Are You Falling Into the Comparison Trap?

Have you ever looked at someone else's business and wondered:

Will I ever get there?

This week, a simple email from Amy Porterfield triggered a surprising reaction and uncovered a few beliefs I thought I had already worked through.

In this episode, I'm sharing a personal experience with comparison, the deeper fears it revealed, and the mindset shift that helped me see the situation differently.

We'll explore why comparison isn't usually the real problem, how it can expose the stories we're carrying beneath the surface, and why feeling "not there yet" is very different than believing you're not capable.

In This Episode We Discuss:

• Why comparison is often a mirror, not the problem
• The difference between a business question and an identity question
• How entrepreneurs accidentally tie their worth to business results
• Peter Crone's concept of "primal prisons" and the beliefs that quietly drive our behavior
• The hidden scarcity belief that there isn't enough success, clients, or opportunity to go around
• Why clients choose people they trust, not necessarily the most famous expert
• The question I asked myself after comparing my business to Amy Porterfield's
• The simple power of the word yet
• How to stop turning a timeline into a verdict
• Practical steps to work through comparison when it shows up

Key Takeaway

Comparison doesn't create our insecurities.

It reveals them.

The next time you find yourself wondering if you'll ever get where someone else is, remember:

Not there yet is very different than not capable.

One assumes growth.

The other assumes limitation.

One assumes a timeline.

The other assumes a verdict.

Resources Mentioned

• Peter Crone's work on primal prisons and subconscious beliefs
• Amy Porterfield

Connect With Jessica @ jessicadowningcoaching.com

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a coach, consultant, or online expert who may need the reminder that they're not behind — they're simply still building.

And if you're ready to simplify your marketing, stay consistently visible, and build a clearer path to clients, learn more about the Clarity to Clients Membership and Community.

Thanks for listening!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey there, welcome back to Clarity to Clients. I'm a little under the weather this week and spending a lot more time in bed than I would like, which is very unfortunate timing because I have so many ideas and projects I've been working on lately, and I am so excited to share them with you soon. But this week, sickness hit and the body decided not to cooperate. And if you're anything like me, sometimes getting sick is just the body's way of forcing us to slow down. So I have been embracing that time, but this morning I had a little bit more energy, and my goal was to sit here at my desk and get some work done. So here I am. And first thing I did, got my coffee ready, came up to my office, and I opened my email and I started reading through a message from Amy Porterfield. And before I realized what was even happening, a thought popped into my head. And that was could I ever be at her level? And that's a pretty big stretch, by the way, because she is a very, very incredible business coach out there. She's had a lot of success. She's been in the game for a good amount of time. If you've been in the industry, you've probably heard of her. And she has a tremendous audience. She's helped a lot of people. And the question itself, could I ever be at her level? It didn't surprise me. What surprised me is what happened next. Because almost immediately I had this wave of fear come over me. And thoughts started coming up like, oh gosh, I don't have it in me. I'm not good enough. Maybe I'll never get there. And if I'm being honest, it kind of broke my heart. Not because of Amy, not because of her success, but because I thought I had already worked through those beliefs. I thought I was past them. And yet there they were, waiting quietly beneath the surface. And that's what I want to talk about today. Because I don't actually think comparison is the problem. I think comparison reveals the problem. It shines a light on the stories, the fears, and the beliefs we've been carrying around for years. The ones we thought we already worked through. The ones we don't realize are still quietly running in the background. And if you've ever looked at someone else's business and wondered, will I ever get there? I think you're going to relate to this conversation. Some may think that the comparison is the thing that's actually hurting them. They see someone further ahead and assume that's why they feel discouraged. But what I've started to realize is that comparison is often just a mirror. It shows us the beliefs that were already there. When I look at Amy's business, what surfaced wasn't really about her at all. It wasn't, wow, she's so successful. It wasn't, she's built something very impressive. What surfaced was maybe I'm not enough. And that's a completely different conversation because now we're no longer talking about business. We're talking about identity. We're talking about worth. And ultimately the stories that we've been carrying around for years. So the original question was: can I ever build a business at that level? That's a business question. It's a question about growth and possibility. It's a question about time, effort, and consistency. But somewhere along the way, my brain changed that question into, do I have what it takes? And then, am I good enough? Do you see what happened there? A business question became an identity question. And I think a lot of entrepreneurs do this. We take things like revenue, audience size, our visibility strategy, sales, growth, and we turn them into evidence about who we are as people. When something's working, we feel validated. When something doesn't work, we question our worth. And that's a very heavy burden to carry. Because business results are constantly changing. If your sense of worth is attached to them, you're always going to feel like you're riding a roller coaster. So here's what comparison revealed. Over the last several months, I've been listening to Peter Crohn and his work. He does this work around what he calls the primal prisons. These are subconscious beliefs that quietly drive our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I know we've all heard of limiting beliefs, but think of these as like a layer deeper. They're programmed into our body. As I sat with this experience, I realized that several of mine were showing up all at once. One of these beliefs is fairly universal, but very uncomfortable to admit to myself and to my podcast audience, which is I'm not enough. And again, I want to emphasize this isn't a logical belief. This is that deep-seated belief that we have. And I'm sure, especially for us coaches, when we're working with clients, that's often the belief that comes up the most is I'm not enough. Another one is I'm unwanted. And we all have evidence that goes the contrary. But sometimes things happen in our childhood that create this pattern inside of our bodies where it can rise up at the worst time. So that's one that I've uncovered. There's another one, and here I'm getting so transparent with y'all, but the other one I uncovered is there's not enough to go around. And I would never tell a client that because I know there are billions of people in this world. I know there is a match for everyone. And that's why I love helping people find their people because we all have our audience. It's just this deep-seated belief was inside of me, and I had to root it out that there wasn't enough to go around. And then lastly, and I think this is very true for a lot of women, is I have to do it all alone. And that one was truly insidious because it made me feel like I had to carry the weight for my clients. And that goes against one of my values of empowerment. So it's really interesting how these deep-seated primal prisons that we put ourselves in, they're the subconscious beliefs that are quietly running underneath the surface of everything, are the things that are contrary to how we actually believe in our value system. So I encourage you to check out Peter Cron's work. He's amazing. These are the areas I've been working on. What's interesting is that comparison didn't create those beliefs. It really just exposed them. And when I really took a look at what was happening underneath the surface, I realized the fear wasn't actually, wow, I'll never be as successful as Amy. The fear was, why would someone choose me when there are people out there like her? And maybe you felt like this before. Why would someone hire me over them? Why would someone buy from me over that other person? Why would someone listen to my podcast or follow my content? And there's so many people out there doing this already. So underneath all of that was another belief. There isn't enough. Not enough clients, not enough opportunities, not enough success, not enough attention, not enough room for me. And once I saw that, I realized I wasn't dealing with a comparison problem. I was dealing with a belief problem. So let's dig into the scarcity lie a little bit more. People don't hire the best coach. They hire the coach they trust, the coach that they resonate with, the coach who understands them, the coach whose message makes them feel seen and heard. Think about your own purchasing decisions. Have you always hired the most famous expert? The person with the biggest audience? The person with the most followers? Probably not. You've likely chosen people because something about them connected with you. You trusted their perspective. You like the way they explain things. You felt understood. Your clients, they do the same thing. And this is where I think a lot of business owners get stuck. They look at someone else's success and assume there's less available for them. As if success is a pie and someone else gets a bigger slice. But that's not how it works. Most people aren't struggling because there aren't enough clients. They're struggling because the right people don't know they exist yet. Their message isn't clear. They're not visible consistently. They don't have a clear next step for interested people. That's not a scarcity problem. That's a clarity problem. It's a visibility problem. And those are absolutely solvable. So here's another question I had to ask myself. When I say I want to be at Amy Porterfield's level, what does that actually mean? Do I mean her revenue, her audience, her confidence, her freedom, her impact, her influence? Because I think sometimes we're not actually chasing the thing. We're chasing how we imagine we'll feel when we get there. Like we'll finally feel secure, we'll feel confident, we'll feel validated, we'll feel certain. But here's what I've noticed: if you're carrying a belief like I'm not enough, those feelings don't magically appear when the business grows. The goalpost, it simply moves. You hit one milestone and immediately start comparing yourself to someone else at the next level. And the cycle continues. So that's why it's never really about the person we're comparing ourselves to. It's about the meaning we're attaching to where we are right now. So here's one insight that really helped me. And it came from one single word. Yet. When I look at someone else's business, my mind immediately went to, could I ever be at that level? But underneath that question is a conclusion. It's a verdict. Maybe I don't have what it takes. Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'll never get there. What if the truth is so much simpler than that? What if I'm just not there yet? That one word changes everything. Because not there yet is very different than not capable. One assumes growth, the other assumes limitation. One assumes a timeline, and the other assumes a verdict. Whoever you're comparing yourself did not wake up one day with a massive audience and a successful business. They built it over years. One email at a time, one podcast episode at a time, one offer, one launch, one step at a time. Every person you're comparing yourself to is doing this. The question isn't whether you're capable of building something meaningful. The question is whether you're willing to keep building before you know what's possible. Maybe you're not behind. Maybe you're just earlier in the process than the person you're comparing yourself to. You're not failing. You're simply not there yet. So what should we do when the comparison hits? Because let's be honest, it's gonna show up. You're gonna see someone with a bigger audience, a bigger launch, more clients, more visibility, more momentum. And your brain is going to want to make it mean something about you. When that happens, here are a few things I'd encourage you to do. First, ask yourself, what am I making this mean about me? Not about them, about yourself. Because that's where the real insight is. Most of the time, comparison isn't actually about the other person. It's about the story we're telling ourselves. The story that says, maybe I'm not enough, maybe I'm behind, maybe I don't have what it takes. The comparison is just the trigger. The belief is the real issue. Second, separate skill from worth. Someone else's success says nothing about your value as a human being. Someone being further ahead of you does not make them more worthy. It doesn't make them more deserving. It doesn't make them better. It simply means they're somewhere different on their journey. Third, ask yourself what you actually admire about what they're doing. Because underneath comparison is often admiration. Is it their consistency, their courage, their leadership, their visibility, their commitment, their willingness to keep showing up? Once you identify what you admire, you can stop envying it and start developing it in yourself. And that's a much more empowering place to operate from. And finally, come back to your next step, not their next step, yours, your next email, the next video you're going to create, your next conversation with a potential client, your next offer, the next invitation to buy, the next piece of content. That's where progress happens. Not in the comparison, in the creating. Not in the wondering if you're good enough, but in continuing to build. The biggest lesson I took away from this experience is that comparison wasn't trying to hurt me. It was just trying to show me something. It was revealing beliefs that were still operating beneath the surface. Beliefs I thought I had already worked through. Beliefs I thought I had outgrown. And maybe that's the real gift of comparison. Not that it feels good. It usually doesn't, but it shines a light on the places where we still have work to do. The places where we've confused our current circumstances with our potential. The places we've turned a timeline into a verdict. So the next time you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone else, I want you to remember one word. Yet. Maybe you're not where you want to be yet. Maybe your audience isn't where you want it to be yet. Maybe your business isn't where you want it to be yet. Because not there yet is very different than not capable. One assumes growth, the other assumes limitation. One assumes a timeline, and the other assumes a verdict. And if there's one thing I hope you take away from this episode, it's this you do not need evidence that you'll succeed before you continue moving forward. You only need the willingness to take the next step because the people you're comparing yourself to didn't get there all at once. They got there one step at a time, just like you will. Thanks for listening, and I'll see you on the next episode.