Transforming Self-Talk and Breaking the Victim Mindset with Clay Moffat

Welcome back to “Speaking with Confidence.” I’m Tim Newman, your host and recovering college professor turned communication coach. In this episode, I dive into how radical responsibility shapes not only the way we communicate but the core of how we relate to ourselves and others. We look beyond typical “confidence” and get to the heart of conviction—the mindset shift that changes how we show up in our lives.

Joining me is Clay Moffat, a Navy veteran and performance strategist with a truly remarkable journey. Clay has been on top, coaching billionaires and building a seven-figure business—only to lose it all in a high-stakes startup crash. He faced the frightening possibility of permanent blindness while rebuilding his life, and from those experiences, Clay created the concept of the "trust trap"—the focus of his new book. Clay’s work helps people break free from the nervous system patterns and mental habits that keep us stuck in self-doubt, blame, and unproductive cycles, teaching not just confidence, but conviction rooted in personal power.

Our conversation starts with the central idea: what does it mean to take “radical responsibility” for our lives? Clay explains that it’s not about blaming yourself, but about owning even that “1%” of any situation that you can control or influence. As Clay puts it, reclaiming any sort of personal power, freedom, and forward motion in life begins with this kind of self-honesty. We talk about why the question “Why is this happening to me?” traps us in victimhood, and how reframing it to “How did I create this?” can shift us from powerlessness to agency. Through everyday stories—from missed vacations to major financial decisions—Clay shares how this mindset applies whether the stakes are small or life-changing.

Here’s what we covered in this episode:

• What is radical responsibility and how does it differ from blame or self-criticism?
• The difference between “confidence” and “conviction,” and why conviction matters for real communication and presence.
• How to spot when you’re stuck in victim thinking, and the questions to ask yourself to regain personal power.
• Practical strategies for transforming negative self-talk, including a four-step process to create a more supportive inner dialogue.
• The hidden ways family patterns and early conditioning shape our self-image and choices—often beneath conscious awareness.
• Why we ignore red flags and how our brains’ desire for shortcuts can create unhelpful mental “brackets” about people and situations.
• Real-life stories from Clay about high-stakes decision making, resilience, and bouncing back from major setbacks.
• How to own your story, communicate more authentically, and set a new standard for leadership, parenting, and self-trust.
• The power of mindset—the small language shifts that can open new pathways for growth, resilience, and effective action.
• Insights from “Trust Trap” on reclaiming authority over your life—even when circumstances and the world try to pull your power away.

Listen in to learn how taking radical responsibility can revolutionize how you see yourself, how you show up in the world, and the trust you create with others and yourself.

Don’t forget, you can connect with Clay Moffat on X (formerly Twitter) @MoffatClay o

Chapters

• 0:10 Introducing Clay Moffitt, Navy Veteran Coach
• 1:29 Radical Responsibility in Personal Development
• 11:53 Breaking Free from Negative Self-Talk
• 24:30 Understanding Blind Spots in Relationships
• 35:14 Emotional Patterns and Skills Development
• 47:54 Writing Trust Trap: A 21-Day Journey
• 57:31 Learning to Trust Yourself Again

Transcript

Tim Newman: 0:10

Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that helps you build the top skills that lead to real results communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I'm Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I'm thrilled to guide you on your journey to become a powerful communicator. Today's guest is Clay Moffitt. Clay is a Navy veteran performance strategist who's coached billionaires, pro athletes, fighters, and founders. He's built a seven-figure business, lost it all in an app implosion, and came back swinging, riding the trust trap in 21 days while facing the permanent risk of blindness. His work now helps people reclaim their authority by mastering the nervous system patterns that sabotage clarity, presence, and influence. Clay doesn't teach confidence, he teaches conviction, empowered with pattern recognition and purpose. Clay, welcome to the show, bud.

Clay Moffat: 1:02

Thanks for having me, Tim. I appreciate that intro. It's very fancy.

Tim Newman: 1:05

Well, you know, you you you've got an incredible story, and I want to talk a little bit about the book Trust Trap in a few minutes, which uh it it's amazing, and people are going to get a lot of value out of it. But but before we get to that, you know, I want to start with the idea of radical responsibility. Um what what does that mean to you and how does that apply to personal and and professional development?

Clay Moffat: 1:29

So that's a simple thing. Radical responsibility is simply put, the idea that for every single situation, there is a part that you have to own if you want to get to the next stage or next evolution or next level of life, if you want to call it that. Whatever it is that you're doing, whether it's professional, personal, and relationship, it doesn't matter whether it's in uh your job, whether it's in your vocation, whether it's in a hobby, whether it's in a skill that you want to develop, where you want to learn another language, you're gonna have to own something. So if you've got a bad coach or a bad teacher or a bad boss or a bad something or another, that's fine. That will be limiting. However, are you showing up 100% the same as if you have a good boss? And the answer is you're likely not. And so we're clear, I'm not saying it's your fault. What I am saying is you need to own that part of you. Right. And I had to do a lot of owning to a lot of parts to me for a long time because I spent the good portion of the first almost 30 years of my life walking around in an unknown state of victimhood where I could find it so easily to blame everyone else for my misfortunes when really I was the douchebag that managed to put myself in that position time and time again. And I just didn't see it that way. I just always relegated back. So radical responsibility is the idea of even if it's just 1% that you've contributed to a situation, right? You have to own that to get any sort of personal power, personal freedom back.

Tim Newman: 3:02

Yeah, that that that's so important. And I I think that you know, the whole idea of of how how self-absorbed we uh we are as as as people, and is really it's human nature because it's we it's I mean, it's how we're built. Everything is about us. Um, you know, we talked a little bit about this, you know, before we started. Um we we make it about us. You know, we're we're we're self-absorbed in you know, this is what I'm doing, and you know, you do this over here, and I can't believe that you're not you're not supporting me doing what I'm doing. Doesn't really matter. And and what when you look at it from that pro professional perspective, like you just said, you've got a bad boss. Um maybe he's not even a bad boss. Maybe you're just showing up, maybe you're a bad employee, maybe you're not doing the things that you need to do, and they're calling you out on on your on your stuff.

Clay Moffat: 3:52

Absolutely. So there's a question that a lot of people tend to ask at some point in time, especially if there's someone that is unknowingly in what I call the state of victimhood. And they'll ask the question, why is this happening to me? Or why is this continued to happen to me, or why does this keep repeating in my life? And the problem is, and anyone that's listening right now, and even yourself, Tim, if you ever ask that question, go back and count the times that it gave you an answer that did not reinforce and suddenly show up all the reasons why your life sucked. Yeah, and it's zero because it'll always show you that. Right. So a lot of people will talk and coaching and uh guiding people and mentoring people is about asking good questions. And so instead of having this question of why is this happening to me, the question to reverse the power frame for yourself is how did I create this or how am I creating this? So you can start putting it back in because that then shifts you from okay, like this is completely external, I have no part in this, I'm the victim here, to okay, no matter how much there is externally involved, like you can't forecast the weather. I mean, the meteorology department doesn't even get it right that often, so you're probably not gonna. So you can't go, okay, we're gonna go to this excursion. We're gonna I'll give you an example completely off topic, but right on the topic. Uh, my wife had to go away to Dubai for a conference for her work. And uh, I was gonna take my son away to the jungle because he wanted to go see bears. He's wanted to go see bears for a long time. We have the Malaysian sun bear and the Asiatic black bear over here, and you know, like blue from the jungle book, right? They, you know, they'll they'll maul you if you get in between them, but they're not aggressive, they're not carnivorous, they they won't go after adults and uh cute kids and humans. So you're relatively safe anyway, but he wanted to go see them. So I waited to the last minute, wait till the last one. I'm like, okay, let's book the tickets because nothing can go wrong now, we're good to go. So I booked the tickets that morning, that evening, he gets a fever, goes all the way up over. I'm like, okay, we're not getting on the plane tomorrow, that's cancelled. And I didn't say, Oh, look at me, oh, why is this happening to me? I've just wasted, I can promise you, I was frustrated because I'm like, I thought I'd done everything, it's the last minute, we're good to go. And because I left at such last minute, I paid a premium for the flights. Then I had to basically throw the flights away because I'd get travel insurance because I left at the last minute. So it was all on my shoulders. I thought I was doing the right thing, and ended up coming full circle and coming back in my face. I'm like, no, you didn't do the right thing. Next time book it earlier and just get travel insurance, and maybe you'll get the money back or change the flights or something like that. So it's really about just having that level of acceptance within yourself because we are wired to make everything about us. That's a default frame that a lot of us, not everyone, but a lot of us have it. There are some people that are people pleasing who have come from traumatic past or maybe not even traumatic, just the way that they were brought up, where they are now trying to put other people first and they subdue themselves. But even then, they're still putting themselves first because they're satisfying this other person so that they still get the feelings. It doesn't matter how you frame it, it's always going to come back to like what you need and what you want, or even to the point what you have been conditioned to tell yourself that you want.

Tim Newman: 7:26

Yeah. And so so when when you look when you look at it like like that from that from that perspective, and I I think about from my coaching perspective, to get people to understand this, because if you hit them straight in the face with it, um, the first thing that they're gonna tell you is you're you're nuts. I mean, you you you don't you don't know me, you don't know my life, you don't know what I've been through. And when the reality is, okay, you're right. I don't know you, I don't know your life, don't know what you've been through. We because we all have our own stuff, we all but go through something different, but we have to we have to to to break it down and look at it from may maybe from a different perspective. So how do you go about coaching that? Because I I think for me, I I would start with something simple. Like you like like a like a and I'm not minimizing this, like the example that you just gave, you know, of a a flight. Okay, so it's a it's a big deal, cost you money, costs you time, your your son's sick, and those those types of things. But in the in the grand scheme of things, that's a that that's not that big of a deal. When you're talking about a job, when you're talking about relationships, when you're talking about something bigger, you know, that that's a much bigger hurdle to overcome.

Clay Moffat: 8:35

Yes and no. So yes, this is a much bigger hurdle for to overcome because a lot of people psychologically put more weight to it, but no, it's still the same principle. Right. Right? So uh I had to, I didn't have to, I felt compelled to sell my house at a $200,000 loss because I hated having a mortgage. So I put down a significant deposit and started paying this mortgage, and purely for the fact that I hated owing someone money for something that I didn't own, that they could take away from me at any time. I was like, why did I sign for this? Like, I didn't care if it's the dream for everyone, I'm out. And I made a vow for myself that if I was ever going to buy a house again, I had to buy cash because I just don't want to owe anyone money, I just couldn't do it. So that was a very significant decision to make because I then had to go, okay, I've just put all this money in and I paid all this money on interest, and now I'm selling at a significant loss. However, the the peace that it was giving me was far superior to continuing to pay that mortgage, and it's it's basically the same principle because I had to own the fact that I was the one that entered into the mortgage agreement. No one forced me, no one compelled me, right? No one made me do it. And that's probably the basic arc that people need to understand. Yeah. Unless you're under the age of 18, you are not really being compelled or forced to do anything. You and even then, I'd argue that a lot of teenagers aren't really forced or compelled to do much. They might be emotionally manipulated by their parents in some households. I'm not going to argue, they might suffer physical abuse. I'm not suggesting the extreme cases, I'm talking the more general cases and uh what would be considered a typical household. And for the most part, they can push boundaries and they can push back and they can do these kind of things. But they're still not being forced. Right. Because what we all fail to recognize from time to time is that there's kind of these group societal norms, and there's a family norm, and then there's a group societal norm, and then there's these other norms, and we strive to fit into those norms so we're not rejected or ostracized or kicked out or curbed. And so you are always making a choice that's in your best interest. It's just we forget the choice that we're making because we're like, oh, but like I don't want to do this. Okay, so don't do it. And what's the alternative? The alternative is get kicked out of the try because you're not pulling your weight or you're not pitching in, or you're not doing whatever it is, right? And so therefore, okay, do I want that? No, okay, so that means I'm doing this because ultimately I want the end result that it gets, so I want this thing.

Tim Newman: 11:17

Yeah. Yeah, it's you you make really good points. And I want to go back to to how you initially started that. You said you you had to, and then you you stopped yourself and you and you changed the word and you changed the terminology almost like it was a quick mindset change. You said you you had to, and then you said, wait, no, I I made I made the decision to sell the house at all.

Clay Moffat: 11:40

I was compelled to.

Tim Newman: 11:41

Compelled to, yeah. And um that I think is that that to me is mindset, and and it that's so important to understand because the words that we use and the terminology that we use that that that kind of sets the tone, right? Um and and not just for for the people that are listening or hearing, but but for ourselves in in taking that uh radical responsibility that that that that we're talking about.

Clay Moffat: 12:10

Well, you're never gonna speak to anyone else more than you speak to yourself for your entire life.

Tim Newman: 12:14

Right.

Clay Moffat: 12:15

So the the the words that happen up here, upstairs, are the most important words that there are. And uh one of my mentors, Chase Hughes, said to me uh this one time if you allowed someone to speak to you the way that you speak to yourself, or sorry, not if you're allowed, if someone spoke to you the way you spoke to yourself, you'd drop them to the fucking floor. Yeah, and I said, Yeah, there's a high chance. I mean, depending on who they were, like if it's Shaquille O'Neal, I'd probably, yeah, okay, whatever, but you know, I'm not gonna fight you. Um, but I would most likely be like, What's your problem? Like, why are you talking to me? Like, what's your deal? And then we will give ourselves a pass, like it's perfectly fine to obliterate ourselves and demean ourselves and destroy ourselves and degrade ourselves, and it's perfectly fine, and it's not fine. But it's also kind of been accustomed and accepted that this is just how it is, and we have no way to change it. And more importantly, for a lot of people, they don't want to put in the effort to change it. So it took a long time for me to change my self-talk, and I had a very, very insatiable critic that wanted to criticize me on everything at every point and just was relentless. And I went through a process, it's like a quick four-stage process that I did with every single thought that became into my conscious awareness, every single one. So the first day I did it, it was about 60 or 70 times, and it was about that period for about a month. So 60 or 70 times a day, I go through this process. So, for example, all right, let's say the thought was, You're a dumbass, why'd you do that? I would first say to myself, you know what? Thanks, Clay, I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. Because when someone is criticizing you, and here's the caveat, and they absolutely love you, the criticism is not done to bring you down. The criticism is because they don't know how to communicate you or get your attention. When they're criticizing you, they're doing it because they're worried about you, they're fearful about you, that they're doing it from a place of love. And you see this with parents who constantly critique their child children. It's not good enough. You need to do better. You raise your standards. Come on, what are you thinking? They're not doing that to make the child feel like crap, they're doing it because they want the child to be safe, to be secure, so that everything they put out is of a high standard, so when they get out into the world, they've got high standards, they can look after themselves for self-reliance. And if you are of the mind right now that you believe that your subconscious is your enemy, then you don't understand your subconscious and its role in keeping you alive. Because it is designed to keep you safe. And so it may have learned or been conditioned or watched or observed through time and be trained to get your attention in what would be seen in a negative way. And if that's the case, then it is 100% your job and responsibility, radical responsibility again, to change it. You've got to own it. And this is why I talk about when we jump back earlier. You may have been conditioned. So, for example, my dad has very horrible self-talk, still to this day. And I know for a fact that's where I picked up a lot of it from. Because I've watched him, he'd screw something up and he'd just obliterate himself. And I know he got that from my grandparents who treated him like crap. So it's not his fault, just like it's not my fault that I had it, it's also my responsibility to change it. Change it, right? So basically, you acknowledge it. So if someone's annoying you and nagging you and like trying to get your attention, you say, you know what? Thanks, Tim. I got it. Let's pretend you're like being trying to get my attention and nagging me because you wanted to tell me something super important. But you're getting doing it in a way that was just not demeaning, but didn't really connect with how I wanted to be spoken to. I'd say, you know what, Tim? I hear you loud and clear. Thank you, I've got it. What would be the next response from your mouth?

Tim Newman: 16:18

What are you going to do differently?

Clay Moffat: 16:20

Right. Exactly. It's a completely different frame. Like, okay, cool. All right. So what do you now it's like more inquisitive.

Tim Newman: 16:26

Or how or how can I help you? How can I help you better what do you need to do better? I mean, it could that that's where again that's where you start asking different different questions as opposed to making statements.

Clay Moffat: 16:37

Exactly. So you just started going down the path and you do the exact same path with yourself. So first you thank yourself because it's coming from your subconscious mind or your non-conscious mind or your other than conscious mind or unconscious, whatever you want to call it, I don't care. So you know this this part of you is wanting to talk to you. So you thank that part of you for wanting to get your attention, for acknowledging something's up for acknowledging that you can be better and do better. Perfect. Okay. So then you say, okay, so what's the intention behind that comment? Like, what are you really trying to achieve? And a lot of the times it will come across, like, I know we can do better. I know we can do better than this. Okay, perfect. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yes, I agree we can do better. Now, how could you say that to me in a way that's useful? Oh. And you wait and you sit there, you shut up, and let your brain come up with a solution. And it will say, you know what? Next time it could say, Clay, stop a moment. Let's just think about how we can really commit to what we're doing and get the result we want. All right, perfect. So do you agree to start doing that from now on? Yes. Do you have any resistance to talking to me in this way? No. Okay, perfect. So let's agree to do that. Thanks, buddy. I love you. And off you go. And so you're retraining the brain because you're going to get a visceral emotional response to that, because it's going to feel different. Because your self-talk is now shifting from a critic into a coach and you're training it.

Tim Newman: 18:09

Yeah, and and what that does, and I'm I'm just kind of thinking that through from physiological response in in that our body has in in in that as well. Right. So when when you um let let's just say when you when you have that that negative self-talk, or you call yourself an ass, or you say, damn it, you you're you're an idiot. Why why'd you do that? Your body goes through the same response as if somebody outside of you were saying that to you. Right. Now we've so so and there is that physiological response that um so by changing that uh that's gonna change by by changing that self-talk or by by by changing how we approach it, it's gonna change a physiological response to um to make us make us feel in a in a different way as well, correct?

Clay Moffat: 19:01

Absolutely. Absolutely. Because you'll start connecting with the emotion that's coming from underneath. So everyone wants to be judged on their intention, but judges others on their behavior.

Tim Newman: 19:16

Yes.

Clay Moffat: 19:17

However, this interaction you have internally, we judge ourselves on behavior as opposed to judging on the intention. And so what you're doing by going through this process is you're getting to the root of what's going on. What's the intention that you're trying to communicate to me? Okay, let's focus on that. Let's focus on how we can change then. If that's your intention, what could you say that's more aligned with the result that you actually want to get? So you're basically teaching yourself how to do self-talk in a way that's useful for you.

Tim Newman: 19:55

How about that? Let that sit in that for for just a second, because you know, w when we do that, when we look at it from uh from that perspective with ourselves and we and we start to communicate with with others with that same type of intention, what's gonna be the the end result? Number one, I think you're gonna have um you're gonna you're gonna have you're gonna have better conversations, you're gonna have better connections, and you're gonna have better results with whoever it is that that you're interacting with.

Clay Moffat: 20:27

Well, you're gonna get twofold. If you start making it the habit that your response is when someone gives you criticism, whatever it is, even if it's sent uh said in a demeaning way, you say, you know what? Thanks, man. I appreciate that. That means you're giving me something to think about. As soon as they do that, the the the nagging stops straight away because they feel like they've been heard, and it's the same cycle when you do it to yourself. Your brain's like, oh, Clay's listening, Tim's listening, oh, we're finally paying attention to what's going on. Awesome. And so then that loop that used to keep playing for hours on end shuts up because, like, yes, they've got it, and that's the same thing that happens externally. Like, oh, okay, yep, thanks. I appreciate that. Thanks very much. And I used to teach this to uh kids at school when they're getting bullied because the bullies are usually going through something and they just can't deal with something. And so a bully would say something to one of the kids that uh usually I'd be working with parents, and then they'd say, Oh, my kid's going through something like, Oh, just tell them say this, tell them say thanks. Yeah, I've had a really good day too. I appreciate you pointing that out. Thanks very much. And the bully's like, uh, what? And then the kids just keep walking, and they didn't know how to respond to it. And eventually the bully just gave up because there was no response whatsoever. And then they come to like, hey man, what's your deal? Like, I'm I'm giving you a hard time. Why are you doing this? Like, well, because you're pointing out something that you don't like, and maybe I could work on it, so I appreciate it. And they just walk off. And these guys have got no idea how to respond to that.

Tim Newman: 22:05

Yeah, that that that that's such a I'm gonna say strategy, but that that may not even be the right word, but it's it's it's such a good way of being, right, with whoever, because like you said, the the bully has no idea how to deal with it. And so the the bully used to be.

Clay Moffat: 22:25

I don't either, Tim. You're you're right. Um because they're not used to someone just going, you know what, thanks. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Because they're used to someone diving into the behavior itself versus the intention of the behavior, right? And so if you can go, you know what, I think this person because let's face it, it's very rare for you to wake up and have someone go, you know what, today I'm gonna get Tim. He is screwed. I'm gonna make sure. No one no one does that unless you've been like a spy and you've been screwing people over your entire life, then yeah, there's a very real chance that someone is out to get you. But for the most part, no, like people, as we spoke about before, are so involved in their own head and what's going on, they're just trying to stay in their lane and make it through the end of the day without wiping someone else out.

Tim Newman: 23:14

Exactly.

Clay Moffat: 23:15

Or we get caught up on this like drama that, oh, everyone's out to get me, everyone's gonna go through this path and they're gonna really ruin me. No, no, not even close. And close.

Tim Newman: 23:26

And it I again, I'm not trying to make light of it, but it's kind of funny how we got to that point. But we I mean, this isn't anything new. This isn't something that just creeped up in you know the last 10 or 15 years. People have had these these kinds of thoughts, you know, for forever, right? A long time. You know, it's and it it just becomes um it just becomes inherent in in being human. But it's funny how we how we got to that point that we're so worried about what other people are doing, even though everybody's only thinking about themselves. And we we act on and we behave on something that isn't isn't real.

Clay Moffat: 24:06

So it is real from evolutionary psychology point of view. It is very important to us what other people think of because if they think negatively of us, we're excommunicado, we're out of the tribe, and now we're gonna die. And that's built in from a lot of time in tribes as hunter-gatherers. We spent a lot more time as hunter-gatherers than we did since the agricultural age, which is only like the last 10,000 years. We've got, what is it, 150,000, 200,000 years before that, of priming and conditioning and these patterns and these scripts that keep running and keep cycling. So it's it's still in there. And then if you look at how fast technology has evolved over the last 10,000 years, let alone the last 100, it's just been insane the amount of breakthroughs and changes that have happened. And our brain doesn't keep up, it doesn't evolve. Like biologically, physiologically, we don't evolve that fast.

Tim Newman: 25:06

Well, well, let me let me let me follow up with that here for just a second. You know, we're just you know, talking about your kids and my grandkids, you know, and and me, and you know, I'm I'm like I said, I'm a recovering college professor. And what I found is that the younger generations are so much smarter today than they were when I was growing up. I mean, but my my my students, my students at 18 were so much smarter than I was when I was 18. Not not I'm not saying that I was smart, I was an idiot, but but but intellectually they were smarter. They knew more things, right? Yeah, my my five-year-old granddaughter is so much smarter at five than my daughter, who's 34 now, was at five.

Clay Moffat: 25:53

Right.

Tim Newman: 25:53

And so you so you talk about the evolution of the brain, right? So so that part's evolving, but the that inner monologue is not so that's that's a different part, right? Because well, even my five-year-old granddaughter will will say things about well, so-and-so doesn't like me because of this. And I said, Well, did they say that? And she said, No. So-and-so is doing these things, and and I gotta make sure that I wear the these clothes. And she's at five, Clay.

Clay Moffat: 26:24

So there's a couple of things that, and that's why it happens. So you're talking about the education system, and the education system has money pumped into it. I don't know about the American, but I know the Australian does, and most other countries around the world do, right? They have money pumped in to educate to grow teaching as a degree is evolving and has evolved over the last 50 years, so the teachers are changing, the technology and the methodology that they use has changed. What is messing with people in terms of this self and understanding of the self is that little boys will mirror their dads and little girls will mirror their mums. And whatever weaknesses is not the right word, but flaws is as close as I could get. Okay. So whatever flaws the mother has, the daughter will likely pick up on, even if the mother has never said anything. And this was uh done at an experiment with uh there's a soap company called Dove. Yeah. And there's a video on YouTube which you can watch called Mothers and Daughters, and it's phenomenal. They I'll give I'll I will ruin it for you, but it'll say you haven't to go watch it. But if you want to watch it, go watch it. And basically, they have these mothers and daughters come in and the mothers write down a list of everything they dislike about their bodies, and lo and behold, these daughters who range from the age of like four to twelve have the exact same things that they don't like about their bodies as their mothers, identical in every single time. And then the mothers are like, but I've never said this in front of her, I've never I d but they don't need to say it because kids are so much like a sponge, they can pick up on things and they can pick up on how people carry themselves and how they interact with others and the social standing and how they connect with others, and so we are shaping these kids based off all of us, and the leakage comes through. So you might put on this brave front, not saying you specifically, Tim, so we're clear. Right. You in the general sense, all our listeners, everyone, might put on this brave front when you are facing the camera. But when you step out of the camera, your standards drop, you relax, you don't really care, you don't shave, you don't do this, whatever. And so there's two different standards. And kids will pick up on that leakage and they'll adopt it. Because from everything I've read and from everything that I've studied, and from my training in the military, I've seen it time and time again that when the pressure's on, you don't rise to this occasion, you drop to the level of your conditioning, the level of your training, whatever you want to call it, the level of your systems. And it's what we do as a natural byproduct of who we are. So if you have these two different identities, one on camera, one off camera, then you can put on the show for a bit of time, but after time, it is gonna leak. And what's really there and what's really underneath is gonna come out. And that's why you can have people in the honeymoon period for the first three months, like this person's amazing, they're fantastic, there's nothing wrong with them. Then after three months, you're like, hang on a sec, what's going on here?

Tim Newman: 29:38

Yeah.

unknown: 29:40

Yeah.

Tim Newman: 29:40

And uh so I I don't know how you've been married, I've been married almost 30 years, and um we still find things that that that that are coming out that uh that either either we we've blocked out, and and you you talk a little bit about this in in your book, which we'll get to again, we're we're gonna get to it for our listeners. Um You talked about that that in your book. We block it out, not that it wasn't wasn't always there. We've just decided that it wasn't there. We blocked it out. We've we've put that blinder on until wow it's it's really kind of smacks us in the face and how we deal with that. But we'll we'll we'll talk to that in a second. But but it just that just made me made me chuckle and and how that actually relates to to some of those other things. But but you you're you're absolutely you're absolutely right. Um I I I think the the the idea of they they see us and and they're they're as as kids they see us and and they're more pers perceptive than we think, know, or want them to be. Um for good or for bad, it just is. And uh they go in and and start to develop some of those same same traits or characteristics of let's just say the negative self-talk like like you mentioned um you have with your dad. Um I have with with so some I have with my father. Um I have with you know it it's that's just I wouldn't say it's normal, but it it's it's what is what what would was kind of evolve evolved to to be what it is. You're right, it's normal.

Clay Moffat: 31:14

Normal. It's perfectly normal. And I'm gonna screw up my kid. No disrespect to your daughter. She's gonna make mistakes with her kids. Like everyone's gonna pass on things that we wish that we wouldn't and wish that we couldn't. Yeah. But the truth of it is, unless you're perfect, which no one is. No one is, and even if you were, you're still not gonna be able to predict the exact way that your child's gonna respond to everything. You're right. And so you've got no clue of like you the bet you can just do the best thing that you can. One of the biggest lessons I ever learned was that as I'm growing up, I'm watching my parents growing up.

Tim Newman: 31:51

Yes.

Clay Moffat: 31:53

And as soon as I became a parent, I'm like, yeah, my parents don't have it figured out, they've got it more figured out than me, but they're making it up as they go along, just like I'm making it up as I go along. Exactly. And I'm not gonna get it right. So probably the the the biggest difference is I've actually sat down with both of my kids and had that conversation with them and said, Look, I've been a dad as long as you've been uh it's a son or a daughter. Or a daughter, right? And uh I'm still I'm figuring out as much as being a dad as you are figuring out as being a son as we go along, and I am going to make mistakes and I'm going to screw things up. And I apologize for that now, but I'm gonna be doing the best that I can with what I've got. And that's not to make an excuse to say how I'm gonna make your life hell just for the fun of it. It's to tell you like the reality of it. Like I am still growing up right now, and I'm gonna make mistakes, and people are gonna make mistakes, and it's perfectly fine.

Tim Newman: 32:47

And it's it's it's good for them to actually see that, to so to to see somebody that they love and care about that's um an authority figure owning who they are and and owning mistakes, own owning the good and the bad, and making those adjustments, right? You know, if if if they see if they see you, let's just say, for example, some of the things that that that that I did as a parent, I and I still do as a parent, um overreact to things. You know, o over punish. Or I I don't overpunish my my adult kids anymore because I mean, what am I gonna do? You know. Uh but but you know, what when when they're kids over punish or or overreact. And you know, I would go back and tell them, look, you know, uh the a lot of times when I overreact like that is because you've scared me. Right. You've you you've I I I'm I'm I'm scared you you're gonna get hurt or um you're gonna put yourself in a position that I can't help you. Um th those types of things. And when they see that you know, as as kids, they see you a little bit differently. But even as let's just say um a coworker, a friend, a boss, what whatever, they they see that okay, wow, it's okay to take actually you know uh take ownership of what you've done and correct it. Absolutely.

Clay Moffat: 34:06

It's a valuable lesson.

Tim Newman: 34:10

So what what are some uh uh some blind spots in that that that kind of hinder us it as as we as we build effective relationships? Because again, you know, we we we just touched on it a little bit, you know, things there are things that that our partners have, that our friends have, that our significant others, our uh employers have, that we just kind of think aren't there, but that but they're there. We we we just choose not to see them. What what are some of those things and and and how do they actually um hinder the the the growth of relationships?

Clay Moffat: 34:46

The blind sports that other people have or the blind sports that we have.

Tim Newman: 34:50

Um well both really, because obviously we don't want anybody to know that we're not perfect, right?

Clay Moffat: 34:56

That's fair. That's the biggest con that's gone around, right? We don't want anyone to think that we're not perfect, yet we know we're not perfect and everyone else isn't perfect, but we all pretend like we're perfect. It's insane. Um the biggest blind spots that people don't realize is going to be inevitable until you can start to see the frame in a different way, is to understand how the brain works. And the brain works by wanting to commit everything to automatic programs or habits as fast as they can. And so I was venturing down pathways when I was reading up about emotions, and this is when I was diving into uh Lisa Feldwin Barrett's stuff and more on Surf stuff, Moran Surf stuff, sorry, and uh a bunch of other research, and I started to connect with it, and I used to say a lot of the times that I was an angry person. So I'm saying that past tense, but back then I used to say I'm an angry person. And what I've started to recognize and reading through neuroscience and ledge research on things like that is that I I was not, however, I had exercised those circuits inside my brain very quickly that it was very easy for me to get into anger because I'd rehearsed it so much, so I became a default response to things. And that doesn't necessarily make me an angry person, that makes me someone that's well practiced and well-versed in the skill of anger. And so I started looking at things as emotions and emotions as being skills. So you could start to train yourself to have the skill of confidence, you can train yourself to have the skill of anxiety. And one of the things when I talk to people with anxiety is say, look, you've actually got one of the biggest superpowers that you just don't understand it and you haven't learned to train it properly. Because if you can create such a vivid imagination in your mind that you're giving a visceral response in such a negative way, then when you start creating those vivid outcomes about good things, you're going to be unstoppable because you're going to have this amazing, intense visualization process to connect you to these amazing goals and instill these positive things. So the biggest blind spot is these labels that we create for ourselves through this mechanism of shortcutting everything, where we put all this label and then we start creating this permanent feature about ourselves or about someone else. And so we create this that this is a confidence person, this is a goofy person, this is a stupid person, this is a smart person, this is a whatever. And then that itself starts to create this lens through which we view that person, and when the lens doesn't match up to what we're looking for, we start to make excuses for that person as to oh no, that doesn't that no that that so let's say we do the inverse. Let's say we frame someone as a stupid person and then they go and do something really smart, like oh, that was just luck. Yeah, they just had a lucky day. That was just luck. Exactly. Right? And the inverse of that, we frame someone as a smart person, they do something really stupid. We don't go, oh now they're stupid first. We go, no, they're a smart person, they just had a bad day, they just had an off day. Right. And so it goes both ways, right? And it really depends on the frame and what we've got locked inside our head as to how that would manifest as a problem or an issue, or if it does at all.

Tim Newman: 38:16

Yeah, and it's it's it's funny how quickly we make those decisions, too.

Clay Moffat: 38:25

I mean, it it those decisions are made pretty quick, though. Having said that, for some people it's much faster than others. So for some people, they get this instant connection where they create this process for someone, and then once it's locked in, it takes a lot of evidence in the contrary to snap that reality. Right. Some people it takes a bit of time, and there are some people who will take continuous reinforcement for you to hold that position. So, how do you know that someone's good at something? Oh, they they keep showing up in this way, and I see their quality of work maintains this standard. Oh, like forever? Yeah. Because when they're not hitting that standard anymore, then I know they're no longer good at it.

Tim Newman: 39:11

Right.

Clay Moffat: 39:12

So it really depends on how the person interprets information inside their brain, and there's multiple ways that they do.

Tim Newman: 39:20

You know, and I I I guess I'm I'm looking at it from a perspective of let's let's just say careers. Yep. You know, a lawyer, you know, we're looking at a lawyer. Well, we know they're a good lawyer, uh, a personal injury lawyer if if they're continuously getting multimillion dollar uh judgments. We know they're a good lawyer if they if they're convicted of the government. Do you though?

Clay Moffat: 39:44

What if they're doing dodgy things around the back end?

Tim Newman: 39:47

I'm not you know no. I I'm just saying on the surface of things, right?

Clay Moffat: 39:51

Gotcha. All right, yeah, fair enough. Yep, absolutely.

Tim Newman: 39:53

So what when we when we see a commercial or or or a doctor, oh this this guy's been a doctor for you know 30 years, he's done the this number of joint replacements. Oh, he must be good. Yep. Absolutely. Right. So we so we're so we're we're not even making judgments on somebody that we know. We're making judgments on things that we're seeing that they've done or seeing things that they've put out saying that they're good. And then when we go in and we meet with them or uh interview them or what have you, and I'm just saying doctors and lawyers here as an example, we've already got it in an impression of them in our heads and the first thing out of their out of their mouth when we say, Oh, yeah, they're this is the person. Yeah, we're right. He is really good. Whether I mean he he could be saying things that that aren't good, but I mean, we've already made up our minds that this is the person.

Clay Moffat: 40:46

Yeah, absolutely. That can happen if you get multiple sources telling you that someone's good, it can happen. If you see them doing something, not that they're doing something with you, but you see them do something with someone else, it can happen. Right. There's multiple ways to create those frames, and once those frames are created, it is usually pretty difficult for someone to break it. And they will filter all the information about that person through those lenses.

Tim Newman: 41:09

Yeah. And and then to I guess take uh let's take it another step forward when um when you when you're hiring somebody and you know somebody recommends them, right? So like if I'm hiring somebody and I I talk to my friend, I say, Do you know anybody who can fill this position for me? And they're gonna say, Yeah, yeah, yeah, this person is really good. Okay, so that that person without even meeting them, talking to them, or seeing the resume or any of their work product, we already have an impression of them.

Clay Moffat: 41:40

And you mean like uh if you were to hire a friend of yours to build an app, and then that app ended up imploding and costing you over half a million dollars, and you just look like a complete moron, you imploded your company that was doing seven figures, something like that.

Tim Newman: 41:55

Something like that, yeah.

Clay Moffat: 41:56

Yeah, guilty, guilty as charged, yeah. Um, happens, man, happens to everyone. You know, once you put someone in in a frame as an expert and you've seen them do things with other people, but you don't really get into the nitty-gritty of how they're running things and how they're doing things, or you do see it, but because you are so I'll use this word very particularly, desperate for the outcome that you want to achieve, that you just start ignoring the the red flags that start coming up, then you definitely dig yourself a grave very quickly. Yeah.

Tim Newman: 42:31

Yeah, and that and I I think that that that's a that's a common um common situation, and not not necessarily the the app thing, but but like you said, we we ignore the red flags, ignoring the red flags for whether whether it's being desperate or whether it's being blinded by emotion, um what what whatever that reason is, but we we know that they're there and ignoring them, that that that is that's something that happens all the time.

Clay Moffat: 43:00

So the reason it happens is because of this uh dissonance between the mental image we've got in our head of who they are and how they're currently showing up. And so what happens as a result of that is when we create this person as a safe person or as a trustworthy person or as a good person or whatever we are, we now frame all the information that we get in through that process. And then to admit to ourselves that it's different means admitting that we got it wrong. Right. And the thing of it is that we didn't get it wrong. Because when we put them into their bracket, at that point, that was true. The problem is there's a failure to update the bracket based on the current information because of the brain's need to automate and shortcut and turn things into an automatic pattern. So it does because you could imagine, just imagine for a minute that you could not put people into a trust bracket ever again, and you had to constantly assess every single person that you interact with every single day. Could you imagine the amount of cognitive load that you would have on your brain with every single person and every single interaction having to pay attention? And the way I talk about it to make sense of the point is like if you drive somewhere and you're driving there for the first time, the trip seems to take forever. Why? Because you're fully present, you're paying attention to every little piece of data to make sure you get the right way. Even with a GPS, a lot of people still do this. Yes. Now, the return trip feels like it's going like that. Why? Because you already know how to get there, you know how to get home, so you can just drive home and you're on autopilot for the most of the way. And that's typically what happens. So when we're first getting to know someone, it's like we're driving to this destination for the first time, we're paying attention to the whole lot. And once we've been there, okay, we've been to that destination, they've got a good house. We know this is a safe place, okay. We can just drive back home now, and we know that they're in that place and it's safe and we're good to go. And we can't just forget about it.

Tim Newman: 45:10

Right. Right. And and again, it it's fun, it's funny that that the brain works that way. So and this past weekend I was following somebody home to their house. And I I know where they live, but I told them I'd follow them. And there were a couple of times that he wasn't going the correct way. You know, and I and I I flashed my lights, I beeped my horn, and he just kept on going. And I said, Okay, I'll I'll just follow him. He's not he's not going the right way. He must be going somewhere else. Um, I don't know why he's doing this, and he did it twice. And it turned out he he just goes a different way.

Clay Moffat: 45:53

Yep. That's how that's how it is, man.

Tim Newman: 45:56

And but but my anxiety my anxiety level went went through the roof. Like, we're where you even if you let's just say you he's just going to want to stop at the grocery store, whatever on the way home, whatever. He didn't tell me about it, he forgot whatever. Um but my anxiety level unnecessarily went went up for no reason.

Clay Moffat: 46:16

It didn't go up for no reason. It went up because your predictive errors were going through the roof because you were predicting to go a certain way, and your prediction mechanism was failing massively, and like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So your expectations were getting shot. Like you're like you're on D-Day stalling the beach, like you're just getting reefed with bullets and like you're never gonna survive.

Tim Newman: 46:39

But if I had just said d done what I said I was gonna do, I'm just gonna follow you. With no expectation.

Clay Moffat: 46:51

Or with the expectation that wherever he went, you were gonna follow.

Tim Newman: 46:54

Right.

Clay Moffat: 46:55

It would have been a different outcome.

Tim Newman: 46:56

Exactly.

Clay Moffat: 46:57

Exactly.

Tim Newman: 46:58

It's it's it's funny how how how the brain works, and you know, I I get guess this is where I really want to talk about get into talking about your your your book because number one, it's a it's it's amazing. Um I I need to say that right right from the get-go. But you know, a little more than six months ago, you know, you you you were driving and you you you had a problem with your eye, you had a problem with with vision in your one good eye. And then three months ago, almost to the day, you had you had surgery on the eye. But but in between that, that that's when you wrote the book, Trust Trap, and you wrote that in in 21 days, which to me is is is amazing. Can you talk about the process of of writing a book that that is is hard-hitting and hitting real life truth in that amount of time, going through going through what you were going through at that time. What what what was that process for you?

Clay Moffat: 47:54

The simple approach to that is it was a book that was born out of necessity more than anything else. So I had I've written books before, and so we're clear they're just trash, man. And I never published it because I'm like, ah, I'm not I'm not writing this. Like, I yeah, I wrote it, but I wrote a book just so I can say I'd written a book, and I'm like, this is just junk. Then three, four years ago, I started writing another book. I developed a program called the Yellow Brick Code, which took the world of neuroscience and psychology and turned it into this mechanism, this process that would teach you how to jack in the flow states and get as healthy and optimized and blah, blah, blah, all the uh biohacking, neurohacking, flow hacking, blah, blah, blah. Excellent, insert all the hackings. Um, time hacking, I suppose you could throw on there too, identity hacking. And throw it all in together and create this like program which created transformation. But there was so much information in that system and in that program that you could take it like six times and you'd still be struggling to implement all the stuff. It was a beast. And I tried to turn that into a book, and I hired a book writing coach, and it was just no good. I didn't like it. Because I'd write, okay, this is my chapter, and he'd go back and he'd edit and send it back to me. I'm like, this is junk, man. I don't like this. Like this, it doesn't mesh, it doesn't feel like me, it doesn't sound like me. It's like, yeah, but this is the good. I'm like, I don't care if it's good, it doesn't sound like me. So I'd already had an experience of A, writing something that was horrible, B writing something that I thought was good that I kept getting back with what sounded good but didn't sound like me. So I'd had those two experiences. Then when it came to my uh impending surgery, which could leave me blind in the right eye, because it's the same surgery that left me blind in my left eye 15 years ago. I realized that okay, there's a couple of things at play here. One, I've been on this journey now for over a decade, probably around about 15 years that I've been into self-development, about 12 years professionally now, three years just me going through this process, and that wasn't self-development, that was just me going down an egotistical victimhood idea of how I'm gonna learn to manipulate, influence, and control people, which was just hilarious considering where it's ended up. Um, but I've got this knowledge, and there's a very real chance it's gonna be extremely difficult for me to coach people if A, I can't see. I'm gonna need someone else to set up the calls, I'm gonna need someone else to take the calls, I'm gonna need someone else to manage basically everything, and the only thing I'm gonna be able to do is to rock up on calls and coach people, which is fine, but I could see like it was gonna be extremely taxing on a lot of people. So when the surgery date got set, there was a wave of relief because I'd found the surgeon, I knew what the issue was, I knew what we were gonna do, and there was a deep apprehension that had been building because I was very much aware that this could actually be the last time that I ever get to coach people. So I had the opportunity to write one book, and if I could write one book, what was a book that I thought could help the most people and be a self-contained unit that when I put it out there would help people and would give them a result that if you read the book, like if you read the cover, you read the back cover, it does what it says on the cover, it does what it says on the back cover, and like, okay, I know what I'm getting, this is going to get there. So it was one to a still be of use to the world in case I lost my sight. It was two, a way to condense 15 years of work so it wouldn't go to waste, and three, it was about having a legacy and still having a way to be able to uh contribute to the wealth of my family and my kids and doing things like that. So I had a very visceral drive to write something and create something that was exceptional because I knew if I didn't, it wasn't gonna sell, it wasn't gonna go out there, people weren't gonna buy it, it was a waste of time. So I had to write something that delivered a punch. And the way I I had a goal in mind that it was going to be written so that if someone had never met me in person, they would be able to read it and it would feel like a very, very intense coaching session with me. And the feedback I got from a lot of people that have read it that have been clients of mine, it's like I heard your voice in my head the whole time, and it's just like being coached by you. So I got that. So that was a huge amount of feedback. I was very, very happy to hear that.

Tim Newman: 52:47

We you know, you you and I talked a little bit about it. You know, I I started reading, and it's it it's it's gonna hit you in the face, and and you you you need to to when you read it, sit with it. Don't just read don't just read it like it like it's a regular book. You need to you need to read the book and let it sit with you and and and think on it and and and truly absorb you know what you're saying, because I I I like I told you, I I think you're you're really um spot on with with with what what you're saying and and how we um how we approach things. Some of the things that we we talked about today, but uh you know, I I it's a it's a it's a much more it's a it's a different way of approaching things and I I think a more realistic and beneficial way for us to approach things if we want to to move forward and and not not be worried about you know the the the idea of dishonesty or betrayal or or those types of things, you know, g going back to that extreme ownership whole idea, you know, what what's our role in it?

Clay Moffat: 53:55

And and what's what's um how how are we playing a role in our own lives and what what's what's our role in that and that's a huge part of it a part that I think a lot of people don't understand in marketing, they always talk about making it not the prospect's fault, right? That's a big thing to always push in online marketing. Now, the cool thing about this is that I didn't create some piece of crap jargon thing to explain why it's not your fault. Like this is literal mechanisms that happen inside your brain that is based from the perfect storm of evolution and neuroscience and language all coming together to create this mechanism inside our brain that basically plays us for fools. So it's not your fault. However, as I always say, it's your damn responsibility if you want to do something about it. You can't pass a butt to someone else, you have to take it on board yourself. And if you're not prepared to do that, if you're not prepared to take any kind of responsibility towards it, this book is not going to be for you. You're gonna hate it, you're going to like want to burn it, and that's fine. Like, I'm perfectly fine if you want to do that. But I'm telling you right now, if you're not prepared to look through it and go, you know what, let me go into this in a way to see like how I contributed to every part of this in my life, then you're gonna find a very, very painful journey for 253 pages.

Tim Newman: 55:32

Yeah, read the foreword. I I I think the forward really kind of tells you exactly what you're gonna get. And you know, I think there are a lot of books out there that when you when you read the front matter of them, it's it's a lot of fluff. It's a lot of this is great, this is you know, it's a wonderful book, blah blah blah. But the foreword on your book by by by Chase Hughes is probably one of the best I've ever read, and this is actually what you're going to get when you read the book. This is what's in it. If you sit with it, if you if you if you truly read it and digest it, this is what you're gonna get. It's awesome.

Clay Moffat: 56:18

Yeah, Chase is uh a mentor of mine and and a good friend, and I have a world of respect for that man. He's helped me in a lot of ways, and uh there's yeah, he's just he's just an all-around great guy. Um when I was writing the book, or even considering writing the book, he has helped me with the body language side of things so much that it's just instrumental to my understanding of body language, which covers in like the last quarter of the book we start going through language analysis and non-verbals and paying attention so you can start reading behavior and spotting this misalignment as it's happening. So that your brain has your conscious mind has the ammunition to back up and connect the red flags with actually being red flags, so you can't talk yourself out of them. It's not to make you paranoid, it's not to make you conceited, it's purely to give your conscious mind the ammunition it needs that it is currently lacking, so that you can't just go, oh, that's okay, that's not that person. No, that is that person because that's how they're showing up right now, and you are basing that's not them because that's how they've not been in the past. Now, pay attention to how the data is showing up right now because that's the whole point of it, just to give you the data and to give you the strategy so you can go, okay, I see what's happening, right? No worries, we're diverging or we're aligning, and you can start to track how the process of this relationship, basically how you want to be relating to this person now, is in effect either working for both of you going in the same direction, or you start to veer off in different directions.

Tim Newman: 58:06

Right. Yeah, right it was and and it could be different, you know. You know, but it could it could be friends in one situation and and and co-workers or employee employer in one, and two different situations, two different types of of interactions. And and knowing that and being able to separate that is is also so important.

Clay Moffat: 58:31

Absolutely. So what I got from a friend of mine who's a very successful online entrepreneur. She sent me a message and she she said, I'm so sorry it took me so long to read the book. I usually read books extremely fast. I read your book so slowly because you've read uh you've referenced uh Daniel Kennerman, you've referenced Moran Surf, you've referenced like a lot of people, and then people that she didn't know about because she hasn't gone into the psychology in the same way that I have. But her response in came back to me. She goes, You know what your book gave me? He said, Nope, but I definitely want to find out. She said, You gave me permission to trust myself again. Like, actually trust myself. I'm like, perfect. I said, because that's the idea. Because when you can get back and actually have full, unbridled self-trust, now you become powerful, now you become unstoppable because you can connect, you can make decisions, you can trust those decisions, you can know that's the best decision for you in the moment. You get rid of self doubt, you get rid of all the dramas, and you start to then fulfill the role and fulfill the best capabilities that you have. And that was one of the nicest things that people have said because the book is supposed to be a path for liberation for people, it's not a path to allow. You to go and find yourself in another relationship searching for love. Because for me, a lot of people say, Well, what about self-love? I'm like, Well, let's look at it from this way. If you can look in the mirror and say, you know what? I can trust myself completely, I would say then you're doing pretty well with regard to self-love. Because that is complete self-acceptance. If you can trust yourself completely, trust all the decisions that you're making, trust that you're moving forward in the right direction, you're well on the way to getting what you want in life.

Tim Newman: 1:00:34

Well, Clay, thank you so much for his where where can people uh connect with you?

Clay Moffat: 1:00:40

Uh the best place is simple uh X, um on X almost every day. It's at Moffat Clay M-O-F-F-A-T-C-L-A-Y. Or email me go at claymoffat.com.

Tim Newman: 1:00:55

Awesome. And I'll put those in in the show notes. And it when you say that, it it kind of made me laugh because I I I was uh listening to an another show that you were on and you were talking about and this part isn't the funny part where you where you were in um in Houston in jail and the and the guy came Mo Fat and Mo Fat and just made me laugh. The host said it was a key and peel type thing, A Aaron. That just made me obviously not laughing that you were in jail.

Clay Moffat: 1:01:29

Uh but I was laughing, man. It was hilarious. Uh that was that was that was like the creme de la creme of my victimhood status. Right? Like everyone else that created a situation. It wasn't the fact that uh I had a lot of demons, it wasn't the fact that I had gone and got drunk, it was the fact that all this other junk. To be fair, I was extremely grateful for the fact that that all got resolved. I was extremely grateful for the fact that uh all charges were dropped, and people just put it down to me being a drunk idiot in the wrong place at the wrong time. Um exceptionally grateful for that. But yeah, that was one of the funniest moments in my life because I'm standing there, I've made bail, and I'm sitting there, and I this guy's saying, Hey, MoFat, MoFat. And I'm like, What? And he said, if you don't answer me now, MoFat, you're spending that. And I'm like, Do you mean Moffat, Clayton? Don't be as smart, like it's literally like that campaign. Don't be as smart as with me. I'm like, all right, yep, that's me. And then out I go. So that's awesome.

Tim Newman: 1:02:37

That's awesome, yeah. Uh well, I I get at least there's there you can find some humor in some of the things, and and to to me that's that that's a that's a big deal. I if I'm not having fun, I think I'm doing it wrong.

Clay Moffat: 1:02:51

So anyway. There's a lot of humor in a lot of the dumb stuff that I've done. I just kind of laugh at myself. I'm like, what were you thinking? Exactly. So you know, and it's fine.

Tim Newman: 1:03:03

It's better. Been there done that and and you know, just all the t-shirts as well. Exactly. Well, Clay, thanks so much for spending some time with us. I I really do appreciate it. And uh take care and we'll talk to you soon.

Clay Moffat: 1:03:18

I appreciate it. Thanks for having me.

Tim Newman: 1:03:21

Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidence podcast.com to get your free ebook, the top twenty-one challenges for public speakers and how to overcome. You can also register for the forum for public speaking. Always remember your voice is a power changer. We'll talk to you next time.