OVERTHINKERS ANONYMOUS
This podcast is for any and everyone who struggles with overthinking or “getting out of their own head” . It is a no judgement, anonymous, and open platform that we can collectively discuss what is causing us inner turmoil. It will also be a space of encouragement and positive affirmation that you can use to propel your life forward.
OVERTHINKERS ANONYMOUS
Unraveling Self-Worth to Quiet the Overthinking Mind
Have you ever been paralyzed by the voice in your head that overthinks every decision you make? My name is Pam Gonsoulin, and I've wrestled with that voice too. Today, I invite you into a space where together we peel back the layers of our self-perceptions, examining how self-esteem influences our tendency to overanalyze. This episode of Overthinkers Anonymous is a heartfelt exploration into the roots of self-worth, where we learn that embracing our journey towards self-love can guide us to a life unhindered by the weight of our own thoughts.
As you join me on this intimate voyage, we'll celebrate the nuances of self-appreciation and the power of setting personal boundaries. You'll discover the vibrancy in acknowledging your strengths and the courage found in drawing lines that protect your peace. Through my personal experiences and the shared stories of others, we'll confront the challenges that shape our thinking, and together, step boldly into a space where our self-esteem is nurtured, and overthinking finds no refuge. Ready to grow? Let's begin this transformational quest towards mental and emotional equilibrium.
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If you need a Life Coach or Mentor to support you on your journey to freedom reach out to me @pamelagonsoulin@att.net
I've been up and down for so long. Crazy how right can become so wrong. The thoughts in my head Keep me on a constant rollercoaster and I just want some peace. Tonight Feels like my heart done, left me stranded, just floating away on a melody, leaving me to all my tears. I just hope somebody here's landed Sides to come and rescue me, cause I've been through so many and the only way to get past the pain Are the prayers that pray to keep my sanity. Tell me, have you ever been caught up in your mind, so unaware of time, cause you can't stop thinking, oh, and it feels like you're breaking down inside. You wanna let it ride, but you can't, cause you're overthinking it all.
Speaker 1:Hello, hello. I'm Pam Gonsolin and I want to welcome you to the Overthinkers Anonymous Podcast. Listen, I'm so excited and so glad that you guys are joining me here today. I want you to go and I want you to subscribe to this podcast. You can find the link to subscribe in the description box. All you have to do is click the link and then you will be able to be subscribed to the podcast and you won't miss not one episode. You won't miss a thing, and so I want you to subscribe, I want you to download the podcast, and also I want you to tell somebody else about the podcast. I want you to tell somebody else that's struggling with overthinking, that needs to be able to understand how they can come out of overthinking and overcome it, and so that's what I want you to do for me. I would be so appreciative if you would get that done. Listen, as I said earlier, I'm so glad that you guys are joining me here today. On last week I talked about. I started talking about keys to building your steam, and we got into a specific topic about spiraling, in which I endeavored to bring on Dr Ashley Gonsolin, but there has been scheduling conflicts, and so we weren't able to come together on this week to meet. But rest assured that it will happen, and so what I want to do this week is to continue with giving you some of the keys to be able to build your steam. Build your steam.
Speaker 1:There are three types of self-esteem. There is an overly high self-esteem, where you feel superior to others. You have an overly high estimate of yourself. You feel entitled. Then there's low self-esteem, where you feel inferior to others. And then there's the happy medium, the in-between, where you have a healthy self-esteem. You have an accurate and balanced self-view. In other words, your view of yourself is balanced. It's not way high and it's not way low, but it's balanced. You have a balanced and an accurate self-view. It's not distorted, it's not made up, but it's accurate. It's true, it's who you are. And so that's the place that we're endeavoring to get to.
Speaker 1:We're endeavoring to get to a place where we have a healthy self-esteem, because our esteem affects the way that we think. It affects the way that we think about ourselves, it affects the way we think about others. Our esteem plays a great role in how we think, and so that plays also a part in our overthinking, in overthinking, and so if we can develop a healthy self-esteem, then we can develop also a healthy way of thinking. We can develop healthy perspectives, healthy outlooks that will curb our overthinking. So one of the very first keys that I want to give you to building your esteem is self-awareness Self-awareness A major key to building healthy self-esteem is having a firm grip, a firm understanding on just who you are.
Speaker 1:Do you know who you are? Have you taken the time to discover who you are? Rebuilding your esteem is going to require you to embark upon a journey of self-discovery. Self-discovery you know, I kind of spoke about this on the last time and I said that, you know, sometimes we have to come face to face with some things about ourselves, about our relationships. We have to come face to face with some things about our actions, our character, that are not at all pleasant. They may not all be pleasant, but if you can confront the issues and do the work to move past them, which is going to require some change, then your life can be so much better. But we have to embark upon the journey of self-discovery. You've got to be able to discover who you are. Do you know who you are or are you? What someone else has told you Is who you are, based upon what others have told you about yourself, or is that how you really feel about yourself? How do you really feel about yourself? Who are you?
Speaker 1:Self discovery involves discovering what you like, what you don't like, what you're good at doing, what goals you want to accomplish, discovering what kind of person you want to be, the vision that you have for yourself. Self discovery what do you like? What don't you like? What are you good at doing? What are you not so good at doing. Just because you're not so good at doing it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with that. It just means that you're not good at doing that. But it's something else that you are good at. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. We all do. We all have areas that we major in and areas that we minor in. But that doesn't make us any less of a person. It just makes you a person. It makes you human, because no one person can do everything. No one person is good at everything. That it takes you going on the journey of self discovery to find out what you're good at and what you're not good at.
Speaker 1:Self discovery involves discovering what your needs are. What are your needs and how to express them properly. What do you need to feel loved and appreciated? What do you need? If you don't have a clue and are honest about what you really need, then how can the need be fully addressed? If you don't have a clue about what you need, or if you're unwilling to be honest with yourself about what you really need, then how can the need be fully addressed? How can the need then be met? So, what are your needs.
Speaker 1:There's a book that came out years ago on the five love languages, the five love languages, and it listed five different things that were considered to be our love languages Words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, all of those different things. And so what good is it to have someone giving you gifts if your love language is words of affirmation? What good is that? What purpose does that serve you to have that Someone giving you gifts but your love language is words of affirmation. Words of affirmation, so they're missing the mark and you're going unfulfilled because your needs not being met. So there was physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service. So what if they're giving you acts of service but your love language is physical touch? Well then, that means what your need is going unmet, and because you're unwilling to, you don't know what you need, you're unable to express what you need, your need goes unfulfilled.
Speaker 1:And so you must take the time to discover what our needs are.
Speaker 1:What do we need to feel loved?
Speaker 1:What do we need to be appreciated so that those needs can be met?
Speaker 1:Not only those emotional needs, mental needs, but also your needs include your physical needs, physical needs. What physical needs do you have? And how you feel physically plays an important role in how you feel mentally and emotionally. If you're not feeling good in your body, that takes a toll on your mental state. That takes a toll on your emotional state, if you're not feeling good in your body. And so we've got to be able to discover what our needs are. You've got to take care of yourself. Go to the doctor.
Speaker 1:If you're not feeling well, get a checkup, get some rest, relax, take a load off of your feet for a while. You're always doing stuff, constantly doing stuff, doing, doing, and you've run yourself into the ground. And so when your body feels drained, then guess what? Your emotional and mental state becomes drained, and so does your self-awareness how you feel. So does your esteem. It becomes drained. And so we've got to be able to now begin to be self-aware, and that self-awareness includes your physical needs also your physical needs, cause guess what, if you're not feeling well, like I just said, it affects your esteem. And so when we begin to take care of ourselves, when we begin to take the load off, get rest, get relaxed, get the proper sleep, do something fun that you enjoy. Guess what it will boost your overall wellbeing. Those things help to boost your overall wellbeing. But if you don't know what you like, you don't know what you enjoy, that how can you boost your wellbeing? So it takes self-awareness.
Speaker 1:Self-awareness is very key. It's a very key factor in building your self-esteem, see, because the day and times that we're living in, we can no longer afford to walk around with our heads in the cloud or our heads buried in the sand. We've got to be aware. We've got to be aware of who we are and what we want, what we possess, what we don't possess. We've got to be aware of all of those things, as well as other people. But the awareness starts with you.
Speaker 1:Number two self-acceptance. Self-acceptance Once you discover who you are and accept the picture that you see, knowing that if it's something that I see that I don't like, it can be changed, but also with the understanding that that is who you are right now. So, once I discover who I am, I accept who I am, with the understanding that that is who I am right now, but I'm still under construction. I'm still under construction, meaning there's some things that I can change, there's some things that I can do different, there's some things that I can possibly do better. You know, it said that the greatest space in your life. The greatest room in your life is the room for improvement. So we all have areas in our lives that we can improve upon. But it starts with accepting who you are right now. And then, when you begin to accept who you are now, then you can begin to improve upon who you are. You can begin to improve upon who you want and desire to be.
Speaker 1:And so when the negative thoughts come because I know who I am and I accept who I am, then guess what I can then now begin to challenge those thoughts. It gives me a basis for challenging the negative thoughts that will come, the negative thoughts that come with overthinking. When I know who I am and I accept who I am, I can challenge those thoughts. Those negative thoughts won't be able now to distort the truth about who you are because you know who you are and you can replace those distorted thoughts with positive and affirming thoughts of yourself. Yeah, when there is self-acceptance, then I can replace the negative thoughts about myself with positive. I can replace the distorted thoughts, because with overthinking comes distortion. Your thoughts are distorted and it causes overthinking. Your thoughts are distorted about yourself and how you see yourself, how you see others. But when I have a self-realization of who I am and I accept who I am, then, guess what? We can kill the distortion, we can challenge the thoughts and we can replace the distorted thoughts with positive, affirming thoughts of ourselves.
Speaker 1:And so when there is self-acceptance guess what? You won't be afraid to say no. Most times, we always say yes and we always agree because we want to be liked, we want to be accepted, we want to be loved, and we say yes, guess what? So that we won't disappoint others, meanwhile disappointing ourselves. We disappoint ourselves by saying no all the time when there were times that we, when we say yes all the time, when there were times we wanted to say no, but we were afraid to say no because we were afraid of what are they going to think of me? How are they going to feel about me? But if you have a healthy self-image of yourself, if you feel good about yourself, then what somebody else feels about you, what somebody else thinks about you, won't affect you, it won't move you, and so you won't be afraid to say no because you're comfortable with you and who you are Self-acceptance.
Speaker 1:So with self-awareness comes self-acceptance. You've got to begin to accept who you are the good, the bad, the ugly, the indifferent. Accept who you are. And when you can accept who you are, then you can move on from there. You can build from there, you can change from there. But it first comes with self-acceptance, self-awareness and then self-acceptance. Once I'm aware I have to accept who I am. I have to accept I am, whatever that may be, whoever that may be. I have to accept who I am. And when I can accept who I am, then I can build on that. I can build a healthy self-esteem based on that. Because I realize that I may be this way right now, but I'm still under construction. I'm still under construction, meaning the best of me has not even been discovered yet. The best of me has not even been brought to the forefront yet. There's still more to come. There's more to come. And then my last point.
Speaker 1:We talked about self-awareness, self-acceptance, and now let's talk about self-love, self-love. Do you love yourself? Do you love yourself? Really, you should love yourself and take care of yourself. If you don't love you, how can you expect anybody else to love you? You've got to love you. Love yourself, love yourself. There's nobody else like you on the face of the earth. Love yourself. You might have been through some hard times, some tough times, but you made it through those times. Love yourself, be kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself, show compassion to yourself. Stop being so hard on yourself. After all, you're only human. Sometimes we think that we have to be superhuman, we have to be these superhuman beings, but you're not super human. You're only human, with all of the flaws, all of the attributes, all of everything that comes along with it. You're human. You're gonna make mistakes, you're gonna mess up, but you're also gonna do some things right. There's also some good, a whole lot of good, in you. So love yourself, take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Start writing down some things that you admire about yourself, some things that you like about yourself, some positive things about yourself, and start focusing on those things. Stop focusing so much on the negative things about yourself and what you don't like about yourself. Stop focusing on the negative. Focus on the positive things. Take a moment and jot down some of the positive things that about yourself, some of the things that you admire about yourself. Write down some of those things. Write down how you're always willing to help. Write down how you are always willing to go out of your way to do things for others. Write down some things that you admire about yourself. Write down how you're a hard worker. You don't mind working hard to achieve and get what you want. Write down some things that you admire about yourself, some things that you like about yourself. Positive things about yourself. Don't focus on the negatives. Focus on the positives. Don't focus on how much you weigh. Don't focus on your size negative stuff. Focus on the fact that you have a beautiful voice. You have a beautiful smile. You light up a room whenever you enter. Focus on those things. Love yourself and by all means, this is a big one.
Speaker 1:Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop comparing yourself to others and love who you are. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your value is not determined by how you stack up against somebody else. So stop comparing yourself to others. Remember I said that we are all individuals. No two people are alike. So stop comparing yourself to others and what you see in others and start building upon what you see in yourself, the positives of who you are. Start building on those things. Stop looking at how you stack up against somebody else, because guess what? All that you see is not always gold. Everything that glitters is not always gold. Sure, they may have this and this going on, but you don't know how they got to that place. You don't know what they had to go through to get to that place. All you see is the glam, all you see is the glitz, but you didn't see the behind the scenes of what they had to do to get there. So stop comparing yourself to others. Stop thinking that others are better than you. There's nobody else that's better than anybody else. We're all the same. We're all equal. Love you, love you. Love who you are, who you are created to be.
Speaker 1:Set healthy boundaries. That's another one. Set healthy boundaries. Set some healthy boundaries for yourself. Set some healthy boundaries for yourself. Set some healthy boundaries for yourself.
Speaker 1:See, we don't have boundaries because we are afraid to offend others. We are afraid of how we will look to others. What will seem like to others if we set boundaries All the while we are offending. We won't set healthy boundaries because we don't want to offend others All the while we are offending ourselves. We are offending ourselves to please someone else, because we're afraid of rejection. We're afraid of rejection. So we have no boundaries in place. We have no boundaries and because we have no boundaries, we insult our own self-worth. We insult our own intelligence. Stop insulting your own intelligence. Stop insulting your own self-worth about yourself by not setting healthy boundaries. Stop letting people cross boundaries with you and you not saying anything about it. Stop letting people insult your intelligence and you not saying anything about it.
Speaker 1:It's time for you to find your voice. Find your voice, the voice that you're hearing in your head, that you're speaking. It's time for that voice to be heard, because when we can begin to speak audibly what we're hearing internally that's causing the overthinking then guess what? The overthinking will stop. The overthinking will stop. Find your voice. Set healthy boundaries.
Speaker 1:Stop being a people pleaser. Stop being a people pleaser. See, we have unhealthy boundaries. Because we want to please people, we are afraid to speak up for ourselves. Because we want to be people pleasers, we do all kinds of things that we wouldn't normally do, things that we don't even like to do, because we want to what Please people. Stop being a people pleaser. Let go of the negative people that are in your life. Let go of the negative people that are in your life who all they do is bring your negativity and bring you down. Every time they talk to you, they're talking negatively and they bring you down.
Speaker 1:It's time to love yourself. It's time to love yourself by letting go of those negative people, by stop being a people pleaser. It's time to love yourself by forgiving yourself For past missteps, for past thoughts. Forgive yourself Sure, you might have made a misstep, you might have messed up. Forgive yourself, love yourself, forgive those past bad thoughts that you had. Forgive yourself and move on.
Speaker 1:Celebrate your wins, celebrate your successes, celebrate your life, celebrate your life Because, guess what? You've only got one life to live, so celebrate your life, celebrate your wins, celebrate your successes, celebrate those positive attributes that you have. Celebrate, love yourself, love yourself. The fact that you're listening to this podcast is a positive step forward that you can celebrate. It means that you're taking steps to make your life better, so celebrate that You're moving forward.
Speaker 1:Celebrate that self love. You've got to love yourself. You've got to love yourself. If anybody loves you, you should love you. Love yourself, love yourself.
Speaker 1:So we had self awareness, self acceptance and self love. What does self love look like for you and when we can begin to put all of these things into practice? All of these things Will help to build our esteem, help build the way that we think and feel about ourselves, and when we can begin to feel better about ourselves, feel good about ourselves, love ourselves, then we can begin to function and operate from a healthy state and operate from a healthy mental space, A healthy emotional space. That will quiet the thoughts of overthinking. It will quiet those thoughts of overthinking. Listen, I'm glad that you took the time to join me today for this edition of the podcast, this episode On keys to building self esteem. I want you to put into practice everything that we've talked about this week and when we come in next week, we're going to dive a little bit deeper Into this self esteem issue that we're facing and we're going to overcome our overthinking. We're going to do better, we're going to be better. I'm Pam and I am an overthinker. Join me next week. Bye, bye.