Episode 66 - Nothing but What Happens Next?

Mike runs his mouth about life feeling like a riptide, the death of Pope Francis, rugby injuries, and why fear can either freeze you or forge you. It's a shorter episode, but packed with real talk about stepping up when you don't feel ready. Also featuring bad Shakespeare takes, cursed Men's Wearhouse suits, and a reminder to just commit.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Weekly Update and Pope Francis
• 3:16 Fear Disguised as Logic
• 6:00 Breaking Out of Loops
• 9:01 Rugby and Commitment Issues
• 12:52 Showing Mercy to Ourselves

Transcript

Mike: 0:10

all right. So I just got back from rugby practice and I am exhausted. Plus, I had some things going on this week with some interviews and stuff, so I didn't really have as much time to prep as I would have liked. But look at me still trying to make some moves to try and control some of the chaos that's in my life, yet still showing up for the poor souls who continue to listen to my bullshit every week. Thank you for doing that, but I am sorry about this one. It's probably going to run a little bit shorter and I'll try and make it up to you guys at some point.

Mike: 0:44

Okay, so anyways, this past week the Pope died. I tried on a suit that smelled like it had already been pulled from his casket and I realized my life isn't looping like some amusement park ride you can just get off of. It's more like a riptide. It pulls you under when you least expect it and you gotta know how to swim out. But what kind of Catholic would I be if I didn't mention the passing of Pope Francis? Rest in peace to him.

Mike: 1:12

I mean, popes aren't like presidents in the sense that we can kind of just forget who they are right away, considering it's not that fast of a turnaround time. I mean, in my lifetime alone there's only been three John Paul II, the breakfast one, benedict and now Francis. And even though he wasn't Italian, that dude had some serious Frankie energy. Like Pope Francis was cool man Strutting around in a Black Sabbath t-shirt as a teen, probably bumping the devil's music, maybe puffing a little of the devil's lettuce. And I say that because in a faith that always claims to be inclusive, they turn around and gate keeps the club. But pope frankie was the guy who actually stood up and went. You know what? Maybe it's not a horrible thing for people to be gay and the cardinals around him were probably like bro, are you high Clutching at their rosaries at the thought. But even though he didn't change the Catholic doctrine, pope Francis was easily the most compassionate, the most with the times Pope I think that we've had. Because he actually said if someone is gay and is searching for the lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge? And that's a powerful line, not just because the pope proved he was trying to be an ally at a time when people needed one, by a figure who historically praised love for all, yet was the head of a system who dogged on a specific group of people, but because when you've been living in fear fear of judgment, fear of failing, fear of not being enough hearing somebody in power say you're still seen or you're still loved, it shifts something. And maybe that's where I'm at right now trying to break out of the loops that I've built around myself, trying to stop feeding my fears and start showing up, not just for God, but for myself and for the people around me, because maybe God's not punishing me, maybe he's just waiting on me to finally show up. We've all had those moments where fear dressed up like logic, like it's not the right time. I'm probably not good enough for that. Better not risk. Risk it, I'll just play it safe and I'll give you a personal example.

Mike: 3:30

I remember back in high school there was this weird thing in my school that if you got placed in advanced social studies, you automatically had to be in honors english class too, which made zero sense. Like just because I know history doesn't mean I'm about to be the next shakes. And maybe you've been there. Someone sees potential in you that you can't even see yet. Like my teacher wanted to push me, but all I could think was like dude, I can't even qualify for a fourth grade spelling. Bee. You want me writing high level essays? My vocab only extends to four letter words. Like the fuck is this? But sometimes we say no to things not because we can't do them, but because we've convinced ourselves that we can't. That's fear talking. And eventually I said screw it, and I took the classes. And yeah, you know what? I held my own.

Mike: 4:22

I still found ways to cut corners, like most of us did Spark notes, stealing classroom discussion takes and passing them off as if they were my own, tossing in random quotes from pages that we barely skimmed, like yeah, I think I can make that work. Anyone who thinks that I sat there and actually read romeo and juliet you're out of your mind. Every couple days, when I was in that class, the teacher would hit us with one of those pop quizzes that were fill in the blank style, like if we're reading shakespeare or something right. He would just write out these violet the lights have violent blank. And I remember sitting there thinking, dude, I wouldn't even pass this if I did read the damn book. So I'm sitting there like these violent delights have violent, I don't know orgasms. The fuck do I know I didn't pass, but at least I gotta laugh.

Mike: 5:13

But looking back, how often do we operate like that now, still playing the same game, still just trying to pass, not to grow, not to show up fully, just to get by? And lately I've been asking what if we stopped aiming for bare minimum survival and actually tried to our own potential? But, given that I'm at the end of my unemployment, these past six months have given me a lot of time to think and I'm wondering where the hesitation to move on to the next phase actually comes from in any area of my life. Like where does this hesitation come from? Why do we stall when it's time to level up? Why do we wait until we're out of time before we act like it matters? It's kind of like when mom tells you to go take the chicken out of the freezer and even though she's gone all day, you wait until she pulls into the driveway running in underwater, like why is it still frozen? I don't know. I took it out when you told me to it's a little wet, so it must have thawed somewhat. Right, we act like effort in the final five seconds counts for the full game, and I used to tell myself it was because I wasn't ready, but now I think it's because I don't believe that I deserve the next phase yet, like, somehow, the version of me right now hadn't earned it. So, instead of moving forward, I looped Same habits, same excuses, same prayers, if I'm being honest, and they were all based on selfishness, like, oh god, help me with this, help me with that.

Mike: 6:41

But then I discovered the song Prodigy by Idola I think that's how you pronounce it, and I heard this line, so you think I really deserve it, even though I'm not the man I used to be. Well, I found a new sense of purpose, and it's in something that you can't see. When I show up at the gates of hell, I'm going to walk up to the fallen star and take his horns. First of all, shakespeare couldn't have written anything like that. I'll tell you that right now. But hearing those lyrics, I'm like damn, that's not someone who's scared of what's next. That's someone walking straight into the fire, like I know who I am, and even if I'm not the finished product, I'm showing up anyways. That's what faith looks like to me right now, too. It's not about perfection, it's not about confidence. It's about courage, just showing up in the mess, in the fog, the unknown, because maybe God isn't waiting for me to be fearless, maybe he's just waiting for me to stop hiding.

Mike: 7:39

Because also in that song, prodigy, the pre-chorus kind of hits like a spiritual gut punch. The pre-chorus goes you want to be somebody else, you want to run from all this hell. You ain't got no spine. Let's be honest, how many of us have felt that, wanting to escape the version of ourselves that we're stuck in, thinking maybe if we could just be somebody else, this part of life just wouldn't feel so damn hard? But then there's another verse that says you want to blame all your pain on things you can't even explain. You're so weak and dying out. That hit me hard, because how often do we do that? We sit in the mess and just point fingers at everything but ourselves, at the past, at circumstances, at timing. We blame the fog instead of trying to walk through it.

Mike: 8:19

But that line doesn't just call you out. I think it calls you up because it's saying you can either stay stuck and justify it or you can show up anyway, even if you're still healing and you're just trying to figure it out. And it ties into this idea that maybe God will help you find the path, but he's not going to walk it for you. And I'll be honest, I'm guilty of waiting for that, of asking for help with every little thing, even the mundane, even when it doesn't come to God, just with the people in my life. But to me that lyric is saying you want to be someone, stop asking and start acting. You don't get better by wishing you grow, walking through it, even if it hurts. But you can't keep asking for change while choosing the same cycle.

Mike: 9:00

If there's anything that should be stuck in a cycle, it's those fucking clothes. At men's warehouse I got fitted for the two weddings I got this summer. Because the suit they gave me Holy shit, it smelled like it had already gone through its own eulogy Deadass. It had that Seinfeld BO episode energy Legit. I thought that funk just stuck on me. It was just like like this is home now. But don't be like that suit.

Mike: 9:27

Don't let fear cling to you so long it becomes your default setting, because you're not laundry. You don't belong in the same loop forever. You gotta step out, swim out, show up. Even if you're literally emerging in a funk, you just show up anyways. And while we're being honest, there's always going to be something you fear that you need to face. Show up, even if you're literally emerging in a funk, you just show up anyways. And while we're being honest, there's always going to be something you fear that you need to face. For me, that's unemployment, not being successful or falling behind. I just told you that I had a fitting for two weddings that I'm in this summer, because I have one for my sister and I have another one for my friend. Meanwhile, I'm just forever alone. So you don't think that I feel like I'm getting left behind while everyone else around me is suiting up for their next chapter. I talked about that a couple weeks ago. Feel free to go check that episode out. But while we're talking about fear, let's talk rugby, because I also just got back from it.

Mike: 10:19

I realized that I've been playing scared Not all the time, but enough to notice and I know that I talked about this a couple weeks ago too. But the idea remains I'll go into a hit and I'll pull up last second, not because I can't do it, but because there's a part of me that's still holding back. I'm still playing with one foot out the door, and I didn't realize it until recently. I'm not afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of committing to the hit and it not working. Like what if I go full force and still get leveled? Or what if I give it everything I've got and it still isn't enough? But isn't that the same mindset that keeps us stuck in everything else relationships, jobs, passions you don't think I question every fucking episode that I do of this thing.

Mike: 11:04

We don't always fear the fall. We fear what it'll mean about us if we fall after giving it everything. So we hesitate and we second guess. We live life like we're bracing for impact instead of creating it. And you know what that mindset ended up doing? Because I was thinking about what I said in that episode where I talked about this, even though in the moment I made it my goal to try and make contact, I was still playing scared, and playing scared is ultimately what fucked up my arm. I attempted to commit, but I didn't fully do it. And you're probably thinking, oh, you're just a typical meathead making a sports analogy about life. But if it's what this episode has taught us, is that if you're going to do something, fucking actually commit to doing it without the fear.

Mike: 11:51

And it's so funny because in some areas of my life, like losing weight and getting tattooed, I go all in. I didn't say I'm going to get in shape. I said I'm going to get into the best possible shape that I can. I didn't just get a tattoo my first one, I got one that covered a whole surface area. My whole thought process was go big or go home. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to fucking do it. So externally, that's how I express myself, but internally I'm just in a cycle of doubt. And why can't I go big?

Mike: 12:23

And it brings me back to the song prodigy, because they also said I can't imagine what it's like to always call it quits, passing judgment like you ain't a fucking straight up bitch. My bravado knows no bounds, it's why they call me a king. But you can barely talk. What makes you think you can sing? It's not about playing it safe. It's about following through even when you don't think you're sing. It's not about playing it safe. It's about following through even when you don't think you're capable of something.

Mike: 12:45

Committing to the hit, not because you know you'll win, but because you know you can take it and maybe even come out stronger on the other side. Which brings me back to Pope Francis. That dude had mercy at the centerpiece of his papacy. It wasn't about control or fear, it was about mercy. And maybe that's the real lesson in all of this. From suits to spiritual loops, to song lyrics, to sideline hits, we've all just got to start showing mercy on ourselves. We can't keep score on the amount of times that we looped into the same cycle. We just got to think about the times that we had the guts to step out of the cycle. I feel like a lot of us, including myself, always think about times where we failed, but we don't acknowledge the times where we actually did commit. So you know what? Fuck it. Go walk up to that fallen star and take his horns. Just don't do it at men's warehouse. That's tension, that's eternal.

Mike: 13:40

So all right, this one is a little bit shorter than usual. I mean between interviews, the wedding suit fittings and trying not to die during rugby practice time just got away from me this week, but I didn't want to skip, so I figured I'd still show up. Because, honestly, if I did try to stretch this episode out just to hit a word count, then I'd be like that kid in class bullshit in the last paragraph of their essay with. In conclusion, I conclude that my conclusion is conclusive and nobody wants that. So, even though it's not really a full-length episode, I'll try to make it up to you. I'll do maybe a longer one next week, probably by oversharing, like usual. But if you liked this episode, please share it with a friend, shoot me a follow, like and comment to help boost this thing to the top. And don't forget to check out The LNBE Podcast on instagram and tiktok, or write in your comments and thoughts to lnbemedia@ gmail. com. Okay, everybody, thanks for listening and we will catch up next week.