[0:15 - 0:17]: In the case of nuclear or radiological.
[0:17 - 0:20]: Fallout, people living around potential targets.
[0:25 - 0:28]: You shouldn't leave your shelter until officials say so.
[0:32 - 0:34]: This is the emergency broadcast system.
[0:34 - 0:41]: This is not a test. Repeat, this is not a test. Citizens are advised to take the following steps.
[0:41 - 0:43]: Stay alert to news media events or.
[0:43 - 0:45]: Local emergency alert notifications.
Houston [1:01 - 1:10]: Wait, these idiots haven't died yet. We're actually continuing this story. Fine. Previously on the big Red button.
Dallas [1:10 - 1:14]: Well, why don't you boys come on over here and, uh, take a load off?
Houston [1:14 - 1:15]: I ain't heard hiding or hair of.
Dallas [1:16 - 1:17]: Nobody in a couple days.
Jake [1:17 - 1:24]: Turns out there's a whole lot more cannibals, and they just don't think it's safe to stay here anymore. So they're heading down to new Detroit.
Dallas [1:24 - 1:26]: Uh, where are you boys going?
Jake [1:26 - 1:31]: When we talked last time, we had thought maybe going to new Detroit would make sense.
Gotfree [1:31 - 1:36]: It appears that fate of poor Phyllis depends on us locating a female figure.
Jake [1:36 - 1:46]: Those are our two choices. A couple days north or a couple days south. And we can't pick both. Carl, the whole town's heading south. You at least need to know that much.
Houston [1:46 - 1:48]: I can't leave Phyllis behind.
Dallas [1:48 - 2:11]: But you moved me so much, and I. You know what? I went over to Randall's, and he's got a safe. I got the safe combination right here. So I'm gonna give that to you boys. You make your way to the dusty bathtub, it opens. And inside you find an issue of an astoundingly awesome tails comic book.
Jake [2:11 - 2:21]: Once we solve the problem of cannibals, I feel like this is home. Dustridge is where we belong, so I don't wanna steal from everybody right now.
Gotfree [2:21 - 2:27]: I've been here for two weeks. Loot away. I want to go to Mayor Evelyn's office.
Dallas [2:27 - 2:28]: Oh, boy.
Jake [2:29 - 2:31]: What would be in Mayor Evelyn's office?
Gotfree [2:31 - 2:32]: Hopefully Mayor Evelyn.
Dallas [2:37 - 2:45]: And you also find, as you're going through a small, little mister handy action figure that it looks like she has been keeping away.
Gotfree [2:45 - 2:49]: We should probably go and hurry outside the establishment.
Jake [2:50 - 2:51]: That was weird, Houston.
Dallas [2:52 - 3:04]: So as you're digging through your things, you find a baseball bat. And on the side of it, it says old iron pin. So you found your iron pin that you didn't, you forgot.
Gotfree [3:04 - 3:06]: Yay, sports.
Dallas [3:06 - 3:18]: And you find a pearl handled 44 Magnum pistol. But sitting beside that pistol is a small mister handy action figure.
Jake [3:18 - 3:20]: Godfrey, buddy, are you good?
Gotfree [3:20 - 3:31]: Yes. I very quickly pop the pneumatic hatch, place the figure inside and close it. I'm ready. Yes. Your instrument of violence. Yes, yes, yes, I know. I can tell. How excited. You are, definitely.
Jake [3:31 - 3:34]: So you pick something. I'm not pushing it right now. I'm not pushing.
Gotfree [3:35 - 3:37]: It's inconsequential. Please move on, Mister Dwager.
Dallas [3:37 - 4:01]: You take one last longing look at Dustridge, a concerned look at Carl's cabin, and then you turn out and head out of town, maybe for the last time. All right, welcome back, everybody, to our next episode of the Big Red Button. Yeah. You know what that means.
Gotfree [4:01 - 4:02]: Yeah.
Dallas [4:02 - 4:03]: Nobody's died yet.
Houston [4:03 - 4:05]: Aren't I technically immortal?
Jake [4:05 - 4:05]: What?
Dallas [4:06 - 4:08]: Yet is the operative word there.
Jake [4:08 - 4:13]: The raiders don't count. The cannibals don't count. How does this die who dies thing work?
Dallas [4:13 - 4:20]: The world is on fire around you, but you guys are just skipping through life without a care in the world.
Jake [4:21 - 4:23]: Honestly, that's for the best, right?
Dallas [4:23 - 4:30]: Yeah. And skipping around in this field of daffodils is Cody, who is playing our beloved Houston.
Houston [4:30 - 4:38]: I'm extremely confused about dying, yet aren't I technically immortal? Does this mean I have a possibility of death? I need answers.
Dallas [4:38 - 4:50]: You could still potentially fall on a rake and die. Or drown, probably. I think. I think you just have. You've survived this long for hundreds of years.
Jake [4:50 - 4:56]: I was about to make a Simpsons reference, but then I realized that neither Cody nor William have seen the reference.
Gotfree [4:56 - 4:58]: Like the Simpsons, I'm not 50 yet.
Dallas [4:58 - 4:59]: I'm not allowed to watch it.
Jake [4:59 - 5:06]: So the reference of Sideshow Bob stepping onto a whole bunch of rakes means nothing? Oh, nothing.
Gotfree [5:06 - 5:07]: I know that episode.
Dallas [5:09 - 5:22]: You do have two Murphys on this. So if Murphy's law has ever magnifying glass fried a bug more than it has this little institution here, then something.
Houston [5:22 - 5:27]: Tells me that our game master has known someone who died by stepping on a rake.
Jake [5:27 - 5:29]: Or we just watch too much tv.
Dallas [5:29 - 5:43]: Yeah, those lines are blurred. It's one of those things. We also have with us William playing our wonderful shiny companion, Goblin.
Gotfree [5:43 - 5:49]: Hello. Yes. You got the pronunciation right. So I don't need to say the thing again. Wow.
Jake [5:49 - 5:50]: That's growth right there.
Dallas [5:50 - 5:52]: It is. Training him.
Jake [5:52 - 5:56]: I didn't know a robot could have growth, but that's growth. I'm proud of you.
Dallas [5:57 - 6:06]: Crawling out through the falling out. I said that first one wrong. Is Alex reprising the role of Jake Winger?
Jake [6:07 - 6:32]: Yes, I am Jake. I grew up in a vault. My parents grew up in a vault. Their parents grew up in a vault. And things got really bad. So then I became a scavenger, and now I work with a robot and a zombie person. Sorry. Sorry. Houston. A ghoul. Ghoul. Excuse me. So, yeah, things are not great, but I am alive, as we have already pointed out. So I guess it could always be worse.
Dallas [6:34 - 6:40]: So I would like to think that in your vault, you just watched Simpsons episodes on loop your entire life.
Jake [6:40 - 6:55]: You know, we already know the Simpsons is one of the longest running shows in the history of television, but the idea that it would have started back in fallout times and run until the bombs dropped, that has got to be a new record, right?
Dallas [6:55 - 6:59]: There it is. It wouldn't, like, it wouldn't be outside.
Houston [6:59 - 7:07]: The realm of possibility if there was a vault that was modeled right after Springfield in the Simpsons. Like, there was a Simpsons vault somewhere.
Dallas [7:07 - 7:23]: That they're manipulating problem prop where the bombs came from. So you guys are on the move, headed north, because you guys did decide to go north instead of going southeast to New Detroit. What are we doing?
Jake [7:23 - 8:14]: Well, when we left town, a whole roving band of cannibals was heading towards Dustridge. So our town left to go to New Detroit, to the south. But we were tipped off that there was a synth, a synthetic human robot who was a female model wearing a red leather duster jacket, and she had headed north. And if we find her, then we can go give that intel to the brotherhood of steel, and they will give us a fusion core for our good friend Carl, crazy Carl, who's still hiding out in town, hoping that the cannibals don't find him. But when we give him that core, then he can get his robot companion, Phyllis, started back up again. And we love Carl so much that we are now tracking down the synth.
Dallas [8:14 - 8:36]: Shows that you guys have a heart. As your hearts all grew, uh, or if you had a heart where your processor is grew, uh, you feel like, you know, maybe in life, you've leveled up a little bit all the way to level two. Have we leveled up?
Jake [8:36 - 8:41]: Level two? Level two, level no one. No one.
Gotfree [8:41 - 8:42]: What does that mean?
Dallas [8:42 - 9:09]: So you guys have all leveled up to level two. So that means that your hit points have gone up one. And that also means that you get to level up a skill one, and you get a perk, just one. And that that'll round out our leveling up process. That makes you guys more wise and hopefully a little bit more survivable, maybe likable, depending on the skill that you.
Jake [9:09 - 9:12]: We get one of our special attributes.
Dallas [9:12 - 9:18]: There was a level, not an attribute. Those stay the same. You get a skill and a perk.
Jake [9:18 - 9:52]: A skill and a perk. Okay, so I'm going to go with a skill of small guns, which is going to give me more accuracy with pistols, rifles, and shotguns. So I'm going to add that skill there. And then I'm going to pick up the hunter perk because as we head north. Yes, we know there are some cannibals, but I am. I'm worried that there are going to be some critters heading our way. And so the hunter allows me to have a better attack on animals.
Dallas [9:52 - 9:57]: Okey dokey. That's hunter is what you're adding.
Jake [9:57 - 9:58]: Yes.
Dallas [9:58 - 10:12]: There you go. So you're all perked up. You're all small. You have one point in small guns now. And you're good to go. Good to go. Houston. You're leveling up now. So what would you like to do?
Houston [10:12 - 10:29]: Alright, so it looks like though I'm a prolific USA Today best selling author, um, I have no speaking abilities. So I'm gonna. I wanna up update my speech.
Jake [10:29 - 10:29]: My.
Houston [10:29 - 10:35]: My. My speech up here. And considering that I just received a comic book.
Dallas [10:35 - 10:35]: Gotcha.
Houston [10:35 - 10:53]: And I didn't even know they still made those in this world, I think I'm going to go for the perk of comprehension where Max rank one. After you use the bonus gain from reading a magazine, roll one. D six. If you roll an effect, you may use that bonus one additional time.
Jake [10:53 - 10:59]: Oh, and you're the only one who has a comic right now, so that's perfect. You'll get the skill times two. That's great.
Houston [11:00 - 11:00]: Yes.
Dallas [11:00 - 11:09]: I'm digging it. I am digging it. So you are leveled up. I'm for Godfrey. What do we got? Godfrey.
Gotfree [11:09 - 11:27]: Well, thank you for the accolades. I do believe I'd like to use this to increase my medicine. Not necessarily for myself, but these biologic bodies are. Well, they're weak, so they're gonna need all the help that I can give them.
Jake [11:28 - 11:30]: I would be mad, but he's right.
Gotfree [11:32 - 11:57]: And then as far as my perks, I do like the sound of this adamantium skeleton. Whenever you suffer damage, the amount of damage needed to inflict a critical hit on you increases by your rank in this perk. For example, if you have one rank in this perk, you suffer a critical hit from six or more damage rather than five. Each time you take this perk, the level requirement increases by three.
Jake [11:58 - 12:03]: Yeah, that's fancy speak. Can you put it in stupid English for me?
Gotfree [12:03 - 12:05]: I become so you.
Dallas [12:05 - 12:07]: You just get harder to smash.
Gotfree [12:07 - 12:12]: Like, I become more difficult to destroy. Master winger.
Jake [12:12 - 12:13]: Nice.
Houston [12:13 - 12:14]: That's unfortunate.
Gotfree [12:17 - 12:22]: I do it for the outside threats, and I do it for the inside ones.
Jake [12:23 - 12:26]: And with that, I think that's all three of us leveled up.
Dallas [12:28 - 12:43]: You guys have been walking north, uh, discussing your predicament and. And looking for any sign of this lady in red that. That may have passed up this way.
Jake [12:43 - 12:50]: Hey, Houston, you're an author, and you're good with words, so I I know a little bit of English, right?
Houston [12:50 - 12:51]: And you could call it English.
Jake [12:51 - 13:02]: Yeah. Well, so predicament kind of implies, like, the existence of a dicament and a post dicament is. Are those. Are those words?
Houston [13:02 - 13:10]: I just shake my head lightly, whack them upside the head, and just carry on and roll my eyes.
Jake [13:10 - 13:12]: Okay, good chat. Good chat.
Dallas [13:12 - 13:15]: We've not quite made it to the post dicament yet.
Jake [13:18 - 13:20]: Oh, no, we're currently in a dicament.
Dallas [13:21 - 14:04]: Yeah, you guys, before you went north, before you were in the predicament, got in. Still in that old dicament. So you guys are all kinds of nervous, because not only are you on the lookout for some sort of mythological synth creature that may or may not snatch you up in the middle of the night and replace you with a robot variant, but also, there's a mythological Wendigo culture tribe, allegedly, that's out here as well, that may gobble up your legs and save the rest of you for later. So every crack of a tree branch, every rock that moves under your feet makes you a little jump.
Gotfree [14:04 - 14:05]: Why are the rocks moving under me?
Dallas [14:05 - 14:34]: And now night has fallen. It's dark, and you guys are on the lookout for any clue or anything that could lead you to this synth that you're trying to find that is somewhere in the northern half of Michigan. And that is where you guys are right now, walking a. Not even really a trail through the woods and crap and cars that are strewn about Michigan.
Jake [14:34 - 14:51]: I mean, we've passed the usual broken trees, scrub brush just popping up along the. The turf, some burned out cars, but I don't see a whole lot on first glance, and I'm getting a little wary.
Gotfree [14:52 - 15:05]: I hover out in the middle of this clearing and do a full 360 of my surroundings, trying to pick up anything unusual or abnormal.
Dallas [15:05 - 15:07]: It is dark. Dark?
Gotfree [15:07 - 15:11]: Well, yes, but have you seen the size of my apertures?
Dallas [15:13 - 15:18]: You do have lights on yourself there, Godfrey, that you could click on?
Gotfree [15:18 - 15:28]: I prefer. I prefer to use my wide aperture and slow shutter speed as to not draw attention to myself.
Jake [15:30 - 15:49]: I feel like I hear maybe a trickling sound, like water over to my right. So I'm gonna start to explore over to the right. I think when I look at my map, it's the small river that we're nearby?
Dallas [15:49 - 15:49]: Yeah.
Jake [15:49 - 15:54]: So I think that's what it is. I'm gonna start heading that way. You guys wanna join me?
Gotfree [15:54 - 15:56]: Well, I don't want to be left behind.
Jake [15:56 - 15:59]: All right, so I start heading to my right.
Dallas [15:59 - 16:02]: So as you're heading to your right, you hear a sound.
Jake [16:04 - 16:11]: I freeze, immediately drop really, really low to the ground. Whisper like, get down, get down. Be quiet.
Gotfree [16:11 - 16:16]: I use propulsion systems. I hover at a predetermined height above the ground.
Jake [16:16 - 16:21]: I know. So stay back. Godfrey. Godfrey, can you do a scan of the area?
Dallas [16:21 - 16:26]: Yeah, give me a roll there, Godfrey, of perception and survival.
Gotfree [16:26 - 16:31]: Perception and survival. Um. Um, well, eleven.
Jake [16:33 - 16:33]: Here.
Gotfree [16:33 - 16:36]: Survival is to my perception.
Dallas [16:36 - 16:37]: You need a nine.
Gotfree [16:37 - 16:39]: Oh, dear.
Jake [16:39 - 16:39]: Here.
Gotfree [16:39 - 16:41]: There goes another 119.
Dallas [16:43 - 16:52]: Okay, so as you are peeking around, looking, you knock into a tree, you hear a growl.
Gotfree [16:52 - 16:54]: Uh oh. What? What was that?
Dallas [16:55 - 17:05]: And it's too dark. And just right below the threshold of you being able to see, well, you hear a growl just out into the distance where you can't see left or right.
Gotfree [17:06 - 17:09]: I have three arms. I perceive in every direction. Give me a cardinal direction.
Jake [17:10 - 17:15]: I slowly retreat back behind the tree with Godfrey. I slowly step back behind the tree.
Dallas [17:15 - 17:19]: Well, I'm gonna need you to roll now, this dwarf.
Jake [17:19 - 17:20]: Oh, boy.
Dallas [17:20 - 17:27]: I'm going to need you to roll an agility sneak, which you have zero. And your agility is a five.
Jake [17:28 - 17:30]: Oh, boy. Yeah.
Dallas [17:30 - 17:32]: Let's go, ninja boy. Let's see what you got.
Jake [17:32 - 17:47]: I'm rolling a 14 wheel. Let me see if I can do better. Here we go. I'm stumbling backwards. I'm hoping to regain a little sense of balance. I roll a three. I catch myself in midair.
Dallas [17:48 - 17:56]: You catch yourself and hold your breath as you tiptoe on your tippiest of toes. Back to the rest of the crew.
Jake [17:56 - 17:58]: I think I did it.
Gotfree [17:58 - 17:59]: I think I got it.
Dallas [17:59 - 18:09]: But you can hear things snapping, and it sounds fairly. It doesn't sound like this is a small animal just making noise.
Gotfree [18:10 - 18:12]: Listen. I feel like we're surrounded, guys.
Jake [18:13 - 18:17]: The only way out is. Is forward. Let's do this.
Gotfree [18:17 - 18:20]: You could get us killed. And I can't die.
Jake [18:20 - 18:30]: I swing wide while I'm still in this low crouch. Very slowly. And I see the shell, this husk of a burnt out car over here. And I hunker down next to it.
Gotfree [18:30 - 18:31]: Watch the wing await for me.
Jake [18:31 - 18:43]: And over in the distance, I can see it looks like the shapes of maybe three. Three dogs. Mongrel dogs, it looks like.
Dallas [18:43 - 19:12]: Yes. You are just within range of one of these mongrel dogs. The wasteland has not been kind to humans, and it has definitely not been kind to man's best friend, the dog. So these dogs have been surviving for generations and generations and generations, and they are vicious. They are meant and to. They are hungry, and they are now looking at you all.
Jake [19:12 - 19:42]: I move around the backside of the car, even closer to the river, while keeping an eye on the dogs. And I see that there's this fallen tree ahead of me. And I still in that crouch, I walk up. I know that I've moved myself a little more into the open, but this tree, I'm hoping, is going to provide just enough cover. And I raise the 44 magnum at the first dog. Aim. Center of mass, and I fire.
Dallas [19:43 - 19:47]: So you fire at the first dog that's closest to you.
Jake [19:47 - 19:48]: Five. Crap.
Dallas [19:48 - 20:07]: So you pull out your 44 magnum, this being the first time you've ever shot this gun, and the bullet goes way over these mongrels heads. You've now learned a valuable lesson in how this weapon works. They have also now learned a valuable lesson in how bad you guys are.
Gotfree [20:07 - 20:28]: I throw all of my arms up into the air. I turn on every floodlight that I have. I play every speaker, the highest decibel that I can muster, and I spin on the spot, and I come streaking across the wasteland, saying, for queen and country.
Jake [20:32 - 20:32]: Are you.
Dallas [20:32 - 20:34]: Are you flying towards them or away from them?
Gotfree [20:35 - 20:36]: No, no, no.
Dallas [20:36 - 20:45]: Over here, over here. We're going to use your luck and athletics together. So you're going to need to roll a seven.
Gotfree [20:47 - 20:49]: Not to roll.
Dallas [20:53 - 21:07]: So you definitely make it across the field. But you succeeded in getting all of their attention, and they all turn towards you, and the first dog starts leaping towards you.
Gotfree [21:07 - 21:10]: Stick that in your maw and chew it.
Dallas [21:11 - 21:56]: The mongrel, the first one that was closest to you, takes off galloping towards you, Godfrey, and it decides it's close, going to latch on to one of your pincers. So it grabs a hold and it shakes with all of its might. But because you are made of substantial material, it does not do much to you as you shake it off. And it lands. Now, tit that it did not do anything to you, but it is not going to give up that easily, and neither are its buddies, because the next in line, also because you succeeded in your quest to, you know, draw a lot of attention to yourself, it also goes to grab ahold of you as well.
Jake [21:56 - 21:57]: No, no, no.
Dallas [21:58 - 22:00]: You decided to roll that one.
Gotfree [22:00 - 22:16]: And I feel like I need to be rewarded for these roles. This does not feel like a success. I. I have slipped through a ripping a dimension into a parallel universe where the dices are reversed. I rolled a natural one.
Jake [22:16 - 22:17]: Uh, it.
Dallas [22:17 - 22:34]: It hurts you. It has taken three, uh, of your health away. You are hurting a little bit. Uh, but it lets go as you are leaking a little bit of oil. And because you got your wish, here comes mongrel number three.
Jake [22:34 - 22:35]: Run it.
Dallas [22:35 - 22:37]: Uh, and it attacks as well.
Gotfree [22:37 - 22:40]: Excuse me, will one of you idiots take a shot?
Dallas [22:40 - 22:52]: That happens so fast because these dogs are lightning quick because they've had to survive in the wasteland by themselves. But Houston has now gone into action.
Houston [22:52 - 23:02]: I come up behind the dogs with my good old trusty iron pen, and I just wail at the first dog, beating it upside the head.
Dallas [23:02 - 23:14]: Whoa. You hit the dog hard, knocking it to the side, and it is now limping. One of its legs is pretty badly banged up, so it has got a limp going.
Jake [23:14 - 23:44]: I hear the commotion. I see my friends in distress, and I'm. I'm charging up. I'm charging up the side of the riverbank to get closer range. I take aim at the same dog that Houston just smacked as it sprawled out over the ground. I've learned my lesson from that first shot with the the 44, and I aim at that dog laying there on the ground, and I fire.
Dallas [23:44 - 23:57]: Oh, you hit it. Ooh, you killed it. You blasted a hole through this dog. It went through its right arm, and then it hit it straight in the chest. Let's go.
Jake [23:57 - 24:06]: You should see me now, sheriff. You should see me now, sheriff iron hand. I told you I wouldn't be a failure my whole life. Let's go.
Gotfree [24:06 - 24:42]: In a moment of just cathartic realization at my true potential, I raise all of my arms up, and I spin them around in front of me. The pincer goes by in line with the dog. No. It continues on around my body. The buzz saw spins in front of me, and I think, oh, the carnage. The carnage. No. And it continues around me. My flamethrower swings around in front of my face, and the floodlight above my head comes on, and I activate it straight at the dog in front of me.
Dallas [24:43 - 26:21]: Oh. And because you are so close, flames bathe the dog, and it does severe damage to this dog. It has nowhere to go, so it catches on fire. Fire. The darkness that was around you is now lit up like the morning dawn as this dog is now crackling and aflame. Its dry, cracked skin was the perfect tender for the really overdone amount of flamer fuel that you launched at this dog, and it is now howling and running in circles because it is just mass chaos as it is on fire. Running in circles. It bumps into the dead form of the dog that is now expired, catching it on fire as well as it ran past the. The living dog that is still untouched, jumped out of the way just at the last second as it ran by, not fazed at all by itself. Companion being a giant torch at this point. Flaming dog, who is running away at this point, bumping into all kinds of things, setting another tree on fire as it runs, squalling and hollering as it goes through. And those are the eastern Kentucky words that we use for dogs running away who are on fire. Squalling and hollering. Squalling and hollering. Mongrel number two, who is now taking this opportunity to jump at Godfrey, takes another attack.
Gotfree [26:21 - 26:23]: Why is it always me?
Dallas [26:23 - 26:38]: In the chaos of your spinning and flailing arms and the heat coming off of your flamer, it misses as it jumps past you, leaving it wide open for Mister McKinley.
Houston [26:38 - 26:51]: I come to the nearest dog, the other dog. I go in with my baseball bat, still old iron pin, still trusty in hand. And I just give another swing upside the head.
Dallas [26:52 - 27:17]: You swing with all of your might, as the bat was named after the famous baseball player old ironing pin would have done. And you swing so hard, but your 200 year old muscles just didn't connect with this dog. And you swing and miss and spin all the way around with the amount of force that you had trying to blast this dog with your baseball bat.
Jake [27:17 - 27:34]: I see the chaos unfolding between my two friends. And I think, what would Mayor Evelyn do? She would defend her people in particular, for Godfrey, of course. And I fire at the mongrel dog in between my two friends.
Dallas [27:35 - 27:52]: And you miss, too afraid to hit one of your friends. You. You aim a little high. And as you fire, it goes over the dog. And the dog doesn't even seem to even notice, because it is so wrapped up in the fact that it is going to take this robot down.
Gotfree [27:53 - 28:20]: At this point, I've realized that, well, it does indeed all depend on me. So I deactivate my thruster and I settle down on the ground to become eye level with the dog, hopefully enticing a charge. And as it does, that's when I fire up the buzzsaw and I make an attempt to drive it straight into its thoracic cavity.
Dallas [28:21 - 28:50]: So you focus so hard on trying to get this saw spooled up. But since you are a lover and not a fighter, you get a little shaky, a little squeamish. At the blood that maybe come pouring out of this. This poor dog you've watched maybe homeward bound a little too many times before you got locked in the vault. And you miss. You miss this mongrel with your giant buzz saw as close as you were.
Gotfree [28:50 - 28:54]: Because what? It's probably the mongrel's turn now.
Dallas [28:54 - 29:38]: It is the mongrel's turn. So the one that's on fire continues to run, and pieces of it are now kind of falling off, and it stops moving as it collapses in this pile of flames and gross, old cooked dog. Smell that you hear? The mongrel that ran off is now, for all purposes, cooking in its own juices. But the one that's closest to you takes a bite, and it decides you got chomp at Houston this time. And it latches on, and it tears through the paper like skin that Houston has that's all crackled and very similar to the mongrel skin itself and inflicts three damage on Houston.
Gotfree [29:40 - 29:43]: You manging mite. Get off of me. Get off of me.
Houston [29:43 - 29:44]: Get off of me.
Dallas [29:44 - 29:52]: It being the only dog still standing, Houston, it is your turn. What are you gonna do to this dog that just took. It took a bite out of crime.
Houston [29:52 - 29:59]: As the dog shakes off. As the dog shakes off, then I just make a swift kick in the ribs.
Dallas [29:59 - 30:23]: All right, so we're going to do a strength roll. Rolling for a 516. Oh, nope. You kicked and missed. But it could have been the fact that there are giant punctures in your leg from this dog taking a giant chunk out of you, mister Winger.
Jake [30:23 - 30:40]: As the dog lunged at Houston, I took my opportunity to move up a few feet. I'm not gonna let them down again. I aim the 44, hoping, praying to whatever higher power is still out there. And I roll a five.
Dallas [30:41 - 30:53]: That's a hit. You blast the daylights out of this dog. It squeals. Squall? Are we using squall still? We still. Eastern Kentucky squalls and hollers. That thing squalls.
Jake [30:54 - 30:54]: Yeah.
Dallas [30:55 - 31:48]: And it gives one last dying howl before it expires in a pool of its own blood and guts. And the fight is now what you can see over, at least between these three mangy pooches patting each other around. Lucky that Godfrey's steel body and mechanical inner workings kept him from catching anything from these nasty dogs. And we hope that Houston's irradiated form kills any bacteria and any grossness that these dogs would be carrying in their mouth. But you also wonder, what were these dogs scrounging around for. Because when you heard them, they were in one spot and they didn't really move for a while.
Jake [31:49 - 31:56]: Before we head and go anywhere, we got to do a check. Is everybody okay? Everybody all right?
Houston [31:56 - 31:59]: Am I okay? How do I check that?
Dallas [31:59 - 32:07]: Houston, you have some wounds on your leg. Godfrey, you. You got pretty chewed up. You're hurting pretty bad.
Gotfree [32:07 - 32:21]: I have been better. Moss winger. I would like to at least attempt to perform some repairs before we meet whatever else might be waiting.
Dallas [32:21 - 32:22]: You do have a robot repair kit?
Gotfree [32:22 - 32:31]: Do. And I have a six in repairs for my skills. Do I have to make a roll, or is this. Is this just a.
Dallas [32:31 - 33:02]: Use the repair kit and repair myself. It's true. Would you like to use it? You just. Physician, heal thyself. There you go. So it does most of the work for you. It has taken you all the way up to eight hp out of ten when you were at four. You're mostly better. There's some dings and scratches on one of your arms, and it does whatever the equivalent to a robot feeling pain is. You do feel a little tinge whenever you bend that arm around.
Jake [33:02 - 33:09]: Godfrey. Look at you. You're not so shiny anymore. Got some of your first dents and dings from the wasteland. Welcome, buddy.
Gotfree [33:09 - 33:11]: I guess I've earned these.
Dallas [33:11 - 33:13]: All downhill from here.
Houston [33:14 - 33:16]: Sooner or later, you're gonna end up looking like me.
Gotfree [33:17 - 33:20]: I would rather serve this structure.
Houston [33:22 - 33:31]: Oh, I can help with that. All right, now that that unpleasantness is over, I think we should probably check out what's in that burned out car.
Jake [33:31 - 33:33]: Over there where they were all congregated.
Houston [33:33 - 33:37]: Yeah, yeah, I think that might be the best, best move.
Dallas [33:37 - 33:41]: I'm gonna need a perception rule. Perception and survival for somebody.
Jake [33:41 - 33:47]: Okay. I have five perception and three survival.
Gotfree [33:47 - 33:55]: I have, um, seven in perception and two in survivor.
Jake [33:55 - 33:58]: So it's just one difference. That's good.
Houston [33:58 - 34:01]: Yeah, I have a two perception.
Gotfree [34:02 - 34:03]: Okay, I will roll.
Dallas [34:03 - 34:16]: Well, Houston is a philosopher of sorts. Hey, that gets it done. You wanna give it another roll? Let's just see what happens. 16. We'll just.
Gotfree [34:16 - 34:27]: It was this day with the seven, so I do. Yes, I woke up to the wreckage of the car and make some proceedings.
Dallas [34:27 - 34:44]: You kick your lights on as you look around and you see that there is blood everywhere, that there. Something happened in this area because there is lots of footprints all around. Some of the footprints are huge.
Gotfree [34:44 - 34:51]: What have I done? What. What else could have attracted the carnivorous beasts?
Dallas [34:51 - 35:10]: As you're looking around, you see lots and lots of smaller footprints mixed around with the big ones, but tucked kind of jammed into the windshield of this old busted up vehicle. You see what looks kind of like maybe a helmet.
Gotfree [35:10 - 35:11]: Masteringer, what is this?
Jake [35:12 - 35:25]: What is this a. Let me, let me see if I can figure it out. See if there's some kind of markings. I'm going to roll to see if there's a name inside or a brand.
Dallas [35:25 - 35:29]: Or we're going to do an intelligence with that one.
Jake [35:29 - 35:29]: All right.
Dallas [35:29 - 35:31]: Intelligence and science.
Jake [35:31 - 35:43]: So I have a seven and a two respectively, and I am rolling a three. Nice. Let's see if I can get something even better.
Dallas [35:45 - 36:01]: I rolled a double oh, double threes. So you pick up the helmet and you immediately recognize this helmet as a helmet to a piece of power armor from the brotherhood of steel.
Jake [36:02 - 36:12]: Guys, do you remember the three. Three guys we met like two days ago on the road back from. From Harrison?
Gotfree [36:13 - 36:17]: Yes. The one that terrified you whenever it got out of the mech suit? Hush.
Jake [36:17 - 36:26]: Don't, don't. Don't make me ask about those little toys you found in the drawers earlier. Okay? This is from one of them.
Dallas [36:27 - 36:38]: So as you feel it, it's very. It's very large and very heavy, but you tilt it, and as you tilt it, it gets lighter because a head slides out of the bottom of it onto the ground.
Jake [36:41 - 36:51]: Okay. All right. I don't want to look. I don't want to look. Houston, who is it? Who is it? Houston?
Dallas [36:51 - 36:54]: Uh, let's give another. Let's give another look see.
Jake [36:55 - 37:16]: I guess. I guess I'll look. Okay. All right, I'm gonna just. Alright, let's see if I recognize this guy at all. Okay. Rolled an 18 on first glance. It's kind of grimy. All right, I'm gonna look closer, I promise. Roll the 19. No, I can't do it. I can't.
Dallas [37:17 - 37:20]: You're too grossed out to even know what's going on here.
Jake [37:21 - 37:22]: That's a head with nobody.
Dallas [37:23 - 37:31]: Okay, so, Houston, I want you to roll an intelligence and science, which would be 679.
Houston [37:31 - 37:39]: I roll intelligence and science check. And I got a 13. All right, let's try. Let's try it again.
Dallas [37:39 - 38:40]: Roll a. Ooh. Six. Your extensive background in the world that you have lived in for centuries now lends to the fact that, you know that the. The helmet doesn't just come off of power armor, that it has to be pulled off or ground off or it has to be blown off. And this has been sheared off of the rest of the suit. So something really strong had to be used or lots of tools had to be used to get this off. And since the head steel in there was in there lends to the fact that maybe he was still alive when this happened. But also, you know, in your extensive knowledge of the world and the inner workings of the brotherhood of steel, that he would have had tags on that would have identified him as a soldier and had his name and rank on it. And since that was usually around their neck, and his head is not attached to his neck anymore, it might still be around here.
Gotfree [38:41 - 38:55]: I will float over the grass and see if I find any other identifying bits of debris lying around the wreckage.
Jake [38:55 - 39:11]: I step around to the other side of the car, and I lose all of my lunch. I'm sorry for wasting those gumdrops earlier. Oh, that's nasty. This didn't happen in the vault. This didn't happen in Dustridge.
Dallas [39:11 - 39:18]: Give me a roll there, Godfrey. So my perception in seven. Yeah, that did it.
Gotfree [39:18 - 39:20]: Is this perception in science?
Dallas [39:21 - 39:51]: No, this is survival. Cause you're peaking perception and survival. I needed a nine. A nine. And you got a nine. So you, as you look through the grass, you see slung up underneath of this car, and you reach as far as you can and you find some tags that belong to a brotherhood of steel soldier. And it says that the rank is paladin and their last name is Jeffreys.
Jake [39:52 - 39:52]: Monster winger.
Gotfree [39:52 - 39:53]: I found something.
Jake [39:53 - 39:59]: I have wiped my mouth. I wipe my mouth and I walk over. All right, what'd you find, Godfrey? What'd you find?
Gotfree [39:59 - 40:03]: It appears that the decapitated head belonged to a paladin. Jeffreys.
Jake [40:03 - 40:06]: I wish that name meant something to me.
Houston [40:06 - 40:08]: Do I know a Jeffreys?
Dallas [40:08 - 40:09]: You do not.
Houston [40:09 - 40:10]: Okay.
Jake [40:10 - 40:10]: You.
Dallas [40:10 - 40:44]: Even though you live around these parts and have for centuries, the brotherhood of steel kind of keep to themselves, so they don't really mingle with the local populace. But you do know, based on being in this part of the world and have watched the Brotherhood, that they never travel alone. Even in power armor, they don't travel alone. So the amount of blood that is here lends to believe that if they took down someone in power armor, the rest of the squad is probably also gone as well.
Jake [40:44 - 40:52]: We knew the risks we were taking by going up here. This seems like we didn't know all the risks coming up here.
Gotfree [40:52 - 41:00]: After all, you you think someone in a giant mechanical suit of armor had their head ripped off?
Jake [41:01 - 41:10]: Or sliced off? From the looks of it, it's very, very clean. Well, I did. I didn't want to look again, and I did, accidentally, out of the corner of my eye. It's still ahead on the ground.
Gotfree [41:10 - 41:26]: I take the dog tags. And I put them in my storage compartment because. And I turned to master Winger, this will be important information to deliver to the brotherhood of steel whenever we. If, when, and if we find out something about this synth.
Jake [41:26 - 41:27]: I agree.
Houston [41:27 - 41:33]: Do you have any, like, disinfectant, Godfrey? Cause the stench around here is just terrible.
Gotfree [41:33 - 41:42]: Listen, it would take. It would take the amount of disinfectant that could feel like Michigan to get rid of the stench that's in this current wasteland.
Jake [41:42 - 41:46]: I think it's time for us to spend some luck points, guys.
Gotfree [41:46 - 42:18]: Yes. Must winger, the situation does appear to be even more dire than we had anticipated. I am going to spend a luck point. It's dark. I can only point my lighting apparatus in one location at once. So I am going to spin to luck point to see if we have overlooked anything, to see if there's anything else of note or importance currently in this area.
Dallas [42:18 - 43:11]: So as you are looking around in dark and there's a lot of chaos in whatever actions ensued here, you see footprints that include the large footprints leading up to this location. So you assume that that is the location that the Brotherhood of steel was traveling. But then you see the smaller footprints that also came to this location. And then you see those same footprints, slightly bloodier. Now, leaving this location, going north. It's dark, so you have to look carefully at these footprints. But they do look. Look smaller, way smaller than the boot prints of even the dismounted brotherhood of steel that were on the ground that were not in power armor.
Gotfree [43:11 - 43:13]: Hello, everyone. Over here.
Jake [43:13 - 43:15]: What'd you find? What'd you find?
Gotfree [43:15 - 43:37]: It does appear several sets. They've all led to this area. The large ones obviously did not get away, because if they did, he was headless. I found a smaller set of footprints that do appear to be actually a little bit bloody that are leading way, and they're heading north. Hang on.
Dallas [43:37 - 43:39]: I pull out my Antono Branik device.
Gotfree [43:39 - 43:41]: And I look at the other tier.
Jake [43:41 - 43:49]: I'm like, how do you have one of those on you? Is measuring feet, like, a thing that you had to do regularly at the bank? That's incredible.
Gotfree [43:49 - 44:20]: You don't. Yes, I. In addition to managing currency inside of the vault, I was also in charge of the sanitation of the high security vault. So I had to order the little elastic booties that would go over your feet before you went and accessed your. Anyway, so I measured it. This appears to be a US size eight and a half, nine in women's, women's, women's, women, women. That's. That's what we were.
Jake [44:20 - 44:21]: That's what we're looking for.
Gotfree [44:21 - 44:22]: That's what we're looking for.
Jake [44:22 - 44:27]: Oh, no. Do you. Do you guys think that the woman did.
Gotfree [44:27 - 44:31]: She killed him. She murdered it. Ripped his head off.
Jake [44:32 - 44:38]: Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, I guess. Guys, looks like we're going north.
Dallas [44:39 - 44:54]: So as you guys are following kind of step for step, this trail leading north, there's a large, mostly dead tree in front of you. Big oak tree. And a form steps out from behind the tree.
Gotfree [44:54 - 44:57]: Wait, master winger, stop. What is that?
Jake [44:58 - 44:59]: All right. I freeze in place.
Dallas [45:00 - 45:28]: And as you guys freeze in place, a shot rings out, and it tears through Houston's shoulder. And at the same time as the shot rang out, you almost hear a breeze. As one of the optical sensors of Godfrey's is smashed into pieces as a club smashes him, and he falls to the ground screaming in agony.
Gotfree [45:31 - 45:34]: Houston, Godfrey. Houston, Godfrey.
Dallas [45:36 - 46:09]: And Jake's world goes black as a hood gets put over his head. And he gets dragged to the ground, hogtied. As he gets lifted up from the ground. And he hears more than one person surrounding him, lifting him up. As they kind of are chanting, you hear one of them say, he is going to be so pleased with us. Look at this tasty moment. So we found. And that is where we're going to end this episode.
Gotfree [46:09 - 46:10]: No.
Dallas [46:11 - 46:20]: What sadistic death question you. To be continued. You monster.
Gotfree [46:20 - 46:22]: You monster.
Houston [46:22 - 46:23]: Well done.
Jake [46:23 - 46:24]: Well done.
Gotfree [46:24 - 46:26]: How am I supposed to go to sleep after that?
Houston [46:26 - 46:29]: Um, you sleep by closing your eyes.
Dallas [46:30 - 46:32]: One of his eyes is smashed off, so.
Houston [46:32 - 46:33]: Oh, that's true.
Gotfree [46:33 - 46:33]: That's true.
Jake [46:33 - 46:34]: Yeah. Yeah.
Dallas [46:34 - 46:37]: Way to be insensitive in the moment here.
Gotfree [46:37 - 46:37]: Okay.
Jake [46:39 - 46:45]: This has been one heck of a wild ride. We could not catch a break this episode.
Dallas [46:45 - 46:46]: No.
Jake [46:46 - 47:07]: I am hopeful for our stragglers, but they are living up to their name at this point. If this is your first time listening to the big red button, thank you for stopping by. We we actually would recommend that you go back and listen to this in order. But, you know, welcome. Woof, woof. Was that a mongrel dog joke right there?
Dallas [47:07 - 47:25]: William, hopefully things pan out better for you than they did for our poor stragglers. I would hope so. We will hopefully see you next. So, from the big red button, I am overseer Dallas.
Houston [47:26 - 47:27]: I'm Houston.
Gotfree [47:27 - 47:31]: I'll be browsing Amazon later for eye patches, apparently.
Jake [47:31 - 47:41]: And apparently, I'm hog tied. So if you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat, eat my buddy Alex here. Cause he's a treat to these gambles.
Houston [47:41 - 47:43]: Don't your day job isn't going.
Jake [47:43 - 47:44]: Oh, no.
Gotfree [47:46 - 47:47]: Bravo, sir.
Dallas [47:48 - 47:51]: Bravo. Bye.
Houston [47:52 - 48:17]: The big red button is a production of the Grapefruit network. The grapefruit network? What kind of stupid name is that? To learn more about this show, visit us at Bigredbutton show and to find out more about the other. Wait, there are more? There's more of this crap about the other shows in our network? Head on over to the great. Who paid for the branding on this? This is terrible.