OYSTER-ology: And Now, The Other Side of the Shell...

Oyster Truths: Balancing Hype with Reality

In this special April Fool's episode of Ology, host Kevin Cox offers a humorous and critical take on the world of oysters, addressing some lesser-discussed challenges and downsides. While oysters are often celebrated for their environmental benefits and taste, Kevin and his guests delve into aspects like the physical unattractiveness of oysters, the demanding and often thankless nature of oyster farming, and the sometimes overhyped claims regarding flavor and aphrodisiac effects. Despite the lighter tone and some April Fool's exaggerations, the episode emphasizes the continued importance and value of oysters in ecology and aquaculture. Kevin concludes by reaffirming the dedication of oyster enthusiasts and the ecological significance of oysters, promising to return with fresh insights after a learning break.

00:00 Introduction to Oyster Ology

00:45 The Dark Side of Oysters

01:57 Oyster Anatomy and Eating Challenges

04:12 The Hardships of Oyster Farming

07:33 The Aphrodisiac Myth

08:54 The Realities of Oyster Farming

09:44 April Fools!

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Transcript

[Bubbles]

Kevin: 0:03

Hey folks. Kevin Cox here and welcome to OYSTER-logy. For more than 20 weeks of listening to oyster allergy, you've heard all about oysters, aquaculture, and everything from spat to shuck. You've heard how interesting they are, how they grow about the famous 50 gallons of clean, filtered water per oyster, per day, blah, blah, blah. You've heard all about their anatomy, their genetic structure, physiology, their looks, and their great taste. Big deal, right? Seems like there's nothing but good news about oysters these days, which are exploding – again –  in popularity, and scientists, environmentalists and eaters can't stop raving about em. A true renaissance, they say. Yeah.

0:45

So in the spirit of journalistic objectivity, I thought I'd bring a little balance to all of this oyster super-shellfish hype and show some of the less-than-idyllic aspects of the oyster world that you probably haven't heard much of. So relax that serious look on your face and open your mind for the next few minutes to hear some of my guests from past episodes who show us the “other side” of the oyster shell.

[Bubbles]

Kevin: 1:14

First of all, just consider the oyster overall. I mean, what's the big deal? It, it's not like they're soft and cuddly like a koala or anything. And finally, some of our experts actually admit that.

Rowan: 1:26

As animals go, there's not a whole lot going on with an oyster. They're definitely near the bottom of the complexity scale.

Jessie: 1:32

They're just tiny sedentary meat rocks

Virginia: 1:35

No one wants to hear anyone ramble about nature, ecology, passions of the farmers, blah, blah, blah, tasting, etiquette. Forget about it

Dot: 1:45

I'll tell you one thing, they get very heavy. You know, you have all that fouling on it, and something that weighed maybe 20 pounds now weighs 40 pounds.

Jessie: 1:54

They are very difficult. to grow.

Kevin: 1:57

Have you learned the anatomy of an oyster? Have you ever looked at that?

Dana: 2:01

Uh, yeah…

Trixie: 2:04

It's sort of a funky creature.

Beth: 

They look gross. 

Dana: 2:06

Some people might find them unappealing in appearance. Off putting.

Beth: 2:12

Off putting.

Dana: 2:13

Disturbing.

Beth: 2:14

Yeah. Revolting.

Dana: 2:16

Disgusting.

Beth: 2:17

Offensive. 

Kevin: 2:18

But You guys certainly don't think that.

Dana: 2:20

No. No. No. No.

2:22

Kevin: 

We all know that there's this whole merroir taste thing with oysters, right? People pretend to love them cause that's cool, right? But after slurping down just five or six dozen in one seating, even the most ardent oyster enthusiast will stop thinking that they're the cleanest, most complex and delicious thing to eat in the ocean. So let's talk about what they're really like.

Virginia: 2:44

I get asked all the time, do oysters really taste different from one another? And my answer is always “No”.  They are so boring. They taste exactly the same.

Trixie: 2:56

Eating something that's raw isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Beth: 2:59

You get to see those gills and the mantle.

Trixie: 3:02

It's definitely a little freaky. I would not have gone anywhere near an oyster probably until I was an adult.

Beth: 3:10

Curly skin and the flesh. Yeah, it makes her not want to eat them

Trixie: 3:14

I think the first oyster I had, my teeth probably didn't even touch it,

Jesse: 3:18

It's kind of like licking a penny. Like, it's very coppery.

Dana: 3:21

And the creamy. Yeah.

Jesse: 3:23

They spend all of their energy to go into reproduction. So they've got this weird, creamy, essentially spermy flavor.

Kathleen: 3:32

Okay, cool. I'm going to get this beautiful plate of oysters. And I was like, um, these are spawny… So the waitress brought another plate of oysters out. And like, these aren't any better.

Beth: 3:44

I was like, that's the anus, Dana. And she's like, all right, I'm never eating another oyster.

Kevin: 3:48

When I've shucked a bunch of those some people say, Oh yeah, this one's like really like kind of creamy. What is that? And it’s “I'll tell you when you're done.”

Rowan: 3:57

Those warm waters carry a particular bacteria, that can occasionally kill people. So that made the oysters less appealing to people because they were slightly more likely to kill you.

Kevin: 4:07

Everybody's got to die sometime.

Rowan: 4:08

Exactly. Like, you know, the strong ones survive and then they don't have to worry about it.

Kevin: 4:13

Look, the truth of the matter is, no matter how pristine, natural, and close to nature, the oyster world may appear, it's really a tough, completely thankless industry that's best served by salt-hearted masochists. And what's with the so-called love of aquafarming and oysters, anyway?  I mean, who wants to suffer that much? And for what?

Beth: 4:34

No. No. No. No. But like, they're, they're like lunatics.

Dan (2): 4:38

I like being miserable

Virginia: 4:40

You know, having just trashed my corporate job is a very daunting feeling. So the challenge comes in the unknown more than anything else.

Melissa: 4:48

You spend all of these hours every day and then they just died overnight. And so it's like, oh, all that wasted time and effort, like doing all the work for that many days just to have them die.

Nicolette: 4:59

Mother nature is our biggest business partner and there's no negotiating with her, absolutely no negotiating with her.

Andy: 5:06

Hurricanes have devastated North Carolina and Florida and Louisiana, and this floating gear is just… people have lost their entire farms. Um, you, you see these, floating gear up in trees. You know, you're not a sitting duck with floating gear. You're a dead duck.

Nicolette: 5:24

it's devastating. I mean, our crop was stressed out their entire lives. there wasn't really any algae in the water, so they starved for five to six months. Then they got  shaken around for about a month between Hurricane Ian and Nicole. And then, oh, the water's getting cooler;  it's Winter. And then, hurricane for the next summer,

Betsy: 5:40

I probably should be a little more concerned than I am. I mean, the beach I grew up going to, New Smyrna, is the sharkbite capital of the world, so. I mean, if I hear a little splash, I'm like, what is that?

Virginia: 5:52

Climate, warming waters, acidification, things like that, make my job just as hard as a farmer's job

Bill: 5:59

You know, when I retired, I, uh, I started hearing about, oyster farming. I thought, that's probably be a fun little, retirement business. And then I decided that's not something you do for fun. That's a lot of hard work.

Nicolette: 6:09

And I sunk up to my waist in muck. And that far deep. like getting stuck in something where you can't get yourself out of It took four grown men to pull me out.

Andy: 6:18

I went out with him and he was flipping these floating oyster grows, and I thought, holy crap, that's a lot more work than an old man like me wants to do.

Dan (2): 6:27

I was out there this morning in 20 degree weather.

Beth: 6:30

Filthy in the summer like we get tan around our mud splatter.

Dana: 6:36

The mud is like a sunscreen.

Kevin: 6:38

And it's, thick black mud, right? Yep. Yep. Yeah. So does it stain your skin it's, it does.

Beth: 6:43

So I swim after oystering, and then I go upstairs and take a shower. And I scrub with a loofah. And when I get out and I use the towel, there's still mud on the towel

Betsy: 6:53

I think the deepest I've had to go up was about my shoulders. Which was very cold because it was in like January. A little too cold for me.

Kevin: 7:01

Like, you want to be muddy. You want any passers by to say that's an oyster farmer!. 

Dana: 7:06

It's in the grooves of your fingernails,

Beth: 7:06

 like around your cuticle and it doesn't come out.

Dan: 7:10

…Me who stinks like oyster poo and, I'm usually covered in mud and, and pretty smelly.

Dana: 7:17

All of a sudden I just said, “I'm peeing in my Grundon's.”

Beth: 7:20

And I said, what? And she said, No, like right now I'm actively peeing. 

Dana: 7:25

But I was in the water, so I figured, why not?

Beth: 7:28

There's blood on everything Yeah, i'm always injuring myself. Yeah, there's blood everywhere

7:33

Kevin: 

And what's with this crazy aphrodisiac and oysters thing, huh? I mean, it's never worked for me! And you know, there's a difference between oysters and chili chocolate, Spanish flying blister beetles, or ground up rhino horns, right? Oh yeah, that crap doesn't do anything either…

Rowan: 7:50

You know, um, the elephant in the room in the oyster industry right now, is the whole aphrodisiac thing. You know, it's, I think it's become a real problem. You know, I like, I just want to go to a raw bar with my friends and be able to eat some oysters and have a good time. And, you know what happens, like a couple plates of oysters come out and then everybody's having sex in the restaurant, and it just gets in the way of a normal evening.

Kevin: 8:16

You know, there's poems written about these. Because they're shiny, they're beautiful, they're just pristine, and you know.

Beth: 8:22

Oh yeah. They're all kinds of sexy.

Dana: 8:24

Like us.

Rowan: 8:25

But I do, I actually think there's a way forward, uh, you know, triploid oysters, right? So neither male nor female. Well, if you can mate two triploid oysters together; if you can force them to breed, you get a Sexploid oyster. And those have zero aphrodisiac effect at all. So I think that's probably the future of the industry. And frankly, I think we'll all be able to sleep a little better at night once that happens.

Kevin: 8:54

Let's be honest, there's something in every job that sucks. I mean, it may be one thing for someone to say they love everything about this oyster farming stuff, but, really?

 Kevin: 

What would you say is your least favorite part?

Nicolette: 9:09

Administration work.

Virginia: 9:10

I would say, just the admin, you know, of running a business and trying to build all of that out, I don't think is anyone's favorite part.

Beth: 9:18

All our eggs are in one basket> Totally self employed

Nicolette: 9:22

A lot of people get into business because, it's something that they enjoy to do. And then it starts to grow. and then you're stuck in the office more, which is one of the things you don't want to be doing.

Henry: 9:32

The, uh, the revenue is slightly lower than, uh, fortune 500, software sales…

9:37

Kevin: 

So you've heard it from the experts. And the best way to end this special episode is in just two words. April Fools! Everybody knows that oysters and everything relating to them is perfect, wonderful, and immune to criticism or any negativity. Honest…

Well, at least this is true: every one of my guests who you've heard are among the vast and growing population of oyster lovers who value – even cherish – the simple oyster for its ecological and environmental importance. They've been drawn to the power of the oyster in restoration, in its erosion-proofing ability, in its habitat creating, it's water cleaning, it's carbon sequestering, it's nitrogen reduction, and it's living shoreline self-engineering abilities.  And everyone here has dedicated themselves to some aspect of the oyster industry's all-natural existence. It's scientific development, hatching nurserying, planting, harvesting, selling, flavor pairing, and of course, eating. And all of them – like me – believe that the oyster is such a perfectly crafted animal, one of nature's oldest and most resilient, that it can withstand a little April Foolishness and poking, especially by those who understand it best. 

So happy April Fools Day. 

Kevin: 

Well, that's it for this April Fool's episode of OYSTER-logy. I hope you've had a little fun listening to my remarkable guests who have brought such richness to this podcast and made it what it is so far. There's a lot more to come on OYSTER-ology, including looking at the oyster world beyond the United States. 

But first, I'll be taking a little break from my weekly episodes. There's so much to know about oysters and I'm heading out in the world to learn more about them. Then I'll come right back here and bring it to you. I'll be talking to a lot of people and eating a lot of oysters, and I'll tell you all about it when I return, so don't go away – I'm certainly not. And keep OYSTER-ology on your list of favorite podcasts so you don't miss anything when I finish eating and settle back in the studio to pry open the shell of another interesting OYSTER-ology topic.

[Bubbles]