Speaking With Confidence

Resilient Leadership: Transforming Trauma into Motivation with Brian Fleming

• Tim Newman • Season 1 • Episode 21

Share episode

Send us a text

Welcome back to "Speaking with Confidence," the podcast dedicated to enhancing your public speaking skills and boosting your self-confidence. I'm your host, Tim Newman, and today we have a deeply inspiring and thought-provoking discussion lined up for you with our guest, Brian Fleming.

Brian Fleming is a retired US Army sergeant, motivational speaker, author, and advocate for trauma survivors. Having served four years in the Army and survived two near-death encounters in combat, Brian brings a wealth of experience and wisdom to our conversation. He has spent over a year recovering from severe injuries and has turned his personal trials into a powerful platform for helping others. Brian is also the host of the "Podgasm" podcast, where he aids individuals in becoming effective communicators.

In this episode, we explore several pivotal themes surrounding overcoming the constraints of others' opinions, the dual nature of social media, the importance of reading and critical thinking, and personal stories of resilience and self-worth. Brian Fleming shares his journey from combat to becoming a motivational speaker, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, positive self-talk, and the transformative power of overcoming life's challenges. Tim Newman complements Brian's insights with reflections on generational differences, mental health, and the significance of strong mentorship.

  1. The Fallacy of External Opinions:
    • Brian Fleming highlights that we often imprison ourselves by valuing others' opinions too highly, even those of people we hold in high regard. He stresses that true freedom comes from being authentic and true to oneself rather than seeking external validation.
  2. Navigating the Dual Nature of Social Media:
    • Both Tim Newman and Brian discuss the positive and negative aspects of social media. While it offers connectivity and information, it also presents challenges like cyberbullying. Brian advises using tools like blocking negative interactions to manage this, drawing a contrast with past methods of resolving conflicts face-to-face.
  3. The Importance of Reading and Critical Thinking:
    • Brian emphasizes personal and professional growth through meaningful reading, warning against the prevalent biased and agenda-driven information. He stresses the need for critical thinking and evaluating different perspectives to form well-rounded opinions.
  4. Transforming Trauma into Value:
    • Sharing his story of surviving traumatic incidents in Afghanistan, Brian talks about how these experiences led him to become a motivational speaker. He believes that trauma, when channeled positively, can create significant personal value and help others, aligning with Viktor Frankl's philosophy on finding meaning in suffering.
  5. Self-Worth and Authenticity:
    • The episode concludes with reflections on self-worth and the importance of minimizing the influence of others' opinions. Brian suggests that embracing imperfections and being authentic can foster a stronger sense of self-worth and lead to more fulfilling personal and professional lives.


For those looking to improve their public speaking and self-confidence, don't forget to check out our public speaking course at f

Support the show

Want to be a guest on Speaking With Confidence? Send Tim Newman a message on PodMatch
Speaking With Confidence
Formula for Public Speaking
Facebook

Tim Newman:

Welcome to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that's here to help you unlock the power of effective public speaking. I'm your host, tim Newman, and I'm excited to take you on a journey to become a better public speaker. I really appreciate each and every one of our listeners and thank you for your support. If each of you could do one thing for me, it would be to give us a five-star review and share the podcast with someone close to you who would benefit from listening. Today's guest is Brian Fleming, a retired US Army Sergeant whose story of resilience and triumph is nothing short of extraordinary.

Tim Newman:

Brian served for four years in the United States Army as an infantry team leader, where he faced some of the most harrowing experiences imaginable. As an infantry team leader, where he faced some of the most harrowing experiences imaginable, his service included two near-death encounters, first with an IED and then with a suicide bomber attacker in Kandahar, afghanistan, on July 24, 2006. Brian's bravery and sacrifice earned him a Purple Heart, and he spent 14 months at Brooke Army Medical Center, enduring painful burn treatments, reconstructive surgery and a brain injury rehabilitation. Brian's journey from a wounded warrior to a global speaker and author is a testament of his resilience and determination. Inspired by the events of 9-11, he joined the military to serve his country, and his experiences in the battlefield profoundly shaped his life and career choices.

Tim Newman:

Over the past 16 years, brian has spoken to over half a million people around the world. He's authored four books and been featured on nearly every major news network in America. His mission is to show other trauma survivors how to move forward in life and discover more healing through the power of storytelling. His podcast, podgasm, helps people communicate effectively and clearly. Brian, thank you for your service and welcome to the show bud.

Brian Fleming:

Hey, thanks for having me on, I appreciate it.

Tim Newman:

You know, when I hear your story, it's amazing that number one you've overcome that. When a lot of our veterans are really really struggling and I really do think you know this lot of our veterans are really really struggling and I really do think you know this is kind of a side thing here I really think we need to do a much better job in taking care of our veterans, you know, especially the ones that have experienced some of the things that you've experienced.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, I agree, it's a shifty world out here.

Tim Newman:

Well, let's go ahead and set the table for our listeners. You joined the Army right out of high school and you were stationed in one of the best and prettiest locations in the country, at Fort Polk and Leesville, Louisiana. So let's let you pick it up from there and kind of tell your story.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, like you said, I joined the Army straight out of high school as infantry in 2003. So we were already, obviously, in Afghanistan. 9-11 was still very fresh and everybody knew we had to do something. Taliban was launching attacks on our country from that place and so we had to go and kick their ass in their own backyard, and we did that for a long time, Unfortunately, 20 years later you know I won't get into the politics of how that thing fell apart, but at least at the time I was in, everybody was on board and we were very much. We very much believed in what we were doing.

Brian Fleming:

I had friends whose families died in New York City on 9-11. So that really hit close to home for me and I just felt like I mean, it was two. It was a couple of things. One it was I had studied so hard. I did really good in high school, I had a 4.0, and the first week of my senior year I went from wanting to go to college and become a doctor to wanting to take a couple of years off because I was so fried in my brain. I didn't want to just jump into college, but I also wanted to, you know, as most, or at least in where I come from, most 18 year old kids they want to shoot some machine guns and blow some stuff up because that's fun, and I got a little more than I asked for. But you know, I also put myself in that position and I take, you know, my my whole portion of responsibility for how my life turned out.

Brian Fleming:

But yeah, so I joined his infantry during a time of war. Some teachers were mad at me. They said, well, you know we're at war, don't you? Why are you doing this? And I thought, yeah, that's kind of the point, I don't know.

Brian Fleming:

There are some people who say never fight, Violence is never the answer, and I don't really hang out with them because even though violence, I believe, should always be the absolute last answer, you shouldn't have to do it. Sometimes it is the only solution to set, to punch the reset button no pun intended in a situation and redeem respect and civility. And so you know, this was one. You know, on a macro level, a world scale, this was one of those situations. You can't just sit back and let a bully keep bullying you and hurting your family. You have to do something. And so you have to be proactive and you have to go start being violent against the bully, and so that's pretty much what it was.

Brian Fleming:

So I did my first year in South Korea with the second infantry division, got back, was stationed, as you said, at Fort Polk, Louisiana, which I thought was kind of weird, because I was assigned to the 10th Mountain Division, which is a light infantry mountain warfare unit, Right, and they started a fourth brigade in the swamps of Louisiana and I thought my orders were wrong and so I took them back and I said these orders are wrong. You know, 10th Mountains in New York they go, no, private Fleming, you're wrong. We're starting a new fourth brigade of the 10th Mountain Division at Fort Polk, Louisiana. And that's the first time I considered the real definition of the phrase military intelligence, Intelligence, right, and so yeah, and then they sent me to Afghanistan, which is mostly mountains, to fight a war for almost a year.

Tim Newman:

It's amazing. Sometimes it really is, and you know my brother was stationed at Fort Polk for a while and he retired down there. I'm sorry, I know you and I talked about it a little bit and God bless him. He loves it there. I mean, it's out in the middle of nowhere so he doesn't have anybody bothering him.

Brian Fleming:

So that's the, that's the plus, and I will say this I really hated the climate and the weather, but the people and the food were great Phenomenal, absolutely. Yeah, I still have friends who live there. Yeah, it's okay to move. It's absolutely okay to move.

Tim Newman:

We give you, we give you permission. It really is okay. You deployed from Fort Polk to Afghanistan and and pick up your story from there because this is where you know, I think, people you talk about that. The whole point was to go in and help fight and win this war, and now you're actually in the war, you're, you're, you're in the fight. What happens next?

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, so we arrived in Kandahar at Kandahar airfield I believe it's about March 15th, 16th, middle of March 06. And we are there. We go about an hour, hour and a half north of there to a small kind of village called Kalat, where Fob Lagman was. That's where I was, we operated out of while we were there, and about a month later after arriving, on April 18th of 2006, my vehicle ran over a double stack of anti-tank mines that were buried in the road in the Argendab River Valley, and so we were in uparmored Humvees at that point. Double stack of anti-tank mines. They blew up my vehicle, set it on fire, completely destroyed it. We were all inside when it happened, obviously, and we all got out. Nobody died, thankfully.

Brian Fleming:

Two guys were injured but thankfully returned to duty a month later, and I I didn't sustain any known physical injuries at that point. I wasn't bleeding or anything like that, so I didn't get medevaced out, so I stayed on the mission. But I did notice I started forgetting things and having headaches every day, and I wouldn't know this until about a year later. These were signs of a traumatic brain injury from the concussion of the blast that went off underneath our seats, and so stayed on the mission. Some people say, wow, you must have gotten a weekend off after that, right? No, we were stranded out there for two or three days, and then we were given a follow-on mission on the way back to our base, because, hey, you're already out there, might as well do something while you're out there. And so, uh, hey, that's what we signed up for, though that's exactly what we were there for and we had no problem with it, right?

Tim Newman:

so you get everybody back. Obviously you, you lose the humvee um ande and you're out on another mission. And what happens?

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, nothing really happened on that one. We just kind of drove way out of the way.

Tim Newman:

No move forward to the second incident with the suicide bomber. The suicide bomber.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, so I had this. This is a few months later, on July 24th of 2006. I had this idea that I wanted to reclass my job from infantry to EOD, which is explosive ordnance disposal they're the bomb squad. Why I wanted to do this? I have no idea the things you want to do when you're 20. I don't know, but anyway, I had this P3 it's what it's called on my medical record, which means I was physically unfit for active duty, which is funny because I've been running up and down mountains fighting Taliban for five months at that point, and so I had to go down to Kandahar get reevaluated so I could get that removed from my records, so I could continue the process of changing my job.

Brian Fleming:

Well, we get two miles from the front gate to kandahar airfield, which was our final destination, and a, a minivan which I was in the front. I was in the front passenger seat of the lead vehicle. I was a truck commander of about a 15 vehicle convoy and this white minivan somehow got right up next to me and slammed into my door and exploded. The whole entire van blew up and it was being driven by a suicide bomber, so he blew up basically from me to this wall which is about arm's length away from me, and I had no idea what happened. I woke up laying face down in a ditch on the side of Highway 1 in Kandahar. My helmet had been blown off my head, my face was a full neck second degree burn. Third degree burns on some of the back of my neck and both my hands. Full thickness, third degree.

Brian Fleming:

I had no idea where I was, didn't, didn't know what happened. My first thought when I woke up because I didn't remember anything happening I don't recall an explosion taking place my first thought was why would I go to sleep here? Kind of funny, because just because I didn't remember laying down there, I thought how did I get here? So I did sort of a push-up and I got to my feet and I thought, well, maybe we're in a firefight, well, nobody's shooting anybody, so that was a plus and so well, and we're not fighting. What's what's going on? And then I thought, shit, where's my weapon? I couldn't find my weapon. It was still in the vehicle and in a war zone, your weapons like your arm. You didn't go anywhere without it. You don't go eat, you don't go to the bathroom, you don't do, and you don't sleep without it. You sleep with it in your arms with you. So, yeah, I had no idea what was going on there.

Brian Fleming:

My my driver, thankfully, was a medic, a combat medic, who performed his job flawlessly, taking care of me and my gunner, who were both injured, called in the nine line. Medevac had the bird there to evacuate us. Medevac, uh, within within about 30 minutes, which is pretty good time. And then I spent I spent the next 14 months at Brook army medical center Uh, you're in two months at that hospital burn treatment, reconstructive surgery and, uh, their occupational physical therapy things like that, uh, for getting my body, getting my body and my brain back from the injuries.

Tim Newman:

And that's the tough part, you know. I'll spare the listeners some of the details that you've shared in the past with what happens to burn victims and what they have to do.

Brian Fleming:

Oh, I can tell them that if they want to hear it.

Tim Newman:

Go ahead.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, what they do is they do a process called debridement, which I did not know they had to do and I'm thankful my medic didn't tell me. But the night I got to Brook Army Medical Center, that was actually the worst part of the whole injury, because they took me into the shower room and they took all my clothes off and they're spraying me down with water and they said the head nurse looked at me and he said hey, Sergeant Fleming, we're going to do this as quickly as possible so it'll be as painless as possible. And I didn't know what he meant by that, but it didn't sound good. And it was at that point him and two or three other nurses they all pulled out razor blades and they had to start shaving and tearing and ripping the burned, charred skin off and bloody skin off of my hands, face and neck while I was still awake, because I would have died of infection if they didn't get my wounds clean.

Brian Fleming:

And they don't put you out for it because they're afraid you might go into a coma if they have to do it multiple times. So they keep you awake for it and so you're basically being filleted alive. And it's the most god awful experience in my life and I had friends who were burned way worse than me. I can't even begin to imagine how much worse their experience was. But you know what? Those? Those, that military medical community. They kept me alive and I'm well today because of them, and I'm so grateful.

Tim Newman:

And it's amazing, with the technology that we have, like you said, you know if these types of things happened. You know, really, really, even into the 80s we didn't have some of this technology and some of the speed and things of that nature. To me, it's obviously a good thing that we're taking care and we're keeping people alive of the mental issues, the PTSD and brain injuries. I think we need to do a better job of caring for them and figuring out how to treat them better than what we're doing as well, because, as you said, you took a blast and that compression injury that we didn't even really think about back in the early 2000s. Now we're starting to think about that a little bit better as well.

Brian Fleming:

Back, in the early 2000s. Now we're starting to think about that a little bit better as well. Yeah, because, to your point that's a very valid point because we're surviving things that as human beings we never could have survived back in Vietnam, or even the 80s, like you said, we weren't there medically with technology. Well, now we are. So where we used to just die, we're surviving and there's effects on that survival, end of it.

Brian Fleming:

And so it's just, you know, it's an evolution in in health care and survival and, and I think the human being, in the human condition, being pushed forward and learning how to continue to adapt and overcome the things that present themselves to us that we didn't expect, which is actually a concept of life we all need to embrace, Absolutely. I mean, things are going to change. You're not going to expect them and you can't just lay down and die and quit. You have to have the mindset that life is going to screw you over. Like don't expect it to, but expect it to. Like it's like hope for the best, you know. Pray for the, you know. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

Brian Fleming:

But life? If you think things coming against you or having obstacles means you did something wrong, you have the wrong mindset. Life is a roller coaster, by default. It's up and down. It's four seasons. There's a cold, you know, dank winter, where everything's dead and maybe you don't want to be around. But then there's spring and summer and beautiful fall weather, which we're having up in northern Michigan right now, and nothing stays the same forever. It wouldn't be natural for it to. The seasons always change in life. But, yeah, you have to have that mindset that, hey, all right, this happened. It is what it is. We need to handle it how we need and where are we going next?

Tim Newman:

Right, and anything that's worth having or worth doing is hard and difficult. You have to have challenges, you have to be able to fight through whatever it is. You know there's many different ways to look at it. You know there the the 10,000 repetition, 10,000 hours, whatever it is. But what? If you want to be good at something and if you want to progress at something?

Brian Fleming:

it's going to take work, it's going to, it's going to be frustrating and you just have to learn how to fight through it here's the amazing thing, though like I just came from the gym, I actually rushed home to get here because I'm 12 minutes from the gym. So I rushed home from the gym. But when I was in the gym, I actually rushed home to get here because I'm 12 minutes from the gym. So I rushed home from the gym, but when I was in the gym I was doing hard, long sets. Today, I mean, I was grunting out the last five and just shaking. That's not comfortable, but my muscles get bigger and stronger because I willingly do that.

Brian Fleming:

Be comfortable doing uncomfortable things. If you can master that, you can literally go anywhere and do anything. You cannot be stopped. If you become comfortable doing uncomfortable things whether it's if you're a guy, maybe like me, maybe it's talking to women, or talking to somebody who you know it could be a potential business partner, or going to the gym or eating right I mean, if you can just master that one little thing, um, be comfortable with doing things that are uncomfortable. I mean, if you do anything for like 21 days, it becomes a habit. So if you can just make yourself really uncomfortable for like a week or two, you're, you're going to see a change in your life and it feels good. Not only that. Not only that, though, but you feel amazing. You feel the progress, whereas if you just hate the things that come at you, that you know they don't work out, you're just playing defense the whole time, and you feel like the world's against you when it's not, yeah and that kind of is kind of leading me to the second point here.

Tim Newman:

You know you're in Brooke Army Medical Center and you're going through rehab inpatient, outpatient and somebody enters your life your first mentor enters your life. How important is it for you know young professionals or young people to understand it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to get a mentor to help you, because we can't do this, we can't do big things without other people's help, right? How important is that?

Brian Fleming:

Oh, it's everything. It's the game changer. If you don't have a coach or a mentor or a community, if you don't have people helping you along, you're probably a loser and you're probably going to become and keep being one and you're going to get worse. I mean, look at Michael Jordan, look at Tiger Woods best in their sports in the history of the sport. Some of these guys, they all had coaches. Because here's the thing. Now you say, oh, their coach wasn't as good at golf or basketball as Tiger Woods or Michael Jordan. Right, doesn't matter. Here's the thing.

Brian Fleming:

Here's the thing that a coach can do or a mentor they can look down on your battlefield from their airplane, so to speak, and they can see things on your battlefield that you can't see because you have a very one-dimensional. When I was in Afghanistan, we were boots on the ground, we lived in the mountains and we could only see things I couldn't see over the ridge in front of me. I didn't know if there's a hundred Taliban over there, but you know what? We have an eight, 10 Warthog flying over or an Apache gunship or a Blackhawk flying over and saying, hey, there's a you know about 80 enemy personnel over there.

Brian Fleming:

Stay put, don't go over that ridge, uh, and so that's very, very good to know, given we were a 17 man platoon, that saved us. Uh, you know a lot of ammo and maybe some some worse. And so coaches, mentors, they can see things you can't, and that's one of the biggest advantages there. And somebody who doesn't want that, well one, you just have an ego problem. But the best people who end up pushing through and shining and becoming amazing, they they've had one or many mentors come into their lives and, like you said, to your point, I attribute my recovery, my quick, very expedient recovery, to this individual who came into my life and I didn't plan on meeting him.

Tim Newman:

So talk about that process and how that really started your journey, as to where you are today and the speaking that you do and the multiple podcasts that you've had and the help that you're giving to veterans and businesses all over the world who's a Vietnam veteran.

Brian Fleming:

His name's Dave Reaver. He came to Brook Army Medical Center while I was a patient there and he was horribly wounded in Vietnam, burned by white phosphorus, took half his body off, half his face, and he survived it. Well, he came to talk to me and about 30 other guys who'd been blown up and shot up in Iraq and Afghanistan who were recovering, and I realized he couldn't talk about his story without making us laugh hysterically. It was awesome. I mean, that whole military humor thing, like it was like every other line was a punch line. The guy is just amazing. But it was also a really healing message. He knew how to. He knew how to communicate it well, right, and so that really endeared me. Like that really like caught my attention and I I talked to him afterwards and we became friends. He ended up a month later inviting me to go to one of his events, um, in manhattan, kansas, right outside fort riley, and it was a patriotic rally he was speaking at, and so you know he flew me there to be a part of it. And what I didn't know he was going to do is he pulled me up on stage in the middle of his speech and I was still in burn bandages on my hands, my face was still like pinkish red from the burns. This was only about five or six months after the injury and so very fresh still and he said hey, tell them what happened, take two minutes. So I said something, probably like hey, I'm Brian, I got blown up. I guess I'm still here for a reason. Go for it. Probably the worst motivational speech ever.

Brian Fleming:

But what happened when I stepped off stage is what changed my life. And what happened was there was a young lady there about my age, about 22, 23, mid-20s. She just walked up to me, didn't even tell me her name, and said hey, you know, growing up I was raped and molested, I was abused and then, throughout my teenage years as well, then my boyfriend he was abusive and we broke up recently, and two weeks ago I tried to kill myself but I failed. And instantly I was like oh my God, like are you OK? Like what can I do to help? And I'm so sorry. I didn't know what to say to her. But then she said this she goes. You know, brian, she goes, but if you can survive all that talking about Afghanistan, she goes. I think I can get through this and boom, that's something.

Brian Fleming:

Something came out of me that I didn't know was there, and what I realized later was thanks to Viktor Frankl, who was a Holocaust survivor. He wrote the book Man's Search for Meaning, which is literally one of the best books ever written and you can read it in an afternoon and just ponder it for a lifetime. But he was a psychiatrist, he was a Holocaust survivor, and he said in some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. In some ways, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning. In that moment, when I realized I didn't have any lesson for her or any advice, but her just hearing about me making it through my thing gave her hope that she's not going to go kill herself, I found a sense of meaning in my suffering. I found something new to live for. I wanted to find more people like her, and that's been the fire, that's been the burning desire that's fueled everything I've done for the past 17 years as a professional speaker. I never meant to do this.

Tim Newman:

That's an amazing story. I mean mean, when you step off the stage looking like that and you hear another tragic story and what, what your message has done for her and what her message has done for you in in, like I said, in in an instance, it's, it's life-changing. And I think back to and again, I don't want to downgrade or dismiss anybody's pain and suffering, because we all go through things. But, like you said, if we can, if you can get through what you got through and she can get through what she got through. You know, my dog ate, my homework, or I didn't get an interview for this job, those things are, are, are. I wouldn't even consider minor there's. You just just keep on rolling it. Just you don't know what I mean.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, I, I, I agree, um, I and I, I encourage people when I uh to to think of it more this way like my trauma or somebody like me, my, my trauma is not different than your, or my trauma is not worse than yours, it's just different. It's just different Cause some people say, well, gosh, brian, you know I was, you know, abused sexually as a kid and all this and. But I mean, man, I was never blown up by a suicide bomber. And I go, dear God, are you kidding I would. I mean, I don't want what you had either, but don't downplay the effects of what you've been through. I'd rather go back to Afghanistan and get blasted again than go through that.

Brian Fleming:

So what people need to understand, regardless of the situation, whether it's a trauma or it's, you know you didn't get the job or something didn't work out. My, my story, at least, is not worse than yours. It's just different. Because here's the thing you might look at the explosion and the injury and go, wow, that's definitely worse. Okay, but here's the thing, here's where people really relate to each other, it's the after effects, it's what comes out of those things. And let's say, I mean for somebody who is trying to get a job, or maybe they have a family and those bills are coming up and they don't have the money. That's starting to get traumatic, that is very stressful and that really affects you. Now what level of trauma I don't know, but I can tell you, when you have things due and people rely on you and you don't have what you need, and then the thing you were, you were betting on, doesn't work out, that is a big deal, that, and I would never downplay that. But what the thing the thing is, I'll tell you the biggest thing that I realized through this and this is going to apply to all the people listening to I learned how to turn my situation into value and value. And when you add value to the world, real value, you'll never be broke. You'll never be without friends. You'll never be without people wanting to work with you, because when you, when you offer value, that's the only thing people pay money for, that's what most people are attracted to, and value always comes in the form of solving a problem people have, and the bigger the problem you solve, the more money they're willing to pay for it, or the more they're willing to commit and give you or exchange with you or work with you to help you fix that problem.

Brian Fleming:

So if somebody is looking for trying to try to get a job or work with somebody, get into something, find out the big problems they have and then become the person who's so good at solving that that they can't tell you no, that right there. Because the only reason I mean people didn't hire me just because, oh, this guy got blown up. Let's put him on our stage and hope he doesn't say anything stupid. Oh, and it's an election year, so that's highly probable, you know. But but you see, the thing is, here's the thing they put me on their stages because they have something they want their people to understand that will produce an outcome that organization wants, and they see me as a chess piece on that board that if they move me here on their chess board, it's going to help them accomplish that mission.

Brian Fleming:

I'm something, a piece that they can use to stand on to help get them where they're trying to go. So I'm solving a problem. If there are people that are lacking motivation, well, you hear a story like mine and you go well, damn, maybe my life isn't so bad, or, yes, it is, but he got through and so will I. That can take people a long way because I didn't know this, but when I first heard my mentor speak, when I didn't know him, I thought the same thing Wow, he got through that. I can get through this. I didn't know, I was thinking it, but that's exactly what it was.

Tim Newman:

And let's take it, take that just a step further. When you're hired for a job, you're hired for a reason because you do have that value, you have the skills or you have whatever that organization needs to fill that gap, to solve that problem. What have you? So, when they ask for your opinion, they want to actually hear that opinion.

Brian Fleming:

Your job at a company is to produce more value monetarily, money-wise, what it equates to than what they're paying you. If it's not, then you're on the chopping block because they can't just pay everybody more than they're making the company, the company couldn't exist. So that's the mindset you have to have I have to give more value than they're paying me. If they're paying me, let's say like $10,000 to speak, however, that equates in value. If I motivate their people or teach them some techniques of communication that helps each of their people maybe improve their sales rate by I don't know, let's just be modest a half a percent. Well, if you have 2 000 people doing that and you know a half a percent increase for 2 000 people over the course of the next quarter or year, whatever those numbers already are and that's a percentage that is raised for each of those, that might be another $2 million to the company, right, and then I? Then I walk away going. You should have paid me a lot more for my speech.

Tim Newman:

Exactly, exactly, but, but, but. Again it's. It's getting outside of that imposter syndrome, getting out, stepping away from the, the, that inner voice, that, that voice that we are telling ourselves. Nobody else is telling us that we're not good enough, nobody else is telling us that we shouldn't be there. It's us doing that to ourselves.

Brian Fleming:

Oh yeah, the voice in your head is your worst enemy.

Tim Newman:

It's horrible sometimes.

Brian Fleming:

Nobody will be worse to you than the enemy in your own head. And I call that propaganda and you have to look out for that propaganda that you tell yourself and the thing about it. It can be hard to recognize because you're so close to it, because it's you that. But when you, once you start to recognize it and you start seeing those patterns, you instantly sometimes I'll just say, I'll just say things out loud and just like, just turn the narrative and it's, it's yeah, and sometimes it's really profane, but I don't care, it's like I just I got to get out of that. And the busier I am and the more I'm doing things, the less that tends to creep up on me.

Tim Newman:

Yeah, yeah, you know. Sometimes you know when I'm up talking and you know there'll be a pause or whatever, and inside my head I'm talking to myself and sometimes I'll just chuckle and I tell people you know, if I'm if I chuckle, it means either I said something stupid to myself or I told myself a joke. It's okay to laugh at me when I do that, but a lot of times, truth be told, now the truth is really going to come out. I'm having negative thoughts in my head and I I catch myself say no, we're not going that route. We're going to get back to doing what we're going to get back to being awesome, right, um, and again, it's OK to to have those things, but we can't act on it. We have to push past it and drive on.

Brian Fleming:

Well, the thing is, those thoughts are probably only half truth at best anyway. And it's just as easy to think better, good thoughts about yourself, and it's not egotistical and arrogant. But here's the thing of good thoughts about yourself and it's not egotistical and arrogant. But here's the thing If you have a 50-50 chance of doing well or doing bad at something, or having good talk or bad talk in your head and it's a 50-50 thing well, one doesn't favor the other. There's no advantage of one or the other. Why not just choose the good one?

Brian Fleming:

We're taught so much in society like oh, don't think good about yourself, especially if you grew up like abusively religious, like I did. Oh, that's pride. Don't think good of yourself. Everyone wants to point out the bad in you. Like, no, like you are pretty fucking amazing. You are way smarter than you think you are. You are strong. You can get through more than you think you can. I'm pretty great, you know, and it's not an egotistical thing, it's like it's just the truth.

Brian Fleming:

I've been through a lot of shit in my life and I can endure a lot and I don't want to have to, but I've. I've been through so much that I look at things I go through now and it's like well, it's not that or that other thing or that other thing, and it's okay to think you're pretty amazing because you probably you're I don't know who said this, but you're not as bad as you think everyone says you are, and you're not as good as they all say you are. You're probably somewhere in between. But if you can be bad or good, talk to yourself, just use the good talk and don't be a jerk about it. Yeah, don't be egotistical, Don't be a jerk. But like favor the positive talk, Favor the good thoughts.

Tim Newman:

So in your speaking career and journey, have you ever had any times where you've really messed up or been embarrassed?

Brian Fleming:

And if so how do you overcome that in the moment? Yeah, I've told a couple of jokes that totally bombed. I thought, oh, that'll be funny, and it was crickets and I'm like in my head, I'm like fuck. And it was crickets and I'm like in my head, I'm like fuck. So I just I mean one of the ways I, just off the cuff, I was just like I was like I literally went like this on stage. I'm like all right, boy, take that joke out of the bit, don't do that one again. And then they laughed at that Because I it's like that's another thing, like we're speaking and and talking, being outgoing or getting results.

Brian Fleming:

I used to care so much that everything was perfect and that everyone liked it. And it doesn't matter how good you are, some people are going to like it, some are going to hate you for no reason. You're, you're not going to do anything perfect. And you know, if you did it perfectly, perfectly perfect, nobody relates to that because nobody is that Right. And so, like one of the biggest things in my life, I am so free mentally to say what I want, do what I want. I don't care if people like me. I just turned 40 three weeks ago and I don't know, man, you might agree with this, but there's something about 40 where you just don't care anymore about so many things or you realize, like you know what All these people I have favored their opinions for so long. They're just as dumb or dumber than me, and it doesn't matter how old they are, like it's like I mean I say, hey, respect your elders, sure, but let's be honest, who came up with that rule? Old people?

Tim Newman:

Right yeah.

Brian Fleming:

So it's old people, right, elders. So it's like. It's like we have this idea in our mind that other people, like know so much more than we do and there's so much better. Nobody's actually that much better than you and nobody really has a handle on this life. And so you know, respectfully and productively move forward, but stop giving a shit so much about what someone's going to think, unless it's a really important person that you need to impress for a reason Other than that.

Tim Newman:

That's not most people you'll be so free, or somebody that you, that you you actually care about somebody that's in your, that's in your inner circle, right, absolutely, you know your, your significant other. You know brothers, sisters, immediate family. Obviously you know everybody's a little bit different there, but you know brothers, sisters, immediate family. Obviously you know everybody's a little bit different there, but you know, and I think I also think this is generational If you look at younger, at younger people, younger people, right, they are so worried about what everybody thinks about them. I mean, they're so they've got their face on their phone and they worry about what some, some person who they've never met, have no idea who this individual is. Could be a bot, could be somebody from Russia or China.

Brian Fleming:

Doesn't even have a profile picture.

Tim Newman:

Right, talking about what they said or what picture that they put up, and their entire life is now in the toilet because of that. I've been like this, maybe 40. I don't know, I really don't care. I mean, you know I wish I care about people that that are in my circle, and that's about it yeah, I wish I could take that that whole.

Brian Fleming:

Trust me, you don't have to care so much. You can tell someone that and they, just they would. They don't get it till they get it. I wish I could inject that into every 20 year old and they would just be like, oh my god, I get it. But I had to, I had to get it, like my. I heard it a bunch. I just I had to get it myself.

Brian Fleming:

And you know the people I cared most about, their opinion or what they would think about what I do it was. It was literally I could count that these people on less than one hand or half of one hand, and it was people that who I highly valued their opinion about me and they had invested a lot into my life. But even that, even that they're human beings and I had to learn to let go of that. And there are ways I did that. But I had to learn to let go of that because it was a mental prison for me and at the end of the day, they're not perfect either and they went their own way too. And you know it's like I I wish them best, I love them, you know I'll do anything for them, but I'm gonna be me, and if that's, if that doesn't work for them, then hey, it's like I. I have a new audience out there, uh, that's waiting for me and so, but yeah yeah, it's, it's a it, it's a phenomenon, you know.

Tim Newman:

I go back to when I was a kid. I'm 56 now.

Brian Fleming:

We didn't have social media.

Tim Newman:

It's hard, it's mental math. But we didn't have social media. I remember we had the phone where you had to actually put your finger in and do the dial.

Brian Fleming:

Rotary phones.

Tim Newman:

Rotary phones Rotary phones and so if somebody said something to you at school you didn't like you know for guys we'd just punch each other in the nose and be done with it and we'd be friends after and we didn't have any of this other stuff. So you know, I think you know that's the bad side of social media and you know being so worried about those other things. But social media also has a has a very good and positive side and we need really need to teach the young people that the balance of that Well, here's the.

Brian Fleming:

Here's the thing about social media. This is like a. It's like a cheat code for bullies too, though yes, I've never understood bullying, cyber bullying, becauseying because I've had people write me stupid messages and you know what I do I just go click this little button that says block and they literally don't exist anymore in this world, like I never see them again, I never think about them. You can just delete people and you never see them again anywhere or hear of them. It's great, like when we were grown up. You know the bullying in the, in the, in school. Like you or you said something about someone they want to meet you in the parking lot after school and you actually had to like justify what you said. Now you can just click a block button. I don't understand cyber bullying on that because maybe it's just my extreme life experience. But if I can just click a, click a block button, a digital blue button, and I never have to deal with somebody again, that's easy. That's a cheat code Like block them and don't think, move on. Exactly, exactly.

Tim Newman:

And so when I talk to young people trying to get them to get out of their phone, you know I ask them. You know where do they get their information from. Do they read news? Do they read articles? Do they do they read? You know books Nobody reads anymore. I mean truly, truly reads. And I heard you say something a number of years ago on another podcast that you do a ton of reading. How important is reading in becoming a better professional, a better human, all those things. How important is reading and how does that actually advance you in life?

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, reading is really important and the thing is I read things I like and also that are valuable for me and can help me get ahead in life and be better in ways I want to be better. I hated reading in school because all the crap they wanted me to read I didn't like, I wasn't interested. You know the Scarlet letter, for God's sake, you know that burned that thing already, Like ah. But hey, you get out and then you're reading this book, you know, you know by a guy like Alex Ramosi or something, and it's like, oh, this is how this guy became worth a hundred million dollars. Or or the one guy who got out of prison and he's like worth hundreds of millions now, crazy. It's like, yeah, I want to know that guy's mindset, I want to know, like what, what he did or what you know, things like that. So it's, it's very important and that's reading books. I mean, people read a lot, they read social media, which isn't always productive. But here's my perspective Also at this point in my life anything you read is going to be biased in some way, especially if it's if it's like a magazine or if it's if it's, um, you know something on the news, social media.

Brian Fleming:

Everything is biased to me. To me, at this point, everything's propaganda on both and all sides, as people presenting information from their bias, their perspective and, yes, also sometimes their agenda and the outcome they're trying to get. So you have to take that with a grain of salt. You go, okay, this is what this says, unless it's factual, scientific, like hey, the earth is not flat, okay, like I know I'm going to get hate for that, too bad, I don't care. See, I don't care. This is me not caring. It's like I don't care, it's not like. So whatever, be delusional somewhere else.

Brian Fleming:

But reading is important because it makes you a better person. You understand things better. You absorb information in a different way. It's my understanding. I've been told when you read and what I do is when I read through things, I'm underlining things, I'm marking things in the margins, and then when I go back, I can flip through a book, all the books I read. I read about 30 books a year. Every book I go back, through, I can, I can see all the marks and the things that jumped out at me and I, instead of rereading the whole thing, I can go back and I can see what those hot points were, and sometimes it's just the. It's a piece of information that, oh, by the way, I just sort of needed right now with what I'm going through or trying to do, and sort of needed right now with what I'm going through or trying to do.

Tim Newman:

And it's just there. It presents itself. And even if something is, if we again are being intellectually honest and understand that everything is biased, if we read something that makes us question, wow, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense we should also go and find something on the other side of that and see what that says and then try and make up our own mind, as opposed to just buying whatever somebody else is trying to sell you know critical critical thinking.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, that's called being a well-rounded and educated, intelligent individual which is, which unfortunately is not, is not something that a lot of institutions push nowadays? In fact, I don't. I don't quote this person often, but there was a quote that says what great luck for us leaders that men do not think. And do you know who said that? It was a man named Adolf Hitler, oh my God. And do you know who said that? It was a man named Adolf Hitler? Oh my God. And he was absolutely right.

Brian Fleming:

And being political season or whether it is or isn't, you can see this at work. You can say anything and people just rally behind it and you question them two or three levels deep and they can't explain why they agree. And then they get mad because you're questioning them or they don't want to be wrong. They don't understand why they believe or think what they do, but the truth is they've been taught that they're supposed to think and believe certain things and then they're taught not to question it. And so when somebody presents that that's the danger zone, we don't go there. Well, dumb people don't go there.

Brian Fleming:

Smart, intelligent, critically thinking people who change the world go there. But and I understandably that can be scary, especially if it's something of like a religious nature religion, I mean he's the king of this. Unfortunately, it's like don't question that you're gonna burn in hell forever. But for questioning, for asking, like wondering, like that's the dumbest shit in the world to me, like I think if there's a loving god, he wants us to try to figure him out and he gave us minds to be able to do so for a reason. That's just me, but like I don't think I'm wrong for being curious and I don't think you are either and you should ask questions.

Tim Newman:

And that's that's why I'm not a good employee. So I mean, even even when I was, I'm always asking questions. This doesn't make sense. Why are we doing it like this? Why are we raking rocks? Why do we have to rake this sand? Why do I have to do things that don't make sense? What's the purpose?

Brian Fleming:

Why can't we do it like this? It's like the guy in the army who gets in trouble. So he's out there with a vacuum cleaner in the parking lot in the pouring rain and everyone's like what's he doing out there? It's like he's in trouble, Like it serves no purpose.

Tim Newman:

We know it makes a funny picture you know, but I get, I get called to to, to the what I call the principal's office, all the time. Well, I'm just asking, I'm just trying to figure this out. It doesn't, it doesn't make sense. You want me to do this? We're not. We're not doing that. I'm not, I'm not doing stupid things.

Brian Fleming:

this year I've already decided. Well, and one thing if you're at a job or within an organization, sometimes we'll obviously learn the way they do it, because they do it that way for a reason. It's probably the best practices they know. But then you have to understand too. There are innovators who will disrupt and the system doesn't like that until it understands that person can actually benefit and help the system do better. But on top of that you might have a boss or a supervisor who is very insecure.

Brian Fleming:

If you're sort of better than them at their role and if they allow you to do something that will make you look good, they're afraid sometimes to make them look bad. And what is their job going to get replaced by you now? And there's this whole ego and fear thing One of many situations that happens. But if you're the best at something or you're good at something, you're a good thinker and you're developing ideas and you're a critical thinker and things like that, don't ever shut that down for anybody, never, never. I mean the person who's trying to keep you down. You might be the CEO of that company one day and they're going to work for you five or 10 levels under you. So yeah, do your thing.

Tim Newman:

And always, always look for for people who don't think like that, right, I mean I, I want people smarter than me. I want to work with people smarter than me. I want to hire people smarter than me. I want to be able to help people reach that full potential, and that's what you know. You need to look for leaders that are not ego-driven, that are not worried about somebody being better than them. You know that's part of being a good leader is helping people be better. You know I want my kids better than me, right? I want my grandkids better. You know, whatever it is, and if you find yourself in those positions, yeah, you have to do what you have to do. But go back to what we talked about earlier finding a mentor, finding somebody who can help you develop skills and help you get better at whatever you're doing and and provide that value that you need to be provided.

Brian Fleming:

So, yeah, and and if you, if you do have an idea let's say you're within a company or an organization and it's a little disruptive, but it's an idea you think could help the company do better, just, I mean say something like hey, I know we do it this way, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. Say something like, hey, I know we do it this way. I'm thinking of ways that actually might be done better, that could help the company more and cost the company less. You attach anything with those words. Now, you've got their attention, by the way. I just have an idea I'd like to present, just to see if it might help the company do better. Is that something you'd be open to? Now that's called a hey, stupid question because nobody's going to say, no, hey, I might be able to help your company do better. I have an idea. Would you like to hear it?

Brian Fleming:

So you present it from a place of value. Not, these people are so dumb the way they do it. Nobody listens to me, like there's a reason nobody listens to you. If that's your mindset, always come from. Always, like I said in the beginning of this episode, always come from a place of value and that comes in solving your problem.

Brian Fleming:

And if you're in an organization, if you're one of the people who either helps the company make money or save money, you are the most invaluable asset to that company. So if you're presenting things that can help them either save or make more, good leadership is going to be open to that. And if you present it in a respectful way and just say, hey, I think I think this could be better, what you know, let's punch some holes in it. Maybe I'm not seeing something, but and then if it does work, they're going to go wow, this, this person's really good at this. Like that was incredible, like we need to move them over here or we need to promote them, and you know then you're getting what you want in life Exactly.

Tim Newman:

So one of the things that you do is is you help people get up and tell their story. How do you do that? What's the process? You know, because I think, especially young people they don't spend really any time at all thinking about who they are. You know, I mean truly who they are, what they truly think, what their values and morals are. So how do you pull that out of people and get them to get up and be able to tell that story?

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, it kind of alludes to what I've already said. It all starts with a problem. Look at your life and look at what problems you can solve in the world, Because how you get people to care about what you say is attaching what you say to a problem they have. So, for example, for years I've done, you know, marriage training for the military. These men and women come home from war. Things are different with them, different with their spouse. Their spouse has been running the house for a year or more.

Tim Newman:

But, by the way, those are heroes as well, and I think the spouses and the families get kind of lost in the shuffle. They're sacrificing just as much, as you know, as a service member.

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, and so, yeah, absolutely, and they're probably the most overlooked demographic in that whole military community. But you know, to my point, I've been married almost 19 years now. Happily, I got married three months before I deployed to Afghanistan. So what we're doing, my wife and I, jamie, it obviously works. So I have not that my situation or advice is going to work for everybody. But if I made it through all that the deployment, the injury, the recovery and now, 19 years later, we're still going strong, I talk to them and I say to the coordinator hey, you know what Combat wounded in Afghanistan got married three months before I deployed. We're still together 19 years later. I'd love to come talk to your service members when they get home from deployment about how they can keep their families together and have more fulfilling, successful marriages, which is going to help your unit cohesion be stronger, because when your home life is together, it makes going to work every day a lot easier. Basically, they can't tell me no, unless there's a logistical or a budget thing, because I'm exactly what they're looking for.

Brian Fleming:

I made myself the solution to a problem I know they have and I worded it well. I know exactly what they're dealing with. So think about yourself. If you're hearing me, what problem can you solve in the world? Maybe what have you overcome personally, or what do you know a lot about? Or even if you haven't, what do you know that can help solve a problem? You don't have to be the world's best solution. You just have to be a solution that can help people move, or an organization move forward at least one step in the right direction. Nobody cares about your story until you attach and marry your story to a problem they have. Now this thing is like turned up. Now this thing becomes powerful.

Tim Newman:

Yeah, it really does. And again, to be able to do that, you have to know who you are. You have to spend some time thinking about that and how that solution can can help people. And you know there's like cause. You don't have to be the best at it because of you, don't have to be the only message, because, again, if there was only one message that worked for everybody, we wouldn't have you know experts. Let's just you know John, we wouldn't have John Maxwell. And oh, now I lost, lost. I mean, how many people have written communication books?

Tim Newman:

Very good, I mean exactly yeah, you know it's, it's it's how that message hits you, or individuals, and what actually resonates.

Brian Fleming:

Well, and here's the great thing too, you and I can speak on the same topic, or me and you and five other people.

Tim Newman:

Right.

Brian Fleming:

But let's say, let's say, let's say there's a lady who you know, a woman who is in tech and she's an executive, and she has her perspective. Well, I'm a military guy and I have my perspective and life experience, so we can both be saying good things. But the thing, the thing about not having to be the only person is that there are certain people in the audience or listening or watching, whatever medium you're using. There are certain people in your audience who will relate to you more than someone else and there's others who will relate to someone else better than they relate to you, because they just feel a personal relation to you more, maybe a similar background or your communication style or your life experience. People resonate with different people differently. That's why you can have 10 people talk on the same topic and it's all equally helpful. It's actually more helpful for the audience because everyone in the audience isn't only going to relate to just one speaker only.

Tim Newman:

Exactly. And you know when you talk all over the world and you know, a lot of times it's the same message. And you know the military does a lot of good things. They do a lot of things that don't make sense, like p3, unfit for duty, but you're serving in the war, right, yeah, whatever, yes, that's all you can say.

Tim Newman:

But you know war is fought, battles are fought. Offer over um. You know a five, five paragraph op order and, depending on who you're talking to, whether it's in the military or somewhere else you know, changing some things, wording or terminology, you know you can still get the same message across. You know, talk a little bit about how you actually communicate with different audiences. You know, based on that, on that whole philosophy, yeah, when I, when I plan, my speeches and I talk to audiences.

Brian Fleming:

You know, based on that whole philosophy, yeah, when I plan my speeches and I talk to audiences or I do personal or business coaching, whenever I do that for people, I literally have a version of a five-paragraph op order that I created myself and I adapted it to real life. And I adapted it to real life and I use those key elements that are within an op order to plan out the mission, the speech, the plan for somebody trying to do something and get something in life and go somewhere and accomplish something. Those core concepts. They've been tested in war for decades, hundreds of years, these concepts, and they work. And so when you adapt them to your life, to what you're doing, you have a lot better shot at succeeding and not feeling lost in the middle when things start blowing up all around you. You know you have a contingency plan, you have a backup, you know if something goes wrong.

Brian Fleming:

You get on the battlefield and suddenly it's not the way you were told it looks. There's not three buildings and 12 enemy, there's 19 buildings and there's like 150. Well, you can't treat that the same. You can't just go well, here's the mission, we're doing it this way. No, the battlefield changed Now. You have to change now. You don't have time to not change and you don't have time. You have to think fast and adapt. That happens, but the way I say it, everyone's on a battlefield.

Brian Fleming:

With whatever you're trying to do in life, you're trying to get something. There's an enemy, or multiple enemies, in your way. Those things cause you to think propaganda, like we talked about the negative self-talk that if it can defeat you before you even try, then it's already won. And then you need to have allies, people who can help you mentors, coaches. Listening to stuff like this, this podcast. You want to have some sort of very simply spelled out plan that has a few major steps in it that can help you see your way across the minefield. Step here, don't step here, step here instead.

Brian Fleming:

And then you also have to know what does success specifically look like, what does victory look like when you accomplish a mission? But also, what does defeat look like? What does it look like if you don't get the job, if you don't get the contract, if you don't get whatever? You know there's a consequence for not winning yes, and you need to be very clear on how that's going to affect you and what that's going to be, because when your motivation dies which it will motivation's a roller coaster.

Brian Fleming:

When your motivation goes down, well, that whole mental image of what your life is going to be like if you don't win is very motivating. Instead of pushing, it sort of pulls you through if you don't win is very motivating. Instead of pushing, it sort of pulls you through because, no matter what, all you know is you don't want this certain thing. I mean, if you can't make your marriage work, look, that's all right that that happens, but you got. You got about 15 years of child support and maybe a lifetime of alimony, even if you remarry someone else in five or 10 years. Um, is there something you really can't work through? Like, is this? Is it really a deal breaker? Sometimes it is, but when you look I mean in Afghanistan it was like all right, if we lose a battle, they're going to videotape sawing our heads off with dull rocks and dull knives and then put it on YouTube and on the internet. And now my family might see that that's the consequence of losing a battle in a war zone. Not only that, but you die and they torture you to death. So that's a pretty good incentive to win, even when it hurts.

Brian Fleming:

And you're fucking tired and you're out of energy, you can't even hardly stand up and run. You're so tired and the enemy's wearing a bed sheet and a pair of Crocs. And you're so tired and the enemy's wearing a bed sheet and a pair of crocs and you're wearing, you know, 80 pounds of armor, you got ammo, you got your pack and you're you know 10 000 feet in elevation. It's 130 degrees down at sea level, uh, or at 5 000 feet. And all this and it's like, oh, I just want to quit. Okay, well, you know the consequence and it'll. It'll make you keep going if you're very clear on that outcome. You do not want to happen. So that's basically what I tell people. And then, what's your next step? What's your first next step? Whenever you get lost and tired and confused, what's your next first step? Right now, it's like, if I didn't want to go to the gym this morning, it's all right, put your shoes on. If I put my shoes on, all right, grab the keys, go to the gym.

Tim Newman:

So I just get my shoes on, I'm good you know I'm more disciplined than that by now, but I didn't used to be. Well, you know, but sometimes putting, just putting the shoes on is Is the work. I mean, like you said, you know, make, making, making that decision, you know, having that, that that inner dialogue, just put your damn shoes on and do what you're supposed to do. Um, that's like you said, that that's the the key. Yeah, I have an.

Brian Fleming:

I have an inner drill sergeant and if, if I skip something, it's like oh, it's like I, I, I make myself work harder if I skip something, it's like oh, it's like I, I, I make myself work harder if I skip something. That's why I don't cheat, because they're like. It's like, oh, you want to. You want to go have a glass of beer? Okay, that's fine, but do 50 pushups first for each one. Well then, it's like oh, three glasses of beer. I know I don't want, but I'm doing a thousand pushups today.

Brian Fleming:

Here we go go yeah, and so it's like all right, I don't want to do 150 push-ups tonight, I just don't feel like it, so I'll have one and I'll knock out 50 before I do it. I don't drink and I'll do it after I do.

Tim Newman:

No, you won't you do it before you drink it and then you feel like you earned it, you feel good, that's awesome. Uh, one more thing, other thing. You know you, we talked, and you, you made me laugh with something you said. There are two superpowers in the world. Tell everybody what those two superpowers are?

Brian Fleming:

I'm trying to remember.

Tim Newman:

Brazilian jiu-jitsu and communication.

Brian Fleming:

Oh yeah, yeah, Brazilian jiu-jitsu and communication yeah, definitely two superpowers. Brazilian jiu-jitsu I did that for a number of years two superpowers. Brazilian jiu-jitsu uh, I did that for a number of years. And it can teach a, a smaller person to take down big people and choke them and win in an altercation, um, when otherwise they wouldn't really stand a chance. It's, it's, it is a genuine superpower. And so, as far as self-defense and being able to handle yourself, take care of yourself definitely a good skill to have. And communication is also a superpower, because we live in a world full of lots of confusing messages. I call it fog, like the fog of war. It's confusing. Things get confusing If you can say what you do in a clear and compelling way to the right people who want to hear what you're saying.

Brian Fleming:

You can be bad at this, obviously, and still become president. We've seen this happen many times on both sides of the political aisle. Of course, their speeches are written for them, so you know they have people like me that write their speeches for them. By the way, most of them aren't that good. So you know, they have people like me that write their speeches for them. By the way, most of them aren't that good, but your ability to communicate effectively and clearly is a superpower To say less but to say more in it, and to do it in a way that's impactful and effective. There's nothing you can't do. There's no job you probably can't get if you know how to communicate effectively and do it well and it is. It is yeah, it is the only. It's probably for me.

Brian Fleming:

I'm not good at everything, but if it's, if it's clarifying and creating a compelling and clear message that's focused on a group of people, aimed at what they want to do and what they want to avoid. I can write and speak those messages all day long, and I do because it all comes down to who you're talking to and that whole kind of battlefield concept that I talked about a few minutes ago about what they're going through. You speak to what people are going through, you do it the right way, you do it effectively, and then it's like, wow, it's like God spoke to you to tell me, or it's like you've been reading my mail. It's like, however you want to say it, um, I've done my homework on you. That's what it is, and I actually have solutions that can actually help you get what you want and avoid what you don't want. So I had to.

Brian Fleming:

I had to become good at communicating so I could get people's attention, so I could give them what I know they need, that can help them, because if you're wrapping papers garbage, no one's going to want it. You put something in a Walmart bag, it could be the same item and you put it in a Nordstrom bag. Now it's like the whole perceived value is different. Yeah, but it's how you present it and you present through words.

Brian Fleming:

So yeah, brazilian jiu-jitsu and communicating clearly those are two amazing superpowers. If you get both of those, you're kind of a badass. I think, well, you've got it because you're pretty good at both. But I've had a lot of people. I've had a lot of people teach me those things for years and I've been choked out a lot and I've choked a lot of people. So I've written bad copy and I've writtenoked a lot of people. So, like I've written bad copy and I've written great copy, that some that made no sales, some that made a lot of sales. So it's like it's you win and lose and you learn. It's the whole process, yeah.

Tim Newman:

And you keep trying to keep getting better. That's the.

Brian Fleming:

That is the process of success. You try and you fuck it up sometimes and you just you keep going back and doing it again and getting better each time and before you know it, you're amazing at this thing because you've got a fine tuned and honed in.

Tim Newman:

Right, exactly Well, brian, thank you so much. Where can people find you and work with you?

Brian Fleming:

Yeah, if you want to see what I do you know, with public speaking and my professional speaking just go to blownupguycom. It's real easy to remember because I'm a guy who got blown up. There are speaking. Just go to blownupguycom. It's real easy to remember because I'm a guy who got blown up. There are thousands of guys like me who got blown up in the war, but I'm just the guy who bought blownupguycom like a year after I got blown up and I don't look blown up anymore. But it's easy to remember because nobody can spell brian or fleming and most adults in america write the word brain instead of brian, uh, which is sad, but uh, they remember you're that guy who got blown up, so it's blownupguycom. You can email me there as well If you want to work with me or do any coaching things like that, or book me for your event.

Tim Newman:

Well, Brian, thank you so much. Thank you for your service. I really enjoyed the conversation. And take care of your family and we'll talk to you soon.

Brian Fleming:

Hey, thanks a lot Tim.

Tim Newman:

Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidencepodcastcom to join our growing community and register for the Formula for Public Speaking course. Always remember your voice is the power to change the world. Take care, We'll see you next time.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Tim Newman

Host