Why Fake Networking is Killing Your Career | Tim Newman Speaks

Do you ever feel like you're doing all the “right” things at networking events, but somehow you still walk away with a stack of business cards—yet none of those connections turn into genuine relationships or career opportunities? If so, this episode is for you.

I'm Tim Newman, host of Speaking with Confidence, and in today’s solo episode, I dig deep into the art (and science) of networking—and why most traditional approaches are holding you back. You’ll hear why so many professionals get stuck in a transactional mindset, treating networking as a numbers game rather than a process of real relationship-building. If you’ve ever wondered why your networking feels hollow (or downright fake), we uncover the gap between “collecting contacts” and creating meaningful professional relationships that truly advance your career.

We start with the classic post-event scenario: you’ve met loads of people, exchanged business cards, but later realize you can barely remember anyone and end up tossing those cards into that infamous desk drawer where connections go to die. I call this “fake networking,” and it’s not just ineffective—it’s potentially damaging to your professional reputation.

Here’s what we cover in this episode:

• Why collecting business cards isn’t the same as building real professional relationships
• The damaging effects of transactional, numbers-based networking mindsets
• The two most common forms of fake networking: “self-serving connections” and “ghost follow-ups”
• The long-term reputational risks of fake networking tactics
• How leadership and influence (not just connections) determine your career potential
• A two-part strategy to shift to authentic, value-driven networking
• How to discover and articulate your unique value before every interaction
• The importance of research and matching your value to others’ real needs
• Why reliable follow-through is the ultimate networking credibility builder
• How to become the kind of connection others seek out—so opportunities come to you

If you want to break out of the cycle of shallow networking and start making connections that truly count, this episode will give you both the insight and the practical steps you need. Remember, your next professional interaction is an opportunity to show up differently, lead with value, and nurture a network that lifts you higher.

Thanks for listening to Speaking with Confidence. Check out speakingwithconfidencepodcast.com for your free eBook, The Top 20 Challenges for Public Speakers and How to Overcome Them, and find details on our Formula for Public Speaking course. Your voice has the power to change it—see you next time!

Chapters

• 0:08 Welcome And Focus Of The Show
• 0:27 Connector, Climber, And A Third Path
• 0:48 The Business Card Trap And Fake Networking
• 1:20 Transactional Mindset Versus Trust
• 3:36 Two Patterns Of Fake Networking
• 6:50 Maxwell’s Law Of The Lid Applied
• 7:35 Becoming A Connector–Climber Hybrid
• 8:53 Closing And Resources

Transcript

Tim Newman: 0:08

Welcome back to Speaking with Confidence, a podcast that helps you build the soft skills that lead to real results. Communication, storytelling, public speaking, and showing up with confidence in every conversation that counts. I'm Tim Newman, a recovering college professor turn communication coach, and I'm thrilled to guide you on a journey to becoming a powerful communicator. I've talked and posted before about the power of networking and providing value to others. There are two types of people when you talk about networking. You're either a connector or a climber. There's truly nothing wrong with either, but what if there was a third option? The Connector Climber Hybrid is truly a place to build your network and influence. You know how it goes. You come back from a conference or networking event, you empty your pockets, and there are dozens of little cardboard rectangles with names you barely remember. You met all these people, you did the networking thing, but if you're honest, you didn't actually connect with anyone. So you put the cards together, you put a rubber band around them, and you put them in the drawer. You know that drawer. The one where business cards and connections go to die. That feeling, that gap between collecting contacts and building real relationships is what I call fake networking. And if you're relying on this approach, it's not just ineffective, it's actively damaging your career progression. Most professionals are stuck in a transactional mindset, treating networking like a numbers game instead of a relationship building process. The problem isn't that you're not meeting enough people. The problem is how you're approaching these connections. In the next few minutes, we're going to expose why this exchange mentality fails. Identify the two most common types of fake networking that destroy your credibility and give you a practical framework for building genuine professional relationships that actually advance your career. The fundamental mistake most people make is treating networking as a transaction rather than an investment. They walk into a room thinking, what can I get from these people? instead of what value can I bring to these conversations? And it's this subtle shift in mindset that creates an immediate barrier to building trust. When you approach someone with a transaction mindset, people sense it. They can tell when you're scanning the room for someone more important while they're talking to you. They notice when you're only asking questions that serve your own agenda. This what can you do for me thinking puts the other person on defense, making genuine connection impossible. The psychological impact is significant. Transactional approaches signal that you see people as a means to an end rather than as individuals worth knowing. And this damages your professional reputation over time, as people begin to categorize you as someone who only shows up when they need something. The real world consequences are clear limited opportunities, miscollaborations, and a reputation that follows you from company to company. What's fascinating is that the most successful networkers I've worked with approach conversations completely different. They lead with curiosity rather than agenda. They ask about challenges rather than opportunities. They focus on understanding rather than being understood. This isn't about just being nice. It's about building the foundation for relationships that yield professional dividends down the line. There are two specific patterns I see repeatedly that reveal when someone is engaged in fake networking. Recognizing these in your own behavior is the first step towards fixing them. The first step is what I call the self-serving connection. This is when someone connects with you purely for immediate personal gain. I'm sure you've experienced this. You're having what seems like a genuine conversation, and then suddenly they pivot to the real agenda. So I notice you know the hiring manager at Company X. Could you put in a good word for me? The entire interaction becomes transparently transactional, and say that three times fast. The damage here goes beyond just an awkward moment. When you treat someone as a stepping stone, you communicate that you value them for what they can do for you and not for who they are. This creates a reputation as a taker, someone who burns bridges after crossing them. And in professional circles, this reputation spreads quickly, and soon you'll find doors closing that otherwise would have been open. The second type is even more common, and this is the ghost follow-up. And this happens when you make a promise during a conversation but never deliver, such as I'll send you that article, I'll make that introduction, let's grab coffee next week, and then silence. You might think you're being polite by making these offers, but failing to follow through does more harm than good. When you ghost someone after promising follow-up, you're demonstrating unreliability. You're showing that your word doesn't mean much. And in a professional context where trust is currency, this is devastating. People will hesitate to recommend you, include you in projects, or share opportunities because they can't count on you to deliver. And the cumulative effect of these small betrayals of trust can stall a career for years. Both patterns tend from the same root cause, viewing networking as a series of transactions rather than relationship building. The self-serving connection is about taking value without giving, while the ghost follow-up is about promising value without delivering. And both reveal a fundamental misunderstanding of how professional relationships actually work. And this brings us to the core principle that separates effective networkers from everyone else. And to understand why fake networking fails and genuine connection succeeds, we need to look at leadership expert John Maxwell's work, specifically the law of the lid. Maxwell's Law of the Lid states that your leadership ability determines your effectiveness. In simpler terms, your ability to achieve results is capped by your ability to lead and influence others. Now apply that to networking. Your ability to build a powerful, supportive professional network is directly limited by your leadership capability. Think about it this way. Leadership at its essence is influence. It's the ability to move people, to gain their trust, to inspire action. And when you approach networking with a transactional what's in it for me mindset, your influence is zero. People see through it and they disengage. But when you approach it as a leader, when you focus on adding value, understanding needs, and building genuine rapport, your influence grows. You become someone people want to be connected to. The connection is undeniable. Takers have no real influence because their relationships are built on sand. They collapse under the slightest pressure. But givers, on the other hand, build trust. They create networks that are resilient and supportive. Your network isn't just a list of contacts. It's a ceiling for your career potential. If your network is shallow and transactional, your lid is low. If it's deep and built on mutual respect, your lid is high. You can only rise as far as your relationships will lift you. So how do you make this shift from connector or climber to the connector climber hybrid? It requires a deliberate two-part strategy that flips the traditional networking script when said. First, you need to know your value proposition. Before you walk into any room or send any connection request, get crystal clear on what you uniquely bring to the table. This isn't about your job title. It's about your specific skills, your knowledge base, your resources, or even your perspective. What problems can you help solve? What insights can you share? You can't offer value if you don't know what you have to offer. And second, this is the game changer. Adopt a research-driven approach. Instead of generic networking, do your homework. Before you meet someone, spend five minutes looking them up. What are they working on? What challenges have they mentioned on LinkedIn? And then match your value to their actual needs. For example, instead of saying, I'd love to connect, you can say, I saw your post about entering new markets, and I have some experience with regulatory hurdles in that space. I'd be happy to share what I learned. Now you're leading with a solution, not a request. You're approaching as a problem solver which immediately establishes you as a valuable connection rather than just another person looking for something. Fake networking might feel efficient in the moment, collecting cards, making quick ass, but it's a short-term strategy with long-term consequences. It burns through social capital instead of building it. Genuine connection, on the other hand, is an investment. It takes more effort up front, but it pays compounding interest throughout your career. The goal isn't to build a bigger network, it's to become the kind of person others want in their network. When you focus on providing value first, on following through reliably, and on building real relationships, you stop having to ask for opportunities. Instead, opportunities find you because people know you, they trust you, and they want to see you succeed. Your next professional interaction is a chance to start building this way. Go in with curiosity, lead with value, and focus on the relationship, not the transaction. That's all for today. Remember, we're looking for progress, not perfection. Be sure to visit speakingwithconfidence podcast.com to get your free ebook, the top twenty one challenges for public speakers, and how to overcome them. You can also register for the Formula for Public Speaking Tours. Always remember, your voice is empowered to change you. We'll talk to you next time. Take care.