Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
In-laws and Outlaws
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Brad tried to breakdance back in the 80s? It's an Olympic sport now, and our morning chat takes off with some nostalgic laughter about his less-than-successful attempt at mastering those moves. But the real heart of our episode lies in tackling the tricky terrain of in-law relationships. Tiffany opens up about her journey into Brad's Christian family, sharing her candid reflections on blending different traditions and expectations.
Ever felt overwhelmed by frequent visits from in-laws or struggled to set boundaries? We dive headfirst into these challenges, emphasizing how crucial it is to prioritize your marriage and create your own family dynamic. We share practical tips on handling those parent visits and establishing your household routines as newlyweds. From learning new skills together to setting firm yet loving boundaries, we cover the essential steps for maintaining a harmonious relationship with your in-laws.
Competition over time with grandchildren, holiday stress, and even the occasional heated topic—these are common struggles many couples face. Our discussion offers insights into managing these dynamics with grace and respect. By fostering positive relationships and showing inclusivity, we aim to build a strong family environment that supports and uplifts everyone involved. Whether you're navigating new or long-standing family dynamics, this episode is packed with advice and real-life anecdotes to help you create lasting family bonds.
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In-Laws and Family Dynamics
Speaker 1Hey , good morning . Good morning , this is Brad and I'm with my beautiful wife , tiffany . Good morning , tiffany . We are the host of the Hustle Flow podcast just brought to you this morning . We're going to be talking about in-laws and maybe outlaws , I don't know , but we're definitely going to be talking about in-laws this morning and it's something that , if you're married , it's an important topic and you might want to tune in a little bit more .
Speaker 2Good morning Tiffany . What's happening your way ? Just been an exciting week . Olympics have started . I am a little mad and sad . They have introduced breaking . And what breaking ? Like break , dancing break dancing Okay . And I never knew this was going to be a thing , because I have missed my shot . I would have been prepping , preparing , getting ready , because who would have ever thought this was going to be part of the Olympics one day ? And here I am . This gets announced .
Speaker 1I'm obviously not ready , not prepared , but there's all kinds of new things , but break dancing , let's talk about that for a , because I grew up in the 80s . Man , the 80s was the epicenter of breakdancing , and I don't know if I told you this or not . This is an important thing . I bought a breakdancing book in 1985 , when I was with my grandmother one day , and so I went home and tried to teach myself how to do the windmill , how to do the worm . I can do the worm , we did it . I did it one night when the power went out . My kids were filming me doing the worm . Never could , never could get the windmill down . I think they had some cardboard that they were sliding around on . I wouldn't cool enough and definitely wouldn't coordinate enough to be a good break dancer . But , man , I'll tell you what break dancing back in the 80s , it's a real deal . But if you would have , kept your book .
Speaker 2If you would have stuck with it , this could have been your time to shine .
Speaker 1That could have been my pivot moment that we just talked about Could have been my pivot moment , could have been a breakdancer , but no , no , there's a lot of new events . What other events were you telling me about ?
Speaker 2Surfing , skateboarding , sport climbing .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2I climbing . Yeah , I think that's a combination of climbing , but yeah , there's some new things in there , of course , like you know , we lift weights a lot , so that that's exciting . I heard some people , jim , this morning talking about numbers that some of these guys were putting up that were lifting , but yeah , so lots of new exciting things and that's that's underway right now .
Speaker 1Yeah absolutely , Absolutely Well . Hey , good morning . Thank you for listening to us . We're going to talk this morning . We're just going to hop right in and talk about in-laws . Let's just just tell me about your in-laws , Tiffany .
Speaker 2Well , this is funny because I mean , if we , if you ask couples , tell me about your in-laws , because family systems are so different and so diverse , they are likely not going to have I'm going to guess they're not going to have the same answer . Like cause , I can say , um , you know , this is what I think about my in-laws . And then you may say , well , this is what I think about my in-laws because they're just two different people , so it wouldn't be the same answer . Not that either answer is bad , but it's just they're going to be different . You know different people , but no , I have great in-laws . My in-laws have always been great . You know and I know we'll talk about it later I am absolutely not shadow of a doubt not who they would have chose for you .
Speaker 2I was not who they were praying for , because you were raised in a Christian home . Your dad was a pastor . When your parents were praying for your wife , I am not who was popping in their head . I am 100% certain of that . However , there is hope . There is good news . I am 100% now who they think is your part or the best partner for you . But you know , I just like for us . You know I came into the marriage ? I was not . I was not a Christian . When we started dating , I dressed like I was going to the club . When you would take me to your daddy's church , he was pastoring his little dad's church and they all had dresses on . Well , you told me I had to wear a dress . Well , I did . Yeah , you did it just wasn't .
Speaker 2Hey , it wasn't .
Speaker 1That's what I was praying for .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's what you were praying for . I did , I did , I , I did , I did , I wore the dress . But then I think they were like we don't wear pants here . But , girl , if you want to wear pants it's okay . But so it's just funny because you know , like , I do have great , I have great in-laws . But I know that it probably took some getting used to for them to get used to me . But , on the flip , it took some getting used to for me to get used to them . Right , yeah , because to them . Right yeah , because they weren't what I was used to either . Well , tell me about that .
Speaker 1I mean and again , I'm not trying to put you on the spot , but just just tell me about that , because that's that's a good thought your family dynamic was different than mine .
Speaker 2Like y'all all sat and had dinner around the table like y'all . It's like y'all were trying to replicate the dang crosby's or the the engels family or something . I'm like what is this ? Why are y'all , why are y'all like sitting here Like I'll be in all chatty , chatty and eating dinner together and we're all going to talk about our day ? And it was just strange phenomenon that I was not used to . So I mean , you know that's a thing is that you know you all got to get used to each other .
Speaker 1Right , yeah , yeah , I think so too , and it's , you know , in-laws . It's a funny thing because , like you said , each family dynamic is different . Right , it is , and I said this last night to you . I would dare say that most people that your son or your daughter bring home are probably not who you would choose for your son or your daughter , and they usually what was it we did , we did a couple three weeks ago ? Opposites attract , right , and you know , mama wants a sweet , kind , quiet girl for her . I'm not talking about you , I'm not talking . She wants you know , know . But then all of a sudden you bring home loud you bring home loud new yorker .
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying . Like , I mean , I'm just you and it's like wow , then , then like , but even on the converse , I don't know that I'm what your mom and daddy wanted for you no , because you were too goody two shoes for sure , and so that was a .
Speaker 2That was an issue like that . They had to get used to you because you were a little . You know you were different , probably than what they were thinking
Navigating Boundaries With in-Laws
Speaker 2of for me . But when you said that , like I would say that , like most people you know , most people that your kids bring home are not who you and it's not necessarily because they're good or bad . It's just that , like you know your kid and you think how in the world is that ever going to work ? Is what . You look at it sometimes and think , how is that ? And that's what I'm sure when your parents look at it how in the world is that ever going to work ?
Speaker 1They probably didn't say that . They probably said that would never work , that would never work .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's it too . I mean you know that would never work . So it's because it's different , like when you're a parent and you marry somebody and they bring their kids , you know you love those kids like your own , your stepkids or whatever . And same thing . But spouses getting you know your kids , getting married and bringing somebody home , that's different . That's a different like you got to learn to you know love , accept and figure it all out . And I think it takes time for them to you know , for parents to love their , their daughter-in-laws and sons-in-laws like their own and vice versa , like that ain't your mama . So it does take some time for you to love your mama-in-law like your mama or your daddy-in-law like your daddy .
Speaker 1Yeah , and to receive from them either way , because it's it's an adjustment . It is an adjustment because here's the thing you and I go home together and so we have to build our life and our relationship , but then , when you add the dynamic of my mom and dad , or your mom and dad , or or whomever , it changes . So here's the thing In-laws can be the blessing on your life or they can be cancer to your bones .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And that's coming from Papa and Honey that have two married kids and it's not easy sometimes . I love my son-in-laws but sometimes I want to thump my son-in-laws on the head . I want to thump my daughters on the head and I'm sure that my son-in-law's mama's want to thump my daughter's on the head sometimes because you have an idea of what you want for your kid and so it gets weird sometimes . But I can tell you it can be the best blessing or it can be cancer to your bones . Because here's some things . Here's how you know if your in-laws are affecting your relationship . One way is that you spend a lot of time in your marriage talking about your mama or your in-laws . If you spend a lot of time as a married couple always talking about the in-laws or always talking about your mama or your daddy , or my mama or my daddy , there's a good chance they may be affecting your relationship .
Speaker 2Well , yeah , mama said , mama said , mama said , or my daddy said oh yeah .
Speaker 1And my daddy used to say a lot . My daddy used to tell me a whole bunch of things about how life needed to be and what I needed to do , you know , and so that was one of the things but going back to is that you have to put your marriage first .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah . You have to put your marriage first , and , especially when you first get married , it's hard to not go over to Mama Nim's every day , because you used to live there and you love Mama Nim and you want to be at Mama Nim's house . Well , you're married . Now it's time to go home with the person that you said I'd do to at the altar . But what if they can't ?
Speaker 1cook . You said , I do too at the altar .
Speaker 2But what if they can't cook ? Yeah , I mean , you married a boy , you married a girl , you married whoever you married . Y'all got to go home together . Now , mom and them need to , you know , to meet you on the front porch and go . Uh-uh , you've been over here two nights this week . You got to go home . Go home , yeah , go home . You got to go home . If they can cannot cook , or your man cannot cook , then learn to cook together , because you know that's who you're going to spend the rest of your life with , and you got to start learning how to do that and put your marriage first .
Speaker 1Well , and that's it Biblically . The Bible says that you've got to basically tear away from your , your , your family , and you got to create your own family . Okay , so you're no longer , uh , and and I , you're no longer on your mama's teat . You got to break off of that . You gotta , you gotta , move on and you or , if you're a man , you're now responsible for your wife . You're not responsible to your mama anymore . Now there's an affiliable obligation that we can talk about at some point as far as taking care of them and their age , but what your mom and daddy does , that's their business and it's not yours . As a husband , it's your job to take care of your wife and , as a wife , it's your job to take care of your husband , and it's not what your mom and dad do . So you have to put your , you have to put your , your marriage first , because now you have a family , even though you're part of a family , and you have to set some boundaries . We talked about that too .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think you do have to set boundaries and whatever that looks like for your house . Um , you know , we didn't ever really have this . I know this happens . It wasn't an issue for us .
Speaker 2But as an example , for instance , if you know , if you or a mom-in-law don't do this , but you know mama drops by all the time and just walks in the house and does whatever she wants while she's there . Like well , as a married couple , you may have to say like hey , we , you know , we let's have some scheduled visits . Call before you come , Make sure it's a good time , make sure we don't have plans , make sure we weren't walking out the door for date night , like whatever . But just , that's just an example . Like , whatever the things are , set some boundaries . You know your parents are not going to be allowed to get in our finances . If you're not , if your parents are not paying for anything that are that you've paying for you anymore , then your parents don't need to ask you know what , what , how much your car payment is and how much are you making and all those other things . And , like you know , make some , some decisions that parents are going to stay out of certain things . That those are .
Speaker 1those are no , no fly zones for for your parents absolutely , and I'll say this , though if your parents are still paying your phone bill , are they paying your car insurance ? They may have a right there to say hey , buddy , I saw you went on a vacation last week . Uh , you think you could take care of your phone bill this month . Oh no , man , I can't . I can't , man . You know , here's the Gary Vee said it . Gary Vee if you know , gary Vee , I love Gary Vee . Gary Vee said if your parents pay for anything , you keep their name out of your mouth when it comes to finances that they got every right to ask you a question if they pay one bill , if they pay for it . He went as far to say if your name is on the Netflix account and you use their Netflix account , they can ask you a question about your money . And I was like whoa , that's pretty deep there , yeah , but you got to set some boundaries . You got to set some boundaries .
Speaker 2Set boundaries . And then I think , when parents , you know , when there's a parent , an offending parent that's breaking those things or anything you know , I think that you need to be the one to discuss it , or anything you know , I think that you need to be the one to discuss it . If that's your mama , then you need to talk to your mama and say hey , mama , this is causing a little bit of an issue , or do you think you could help us with this , Mama ?
Speaker 1ain't going to like it though .
Speaker 2Most mamas ain't going to like it . Yeah , but when it comes to your parents , like you need to handle your business , because you do a disservice to your spouse when you don't cover them , protect them and help keep those fences firm , and when you're not the one to say , okay , this is important to you , then let's talk this out and then I'll go to mom and them and I'll talk about this . Don't make your spouse be the bad guy because you keep letting things go , because you love mama . You don't want to hurt mama's feelings , but mama's hurting your spouse's feelings . But don't make your spouse be the bad guy that she they've got to be the one to go . You know , talk to mom or daddy .
Speaker 1Absolutely 34 years . If you get on the phone with your mama and you let your mama talk about your wife , you got a problem . You need to shut that crap down and say you will not talk about my wife that way and you need to shut it down . And you don't need to be a party to making your spouse look bad or feel bad and make your mama feel better and listen , I love my mama . I can tell you right now I'll fight you for my mama , but I'm not going to let my mama talk . Can tell you right now I'll fight you for my mama , but I'm not gonna let my mom talk about my wife , because it's because I'm going to address that well , and even not on the phone , like in-laws .
Speaker 2You know I have great ones . Mine did not do this , but I hear the stories . You know in-laws that make little disparaging comments about parenting styles and you know , um , oh , so you , you didn't work enough this week , like just whatever . Whatever it is like don't , you can't let your parents make disparaging comments , not even just on the phone , to your spouse's face or around them , to other relatives or whatever . Like you got to shut that down .
Speaker 1Shut it down . Shut it down and don't make your wife or your husband have to go and address it with their in-laws . You handle it . It's your mama . You know how your mama ticks . You know how your daddy ticks .
Speaker 1You need to handle it , and I've had to handle some things with my mom and daddy before even in regards to you , when we were younger , I've had to say nope , we're not going to do that and I didn't want to . I'm just going to be the first two men . I didn't want to because I didn't want to hurt my mom or my daddy , because I love them . But at some point I had to realize that the nucleus of my new family that God had given me superseded my family . I came from yeah , and so there's that you also have to let go of some expectation . You know you're not going to control other people . You're not my daddy going to say what my daddy's going to say sometime , and you're not going to control RD that's what we call him . You're not going to control RD and you've got to have an idea . You know you may have an idea what you want the perfect mother-in-law
Navigating Relationships With in-Laws
Speaker 1to be . What was the movie that had J-Lo in it ?
Speaker 2Monster-in-Law , monster-in-law , yeah .
Speaker 1Yeah , and there's some true monster in-laws out there , yes , but you know you may have unrealistic expectations of what your mother-in-law or father-in-law is going to be . And you know I really and I mean this I try to be a good father-in-law . It's not easy sometimes because I'm still a man . I still have my ideas of what I think I want and what I think's right and what I want for my daughters . But I try to be a good father-in-law . I try to hug my son-in-laws , let them know I love them , you know , and try to be that guy . And but I don't know what their expectation is for me , for a father-in-law . They may want me just to leave them alone , I don't know .
Speaker 1But you gotta , you've got to let go of expectation . I think the other thing , you got to be flexible . You can't be so rigid in your life that you don't allow room for the in-laws , Right , and even if you don't like them , you have to make room to let them come around . And I said this we were talking about last night that you have to find a way as much as possible to let them be part of your life . Find a way as much as possible to let them be part of your life because you married their , their daughter , or you married their son and they still love them . So you got to , you can't just shut them out . No , you're not coming , we aren't , you ain't coming . Well , I don't want to see y'all . You got to let them be as much a part of your life as possible . And then look , let's shoot it straight . Some in-laws are toxic , Some in-laws are problematic , Some in-laws are problems and you do have to set those boundaries . So what else do you have to do ?
Speaker 2Well , you know . I think , though , that there will probably be people listening who say well , my in-laws don't come around , they don't have anything really to do with us , or whatever . And that's again , that's not really an unrealistic expectation , it's just an expectation period , and you just sometimes have to let let those expectations go so you're not hurt . You know that you're . Maybe you're um . You know your wife's dad never calls or comes around . Or you know your um , your husband's , you know mom doesn't , doesn't ever check on him if something's going on , or whatever . You know your husband's you know mom doesn't ever check on him if something's going on , or whatever .
Speaker 2You have to let those expectations go also , and , just you know , try to always have another perspective and consider how people were raised and what their relationships are like . But then you know , if you do have family that does want to be involved , you do have to , once a month , go to dinner , say okay , on birthdays , this is what we're going to do . We're going to get together on birthdays . Y'all are going to be invited . Find ways to include them , because , even though there's the cleaving away , that doesn't mean , though , that your spouse stops being your in-law's child .
Speaker 2They still want to see them absolutely and you know they've raised them this whole time and been with them this whole time . So they still want to be a part of their life and you don't want to be the reason ever to pull them away or to be jealous , you know , and not allow them to be part of their their parents life anymore right , right .
Speaker 1And I think another thing too when it comes to in-laws , you've got to avoid hot topics . Yeah , you do . You can be the bigger person , and I'll just use this as an example . I'm not trying to be political , other than just to say if you walk in and your in-laws have a Trump sign out front and they are wearing a Trump shirt and they got a Trump hat on and the news is on Fox News , you probably don't want to get into politics .
Speaker 1If you if you are a Democrat or maybe you're RFK independent , you don't . You don't really want to get into that . Who cares ? At the end of the day , we're family . Your opinion is your opinion . You can vote for who you want to vote for . I'm going to vote for who . I want to get into that . Who cares ? At the end of the day , we're family . Your opinion is your opinion . You can vote for who you want to vote for . I'm going to vote for who I want to vote for . We can do whatever we want to do , but at the end of the day , I still got to be your in-law , and so avoid hot topics . If you know there's certain things that's going to set people off , you can be the bigger person .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I would say there you know , life is short and your parents are not going to live forever .
Speaker 1That's right .
Speaker 2There are some things that are not worth the fight , and they are not heels worth dying on , no , and some of those are , you know , politics or just different views on things that don't really matter .
Speaker 2There's different denominations Like we're Baptist and y'all are Methodist , and we don't have to fight about which one of us is going to heaven every time that we're together . There are so many things that are not . This is a thing that I've learned and my kids are probably learning about us . You know , the older your parents get and your in-laws get , you're not changing them probably .
Speaker 1No .
Speaker 2So , like there's no reason to have animosity and divisiveness , like just walk around it and keep going , walk through the hot topic and keep going , sidestep it and move on , walk through the hot topic and keep going , sidestep it and move on .
Speaker 1You know , you just said that and there's something that actually just kind of went off in my mind the older you get , the older our parents get , we get . You're not going to change us , but here's what I've learned . I shut up now . Yeah , I still believe what I believe , I still think the way I think . But I shut up now and I realized that about my dad . My dad is opinionated . I love my dad . He's a tough guy but he's opinionated . But the older he's gotten he shuts up a whole lot more now and I bet he's thinking when we leave oh , he's thinking that's the stupidest bunch of stupid , stupid stuff . But you know what ? No-transcript Life is short . If you want to burn bridges and blow things up all the time and you want to create chaos and you want to have drama in your family all the time , then just keep on . But what you're going to find is , the older you get , the more valuable relationships are .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Because you don't know when those relationships are going to end . You don't know what tomorrow looks like . You know , we buried my cousin Sunday . He was 36 . And nobody said he wouldn't expect it to die , but last Tuesday he died .
Speaker 1And if you had drama like and that's the thing I keep going back to , I think , the value of relationships , even with your in-laws , you don't have to agree , you don't have to agree with everything they say or do , and they don't have to agree with you , but there's such a value in a relationship because that's where change happens . Change happens in relationships . It's not in Facebook posts . I see people posting all the time and you've seen it this past week or two about all the junk . You're not going to change my mind by posting what somebody else said . I don't care , I believe how I believe , I think how I think and I and this is just kind of you know that that stuff but the value of the relationship is I care about whom I'm in interaction with and that's that's powerful . And I do think you also avoid the hot topics . I think another thing is that you had to find some common ground . Um , I will be honest with you . I told you this . It was funny .
Speaker 1I took my two son-in-laws and my son to watch the Grizzlies play . It's been a year or so two years ago maybe and we were on our way to Memphis to watch the Grizzlies play and some new game had come out . I'm a gamer because I grew up in the 80s with Nintendos and Segas and I still play . I'm an NCAA football guy and I still love that stuff . But some game had come out . I don't know what it was , but Son Cade , robbie and Easton were geeking out about this game and I'm lost . I ain't got no clue what they're talking about . It's the most boring dumb stuff to me . But I tried to find some common ground . I would ask questions about it and things like that to try to foster some kind of common ground with with the in-laws .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And I think that's important . But I think I think , finally and we're we're getting toward the end here , but I think one of the things is is that you have to be kind . It costs you zero to be kind . What if they're not kind to you , does not matter . Be kind .
Speaker 1What's the old Roadhouse ? Roadhouse , one of my favorite movies , not the new one . The new one sucks Patrick Swayze , the old one man . He said when he comes in , he's the bouncer . He said look , look , we got to be cool . He said if , if people don't . He said but you got to be nice . He said if , if people won't walk , you walk them , but you be nice . You remember what some one of the guys said . He said well , what if he calls my mama a whore ? And he said well , is she ? He said you got to be nice . And I think it comes back to this you have to be kind in every relationship , especially when it comes to your in-laws , because the in-laws are not naturally inclined they're not naturally inclined to love you because you're not their child . But why do you think that in-laws are motivated to get along with you ?
Speaker 2Well , I think they want to get along with you because they want to maintain until you said they're not naturally motivated .
Speaker 1I'm not saying they can't love you , but that's not natural , because you're not the kid I think it's not always off .
Speaker 2That's it . It's not off the bat . It takes time to develop that . It may take years and years to develop that . So in the meantime , in-laws are going to be motivated to get along with you and they want to get along with you because they want to stay connected to their child and if you have kids , they want to stay connected to their grandkids . So they're not out to always . You know , I've tried to talk from both sides of this today . They're not always out to get you Right . Um , they because they want to be in relationship and to stay in relationship with their kid and to see their grandkids and all those things .
Speaker 1Because I can't imagine not seeing my granddaughter .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And I'm not going to blow that relationship up , because I love her and my grandson , who's going to be born tomorrow . I can't imagine not having a relationship with him , and I'm not willing to burn a bridge with my son-in-law so I don't get to see my daughters anymore . Because I can tell you this more than anything , a woman can take a man away from his family more than a man can take a woman away from hers . Yeah , yeah , I agree with that , so you , need to be careful to blow those relationships up .
Speaker 2Yeah , and again you have to remember you . You know you're not their child . It's taking some time . They want to see how you're going to treat their child and so it takes a little bit of time sometimes for that love to grow and develop to where you are like their own . And I know that your parents love me like their own , I have no doubt I mean like my son . In laws they've , they've that's grown and that's deepened and sometimes I like my son-in-laws better than my daughters Me too , yeah , and I will definitely take up .
Speaker 2I'll tell my daughters like , stop that , Stop that right now , Don't act that way . Quit acting ugly or being ugly . Act right . Absolutely yeah , because I do love my son-in-laws , but it does . It grows , you know , more and more
Navigating Healthy in-Law Relationships
Speaker 2with time .
Speaker 1I think I think so too , and you know , here's the thing that that probably nobody says , but everybody experiences , is that sometimes you feel competitive with the other in-laws because if , if the grandbaby goes over there , well , she doesn't been over there three days , we ain't got to see her , but one day , one day , you know . Or they go over there and eat with her every sunday , but they don't come eat with us on sunday .
Speaker 2You know , and it's that competitiveness man they always hang out with you know their family , or they go on vacations and we are able to do that . Yeah , there is there . Does um become some competitiveness ? Competitiveness , I think , sometimes with them , and probably I I have not really . You know , all my kids live here and so I can't imagine the sting also of if I lived several states away but my kids got to see the you know the other in-laws and spend time with them all the time . And you know that does happen . You know you hate for it to happen , but it does happen .
Speaker 1It does . I mean it absolutely does , but you know , I think that , and we for it to happen , but it does happen . It does , I mean it absolutely does , but you know , I think that , and we're going to talk , one thing that we're actually going to introduce is that we're going to do some live Facebook podcasting from our place downtown , and Mike's going to help us put that together , and one of the things we're going to talk about is being a grandparent .
Speaker 2Yeah grandparent and grandparenting I gathered up lots of information when I put out a Facebook post about that . Lots of like , comments and concerns and like , because I think that there's , even with in-laws , there's things sometimes that you you wish somebody else would say , because you don't . You don't want to burn bridges , you don't want to hurt feelings . So I think you have to talk about this . If you're an in-law , you need to listen to this stuff . If you're , you know , if you are the daughter-in-law , the son-in-law , you need to listen to it , because it just helps strengthen that relationship .
Speaker 1I think so too , and I'll say this from an in-law perspective . You need to be friends with the other in-laws as much as you can , you need to talk to them , you need to be kind to them , you need to have a relationship with them . It doesn't need to be us versus them , right , because that is just poison . It is poison for the relationship , because your grandkids will pick up on that , your son-in-law or your daughter-in-law will pick up on that , and they'll see that there's that block . Now listen , I'm not saying you've got to be best friends and vacation together , because every family is different , but I can tell you there needs to be a modicum of respect for the other in-laws , and you need to , because every family is different . Just because you were , you grew up the the leave it to beaver family , and they grew up like in the wild , like wolves . They still have their own system of life too , and and you have and you have to learn how to coexist .
Speaker 2Yeah , well , you know , like your parents , my mom doesn't have anywhere to go on holidays and I'm the only child . So you know my , my , like my birth order and how the importance of me and my family side is that I'm the only child there's nobody else but me but my mom has nowhere to go on holidays . I'm it , and so your mom , like they do a great job of including my mother , um , to come over for holidays . And this last time , I think , whatever we did last , you know , my mom said that your mom had already texted her and asked her to come over . But you know , and then that makes me feel good and feel even more kind towards my mother-in-law , that she includes my mom .
Speaker 2Yeah , um , because that takes the guilt , the burden and the guilt off me of feeling torn , like , okay , everybody's going to your mom's house for 4th of July , but my mom's going to be sitting at home and , like you know , you feel torn sometimes and so , providing , you know , trying to reach out to the other in-laws and to build those relationships , like it helps your kids too , that nobody has to . They don't have to be stressed out on birthdays of how everybody's going to interact and just different things like that , like it really , it helps . And I know that we're like this Whatever we can do our kids to have strong marriages and to have strong families , we want to do our part in that .
Speaker 1Absolutely , Because I don't want my girls right now . They're the only two that are married out of my four . I don't want them to get a divorce . Yeah , the only two that are married out of my four . I don't want them to get a divorce . I want them to work it out , because I know that 34 years into this thing , I was an idiot back in my twenties and if I had continued to be an idiot and not changed then we wouldn't be married . But I know that what I have now at 52 , I wouldn't trade it . You couldn't give me anything on earth to trade for what I have . But I didn't know that when I was 27 . I didn't know that when I was 33 . And so I want my kids to fight like you know what , to stay married , and I want to be an encouragement to that and make sure that we're part of that , you know .
Speaker 2Which is something that you know , I think that we made a note of is , you know , demonstrate the behavior that you want them to emulate , and that's that's it . Like how and how . What kind of in-laws do we want our kids to be , and grandparents do we want our kids to be ? And so , whatever we're doing now as the in-laws , we're responsible to also still model what that looks like . We , we're raising them , we're trying to model what parents look like and what husband and wife looks like . Now that we're in-laws , we're responsible to emulate . What does it look like to be a strong , healthy in-law in their life ?
Speaker 1And that's not easy . So we're not here to tell you that we perfected that because , look , it's just not easy sometimes , being an in-law , I'm not going to lie to you , but I love them and it's just not easy . And so you do have to work through that and you don't have to make and I think this is the one thing that I took from our early part of our marriage you don't have to make it impossible for your kids . I hated Christmas Because everybody I had to be at your mother's at a certain time . Then I had to go to my mother's and the next day we had to go back to your mother's and then we had to go to my mother's and then we had to go to my grandmother's . And I can tell you as an in-law , you need to let your kids set their own traditions and if they get to be a part of your stuff , great . Your stuff does not supersede their stuff . You need to allow them to build their own family and have their own traditions .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1So what were you going to say ?
Speaker 2You know one thing . I would say that we didn't talk about as much , but don't be the reason that your in-laws don't like your or your parents don't like your spouse . You know there's some things that need to be kept at home . You don't need to tell your mama every fault your husband has , especially if there's some big ones , and you know you're going to work it out and move on . You may forget , y'all may go out on date night , next Friday night and everything's wonderful , but mama didn't forget and daddy didn't forget . So you don't need to tell your mom and them everything that happens in your house if you know it's going to put your spouse in a bad way because again you forgive and forget .
Speaker 2You're married to them . You're supposed to . You're supposed to figure out how to make it work , but don't make it to where mom and daddy's got a side eye your spouse at lunch because you overshared stuff that you didn't need to be oversharing about . Like , don't don't make things , don't always talk about all the negative things . Your mom and daddy don't need to be who you vent to about every issue you have with your spouse . You got to find a girlfriend at work that's going to take it to her grave . Your mom and daddy don't need to be who you do that to .
Speaker 1No , because that is not a healthy thing . It's not Because I can tell you as a father , your father as a daughter if you tell your father stuff , he's constantly thinking of how he can create a trip and fall situation for his son-in-law . You know what I'm saying ? Because they're still your dad and they still see you as small and they still see you as somebody they've got to protect and they want to give him a headbutt or give him an elbow to the . So you need to be smart and not let your parents be your parents , not your confidants .
Speaker 1Now , there , there , there's a there's a caveat to some of that . You do , you know if you need help , there's things like that that you can share . But if your husband or wife is just making you mad , shut up , keep it to yourself . Don't tell your mama , because your mama's going to tell everybody else , not that you do , but your mama's going to tell every sibling and everybody else . Your daddy's not going to say it , he's just going to think it . So you've got to be careful , yeah , and so I think that , as we get ready to finish , any final words here about in-laws .
Speaker 2Nope , love them , be kind .
Speaker 1Yep , absolutely . I think that's it . I think the bottom line is it costs zero to be kind . You can be the bigger person and be kind and , especially if you're a Christian , you got God on the inside of you . You have the ability to be kind , and that's what matters . It's the goodness of God that leads men to repentance , it's not you always having to speak your mind or your attitude or your opinion Right , amen , yep , good stuff , good stuff . Hey , thank you so much for listening . Listen , yep , go ahead .
Speaker 2Marriage conference . We have a marriage conference in September . I think that's the 6th and the 7th Excited about that . If you're interested , there's links in the bottom . This is our second annual one . Last year was phenomenal . We're building off that and we would love for you to be a part .
Speaker 1Absolutely , Absolutely Be looking for that . Thank you so much for listening . Hey , listen , if you are going in a direction you want to go , find a group of people that are going where you want to go and hop in the flow with them and you'll get where you're going . Thanks so much for listening and have a great morning .
