Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
Do you have a Passionless Marriage?
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Have you noticed the fire in your marriage disappearing? If so, check out the latest podcast as Brad and Tiffany discuss a passionless marriage.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/date-your-wife/id1332221089
https://wakeupwarrior.com/lp/challenge/
https://www.kenblanchardbooks.com/book/raving-fans/
https://www.sproutins.com/
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2312581/support
Hey, good morning. This is Brad. I'm with my wife, Tiffany. Thank you so much for listening to the Hustle and Flow podcast. Been having a great morning and excited about today's topic. Today's topic is going to be a passionless marriage. I didn't say a passion full, I said a passionless. And we're going to talk about that this morning. Good morning, Tiffany.
SPEAKER_00Good morning.
SPEAKER_02What's happening in your world?
SPEAKER_00I'm on day 9,000 of the 30-day 5K a day challenge, and I've mixed something in my water that's supposed to give you energy because I have none. This 5K a day challenge was your idea. It's something we're doing together. It's not, you know, we're always trying to do things. I we try to do things with each other, whether it's something that we would have maybe chosen or not. And this is not something I would have chosen to do together. I had something more in in mind of um like let's let's play golf, let's play pickleball, let's, I don't know, learn to crochet together. 5K a day was not not it, but here we are. Now I'm actually on day 20 and of 30 and I'm I'm ready to be done.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Well, and and not only did we do a 5K a day, I upped the challenge on the 15th, uh, for well, 16 through 30 to include the extra mile. Yeah. And uh Matthew 541 talks about if somebody compels you to go one mile, go with him two. And so I challenged our group not only to do a 5K a day, but to add the extra mile and during the extra mile to pray for your enemies and pray for those who are wayward. And I'm gonna be honest with you, like I told you this morning, I thought, I said, this challenge is gonna be easy. Because I run a lot, you know, but I run like Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. I don't run every day. And I thought to myself, it's just three miles, it's gonna be easy, it's gonna be good. And my body said, Hey buddy, uh we don't feel good and we're really mad at you. And then I've we got a nine, I got a nine-mile run Saturday, so like I trying to think about doing that's gonna be insane. But uh I'm gonna be honest with you though, the extra mile I have enjoyed way more than the 3.1. Right. But it has caused me to pray for people that I didn't realize that I didn't like. Because the guy's bringing their name to my mind, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna pray for you. I'm gonna pray for you. And I thought, well, I didn't even realize I didn't like you. And that's so funny. Not anybody listening.
SPEAKER_00Well, I know, but that's so funny because when I've been praying that, you know, we're talking about praying for your enemies or your haters and all those things. I really haven't. I've just been praying a more general, and I've been, you know, blessing those who may be jealous or envious or who curse me or curse my business or curse my family, like, you know, but I really haven't had names. Mine has been more general. I think sometimes uh, you know, maybe I just stick my head in the sand or I'm blind if somebody doesn't like me or wishes me harm or is a a hater.
SPEAKER_02I don't I don't know or don't need to people be drinking some hater aid.
SPEAKER_00But anyway, so I'm ready. I don't know. Yep, I'm ready for it to be done.
SPEAKER_02Ten more days we're done.
SPEAKER_01Ten more days, and we can go do something else. Fun. This is not fun. This is fun. It's not fun. It's not fun.
SPEAKER_02Well, hey, listen, thank you so much for listening this morning. We digress, but we're gonna move on into our subject this morning. We're gonna talk about a passionless marriage. And where where did this originate from?
SPEAKER_00We were listening to a podcast um on our way down to Jackson of some people that you have listened to, and they were talking about a pass a passionless marriage. Um and I thought, you know, that is that's that's interesting. And if I'm not mistaken, was this the same people who kind of gave the advice that if you don't stay on the same page because you become different people that and if you that it's okay to move on?
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Was this the same people? And uh we don't I don't mind it saying who it is. I mean you can listen to their podcast. It's Garrett White, and I can't remember Garrett's name, the wife's name. Um they've been married about 24 years and they were talking about, you know, learning how to to work together. Garrett, if you know, if you're familiar, if you've seen Facebook ads or YouTube ads or something like that, he's the Wake Up Warrior guy. And he takes people out uh on an adventure for maybe three days over in California. It's kind of like a a two-day seal type thing. They keep you awake all the time and it's it's a soul searching type thing and it's based on Christianity or you know, whatever that is. And uh so that's who that is. And but yeah, they were the same people. The advice they gave was if your spouse don't take care of themselves, it's okay to go find somebody else. And I was like, hmm. I don't know where it's like.
SPEAKER_00I don't agree with that, but it's yeah, that's kind of what they said in a in a nutshell nutshell. If um, you know, if if one of you's not taking care of themselves and you're no longer attracted to that, you know. Yeah next. Next. So anyway, yeah. So anyway, passionless marriage. It's um you know, and I guess if you had to describe that, that would be a marriage where you're just really living as as friends. Yeah. Yeah, roommates, friends. I friends would probably be the the in-between of getting to where you're just roommates. At least friends is you're still, you know, talking, happy, right, hanging out, just like you would with your other other friends, and then roommates, I guess, is is is the the last part of that to where you're doing, you know, none of that. None of it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. You know, I did a I did a TikTok a few months ago about a conjugal roommate situation, and a lot of marriages turn into conjugal roommates. They'll have that conjugal visit and uh then they'll go on about their way just being roommates, but uh but that does not necessarily translate into a passionless marriage. A passionless marriage actually turns into a sexless marriage as well. And when you're talking about being passionless, like uh you've seen them, we we know, and and I could name them right now. We I can name some people that I know that are in a passionless marriage that they're just good friends. That they're either that or they're just good roommates. They make sure that they they pay their half of the bills and that the kids get bathed on time and they eat dinner together, they go to mama's house, or they make sure that uh that their schedules line up and there's zero passion in their marriage. Now, we talked about this. I asked you earlier, where do you where do you initially see uh what maybe what's a telltale sign of where you begin to see where passion wanes in a marriage? What what what what was it?
SPEAKER_00I would say one of them is like the body language of, you know, I'm close I'm my body language says I'm closed off. Like don't don't go grab for my hand, don't rub on my shoulder, don't, you know, whatever those things are, like my body language says I'm not really welcoming that. And for whatever reason, like the that those kind of little little touches and little things, those stop. I think that's definitely one of them. And and then the the other is just um the you know that there's no empathy anymore. What was it? Um you start listening with ears of, you know, or thoughts of, well, it sucks to be you.
SPEAKER_02That's you know sucks to be you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I think I think you're you're right. It's just care and concern and little touches. You know, when you when you see people when the affection is lost and you begin to see people not touch anymore. Now look, I I understand you and I've talked about this, I think even on the podcast, is that there's a there's an ick factor to me holding your hand sometime. And it's not because you don't love me, it's just because of how maybe you were raised as not touchy feely, but you still will allow me to touch you.
SPEAKER_00That sounds terrible. Yes, I mean, yeah, when we hold hands and you you don't take it personally anymore, but like when I'm done, I'm done. If I'm like I'll pat you and like, okay, that was a good session.
SPEAKER_01Like, but I'm done.
SPEAKER_00Uh if we're walking together, you'll grab my hand and I'll do it for a little while and I'm okay with a little while, but then like I'll pat you, like, okay, I'm done with that.
SPEAKER_02If if y'all if y'all could see the video, I mean you can see it on Facebook when I post it, but she is as red as the shirt she's got on. She's like, oh my God, I can't believe you just said that there's well but but there is a certain amount of ick factor, but yours is not because you can't stand me, it's because of how you were raised. And I go back to say is that whenever you develop an ick factor to your spouse touching you, that's a good caution sign there that you need to raise the flag and say, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Why do I feel this way? Why do I why do I kind of uh shake a little bit when they want to put their hand on me? And it's because passion is waning in your marriage. Now now what is that what does that look like? You know you know, what what what are some signs? What what are some things you can talk about when it comes to a passionless marriage? What happens, what happens not after after touch happens, what what's one of the first things to go?
SPEAKER_00I mean, don't you think you just start probably going off in into your own world, doing your own thing, being autonomous, even though you're you're married, um, separating out your days, yeah, your plans.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00All those things, like instead of me and you going to mom and them's this weekend, I'm going to mom and them's. Yeah. Um, I think it can even get deeper, maybe just because of a lack of of trying or involving each other in your lives, you know, even planning vacations separately. Um you don't want to go to the beach with us. Well, it's okay, you don't have to. I don't care. I don't really care if you go or not. Right. We'll be fine, probably have a better time without you. You know, just those kind of those kind of things. I think those are certainly things that come to mind of you know, not having passion anymore is you just start being autonomous and separating yourselves from each other.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. What what is that? But you passion, and that's the word that we're talking about, is a passionless marriage. And and you know, there are people who are listening or who's gonna say, well, you know, I'm not real passionate. The heck you're not. I can tell you right now, come fall football season, if Ole Miss makes the uh the playoffs, and I I'm an old miss, I'm graduating University of Mississippi. If if Ole Miss makes the playoffs, I'm passionate. If Jackson Dart throws a touchdown to Trey Harris, boom. I'm up jumping around. I'm passionate. And I can tell you, you're passionate about something. You absolutely are passionate about something, whether it's a hobby, whether it's work, whether it's uh looking at your phone, whether what what you're passionate about something. So to sit here and tell me I'm not, it's just not how I am. I'm not wired to be passionate. Yeah, you are. You're just not passionate about your wife, or you're not passionate about your husband. And so one of the one of the first things that goes after you begin to have the ick factor with touching is sex goes away. And it becomes uh maybe a chore. We've talked about that before of sex being a chore, especially for women, but it but sex goes away. And and and look, we're all adults here listening to this podcast. I understand that every time you make love with your spouse or have sex with your spouse, that it's not gonna be a barn burner. That you're not gonna just throw clothes all over the the living room and just go for it. It's gonna be some some plan or it's gonna be just whatever it is sometimes. But I can tell you, if you don't ever have some spontaneous barn burner sex, sometimes you sometimes the passion may be waning a little bit. And you know, I I and you hate this, you hate this, but I I keep thinking about Bill Lingval. That's my that's one of my favorites, that's the stupidest thing. Him talking about them going at it one night, and he said, She was arching her back, and he said, he said, I was thinking, you are welcome. And she said, You're on my hair, you're on my hair, you're on my hair. And he said, then she was going at it with him, and he said she knocked a candle over, and he said wax got all over him, and he said he started screaming, and she said, You are welcome. He said, No, no, I got wax all over me. So it it's it's those stupid type things. I think that that sex, once sex goes away or it becomes just kind of occasional, you can tell that there's passion waning in your marriage.
SPEAKER_00Well, sex is is the deepest connection, and so with no sex, there becomes a disconnect for sure. I don't I personally don't believe, and somebody may want to debate me, I personally don't believe you can have the deepest level of passion and connection in your marriage without sex. I don't believe a sexless marriage key is a um is a passion-filled, deeply connected marriage. Um and somebody may disagree with me, and that's okay, they can be wrong. But that's right. I don't you know, I don't believe that you can take take that out um and and stay passionate and deeply connected. So yeah.
SPEAKER_02And and this ain't about sex per se, but let's let's dig just a little bit deeper on that topic. Because you said it is the deepest connection you can have. And and and expound on that just a little bit, because uh I mean we understand the act is very intimate. Okay. You're you're beginning to see the most inter intimate parts of a person, but but what do you mean in your opinion?
SPEAKER_00Well, too, I mean, uh th that's such a v a vulnerable thing when you're sharing all of yourself and you know, you're naked most of the time, obviously, I guess. All those things like it's a very vulnerable time, and so that causes such a vulnerability that creates even a a deeper, you know, a deeper level. And I believe it's easier to be to have passion when you know each other in those deep ways. If you don't, then it goes back to what we were talking about about being roommates and just being friends. All friends are not vulnerable with each other.
SPEAKER_02They're not. They're absolutely not.
SPEAKER_00You know, uh So what separates us from just being good friends to being passionate in our marriage?
SPEAKER_02Right, right. I I think too it goes back to where you begin to I I guess to have no compassion. You know, we talked about losing touch and losing feeling and getting the ick factor when they touch you, but then you begin just to lose interest. You know, I think the older I get, and I read a book a long time ago. It's called Raving Fans. If you've not read it, it's a really great book. But I don't want to be a raving fan of my my University of Mississippi football team. I I I love them and I can tell you who's playing and things like that. I don't want to be a raving fan of the Atlanta Braves. I I I I like the Braves, went to the game not too long ago. I don't want to be a raving fan of uh any sports thing. I want to be a raving fan of you. And I want to know what you like. Well, this is what you used to like. What do you like now? What what what has changed in you? What what is what is it that what what's your your uh thing that makes you go? You know, what are the little things, the little things that you like, the little things that you need. I'm not losing interest in you. What what's the uh I can't remember the song about I'll be uh you know, I'll be, that's the name of the song. It's talking about I want to be your biggest fan. And if you're not your spouse's biggest fan, you're missing something. You know, if you know more about your friend or your brother or your mama or social media more than you know about your spouse, you've got it backwards. And and you can think, well, he's being mean. I'm not being mean, I'm telling you, when you lose interest in your spouse, you begin to have a passionless marriage. I want to know you. I want to I want to know what makes you tick. You know, we were talking about this Father's Day, we just celebrated it. And you told me, you said, you're the hardest or worst, I don't know what your term was, the hardest or worst person to buy for. Yeah. And she said, because nobody knows what you want. You don't like anything. I I was like, I began to think, am I? And I I apologized to her. I said, I don't try to be difficult on person, purpose. I said, I just don't really need anything. I said, the only thing I really cared about was my my family coming to see me, but they still want to buy stuff. But I think it goes back to when you lose interest because I need to know at 50 years old, I need to know where you are now. I know where you were at 30, but where you at at 50. And I need to have compassion for that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Well, and you know, g what you're talking about about becoming a fan and st and you know, and you study your spouse and you know their likes and dislikes. I know what you like. I would have known what you like for Father's Day, but you already have all that. Yep. So you already have those stupid five-toed socks that you love so much. We get you that every every holiday. You know, you already have so many uh workout hats. You love hats. Well, you don't have any room for any more workouts.
SPEAKER_01Speaking of looking my hat.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I see your sprout insurance hat. So we don't have any any more room for any any of that. So it's but you but just becoming a fan of each other, you know, that goes one one of the things I was thinking about is gestures. Sometimes when we lose passion, we don't have any more gestures for each other, no little surprises, no happies, um none of those things to just say that because those things keep passion alive. You know, you're a big doer of of things for me. You're and stop saying ick factor then with me because I don't have an ick factor in your hold my hand. It's just not my love life language. But my love language is gifts, and so you get me little little things sometimes. I ran out of town um when you sent me away to the cabin, and um, you know, that's a joke. But you know, you got me gym shorts. I'd mentioned I like this particular kind of gym shorts. So you went and you bought those gym shorts for me in another color. You know, um, I knew that you had said you liked a certain shirt, so like we we went and got that shirt for you. But but when those little things stop, then that that is also like things start to die. But when we're talking about, okay, I'm I'm hearing this and have I lost passion. Well, these are little things you can do to start it back. You know, if you become a fan of your spouse and you listen to what they say and you pick up on those little things, then you can do gestures for them, whether it's a task, whether it is a an actual gift, whether it's, you know, an errand, that whatever, just little things like that keep it alive. And gratitude, saying thank you and being thankful. That's right. All those things, those are some things that help keep passion alive. Being grateful for the little things and saying thank you, and I think those help.
SPEAKER_02I think so too. And you know, I I I don't know, I I guess this is kind of where it needs to go right now, but going back to just being a fan and studying your spouse, I you study I I don't know why I keep using this, but you'll study your favorite team and know every stat and every stupid thing about that. That has nothing to do with you. You you you know, but you need to study your spouse. You need to write down things that are important to them. And I think about this all the time. I don't know why. She I do know I mean she loves chicks chicken salad chick, okay. But I don't know why I have a mental block on what it is that she wants me to order there. Like I get like I get there and it's like a deer in headlights. I cannot remember what she likes. I can't remember what she orders. And so you know what I've got? I've got a note in my phone that every time I go to chicken salad chick to get her something, I can read. I want a sassy squatt, or sassy squatty, sassy scotty scotty with and again, see I can't remember now. I have to look at my phone.
SPEAKER_00Sassy Scotty with a scuba fruity friend.
SPEAKER_02Scoopa fruity friend. And I wrote that in my phone because I know that's important to her. Because if I come home with something other, she may eat it and say, Thanks, but that's not what she wants.
SPEAKER_00Or she may say, Please go back. I do not eat this. I don't know what this buffalo one is. I don't think that's a good one. I don't like it.
SPEAKER_02But uh but again, you go back to when you start to lose interest and you quit becoming a fan of your spouse, the passion starts to wane.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and like, you know, other little things like yeah a lot of a a lot of times as a couple, you have your own little secret language. You have your inside jokes, you have your humor of what you both think is funny, you have that relative that you both like chuckle to each other about something they say that's off the wall. Oh yeah. Or um, I saw that the other day on TikTok of like you both hear something in a at a family function that you know you're gonna give a play by play on.
SPEAKER_01That's the debrief on the way home, a car ride.
SPEAKER_00Like, oh my god, did you hear that too? Yeah. Um, or or anything. We have a lot of things that we do together, like business meetings, church meetings, all those things, and we're like look at each other. Something was said last night off the wall at church, and we were both texting each other like, What was that? That was crazy.
SPEAKER_02I think I think my text to you was what the heck? That was my text to you when it was said. I said, What the heck?
SPEAKER_00Our pastor didn't say it. Else said it. The crazy aunt said it. Yeah. But um and you you know you don't have laughs anymore, you don't have the inside jokes, you don't have humor um anymore. That those things uh lead to passion less and so i don't you think I mean that's one thing we'd love to do is laugh together. I obviously have way bigger sense of humor than you do.
SPEAKER_02Um That's true, yeah, that's true because either that or it's just lame because she'll show me stuff and I'm like, that's just not funny.
SPEAKER_00I'm not lame, you're lame. That's not funny. But um other things like just not care and no effort anymore in your appearance or your hygiene. Right. And and you I heard that this is no joke.
SPEAKER_02Somebody I I where was I? Somebody said that their husband hadn't had a haircut in six months. In what? And he's not trying to grow his hair out to look like uh Fabio. Uh I just think that he just hadn't been to the barber in six months. That's can you imagine what kind of wolf I would look like if I didn't go to the barber in six months?
SPEAKER_00No, you would accidentally get gum stuck in your hair.
SPEAKER_02I'd be like I I'd look like I'd look like teen wolf. That's what I'd look like. I I would look bushy and wild and crazy. Six months.
SPEAKER_00But i going back to being a fan, you know, you're a fan when you're dating. You do those things to become a fan of each other. So with appearance and hygiene, you don't stop those things.
SPEAKER_02No. But I think that people get involved in just I I think sometimes you let life get in the way. Yeah. And that's where the passion begins. Wayne, because you go back to, well, I'll I'll catch up with you. You know, we'll we'll we'll go out next week. Or we'll get together next week, and you get involved with uh you're distracted. May maybe you get maybe you get involved with the kids.
SPEAKER_00Kids. I think kids are um probably when you're raising kids, that that is a huge issue that causes marriage to take a back burner and to really make the passion grow cold because you're you your kids have something every single night, every day. They're texting you if they're teenagers all day long. You know, you're always trying to get from A to B to C to D. With kids, it go through the whole alphabet of where you're trying to get to nowadays. But I think that is a a huge deterrent of passion because all your focus is on the kids.
SPEAKER_02It does. Yeah. And I'm gonna say this if you put your kids before your spouse, you're wrong. And I'll just let that land in the podcast world and just resonate. If you put your kids before your spouse, you're wrong. You get caught up in sometimes living through your kids. You know, I've seen it time and time again, even even, you know, travel ball, things like that. You get caught up in little Johnny can't hit the baseball. But because you got five thousand dollars to travel, he's on a travel team. And you focus on every weekend, we're gonna be Friday, Saturday, Sunday playing ball, playing ball, playing ball, that you're at the ball field, your husband's doing his thing, the wife's doing their thing, and you are losing passion in your marriage because you're focusing everything on that kid who may or may not be able to make it. And and that's the thing, it doesn't matter if it's ballet, it doesn't matter if it's dance, if it's piano, if it's all kind of listen, I I I'm not against kids doing things. And I'm I'm I'm all for it. I believe kids can need to be involved as much as they can, but at the expense of your marriage, it's wrong. And and I believe that. Because guess what's gonna happen? They're gonna move out. If little Johnny don't go pro, little Johnny's gonna go have to work somewhere. And he's gonna have to move out of the house, and it's gonna be you and your husband and the passionless marriage that you've created because you've focused on your kids, or vice versa. The dad does it as well, and he loses focus of his wife. And I can tell you, it's wrong.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and and work, you know, one one person could be all involved in kids and the other person all involved in overworking all the time. Um too tired and too frustrated or too consumed with work to put time into being, you know, a fan and to creating moments that will lead to a passion-filled marriage instead of a passionless marriage. That's common as well. Anything that you're putting hobbies, you know, it's easy in our world that that we're in because we're we're we see because we do CrossFit and run, we see, we see two different, you know, things that where you can if you wanted to, you could. You could spend all your time in fitness all the time, but people do it with hunting, with fishing, with all those other things too. Like I I know families where where's the husband every weekend? He's hunting, gone for the weekend, yep. Hunting. Um I guess there are some women women that are gone for the weekend hunting. I don't know. It could happen. Or you know, or fishing, just all those things. And those are there's nothing wrong with doing any of those things in themselves, as long as it doesn't take away from you becoming autonomous and living your own life and doing what you want to do and forgetting, hey, I'm still married. What is my spouse? Like, is this interfering with my spouse and what so that we can keep us alive and the passion between us alive.
SPEAKER_02And that that's important and in independent hobbies. And I'll say this, you know, you you you you're welcome to disagree with me. If you if you if I'm lying, call me out. I I I don't I don't think I am. But you're not as enthused with running as I am. No, not at all. You run, but you're not as enthused as you're I'm not enthused with it at all. Well you're not you're not as enthused with even competitions or races or those type things. And so I just signed up for the Spartan Ultra in Dallas in October. But before I did, unless I'm unless I'm remembering it wrong, because I sometimes I I paint pretty pictures in my mind, I asked you, I said, Hey, what do you think about me doing this? Because you know that when I commit to this, that it's gonna be three months of grueling training, that I'm gonna have to get up early, I'm gonna have to spend a lot of time making sure that my body's ready to put in eight to ten hours of work on a course. And we talked about that. I didn't just sign up and say, hey, just want you to know uh I'm gonna have to get up at four o'clock on Wednesday and I'll be gone for four hours on the road running. Um we talked about that. And so independent hobbies, though, if you don't talk about those things can really, really be a problem. But I I I'll be honest, we tr we are struggling right now at 52 and 50 to find a common hobby. You know, we're not perfect. So we're we're struggling to find a common hobby because you don't love running. I love running. I I I pickleball's okay, but we've not made time for it. So, you know, we're we're at a place to where we're working, but but the key here is that we're working to find a common hobby.
SPEAKER_00And that's what I was thinking when you said that. Like we we know that we want to find things to keep to keep us alive, we want to find things that we can do together, that we both enjoy, because you know I don't love Spartan races like you do or or running or those things. And so you know that while we may do that together, that's not something we're gonna enjoy together. I would love I I would love every Wednesday to tear out and hit every dirt cheap within a 300-mile radius, but that's not something you love. We're not gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_02I'm telling you, you when you said that it just stoked my fire.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Oh my God. If you're a dirt dirty bird fan, hey, uh, you know, I find something there once in a while, but it takes me about 10 minutes to walk the store, and I'm like, okay, there's nothing here, let's go. But but I get it, but that's right. You know, um that for me, that's like you training for a Spartan race. That's that's about what it feels like to me. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But we, you know, but we want to make sure that we stay in love and that we're doing fun things together, that we're that we're laughing together, we're talking together, we're eating together, that we're not going off and doing separate meals. I'm not eating at five o'clock and you're not eating at 7 30 in front of the TV or while you're gaming. Like we're we're eating together, we're doing things to make sure that we stay much married, in love, happy, and connected.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. And and we're not saying that you can't ever not eat together. Things happen, life happens, but we're talking about in consist on a consistent basis. If you're finding ways, I think this is it, if you're finding ways to create distance between you and your spouse, whether it's uh hobbies or our or games or food or whatever it is, vacation you're you're you're headed for a passionless marriage. You're headed down that road, and and and it's not too late. You can turn this thing back, but it's hard to turn it it's hard to turn that ship back once it's headed in that direction. You really have to work hard to do it. And you have to work hard to make sure. Yeah, I think about sleeping arrangements. Look, I again uh this is one of those things. Unless there's health reasons you can't sleep together, it's not healthy for you to be in in separate bedrooms.
SPEAKER_00Well, I think a lot of times it happens though because of kids co-sleeping, because of, you know, snoring, I think is the number one reason, probably out of anything, that people separate each other. I don't know. You think that's the number one reason for murder too? Uh no, I don't know. Probably maybe. But um you know, and and I I get it. I get that that happens and it it's just easier for me to get a good night's sleep and you get a good night's sleep and not be kicked all night long because you're you're loud and you're keeping me up, whatever. But yeah, it's it's it's not, I don't think it's but you know, some people would argue with us. You know, there's whole things out there about it being the best thing for your marriage to sleep separately. Have you seen any of that?
SPEAKER_02I I've seen a little of that. And so I don't know.
SPEAKER_00There may be people that say we're absolutely wrong that they're they're very happy because they don't sleep together at night. I don't know. I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Well, and every everybody has a turn the ship.
SPEAKER_00So how you know one of the ways you can turn the ship is to some of these things that maybe that stick out, you go back to taking care of your hygiene and and look not get losing weight and getting skinny or whatever for somebody else uh for for the next person, but just even just making sure you you go get a haircut or you're brushing your teeth or you're not having stained clothes on just because every day of your life. Um the small gestures, making time for each other, asking how your day was, and actually listening and not thinking, uh, it sucks to be you, but saying, Oh gosh, like well, I hope today's better. I'm gonna pray about that and really doing it. You know, just making starting with those small things I think can can can turn the ship back in the right direction. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02And it can. And you may find yourself, look, you may be in your marriage, this is you may be happy but not have passion. Just happy roommates. Good friends, you know, you you you just kind of hang out together. But here's the thing, you fall out of love so easy. It's easy to quit saying I love you. It's easy to quit having that touch. It's easy to you have to intentionally constantly stoke the fire. You have to go out and chop some firewood and bring it in and put it on the fire. You can't just assume that there's firewood in the house. You gotta go out and get some as well and bring it in. I know that's probably a a redneck backwoods analogy, but it's the truth. I've got to put lawns on the fire. I can't just assume that the fire is gonna continue to burn day after day after day without me adding anything to it. And you know, sometimes you look at your spouse and you think, they're just a solid dude. That's a solid, she's a solid girl. That's a solid guy. And you just have a good, stable marriage, and you live your whole life unhappy and miserable with no passion. Because I can tell you, 52 and 50, we got some logs on the fire. There's some passion in our life. When I see you in the morning, I t I tell you every day, you're the best thing I wake up to. I bring I bring you your coffee, I try to give you a kiss on the cheek or a kiss on the head because we ain't doing nothing because we ain't brush teeth. So so I try to give you a kiss on the head, and I always try to tell you good night, baby, I love you. Because I want that passion to be in my life. And I don't want you at 50 years old to have to go find somebody else or do something else because I'm not giving you what you need. And listen, I I don't care if you've been married five years, ten years, fifteen, twenty, you need to you need to pay attention when the passion starts to wane in your marriage and figure out why. And take those steps, like Tiffany said, try to reinvent little ways to create passion again. What's your final word?
SPEAKER_00Go get it. Go get some wood, chop it, it's work. Go get that. That's what we're here to do. Keep working.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely. Hey, listen, thank you so much for listening today. We encourage you to get in the flow of life. If there's an area you want to get better in, find people who are going that direction and hop in the flow, and you'll find yourself getting to where you want to be. Thank you so much for listening. We appreciate it. Thank you so much that if you've given us a five-star review, if you've been sharing this with your friends, we encourage you to do so and continue to listen. Have a great day.
