106. Why You Feel Behind on Your Book (And What to Do Instead)

If you're writing a novel or memoir and you can't shake the feeling that you're somehow running out of time — this episode is for you.

In today's episode, I'm talking about one of the most common and most painful stories writers carry: the belief that the book should already be done, that you're behind, that everyone else is further along. And I want to challenge that story directly.

Because here's what I've come to believe after years of writing and working with writers: writing a book is not a single event. It's a practice. And when you start treating it like one — when you bring long-game thinking to your creative life — something genuinely shifts.

In this episode, I share:

• Why treating your book like a finish line is keeping you stuck
• The one question that changes how you approach your manuscript every day
• What it actually means to build a sustainable writing practice
• How to get unstuck when your draft isn't working the way you hoped
• Why the writers who finish books they're proud of are the ones who stopped rushing and started tending

Whether you're working on your first novel, somewhere in the middle of a memoir, or trying to restart a writing practice that's gone quiet — this one's for you.

🎙️ Find more at NicoleMeier.com

🎙️ Connect with Nicole on Substack

Transcript

THE WHOLE WRITER EP 106 - Writing is a Practice

[00:00:00] Nicole Meier: Writing a book is not a single event. It's a practice. Think about what it means to have a practice in any other context. A yoga practice, a meditation practice, a therapy practice. Nobody sits down on their yoga mat and thinks, why haven't I achieved yoga? Yet? We understand intuitively in those contexts that the point isn't to finish.

[00:00:23] Nicole Meier: The point is to return, to show up, to keep going even when it's uncomfortable. To let it change you slowly over time in ways you can't always measure. But with writing, we forget all of that. We want the book to be done. We want proof that it's working. We want the outcome to tell us that the process was worth it.

[00:00:46] Nicole Meier: And what that does is it pulls us out of the work before we've let the work do what it really needs to do.

[00:01:01] Nicole Meier: Welcome to the whole writer, a place where we talk about what it means to show up as someone who's grounded in their voice, in their community, and in their creative path. Even when the world tells them to hustle, compare, or conform. I'm Nicole Meier, a multi published author and book coach who believes that nurturing the person behind the page is just as important as refining the words on it.

[00:01:26] Nicole Meier: In each episode, we'll explore the terrain of writing life with honesty, warmth, and practical wisdom, creating space for you to write from a place of wholeness rather than depletion. Whether you're drafting your first manuscript or publishing your fifth book, you'll find conversation and companionship for the journey here.

[00:01:48] Nicole Meier: So settle in, bring your questions and your curiosity, and let's discover together what it means to write and live with authenticity and purpose.

[00:02:01] Nicole Meier: Hi writers, welcome back to a solo episode with me here on the whole writer. I'm so glad that you're joining me today. So I wanted to share a little something that happened recently. It happened over on Substack. So I recently posted a note, and if you're not familiar, notes are kind of like short form off the cuff side of Substack, more conversational than a full essay.

[00:02:24] Nicole Meier: And this particular one really seemed to land the engagement. It got let me know that it struck a chord with how writers are feeling about their works in progress right now. So here's what I wrote. Writing a book is not a single event. It's a practice. And when you start treating it as one, when you bring the kind of long game thinking to your creative life that you'd bring to anything that truly matters, something begins to shift.

[00:02:50] Nicole Meier: You stop asking, why isn't this done yet? And start asking, what does this need? And that was it. And the number of writers who reached out to share their personal experiences told me something. It told me this isn't just something they needed to hear. It's something that a lot of us are quietly carrying.

[00:03:10] Nicole Meier: So today's episode is my attempt to go deeper, to actually sit with that idea and turn it over, look at it from all sides, and talk about what it really means to treat your writing life as a practice, not just as a concept, but as something you actually live inside every day. Because I think when we say the word practice and then keep behaving, like we don't actually believe it, that's a problem.

[00:03:37] Nicole Meier: So let's look at that. Let's talk about it today. Alright. There was a specific season in my writing life. A long one actually, when I was chasing the finish line so hard, I couldn't actually feel what I was writing anymore. I was tracking word counts obsessively. I had a launch date in my head before the manuscript even had a proper second act.

[00:04:00] Nicole Meier: And every day I sat down to write, there was this low hum of anxiety underneath everything, like I was already behind even when I was right on schedule. And the thing is, from the outside, it probably looked like discipline. It probably looked like commitment, but on the inside it felt more like survival mode.

[00:04:20] Nicole Meier: What I was doing was treating the book like a single event. Like there was this finish line and once I crossed it, I could exhale. Once it was done, I could rest. Once it was published, I could feel like a real writer. I think a lot of us are living inside that same story right now. Here's the reframe that took me honestly years to really absorb.

[00:04:44] Nicole Meier: Writing a book is not a single event, it's a practice. Think about what it means to have a practice in any other context. A yoga practice, a meditation practice, a therapy practice, even. Nobody sits down on their yoga mat and thinks, why haven't I achieved yoga yet? Nobody quits meditating after three sessions.

[00:05:05] Nicole Meier: Well, maybe some people do, but not because they haven't reached enlightenment. Right. We understand intuitively in those contexts that the point isn't to finish. The point is to return, to show up, to keep going even when it's uncomfortable. To let it change you slowly over time in ways you can't always measure.

[00:05:28] Nicole Meier: But with writing, we forget all of that. We want the book to be done. We want proof that it's working. We want the outcome to tell us that the process was worth it. And what that does, what it really does is it pulls us out of the work before we've let the work do what it really needs to do. When I started treating my writing life as a practice, genuinely, not just intellectually, something changed in the texture of my days, I stopped measuring success by how many pages I wrote, and I started measuring it by whether I showed up with honesty.

[00:06:05] Nicole Meier: Did I sit down? Did I stay in the discomfort of a hard chapter? Instead of skipping ahead, did I read something that day that fed my creative self? Did I tend to this thing I care about? Those feel like smaller metrics, but they compound. Long game thinking doesn't mean you stop caring about the book getting finished.

[00:06:27] Nicole Meier: It really doesn't. Of course you wanna finish it, of course you wanna hold it in your hands, see it on a shelf, know that someone read it and felt something because of it. But long game thinking means you stop making the book's completion, the condition for your own worth as a writer. I'm gonna say that again because it's important.

[00:06:48] Nicole Meier: Long game thinking means you stop making the book's completion, the condition for your own worth. As a writer, it means you start bringing the same seriousness and care to your process that you want the outcome to reflect. And here's what's interesting. When you do that, the work actually gets better because you stop rushing past the parts that are hard.

[00:07:12] Nicole Meier: You stop skimming the surface of a scene that deserves more. You start asking, and this question is, what changed everything for me? What does this need? Not when will it be done, but what does it need? Those two questions lead you to completely different places. When will this be done? Leads you to shortcuts.

[00:07:34] Nicole Meier: It leads you to quote good enough. It leads you to submit before you're ready. Oh boy. How many of us have done that? Or on the other hand to abandon a draft because it didn't come as quickly as you hoped. Alright, and then what does this need lead you inward? It leads you to the real problem in your second act.

[00:07:56] Nicole Meier: It leads you to the character motivation you glossed over. It leads you to the emotional truth. You were maybe a little too afraid to write. I've started thinking of what does this need as a kind of compass. Not as a task on a to-do list, but an orientation, a way of entering the work each day with openness instead of urgency.

[00:08:19] Nicole Meier: It's a question that requires you to be honest. It asks you to set aside what you want the draft to be and look clearly at what it actually is. And that honesty, that willingness to see clearly is I think the real mark of a writer who's in it for the long haul. All right. I wanna speak directly now to anyone who's listening and feeling like they're running out of time.

[00:08:44] Nicole Meier: Maybe your book has taken longer than you planned. Maybe you've restarted or set it aside, or you've gotten feedback that sent you back to the beginning. Maybe you look at other writers and feel like everyone else is so much further along and you're somehow doing this wrong. I want you to hear this. You are not behind.

[00:09:05] Nicole Meier: You cannot be behind on a practice. A practice doesn't have a finish line. A practice has direction. The question isn't whether you're moving fast enough. The question is whether you're moving, honestly, whether you're staying in the work, whether you're letting it ask things of you, and then rising to meet what it asks.

[00:09:27] Nicole Meier: That kind of work takes as long as it takes. And the writers I've seen that do this well, the ones who write books, they're genuinely proud of books that resonate, books that last, they're almost always the ones who stopped racing and started tending. They showed up, they revised, they stayed. Not because it was easy, but because they've made that commitment, that quiet commitment to the work, to themselves as a writer.

[00:09:53] Nicole Meier: And that was bigger than any single deadline. So here's what I wanna leave you with today. If you're in the middle of a draft that's taking longer than you expected, ask what does it need? If you're stuck and not sure how to move forward, just ask, what does this need? If you're feeling pressure to rush or wrap up or get it done, pause, ask the question and then trust what shows up.

[00:10:19] Nicole Meier: Because here's what I believe, when you bring long game thinking to your creative life. When you treat writing as a practice instead of a finish line, something begins to shift. When you stop waiting to feel like a writer until the book is done, you start becoming one right now in the day-to-day act of returning.

[00:10:40] Nicole Meier: That's where the real books are made, not in a single event, but in the slow, faithful accumulation of days. Writers, thank you so much for spending this time with me. If this episode resonates with you, if this brought something up of a spark of inspiration or a feeling of motivation for your work, please let me know.

[00:10:59] Nicole Meier: Find me on substack, leave a review, send me an email. Reach out via my website. I am here and I love hearing from writers. Until next time, everyone take good care of yourself and of the writing. I'll see you next time on the whole writer.

[00:11:21] Nicole Meier: If you want to check out my coaching programs for fiction writers. Visit Nicolemeier.com. That's M-E-I-E-R. And if you like this episode, I'd love you to take a minute to leave a rating and review for this podcast. This will help more writers like you to discover the show and to get going on their writing journey.

[00:11:41] Nicole Meier: Thanks so much for listening. Until next time, happy riding everyone.