Your Thoughts Your Reality
Welcome to "Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Mike Cole," the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges. Michael Cole, a Certified Elite Neuroencoding Specialist, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life. Join him as we delve into the profound realm of Neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles: procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more. Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
Your Thoughts Your Reality
Empowering Life Purpose: Andrew Houghton’s Journey from Addiction to Neuroencoding and Cultural Transformation
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Ever wondered how Neuroencoding can transform a life plagued by inner demons? Andrew Houghton, the founder of the Extraordinary Men's Network, shares his incredible journey from battling alcoholism to becoming a life coach with a deep sense of purpose. Andrew opens up about the 20+ years he spent in South Korea, where he not only embraced a new culture but also faced the darker aspects of his past. Together, we explore the powerful role Neuroencoding played in his personal growth and how overcoming self-sabotage and limiting beliefs can lead to a resilient and purposeful life. I also share my efforts in supporting veterans and their families through my writing.
From navigating the unexpected nature of culture shock to managing that persistent inner voice that fills us with doubt, this episode covers it all. We discuss the true culture shock that often occurs upon returning to familiar environments after significant personal transformations. You'll learn practical techniques to control that negative inner voice, likened to gremlins, and virtues like patience, integrity, and honesty that are crucial for navigating uncomfortable situations. Through personal anecdotes, we highlight the importance of supportive relationships and being open about one's struggles to foster understanding and connection. Tune in for an enriching conversation that underscores the transformative power of personal struggles.
Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at:
https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com
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The Journey of Military Veterans
Speaker 1Welcome to your Thoughts , your Reality with Michael Cole , the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges . Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life . Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science , empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination , self-doubt , fear and more . Together , let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society , forging a new path forward .
Speaker 2Hello , hello , hello everybody . So today we have Andrew Houghton on our show Again as a return guest . Dual elite neuroencoding specialist , mindset , life coach , founder of the Extraordinary Men's Network Should I keep going , Jeez , yes , Network . Should I keep going , Jeez , yes . English language professor with 14 years of experience in Seoul , South Korea . Expert in helping middle-aged men overcome life's challenges . So , Andrew , glad to have you on . Why don't you tell us a little bit more about yourself ?
Speaker 3Thank you for having me back , Michael , Absolutely . Yeah well , as you were introducing me , it was just kind of blowing my own mind again about how long I've been living in South Korea . It's actually been 21 years since I left 2003, . I graduated university and then went traveling , so it's been 20 , 21 years this year , and yeah , it's been . I grew up here . Basically I've almost lived here longer than I lived in the UK .
Speaker 2How old were you when you moved there ?
Speaker 3I was 23 years old . Yeah , got it . So yeah , you did grow up there and I've been in Korea longer than my students now , my freshmen . When my freshmen students come in and they say when did you come to Korea ?
Speaker 2They weren't even born , it's kind of like when you're filling out one of those documents . They ask what year you're born . You have to spin it like a dial .
Speaker 3Yeah , it gets further , further back , all the age brackets the 30s , the 40s , the 50s . I'm almost nudging into that next age bracket . But it's cool , I like it , I enjoy it . It's like collecting . I don't know , I like collecting things , I guess . So collecting years , collecting experiences .
Speaker 2Amen , that's what life's about , man . I love it , hey . So before we get started really quick , I just want to remind everybody the top right-hand corner I always point the wrong way the top right-hand corner there's a QR code , a blue QR code . Scan . That takes us to Empower . There you go , thank you , andrew , to empowerperformancestrategiescom . Again , that's empowerperformancestrategiescom for people listening on the podcast forums later . So lots of resources for veterans . Some books I've written . There's some Facebook groups . Get involved , get in with us so we can further our mission .
Speaker 3Michael , you've written books . I'm the guest , but , Michael , you've written books .
Speaker 2I have . I've written two books , wow . I've written one for veterans to help them get further faster , and then I've also written one for the families .
Speaker 3That's beautiful . Congratulations , michael . I had no idea . Thank you , please continue . I'm joking . Yeah , sorry , what was the question ?
Speaker 2I hadn't got there yet , okay . So , why don't you tell us a little bit about your like grabbing ? Way too much fun already , okay , way too much fun already . I love it . So share with us how you got into neuron coding and what kind of brought you into this life , if you will , and what you do now .
Speaker 3Well , yeah , well , yeah . So , as I said , I've been in Korea since 2003 . And pretty much the first 17 years of that time was a blur , mainly because I was quote enjoying life , shall we say . I was a professor . I started there in 2010 and got my professorship , if you like , did my master's degree , actually after starting my job , which is unusual . Most people do that before .
Speaker 3However , there was a dark underbelly to that time in my life , because I was an active alcoholic and I consider myself very lucky to have that situation in my life , because I needed to go through that to get to this . As we say , hey , bro , and I'm also very fortunate and grateful for the grace that I maintained my job . I've kept some good friends and the support of my family and if it wasn't for that , I wouldn't have joined Neuroencoding , because it was through a coach and a therapist that basically said , if you don't make some changes in your life , you're not going to really be able to understand yourself , self-sabotage and limiting beliefs you've created for yourself , because a lot , of , a lot of what I was going through was , in a sense , of fantasy that we've created . You know the world's against me . You know I don't pour me , pour me , pour me , another drink , kind of thing .
Speaker 2And it's interesting , andrew , how we and I have not the same story but but a similar pattern , right , and it's really interesting how , thank God , we did go through those things , because it made us the men we are today , right . So it's really interesting how you see that similar patterns though I have a moth in the studio .
Speaker 3I have some mosquitoes and I'm really trying not to . Yeah , look like the crazy guy in the camera going .
Speaker 2No , totally I don't care . Judge away , I don't care , I'll be the crazy guy , I'll get more views . I mean it's fine .
Speaker 3Okay .
Speaker 2It'll further the military vision here for the veterans .
Speaker 2I'll be that guy . So so I just yeah , I just want to make a point really quick and thank you for the vulnerability . First , andrew , it's not easy to talk about those things but you know , if we don't go through them , we don't become the people that we are now Right , because it's very easy to sit there and blame everybody else and take another drink or do another drug or binge watch TV or any of those things that we do as human beings . So really , really appreciate you . You know being vulnerable .
Speaker 3Yeah , and you know it wasn't easy , but it's much easier now because you know I have I don't know , I have my sobriety chips to prove my hard work . You know I it wasn't so easy to say three years ago and there's a lot of you know , mainly because of denial .
Speaker 3But I worked at , and now I even mention it in my classes with my university students , because it is now a source of pride , is now a source of energy , and it really helps me to connect with people . You know , when you have something that you know that can never be taken away from me , right , I stood up and said this is a problem I have and I need to fix it . And then I went , and then I'm we say you know , I'm in recovery . I feel pretty recovered , shall we say , but life is , you know , an ongoing journey . I'm a work in recovery . I feel pretty recovered , shall we say , but life is an ongoing journey , I'm a work in progress , and we need our due diligence every day to make sure we keep moving forward Because , as my inspiration for personal development , tony Robbins , says , if you're not growing , you're dying .
Speaker 3So I always on a daily basis , do the small stuff to keep getting better development . Tony robbins says if you're not growing , you're dying . So I always on you know , daily basis , do do the small stuff to keep getting better absolutely take one step further , man um hey , so why neuron coding ? Because of your 50th guest , joseph mccl . When I saw him for the first time , it rocked my world His energy , his magnetism , his magnificence . We were there at his 70th birthday . We were there at his 70th birthday just hanging out right , Just hanging out .
Speaker 3Just celebrating . It was our graduation too and he's just an incredible human being with a huge heart and it inspired me to want to do what he does . The way he interrupted my patterns like now I know what the terminology is , but you know got me to be aware of my limiting beliefs and believe that it's possible to change how I feel and how I behave , and then the results that come from those behaviors . I'm like I want to learn from this guy and when the opportunity came up to sign up for his institute and learn from him and his amazing team , I grabbed it with both hands . It's an amazing family I . I grabbed it with both hands .
Speaker 2I know it's an amazing family .
Speaker 3Been full throttle ever since . Yeah .
Speaker 2Two years , andrew . What ? What time is it there in South Korea ?
Speaker 3It is five , 18 AM sir .
Speaker 2So , everybody , I just want I just want to thank you , andrew , for for being up , because this guy , guy , not only . I'm just going to praise you for a minute , all right , so just bear with me . This guy has a young daughter . Do you have two ? Yeah , I know you have a newborn though . Yes , oh , look at this .
Speaker 3I've got my three-year-old and my three-month-year-old and my 17-year-old year old and my three month year old and my 17 year old .
Speaker 2And this and this guy is working at not only an educational institution , right You're ? You're doing this just to try to help people and get people further , faster and the studying and all the things I know we're . We're both doing more , more . You know education as well . We always do so I just want to commend you for the drive that you have . Even when it's tough , you're still getting up and doing it . Thank you for that .
Speaker 3Pretty awesome , thank you . Thank you . Yeah , it's very touching . It isn't always , it's rarely easy , I'll say to be honest . But when you have motivation , like my family , my amazing wife , who has supported me through thick and thin through a lot of thin , when the times were really tough , when I was on the floor in a mess we had terrible , I created some terrible circumstances for us and she stuck through it and supported me and believed in me , and when I wanted to get help , she supported me . She absolutely agreed , obviously , and when I wanted to help other people , she was on board with that too .
Speaker 3And she saw something and I'm glad she did . Just to be clear , we're talking about time 21 years in career and , as I said , 17 of that I was just a crap show , you know , trying to use nice words , but it was a complete mess man like . And then I met her and I was kind of at my peak really , but thank god , I had enough , just enough , just enough to to show her some light . I suppose that she could see , you know , like a crack , if you like , in the darkness that she saw . She saw that light and stuck with me . And now , you know , at that time all I had was my job and a couple of friends . And then I met her four years later three kids , nice home in a nice area of town with great schools and the care we need for our children . And yeah , I'm so , I'm so grateful for what hasn't been , you know , manifested .
Speaker 2Amen , and you're just getting started , buddy , you're just getting started .
Speaker 3Yeah , just just getting started , absolutely .
Speaker 2Absolutely . So let me ask you I know we're going to talk about cultural differences and that kind of stuff For yourself and this is I'm sure you're going to pull some experiences as well as for veterans facing transition , coming home , all those things . So if you can , you know what ? What are some cultural differences that that you ran into that you think would translate into maybe a veteran coming home after transition and kind of re re engaging in life again ?
Speaker 3Yeah yeah , it's culture For me , so I was going to mention culture shock . There's a couple of things that came to my mind Identity , reverse , culture shock .
Navigating Culture Shock and Transitioning Home
Speaker 3You'd think the culture shock would happen when you joined the military when everything you knew kind of faded away .
Speaker 3Or for me , when I left the UK , the British world and moved to South Korea , and it's like , oh , where am I ? What is this strange new world I'm in ? And I thought that would be the culture shock , but it wasn't . It was just like this is where I am now and it's like you just kind of maybe it's the newness of everything and that you don't notice there's something . It's a strange phenomenon that it was very comfortable and easy to start the new life . It's like you can let go of it . It's when you go back and I guess this is what interests me with your topic of veterans transitioning back to civilian life , in the sense that that's when the culture shock kicks in , when you go back to the familiar , but you're not the same anymore .
Speaker 2Yeah , familiar , but you're not the same anymore . Yeah , and if I can , if I can , I think there's depending on the mindset when you , when you join the military , there can definitely be shock . You know there could be a culture shock there for sure . But I think you know , nowadays most military are joining because they're more purpose-driven , they want to have a purpose , they want to join something , they you know all of those things where it's not . You know drafting like it was , you know the draft like it was before , Drafting like a bank .
Speaker 3Yeah .
Speaker 2Like it was before . But I think there's probably , you know , some still culture shock once you're actually there , but I love the idea . What you're talking about is when you get out as well .
Speaker 3I think there may be a double culture shock a little bit . Yeah , forgive me if I meant if I yeah , I didn't mean it to be a blanket statement . Yeah , I forget that . I've been here so long and I've met , I've met hundreds of people who didn't last , you know , more than a few days or weeks , because because of that , they , they did have the culture shock when they arrived and I forget that I surrounded Everyone I know is what we call a lifer . Right , we're going to be here forever . We're part of the furniture now in South Korea .
Speaker 2So when you first went there , andrew , did you ? You just felt more comfortable than you expected then .
Speaker 3Yeah , I think it's like you said purpose driven .
Speaker 3I wanted to be there . I knew it was going to be different . I wanted something different . I liked that I could be a new person here . Like nobody knew who I was . They didn't have any expectation . They accepted what they saw and what I told them , kind of . So I think that's why I didn't have any . I didn't really miss home . I was excited to see all the new things . So a lot of mindset , I would think because you were . I didn't know it then . But yeah , I think you're right .
Speaker 2Yeah , it wasn't that you're going . Oh my gosh , what am I doing ? Why am I here ? I don't speak the language . I'm assuming . I don't know . Did you speak the language when you first went ?
Speaker 3home . No , you did not . Right To . No offense to your huge South Korean audience , I'm sure you have Not yet . I didn't know where it was . I didn't know where I was going , even though , just like 10 months prior , I was watching the World Cup against soccer Not that big in America , but Korea . Japan hosted the 2002 World world cup . So even though I just watched that , I wasn't 100 sure where I was going . I knew it was east asia , I knew it was near japan and , yeah , I was just like let's get out of the uk , let's , let's do something different excellent .
Speaker 2So you had the culture shock to some extent , because it was totally different , didn't speak the language , all those things . But your mindset and I really want to focus on this just for a second your mindset of it wasn't anxious , anxiety , stress , it was excitement and what I call anticipated excitement . I teach my clients that's different from being anxious and stressed out and all those things , because you're actually excited about it . It feels the same in your body , that little butterflies in the stomach or whatever the case may be . It's exactly the same thing . So it's interesting how you I mean the average person would be going what the hell am I doing ? But because you were starting fresh and you had that right mindset , you just went over there and just absorbed it and moved forward . That's fantastic .
Speaker 3Yeah , I do the same thing with my clients too . If you analyze how you're really feeling , if you take two situations and say , okay , this is , you were nervous here , you were excited here . Was there really any any difference in the danger or in the threat , or in the you know the out potential outcomes ? Like no , no . So really , you're just choosing to feel nervous about this because of the reasons and you're choosing to be excited . So , in an ideal world , which one would you prefer ? I'd rather be excited . Heck , yeah , I would . Yeah , you definitely have control over that , for sure .
Speaker 2Yeah , so the culture shock then to some extent would play the same vice versa , right ?
Speaker 1So when you're going home or whatever the case may be it just depends on that mindset .
Speaker 2So tell me if you will . So you've been . I know you've been to the United States . I'm assuming you've been home as well , to the UK .
Speaker 3Oh yeah , yes , I go home you've been home as well to the UK . Oh yeah , yes , I , I , I go home at least once a year . I would say I've been home twice a year for the last 10 years .
Speaker 2Yeah , I go home regularly . And then do you feel culture shock when you're going back there . It sounds like Not so much these days .
Speaker 3It was it as I . Not so much these days as I progressed in my job and I got more vacation time . It's become more normal and I've learned what to expect .
Speaker 3So , there's some comfort now in going back to the familiar , but at first and I think it even took me a couple of trips home to realize why I was so uncomfortable and and just not at ease when I was at home . And it was the different the , the different culture . I changed and I had an expectation that things around , that , you know people around me , would change , but they hadn't . They hadn't and they didn't know what I'd been through changed , but they hadn't and they didn't know what I'd been through and I wasn't comfortable with the questions they were asking me and the expectations they had of me .
Speaker 2I think I'm glad you said this because it brings us to a really cool thought , if you will . It's the exact same pattern that our military , our veterans , are coming back . They are different people . People don't know who they are , and vice versa anymore Family members . When I'm saying people , I should be more specific . And there's always the honeymoon period . Right , you got that . Two weeks , one week , one day . It just depends on the person and their mindset of I'm back , woo-hoo , okay , now what ? Then ? Life sets in . So what are some of the skills that maybe you used during that time period or when you go back , or back in the past , when you go back to kind of reset yourself and get you back in the right mindset ?
Speaker 3Yeah , so one of the programs that I use with my clients who struggle with identity and self-confidence is a part of it . Self-esteem is you might be familiar with that acronym CTFO Go ahead yeah . Chill the freak out right .
Speaker 2Nice coin up on that one .
Speaker 3Well , bear
Overcoming Internal Doubts and Cultivating Harmony
Speaker 3with me . The freak is the voice in your head that is panicking , that is feeling out of place , and I often liken them to gremlins . If I don't know if you show my age a little bit , but the movie gremlins and these gremlins , all these .
Speaker 2Oh no , not you too Did you see that . It went through the network .
Speaker 3They , they live in your head and they , they say things and emit feelings into your body , into your body , that that don't serve you and you need to chill them out . You chill don't serve you and you need to chill them out . You chill them out by calling them out , by acknowledging them . So when I hear that little voice in my head going these guys , these guys don't , these guys don't respect you , these , you know , they don't value what you've been through , like , ah , andrew , you're doing it again . You're letting the freak control you chill it out , look up , take a deep breath , put a smile on my face and then get back to the conversation with a fresh perspective on things , that this is the way things are at this moment and it's perfect . They're living their life , you're living your life and there's there's , there's no disrespect meant there . There's no , there's , you know , there's harmony here .
Speaker 2Yeah , my friend and mentor , Vinu Keller , amazing , amazing instructor and again a friend . She talks about naming that person . Name it whatever you want so you can tell it , chill it out and use its name because it actually differentiates and helps you snap out of it faster . It's , it's a , it's pretty neat . So , um , let's see so . So when you come back , you kind of have that conversation with yourself then to snap yourself out and and do a stop technique kind of thing and and so on .
Speaker 1Are there any ?
Speaker 2other things that you use . Um , when you're in that mode of where the hell am I ? Culturally , you know it's totally different and I just need to reset myself , breathe and get back on track because everything's fine . It's just different yeah , it's just different . Yeah , and I know we're going totally off all the questions that I sent you , but I just wanted organic conversation .
Speaker 3So you know , please , yeah , it's . I mean patience , and I mean these are not neuroencoding , these are just , you know , virtues that I try to live with for being the best version of myself . So , you know , having integrity for myself but others , to practicing patience for myself and others , because I'm the one who's generally as , as we talked about like the difference between who's changed and who hasn't like we've all changed . It's just I didn't notice them changing and they didn't notice me changing . And having the patience to know that they're struggling just as much as I am , if they're a struggle at all , like in reality , there is no struggle .
Speaker 3There's just this perfect moment in time where you have a choice to make between panic and pleasure , or nervousness and excitement , right . So choose , choose the better . We have a pattern think , feel , do , have right . And when I feel those feelings of panic or even worse , like disrespect or something like that , I go back to what am I thinking ? What am I thinking ? What am I thinking ? I'm thinking that this person doesn't get me , or maybe they do get me . You know , like it's amazing , the older I get and the conversations I have with my parents , that they get me way more than I ever thought they did .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 3And I get them . You know , I understand them more too . So having the patience to say this is okay and I'm okay , and they're probably wishing the best for me as much as I'm wishing the best for them . And and then honesty you know to be honest and say I'm having a hard time here , like this is , this isn't , this is new , this is is uncomfortable and I need a moment . And they're fine with that . Right , like you , the you . There's some strange mental blockage going on where you think like , well , if I , if I tell them , if I tell them that I'm scared , if I tell them that I'm having a hard time , that there's going to be judgment , that they're going to think less of you , these are the closest people in your life , they love you and they just want the best for you .
Speaker 2So it's that stigma , you know , that's that's there of I'm not . It's not okay to say I need help , I'm not okay , I need a second , I need , I just need someone to be present , hold space for me . Yeah , and here's the crazy thing , if I can is like your parents and I'm just abusing them for because we're just talking about it right , how much would they love to hold that space for you and be there for you . And that's what we forget , whether we're veterans or just humans in general . We forget how amazing it feels for the other people to be there for us and how that really changes it .
Speaker 3Yeah , a big part of the work I do with my clients is we call them quality questions , but it's getting people to think from a new perspective . We develop these very rigid points of view on things like the way that someone's judging me , whereas if I look at it from another point of view multiple angles you can see that they're probably worried about you and their worry gets expressed in various ways , and what you're interpreting as judgment , criticism , is worry and concern . Who is your biggest cheerleader in your life ? Who has been the big cheerleader for you in your life , michael ?
Speaker 2My wife , my family , different family members , but my wife hands down .
Speaker 3Yeah , why would ? And have you ever caught yourself thinking she's judging you ? Yeah , and yet she's your biggest cheerleader ? Why would she judge you ? Right ? You've got to ask yourself these . So asking yourself , taking a time , taking a deep breath , asking yourself these quality questions and realizing that really you're , you're misinterpreting , you're misinterpreting , you're misinterpreting what's going on and oh , they do have my best interests at heart and they are my biggest cheerleader and I do love this person and they love me and everything's going to be okay . It allows you to shift how you think about the situation , which changes how you feel , which changes what you do , which ultimately changes your whole experience .
Speaker 2Yes , absolutely Fantastic , man , hey . So guess what ? We're at the end of the show .
Speaker 3Already man . Oh , we've got like 12 more questions to go .
Speaker 2I didn't even ask any of the questions . I love this organic conversation . So , andrew , I am going to ask now , though , because I always do at the end of the show . Uh , first of all , how do people reach out to you to get a hold of ?
Speaker 3you ? Yep , uh , just my name , andrew michael horton , on facebook , and that will also lead to extraordinary men's network , which is the facebook community that I've created for support for men to support one other . Uh , you might also find a link to og coach , but that's uh . Yeah , you'll find that if you need , uh , but andrew michael horton on facebook . Extraordinary men's network , also on facebook excellent , excellent .
Speaker 2So , uh , the last thing is three tips to get veterans further , faster , and their families , of course three tips listen more , speak less , be patient and engage more .
Speaker 3Don't hide away Right . Engage with the people you're with , be patient with yourself and others , and listen more .
Speaker 2Yeah , love those , love all three of those . It is so important to put that in everyday life , thank you . Thank you for those tips , man , thank you so everybody . Thank you . Yeah , so I want to just thank you again . Um , most precious resource we have as human beings is time we don't get it back . So thank you , andrew again for for coming back on and sharing some more thoughts and uh , great , just great tips . So appreciate you , man .
Speaker 3Yeah , I love what you do , michael . You're a beautiful person and I'm grateful that you've given me a second chance , a second opportunity to be on your show . It's an amazing thing you're doing , so thank you very much .
Speaker 2I appreciate that man . You know there's so many people out there hurting . There are veterans , human beings in general in the world , and what we do is so vital , especially with neuro encoding . To be able to help people default back to their best selves when they're struggling is just a beautiful thing . So until until my last breath , you'll see me out here doing something . Yeah absolutely All right everybody . So thank you again , Andrew , and we are out of here , so thank you again , Andrew .
Speaker 3And we are out of here .
Speaker 1Thanks , jordan . Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host , michael Cole . We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you . To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality , visit empowerperformancestrategiescom . Remember your thoughts , shape your reality . So , empowerperformancestrategiescom , remember your thoughts , shape your reality . So make them count . Until next time , stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire . Catch you on the next episode .
