How to Communicate with Difficult Coworkers | Tim Newman

Have you ever left a meeting feeling like you spent the whole time talking about yourself—or maybe stuck listening to someone else do it? On this episode of Speaking with Confidence, I’m diving into a challenge that creeps into nearly every workplace: dealing with the “me monster” and transforming conversations to actually build connection, trust, and meaningful collaboration.

I’m Tim Newman, your host, communication coach, and former college professor. This week, I’m tackling the tricky question: How do you handle difficult coworkers or even notice when you might be the “difficult one” yourself? In this episode, you won’t have to guess—I’ll show you simple ways to spot the habits that undermine teamwork and share a repeatable blueprint for having conversations that truly make a difference.

We start by recognizing an all-too-common office scenario: a team frantically working on a crashed server, while one coworker (let’s call her Sarah) dominates the conversation with off-topic stories about her weekend. While Sarah isn’t a villain—just another busy teammate slipping into autopilot—her “me monster” tendencies chip away at team cohesion and productivity. I’ll walk you through how science explains this instinct and why our brains so easily 

Here’s what you’ll walk away with:

• An honest look at what drives the “me monster” and how to recognize it in yourself and others
• Three red flags that signal you’re derailing conversations
• John Maxwell’s five-step Law of Connection—how to set your agenda aside, ask great questions, lean in, recall meaningful details, and follow-up
• Practical ways to apply a collaboration mindset, even with the toughest coworkers, and scripts you can start using today
• Awareness of how small communication changes can build trust, psychological safety, and unlock creative solutions on any team
• A micro-experiment for your next meeting to shift from “me-first” to shared success

Thanks for joining me on Speaking with Confidence. Remember, your voice has the power to change the dynamic of any team and every conversation. Keep practicing, keep connecting, and I’ll see you next time!

Chapters

• 0:08 Welcome & Today’s Focus
• 0:27 Spotting the Me Monster
• 1:30 Why Self-Talk Takes Over
• 3:20 Three Signs You’re the Problem
• 3:49 Maxwell’s Connection Blueprint
• 6:46 Handling Resistance with Collaboration
• 9:06 Assume-Ask Script in Action
• 10:28 Micro Experiments & Next Steps
• 10:28 Resources & Closing

Transcript

Tim Newman: 0:08

Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results. Communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I'm Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turned communication coach, and I'm thrilled to guide you on a journey to becoming a powerful communicator. How many of you have a difficult coworker you have to deal with on a regular basis? If you cannot identify a difficult coworker, that person may just be you. It's kind of like the slow player in a golf warsome. The slow player never thinks they're playing slow. And the difficult coworker doesn't realize they are the difficult one. Have you ever finished a conversation and realize you spent the whole time talking about yourself? That's your inner me monster, quietly wrecking your workplace relationships. And in this episode, I'll show you how to flip that script. We'll combine John Maxwell's Law of Connection with Ryan Leake's collaboration mindset so you can run one intentional conversation that actually changes how coworkers respond. You'll also see this play out through a mix of real-world role plays and quick teaching moments that make the shift easy to follow. So let's start by meeting one Mii Monster up close. The Mii Monster epidemic shows up in workplaces more often than we'd like to admit. Picture this a marketing team scrambling with a crashing server and urgent deadlines, but one teammate, let's call her Sarah, is rambling on about the hot tub at her Airbnb. While everyone else is trying to solve the crisis, she's lost in her own story. And that's the essence of a me monster, turning every conversation into me, me, me, even when the timing couldn't be worse. The impact of this behavior isn't just irritation. While Sarah goes on about her weekend, critical issues are ignored and details slip further out of reach. Teams like hers pay a real-time cost. Employees spend an average of 3.2 hours every week just untangling poorly communicated information, time that could have been spent on actual work. And on top of that, research shows that 63% of workers believe at least half of their co-workers are poor communicators. When one person regularly dominates conversations, they amplify those frustrations and spread more breakdowns across the team. Science helps explain why this happens. Researchers point out that self-related material is especially salient to our brains, which is why under stress or excitement we so easily default to personal stories. Sarah isn't intentionally sabotaging her team. Like many of us, she's just running on autopilot, unaware of how often she redirects the spotlight back to herself. But the fallout is real. Collaboration erodes, morale dips, and colleagues start to disengage. Over time, people stop volunteering ideas because they assume no one's truly listening. The first step to changing this dynamic is being able to see it in ourselves. So here are three quick signs you might be slipping into knee monster territory. Number one, you keep steering conversations back to your own experiences. Number two, you miss body language that signals let me jump in. And three, you realize you don't know much about your coworkers beyond service level details. Sarah checks all three, and it's holding her back. The promising part, you don't have to stay stuck there. There's a clear framework that helps retrain those habits, and it begins with shifting how you enter a conversation. What if you had a straightforward rhythm you could follow to make anyone feel genuinely heard? That's exactly what John Maxwell's Connection Blueprint offers. It's a five-step system that turns everyday conversations into real points of trust and understanding. Let's take Sarah again. She starts with step one. Set aside your agenda. At first she goes through the motions, she asks her teammate, how was your weekend? But her body language gives her away. Tapping fingers and darting eyes make it obvious she isn't really listening. The conversation stalls before it even begins. But when she applies the blueprint, she changes the approach. She notices a coworker sigh in frustration and instead asks, What part's giving you the most trouble? That simple curious follow-up unlocks something. Instead of the generic small talk, her teammate share was actually wrong and gives Sarah a chance to understand and respond. Research on connection and trust emphasizes that genuine follow-up questions send an implicit message, that your input actually matters. That message is what builds psychological safety in real time. The second step is to keep asking curious questions that dig just beneath the surface. You're not interrogating, you're showing that you care enough to learn what's actually going on. Step three is to lean into the moment. When Sarah sees two coworkers rubbing their eyes during a tense meeting, she suggests a coffee run. It isn't a grand gesture, but it diffuses the tension and signals I see you. Shared micro moments like this are what strengthen bonds across the team. Step four is about making small experiences memorable. Sarah starts recalling details later, asking about a colleague's child's recital days afterward. That small recall shows respect and cements that connection far more than any small talk could. And step five is to keep the connection alive. A quick follow-up or a short email or even remembering someone's name when it matters demonstrates consistency. These five steps quiet your agenda, ask deeper questions, lean in, create moments, and follow up form a repeatable rhythm backed by leadership research emphasizing trust, respect, and genuine care. Here's a practice you can try today. In your next meeting, give yourself a small rule. Ask one curious question for every two comments you make. That tiny adjustment keeps you focused on connection instead of performance. And while this blueprint transforms regular interactions, it raises the harder question. What happens when the person across from you is resistant or even difficult? That's where the next piece comes in. Collaboration requires an intentional decision. It doesn't just unfold on its own. Sarah faces her toughest challenge yet when she's paired with Mark, the office skeptic shoots down nearly every idea. Her instinct is to push back, sharpening defensive comebacks, but she catches herself. Instead of escalating, she remembers Ryan League's principle. Begin by assuming positive intent. She tries a different route and asks, what would make this project worth your time? That one question services Mark real concern. He's overloaded with impossible timelines, not uninterested in contributing. Once Sarah shifts her mindset from defending her ideas to exploring his perspective, the conversation changes. Together, they redesign the timeline around his workload while leaving space for her creative suggestions. And what originally looked like resistance turns out to be insight into recurring problems that need solving. The collaboration mindset reframes conflict not as a wall, but as an opening. And assuming positive intent lowers defensiveness and invites problem solving. Now still, it's important to note that this isn't a license to ignore harmful behavior. It works best as a practical default. Begin with generosity, then take outcomes and boundaries seriously. As Sarah and Mark continue, they practice small but critical habits, surfacing assumptions, inviting challenges, and clarifying interests without locking into rigid positions. Research across leadership and organizational studies consistently shows teams that operate this way turn friction into creative solutions more often. This is the environment Google's Project Aristotle highlighted, where psychological safety, trust, and open communication drive performance far more than individual star talent alone. Sarah now models this by saying things like, I'm assuming we need client approval first, am I off? Instead of dropping decorations, she leaves space for Mark to refine or redirect, which builds trust. The chain shows most clearly when they debate a vendor. Sarah suggests they first list must-haves instead of pushing her favorite. Mark prioritizes technical support. She values creative flexibility. And side by side, they identify a vendor neither had considered, but one that satisfies both priorities. And that's a result neither would have reached alone. To start building this mindset yourself, try the assume and ask script. Say, I'm assuming X. Am I missing something? What would make this worth your time? That simple phrasing keeps dialogue open and constructive, even when the stakes run high. And the truth is, one intentional shift like this can start changing everything about how your workday feels. Start with one intentional conversation today. Tomorrow, in your next meeting, try this micro experiment. For every two times you want to share your own story, pause and ask one follow-up question instead. Notice how that shifts the tone of the exchange. You control your side of the interaction. Curiosity and small habit changes influence how others respond over time and build credibility, even if colleagues don't change immediately. Remember, assume positive intent as a baseline, but also watch the impact and set boundaries if patterns become harmful. Remember, we're looking for progress, not perfection. That's all for today.com to get your free ebook, The Top 21 Challenges for Public Speakers, and How to Overcome Them. You can also register for the Formula for Public Speaking Force. Always remember, your voice is a power changer. We'll talk to you next time. Take care.