64. What's Really Holding Writers Back with Molly Carroll

Today I'm diving deep into the writer mindset with my dear friend and accomplished therapist, coach, author, and speaker Molly Carroll.

We cover so much ground from the transformative power of morning rituals to reframing our resistance through a completely new lens. Molly shares incredible insights about self-care through the creative process, and honestly, so much more than I could have hoped for.

I encourage you to turn in to hear more.

Find more on Molly Carroll here

Find more on Nicole here.

Transcript

THE WHOLE WRITER EP 64 - What's Really Holding Writers Back with Molly Carroll

00:00:00] Nicole Meier: Hi everyone. I'm so thrilled to have you here today. Before we dive in, I want to introduce someone incredibly special to me, my dear friend, Molly Carroll. Molly isn't just an amazing coach and therapist. She's the person I call at any hour when I'm staring at a blank page or facing down self-doubt, and somehow she always knows exactly what to say.

[00:00:23] Nicole Meier: You all are in for a session with a capital S today. We've covered so much ground from the transformative power of morning rituals to reframing our resistance through a completely new lens. Molly shared incredible insights about self-care through the creative process, and honestly, so much more than I could have hoped for.

[00:00:43] Nicole Meier: With over 30 years of experience and education and mental health, Molly brings a wealth of wisdom as a seasoned therapist, coach, and public speaker. She's dedicated her life to helping people lead more empowered and connective lives, something every writer needs. You might recognize Molly from her two powerful Ted Talks or know her as the author of Cracking Open, a creative journal for Self-Transformation and Trust within letting Intuition Lead.

[00:01:11] Nicole Meier: Both books have helped countless writers break through their barriers. If her voice sounds familiar, you might be one of her many fans of her heartwarming podcast. Cracking Open with Molly Carroll, which has become a global resource for anyone seeking connection, healing, and inspiration when she's not transforming people's lives.

[00:01:31] Nicole Meier: Molly leads incredible workshops and retreats across the United States, Mexico, and Costa Rica. She's even shared her wisdom with companies like Apple, LinkedIn, and Hydro Flask. What I find most inspiring about Molly is how her spiritual journey, including a private audience with his Holiness the Dalai Lama, has shaped her approach to helping others connect with their higher selves and create with purpose and compassion.

[00:01:56] Nicole Meier: I. So get comfortable. Maybe grab something to write with because I promise you're going to want to remember what she has to say.

[00:02:09] Nicole Meier: Welcome to the whole writer, A place where we talk about what it means to show up as a writer, not just a better writer or a more productive writer, or a published writer. But a whole one, someone who's grounded in their voice, in their community, in their creative path, even when the world tells them to hustle, compare, or conform.

[00:02:30] Nicole Meier: I'm Nicole Meier, a multi published author and book coach. Who believes that nurturing the person behind the page is just as important as refining the words on it. Each week we'll explore the terrain of writing life with honesty, warmth, and practical wisdom, creating space for you to write from a place of wholeness rather than depletion.

[00:02:50] Nicole Meier: Whether you're drafting your first manuscript or publishing your fifth book, you'll find conversation and companionship for the journey here. So settle in, bring your questions and your curiosity, and let's discover what it means to write and live with authenticity and purpose. Hello writers. Welcome back into the whole writer.

[00:03:13] Nicole Meier: I am thrilled about today's guest because not only is she amazing human, but she is one of my dear longtime friends. Molly is a credentialed teacher, licensed therapist, coach, author, parent and friend. But most of all, she's one of the most intuitive people that I know. So that's why I wanted her to come on and discuss the topic of what's really holding writers' back.

[00:03:38] Nicole Meier: So. Welcome, Molly. 

[00:03:41] Molly Carroll: Thank you for having me. I love that I'm your most intuitive friend. 

[00:03:46] Nicole Meier: Molly and I have known each other for a very long time, and we have supported each other as writer friends and as personal friends, and we have a small sort of solopreneur group that we're a part of. I have been itching to get you on the podcast, Molly, and this just feels like the right time, especially right now because I'm focusing on a lot of sort of the whole writer in terms of wellness and caring for ourselves and really going deeper than just the craft.

[00:04:13] Nicole Meier: So I am thrilled to talk about this discussion with you. 

[00:04:17] Molly Carroll: Well, I'm honored to be here. I love writers. I'm a writer and I love talking about the whole self as well. The perfect topic for the two of us. 

[00:04:27] Nicole Meier: And we will definitely share about your books at the end of this 'cause I wanna make sure that we share that with our audience.

[00:04:32] Nicole Meier: Okay. So Molly, you are a therapist and you are a coach. And I know that you deal with this with so many people when they talk about the resistance and feeling stuck and what's holding them back. But today we're really gonna talk about writers. And I know you can tap into this because you're an author yourself, but I think I wanna start at the beginning because.

[00:04:54] Nicole Meier: We always like to say, oh, what are the tactics? Or, you know, what can I do? I wanna just start very simple. I usually say the most simple thing is usually the most powerful. So let's talk about morning rituals. This is something I learned from you. Many writers lean into the idea of morning rituals. So could you kind of talk about therapeutic insights you can offer and why establishing something so simple could be so powerful and what would be beneficial of this kind of a practice?

[00:05:23] Molly Carroll: I'm gonna try to focus everything I say today to writers, but I think it's to anyone. I think anyone could listen to this podcast and get something out of it, but we'll focus on the writer's journey. But I've been a licensed therapist for over 25 years, but I've been working with families, children, women, for over 30 years, and I would say the number one tool that is supportive of anyone's creative endeavor is the morning ritual.

[00:05:48] Molly Carroll: And why that is, is because we usually wake up. With a strong sense of purpose in the way. What I mean of like, that could be like your to-do list for your kids. That could be something you know you need to do that you didn't get done the day before. Our brains are, even though we're tired, they wake up 'cause they've been in a subconscious place.

[00:06:10] Molly Carroll: So how you start your morning is really important, not only from a psychological place, from a neuropsychology place, from a spiritual place. And the other thing I wanna share that I think is really important for everyone listening to is we have all these books and we have all these top five tips, and we have all these things we're gonna hear.

[00:06:27] Molly Carroll: But in order to really have a productive morning ritual, you have to know yourself. Who are you? Are you realistically not gonna be able to do anything until you have a cup of coffee? The first thing you do is your morning ritual is make yourself a cup of coffee. You can make that kind of ritual, holistic, or a cup of tea.

[00:06:46] Molly Carroll: Or hot water with lemon, anything like that, that's really important. And then it's, are you more of a journal? I'm guessing a lot of your writers, your listeners are journalists. Are you someone that does it a voice memo? Are you someone that does it on the computer? Are you someone that's pen and paper?

[00:07:01] Molly Carroll: Journaling is great. Are you someone who wants to just kind of get quiet? Meditation, prayer, intention setting, goal setting? Learn to know what is yourself and what works for you. And I'm kinda the opposite. Like, I actually need to get up and write my to-do list first, and then I can kind of quiet. I need to get it outta my head, what needs to happen.

[00:07:24] Molly Carroll: So no shame in that. The exercise is getting out in nature. Is it opening a window? Is it lighting a candle, but do something for you? I think if you set up your morning ritual, knowing that it's important to have something that's about your process, your soul, your day, you're gonna be able to be available not only for the muse of the writer, but for everyone else in your life.

[00:07:50] Molly Carroll: Yeah, I would say morning rituals are very, very important. 

[00:07:53] Nicole Meier: I love that you mentioned the to-do list because I will say I come across some resistance with writers where they say, I don't wanna be so self-indulgent and sit down and have my tea and journal, and my family's thinking, what are you doing?

[00:08:04] Nicole Meier: What's going on? And when you brought in the to-do list, it made it much more practical, but also still grounding yourself, grounding in how you start your day. And I think that that is so often overlooked. So I'm really happy that you touched on different ways people can begin their day. Because if you just fly right into, okay, I'm gonna sit at the keyboard and start typing, we all know it's not of deep of a process and you're not gonna get as much out of the work for that day.

[00:08:31] Nicole Meier: So I love that for someone who's never meditated or just sat down and journaled before the lights even come on. You know, if they light a candle, what would you say is a very small, easy step for them, even internally, to tell themselves it's okay. This is not self-indulgent. 

[00:08:48] Molly Carroll: That's a big one. I mean, we could spend a whole hour just on that and it's around worthiness.

[00:08:53] Molly Carroll: And we as a culture, especially as women, have not been programmed that we are worthy to take time for ourselves. We've been taught as selfish. We've been taught as self-indulgence. So that's a rewiring that is up to you and this is where I'm gonna drop into self-agency, and that you are responsible for your own feelings.

[00:09:12] Molly Carroll: I think often women want permission and men too. But what I've seen more in my work is that it's harder for women than men to have permission to take care of themselves. So I have a lot of compassion around this 'cause I have it too. I have a really hard time taking care of myself. I offer retreats for women.

[00:09:28] Molly Carroll: I offer coaching programs for women. Yet I don't attend one. I don't attend many retreats. I've never done a coaching program for myself, but I've learned other things that I do to take care of myself. So the first thing I would say, I. Is with compassion and a lot of love, but you are responsible for your own feelings.

[00:09:47] Molly Carroll: So if you're not feeling like yourself in, you can't be self-indulgent. That's your responsibility to change that messaging. So that could be anything from like a morning mantra, but before you even get outta bed, put one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly. It's really important to touch the skin, to remind the body from a somatic place that you are worthy.

[00:10:07] Molly Carroll: You may see yourself as an 8-year-old at that moment, and like, oh, but mom says, I gotta get up and get my shoes and get ready to school. Or an 18-year-old, I gotta rush to class. Or a 30-year-old, oh my gosh, the kids first and my husband first. Or you're caretaking someone, but you just take 10 seconds to say you are worthy.

[00:10:28] Molly Carroll: All is okay. I can take a moment for myself. I deserve this. Whatever comes up to you. Or I'm responsible for my own emotions. So in order for me to be available for everyone else, I need to take care of myself first. And I'm gonna say it's not easy, but being healthy and whole is not easy. Yeah. It's not like it just arrives.

[00:10:49] Molly Carroll: And as we get older, more complications come into play, and so it needs to be more of a priority. So the first thing I would say is. You are responsible for your own feelings and your own emotions, so you need to take care of yourself. And the second thing is called intimacy and interdependence. So in order to know that you're worthy intimacy, meaning you have to be vulnerable, you have to be open hearted, you have to try.

[00:11:16] Molly Carroll: You don't have to. You have to try and know it's not easy. And the interdependence place is find your community. 

[00:11:21] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:11:22] Molly Carroll: So, as Nicole mentioned, we're in the solopreneur. I call it a women's business meeting. We've been meeting for four years, and we have created a culture of intimacy and interdependence. And through that culture, we now feel more worthy about who we are, what we do in the world, how we are as mothers, sisters, humans, because we are taking responsibility for our own emotions, and we believe in intimacy, being vulnerable, being honest, being truthful.

[00:11:52] Molly Carroll: Using our voice and interdependence, finding the right community, the safe space of trust to talk about what we're going to in order to feel more worthy, that we deserve to take time for ourselves. 

[00:12:06] Nicole Meier: I'm so happy that you brought all that up, Molly, because two words are standing out to me, vulnerability and community, and it's very ironic because as writers, we know this.

[00:12:17] Nicole Meier: We say, in order to have your readers connect to your story, you have to show vulnerability with characters on the page. In order to learn craft and learn about where your publishing path is and where you're going as a writer, you need to connect with a creative community. And as authors, we say, okay, and it's almost like we compartmentalize that.

[00:12:36] Nicole Meier: We say, I'm gonna be vulnerable on the page, but I'm not gonna be vulnerable in real life. I'm gonna show up for creative community because I want my work to get out into the world. But I'm not gonna necessarily think that. I deserve to always be in community. And so it's this very strange push and pull of, I know I need it over here in the work, but can I do it for myself?

[00:12:57] Nicole Meier: So I'm so happy you brought that up. 

[00:12:59] Molly Carroll: Yeah, and I mean, I think any reader knows, I'm a huge reader, especially for my podcast. I read a book a week with interviewing people, is that the more vulnerable, the more interesting, and readers are smart. They know if you're not living, walking the walk, living your practices, they can feel it on the page.

[00:13:18] Molly Carroll: And so I would just say that you do it for yourself first, and because of that mission of self-care and knowing the importance of knowing you're worthy, your work will show that as well on the page. In your conferences, speaking engagements, interviews, and when you meet in your community, they're all in the same vein.

[00:13:48] Molly Carroll: They're not separate. If you separate 'em, they'll feel separate. If you put 'em together in the collective, 

[00:13:52] Nicole Meier: they'll feel more connected. I totally agree, and that's exactly why I'm trying to focus on the whole writer, because it's not just about the creation, it's about the person creating it, and it's all tied together.

[00:14:04] Nicole Meier: And I think that as creatives, we really need to. Step back and really look at everything together as opposed to compartmentalizing the process. So, yeah, I agree with that. Okay. This actually gives me a lovely segue because I wanna talk about resistance of showing up to the work. We talked about what can we do for ourselves to start our day to ground ourselves?

[00:14:25] Nicole Meier: We talked about how can we be vulnerable, how can we think about community? But at the end of the day, for so many writers, myself included, at times, there is this resistance that keeps coming up. So I wanna hear from your point of view, Molly, about resistance and what that really means, or how we can look at it differently as riders.

[00:14:45] Molly Carroll: If you are having resistance, it's the same way. Let's imagine you're in a car and you hit a roadblock. Are you just gonna sit there and not do anything? The car can't go through the barrier. You can wait as long as you want, but the barrier's not gonna move. Again, I come back to self-agency. You need to move your car around.

[00:15:06] Molly Carroll: You need to use different skills and tools to figure out how to overcome the resistance. And resistance is not just gonna move. There's a great saying that courage does not just arrive. It arrives from action. We become more courageous through our actions, and resistance is the same way. So I'm gonna start by talking about our nervous system.

[00:15:27] Molly Carroll: Um, people may know this, but just like kind of a one-on-one of nervous system, we have an autonomic nervous system that involves two parts, the sympathetic nervous system, which is your fight or flight, and your parasympathetic nervous system, which is your rest and digest. Now, the thing is that we need our sympathetic nervous system.

[00:15:44] Molly Carroll: We need it for fight and flight. You've heard mothers lifting cars up their children, or we needed it when we needed to sa bite a saber tooth tiger. Now it's happening when we get an email that doesn't work or we wake up with the resistance in the morning, your palms start to sweat. Your stomach churns, your eyes dilate, and you can see a very minimal view, and you're unable to fight the resistance when you're in the sympathetic nervous system and it stays in your body for 90 to 120 minutes, unless like a light switch, you turn on your parasympathetic nervous system, which is your rest and your digest.

[00:16:19] Molly Carroll: You have a broader view. You become more hungry. Your heart opens more, you're more creative, you have better ideas and resolving. So if you are feeling resistance, I would have you learn about yourself. What are your parasympathetic tools? Breathing, breath work. Breathe. Deep breath journaling. Getting out nature, cleaning a closet.

[00:16:44] Molly Carroll: I mean, it could get in the right and left brain, but I won't go there too much. But because the right brain is, you're flooding in the right brain, too many emotions, all the voices, I'm horrible. This is what happened to me yesterday. That's right. Brain, you're flooding in your right brain. Then you'd be like, clean out one drawer and while you're cleaning out the door, maybe listen to a podcast that someone inspires you or a book that inspires you while you're cleaning the door.

[00:17:04] Molly Carroll: If you're too left brain like, oh, I gotta do this and this and this and this, and this. You need to get to the right brain to turn on the parasympathetic nervous system. You dance, sing, paint, get outside of nature. Dan Siegel calls it the river of VE integration, your right and left brain that turns on your parasympathetic nervous system.

[00:17:22] Molly Carroll: When you are in your parasympathetic nervous system, you have more ideas of how to fight resistance. You would hear a voice saying, write one word on the page, and from that word, write one sentence. And from that sentence, write one paragraph. Wow. Look at those flowers. How could those be a part of my story?

[00:17:44] Molly Carroll: Or what's one story in my life that I tell over and over again because it's interesting? How could I implement that into my book? 

[00:17:56] Nicole Meier: I love it. I'm thinking of all the writers and your listeners, if anyone's out there who's in the query trenches or has gotten rejection or has even shared some pages in a critique group and felt like it didn't land right?

[00:18:08] Nicole Meier: I want you to really pay attention. I encourage you to pay attention because we all have resistance at different times, and the things Molly is saying, honestly, like to all those people who open up their email and get a rejection from an agent. Go for a walk, journal dance. Do something different because I love that idea.

[00:18:26] Nicole Meier: We don't give ourselves a chance to rest. We're just like, who else can I query? Who else can I reach out to? How can I keep this train going? And it's just this hard charging kind of way of going about it. And what you're saying, Molly, is let's switch that thinking. Let's switch those patterns and give ourselves a moment of reflection.

[00:18:45] Molly Carroll: I'm so glad you mentioned that 'cause I think it's really hard when you're in it. All the people listening to your podcast have listened to a lot of podcasts about writers and what to do and read articles and followed blogs and the whole thing. When you're in the midst of getting that rejection letter, which I did, my first book, took me seven years to write and my second book, I had a contract that I had to finish in in 11 weeks.

[00:19:07] Molly Carroll: And lemme tell you my second book, when I had resistance, I didn't have the luxury of resistance 'cause I had my publishing house waiting for the pages. But. What I would say is that it's really about, resistance is also connected to fear of failure. So if you go deeper in yourself, I'm gonna get a little therapeutic practice.

[00:19:27] Molly Carroll: Can I do this here? Yes. Okay. So I'm just gonna walk you through it just a minute because this is the stuff that works. 'cause I hear you and I said too, go for a walk, paint, nature, dance. Great. That stuff does help, but it's doing the deeper unconscious work that sticks. That really changes. So let's just say you open up your email and you get another rejection letter, and the moment you start reading the first three sentences, you know what's happening.

[00:19:54] Molly Carroll: Your body's gonna go into the sympathetic nervous system. It's gonna go into fight or flight, it's gonna go into fear. You're gonna start hearing the negative voices, the comparing mindset, the scarcity mindset. You're gonna start flooding with all these things. So I created something called Pack presence.

[00:20:10] Molly Carroll: Awareness and compassion. It's the acronym, PAC, and you're gonna have resistance in doing this too, but if you just say something to yourself like, what the heck? I gotta try it. I've tried everything else and it doesn't work. All you do is close your eyes and you get really present with what is the emotion that's going on for you, right?

[00:20:30] Molly Carroll: Then, fear, guilt, shame, whatever emotion's happening, and then you become really aware of where is it in the body. My stomach's tight. My heart is clenching. I feel like I wanna cry. I'm slumping over. My palms are sweating. What does it look like? Oh my gosh, it looks like black slug or a brick, or I've got a noso on my neck.

[00:20:55] Molly Carroll: I can't talk. My mouth is dry. And you just stay with it. Don't escape from the feelings we always say You have to feel to heal and it's gonna get a little intense. Your body is finally like, thank you for listening to me. Kinda like, you know what a little kid wants something. They pull on, you're like, can I have a glass of water?

[00:21:13] Molly Carroll: And if you don't listen and they get louder and louder glass of water, your body's gonna do the same hitting. 'cause it's like finally they're listening to me. You may see an 8-year-old, you may see yourself failing at a, you gotta in a test or that a man or woman or a person didn't ask you up for the second date.

[00:21:31] Molly Carroll: You're gonna see it flooding and just sit with it and watch it and watch it. And then. All you do is bring in the sea compassion. That could be a warm blanket, a cup of tea, a mantra saying, you know what? You're gonna be okay. I'm so proud of you. I love you. You're doing the best you can do. This is one email.

[00:21:56] Molly Carroll: In a spectrum of your life, you're gonna survive and you let that compassion come in. You notice the body calm, you notice the heart open more and you start to realize this is a deeper issue than I just got a rejection letter for my book proposal. This is years of going through things but not really looking at it.

[00:22:19] Molly Carroll: So try pack. I do it every week. Now I just pull my car over and I can do it in like 30 seconds. Presence can do it really quickly. Yeah. Say it again, Molly. Pete presence. Get really present with the emotions, awareness. Where's in the body? What does it look like? What is it saying? And then you bring in compassion.

[00:22:39] Molly Carroll: Compassion is the medicine, the cell for 

[00:22:43] Nicole Meier: our wounds. I love that. I hope that people are taking notes because. This comes up for all of us time and time again, even though we think we've nailed it or we've moved past it, it will come up in different parts of our writing process, parts of sharing our work, parts of being out there in community.

[00:23:00] Nicole Meier: But I also am so happy you brought this up, Molly, because it reminds people they are not alone in feeling this self-doubt. They're not alone in feeling guilt or shame or unworthiness if they do get the rejection or they didn't finish the word count for the day or whatever their goal is. I just want you listeners to know you're not alone.

[00:23:19] Nicole Meier: We've all gone through this. It doesn't matter how seasoned you are, and there is a new way to look at how to care for yourself as a creative. Don't just brush it under the rug. Really sit with it like Molly said, and I just think that that is such a effective, accessible way of doing it. Molly. I 

[00:23:38] Molly Carroll: mean, now we know all the signs and data.

[00:23:40] Molly Carroll: I could quote all the data that I've studied and researched and read from a mental health perspective of like the old way doesn't work. Moving on. Brush it under the rug. Pull up your bootstraps. Toughen up. Yeah, toughen up. Stop crying. We know now from all the studies that that does not change our neuro pathways.

[00:23:58] Molly Carroll: Our neuro pathways have plasticity. The rewire and the neuro pathways. You need to tell it what it wants to hear. You need to function from a place of body. Somatics is real, so it's really about taking the time to it's, I mean, I constantly think about like if you broke your arm, you wouldn't just keep moving on.

[00:24:15] Molly Carroll: You gotta get the cast, you gotta go to the doctor. You need to give yourself rest to heal the bone. It's the same with our internal stories and old stories that don't serve us anymore. I'll tell one personal story. In my graduate school program, I had to write a thesis and the whole year was writing my master's thesis and the first.

[00:24:35] Molly Carroll: What's the word I'm trying to think of Run The first writing. What's the word? First draft. Thank you. First draft your be I'm really, I promise you I'm a writer. I can't even think of first draft. The first draft. My thesis advisor came back with more read on the page of her correcting my mistakes than actual words.

[00:24:53] Molly Carroll: Uh, and I Did you not? I laid on my bed in San Francisco. I cried my eyes out. I'm like, I'm the worst writer. I'm not gonna graduate. And you know, I wrote the thesis. I graduated the whole thing. When I did my first edits for my second book, I had to deal with that PTSD. Yeah. It came up when I was handing in my first pages to my editor.

[00:25:13] Molly Carroll: I was like, whoa, I'm back to graduate school. So this stuff stays in the body. Yes. And it doesn't go away. So I finally was like, okay, I gotta deal with this now. So I'll never write another book. 

[00:25:24] Nicole Meier: Yeah. That's so relatable. I remember my first real professional developmental edit, and it was 325 pages of. So many comments in the margins and man, did I go through a range of emotions.

[00:25:36] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:25:37] Molly Carroll: Experiment. Be quite, not for the faint of heart, I mean, you have to be able to handle a lot of different emotions. Yeah. And write, publish a book or write a book even. 

[00:25:46] Nicole Meier: Yes. Okay. So this is a good segue for me to talk about. Another thing I really wanted to ask you about. So we've talked about grounding yourself.

[00:25:53] Nicole Meier: We've talked about getting present when we're feeling the resistance and really acknowledging what's going on. But there's still that part. Where a writer very much wants to show up for their creative practice, but they fail to show up. And I really wanna ask you, Molly, about the shadow side and from your perspective, how you can explain that.

[00:26:16] Nicole Meier: I very much wanna be here. I very much wanna write this book. I very much wanna show up and yet, and yet I don't. And yet I fail to show up. So can you kind of talk about the shadow side a little bit? 

[00:26:28] Molly Carroll: So, yeah. What Nicole is talking about is I'm trained as a union, Carl Jung psychotherapist, and you coined the phrase, the shadow side.

[00:26:36] Molly Carroll: And the premise of the shadow side is that we have a light side to ourselves and the dark side, which is the shadow. The shadow is the part we don't wanna look at. Our jealousy, our vy, our rage, our judgments. Yet you believed if you can embrace your shadow side, you are more whole. Think of yin and yang, the black and the white.

[00:26:56] Molly Carroll: If you embrace these parts of yourself and you don't shun them or shame them so you don't shun or shame the resistance parts of yourself, you embrace it, you will be able to move through it. But what happens so often is we don't do that. So one technique you can do to embrace the shadow side is write it all down.

[00:27:19] Molly Carroll: Write down everything you've ever felt. Write down every mean thought you've had about anyone, any jealous thought. Anything you've done. You stole the candy bar when you were in third grade, you cheated on a test. You didn't tell the truth of this or that you cheated in your marriage. There's so many different things.

[00:27:39] Molly Carroll: My friend got a book contract and the first thing I felt like was I was pissed. Yeah. Like, why her not me? Why him and not me? So the part about resistance that's really important for people to know is that if we resist it, it persists. That's the same escape, what you resist persists. Okay. So it's almost like imagining, embracing these dark parts of yourself, and I know it's so hard to do, so you can write it down.

[00:28:09] Molly Carroll: Just even taking a moment to look at it. I mean, I'll be a moment right now with Nicole, like we just met for this coffee and we talked about everyone's thing and, and on the driving home from the coffee before we're coming on this interview, I sat with myself. I was like, what's landed and what didn't?

[00:28:23] Molly Carroll: What did people say that made me feel better? And what did people say that didn't make me feel better? And why is that, Molly? I took responsibility for myself versus being like, oh, it's them, or this or this. Like, no, what's my shadow? What's going on for me? Were you jealous? Did you not wanna hear it yet?

[00:28:38] Molly Carroll: Were you not ready to receive that? So I'm really an advocate because I know it works for you, the listener, to take. To know that you're not a bad person and you're not unique, and that you have this shadow side, everyone has it, and you don't have to live in it, like you write it down, burn it, and then go on with your day.

[00:29:07] Molly Carroll: But notice when you burn it and you're watching it, it's like the Phoenix rising. You are like, I feel a little bit lighter. I actually feel like I could use something I just did. In my story, fiction or nonfiction. Nonfiction is like, I'll write this exact story. Fiction would be like, oh yeah, this character needed to release the shame from having an affair, and he or she did it this way.

[00:29:35] Molly Carroll: So that's what I would say. Just those parts of ourselves we don't wanna look at, but if you don't look at them, they're ever present and that much more directive of your own mental health. And your own creative process. 

[00:29:49] Nicole Meier: Yeah. I'm so happy that you really dove into that, Molly, because for a lot of us, we've heard a little bit about the shadow side, but it's really applicable to so many writers, myself included.

[00:30:01] Nicole Meier: Pretty much every writer I know it's one time or another you showed the same thing is we get into the comparison trap. We think certain things. If a friend in our critique group got this major book contract and we didn't, or if someone's doing really well on social media or got asked to speak somewhere, we all have that.

[00:30:19] Nicole Meier: And how amazing would it be for each of us when we're experiencing that or right after to write it down? To burn it, to release it, to tell ourselves we're not alone in this, to tell ourselves it's okay to acknowledge it, but then release it out into the world and we no longer hold onto it. So yeah, I was definitely nodding along when you were explaining all of that.

[00:30:40] Molly Carroll: Yeah. I think what happens is we want this magic pill. We as humans want to know how we feel. When we feel in the light. We feel good. We have joy, we have love. 'cause we know it feels so good and we don't wanna feel all the other stuff, as we all know, and all the research is like in order to have the light, you have to have the dark when you ask anyone, writers included, what's been one of your most memorable stories?

[00:31:13] Molly Carroll: Of being a writer. I mean, I've heard many writers speak on stage. They often share about failure and they often share about the fuck up, where they messed up, where they made a mistake, where they didn't get the book contract, where they didn't take the time. It took them two years to write a book. But I also will say I pushed my clients, I put a hand on their back.

[00:31:39] Molly Carroll: I push them gently, then I am gonna push them. So I'm gonna push your listeners right now. You also need to have these moments where you do say, okay, I burned it. I've seen it. I own it, and I need to get to the computer and I need to read my 1500 words. Yeah. Everyone's always like when they ask me about being right or light, I sat my butt in a chair.

[00:31:59] Molly Carroll: I had a full client base. I had a seven and a 10-year-old. My publishing place gave me 11 weeks to write a book, and I had to write 1500 words a day. That's it. So I got to the library. I sat in the chair and I wrote 15 words of the day, and then I went on with my day. And I don't say that to of people, make me feel sorry for myself.

[00:32:17] Molly Carroll: It really was actually the power of the boundaries and having accountability that got me to fight my resistance as well. So you can do all the mental health things, all the spiritual techniques, but then the reality of it is as humans, in order, if we want something to happen. We gotta do it to make it happen.

[00:32:36] Nicole Meier: You gotta put in the work. You gotta put in the work. And a funny little side note, Molly, that just brought up the imagery of you and I going to write our books in the community college library, totally anonymous, sitting in little cubicles, no wifi, and every day, but in the chair, I so remember that. 

[00:32:55] Molly Carroll: It was so funny.

[00:32:55] Molly Carroll: And when I wrote my last word, I got up from the cubicle. I'm like, oh my gosh. I look out the window. For some reason, of all the seats in the library, I chose right by the garbage dump with the dumpster. The dumpster, like the huge dumpster. I'm like, how did I, but maybe that could be a metaphor of like, I was dumping all my trash.

[00:33:14] Molly Carroll: That doesn't serve me anymore. 'cause I wrote a book on intuition and I gotta trust my intuition and you know,

[00:33:22] Nicole Meier: I love that. Well, I don't wanna linger forever on all of the darkness that comes with not looking at our shit, so to speak. But. I do think it's really important for people to not compartmentalize all this, especially when you're in the creative process, but let's bring it around, Molly, full circle to talk about some really sort of light positives, easy first steps that someone can do when they're exploring what's holding them back.

[00:33:46] Nicole Meier: And also just to reclaim the joy of the creative process. 

[00:33:51] Molly Carroll: Someone said to me, follow the energy. So the first step I would say is get out a pen and paper right on the top. What brings me energy, what makes me feel alive, or who or where? And make a list of the people, the places, the situations that make you feel alive.

[00:34:16] Molly Carroll: What brings you joy? Like I love conferences, I love 'em. I'm inspired, whether it's for my podcast or writer's conference, or a mental health conference or speaker, I'm alive. I can't do 20 of them a year, but two or three day year, you're alive. A certain group of women, like our group of women that we meet with, we like are running into that coffee shop at 7:00 AM to collaborate and to be vulnerable.

[00:34:41] Molly Carroll: That brings me alive. What books you read, what TV shows you watch, what food you're eating, what you're drinking, how you're treating your body. How you feel on days where you get outta bed and go for a run or a walk and how you feel on days when you get outta bed, eat a cinnamon roll and a cup of coffee, which I'm telling you I've done.

[00:35:02] Molly Carroll: So no shame there, but yet you gotta write a thousand pages. So just really follow the flow and that stems from worthiness that you are worth. You deserve to feel the energy, so follow the energy to be alive, and then everyone else wants to be alive with you. Process of trust. Can you really trust your guided by something bigger than yourself?

[00:35:28] Molly Carroll: I'm gonna get a little woo woo here, but I, especially as writers, we have to tap into something outside of our own brain, our own mind have these creative processes. What is that for You? Create altar of sorts. Have your pictures, your relics, your guides. Have that be in your writing space, your candles, your crystals, your rocks, your memorabilia, whatever it is.

[00:35:55] Molly Carroll: If you're writing a book on music and you wanna have an old lp, you wanna have an image of Bob Dylan or Jodi Mitchell or whatever. It's just creating the space that allows you to feel a high vibration. The places the people. The environments. We are a vibration. We are energy. You feel it when you get chills down your spine.

[00:36:20] Molly Carroll: You feel it when you have your face in the sun. You feel it when you hug your children or your loved ones. That is vibration. That is what you wanna feel as much as you can while you're riding or you're doing your creative endeavor is follow the energy. 

[00:36:38] Nicole Meier: That's beautiful, Molly, and following the energy is a beautiful writing prompt to get your creative muscles warm.

[00:36:45] Nicole Meier: It's also a beautiful exercise in building sanctuary for where you are going to write. I always talk about building that sanctuary, that safe space, that quiet space where people aren't trampling through, where you can actually write the pages you wanna write. So very accessible. I love that you shared that, Molly.

[00:37:02] Molly Carroll: Well, I mean, I think about this a lot. When I was writing, I could only write, and I honored this part of myself. My best writing, I should say, was from five to 7:00 AM and I found a Starbucks that opened at 5:00 AM and I couldn't write in my house. And while I was driving to the Starbucks, I tapped into the muse.

[00:37:22] Molly Carroll: I signed my intentions, I quieted my mind, and then I'd get to the Starbucks and I'd write for two hours and then go home and start my day. At that point, when I had young kids. And so now it's a little bit different. Now I'm not currently writing a book, but journaling is so important to me. I carry a little notebook around everywhere in my purse for ideas.

[00:37:41] Molly Carroll: I'm sure you've had this voice recording. I voice record stuff, ideas, especially intuition. 

[00:37:47] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:37:47] Molly Carroll: Should we go into intuition? Yes. So everyone has a deep connection into their inner voice, their guts, their intuition. Everyone has it, but it's like going back to the nervous system of sympathetic co parasympathetic.

[00:38:04] Molly Carroll: You gotta turn on like a light switch. You've gotta feed it. You've gotta trust it. You've gotta follow it like a muscle lifting a weight. It will get stronger. And the best way to follow your intuition is when you hear it, you do something about it. So that would be my brain. It's like five in the morning.

[00:38:24] Molly Carroll: I'd be like, oh, oh, I have to go buy another cup of coffee. I have to put it on my clothes to drive to Starbucks. But it was like, you go to Starbucks. That's the place I was. I'm giving good ads for Starbucks. She gets some money from you. Listen, Nicole, as a fellow podcaster, but really what is that for you?

[00:38:40] Molly Carroll: What is the voice? What does it sound like? Is it female? Is it male? Is it non-gender? Is it old? Is it young? Is it angelic? What does it sound like? But just know that living this way, you find more joy. It's more exciting. It's more interesting too. It's more interesting to live from this place. 

[00:39:03] Nicole Meier: It really is.

[00:39:04] Nicole Meier: And that tapping into your intuition, which is hard at first, but it is a muscle you can keep tapping into and strengthening. It's not just about resistance and showing up, but it goes into so much more. I always tell writers if you have a little internal red flag that's flickering, or your intuition is saying, oh, I didn't fix this, but maybe the readers won't notice.

[00:39:24] Nicole Meier: They'll notice. If you have an intuition that you're writing a story with a message that is not aligned with you or your true writer voice, you think maybe it'll sell because that's what's selling right now. No one else will notice. You'll notice other people will notice. You've gotta follow that intuition all the way from when the muse hits to creating the story, to editing the story, to marketing the story, to talking to your audience.

[00:39:47] Nicole Meier: Follow your intuition, because I'm telling you from experience, and Molly, you can probably say the same thing, is I've had times when I ignored my intuition and man, did it come back to bite me. 

[00:39:58] Molly Carroll: And the beginning of the intuition's intense. 

[00:40:00] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:40:01] Molly Carroll: So it's not like it feels all like roses and you know, chocolate.

[00:40:06] Molly Carroll: It's not, it's like, oh, I gotta rewrite this page. 

[00:40:08] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:40:09] Molly Carroll: Oh my gosh. I gotta tell this agent and they're not the right person for me. I've been working forever for an agent, but yet I don't feel like they really get me as a writer. Right. Those are tough decisions. 

[00:40:19] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:40:20] Molly Carroll: But exactly how you said, they will catch up with you and it will affect the end product.

[00:40:29] Molly Carroll: Of a book. So it's like really following that voice. It's really powerful. I mean, I've had some of the most crazy experiences in my life, as you know, like going to Indiana and by following my intuition. 

[00:40:41] Nicole Meier: Yes. Yeah, that was amazing. Your intuition told you to just jump on a plane and goat me the Dalai Lama and man, did you do it?

[00:40:48] Molly Carroll: Yeah, so I was writing my book. I published my first book Cracking Open, and I was in the process of thinking about my next book. And I was watching a documentary called 10 Questions to Ask The Dalai Lama. And it was about an American journalist who had an opportunity to get a private audience for this hoist, but only at time for 10 questions.

[00:41:08] Molly Carroll: And what would he ask? And the documentary also went into the Chinese fish name on the Tibetan people. And in the middle of the movie, my whole body began to shake. And all I kept hearing, my intuition was saying is that you need to go to India and help Tibetan refugees. And I mean, I had done yoga, I liked meditation, but I, Tibet was not one of my in causes.

[00:41:28] Molly Carroll: I had no interest in going to India. I'm not a Buddhist. I mean, who doesn't love the Dalai Lama? But it wasn't that. But I booked my ticket and I was gonna go, I planned the volunteer place and my whole journey, I was going alone. Sadly, my father passed away and I could barely get outta bed, let alone get on a plane and go to India.

[00:41:49] Molly Carroll: So I canceled my trip and I was on a hike with a friend one day, about a year later, and she said, when are you going? You waste money. You had the whole plan. And I kind of got mad. I was like, it's not that easy to pick up and go to India. I had kids, I had a full private practice, but I got home and I kept hearing her words.

[00:42:09] Molly Carroll: That's another thing to remember writers, if you keep hearing someone's word and I was like, she's right. And she kept saying, if you wanted to go to India, you could go tomorrow. And I booked a ticket and like three weeks later to go to India. And I remembered the first time I went, I was like, this true world's got a private audience.

[00:42:26] Molly Carroll: I could get one. And I just wrote www.dollylong.com and ask for a private audience. And they're like, no, he is 70. At the time, he had hundreds of thousands of requests. Sorry. No. And then two days before I was leaving, I thought, I'm gonna write them again. That's another thing with writing. Keep writing the voices you hear.

[00:42:48] Molly Carroll: So I wrote him again and said, my father passed away. I was unable to come, but I'm coming now. Is there any way I could get a private audience with this holiness? Dai Lama and they said, we'll see what we can do. And when I got there, I got my private audience. I gotta spend some time with them alone. And that was following my intuition.

[00:43:06] Molly Carroll: It was not logic, it was not the minds. It was not my specific to do list. It was my hearts, it was my heart. And one last thing I'll say is that most people ask me what the one thing you learned in spending time with this holiness. And this is a beautiful way to come to conclusion with all you writers.

[00:43:24] Molly Carroll: One thing I kept hearing over and over again is we are all connected, right? Like we're all connected. Your actions not only affect you, but affect other people. What you write and how you put your beauty out in the world could change someone's life or just could give them a great beach read, or could make them laugh or cry.

[00:43:49] Molly Carroll: So do not fall back. Do not fall back. We need you in the world. We need everyone that's listening to this podcast and that are writers. We need your muse. So yeah, that's my story of intuition. 

[00:44:02] Nicole Meier: I'm so happy that you share that, Molly. And yes, writing is connecting. We write to connect. And speaking of writing, speaking of sharing books, this is a perfect opportunity for you to share with the audience both of the titles of your books, and tell 'em which one that you wrote more about visiting with the Dalai Lama.

[00:44:20] Nicole Meier: So Molly, tell us your books. 

[00:44:22] Molly Carroll: My first book is called Cracking Open, and that's the same of my coaching program, my podcast, and it's an artistic journal for self-discovery. It's a journal and I self-published. So that was the whole thing. I wrote it, I painted it, I did everything on my own. That was a beautiful journey.

[00:44:37] Molly Carroll: And then my second book is called Trust Within, and I was published by Amazon and that was a whole journey. So, and my book about the di dilemma is interest within, it's about following your intuition. 

[00:44:49] Nicole Meier: I love it, Molly. Now tell everyone where they can find you, because I know I would encourage everyone if you resonate with what Molly says, I can tell you run.

[00:44:59] Nicole Meier: Don't walk to sign up to work with her. Listen to her podcast. So Molly, share all the things of how people can find you. 

[00:45:05] Molly Carroll: molly-carol.com is my website. Molly Carol Inc. Is my Instagram. My podcast is called Cracking Open with Molly Carroll, and it's all revolved around kind of the, my whole quote with crack Open is the Leonard Cohen lyric.

[00:45:19] Molly Carroll: When there are cracks, the light gets in. And so I totally believe in cracking open. It makes you more interesting, it makes you healthier, better relationships, better relationships to your kids, your loved ones, and then you find the light. So I ask everyone, what was your cracking open moment and how did it change you forever?

[00:45:37] Molly Carroll: I interview artists and athletes and teachers and therapists. And actors and designers. I just follow my intuition and so yeah, it's a beautiful place to land and I've been so fortunate and so lucky. I. To have this work and have Nicole as a friend. 

[00:45:57] Nicole Meier: Well, Molly, you know, I love you and listeners, I really encourage you.

[00:46:00] Nicole Meier: Her podcast is incredible. Her coaching program is just as incredible. And Molly, thank you so much for spending this time on the whole writer. I have loved it and I'm sure that listeners are going to be very eager to connect with you. Own 

[00:46:15] Molly Carroll: Well, thank you, Nicole. I'm so happy for you and how lucky I one it is to have you in their life too.

[00:46:20] Molly Carroll: So grateful to be. 

[00:46:22] Nicole Meier: Okay, everyone, thanks for tuning in today and we'll see you next time on the whole writer.

[00:46:31] Nicole Meier: If you want to check out my coaching programs for fiction writers, visit nicole meier.com. That's M-E-I-E-R. And if you like this episode, I'd love you to take a minute to leave a rating and review for this podcast. This will help more writers like you to discover the show. And to get going on their writing journey.

[00:46:52] Nicole Meier: Thanks so much for listening. Until next time, happy writing everyone.