your order for your dinner that night. That is very common. That actually happens a lot. If you have to call a doctor's office, make an appointment, you might write out a script of what you're going to say. Something like that can be overthinking, but let's go the next step and talk about things that are going on in my life right now. Just to give you guys some real life examples. So like I said, this week is spring break. The other day, we went to a trip to a museum with my kids and a couple of their friends. And this museum was an hour and 45 minutes away. So for about five days, five, six days leading up to it. I over-thought, it. Big time. Now mind you, this is an overnight trip. There was nothing to pack for. There was really nothing to plan other than what time we're going to pick up our kids' friends. And what time are we going to drop them off? That was really the only planning that we really needed to do. But I over-thought what time we're going to leave? What time are we going to get to the museum? We'll be parking deck before, because where we're going, it's kind of chaotic parking and I never know where I'm going and I'm not even driving. What time will we get back? Do we have Cub Scouts that night? If so then we need to be back by six 30. There were so many thoughts. And then trying to text the other two moms, our kids, friends, moms about the plan. It shouldn't have been that big of a deal. They really shouldn't. But in my mind, I just over-thought it. And even when we were there, it was like, okay, well, we're going to go to this restaurant. That's kind of attached to the museum, but what if the kids, don't eat, this is the first time I've ever taken our kids, friends anywhere. And so I was like, well, what if they don't like the lunch that we picked out? And, all of these thoughts, it was just overthinking. It didn't need to be done. It should have been relaxing time. And it was once we got there, but the five or six days leading up to it was filled with overthinking. And like I said, this wasn't even an overnight trip. So even bigger hopefully we are planning to go on a trip to universal in Orlando. Later this year, and this will be months away. And I am. Way over thinking. Everything about it, the cost of everything. And we even got a quote from when these travel agents who does everything for us. And I still can't stop thinking about it because we have three options. Okay. One, we can stay for$1,800 and that includes. Waterslide in in two different pools and a lazy river. There's another one for$2,200. There's a third option is$4,000, but it comes to the fast passes for all four days with it. We would be there. So it actually ends up being cheaper. And the other two options that hotel it's also just nicer. And even has this Sandy beach access type area. It has a hot tub, but then I think, well, we won't even really be able to enjoy that portion in full because we have two kids. And will we go, they're going to be 10 and eight at that time. And we can't just leave them in the room by themselves while we go out to the hot tub or to the Sandy beach area and have relaxing time, my husband and myself. And then I think about. You know, is the fast pass really worth it? Are we going to get our money's worth out of it? And the transportation of it all. Do we fly? Do we try? I don't even like driving three hours. That's about my limit. So with the bathroom breaks and everything, this is going to take like the 12 or 13 hour trip. How am I going to divide up the time? I've never been on a road trip to Florida before, like with me driving. My mind won't shut off about it. And this is supposed to be a relaxing, fun family trip. And my mind. And it's month away. And my mind is just going in overdrive about it. Another thing that I'm overthinking lately is budgeting. This is an everyday real life example that you guys probably are familiar with. My husband might be starting a new job coming up. I'm a big fan of Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruz, George camel. I love especially Rachel and George, their podcasts, the but if they call it smart money, happy hour, I love that podcast. We are a big fan of cash envelopes. I haven't done it in many, many, many years. But one night. About couple two, three weeks ago, I spent about two hours redoing our budget. I spend about two hours at night after the kids were in bed, went to the computer. Went on Excel, completely redid our budget. With the projected pay that my husband will get. If you were to start this new job. Spreadsheet with all the things. Okay. If we go back to cash envelopes, maybe we will actually be able to save money. More than we ever have and not just spend it for firstly, we'll just have it there. In cash. I didn't go to bed until after midnight, because I was just so focused on that. And at the time my husband even lovingly, he was like, you, you got to go to bed. And then the next day he was like, you're focusing on this way too much. And in my mind, I was like, I'm really not. Like, I, I slept five that night. I didn't spend like four or five hours on it. I spent about two, you know, in my head I was trying to justify it, but looking back, I was like, yeah, two hours is probably a long time. To be going over a budget that we don't even know exactly to the penny, what Paychex would look like? But it was a little excessive, how much time I spent on that. And because of that, I guess. Instagram is Facebook is now feeding in my algorithm. Cash envelopes because I have obviously been searching for it, things like that. So when I'm seeing, I see all of these girls cash, stuffing envelopes, you know, payday. You know, looking at these portfolios, the envelopes themselves, the, he can get them custom made on Etsy. So there was about two or there's three nights in a row. Where I would spend an hour to two hours at night. Scrolling on Instagram and I would just watch the girls cash stuff, their cash envelopes. How they budget things like that, stuff that I know how to do, stuff that I have done. Often on very randomly for about 15 years now. I could have been doing something way more productive in that time, but I didn't. And sit. I went on Amazon and Etsy looked for the absolute perfect cash envelope, binder and envelopes, all that stuff. And I searched for two or three nights before I added it to my cart. And at what cost. It was a$9 binder and a$6 cash expense tracker, a thinky. It's not like I was spending two days mulling over the details and about to drop$150 on a leather binder. Like, no, it was$15. You guys. I could very well just return it if I don't like it, or if I ended up not using it, like I think I would, but instead I over-thought, it, I kind of obsessed about it for those two or three nights. And my last example it's when somebody responds to a text with a thumbs up. I hate that so much, guys. I hate it. In the past, I have actually teared up when somebody has sent, when I have sent a text out and somebody replies with a thumbs up. I actually thought that that person. Was tired of me wanting nothing to do with me. It was during a depressive episodes. I was already really, really down. I know that that's not true. That's not how that person feels about me, but that is exactly how I felt. And that is one of those things. When you get a reply. Of just say thumbs up. You're probably going to overthink it about what did I do wrong? What did I say wrong? You know, do they not like me? And I ever going to hear from them again, we just have these overthinking thoughts, which leads me to catastrophic anxiety. Oh boy. So in case you've never heard of it before, because I didn't until about a few years ago, when one of my past therapist told me. That I have catastrophic thinking or catastrophic anxiety. The official definition is. It is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes. And believe it terrible or catastrophic outcomes. Which are highly unlikely. Become in your mind, extremely likely. So basically your brain is constantly telling you that the worst case scenario will always happen no matter what, even if it is highly unlikely to happen, your brain is telling you that it will. So some examples. If you are driving, this is a big one for me. I don't just think I'm going to have a little fender bender. Like, I feel like everybody has normal everyday anxiety with driving. You're like, oh, you might be a little bit tense behind the wheel. And you might be a little bit anxious. He might be extra cautious, which is a good thing because you want to keep yourself safe. But catastrophic thinking or catastrophic anxiety would be. I'm not lucky enough just to get into a fender bender. If I get into an accident, my car is going to clip another car. I'm going to roll over seven times. My seatbelt is going to get stuck. I won't be able to get out. That is extreme. Thinking. That is extreme. The chances of that happening are very, very slim. But that is something that my mind goes to, and that is why it is, it is hard for me to drive those long distances on a highway. Because, especially with bridges and stuff is because I think worst case scenario at all times. And let me tell you, I've never actually witnessed. I know that they happen. I've I know France has happened to you, but I've never witnessed with my own eyes, a car doing that flipping over seven times, going over a bridge, having their seatbelt get stuck. I've never seen that happen in real life. But because I know that it is possible. My mind automatically goes there. That is catastrophic. That is soul crushing anxiety right there. Another driving example, not as extreme, but still catastrophic thinking under that category. My mom actually came over for a visit a few a couple of months ago and she had this thought. She takes all sorts of back roads on the way home instead of driving. Through those main highways because she hates driving through there just like I do. But when she left, she left with plenty of time because she said, I don't want to drive on those back roads when it's dark, because what if I get a flat tire? And those back roads it's in the middle of nowhere. So I probably won't have cell phone service. And then what would I do? She said this to me out loud. Her thoughts went on and on, based on a fear of being abandoned and alone with no one to help. Now mind you, there is no reality to this fear. She has been driving these roads. For about 20 years coming up this fall and she has never once broken down on the side of the road. She has never once lost cell phone service while on the road. But that is extreme thinking it is that I am going to be in danger if I don't take these precautions. So her precaution was, I want to leave when it's day time. Before it gets dark. That way it won't be abandoned. Alone at dark with no one to help me. Some people would go on even further. Just like with my car accident example, you're not just going to get into a car accident. You're going to go big. Right? So some people might take it even further. Some people might say. If my car breaks down at night and I lose cell phone service, then I'm going to have to walk up to a stranger's door and ask to use their phone. But people don't like answering their door these days. And what if they're in bed and what if they're mad that I woke them up? And people protect themselves these days. You know, if somebody wanted to come up to my house, I might be leery, especially if it's dark. Of answering that door. So what if somebody pulls out something on me? What if they see that I'm alone and they try to Rob me, people have these types of thoughts when they go through catastrophic anxiety, it is an extreme way of thinking. So are you with me here? And something not so extreme, but still categorized under catastrophic. I believe. If you were to go to McDonald's in the morning, just like I went in this morning, I got my ice coffee. What if they get your order wrong? They charged you too much money. They didn't take your coupon from the app. Your biscuit was cold. You asked for vanilla iced coffee and said they gave you caramel. It was slow service. Some people might just get a little bit ticked off at that. Some people have that extreme thinking. They might think, well, there goes my day. Here's another thing that isn't working for me and the day just started. Nothing's going my way. My whole day is ruined. A whole lot of people feel that way. So even if you can't relate to these scenarios, you're like, well, I'm not scared of driving because you know, these are just so extreme. My mind isn't that bad. My anxiety. Isn't that bad. Think about this. Do you ever say the word never. Do you ever say to yourself? I will never get married. I will never be in a longterm relationship. I will never be able to have kids. No one will ever love me. I will never be able to graduate. And get that degree. I will never be successful. I want to, I've had this dream of opening a boutique and I'm going to fail. I might as well, not even try because it's going to fail. I will never be successful. I will never be able to move. Out of this apartment and into my own home, because I will never be able to afford it. I will never be able to have a career. I will always be stuck at this job. I will always be stuck at this desk job as an assistant. I will always be stuck at this job. As a house cleaner. I will never be able to have that career that I've always wanted. So how many of you have ever had these never type of thoughts that is catastrophic thinking? So the consequences of having catastrophic thinking, do you think it's healthy to think like this it, no, it is so unhealthy. But it's not like we have these thoughts and we just move on with our day. These type of thoughts can really mess you up in the long run. And here's how, when we have this extreme way of thinking and actually increases our normal anxiety, because this way of thinking forces our brain to think of the worst case scenario at all times. And when you do that long enough, you will have really, really, really bad everyday excit. Which can lead you to have full blown panic attacks that you normally might not have. Having catastrophic anxiety also invites depression. There's actually science behind it. When we think that our lives are hopeless and will never be good. And then our brains actually start to put out less serotonin and dopamine, the happiness and pleasure motivation chemicals in our brain. And we have less of those things. We've become more and more depressed. So who wants to be depressed? I really don't. I really don't. Nobody ever wants to make themselves depressed. So we can actually fight off our depression by not having this extreme thinking. When it comes to our anxiety. So I'm talking about these things and you might be thinking to yourself, you're like, oh, great. Here's the another thing for me to work on. I'm such an idiot. Why do I do this to myself? My brain is broken. Also catastrophic thinking your brains are not broken. So take a deep breath. We just need to learn some tools on how to cope with it. So we don't have this type of extreme way of thinking anymore. We need to change our thought patterns and it's going to take a lot of work, but you know what? You can do hard things. I know some of the stuff that you have overcome. Some of you have overcome cancer. Some of you have overcome abuse. Or drug and alcohol use. Some of you are still in the midst of depression or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, whatever it is. And you are climbing your way out of that pit, trying to do better for yourself. You are in charge of your own brain. I want to remind you of that. Yes. Depression is absolutely real. Anxiety is real catastrophic. Anxiety is real. All mental illnesses are real, but we are in charge of our own brain and we can change our thought patterns to become healthy. Instead of staying unhealthy. So to wrap this up for this episode, we talked about overthinking and catastrophic anxiety and how it can actually mess up our lives and cause depression to be even worse. I want you to still tune in next week, because we're going to be talking about why we have these thoughts, and we're going to learn a lot of tips on how to overcome our catastrophic thinking. I can't wait for you to tune into next week's episode. If you will, if you are listening to this on Spotify, apple podcasts, or wherever you may be, please leave a review of this podcast. It really helps spread the word to others and lets others know this even exists. And if you are on YouTube, please comment, subscribe, like do all the things so that we can spread the word about the mental refuge and how we can help each other overcome our mental illness. And just thrive in our everyday life. I'll talk to you next week.