Your Thoughts Your Reality
Welcome to "Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Michael Cole," the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges. Michael Cole, a Certified Elite Neuroencoding Specialist, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life. Join him as we delve into the profound realm of Neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles: procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more. Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
Your Thoughts Your Reality
How Veterans And Partners Can Communicate, Reconnect, And Thrive At Home
A homecoming can feel like a finish line, but for many veterans and partners it’s the moment everything shifts. Roles change, routines collide, and good intentions get lost in translation. We brought in David and Alexis “Kiwi” to share the tools that helped them turn a painful communication breakdown—yes, including a hard‑boiled egg in a birthday lasagna—into a marriage that’s resilient, connected, and aligned.
We explore how unspoken expectations sabotage closeness and why building a common language is the fastest way to sync meaning with message. You’ll learn the “three businesses” framework that lowers anxiety on the spot: own what you think, feel, do, and create; influence but don’t control others; trust the timing and outcomes you can’t manage. We dig into mindset science too—how your reticular activating system filters reality to match your focus—and how a simple physiology reset can break the spin cycle of stress in seconds. Instead of command-and-control habits that backfire at home, we model curiosity, clear requests, and practical rituals.
Expect concrete steps you can use tonight: five to ten minutes of daily couch time with three prompts (best part, hardest part, how can I support you), the “what’s in your cup” check to upgrade your inputs, and the same-team mindset that turns arguments into joint problem-solving. Whether you’re navigating reintegration, launching a business together, or simply trying to feel close again, these tools help you reclaim presence and rebuild trust without guesswork.
If this conversation gave you a new way to show up for your partner, share it with someone who needs it, subscribe for more veteran-focused tools, and leave a review telling us your favorite takeaway. Your feedback helps more families find the habits that heal.
Welcome to your thoughts, your reality with Michael Cole. Michael is a dually certified neuroencoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-explanate life. Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles, procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more. Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.
SPEAKER_01:Hello, hello, hello, everybody. So we have some great guests on today. Super excited to play with the uh TV Maggeys, which is a super cool name, I'm just saying. Um a little bit about them. Um, David is a Navy veteran who served eight years in the cryptological world, bringing discipline, insight, and perspective from his time in the service. Alexis is certified aromatherapist and strengths coach with over 20 years of experience in ministry, leadership, and wellness. Um, together, David and Alexis guide couples to rebuild trust, communication with compassion, and rediscovery emotional connection, which is absolutely amazing. We're gonna talk a lot about that today. So, with that said, um, you guys want to share just a little bit more about yourself?
SPEAKER_04:It is a pleasure to be here. Yeah, so you mentioned I was in the Navy, so like day one boot camp, right? They're going through the names, they're eating off, they're like Michael Cole, and they're like president. They get to my name and they're like, What the? Like, that's me. They looked at my name and they said, hmm, you're gonna be Kiwi for the rest of your career. And I just have owned it since. We've embraced the we are the Kiwis. Our last name's a doozy. It's fun, but it's easy to remember us as the Kiwis. Going through life, though, I met my wife actually in Vietnam, believe it or not. We were both from America, we're both U.S. citizens, but we actually met in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam working together over there, and it was just an incredible experience.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Very cool, very cool. Um, so I mean, with that said, how did you guys get into this realm um of you know self-improvement, self-growth, all of all of the things that you guys do right now?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, nobody really like gets married, or as a kid's like, man, I want to be a self-development coach, or you know, I want to be no one's really that. So it's sort of one of those like there's always something that does it. For us, our reason for coaching couples and high-level leaders who are just burnt out and feel like work has consumed me and they're losing out on what matters most. We help them reclaim their energy and reclaim their presence so they can win at work and at home. This is really true for veterans, right? That was not something that came easily. It came from our own personal journey. We had some problems right off the bat. Um, in fact, our problems, we didn't even know it, started when we first got married. So when we first got married, it'd been about a year, and we had a lot of struggle with communication. If I could solve one problem, man, it'd be communication and how to communicate and how to understand each other. But we didn't. We got married and we thought, love is all we need. We'll figure it out, right? Well, it was my birthday, and I asked my wife to make my favorite childhood meal, lasagna. Now, what I didn't tell her, I had unspoken expectations, right? I had this, I had this expectation, which was my mom had always made lasagna for my birthday. So there was like a specific recipe that I wanted that I was craving. I didn't tell her that because I didn't know how to communicate that. I was just like, hey, can you make lasagna for me?
SPEAKER_02:So, of course, I called up the best cook that I knew, which was my grandma, who handwrote out her recipe and mailed it to me from several states away.
SPEAKER_04:Back in that day.
SPEAKER_02:She hadn't been given email yet. And um, and so I set about wanting to make the perfect lasagna for his birthday. Spent hours, of course, cooking all the layers, getting it perfectly ready. And uh, the moment that it was bubbling to perfection, pulled it out and walked it to the table.
SPEAKER_04:So I'm sitting at the kitchen table, she sets it down in front of me, and it smells amazing. I mean, anyone who makes lasagna knows the effort and the energy that goes into that. And so my hopes, though, were really high. But as soon as my fork stabbed into that first bite, my hopes were shattered because I hit something rubbery and not like a good rubbery. So I peek between the noodles, staring back at me like a landmine is a hard-boiled egg. I'm no Italian, but that's not right. So I'm sitting there, granted, I'm newly married, right? So I'm sitting there and I'm thinking to myself, do I tell my wife, my brand new wife, who's glowing with pride, that her lasagna has just committed the unforgivable culinary crime? Like, we don't do this. Or do I just eat it like a good husband? The truth was, I kind of felt unsafe to say anything because it was my birthday, and if I said something, I might lose out on dessert, if you know what I mean. So I was like, I'll just keep my mouth shut. So I swallowed my pride, I swallowed my thoughts, and I swallowed the lasagna in total silence.
SPEAKER_02:Literally just sat there and chewed. Right. And of course, I had the expectation that he was going to be so appreciative of the hours I had invested into this meal and was going to, you know, glow about his wonderful birthday dinner. But he just sat there and he chewed.
SPEAKER_04:And so I ate my obligatory bite and I ate. I think I I think I did actually finish the serving. My single serving. This is the woman. No, caveat. My wife's an amazing cook. She'll make an entire pan of enchiladas. I'll eat the whole thing.
SPEAKER_01:Like she knew something was up, didn't she?
SPEAKER_04:But like we felt she felt unseen for her efforts. I felt unsafe to say anything, and we just felt unheard. I mean, it was like this isn't working. So I excused myself, walk away without saying thank you or anything. And that's kind of how we got started. What we didn't know is that foreshadowed how we would handle conflict in our marriage. Anytime something came up, and this happens like a lot in the military, right? A lot of stuff would come up, and we just we didn't know how to handle it, and we didn't know how to talk about it, so we just didn't. Ignoring unspoken expectations, just is literally like letting it bubble beneath the surface till it explodes in a fight. And then you know it's still there because when you get into a fight, you bring it back up.
SPEAKER_01:It all comes back for sure.
SPEAKER_04:So for our art transformation, right? That was you know, decade later, we had gone through a lot of stuff, and she comes to me and she's like, We should start a side gig, we should start a business together. Like, that sounds like a good idea.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I don't recommend if you can't get along day-to-day starting a business together. It was not wise.
SPEAKER_04:Well, long story short, thousands of dollars down the hole. We still weren't making money. It was draining our bank account, our patience, and it was honestly draining our love we had for each other. Our hallway blissful encounters turned into hallway checklists. Hey, did you do this? Hey, the client needs this. Our date nights turned into project management meetings. And uh, just to be real, she told me, she's like, I hated date night with you. It was it was bad. And that's when I realized something had to change.
SPEAKER_01:And thank goodness she had the courage to do it, right?
SPEAKER_04:She did because otherwise, where would you be? Oh gosh, we would we would not be where we're at now. But she comes to me, she's like, We should get coaching. I was like, I don't want therapy, I want a solution. I did not want to sit on a couch and just talk about my feelings. Like, this doesn't sound great. But again, something had to change. So I shifted my commitment and I said, Okay, I'll take coaching with you. Coaching's not like counseling, right? That's different. Very different, it is very different. And I wish I could say we did six weeks of coaching and then boom, everything was perfect. It wasn't, but we did uh six weeks of coaching and we had the tools we needed to change everything. So we spent the next three years studying each other, marriage podcasts. We invested tens of thousands of dollars in more coaching, and we got to the point where I have the best marriage. I really do. Like it is incredible. The skills that we learned helped in my job, in the military, and all of that. And she came to me, and again, listening to my wife is always a good idea. She's like, we need to teach other leaders this, other couples, other entrepreneurs, other couples that work together. And so that's how Kiwi Coaching was born was dedicated to helping the high-level leaders who are consumed by work but losing it at home reclaim their energy and their presence. And is all her idea. Someone give me credit.
SPEAKER_02:It's not my fault.
SPEAKER_01:Darn, that just sucks. Yeah. So, hey, so um, love the story, and thank you for sharing. Um, and I gotta say, I'd be thrown off with the egg and lasagna as well.
SPEAKER_04:Um, there's more to that story, we'll get to that later.
SPEAKER_01:All right, I'm just wondering, is there a way to maneuver around the egg, still eat it and be happy? You ruined it.
SPEAKER_02:Yep, the moment was ruined.
SPEAKER_01:It's there. Hey, and thank goodness, like zucchini lasagna was not a thing back then, right? Oh, she tried it. He would have been so thrown off. And I I love zucchini lasagna. Um, I love lasagna, period. As long as it has spicy Italian sausage with it. There are rules, there are important things. There are rules. Um absolutely awesome. So um, let's, if we can, um, just before we really dive in, um, I just want to remind people the I pointed the right way, top right hand corner. There is a blue QR code. Please scan that QR code. Takes you to EmpowerPorformance Strategies.com. If you're listening on the podcast forums later on, again, EmpowerPerformance Strategies.com. It takes you to the website, has all of our podcast uh videos, also links. Um, we have books that I've written, free resources, trainings, all kinds of good stuff. Please be part of our mission and help us spread the word uh to health veterans and their families. So check that out. Check, thank you, thank you. And he pointed out perfect for him. He doesn't have to. I won't uh which way is it? So fantastic. Um, so guys, let's let's kind of start off with I think something really important, and especially for veterans in reintegration, which is really what I specialize in. I mean, I can we do it all, but that's really my passion because that's where I've seen the most problems that end up being lifetime problems. So if we can't, I want to talk about first disconnection. Okay. So because I think um everybody after military service um that's been away from families, both both families and the service member themselves is different, right? You've changed, you've grown, you're different people, right? So when with that said, your your if there's kids, they've grown different. Your parents are different, your cousins, everybody's as grown in that two years, 27 years, just depends on how long you've been um been together, right? And how long you've been obviously separated from military for the military uh experience. So with that said, people come back, they're they generally don't know who each other are anymore. And that's a real thing. It's just like um um empty death syndrome, right? You've lived this life, your identity is there, but now it's changed. So I so we can we can talk about both, if you will, but um, I really just kind of want to focus on on that reintegration. And hey, the honeymoon period is over, um, and which is usually a couple of weeks to a couple of months. I'm back, you know, life's great. Woo woo, everything's wonderful. Well, then real life that's it. And what are some of the things with with being disconnected? Give us some skill sets, some thoughts, some stories, of course, on reconnecting. Um, because I believe that core the the the the uh partner and the the husband, the wife, whatever you want to call it, is pivotal to be reconnected to make everything else work. Because if you're not connected, it's uh it's a disaster waiting to happen. So, can you talk about absolutely yeah?
SPEAKER_04:So your marriage is the foundation upon which your success is built. So for us, like we're we're couplepreneurs, I like that word, but we're couples that are in the same business together. Some couples are they're both working, someone's working, one's not that sort of thing. If one's in the military and deployed, the other one's usually not working. And so with stuff like that, that foundation piece has to be strong. If there were three pieces of information, I don't know if we can squeeze all three in, but we'll try. Three pieces of information that I wish I had known before we got married. Like this would have changed everything. One would probably be the three businesses. That one was huge for knowing where we were. The second one would probably have to be what we call dominant domains, but this is who you are really. This was huge for me because I was in healthcare for seven years, and then I joined the military and I went into cyber. And then I was in the military for eight years, and then I got out and I went and started my own business. So I like lost my identity like three times in my life. We've had a lot, I actually cried trying to put my uniforms away because it was a piece of identity. Whereas your dominant domains is huge on that one. Um, and then last but not least would probably be that we love this one. It's called How to Win Every Argument with Your Spouse Guaranteed. Hands down. Like that is one of the most pivotal things that has helped in our communication.
SPEAKER_02:But I would simplify all of that to say when you're coming into a new season, right? I've I've worked with people who he's retiring and that they're like, we're gonna have hours together that we've never had in our marriage. Or, you know, that that coming back, like you said, reintegrating into the family after deployment or reintegrating into society after years in the military in a very specific culture. Um, I would take all of that, simplify that to communication requires common language.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And when you can get on the same page so that the words you're using mean the same thing to both of you, whether it's through, you know, reading books, through coaching, through whatever it is, all of a sudden you have words that you can use that both of you understand what it means. Because words are so powerful, right? And a lot of times we have these associated meanings. And so when he comes in and says, I feel unseen, and she's like, Well, I feel unheard, and he's like, But I'm listening to you talk all the time, right? Well, what does that mean?
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_02:I feel unheard is not you don't listen, sit down and be, you know, in the room while I'm talking. It's you're not absorbing what I'm intending to say. And so a huge part of what we work with people on is having common language where you can communicate the same thing to each other.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. When I was in the military, talking about fighting, right? A lot of our stories are what we didn't do right. So when I was in the military, but that's how you learn, but that's how you learn. This is how you learn. Well, I was in charge, right? I was the petty officer and I was in charge of a unit, and I I told people what to do, and they did it. It was great, right? So I spoke in commands, like, you will do this. This is how this goes. That does not work on your life.
SPEAKER_03:Uh-uh.
SPEAKER_04:No, sir. I've tried. It doesn't at all. You're like, you're gonna do this. Oh, I you bet I am. Well, if if I had understood what you have control over and what you've not, I know like there's a lot of great things out there on learning what you have control over and what you don't. For us, it was the three businesses. This would have been huge. There's three businesses in life there's yours, other people's, and God's. And this would have helped me a lot in my military leading as well, had I known it back then. But your business, I'll do your business. Um, your business is what you think, feel, do, and create. You have full control over your thoughts. And I love that your thoughts, your reality, because this feeds right in. What you think will become how you feel. What you feel becomes what you do. What you do becomes what you're what you create, your reality. And so when you learn to control this, and say, I have full control here, so I can change this. Now, here I'm gonna go to the negative side. So I'm over there, she's like, Man, this woman doesn't listen to me for nothing. Then my attitude, my feelings become negative towards my beautiful spouse, and I start to do things that are unloving and unkind. And then I just created a reality, uh, an environment that is toxic for our marriage. But the opposite's true. I if I change here, change how I'm thinking to change how I'm feeling, create changes what I'm doing, changes what I'm creating. Yeah, but what you can't control is other people's business.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. And and before we go further from that, I I want to touch base on that because I think it's profound. And I teach something very similar with think, feel, have, do, right? Um, so I I think it's really important to really slow down. And I want you to give give the tip of okay, how do you change the thought? You're thinking one thing, you catch yourself because you know it's not right, and in the deep recesses of your subconscious, you know that's not right. How do you catch yourself? How do you change it to get your thinking on track? If we can, real quick.
SPEAKER_04:I like that. Tony Robbins, we were talking about him earlier in the conversation, but he said something where your focus is, your energy flows. I love, I love that statement. And it it can become cheesy, but the truth is, it's very accurate. If I focus on the negative, I'm gonna focus on the gap and not on the gain. If I focus on what I don't have instead of what I do have, I focus on what I lack instead of being grateful for what I have, then everything goes negative from there.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:But if I focus on what I have, what I'm capable of, and where I want to go, then my energy flows there. I don't know. I'll let you have that.
SPEAKER_02:Well, to go a little science-y with it, right? We have what's called a reticular activating system. This is the filter.
SPEAKER_04:She's smart.
SPEAKER_02:This is the filter that our brain uses in everything it sees, right? This, I mean, you could translate this to your perception. And so what we speak out loud, our brain then looks for evidence of that. And so if I have this mindset of my husband's a jerk, sometimes, and I've been guilty of it many times, right? Instead of my husband's having a hard week or whatever, right? My brain is going to look for evidence of that. If I have the mindset of my marriage sucks and I'm stuck and I can't do anything, I'm powerless in this, my brain will look for evidence of that. And so it requires the intentionality of what do you want to create in your marriage? Take that all the way back to literally what you speak out loud. If you want to create an environment of communication, start speaking that out loud. You know, I want to connect with my husband. I want to, you know, um, edify my husband. I want to encourage my husband. Taking it all the way back to setting your personal intentions allows you to take control of how you think, which then causes your brain to look for evidence of that, which then controls how you feel. What you feel influences what you do, and what you do influences the environment you create. Going all the way back to taking control of your thoughts, literally can completely change the way you show up in your marriage, which then can completely change your marriage just from just from not taking ownership there.
SPEAKER_04:Absolutely. This reflects in business too, right? If you say, I can't be an entrepreneur, then your brain, your cells go, Yes, sir, we can't be an entrepreneur. Or if you says you change it and you say, How can I be an entrepreneur? Yeah, then you start it starts going, okay, what do I need to do? What do I need to learn? What do I need to create in order to go down this path? And so, yeah, your thoughts equal your reality.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I know. I'm so aligned with that.
SPEAKER_01:It's mine, it's mine, damn it. No, it's yours, it is yours.
SPEAKER_02:I give you all credit.
SPEAKER_01:So uh, so I want to add to that. So um a lot of times we get stuck in um in a place of it. I call the spin cycle, right? And it's our thoughts. It's literally, I am um my husband's a jerk, right? Let me just play with that one a little bit, shall we? So my husband's a jerk, my husband's a jerk. You know, the the thing that you know with neuron coding, for instance, is we as soon as you know and you realize, hey, I'm in that spin cycle of whatever that is, which causes strength, uh, stress, anxiety, overwhelm, all the stuff, right? Um, as soon as you realize it, if you stop, change your physiology, put a smile on your face so it releases all of the good hormones and everything else, you can change your mood in a second and and change it into, again, like you're saying, what you actually want to think. Um, so I just want to put that out there that it's very easy once you realize you're there and you want to change, because here's the reality: sometimes we just want to be pissed off, right? But there are the skill sets just to switch it. And that's one of them I just wanted to bring up real quick. Um, you change your physiology, put your shoulders back, take a deep breath, smile, and think about what you really want. Like you guys are saying, right? When you focus on what you want, you're gonna go that way. And then those thoughts and those words and all that beautiful stuff you just said comes to life. So thank thank you for bringing that up, guys.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, no, no, yeah, hands down. And that that's what you control. You have full control over that. That's your business. Other people's business is the exact same thing, what they think, feel, do, and create. And you have zero control here. You have influence here, but you have no control here. Perfect example. I was teaching a seminar for a group of managers and I asked them, who is responsible for getting the work done? And they're like, uh, us, of course, because you know, we make the big bucks and that's what we get paid for. It was fun. We got a lot of answers. And I said, absolutely not. I said, you are not responsible for doing the work. In fact, your frontline employees, they do the work. That's what they do. They control that. Your job is what you create. Are you creating an environment where the work can get done? Are you creating an environment that's toxic or beneficial? Are you creating an environment at work where they can be their best and shine their best in their God-given strengths? And when you do that, you say, you know what, I can't control what she does. Perfect example. We teach this in our coaching. I cannot make her feel loved. I am not responsible for her feelings. I'm not. Now I can influence them, hands down. I can be the jerk and I can influence them, but I am responsible for the environment that creates my reality. So am I creating a reality where she can feel loved? Am I creating an environment that is loving? So we we had a lady who went to our website, did our free coaching offer, and then signed up for the full program. And we were explaining this to her, and she's like, Oh, oh my gosh. I was like, what was that? I love that sound by the way. I love it when people do that. I'm like, what went through your head? I want to know. And she's like, 90% of my anxiety is because I'm trying to make my husband feel loved. I looked at her and I was like, Yeah, that's not your job. I said, Here's not what you do. So for the next week, right, before we meet again, focus on an environment. Are you creating an environment in your home that is loving? So she went, she did that, she came back the next week, and she's like, Kiwi, you won't believe it. Two days ago, he came to me and he's like, I feel so loved by you. I don't know what you changed or what happened, but this is incredible. And that's what we're all about, man. Because when you let go of other people's business and you focus on your business, then you can have full control over it, which lowers your anxiety right off the bat.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_04:And then there's guys that yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, real quick before we move to that, and we have about five minutes left. I can't believe it's almost time right now. Yeah, okay. Because we have so many other things to talk about. But I I love just what you said, right? You are in control. And when people feel like they're in control, they stop being the victim. And it and it's very easy and comfortable for people to be the victim, and it becomes a problem when we get into all kinds of other aspects we don't have time to talk about right now. But uh, when it becomes secondary gain and it becomes their I am statement, if you will, et cetera, which I'm sure you guys are familiar with. So, because then it be then it's harder to change, right? So really pay attention to you know exactly what what um I don't want to call you Kiwi, I was gonna call you David. No, it's all good. Um, but really, really pay attention to what he said because it's super important. I I love that. So I think there's a third set of business we can get into.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. All right, yeah, we'll make it short and then we'll we'll wrap it up with the lasagna closer. Um, that story is a fun story. There's 10 years of stories there in that. But anyway, um, so God's business. God's business is everything outside of what you control and what other people control. So think the blooming of a flower, the timing of the results, uh, natural disasters, right? I can stress about a hurricane all day long and it ain't gonna change its course. So when I focus on what I can create, I focus on the garden, I focus on the soil, I focus on watering it and getting it ready. I focus even on planting the seed. No matter what I do, I can't make it germinate. The growth, the results, and the fruit are all up to God. And when you say, you know what, I've done everything I can at the end of the day, you can rest peacefully knowing God's got the rest.
SPEAKER_01:Love it. Absolutely love it. Alexis, anything to add to that?
SPEAKER_04:Just let's go. I do, because I tend to over talk her. So I'm trying really hard not to. Oh, got it, got it, got it.
SPEAKER_02:So when it comes to applying that in a marriage, right? When we go back to how am I showing up? How am I thinking about my spouse? Am I choosing gratitude? Am I choosing grace? Right again, going straight to my husband's a jerk versus my husband's going through some things at work right now. And yes, it's affecting our family, but how can I support him in that, right? Or, you know, we're in a hard season, and how do we get out of this? Understanding that you're on the same team is huge. Um, but then getting into, you know, how do I create the environment that allows me to show up as my best self, that supports my husband, my husband or spouse in showing up as their best self. And then knowing that your focus has to be on what you do when the results happen, when they have a season change, when you know he turns around and decides that he wants to show up in the same energy. I don't control that. But I get to control, I love it. I my thoughts make my reality, right? And how I show up in everything that I do.
SPEAKER_01:I absolutely love that. I I love that you you you say that. And thank you. Um, I all I know though is our SEO is gonna skyrocket because how many times you guys said your thoughts were reality. Yes.
SPEAKER_04:All right. Well, it just aligns with who we are and what we're all about.
SPEAKER_01:No, it does. And the funny thing is, like, I and honestly, you guys have said so many things that I I am so aligned with. And when we talked originally, um, I knew that already, right? Uh, there's so many just things that everything you said, I'm like, yeah, yeah, in the back of my head, because of the same things and same uh things that I learned, have taught. Because honestly, guys, I'm sure you guys are the same. There's nothing you teach other people you don't do yourself. Right? You're not teaching you're not teaching theory, you're teaching reality of what you know, and that's why people connect because they feel, hey, these people are experts in what they do because they've done it as well. I didn't just learn.
SPEAKER_04:It took us years to learn some of the stuff that we teach people in 30 minutes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely, but that's about getting further faster, right? Which is fantastic, absolutely fantastic. So, um, with that said, guys, um, I want to ask you um three tips to get veterans and their families further faster. It can be things we already talked about, it can be brand new, and I'd love to get some tips from both of you guys.
SPEAKER_04:All right, I'll give a tip and then you give a tip.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:So one of the tips that I would give is what's in your coffee cup? The reason I ask that is if you have a coffee cup and somebody comes around the corner and bumps into you, you spill coffee. You're like, oh, you spilled coffee all over me. Well, that's not true. Because if you had a coffee cup full of tea and someone came around the corner and spilled, then you would spill tea. What's inside you spills out of you. So my question and my best tip is what are you filling yourself up with? Are you listening to podcasts like this one? It's an amazing thing to build you up, give you better insights, or are you filling it with entertainment? Are you filling it with something that just numbs the pain, or are you feeling something that helps overcome the pain? So, what's in your coffee cup would be the best one.
SPEAKER_02:I would say be very intentional about your connection points. One of the things that we teach, and we've done this for years because it made all of the difference for us, is we do what we call couch time. And so five to 10 minutes a day, we sit down and we just connect. And there we had to put some rules in place, right? Um, this is not event session. We're not talking about anything that's gonna work its way into a fight. It's literally just even the simple as just how's your day, how was your day? What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest part of your day? You know, is there anything I can do to support you today? Yeah. And it's just that super intentional connection. And you could do it in five minutes, right? So even, I mean, we do this with three little kids running around being crazy and chaotic, but putting in those super intentional points of connection every day lets you get back to that place of remembering why you like the person you married so much, even in these difficult seasons.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely love it. Absolutely, because there are seasons, right? Thank you for saying that. There are seasons, it's not all the honeymoon phase for 50 years. Yeah, absolutely. And and I I I love that you said creating that. Intention. And here's what I'm going to also add to that if I can, really quick, is talk about it and create the intention ahead of time. And I know you guys would teach us if we had more time, but stop and take the time to say, hey, every day at this time when the kids are in bed or whatever the case may be, or outside, I'm going to take my coffee or my tea and go outside and sit for five minutes and watch the sun come up and just create that intention every day. I think it's absolutely amazing what you just said, Alexis. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Can I do one more?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. You got the last one.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. The last one, and I kind of touched on this earlier, is remember that you're on the same team. Oh, hands down. When we first get married and we're standing there and we're saying our vows, and it's for better or for worse, for rich or for poor, in sickness and in health. We've got this, baby. And then in a very short amount of time, it turns from we've got this to, well, if you didn't do that, we wouldn't have this problem. And if you didn't act like you know, sorry.
SPEAKER_03:Oh man.
SPEAKER_02:I'm sorry. I'll apologize later.
SPEAKER_04:No, good. Sorry. I derailed you.
SPEAKER_02:When you remember that it is you and them versus the problem, it goes from you're annoying me to this situation is a problem. How do we work through this together? And so that same team mentality is so powerful for getting you back in alignment together to work on facing life's problems as a team. Because you don't have to walk through life alone. That's the whole purpose of marriage, is to be partners and do this together. And so get back in alignment of it's you and me first versus the problem.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely love that. Absolutely love that. Because it feels so much better when it's you and me for sure. Absolutely. Um love what, love the three tips. Thank you guys. So, how do people reach out to you? And um, I know you guys are working on exciting, uh, some exciting things that you're doing. So, talk about that real quick if we can as well.
SPEAKER_04:Absolutely. Yeah. So, one of the things we've done right now is we took years of study and coaching and smashed it all and said, What are the key things people need to know that will truly transform their marriages and their work life to reclaim their energy and their purpose and their presence? And so we launched a six-week coaching program. You can go to David and AlexisKiwi.org and you can actually sign up for a free session. We're big on try before you buy. Come try 30-minute session, see if it's like, oh my gosh, this is exactly what I've been looking for my whole life. I need this right now. Um, and then once you're there, if you're like, yes, this is for me, then you can buy that coaching offer at that time. What this will do too is it gives you years and I think it's what is it,$48,000 worth of coaching. You don't have to pay that much, by the way. Way less than that. And you do it in six weeks. That you get the tools that you need to build that foundation in your marriage, in your relationships upon which your success can thrive.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely love it. Um, and and a one-time offer for your thoughts reality podcast will not mean$48,000. I'm joking. Um, you guys, this has been absolutely fantastic. Um, thank you both for being on here and just giving tips and tools to get veterans and their families further, faster. Super appreciate. And I've had a blast with you guys. Even before we got on the podcast, I was having a blast with you guys. So uh would love to uh offer to have you guys come back on. I know there are so many more other things we can be talking about as well, if that sounds good to you guys.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. Thank you for having us.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, absolutely. Um, and with that said, guys, time is the most precious resource we have as human beings. We do not get it back. So I just want to thank you again for spending some time with our audience, with me, um, of your life to really just better people's lives. So I want to say thank you. My pleasure. And on that note, everybody, we're out.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of Your Thoughts, your reality podcast with your host, Michael Cole. We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you. To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit Empower Performance Strategies.com. Remember, your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count. Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire. Catch you on the next episode.