65. Your Most Daring Act: Sharing Your Work with Tedd Hawks

Join me today as creative coach Tedd Hawks and I talk about why sharing your writing is so terrifying, the neurological reasons our brains resist putting our work out there, how to overcome the fear of rejection by reframing it as fear of regret, why the "lone genius" writer myth is harmful, and practical ways to find and build a supportive writing community that will help you grow as a writer.

Find more on Tedd Hawks here.

Find more on Nicole here.

Transcript

THE WHOLE WRITER EP 65 - Sharing Your Work with Tedd Hawks

[00:00:00] Tedd Hawks: Somewhere there's a person with a wound in the shape of your words. When even one person feels that way, you mean you get 501 star ratings, but one person is like, this changed my life. The resonance of it is just so profound, and to leave that mark and to have that connection with someone is just. Such a powerful part of being alive.

[00:00:18] Tedd Hawks: Really

[00:00:26] Nicole Meier: welcome to the whole writer. A place where we talk about what it means to show up as a writer, not just a better writer or a more productive writer, or a published writer, but a whole one. Someone who's grounded in their voice, in their community, in their creative path, even when the world tells them to hustle, compare, or conform.

[00:00:47] Nicole Meier: I'm Nicole Meier, a multi published author and book coach who believes that nurturing the person behind the page is just as important as refining the words on it. Each week we'll explore the terrain of riding life with honesty, warmth, and practical wisdom, creating space for you to write from a place of wholeness rather than depletion.

[00:01:07] Nicole Meier: Whether you're drafting your first manuscript or publishing your fifth book, you'll find conversation and companionship for the journey here. So settle in, bring your questions and your curiosity, and let's discover what it means to write and live with authenticity and purpose. Hello and welcome back to the whole writer, everyone today.

[00:01:31] Nicole Meier: I'm so pleased to have my special guest today, Ted Hawks. Ted is a writer, teacher and creative coach from Chicago. His writing works spans L-G-B-T-Q, literary Fiction, YA Murder, mystery and Science Fiction. Passionate about fostering creativity. He strives to help others unleash their imaginative potential and confidently tell their authentic stories.

[00:01:54] Nicole Meier: Welcome Ted. 

[00:01:55] Tedd Hawks: Thanks so much, Nicole. It's just such an honor to be here. Appreciate it. 

[00:01:58] Nicole Meier: I'm so happy to see your face. We, for those listening, we have known each other because we came up through the same certification program and we met a while back. Do you remember that? 

[00:02:09] Tedd Hawks: Oh, yeah. Nicole, I remember it was the little, uh, breakout room and we got to chat and connect and it's so cool to see how far you've come and the whole writer.

[00:02:16] Tedd Hawks: It's been so awesome to watch your journey. 

[00:02:18] Nicole Meier: Thank you. Well, same with you, and we're gonna get all into that, but because a lot of my audience probably has not had the chance to meet you yet, I would love for you to talk a little bit about your fun bio that I just read. So you are all things Ted. You're a writer, you're a teacher, you're a creativity coach.

[00:02:33] Nicole Meier: Can you kind of talk about how you arrived at where you are now? 

[00:02:37] Tedd Hawks: Yeah, absolutely. So I've always been a writer. You probably can connect Nicole, like since I was six years old, I was writing stories and drawing pictures and it just was a natural part of my life and how I grew up. And after I went to undergrad Notre Dame, I went and taught abroad and I was just thinking, and I was like, you know what?

[00:02:53] Tedd Hawks: I really wanna pursue writing even further. So I went into an MFA program and uh, got my MFA and was really into writing. And actually some of what we're gonna talk about is. The trauma of the MFA and how it sort of like halted my sharing and my growth as a writer in some ways. But once I got outta that, I was kind of stilted and I didn't know what to do.

[00:03:12] Tedd Hawks: So I continued writing and then the pandemic hit, and I think we all had those moments of reevaluation about what we wanted to do and how we wanted to connect people. And I found book coaching and it was such a cool opportunity and I've loved being a developmental editor. I've loved my clients and helping people really get their books out there in the world.

[00:03:31] Tedd Hawks: And then that's evolved into beyond that, just creativity, like helping people really connect to the stories they wanna share and how they want to show up in the world creatively. 

[00:03:39] Nicole Meier: Yeah, and that's what I love about your energy, Ted, is that you do really encourage all kinds of creatives to settle into who they are, their identity as a creative, as a writer, voice, as a creative voice.

[00:03:51] Nicole Meier: And I can see that in all your social media and the way you reach out to people. So this is what sparks my excitement about you being here, is because you just seem like the person who is ready to help someone else's light shine. And that feels like your superpower. 

[00:04:05] Tedd Hawks: Oh, well thank you. That's, that's so thoughtful.

[00:04:08] Tedd Hawks: Thanks. Tickle. But yeah, absolutely. My mantra is everyone is creative and I will die on that hill. So yes, I love to help people connect. 

[00:04:15] Nicole Meier: Okay, so listeners, today, Ted and I are going to talk about something that I think is close to both of our hearts, and that is what we're calling the most Daring Creative Act, and that is sharing your writing work.

[00:04:27] Nicole Meier: So let's really dig into this Ted. The first thing I wanna talk about with you is the difficulty that creatives have of sharing their work. There's so much resistance out there. You and I both know this 'cause we're both writers, but why do you think it comes to so much resistance, even in safe, creative spaces?

[00:04:46] Tedd Hawks: Nicole, what's really fascinating because we are actually hardwired to resist the urge to share. Our brains have that fight or flight stimulus. So putting ourselves out there takes all that courage. But one of the larger things is we think about that individualist decision, my choice to share and how that affects me.

[00:05:04] Tedd Hawks: But a lot of what we're processing is actually our social situation. I was reading the Talent Code by Daniel Coyle. This was an absolutely wild statistic. He said in one second, your conscious brain can process 40 bits of information. Guess how much your subconscious brain processes? 

[00:05:21] Nicole Meier: Nicole? I'm scared to ask.

[00:05:23] Tedd Hawks: It's 11 million. So your subconscious brain is making all these decisions and running all these programs, whether it's breathing, thinking, your muscle movement, all that stuff. But along with that is the assessment of your social situation, of the fears in your circle. So even if you're consciously trying to get through those blocks and trying to share and be a part of a community, our resistance is so subconscious.

[00:05:47] Tedd Hawks: In some work I've read, they say to name your subconscious, that thing that's fighting you to get out there, to share, to connect, which I think is a fun way to approach it too. You know, like. Just say, Hey Paul, I know you're trying to protect me. I know you're trying to make sure I fit in socially and I'm not going above the crowd, but I want to share this.

[00:06:05] Tedd Hawks: I want my voice to be heard and I think I can contribute to the group rather than resisting it. So it's really a fascinating neurological situation when you're talking about sharing. So to honor that and that it's trying to keep you safe, but also move past it, I think is a really delicate balance. And it's a struggle that we humans have as just animals.

[00:06:23] Nicole Meier: Yeah. Wow. Okay. First things first. My mind is really blown by that scientific fact that you just gave about the subconscious. I had no idea, and I'm sure that this is going to percolate, and later on I'm gonna really be spinning out, thinking about what else is my subconscious doing right now? Yes. 

[00:06:40] Tedd Hawks: Well, Nicole, what's really cool, please read the book Incognito.

[00:06:43] Tedd Hawks: It's about all of the stuff your brain's doing in the subconscious level, and it really opened your eyes to like the author posits. He's like, maybe we aren't in control of our fate. It's just our unconscious brain running things in the show. So it's really fascinating. So you have a whole programming system going on in the back, so you're fighting a lot when you're trying to make those big decisions like sharing and communicating your voice.

[00:07:02] Nicole Meier: Wow. Okay. So that really helps me. Now tell me about really identifying and naming your subconscious, which is fear. You know, we've talked about this in different parts of riding, that the fear is there. A lot of times it's good to acknowledge it. I always say, let it ride with you along in the car. I got that from Elizabeth Gilbert when she says, let fear ride along, but don't let them take control.

[00:07:23] Nicole Meier: So you kind of joked around that, oh, I'm gonna name my subconscious fear of Paul, but does naming it sort of soften its power? 

[00:07:31] Tedd Hawks: Yeah, it does soften its power. There's actually some mindset shifts I think you can take as well. One is just acknowledging, I think just having an awareness that your subconscious is processing and it's keeping you both physically safe and socially safe is really important.

[00:07:46] Tedd Hawks: I think it's also important in that conversation to call out that. The physical and social pain actually operate in the same center in your brain. So shame and the resistance you have in those fears of sharing and putting yourself out there, they're processing the same spaces, you know, getting burned on a stove.

[00:08:03] Tedd Hawks: It's all cognitively the same. So you're right to be afraid of it. But you's a couple cool mindset shifts I think you can take, I can help this. And one is just thinking about the power of your sharing. Putting your voice out there and how it can connect to others is just so powerful. When I wrote my first book, I self-published it, put it out there, and I was so afraid of sharing.

[00:08:26] Tedd Hawks: I was putting stuff together for table tint to sell it, and I actually had my friend look up the reviews. Oh my gosh. That's where I'm at, Nicole. So this is very, this is a very hot topic for myself as well, but I had him look up reviews and he sent me 10 really good ones. And it was just so powerful to see that, like it wasn't a best seller.

[00:08:44] Tedd Hawks: It didn't. Make huge waves. It wasn't on the New York Times list, but the power of just connecting to people and seeing them say like, this book helped me on my journey of coming out, or this inspired me in some ways to have that impact on a person, like even one person is just so powerful. So that's one.

[00:09:00] Tedd Hawks: And another is actually just thinking about shifting the conversation about fear of rejection to a fear of regret. One anecdote I really love is, I mean, you know, whatever you think of Jeff Bezos, but when he was going to launch Amazon, he said he's like, part of what he thought of is like when I'm 90 years old and I think back to this moment, am I going to be proud that I stepped back, that I hid my power, that I didn't share my idea and my voice, or will I really regret it as one of my main regrets as a 90-year-old person that I didn't take this chance to share that?

[00:09:33] Tedd Hawks: And I think reframing that is a really powerful way to do that as well. And then lastly, I just read an amazing book called Tiny Experiments. Have you read this one? No, 

[00:09:45] Nicole Meier: I haven't. You're giving me a lot of good titles to talk out. 

[00:09:48] Tedd Hawks: Yes. That's where I get all my ideas, but Tiny Experiments is this brilliant book.

[00:09:52] Tedd Hawks: And she's saying, we have this culture of perfection and everything has to be fully baked and perfected. And she's saying what you really need to do is iterate and really need to try new things. Really get that feedback, be open to sharing, connecting. And that's once again, just back to that sharing thing.

[00:10:08] Tedd Hawks: If you share, you get that feedback. Even if it's a worst case scenario where someone says, this is the worst thing I've ever read, that's great data. You can say, oh, okay, it's streaming up. Read. I need to do some work. What classes can I take? What mentors can I find? What reading can I do to help me improve this?

[00:10:23] Tedd Hawks: So even just like those small iterations can help further you so much more. So taking that first step is really crucial. There's another quote I wanna share, and I'm paraphrasing, but it's from James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, and he says, somewhere there's a person with a wound in the shape of your words.

[00:10:39] Tedd Hawks: And step out, right? Yeah, that quote, it just hit so hard, but just the fact that you can share with one person and make that connection is worth every fear you could overcome in the process. Two, to recenter things as regret over fear or rejection. And three is thinking of it as creative iteration rather than just perfection.

[00:10:59] Tedd Hawks: You can have fun in the mess in the cycle and get feedback and share, and that will only make it better. 

[00:11:04] Nicole Meier: Three really strong but accessible things that a writer could do. So let's take you as an example. When we go back to when you wrote your debut and you put it out there and your dear friend read, I love that you had a friend that read the views for you.

[00:11:19] Tedd Hawks: I was so afraid, 

[00:11:20] Nicole Meier: and you self-published, you had the table tents, you were already to sell. Looking back on yourself then, did you tap into any of those three things yet or were these things that you learned over time? 

[00:11:32] Tedd Hawks: The impact piece didn't hit me until later when I started to read the reviews and figure out how the book connected to folks.

[00:11:38] Tedd Hawks: And I think the iteration versus perfection was really profound because when I published my debut on Amazon in 2014, my friend in my MFA program literally said to me, that's social suicide. Like he basically saying that like it was the worst thing you could do as a writer is to share in that way. But it was a new frontier at the time, right?

[00:11:59] Tedd Hawks: Yes. And it was, um, this new space and I wanted to explore it and I'd actually gotten really wonderful rejections from agents and I thought, you know what? It might not be the time, it might not be for a publishing house, but I think this work needs to be out there and I'll see what's out there and seeing if it can connect.

[00:12:15] Tedd Hawks: So those two, I really felt like. Yeah, taking a chance on the new form, like now of course, self-publishing is the part of the publishing landscape. Back then it was kind of like a bold move. I guess 

[00:12:25] Nicole Meier: there was a stigma back then, but that stigma is totally different now, and I believe that more and more people are gonna go towards self-publishing because everyone wants to take their own creative endeavors into their own hands.

[00:12:36] Nicole Meier: Oh gosh. I just love that Ted, I mean, just thinking about your earlier self writing that book and getting nice rejections, which to anyone who hasn't queried agents yet usually get no feedback at all. Or you get a, a sort of a boilerplate rejection. So for you to have sort of nice passes was great feedback.

[00:12:54] Nicole Meier: And then just your inner self said, look, this needs to be out there. I'm not sure how it's gonna go. You did it. And that makes me smile because I want so many writers to really listen to this and think, if that's me, would I regret looking back years from now for not taking that chance? Now of course we don't wanna put stuff out there that's half baked if we haven't edited.

[00:13:16] Nicole Meier: We haven't, hundred always it. But you really had this message to share, and I know your instinct, your intuition was saying, this is the time, no matter the outcome. And look at, you've got people that your work resonated with them. So I love that. 

[00:13:29] Tedd Hawks: Yeah, it was a cool journey. It was a lot of fun. And part of too, like just sort of my ignorance in the platform, my book actually did really well on Amazon and I had no idea.

[00:13:37] Tedd Hawks: I was like, oh, I mean, you know, it's fun. It was so, yeah. You never know where you're gonna find. 

[00:13:42] Nicole Meier: Yeah, really great. Okay. You've touched on this twice, so I'm gonna ask you, let's talk about your MFA experience. You've mentioned earlier that there was something about that program that shaped your understanding of rejection.

[00:13:55] Nicole Meier: So we've kind of talked about you in the querying phase and sort of putting yourself out there for readers to leave reviews. But let's really go back to even before that happened when you did go get your MFA. 

[00:14:06] Tedd Hawks: It was a really interesting experience because one, I entered very naive. I was 25 when I started my MFA program.

[00:14:12] Tedd Hawks: And I thought of that, it was just gonna be this like wonderful Arcadian gathering of minds and you share your work and build on it. And what I found is that a lot of rejection, a lot of criticism was personal and unrelated to the work. And I took it very personally at the time. I had one. One in one of the wildest classroom moments of my life, I had a teacher call me a coward.

[00:14:36] Tedd Hawks: Not about my work, but just like about an idea because I did move to New York instead of Chicago after graduation. Oh, wow. I wrote a genre piece and the professor said, I do. I have nothing to say about genre. 

[00:14:49] Nicole Meier: Yeah, they don't like commercial fiction. 

[00:14:51] Tedd Hawks: They don't? Nope. No, it's not like murder mysteries. I think one of the deepest wounds was I wrote some L-G-B-T-Q fiction, including some of my debut.

[00:15:00] Tedd Hawks: And the collective voice inside the room was, we don't need these stories. Gay people are fine. This isn't something that should be out there. Now, I'm much older and wiser now, but at the time I, I took it very harshly, which is again, what precipitated the self-publishing is 'cause I had found that. So when I came outta the MFA, I had taken these criticisms and I had my writer identity, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to be a part of the community anymore because it had been so tough.

[00:15:27] Tedd Hawks: That's not to say there weren't wonderful parts of the program and wonderful teachers, but I internalized a lot of the negative, once again through youth and not having a full understanding of who I was at the time. So for like five to 10 years, I wrote alone, very minimal feedback from people, and now I just think about how much I lost as a writer.

[00:15:47] Tedd Hawks: I didn't get feedback. I didn't get to share. I didn't get the support of a community. I didn't get to hear diverse voices. I didn't open myself up to new experiences and to growth. So. It's one thing I really regret and if you watch my like creativity tiktoks or read a lot of my blog work, I'd really, really hit on sharing because I think it's just such an important part of the creative process and so vital to life as a creative, we have the myth of the lone genius, but that's just so wildly wrong.

[00:16:13] Tedd Hawks: And I hope if there's nothing people take away from this, it's that that is total bunk. 

[00:16:17] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:16:18] Tedd Hawks: That the writer cannot exist without the support of a community behind them. 

[00:16:21] Nicole Meier: Yeah. I do think that working in a silo is very archaic. It's an archaic way of looking at all artists because we need that artist community.

[00:16:29] Nicole Meier: Just think if you had like-minded writer friends back then, but what I love about what you said, and we have this in common, is that we are both serving our younger selves. So I am a coach because I desperately needed someone to walk alongside me when I was starting to write novels, and it feels like you are out there really championing other creatives because you probably needed that when you were coming outta that MFA program.

[00:16:55] Tedd Hawks: Oh, Nicole nailed it. Yeah, absolutely. There's nothing more I love than getting an email from a young writer and just being like, yeah, you could do it. I don't care what you're doing, but you can do it. Like just jumping in. I mean, yes, exactly. Helping folks see their own power is something that it took me a long time to get to.

[00:17:10] Nicole Meier: Yeah. Okay. Well this actually transitions into another thing I wanna talk to you about is that subject of vulnerability. So when you went through the MFA program, you really sort of faced some feedback that didn't seem like it was necessarily tied to the work, but I've got to believe that shut down your willingness to be vulnerable.

[00:17:27] Nicole Meier: But we know being writers, we need to bring our vulnerability to the page. So I'm curious how you allowed yourself to not shut that vulnerability away and to revisit it and let it come to you when you wrote, 'cause you have multiple books out there. 

[00:17:44] Tedd Hawks: Oh wow. That's a really powerful question. I think one of the really paradoxical things is my most vulnerable work is that debut novel, ironically.

[00:17:53] Tedd Hawks: So that's, I think that's why those wounds were so fresh from the program and the feedback I got on it. Yeah, I, I got kind of mired in the work I did when I was alone and siloed was pensive and naval gazing and it wasn't rich because I think you are right. I was like, had those walls up about how I wanted to be perceived as a writer rather than what I wanted to write, if that makes sense.

[00:18:15] Tedd Hawks: So once I came out of that period and started doing my murdered mystery series, I think the genre piece. Weirdly, once again, my subconscious processing it said, this is a genre piece. It can connect more easily to folks. And that's when I started openly sharing with people and bringing people into my process and beta readers and friends and people who I hadn't really opened up to about my writing.

[00:18:37] Tedd Hawks: So I think I had to kind of trick myself and what I chose to write to be able to connect with people. But yeah, it was definitely a journey and it's still something I'm working on, I think. 

[00:18:48] Nicole Meier: Yeah, it ebbs and flows, doesn't it? I mean, I can relate to that as a writer myself. You have these times where you're like, let everybody see all the parts, and I wanna share all of my work and all the motivation behind it.

[00:18:59] Nicole Meier: And then there are parts that we kind of really, not recoil, but sort of dial it way back. So we don't share that vulnerability because. We still aren't sure as many books as we have out there, and I know this goes for almost every writer I've ever met. It doesn't matter how many times you're published, we still have that part of us that feels like, oh, it's scary to be vulnerable.

[00:19:20] Tedd Hawks: Yeah, a hundred percent. And I don't know about Uni Nicole two, but I also just feel vulnerable about my process as well, because I've written five books and I have no idea what I'm doing. Like every time I sit down to write a book, it's like a brand new, you know, whale to chase my movie Dick. But yeah, it's really tough, but it's so rewarding when you do share.

[00:19:40] Tedd Hawks: I think that's something that is worth the pain. 

[00:19:44] Nicole Meier: It's worth it when you get the letters. You got feedback from readers, you got reviews. And that's worth it. That let you know, okay, I connected. And that's what we want. That's why we write. Writing is all about connecting and it's about understanding humanity and someone saying, I feel seen in your work.

[00:20:01] Nicole Meier: I feel like someone heard me. I feel like someone saw me, and that really is worth everything. 

[00:20:08] Tedd Hawks: Oh yeah, it's the most powerful part. And like I said with my debut book, when even one person feels that way, I mean, you get 501 star ratings, but one person is like, this changed my life. The resonance of it is just so profound, and to leave that mark and to have that connection with someone is just such a powerful part of being alive.

[00:20:26] Tedd Hawks: Really. 

[00:20:27] Nicole Meier: Yeah. Okay, so I have a question because I work with a lot of writers who do write genre fiction. I know personally as a coach that they're going through all this stuff on the sidelines, but they're writing like a thriller that has nothing to do with any of their personal insights, and they would say that's great and all about being vulnerable and sharing the work and showing up as myself.

[00:20:46] Nicole Meier: But what if I'm really writing something that's so different from my life? What would you say to them about. There are ways to still share your work and share who you are, even if it's something wildly different from your personal experience. 

[00:21:00] Tedd Hawks: Well, first of all, I'd say that no matter how bonkers the thing you're writing is or what genre or where you're going with it is, it's all about character.

[00:21:08] Tedd Hawks: And people respond to characters who are real and have real feelings and real thoughts, and real hopes and real dreams, and that's all vulnerable stuff that you can share through your characters. So I think if you're hiding some of that or your characters go to that extra depth, that's something to think about as well.

[00:21:25] Tedd Hawks: But two, I think there's so much power in every genre and what it elicits, you know, whether it's romance, whether it's thriller, and the excitement it invokes, or humor and letting people kind of relax and find connection through laughter. Every genre has a unique way of connecting with people, and it's through the characters and their vulnerability that it really does.

[00:21:43] Tedd Hawks: So I think that's a way to think about it. When I'm on the page, I always think about, are these characters real? Is there something to connect to that people will relate to? Will people feel like they're seen and heard? Even if I'm writing about, you know, like a, I have a sci-fi book about a nail salon technician who fights space aliens, and the whole time I was thinking, you know, like, is this character real?

[00:22:04] Tedd Hawks: Can someone see themselves? Can they laugh at this? So I think finding those connections points is really critical. 

[00:22:10] Nicole Meier: Yeah. I love that you said all of that feels like a good permission slip to every writer out there who says, well, I'm not trying to. Solve world peace or anything like that with my fun sci-fi horror, whatever it is.

[00:22:21] Nicole Meier: But you are saying something about human nature. You are connecting through your protagonist, and I love what you said because it does feel like you are reminding the writer that they have something more to say than just an entertaining story. They are definitely speaking about their view, their specific authentic lens on the world.

[00:22:41] Tedd Hawks: Oh yeah, that's a great way to put it. That's exactly it. No matter what you're sharing, it's your unique perspective. No one could share it but you so share it and be vulnerable. 

[00:22:49] Nicole Meier: I love that. Okay, so we've talked a lot about sharing, and I'm sure some of the listeners are saying that's great and all, but I don't even have a writer friend.

[00:22:56] Nicole Meier: I don't have a community. So can you kind of encourage and explain ways that someone working alone in a bubble might be able to start finding the right community, the right people, finding ways to share? What would you recommend? 

[00:23:10] Tedd Hawks: It's that like really weird flywheel situation where you find that the more you share, and this could be at work, it could be with your friends group.

[00:23:20] Tedd Hawks: 'cause you might have a friend who's writing a book, but if you've never shared with them that you're a writer and you're writing, you might not make that connection. Also from the Daniel Coyle book, the Talent Code, wanna talk about the subconscious processing. One of the case studies he does is the Bronte sisters.

[00:23:34] Tedd Hawks: He talks about, the myth is that they were just sort of these brilliant women who grew up together and they had a strong father figure, and they were just these artists that flourished in this arid desert. But his counterpoint is. These were three creative, curious girls, and they were constantly writing together, constantly getting feedback, challenging each other, and it's just how three women isolated, but together, creating this community made some of the greatest books of English literature.

[00:24:00] Tedd Hawks: So don't think that just because it's you and your friend who get together and get coffee and chat, if you both have the common interests. Both can connect and both can help make each other's writing better. That is so powerful. I think so many times we default to online and your Substack and your Instagram and how many followers, but.

[00:24:16] Tedd Hawks: Just a small local community can be so powerful. So I would say one, share as much as you can with as many folks as you can and see why you can create those connections. And then don't think that just a small group is a problem that can work. Some of the greatest minds come together and the great creative stuff can come out of it.

[00:24:33] Nicole Meier: I love a small group. Yeah. Yeah. When I was writing my first two books, I was in a group of three and I was the third. One was a memoir writer, one was a travel writer, and then there was me, a fiction writer, and we didn't necessarily share our work, but we got together once a month for coffee and we were support.

[00:24:55] Nicole Meier: We talked about what was going on in the industry. We talked about how hard it was at different points in our manuscript. We talked about. How in the heck are we gonna get published? And that was magical. Nowadays I kind of meet with other writers or we do share work, but back then that's all I needed.

[00:25:10] Nicole Meier: And that felt like enough of a share, even if we weren't ready to share actual manuscript pages. It was magical. I. 

[00:25:18] Tedd Hawks: Oh, that's so cool. 

[00:25:19] Nicole Meier: Yeah. 

[00:25:19] Tedd Hawks: Yeah. I have my writer friends. I text, I have my really good friend from college. We share stuff all the time. But those small communities are just so wonderful. 

[00:25:26] Nicole Meier: Yeah.

[00:25:27] Nicole Meier: And you can honestly meet them if you go to an author event at the library. Or you can Yes, go to a writing festival or a book festival anywhere in writers, in my experience, and probably in yours too, they're not gonna turn you away if you say, Hey, do you wanna exchange information or. I see we live in the same town.

[00:25:43] Nicole Meier: Would you ever wanna get a cup of coffee? I've never met a writer that says, no, I have no time for that. You know? 

[00:25:48] Tedd Hawks: Oh yeah. Yeah. And that's the vulnerability piece too. Like even if they do, don't take it personally and maybe ask them to connect you to someone who would have time. So always think creatively about how you can connect.

[00:25:58] Tedd Hawks: And a closed door isn't, you know, it's an open window, so maybe someone can meet with you, but maybe they know someone who can or can connect you to a book or a piece that opens things up. So. Be open, be vulnerable, and connect with as many people as you can. 'cause your community builds so quickly just by doing those simple things.

[00:26:16] Nicole Meier: Yes, and follow your gut. I'm sure you've had this too, but I definitely in my early days would sometimes line up with a critique group or so and say, oh, they don't quite feel like my people, or this person feels slightly competitive to me, so let's maybe keep moving on or keep iterating that group. So I would just say, listen to your own instinct on that.

[00:26:34] Nicole Meier: Wouldn't you agree? 

[00:26:36] Tedd Hawks: Oh yeah. That's an amazing point, Nicole, too. Yeah. It gets to the point where you're in a group and you feel like the critiques aren't about the, they aren't about helping you get better, but are competitive or are personal. Yeah. Walk away. Don't be afraid to walk away from groups that are toxic as well.

[00:26:51] Tedd Hawks: It's a really important part of it too. 

[00:26:53] Nicole Meier: Yeah. Okay, so let's turn around to a happy note now that we talked about a little bit of toxic stuff. I want writers to know how they can find you and the ways you work with them, because. I love the idea of a creativity coach. I am such a fan of someone who can walk alongside anyone when they're doing a creative endeavor.

[00:27:14] Nicole Meier: So first, talk about what you do in your job and then ways that writers can work with you. 

[00:27:19] Tedd Hawks: Yeah, absolutely. So I am a book coach and then creative coach. So if you need book coaching, I really focus on L-G-B-T-Q Fiction Mystery Thriller on the genre side. So you can find my old book coaching section on my website, TEDS.

[00:27:33] Tedd Hawks: On the creative side, I have a TikTok channel, creativity with Ted, and that's if you're just like dabbling in creativity. If you're just trying things out, I have a bunch of creative tips and exercises for you to go through, kind of play and then get your creative wheels working again. But I also do some creative coaching as well.

[00:27:52] Tedd Hawks: So creativity with ted.com, you can see some of my packages there for groups or for individuals. I do a creative questionnaire that you can do and fill out yourself, and then we can consult on it. So yeah, many ways to get in touch with me, always down, and as we just talked about, I'm a writer, so yeah, absolutely would always love a cup of coffee as well.

[00:28:08] Tedd Hawks: So yeah, you can find me online, ted hoks.com or at creativity with Ted on TikTok. 

[00:28:13] Nicole Meier: I love it. Well, we will all be looking at your TikTok and watching when your books come out too, but also writers, I really encourage you, no matter what phase of the book writing stage you're in, to reach out to Ted if what he said resonates with you, because he's amazing.

[00:28:28] Nicole Meier: And like I said, if you wanna cheerleader, if you want someone to help you with your story, he's definitely a fabulous resource. So thank you so much for being with us today, Ted. 

[00:28:38] Tedd Hawks: Oh my gosh, Nicole, this is a blast. Thanks for the great conversation and the great questions. It was so much fun. 

[00:28:43] Nicole Meier: Loved it. Okay everyone, thanks for tuning in.

[00:28:46] Nicole Meier: I will see you next time on the whole writer.

[00:28:53] Nicole Meier: If you want to check out my coaching programs for fiction writers. Visit Nicolemeier.com. That's M-E-I-E-R. And if you like this episode, I'd love you to take a minute to leave a rating and review for this podcast. This will help more writers like you to discover the show and to get going on their writing journey.

[00:29:14] Nicole Meier: Thanks so much for listening. Until next time, happy writing everyone.