C1E17 | Crash, Burn, and Run

Welcome back to The Big Red Button, where survival is never guaranteed, and backup is never coming!

In this episode, the Stragglers claw their way out of the wreckage after a catastrophic crash, scattered across the wasteland and surrounded by enemies. With injuries stacking up and cannibals closing in, the crew is forced into a brutal, chaotic firefight just to stay alive.

But even when the dust settles… it becomes clear that what they just survived was only the beginning.

Episode Highlights:

Crash and Chaos:
The vertibird and Winnebago collide in a violent wreck, leaving everyone “strewn about the wasteland in varying degrees of disrepair… maybe dying.”

Back in the Fight:
Jake breaks free and makes a desperate stand while Gotfree sprints straight into danger to shield him — “My goal is his protection.”

Brutal Close Combat:
Rippers tear through armor and flesh as the cannibals press in, leaving the crew hanging on by a thread.

Super Mutant Reinforcements:
The mutants rally hard, turning the tide with devastating blows — sending bodies flying and cultists dropping fast.

Barely Standing:
With Houston on the brink and the team scrambling for supplies, survival comes down to quick thinking… and questionable medical decisions.

A Bigger Threat Emerges:
Just as the fight ends, dozens of cultists begin pouring out of the darkness — far more than the crew can handle.

Notable Quotes:

“You don’t hurt Got Free.”
“For Klawsinski and for Dustridge!”
“Drink, you idiot. Drink up.”
“Can a cannibal eat me right now, please?”

Timestamps:

(00:01:00) Table Banter & Episode Intro
(00:03:45) Recap: Crash at Mitten Point
(00:06:54) Wreckage Revealed & Survivors Regroup
(00:09:33) Combat Begins Across the Road
(00:11:31) Gotfree Advances Toward Jake
(00:18:32) Super Mutants Turn the Tide
(00:21:29) Houston’s Kamikaze Run
(00:41:08) Something Approaches…

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Alright. Are you guys ready to push the big red button? Never. For the final for the final time. The final time. What? No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Maybe. Who knows? Who knows what's about. It's the series finale of the big red button. Mm-mm. Can't. Could be depending on what things you guys make. And today we have the uh shiniest dome, the side of the demodome, Godfrey, played by our even shinier William Murphy. Hi William, how are you doing today?

SPEAKER_04 1:38

In the flesh, ladies and well no. No, I'm I'm woefully devoid of that. But in the chrome, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

How are things over there, Godfrey? How are we feeling today?

SPEAKER_04 1:49

Oh well, I have been appropriately jostled and I'm attempting to buff out some of my preliminary scratches because I have an unfortunate feeling that uh more are inbound based off of the maniacal glint in the game Masters. Eye as we lead into you this evening, but I'm trying to stay positive. As positive as my circuits will allow me.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

It's a new glass eye that I got. It's extra shiny. So it is glinty and minty. We also have the crustiest of the crusty, Houston McKinley, played by the creamiest of the creamies, Cody McMurphy.

SPEAKER_04 2:32

I'm uncomfortable. So many liquids in you flesh.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

How are you doing over there, Houston McKinley? How are how are things?

SPEAKER_03 2:40

Look, I'm just tired. I did some things in the last in the last few episodes that frankly I I hope editor the editor here will just edit out and we just don't talk about it. We just don't talk about it anymore. When you live, you live as long as I have. Thoughts come into your head. They don't make any sense. They don't make any sense. This brain is not supposed to work for this long.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

We also have the Dinger of Zingers, Jake Winger, with this played by the zingiest of the zingers. Alex Christian. Jake, how's it going?

SPEAKER_05 3:26

Well, I found out that uh Jake shares a birthday with uh a very famous serial killer, Ted Bundy, and I don't know if you're gonna give this information. That's true. I'm glad to be here. Actually, I'm not glad to be here. Um I'm as of last episode, I'm sitting inside a Winnebago getting shot at, I think. And I'm really not sure what I did of this. Yeah, so it could be a really bad. Yeah, it could be a really bad night for me if you know things go the way they go.

SPEAKER_02 4:04

It could be. Speaking of killing, last no, there it goes again. Last episode, uh, we made some some headway, kind of. You guys met up with Mr. Claws. All of the super mutants are together at last. Uh, we were meeting uh just north of Dust Ridge in Harrison, and as you guys show up, there's a pile of bodies uh and our friend, the man who lives the the ghoul that lives in the library, uh he was shot. And we had to try to bring him back, stabilize him in some way. You guys used some very um alternative medicines. Houston McKinley tried to give true love's kiss, which just was a dusty mess, and didn't do anything except confirm that there is no magic in the wasteland. Um and true love comes in all shapes and sizes, but does not bring anyone back from a horrific wound. Uh, you guys uh did eventually search and find uh enough medicine to uh actually give a transfusion of ghoulish blood. So true love's first transfusion was what stabilized him uh in our world. Uh you guys were doing great, celebrating the fact that you saved your buddy planning uh our assault on the uh cannibals. And while you guys were planning this, Jake Winger was kidnapped by the cannibals themselves and was taken away in a windigo Winnebago, and you guys saddled up in a vertebird, chased them down. Uh, and while you guys were in the vertebird, you did find that there is a secret gift from Mr. Claws himself, a mini nuke and mini nuke launcher. Uh but as you guys were fighting the Winnebago of Wendigo Doom, you were shot down, and both the Winnebago and the Vertebird crashed pretty hard, and that is where we left off on our last episode. So you guys are just like within eyesight of Midden Point. Strewn about the wasteland in varying degrees of disrepair, maybe dying. We do not know. So And this is where we are today, fellas.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

Giving God free the nuke. What could go wrong here?

SPEAKER_04 7:04

I actually think I'm related to that nuke. If we're being honest, resemblance is the same.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

You do have the same fins.

SPEAKER_04 7:13

Yes, yes, we do. Um so uh we have we have crashed. We are currently under assault. Set the the scene um for me, please. There.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Okay, so uh for those of you that are paying attention to the map, you guys are three of you, not or two of you are two of you are by uh a crashed vertebrate you were thrown from the wreckage as it hit the ground. I've kind of regained your senses, and as you look around, there's blood all over uh the gravel and the dirt and the grit. It is in the middle of the night. Uh you look around, you can see the shapes of the super mutants starting to get up, and they are in varying degrees of injury. Uh and across the way, across the road, uh flipped over on its side is a Winnebago that is currently on fire, and all around it uh are bodies thrown about of what looks like the cannibals. Some of them are moving, some of them are on fire, uh, some of them are starting to stand, and amongst those, we have Jake Winger, who has also regained consciousness, uh, but is also injured as well. Everyone has sustained injuries in this fall. Uh, you still have on you, luckily, based on luck points alone, the gear that you had before. Uh and uh Jake Winger is now free. He is no longer in his bindings. If you remember the last episode, you had gotten free right before chaos ensued and the Winnebago flipped over. Uh, so we're starting with you guys and the super mutants and the cannibals all starting to realize you're staring at each other across the road from each other. So you have one, two, three, four, five, six that you can see cannibals who are also in varying degrees of injury, who are starting to wake up and are fairly angry at the fact that you tried to murder them all, and you're taking away their prize, Jake Winger.

SPEAKER_05 9:34

I am on the other side of the road from the group. Yes. The group is is over here, I'm over here, and the cannibals are through this section north of me.

SPEAKER_02 9:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:47

I want to try and make a mad dash to the group. Mad dash?

SPEAKER_04 9:52

What is our current state of of injury? Are any of us incapacitated from moving? Um, Mr.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Claws has not he's he's moving. He's not dead, but he is not like on his feet. So he is not going to be active this round of combat. Uh it does look like Godfrey has sustained three points of damage. It looks like Grumbly has sustained eleven, honken eleven, Jake Winger has sustained five. Jeremy has sustained eighteen points of damage. Munchy 11. Jeremy.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

No, Jeremy!

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Sloppy five. Uh Snorty 18, Stompy 4, and Houston 7 out of 14. We have to go in order based on uh everybody's quickness. And so since Mr. Claws is not up yet, it is Godfrey's God Godfrey has the next initiative highest initiative score.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

Oh dear. Um, okay. I um obviously I would like to make an attempt to run to M Master Winger's aid. Okay. Um because he is uh currently surrounded by um miscreants and uh they are currently coming too. Um how far can I move in um a mad dash uh to his aid?

SPEAKER_02 11:22

A mad dash? Uh you could make it to uh the other side of the road, but not quite all the way to Mr. Winger.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

Um alright, I would like to Am I able to move myself?

SPEAKER_02 11:36

You can or I can move you if you would like. I can pick you up like a little baby.

SPEAKER_04 11:43

Uh I'll ma m pick up my proverbial character and drop me as close to Master Winger as I possibly can.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

So that is about as far as you've made it. So that is your major action. Would you like to take any sort of minor action? Oh, and I'm sorry, you do you have a major action left. That was your minor action move. Now you can move.

SPEAKER_04 11:59

What am I able to do for my major action?

SPEAKER_02 12:02

You can attack. Uh you can defend yourself, which gives you a little more boost to any sort of incoming attacks to you. You can apply first aid. You can just pass your turn. You can rally, which is going to kind of help you uh make a better test next time. Uh you can ready an item if you like. So if you was were wanting to get a can of flame or fuel out of your self, you could do that.

SPEAKER_04 12:35

Could I somehow alert Masterwinger as to my location in a way that would not also alert them cannibals as to my location?

SPEAKER_02 12:43

Um there you go. I was gonna say you can make your your famous bird sound. You can also sprint, which takes up a minor and major action, and you can travel travel double uh the zone.

SPEAKER_04 12:56

I want to um um sprint to can I sprint all the way to Masterwinger's eight. Like can I get to his side?

SPEAKER_02 13:02

You can get to his side, but then you'll you will have nothing else you can do.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

Uh that is that is okay. I uh my goal is uh his projection. So are you gonna hide him?

SPEAKER_02 13:14

I'll let you decide where you are in conjunction to him physically. From behind, on top, below.

SPEAKER_04 13:22

Uh I am standing shoulder to shoulder with muscle.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

Alright.

SPEAKER_04 13:27

I mean on top of him? Is he lying down? He he is uh can I in I will stand in front of him.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

In front of him, okay. I gotcha, in the front. There we go. Alright, so it is now one of the cult members' turn, so they uh they were laying prone, so they have to stand up, which is going to, you know, take one of their minor actions, and now they're gonna move closer to you guys. They don't make quite make it there, but they are getting dangerously cheesy to you guys. This one uh saw the their opportunity to go for some of the down super mutants, so he's gonna run towards the vertebird. This one uh sees his opportunity to rush you guys, and he makes an attack on Godfrey.

SPEAKER_04 14:30

Do I do some sort of saving throw? Or is it just I have to grin in Barret and take it like a robot.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

You'll have to take it like a robot. So let's see what we got. Blast! Oh, he does make an attack.

SPEAKER_04 14:46

Hits I've been listening to too much critical roll.

SPEAKER_02 14:49

I uh that one is Godfrey has taken considerable damage. You uh uh you did resist partially uh the attack that he used. He whipped out his ripper, uh engaged it, and slashes it down on our uh robotic friend here, and he slashes one of your arms, and you have sustained heavy damage to your left robotic pincer arm. Uh you're still in the fight, but you only have four health points left.

SPEAKER_04 15:27

What did I start with?

SPEAKER_02 15:29

You just you were already fairly fairly hurt uh to start with. Uh so seeing that you have been taken care of and are thoroughly distracted, our other cult members are starting to converge on uh our buddies to the east. But that also means we have Mr. Claws who is down right now, and if they all converge on him, they may kill him if they can catch him off guard.

SPEAKER_04 15:58

I shouldn't have got attached.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Grumbly uses his turn to stand up and to start moving towards the action as well. Oh my god. Boys are up up towards the the front of the vertebird. So they they are fairly melee focused. So Grumbly makes his turn. Oh my god. Onkin rushes beside his brother in arms and brother in the vat uh to make his attack on. He's going to use his board. Oh, he hits him in the middle of his guts. Oh, and he has sustained heavy damage. He has one HP left. So that cult member is uh hurting pretty bad. Jake Winger, you're up. And you're up on your feet.

SPEAKER_05 16:49

Godfrey is almost dead, so I have a cult member directly in front of me. I want to take my pistol, and I would like to aim at that cult member, aim down the barrel, and I'm like, you don't hurt Godfrey. Come on.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

Alright. It looks like you did hit him in the leg. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 17:13

Big money, big money, big money.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

Oh, he did, he resisted. Son of a gun. You you hit him. You shot him, and it grazed uh his torso there. They're too tough. They're very tough. And also you're heavily injured, so this is gonna throw your aim off. And you're a little spooked. Because they were going to take you to sacrifice you, so it only makes sense. You know.

SPEAKER_05 17:34

Alright, and then with my wow, I didn't mean to do all that. Um with my next move, uh, with my minor. Can I help pull Godfrey back away from the raider?

SPEAKER_02 17:48

You cannot. Okay. It's Jeremy's turn to to kick out into the fray. Jeremy! So, Mr. Reliable Jeremy, he he's hurting pretty bad. He has 18 points of damage, uh, so he's kind of wibbly and a little wobbly. So he's gonna take a shot with his pipe or b uh his bolt action pipe rifle at one of the raiders. The two that he's actually fighting with his brothers in arms.

SPEAKER_05 18:20

He's gonna aim all the way over there, and I can't hit the guy in front of me.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

Well, he's got a rifle, and he's aiming at the one closest to him, even though uh it is slightly far. Oh, he killed him. He shoots him and and like he blasts the daylights out of him, and you just see the the cultist hit the knee, his knees, and slump over onto his side. So we do have one cult member down, and it is now Munchie's turn. Munchie's got the munchies for killing cultists that have gone after his family. So he is gonna make a run for it. He's going to try to knock this guy out of the park with his trusty board. He's gonna use his board to hit this guy in his gourd. Did that work? I think. Oh, and he killed him. He hit him so hard that the cultist actually left his feet and his soul left his body for a second before they both uh hit the ground. Nice and they are no longer moving. So we have two of these uh dirty, dirty scoundrels uh down from the count. Now it's sloppy's turn. Uh hopefully he won't live up to his name and he'll get some things done.

SPEAKER_04 19:47

So he's going to It's going to go sloppy on his moppy.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

It's sloppy on his moppy, as they say, as they say in the vault, probably. We can say whatever we want to right now. So he's going to take aim. I hated that, but alright. Yeah, cult member number five. So he gets on one knee and he shoots and he makes contact and he is heavily damaged, and he is not doing very well whatsoever. Colt member five uh is now at half of what he used to be. He's half the man or woman. It's hard to tell with her hoods up uh that he used to be. Snorty, doing the same thing, because he likes to follow his older brother, Sloppy, in everything that he does. He takes aim as well, doing exactly what his brother in arms and brother in the vault did, and he kills one more. So so far, the super mutants are schooling these uh dastardly men.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

They're pulling my copper plated chestnuts out of the proverbial fire.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

I didn't know they were copper plated, that's something I knew. Stomp Stompy looks up and sees that you two are in dire straits, and so he raises his head and he says, And he takes off sprinting and he makes it about halfway across the road um before Houston takes action. Houston, what is we doing, son? I go for what we call in the biz.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

A kamikaze run.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

I love it. Where are we kamikazeing to? I take my old iron pin. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:38

And I yell, for Klausetsky and for Dustridge! And I just charge. So he takes off. I am like running so absurdly, they don't know how to respond to this.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Is that what happened? You said I'm gonna need you to make a roll for me. I'm gonna let you make a roll. I need you to Make a charisma. And let's do a charisma and an athletics roll. Your Christmas 10 athletics is a one. That's two 20s. Give me two twenties, yep.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

A 19.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Ooh, that's a bad one. We count of the opposite in this world. And a 13. Oh boy. So he he starts off, I mean, blitzing across this uh expansive road. He is like, it sounds like a raging dry fire just cracking and popping as he's going. Uh, but he does get slightly winded when he makes it on the other side of the road.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

I told him to quit smoking.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

I literally smoked meat. That's true. Mr. Claws is stirring and he gets up on one knee, and it looks like he's he's starting to gain his composure. Uh, but that's about as far as he can make it. He's he's not doing great. He doesn't look like he's uh in any sort of mortal peril, but he is he's taking him longer. The front of the vertebrate hit first, and that is where he was at, and his couch that he was using as a cockpit did not fare well. So Godfrey. It was. Godfrey, what are we doing? You got three on you. One is right up against you, and you have two that are kind of flanking behind.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

I uh the one right up against me that's called number three.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:47

Uh, I like his current health status. I would like to attempt to light him on fire with my flamethrower.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Oh, that makes me excited in the best possible way. Your fire is in your jellies. That's right. So you're going to use your flamer.

SPEAKER_04 24:04

Yeah, I I will do it. Um just a d 2d20.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

How did they not good? So you shoot flames uh and they go kind of wide. He felt the heat, but it did not burn his meat. Uh it just lights up the area, and you can see uh you can see the just the the drying blood on the ground, the the horrific, horrific uh gore. It's a swing and a miss, a flame and a miss. Cult member one uh kind of sharks back at the flames, but he tries to make a wide cut around to Jake. And he has Jake in his sights. He's got his ripper out, and he's ready to rip him a new one. Let's see how well you fare. Oh, he hits so he swings down pretty hard and he hits him right in his left lane. Oh boy. Uh, you take heavy, heavy damage. Uh, and your leg is bleeding pretty bad, and you're uh very shaky on your one good leg at this point, and you are soaking your pants with pee and blood right now. Three taking the advantage of being so close to his prey, Godfrey just pulls out his ripper. Never a good time when it's called a ripper. No. It is not. And he does no damage. He just glances off of Godfrey's carapace. Nice. Uh leaving scars and dings, but none the worst for wear.

SPEAKER_04 25:56

My heart is beating so fast right now.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Cult member six sees his opportunity to take off running towards uh Houston. And he whips out his ripper and I guess I'm whips out his rip ripper and goes to make jerky out of old Mr. McKinley. And he uh cracks him right in the torso, and it just buzzes through his jacket into his crispity, crunchity, doogity middle. Oh my god. Uh and he does horrible damage. Houston is not doing well. One more attack, and Houston is done for. Cameraman is violent. Yeah, we may lose. Oh wait, we may lose Houston.

SPEAKER_04 26:54

Grumbly, seeing that his- You're just gonna drop that into the conversation so casually. Listen, he may be gone.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

The roles are the roles. Yeah, Houston, we may have a problem. This is going horrible, guys.

SPEAKER_00 27:11

Beef jockeyman! Hold still, I'm coming to help you.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

It takes the game master a little bit longer to click all of the buttons that he has, but Grumbly gets out into the road, takes a knee, and aims very carefully, and he takes a shot at the cultist who is harassing his best little beef jerky man friend who writes his favorite bedtime stories. He takes a shot. Oh, uh. Oh, he is bleeding heavily. This cult member is almost dead. He's not quite dead, but he's getting there for sure.

SPEAKER_04 27:52

Hopefully pre-occupied.

SPEAKER_02 27:54

Yes, he is he is the most of the pre-occupied. Uh almost the post almost post-occupied at this point. Honkin also taking shots to save his best beef turkey man. And he kills him! Blast him! Years of target practice in the vault, vault uh has paid off. Because we are now down to just a few cult members. Jake, my my vault friend, my vault minion. What is it that you have to do?

SPEAKER_05 28:30

Okay. So let's see here. What is the health level? Uh cult member one is cult member one is is is doing very well for himself.

unknown 28:40

Crap.

SPEAKER_05 28:41

And he's gonna come after me again. I am going to grab my. Let's go with the 44. That's all I can use. I'm aiming the 44 at him.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

You also have a switchblade, just so you know.

SPEAKER_05 28:55

You know what? Let's go for it.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Switchblade him?

SPEAKER_05 28:57

Yeah, but I also want to use a luck point here.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:02

And I'm hoping that I can- No, I forgot we had those! I know, I know. I want to use a luck point and target like a Karate Dartery, like hope that just I can hit something good.

SPEAKER_02 29:19

So you're gonna aim for his head. I'm for like his.

SPEAKER_05 29:23

Why is altering? Why don't his brain head, brain, neck, all the same, right? Like, that's the plan here.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Just for his yeah. Just his head. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:34

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 29:35

Alright. So let's see what happens. That's cool. You may get hit.

SPEAKER_05 29:48

Leg? With a luck point?

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Okay, let's try it. Let's try this again. Hold on. So you did two damage. Come on. You did two damage to this colon. Which isn't.

SPEAKER_04 30:05

What does the luck point get him? Uh he what where did the luck point factor?

SPEAKER_02 30:10

He can he can aim, like he can make an aimed hit. So he can aim specifically for an area, which is what he did.

SPEAKER_04 30:19

He spent the point, rolled well, and hit his leg.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Uh well, the first roll did pretty good, the second roll did not do very good. So uh he he did hit him, he just didn't hit him very hard. Alright. So the cult member. So he's down to half health. He's down to half health. Jeremy, seeing that his best little peanut, is the best peanut he's probably had in a while, which sounds weird after you say it that many times, uh he decides he's going to take a shot, but he's gonna have to be extra careful because this this cultist uh is very close, so he's gonna have to make a special roll to make sure he doesn't hit his little peanut roll.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

I'll peanuts!

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Get out of the way! Duck your little peanut head!

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Alright, so he's going for it. Go for a jarammy. Oh, that was a good hit. Oh, he partially resisted it though. But that's okay. That's what we're here for. Munchie falling in suit, knowing that he can't make it far enough to blast this guy with his board. He's gonna take a shot as well. But he's gonna take a shot at the one that's closest to Godfrey, because Godfrey is also in mortal digital peril. Oh, and he kills him! We have one left. We have one left. Let's see if Sloppy can get his act together and he can take a crack at ye old Cannibal. Cannibal LaCruz. He takes aim. He puts his big old chonky finger, and he kills him! We have no more cultists standing anymore. So we look around. All of the cultists look like they are now down for the count. Uh, if they are not completely dead, they are just gurgling in the process of dying. So we start doing like pat checks to see who's bleeding, who's pooped, who has peed on themselves, and who may be dying.

SPEAKER_04 32:44

Who is who is the most uh mortally wounded?

SPEAKER_02 32:48

The most mortally wounded out of your party. Uh let's see, Godfrey, you have four hit points left. Uh let's see. The boys, some of the boys are doing pretty bad. Jake, you have seven hit points out of twelve. And we have Houston with three hit points left.

SPEAKER_05 33:10

Oh my gosh. We have got to heal Houston. I have uh oh, I'm not even close in turns. Sloppy. I can't go out of turn yet, can I? Uh, combat's over. Um, I in my inventory, I have some purified water, and that can give health. It'll th heal three HP. So I'm gonna I lean over and I cradle Houston's leathery head, and I push back his pork pie hat, and I just hold him under my arm. Houston, here, and I grab the water bottle and I just slowly pour it into his mouth. Just gently.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

Why do you don't?

SPEAKER_05 33:56

Drink! Drink, you idiot! Drink!

SPEAKER_02 33:59

Drink up. So he he he blubbers and and schlubbers. Uh, Houston, what's going on here while while you're being caressed by Jake Winger?

SPEAKER_03 34:09

I am deeply disturbed. A shadow has engulfed me. That makes me feel weird sensations right now.

SPEAKER_04 34:22

You are deeply disturbed right now. You tried to.

SPEAKER_05 34:25

I just I hear someone truly love to kiss like a mom, and I just rub it up and then. Maybe it'll work this time.

unknown 34:30

Shh. Shh.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

Yes, do we get kissed?

SPEAKER_05 34:33

I'm not getting kissed.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

It's weird. It's weird. It worked last time almost. Not kissing him. He's alive still. He doesn't need CPR. He needs to drink his water. Drink.

SPEAKER_03 34:46

Well, stop. Can a cannibal eat me right now, please? Drink the water. Stop. Drink the water.

SPEAKER_05 34:53

What what are you doing to jerky man? I'm making him drink the water so he can heal up. I don't does water work that way.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

I've never drank Drink a Wound away. Does it work different on radioactive man? Different than with, you know, in order to get a super mute into regular Okay. I mean what you could do, maybe search cannibals, see if maybe medicine stim packs around. Maybe in Winnipeg.

SPEAKER_05 35:28

I have something on me and he needs help right now. We'll get there. We'll get there. The problem is he has no nose because he's a ghoul. And so it's just the nose socket. So it's me just rubbing gently up.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

It's just rubbing hard bone.

SPEAKER_05 35:43

It's what my mom would do in the vault.

SPEAKER_03 35:46

In the before times, I had a buddy named Ralph Stanley. In the before times. And he made the best cups imaginable. They were basically weapons. If I had one of those cups, I would bludgeon you upside the head right now.

SPEAKER_05 36:05

Houston, now's not the time. Drink and heal for three fine. If he's not gonna drink it, I drink it. I go, you know what? Fine, you ungrateful little piece of jerky. And I just I drink the water for three HP. I drink it. You son of a wing. And I just drop him. I just let him fall straight down, okay? I just thought okay, fine. That's the way you want to be. I tried. I drank it.

SPEAKER_04 36:31

I would like to hover over to the mutilated bodies of our assailants and search for um medicines for stim packs for I don't know, robot repair, preferably first.

SPEAKER_02 36:47

You uh now I do believe you have. I thought somebody had a kit for robots. Do they not? I thought for sure.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

I I thought we did too, but in my inventory, I have a bobby pin. I actually have six of those. Uh colmex, a flamer, flame fuel, multi-tool, pin to arm attachment, and some standard plating. I guess not. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 37:16

I guess not. So you go to search, and I'm going to need you to do a perception and survival.

SPEAKER_04 37:25

Probably survival. Cause we're all dying. Perception. Alright, perception and survival. What was my dying everyone? Um I have three eyes, so I'm probably really good at perceiving. Uh seven and and and surviv. Well, two, so I need nine.

SPEAKER_02 37:48

That's a good one.

SPEAKER_05 37:49

That's my robot boy.

SPEAKER_04 37:50

Again.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

Oh, that's not a good one. So while you're hovering around, looking around, uh, seeing what you've found. You do find two stim packs, but no robot repair kits. Blast.

SPEAKER_03 38:08

Give me that stem pack.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

What do you want to do with him? Yes, yes, yes. You have him, Godfrey. You do with him what you will.

SPEAKER_04 38:14

No, I would like um. Let's see. Masterwinger is doing okay. He has seven hit points left, correct?

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Uh, I healed up, so I'm doing a little better. Uh, he did heal a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 38:24

He now has he very selfishly drank. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 38:29

No, because Houston very gratefully didn't accept the water and you did not ask for this wing.

SPEAKER_04 38:37

Um, I would like to administer one stimpack.

SPEAKER_05 38:41

There's a whole law about this, by the way.

SPEAKER_04 38:43

I would like to administer one stim pack to Master McKinley. Okay, thank you. So And then I would like to hover over and administer it to Mr. Claws.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

Oh really? Okay.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

Yes, he's not the number of times that he has uh uh saved our skin, I would like to have him around a little bit longer, and rumor has it he's not doing very well.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

That's this is true.

SPEAKER_05 39:09

You stimpacked Houston and you stimpacked Mr. Claws, but you did not stimpact your other human companion?

SPEAKER_04 39:19

You just put your nine safety in numbers and safety with large beings, right?

SPEAKER_03 39:26

I get it.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

I mean, feel free to go over and inspect and see what you find as well.

SPEAKER_02 39:33

That's true. I mean we don't have we can I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 39:35

What what what what was his his state of Mr. Claus? What was the hit point level?

SPEAKER_02 39:41

I probably he had only suffered eight wounds, uh eight hit points out of forty-eight, because he is a super mutant, but he's never mind, never mind. So you uh did it's become an ensemble. But I've always done it, haven't we? So you you almost injected Mr. Claws and realized that he's actually doing way better than you thought. So what are you gonna do with this last sweep?

SPEAKER_04 40:07

He is doing way better than the game master led us to believe. I thought the man was like gurgling out onto the ground. Alright, I I'll give it to Jake.

SPEAKER_02 40:16

Alright, so we give it to my other fleshy comback.

SPEAKER_03 40:20

Oh my boy!

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Just Toby and Wing.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

Make him roll. Make him roll, and if he fails, he accidentally destroys the stimpack.

SPEAKER_02 40:30

I could, but that's too much math. So it does fully heal Mr. Winger, and it looks like Houston is is still not doing great. You're about at half of your weight.

SPEAKER_03 40:43

He's gonna give me another STEM pack.

SPEAKER_02 40:45

Another stim pack? Uh, you're at three. You have three hit points taken away out of twelve. So you guys are doing pretty good. The boys, not so much. Jeez. So you guys are fairly stabilized. The boys are kind of patting around and they are looking okay. Yeah. But I'm gonna need you guys to all three do some rolls for me. Alright.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

Oh dear.

SPEAKER_02 41:08

Rolling? Uh uh.

SPEAKER_04 41:09

Based on the rolling for, or is it for the sake of our perception?

SPEAKER_02 41:15

And I'm going to need a survival for this one. We're doing and three, so I need an eight. Yep. You need an eight.

SPEAKER_05 41:23

Nine.

SPEAKER_04 41:24

Perception and survival. Ooh, three.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

Got three knots, so great. You get two, so you both you all three get to roll again. I needed a knot again. And a two! There we go. Oh, a two. Fancy, fancy. Houston, it is you. You need to roll as well.

SPEAKER_03 41:45

A five. Where was that roll?

SPEAKER_02 41:48

A five, okay. You needed a two. You need a two or better. So not so great so far. Try one more for me there.

SPEAKER_04 41:58

Why does he need the two or better?

SPEAKER_02 42:00

His survival is zero. And a ten. So Houston uh is looking around and he doesn't see much of anything. Uh, but he also took a lot of damage, so he's kind of rattled and a little spooked.

SPEAKER_05 42:13

And a little dehydrated wouldn't drink the water.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

That's true. Uh Jake also got a little bit in his nostril cavity, so he's he's just got a little sinus pressure going on. Uh but you guys, you hear something, uh, Jake and Godfrey hear a noise coming from the north. And you see light coming from what looks like a big wall around Mitten Point, or where Mitten Point's supposed to be. So as you look, uh, you see dark figures coming out of a gate. And you see one, and then you see five, and then you see about twenty, and they just keep pouring out of the mouth of this gate. So we're looking at at least twenty plus folk coming out of this gate. And by the looks of it, and you're all's perceptive survival abilities, they are wearing the garb of the cultists. And the amount of noise that you guys have made is not done well. And since it is the middle of the night, it is easy to see uh the blazing light of what looks like torches and all kinds of different equipment pouring out with dozens and dozens of different cultists pouring out way more than what you just fought, way more than you have seen ever. And they all look angry and they all look hungry, and they are all headed your way. And that is where we're going to end this episode of the big red bone. Who knows what's gonna happen next time, fellas? That's just a good one. But I bet it's gonna be juicy. That's just cruel. And I bet it's gonna be crazy.

SPEAKER_04 44:16

The juice won't come for me. I'm I'm proudly juicing free.

SPEAKER_05 44:20

I am crushed physically by the Winnebago.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

I don't have any juice. It's about 30% whiskey in here.

SPEAKER_02 44:31

Who knows? Are the cannibals coming to try to collect the insurance on their Winnebago? Are they coming to skin you guys and use uh Godfrey as a tea kettle? And Jake Winger as a little bit of meat. And are they gonna use McKinley's head as an ashtray?

SPEAKER_04 44:50

Or are they find out next time on the big red wow?

SPEAKER_05 44:54

Yeah. Well, if this is your first time joining us, thank you for watching the big red button. We are a production of the Grapefruit Network, and we are a sister show. We've got two other sister shows. One is A Doctor and a Lawyer Walking to a Bar. It's our pop culture chat show. This is our live action uh 2D20. We're basically role-playing. Yeah, we're we're Dungeons and Dragons, but in the Fallout universe, so thanks for tagging along. Uh, if you like what you heard here, check out a Doctor and a Lawyer. And if you are a Potter fanatic, like our resident Gottfrey, uh, we have Potter Plus as well, where he's breaking down all of the hubbub around the new HBO. He is breaking down, that's for sure. He's breaking, yeah, it's in character.

SPEAKER_04 45:42

Repeatedly, with every casting announcement, just TS.

SPEAKER_05 45:47

If you want to get on all of the sound effects, the music beds, uh, some of the live conversation that's going on, that's happening on Riverside with our patrons. Our Patreon is linked. Patreon.com slash doctor and lawyer. And with that, I have been Jake Winger, and may not be Jake Winger going forward at this rate.

SPEAKER_04 46:11

And I'm a little teapot, short and snout. Here is my handle and here is my spout.

SPEAKER_02 46:18

And I am the Game Master Dallas, and I will never die.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

And I'm Houston, and I would probably rather be an asterisk at this point.

SPEAKER_04 46:30

We'll see you guys next time, maybe, or maybe not.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

Who's to say? Bye.

SPEAKER_04 46:37

Bye.