22: Bouncing Back from Setbacks

You're going about your day, week, or month. Things seem to be going really well for the first time in quite some time, and then all of a sudden it hits you. Something goes on in your life or your business and you find yourself in what we call a setback. Setbacks can be something as little as you have to reroute your day and they can be something that makes you want to just crawl in your bed and stay there for the next month.

This week on The Gutsy Podcast, we're going to talk about bouncing back from setbacks. How do we pick up our boots, strap them back on, and get back out into the world after we have gone through something that seems so overwhelmingly discouraging and we've lost all of our inspiration and motivation?

Setbacks could be something as minor as someone sends you an email and the tone just comes off weird and it puts you in a little bit of a mental tizzy and it could be something as monumental as a financial setback or something traumatic that has happened in your life.

Some common business setbacks that we've experienced (and we know that other people have experienced) are maybe an employee didn't work out the way that you thought that they would. Or maybe you were really counting on this contract and everything seemed to be going as planned and at the 11th hour it fell through. Maybe you messed up on a project, maybe it was your own personal mistake. Or maybe you've invested a lot of time, money, and effort into a strategy that you thought, "You know what, this has got to work. This is the thing." And it completely bombed. Or maybe your financials are just completely out of control and you don't know which end is up.

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Mentions:
The Dapper DJ's
Peloton
Ep. 21: Mindset is EVERYTHING
Powerback 11: Finding Inspiration When It's Not There
Ep. 11: Burnout

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Transcript

Intro: 0:00

You're listening to The Gutsy Podcast, where we talk about all things real, raw, and ridiculous about running a business authentically. I'm Laura Wallace, also known as the Laura Aura, lover of all things inspirational, owner of Worx Graphic Design, and your host on this journey through entrepreneurship. I'm here to help you get out of your head and back into action as a passionate business rock star. Tune in every Tuesday and Thursday as we fuel your gutsy.

Laura Wallace: 0:28

You're going about your day, week, or month. Things seem to be going really well for the first time in quite some time, and then all of a sudden it hits you. Something goes on in your life or your business and you find yourself in what we call a setback. Setbacks can be something as little as you have to reroute your day and they can be something that makes you want to just crawl in your bed and stay there for the next month. This week on The Gutsy Podcast, we're going to talk about bouncing back from setbacks. How do we pick up our boots, strap them back on, and get back out into the world after we have gone through something that seems so overwhelmingly discouraging and we've lost all of our inspiration and motivation? Setbacks could be something as minor as someone sends you an email and the tone just comes off weird and it puts you in a little bit of a mental tizzy and it could be something as monumental as a financial setback or something traumatic that has happened in your life. Some common business setbacks that we've experienced(and we know that other people have experienced) are maybe an employee didn't work out the way that you thought that they would. Or maybe you were really counting on this contract and everything seemed to be going as planned and at the 11th hour it fell through. Maybe you messed up on a project, maybe it was your own personal mistake. Or maybe you've invested a lot of time, money, and effort into a strategy that you thought,"You know what, this has got to work. This is the thing." And it completely bombed. Or maybe your financials are just completely out of control and you don't know which end is up. The thing about setbacks are it takes an emotional toll on our minds and our bodies—especially in a place where we feel like we've lost all of our momentum. The thing is though, setbacks are often progress in disguise. And I know when you're in that moment it feels completely opposite of that, and I have this love-hate relationship of the phrase"everything happens for a reason" because in the moment you don't really give two shits about the reason. You're just feeling really crappy, right? But on the other side of it, when you have worked your way through it and passed it, then you can look back in hindsight and say,"Oh, you know what? I know why that happened now and I'm so thankful that it did." What I've learned is that when we mess up, it often means that we're leveling up. Things seem to be at their most chaotic right before you're about to make a breakthrough. I'll never forget one of the most monumental setbacks in my personal career. Happened actually just a few short years ago when we were building our office. We happened to be building out our space just a couple of short months prior to our 10 year Worxiversary. Our Worxiversary is basically our annual celebration of the company's birthday, which falls on July 1st every year. 2017 was a pretty huge year for us in a lot of different ways. But one of the biggest things was it was our decade anniversary, guys, I mean 10 years in business. That is not something to take lightly. So we were building out our office leading up to this and we had planned to host our 10 year Worxiversary client, family, and friend party in this space. And if you've ever built out anything or gone through a construction project, you know that it always costs more and it always takes more time. So, of course, during the build out process there were setbacks and the timeline got pushed forward and everything seemed fine until we got really close to this whole party aspect. Now in hindsight, we could have moved the date or maybe even moved locations where we were going to have the party and bypass a whole lot of stress. I mean the kind of stress that left me falling asleep in my parents' yard at a barbecue over the summer as we got to literally the 11th hour. I mean I'm talking literal hours before this party had to happen, there was some pretty big parts of the office that weren't complete. Like the flooring for instance, the glass walls weren't up, the flooring wasn't completed and not to mention this is the third floor of a really old building that had no controlled air conditioning. So, I'm really blessed to have an extremely handy family and I called in the forces and I'm like, guys, I need you guys to finish laying this floor for me. So my family shows up the night before the party and they're literally laying floor at midnight, one, two o'clock in the morning, and then finishing up at the wee hours right before the party. We rented these huge industrial air conditioning units and you know what? There was—a lot of things were imperfect. But I thought,"You know what, it's going to work out okay." Nothing had been moved into the office yet. A lot of it was kind of shoved back in corners because it was not ready to be moved into yet. A lot of the finishes were not done and it was dusty as hell. I mean drywall, dust everywhere. So, I've got friends and family cleaning. I've got people laying floors. I mean it's, it's literal chaos and you know what? The party went on and in the moment I thought,"Oh my gosh, how am I going to ever recover this?" Because guess what— when you get about 150 people in one room on the third floor of a loft that is not climate controlled, it gets insanely hot insanely quickly. At one point, I think we took the temperature and it was about 110 degrees, and I'm not exaggerating. In that moment I thought,"Oh my gosh, this is awful. People are going to have a terrible time." People were leaving. It was just really challenging. The icing was literally melting off the side of our cake. It felt like a complete disaster. That whole construction project was an enormous setback for that party. Not to mention just the regular functionality of our day to day business. Now, this may not seem like a huge deal talking about it right now and, and I'm at the point now in my life where I can laugh about it, but at the time it was enormous. I put a lot of weight on that celebration because I felt like, you know what? We have worked so hard over the last decade. I just really want this to go off in the way that I see and feel it in my mind. Now, in hindsight, when I look back, it was one of the greatest nights that we had ever had. Yes, it was hot as hell. Yes, it wasn't finished. I mean, there was a thousand things that went wrong, but you know what? We danced our faces off. We had the most amazing Dj, The Dapper DJs out of Frederick, Maryland, and he spun tunes and he stuck it out with us. Sweat pouring off of his face and the core group stuck around and our supporters were there and people just really made the best of it. And we were sweating and drenched and dancing and celebrating, and it was just such a beautiful night. And if I had to go back and do it all over again, I would do it all the same way. Why? Because it was such a beautiful experience. One that went so unexpected and felt like such a huge setback at the moment. But I'm so thankful of it because it created such an incredible memory for everyone. I learned a lot of things through that experience, and I know how I will do it differently when we're celebrating our 20 year anniversary, but setbacks, they're kind of a big deal. They shift our moods, they deter us from where we're headed, and they can just seem really overwhelming at the time. So how do we recover from setbacks? Well, the very first thing that you have to do is you have to take care of yourself. We are so quick to be judgmental and hard on ourselves. We think everything is our fault. And how could we have done this differently? And if I would have just done this thing, then we wouldn't be in this situation. And a lot of the times, we put the hard breaks on everything that we're doing in our life. When a setback appears, it's not uncommon for people to completely retract from everything that they're doing to put the brakes and the halt on all business momentum. I don't know about you, but you can often find me curled up in my pajamas, hibernating in my house for a couple of days or weeks or maybe even longer than that. Something that I want to encourage you to do is allow your emotions the time that they need to express whatever they need to express. Much like when we have a cold, the first thing we want to do is get rid of the symptoms. So we start popping all kinds of medicine even though there's a whole lot of side effects that come along with that. So I really want you to embrace your emotions and know that it's okay to be sad. It's okay to be pissed off. It's okay to be woe is me. You know, these are natural human instincts and they're natural human reactions. So when you went to push them off or shove them in a box or shove them underneath your bed somewhere, you're not giving them the time that they need to release from your body. I'm a huge fan of a good old fashioned ugly ass cry. Like you know the snotty kind and you're talking to a hundred miles an hour and you're just, everything's falling apart and you just have to let it out. Imagine if you held all that in. Those emotions will reroute themselves into your body. And that's where longterm challenges, health issues, and mental setbacks stem from. One of the biggest mistakes that we make is getting too low for too long though. So I'm all about a good, ugly cry, but let that shit out and then let it go. We sit and we mull and we spin our wheels and we go over and over and over again and that's, it's really not healthy. It's not productive and it's not going to get you to where you know that you can go. This is also a really good time to lean on trusted sources: your spouse, your best friend, a business mentor, someone that you just, that knows your story and really believes in you. It's okay to lean on those people and say,"You know what? I'm not okay right now and I could just use you. Maybe we could just have a glass of wine or two, or watch a movie, or maybe we could just stay on the couch all day." When we think back to getting back to taking care of ourselves, one of the common things that we do, too, is we would just throw all health out the window, right? Like you could have been on a great eating plan or a good exercise routine and something goes really shitty in your life and then all of a sudden you find yourself pounding a bag of Cheetos like it's your job and you just stop caring about anything that is any good to your body. This is usually where exercise routines go out the window. Healthy eating habits are nonexistent. Healthy verbiage, things that you say to yourself. I mean, that's just completely out of the question, right? It doesn't have to be that way. If you eat a pint of ice cream and watch a movie and ugly cry for a day, fine, but the next day I want you to pick yourself back up and start to reengage in healthy activities that you have boycotted. You know damn well what your body needs. You know how you feel when you are taking care of yourself. So as hard as it may be—and that's really the biggest obstacle in this whole setback scenario is getting back in the game—what does your body need from you? What is it saying to you? Do you need to put better foods into it? Do you need to take more downtime? Do you need to invest in yourself or get a massage or just spend the day in the woods? Maybe you need to get back into the gym or in my case back on my Peloton. Taking care of yourself is absolutely essential. And one of the best ways to recover from a setback is taking a little bit of time to invest in yourself. I also want you to really take a look at the people around you. Surrounding yourself with people who lift you up are, is a great way to start to recover from whatever setback you're coming out of. I'm a huge advocate for business mentors, coaches, therapists, trusted family members, people that really just know you inside and out. Maybe it's just a really great group of friends that you go out with. Sometimes the last thing that you need when you're feeling down in the dumps is an immediate plan or getting right back into action. Sometimes you just need to sit around the fire on a cool summer night and laugh your ass off with a bunch of really great friends. Maybe you just need to get away from your business for a day and go take a road trip or spend the day in the park or go see something that you've been wanting to see. The things—people and places—that you surround yourself with have an enormous impact on your motivation. And before you get back into the grind, sometimes you just need to let it go for a little while. It's okay to have some breathing room. Our natural instinct is when there's a problem, fix it right away. And we don't give ourselves the time to recover from these things and the recovery period is just as important as the comeback. As a matter of fact, it's part of the comeback. After you've given yourself a little bit of time just to marinate in things and let your body and your mind do what it needs to do, then it's a really great idea to get the support that you need in the area that you struggled in. For instance, if this was a huge financial setback, it's a great idea to consult with an accountant or someone that is super financially savvy that can help you see what happened and most importantly, how do we prevent it from happening again in the future? It's okay to have weaknesses, but it's most important to acknowledge your weaknesses and know where you need that help. No one can do all of this alone and you are not expected to have the answers to every single question. If you went through more of an emotional setback, something emotionally happened in your life, maybe seeking out a therapist or a trusted person that you can just kind of unload on and say,"This is what I have, this is what I'm going through, this is what I'm feeling and I don't really know what to do with these things." Therapy has been a literal saving grace in my life and it has really helped me to navigate not only what my emotions are feeling in the moment, but where are they stem from. Why are they happening? Why do these certain emotions continue to reoccur in my life and how can I be aware of them so that I can start to shift that mindset? Emotional turmoil can wreak havoc on your life if you don't deal with it, and again, it's okay. You don't have to go at this alone. You just have to be willing to allow someone to come in to help you overcome it. If you experienced a business setback, maybe something shifted in your business or something went wonky that you weren't expecting and you just don't know how to deal with it, that's where a business coach or a consultant is absolutely priceless. A lot of times these folks see your business from a different perspective. They have fresh set of eyes. They can see things that you can't because you're so knee deep in it and face down in your computer and trying to figure things out. The solution often is really easy and right in front of you, but it can be the hardest thing to see because it's clouded in front of you. Sometimes this is integrating new strategies or changing processes or shifting the way that you do things on a regular basis. Sometimes these setbacks are out of your control and sometimes they're a direct result of something that you have done. And either way, it's not right or wrong and it's not good or bad, but it's an opportunity to learn and to shift. The other thing I want you to do is you have to start shifting your frame of mind. If you didn't listen to last Tuesday's episode on mindset, I highly encourage you to go back and listen to that because your mindset is really the navigation to your entire course. If you've gone through something and then you continue to beat yourself up, it's going to be really challenging to not only overcome it but prevent it in the future. Guys, you have to be easier on yourself. And I'm saying this out loud so that I can hear it back into myself as well because it's so easy to put the blame on ourselves, to point the finger back at us and say,"I'm screwing everything up. Here we are again. I told you this was going to happen." Being positive in a challenging situation is not always easy and it's most certainly not always the first reaction that we want to give it. But if you start to shift your mindset to say,"You know what, this was really crappy, but this is also a really incredible opportunity for me to reshape things and get back on track." And if you've done the work ahead of this by letting your emotions have the time that they need and seeking out the advice that you need from trusted people, when you start to shift back into,"Okay, you know what, I'm ready to get back in there." And it's not always like this bold statement that you say to yourself, but sometimes it's just a feeling. And a lot of times it's just being willing to make one move. A handful of episodes ago we talked about how do we find inspiration when we're not motivated to do anything. That often starts with literally just doing something. Maybe it's making a phone call or sending an email. Maybe it's changing a document or going out and talking to people. But the fire starts to reignite after you start to slowly build yourself back into it. You may not feel like doing it and that's completely normal, but if you're willing to try, there's amazing opportunity on the other side of this. And then last but not least, now it's time to get a plan and start moving. Sometimes this is a reroute of your strategy and re-looking at things from a bird's eye perspective. Sometimes this is absorbing a lot of new information, so listening to podcasts or picking up a new book or reading an article that you've been meaning to read. When you can flood yourself with awesome information, that's also a natural fire-starter. Remember too, that Rome wasn't built in a day. So you're not going to overcome this overnight most times. So I really want you to look at your priorities. What's your number one goal and what are a handful of actionable things that you can do to get to that? Usually what happens is once we do start to get a little bit of that fire back, then we want to do all the things in the shortest period of time possible and then we get burnout. But if you prioritize your list, what are three to five actionable things that you can do this week and next week to get you closer to your goals? It's also really important to be open minded to changing the way that you do things. So if you keep doing the same things, you're going to keep getting the same results. And ultimately you put yourself in a position where you may end up right back where you started. So sometimes it's being open to say,"You know what, that didn't work, so I need to try something different." It might be uncomfortable and it may be foreign and it may be a little challenging at the get-go, but in the long run, this could be the new thing that shifts your entire business. You also don't have to overcomplicate things. I think as humans, one of our natural tendencies is to make things as complicated as freaking possible. So if it starts to get really big or hairy or grey or you don't understand it, sometimes it's just a natural sign to say,"You know what? Pause. This is getting a little bit too big too quickly and I need to go back down to my priority list and say, how can I simplify things? How am I over complicating it and do I need someone else's point of view to help me through this?" Setbacks suck, right? They're not fun. They don't make us feel great. But if you start to really look at your setbacks as an opportunity to say,"You know what, this was, this was one of those moments that's going to get me to the shining moment on the other side. I'm going to learn something really amazing in this situation that's gonna number one, help me prevent it from happening in the future, but two help to set me and my entire team up for success." Part of overcoming setbacks is embracing them and knowing that they are part of the ebb and flow of business. Be easy on yourself. Okay, you're doing a great job and I can't wait to see the amazing things that you conquer. And speaking of taking care of ourselves, join me for this week's powerback as we talk about daybreaks. Getting up from your computer and putting down your technology and getting back out into the sun and the breeze and the warmth, and allowing yourself a mental break from your heavy day to day tasks. Until then, follow The Gutsy Podcast on Facebook and Instagram and for more business nonsense, follow me personally on Instagram@ThatLauraAura. See you next time.[inaudible].