Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
What’s in your cup?
Have you ever felt like your emotions were overflowing, impacting every part of your life, including your relationships? Our latest episode on the Hustle Flow podcast uncovers the concept of the "emotional cup" and how it plays a pivotal role in the dynamics of marriage and family life. Through touching stories, like our granddaughter's emotional struggles with school changes and a new cousin, we reveal that even the youngest among us can experience emotional overload. Discover the importance of managing negative emotions and how they can affect intimacy and overall marital health. We also give you a sneak peek into our upcoming marriage conference, which promises to explore these topics even further.
Negative emotions can manifest physically in alarming ways—think sleep disturbances, anxiety attacks, and even more severe health issues like high blood pressure and ulcers. Tune in as we unpack the draining effects of negativity on your energy and concentration, and how it can lead to escape mechanisms such as overworking or social media addiction. By recognizing these symptoms early, you can take action to restore well-being and intimacy in your relationship. We delve into the cycle of escapism and highlight the importance of addressing a full emotional cup to prevent controlling behaviors and loss of affection.
Our discussion doesn't stop at identifying the problems; we offer practical solutions for restoring emotional harmony in your marriage. From open communication and mutual understanding to the transformative power of genuine forgiveness, you'll gain insight into the common emotional dynamics between men and women. We emphasize the necessity of owning one's part in conflicts and focusing on the positive traits of your partner. Finally, we aim to inspire those facing marital difficulties by sharing stories of resilience and the profound impact of aligning with positive influences. Join us for an uplifting and informative conversation that could transform your relationship.
Hey, good morning. Good morning, this is Brad and I'm with my wife, tiffany. Good morning, tiffany, good morning. We are the host of the Hustle Flow podcast and just coming to you this morning we're going to be talking about your emotional cup and if you're married man, you're going to understand this one, because your emotional cup can get filled up real quick, real quick, and we're going to talk about how that affects your life and how it affects your marriage and how, maybe, to empty that and kind of work through and find some positive emotions. But, hey, what's anything happening in your way tiff? What's going on, anything specific that we uh, I've just we've had so much going on that we can just filter through a whole bunch yeah, still a lot of indoor activities because it's still hot.
Speaker 2:we had those three days that felt great and now I think it's back to. We had those three days that felt great and now I think it's back to like maybe 97 today. You know, I care about the weather all the time. I realize that I'm the whatever insurance company that is that helps old people not act as old. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I saw myself in the guy that was looking out the window at the weather. But it's an interesting day. We're talking about emotional cup and how it correlates to marriage, but we were talking about her granddaughter's emotional cup with Pastor Mike, our visit with her last night and even at two and a half. Her little emotional cup is full of negative emotions. Right now she's changed schools and she's not dealing with it well and her little emotional cup is overflowing with some of the things we'll talk about today, with all the big emotions and she's a big emotion girl to begin with.
Speaker 1:She's bigger than life and like I mean, she is like her mother, her mother. I remember one time we were out of town and we asked a friend of ours to stay with him. He thought that Dixie was rehearsing for a play. What it was is just her having her big emotion, he said I thought she was rehearsing for some play at school, but so she's like her mom. Uh, she's like her. Her grandmother, um, I'm not sure about the other grandmother exactly how, how big emotion she has, but I know you have big emotion too and but yeah, she's experiencing a world of change at two and a half and and it's uh, it's taking, taking a rather sweet I don't say mild-mannered, but a sweet girl and turned her into she's spicy.
Speaker 2:I told her last night. I kept telling her she was spicy. She kept saying I'm not spicy. I said, oh, you are yes, that's it.
Speaker 1:That's it she's. It's taking that sweet girl and turned her into a spicy girl because she's not dealing with the change.
Speaker 2:Then the other change is that we have a new grandbaby.
Speaker 1:Yes, we do.
Speaker 2:But she has a new cousin and she does not like him. No At all. It's funny. We've tried twice to introduce her and neither time. So I'm kind of like of the opinion of like let's ease back and let her do this at her pace.
Speaker 1:but well, she was more interested in petting the cat the other night than than talking to her cousin. Yeah and uh. We asked her do you like your cousin? She said no, no. I said okay. I said well, here, touch jb, and she would not, but now take that back. She did, because we said if you'll touch him you can have a gummy bear. So she kind of like petted him real quick so she could get her gummy bear and that's really all she cared about. I got a picture of me holding her the other night and holding JB in my other arm and I think I took five pictures. Somebody did and you can see in every picture she is going opposite from him trying to get away because it's like so yeah, a lot of change, great change for us. We got a new grandson, john Bradford and two weeks old, yesterday Doing great Mom's doing great Fun. Change for them. Mom loves to sleep and she's not getting a whole lot of that.
Speaker 2:She said he's getting up every two hours. I said that's all.
Speaker 1:Wow, that's pretty impressive, but he's starting to wake up. He was three weeks early, but man, he's starting to wake up. His big old eyes are looking around, but anyway. So we want to jump in this morning and talk about your emotional cup. Now tell me, give me some background about, maybe, where this come from, our experience with it, and let's just jump in there.
Speaker 2:Well, I think the emotional cup, for one thing, this is something we're talking about in the marriage classes that we're doing on Wednesday night. This will be what we'll talk about next. So it's fresh on our our mind right now, and I'm excited about the marriage conference that we have coming up september the sixth, uh, fifth and sixth sixth and seventh.
Speaker 2:Sixth and seventh, friday and saturday that doesn't sound friday night, saturday morning but um, you know, um, because the emotional cup can determine how you interact with your spouse and your intimacy level. And we're talking about intimacy right now in our marriage classes on Wednesday nights. But your emotional cup can affect your intimacy level with your spouse.
Speaker 2:I was thinking about this a second ago, I wonder. You know, I wonder too if we have different size cups. Like some people, I wonder if they have a really small cup. It doesn't take a lot, but, like if some people have the big gulp cup, the 32 ounce, and maybe even as marriage grows your cup can get bigger. Like what filled up my cup negatively five years deep in marriage doesn't fill up my cup now at 30, 33 years in marriage. So I think your cup can, definitely your capacity for your cup of like negative stuff can, can grow. But um, yeah, we're going to be talking about the overflow of whether it's filled up negatively, with negative emotions, or whether it's filled up with positive emotions and kind of how you can identify that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know, that's actually a good thought and I'm glad you brought that up, thinking about different size cups, because I think that's right. I think the more you're married, the longer you are married or the longer you go through things together and you work through experiences, you work through issues, you work through loss, you work through problems, I think that it does expand your cup and I think that when you're first married, unless you have really good premarital counseling and listen, I'm going to say this, we need good premarital counseling. And listen, I'm going to say this, we need good premarital counseling. If you're getting married, you need to go find people who are qualified and let somebody talk to you about being married. And it's not they're trying to get up in your business, it's that they're trying to save you heartache.
Speaker 1:But, that being said, most people don't do premarital counseling. They look and they fawn over how good you look in a pink body glove jumpsuit. That was us. I liked how you had the pink body glove jumpsuit. I wish you still had it. Oh my gosh. Oh man, I don't. Well, I do, but anyway that. Or your cat suit, but anyway, I digress, I'm going backwards, but I think that when you're first married. That cup is real small. It's more like if you drink espresso.
Speaker 2:It's more like espresso, like it's that two ounce dopey old cup. It's like that little mouthwash cup that they have in Chick-fil-A, and I think why I thought that is because this is. I heard this this week. So somebody that has been married a very short amount of time was talking about their jealousy and they have just enraging jealousy and they were in a restaurant and their spouse's ex was there and they couldn't even eat their food and they've been married a few years and so my thought, being married at 33 years, is that if I now and I know I was jealous and we were married because I remember that, remember how jealous I was when you were going to icc and that whole day, like it was a terrible, oh no yeah, that's a.
Speaker 1:That's a defining moment in my life.
Speaker 2:I remember that ex-girlfriend that went to icc and there's just no way she could be on the same campus as you when we were first married. But I thought the last time when I was talking to these people I was thinking now, if we're in a restaurant and your ex is there, I would invite them over, share our appetizer, and I'm not going to lose a second of like not eating my food, for sure that's not going to waste. And so I was just thinking about that, about, yes, your cup, I think, can be bigger, because you know we'll talk about jealousy is one of the overflows of of anger from your, from your cup being full of negative emotions, anger from your cup being full of negative emotions.
Speaker 1:But you know my capacity now for some of that is very, very large as to where my cup was a lot smaller back then. Yeah, and I'm not losing food over your ex. No, I can tell you right now, if your ex is cooking the steak, I'm going to eat it. And I mean you might say, hey, bro, come over here and sit down, let's talk, but like I'm going to eat it and I mean you might say, hey, bro, come over here and sit down, let's talk, but like I'm not going to turn food down because somebody else cooked it. So yeah, yeah, I'm not that, I'm not that person anymore, but so so all right, so let's just jump in, let's let's talk about, let's talk about your emotional capacity. We've just been kind of been talking about that there. But you can only hold so much emotion before it spills out. Now tell me a little, tell me, tell me your thought on that particular thing, that you can only hold so much. It goes back to the size.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, but well, your, your cup, like like we're saying like if you're filling it up negatively with your spouse, it can be from a little bit of oh. You know he or she didn't notice this. Or you know I've been trying to get their attention and they've been on their phone a lot lately. You know we've not had a date night in forever and I'm always the one that plans it. You know we had plans to do something and you know he or she changed them to go do something with their mom and them or their friends or with somebody else. So those little things and there's big things too sometimes but those little things they layer and they layer and they layer. When we're not resolving them until eventually it is going to spill out and it's going to overflow, right For sure.
Speaker 2:Now your cup can be full with positive stuff too. When things are going great and we all have those seasons. Then it's layered with oh my gosh, I got a surprise gift. You know he knows that's my favorite candy bar and he brought it home. Or you know he planned a surprise dinner out. He knows I love it when he picks up his hats and I don't have to see them. And there's not a hat, you know, in sight, because that's, you know, that bothers me, we've talked about that so many times and so those things can fill the cup up positively. So if your cup is full positively, then of course you're going to have an overflow of love and joy and peace and harmony in your relationship. Love and joy and peace and harmony in your relationship.
Speaker 2:But going back to the negative, which is what we'll talk about a lot today, because you don't really need to fix it. There's no fix or work through necessarily when it is full of the positive stuff no-transcript, I mean you can only hold on to so much of that stuff before it's filled up. Negative. Now, like for I know, for me, at times those little things will fill it up, but you can have something big to fill it up all at once, of course, such as Such. As you know, we talked about the fire emojis. You put a fire emoji on somebody, something, or you know something like that. You, you know you make a promise to me and you break it. Like some of those big things can fill it up all at once, I think.
Speaker 1:How about an affair?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was thinking fair.
Speaker 1:We'll fill your cup up quick.
Speaker 2:You know some people are going to say, well no, that just destroys the cup or whatever. But yes, I think an affair you know, breaking confidence lies, those kind of things can definitely fill it up fast.
Speaker 1:I think so too. You know, as you were talking there, we were talking about that you can fill it with fast. I think so too. I. You know, as you were talking there, we're talking about having that you can fill it with positive emotions too. But if you think of the concept, a lot of the time most people who have this cup and we all have the emotional cup okay, but if you never empty the cup, then what you have is you have positive emotion on top of a bunch of negative emotion, and so you may get if it spills over, let's just say it tips just a little. Well, if you have positive emotion on top of the negative, you may get a little positive emotion. You may say you know what, that's cool, we're good. You may get a little positive emotion and may say you know what, that's cool, we're good.
Speaker 1:But if the cup is tipped too much, then all of a sudden all the positive that you've put and deposited on top of it is going to be eroded, because it's all the stuff in the cup that's coming out.
Speaker 1:And so I think today we really need to kind of just dive in and talk about emptying the negative part of the emotion because it's easy to put positive stuff in.
Speaker 1:You know, if we're we're, we're gelling, we're jamming, you know we're getting along and and you're, you're being nice and I'm being nice and I thank you for so much for doing this and thank you for so much for doing that and I love you and you look great and you smell great and life is good and I. That's easy to put that in the cup because and you know this, we've Whenever your marriage is good, it's easier for your marriage to be good. But when you are filled with negative emotion in your cup, even if you have positive things you're depositing in, it goes back to your emotional capacity. If it's already full and you only have an inch worth left in your cup of positive emotion, you've got a lot of stuff underneath that you've got to work out. Yeah, because if your cup is full of unhealthy emotions, um, you've got a lot of stuff underneath that you got to got to work out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause I mean, if your cup is full of unhealthy emotions, the overflow is bitterness, resentment, anger, guilt, fear, anxiety. So when you have all that, just like you were saying yes, if when you have that, those symptoms do prevent you from feeling positive emotions, because you can have that positive stuff that is also being put in there, but you're blocked from being able to experience that because of the unhealthy emotions that your cup is full of emotions, that your cup is full of, yeah, and I think too, like you've got to and we're going to talk about how to empty that cup.
Speaker 1:But you've really got to identify. Have you ever just I mean said something out of line to your spouse? And it had nothing to do with what they just did, but it was because something was eating at you on the inside. And all of a sudden, well, but it was because something was eating at you on the inside and all of a sudden, well, I call it emotional vomit. You just emotionally vomit all over your spouse and they're like what the heck, where did this come from? You're like, well, you know, if you were nicer and it's really got nothing to do with them. It's that you've got your cup full of whatever is driving you that you've not emptied. You know and you think about some of the side effects of having an emotional cup that's full of negativity. You know, one of the things that can happen is sleep or appetite disturbance. You know, if you're full of negativity, it's hard to sleep or it's hard to eat. Just like the person we were talking about, I can't eat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's a life. I can't imagine which part? Appetite disturbance. There's not much that's ever disturbed my appetite, I'm just not wired that way. But sleep, yeah, you know, people say sleepless nights. I couldn't sleep last night because this is all I thought about. I mean that happens. Physical symptoms of, you know, anxiety attacks, ulcers, blood pressure.
Speaker 1:I'll go one for men erectile dysfunction, because whenever you have negative emotion and it gets it's there, it can cause your body to not perform well, even in the bedroom. So then that causes its own host of problems.
Speaker 2:So there's physical symptoms yeah, there's definitely physical symptoms associated with this. You know negative overflow and stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it just eats. You know it eats at you and if you don't empty it, uh, loss of energy concentration. You know, you just kind of aimlessly wander around and I'm tired today, oh, I'm so tired and I'm tired and I get tired. Do you ever get tired? Yeah, but every day I'm not tired. You know, I, I'm like our granddaughter I'm not tired, I'm not tired, I'm not tired Every day. You know, if you find yourself there, then you've got to realize that maybe there's some emotion that's tied to that that's driving you to keep you tired.
Speaker 2:I think that negativity is draining. I think it does drain you and it exhausts you, but on the other hand, you know, I think when you're full of positive stuff and the joy from that, it can fuel you, even when you may even be tired or have a reason to be tired. But I do think it's draining when you're.
Speaker 1:Well, you think about negative people. Yeah, negative people are draining, yeah, and it's just like the drag on the economy man, it's like the wet blanket. You know what I mean. You remember Saturday Night Live? It's Pat. Oh yeah, oh my gosh, and who was it? I can see her, but anyway, whatever you said, she would always say the negative part to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that wasn't it no, no.
Speaker 1:I can see her, but you part to it. No, no, I can see her, but you know what I'm saying. And it was just like the drag on the economy and and do we all? Does everybody? Can I tell you that I walk around every day and I'm just high-fiving everybody and just kicking it man, it's all good, I'm positive, no, I'm not. There's days that, there's days that I suck, there's days that I'm not positive, I have negative attitude. And you'll tell me, hey, you're being negative, and I'm like, no, I'm not. Yes, you are, and I'm like, no, I'm not, you know. So then I realized, yes, you are, you're being negative, and so, but it's a dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, you can also find yourself, I think and this one probably is. You know a lot of us. Even sometimes you know me like I can definitely see some of this you escape into work or drugs, affairs, pornography. I know that work has always been my, you know, since I've suffered from being a workaholic. It's your drug of choice? Yes, it is, and so it is very easy for me to escape into that. And since my job is a job that I don't say have to work, you know all my waking hours. I get to work. You know any of my waking hours. I can to work. You know any of my waking hours. I can indulge myself in that whenever I feel like it. So, but it is, it's easy to escape into, you know. Of course social media is a huge escape tool now, but you can find yourself just escaping Right.
Speaker 1:Right, depression, you know that's another thing and I'm not saying please don't misunderstand I'm not saying that everybody who's depressed is because it's all the negative emotion that has affected them. There's clinical depression, things like that that are legitimate. I'm just saying that these are some things Quick temper, impatience. I never have that Like I'm easygoing, quiet, like I'm long-suffering. I don't ever. I'm never quick-tempered or impatient.
Speaker 2:That's not true.
Speaker 2:But what these things are is to say like if you find yourself more quick-tempered, snapping at your kids, snapping at you know, fast food workers, snapping at anybody, the dog more often and more quickly than you normally do, than it is, it's a symptom. If you have a symptom and you have a fever, it's a symptom of something. So that's what these things are they're symptoms of something. So you have to do the checkup and go okay, what's going on here? Maybe it's my cup. My cup's full. I've got to empty my cup. Controlling behavior being obsessive, compulsive. I don't know why you're laughing.
Speaker 1:You know why I'm laughing? You're not compulsive, you're obsessive. So those two words together, but you are the obsessive I can be obsessive, yes, but my obsessive is because I'm obsessive.
Speaker 2:It's not because I'm mad or angry or have a full cup.
Speaker 1:Okay, loss of affection and romance.
Speaker 2:And you would think well, that's just a given, Not really, Not necessarily yeah.
Speaker 1:So those are just some symptoms, like what happens when your emotions are full of negative energy, negative emotion, your cup's full. You know, when your emotional needs aren't met, you will not experience intimacy. If they're not met, you're going to find disappointment, pain, loss. But what happens when you get your needs met emotionally?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean you. It's like you're back grooving and you can experience intimacy again because you'll, you'll go through those, that, that stage of just feeling like you're not connected and like you're not on the same page, and that that is a symptom too of you know, the overflow of the negative emotions.
Speaker 1:But we're talking about. Sometimes you're not on the same page. There's sometimes you're not even in the same book. Yeah like and, and it really just bleeds over that unmet needs, like they're masked in anger, you know, and you just go crazy. But I like this. It's easier to be angry than admit we're hurt. Why, why do you think that is? Why is it easier just to be mad all the time?
Speaker 2:Well, I don't necessarily look at it like that. It's just easier. I think that we don't want to be vulnerable sometimes and tell our spouse you know, you try to suck it up or you maybe try to move on, but realize you're just not moving on because you don't want to be vulnerable and say like, hey, that really hurt me or that really bothered me. Because, going back to you know emotional needs being unmet. We all have emotional needs and you know you said they're disappointment, pain and loss If you didn't meet my needs because of you disappointed me, because you broke a promise. Or pain because you hurt me and you lied to me. Or loss because you no longer are affectionate towards me or you're not giving me, you know, attention and you're not prioritizing me.
Speaker 2:Those emotional needs being unmet definitely turn into this. You know this anger that we use as a tool instead of saying, hey, I really miss, you know, time that we had together and you putting me at the bottom of the you know the shelf now, instead of the top of the shelf, has hurt me and it's wounded me. Or hey, like you've been telling me, we're going to do this and we're going to do that, and then you always find something else to do and you break promises to me. Or you know you lied to me. You told me that you weren't going to do this again and you did it. Or you know you told me this didn't happen, but it did. Instead of just talking about those things and being honest and saying you know it did hurt me or it did bother me, instead we just mask it and it does become anger, and then that's the overflow of all the stuff.
Speaker 1:But you know anger. I think when you say anger, people think, well, that's just people being unhinged, they're just mad and ranting and raving and whatever. And that's not just that. There's many forms of anger. You know anger is a quick temper. You know, if you're quick tempered, that's just the way I am. My daddy was that way. Well, your daddy was angry about something that his emotional cup was full of, some negative stuff that he didn't deal with. So I don't care. If you know generational stuff is passed on, why don't you undo it? You know, if daddy was quick tempered, you don't have to be quick tempered. You can be meek, mild, you can be long-suffering and you can learn how to do something different. You know jealousy you talked a little bit about that that anger can come out in jealousy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, I mean and especially like, if you don't feel like you're getting very much attention and that you're not priority, then you can become jealous of not even just people in your spouse's life, but the things they do, their work, their hobbies. I want to say this you can be jealous of your husband's or your wife's ministry, because sometimes that's not put in its proper ministry and is not put in its proper place.
Speaker 1:We've dealt with that. We'll just be honest and transparent. We've dealt with that. Yeah, I mean, you know, we'll just be honest and transparent. We've dealt with that. It is a and I think it goes back to sometimes we confuse God and church and you don't know what am I supposed to do? I got to be a good boy or a good girl. I got to do the things of God, because God's gonna be mad at me if I don't do this. And God's up there thinking, hey, come on, bro, pay attention to your husband, pay attention to your wife. That's priority, you know. So I think you're right. Jealousy, I think impatience.
Speaker 2:You know, we know of somebody that on their birthday dinner they went and was out in the foyer on the phone the whole time and they were talking to a church member because their daughter was dating a boy that they didn't like and they were getting serious and they ditched their spouse at their birthday dinner for that. So if I'm the spouse birthday, I'm I'm now, yeah, I'm creating. You know, my cup is very full and I am jealous of the people in the church that get my spouse's time instead of me on some, you know, an occasion like that Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so anger. Anger has many forms. It's not just random raving and and being unhinged like, uh, Russell Crowe Remember the movie unhinged, where he went in and tried to kill everybody. So it's not that it takes many forms because it comes from the emotion and the negative emotion that's in your cup that you've not emptied. So how do you resolve it?
Speaker 2:I think you have to identify the hurt, identify what it is. When you see yourself acting out in some of these ways, being jealous or being quick tempered or withholding affection, whatever it is, I think you have to identify the hurt and say, okay, what, what is it here? Is it one thing? Is it three things? And you've got to empty those negative feelings out and look for resolve. You've got to go to your spouse and say, okay, this is where I'm at. I'm seeing these things in myself and I do not like them. But I've identified where it's coming from and we need to talk. Nobody likes to hear, we need to talk. But you got to say from and we need to talk. Nobody likes to hear, we need to talk. But you got to say hey, we need to talk I'm going to disagree.
Speaker 1:I I think that women don't mind. We need to talk. Men despise.
Speaker 2:We need to talk is there a better way to? Is there something y'all would prefer?
Speaker 1:more. You know that's a great question. I don't know that that's ever been posed in the history of men.
Speaker 2:It's probably, I mean maybe, but like what would you prefer?
Speaker 1:Because you know the old joke is if your wife says we need to talk, you're like oh my gosh, I'm in trouble now. But if you tell your wife, hey, we need to talk, she can say oh no, we don't. And then you're like I don't, guess we do, you know, so I don't know. It's a good question. How could you phrase that differently? Because I'm going to tell you if your wife and men can identify with this, if your wife comes to you and says, hey, we need to talk, you automatically know it's not good, it could not. It could just be that, hey, you, you know, I don't really like going to that restaurant, let's do something different. But in a man it strikes fear because they're like here we go, here we go so it's you automatically think well, if mama ain't happy, nobody ain't happy, and well no no, you automatically, you automatically, you automate.
Speaker 1:your mind automatically tells you mama's not happy. Yeah, and I've screwed it up again. And here we go and I'm going to have to take my lumps and I'm in trouble and it's going to be bad, and I'm telling you that's you know, I would say to that just don't get in trouble, like stay out of trouble. You ever met men.
Speaker 2:But I'm being honest, that really strikes fear in men is that we need to talk because you, because this is the way I think of it because I love, I do not mind confrontation, I love to always keep the air clear. I don't think that your confrontation has to be ugly or mean. I just never mind to clear the air and because I feel like it makes things better. I don't like a cup, and so the way I think of it is when your spouse says, hey, I need to talk, or we got to talk, or let's talk, it's that they are invested enough in the relationship and they care enough about the relationship that they want their cup to be emptied out with any things they have against you. I mean the Bible, you know. The Bible even says you got to go to somebody when they when they mess up.
Speaker 2:Right, but they care enough and they're invested in a relationship that they want to go back to harmony and to peace and to gelling with you and vibing with you and have an intimacy with you, and so this is actually an opportunity for you to do better next time. If you did mess it up, you know it's an opportunity.
Speaker 1:That's what? No, and trust me, I see that, I do see that. And and if men could grab a hold of that concept is that most, and not everybody's that way, some women are not that way, but for the most part, that your wife wants to make things better and clear the air with you. But most men don't think that way. Most men, and it's no excuse, okay, it's not an excuse. Most men are under immense pressure. They lay awake at night.
Speaker 1:Uh, how am I going to pay this? How am I going to take care of this? How am I going to not let down the people who depend on me? How? I'm telling you, man, it's like that's. Men think that kind of way. And so one more thought of I've let my wife down. One more thought of how am I going to now hold up all the pillars of my life? And then, on top of that, the most important person in my life is is is got problems too. Men had. I'm just telling you and this sounds crazy, but men rather walk out in traffic and try to dodge traffic than have a conversation sometimes. But I do think you're right. I think you have to have that conversation. You have to identify the hurt.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, okay. So, bouncing off of what you said, you said men hate that because of all the other pressures they have. But here's the thing. You said men hate that because of all the other pressures they have, but here's the thing. Who normally is a man's safe place? Yeah, normally. So it really, in the long run, is beneficial when you can get the air cleared and the whatever. Then you're back in harmony and you can come home. And there's something about a woman in a rooftop or I don't know, I can't remember. You always mess up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean the scripture you're talking about. I'd just rather be easier to dwell on a rooftop than with a contentious woman.
Speaker 2:Okay. So when you've got peace in your marriage again, then that can be a safe, soft place for you when you're coming in from all those pressures of the world. So yeah, I confess it and you know. And then I'm big on owning your part. I had a family member that went through the steps of AA and we talked a lot about that person. They would, they would say I've got to own my part in this. So sometimes you've got to own your part too, even if I'm coming to you and saying, hey, when you told me we were going to play pickleball saturday, but then you forgot and told your bros, y'all go meet, you know, and and play golf or whatever, like you know, you let me down and and then you know if my part was, you said, well, you said that you'd like to go, but we didn't actually make plans that I would have to own my part. Well, I did say that. Or you know, whatever, right, but own your part.
Speaker 2:And then you've got to forgive. You do, and forgive means you've got to let it go. Forgive means you've got to absolutely empty that cup out. Though I was talking to somebody else, because in the marriage class we were even talking about different things and we talked to other married couples and they said well, I keep going back to the past and I keep bringing up the past. So you've got you. You're hurting yourself and you're hurting your marriage when you do not completely empty out the cup and you keep old things hanging around in the bottom of the cup.
Speaker 1:And I think that's it. I think that's a really good place to end on is that you have to completely forgive. It's not partial forgiveness If your spouse comes to you in a true spirit of saying, look, I hear you, I hear what I've done to you and I am sorry. Genuine repentance, genuine, I'm sorry. Not, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Like, don't do a woman, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's not funny. Yeah, I know that's our joke. But uh, you know, really, really say, look, I'm sorry I hurt you and and confess it and forgive it, just start over the clean slate. No, don't collect grievances and think I'm just gonna keep a few of these. I'm just gonna keep a few of these burrs this gonna be good.
Speaker 2:I'll use this one next time.
Speaker 1:you know if you've ever had a bird in your foot or anything like that. Like a bone spur, it's obnoxious. So grievances are like bone spurs, it's just obnoxious. You have to let all of it go, empty the cup and give your dingle-headed husband a chance to fill it up with some positive stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you know, remember, we are supposed to be Christlike and imitate Christ. If God forgets our junk, then who are we to keep hanging on to each other's? We've got to let it go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's not easy. So what we're telling you is that this is not an easy concept, but you do have to realize that you have an emotional cup. But your partner also has one as well, and so when you're seeing things that are hanging out there that just maybe aren't characteristic of who that person really is, you need to think, okay, hey, what's in their cup? Let's see if we can figure out, get to the bottom of it and empty this junk out so we can get back to jamming again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Feel your positive cup up with remembering all the great things about your spouse that you love. You know, even when you do something that frustrates me, I think, okay, like this man goes out of his way to help me. He, he knows when I'm struggling and picks up the slack. He asked me every single day, like how are you today? How's your blood pressure?
Speaker 1:That's the recently he asked me three times a day.
Speaker 2:Like what you'll ask me, what do you need for me today? And like I don't take those things for granted. Gratitude for your spouse can fill your cup up with positive stuff quicker than you can imagine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Hey, good stuff. I'm going to tell you that was the best part of the podcast. Right, there is the last part. I mean, it really really was, and so thank you so much for listening this morning. Hey, listen, I'm telling you your marriage is paramount. God wants your marriage to succeed. Well, you don't know what we've been through, I don't, but I can tell you right now you can turn this thing around and, and and. Just go to your, go to your spouse, and, and have genuine forgiveness and you'll see some amazing things happen. Hey, listen, if you, you are struggling today, find somebody who's going in the direction you want to go, hop in the flow with them and you'll see your life change. Thank you so much for listening this morning. Y'all have a great day. I've been wanting this forever. I've been in the field with whatever they throw at me Brush it off, pick myself up, moving on to the better. Ain't no errors, baby, it's a new era. I wake up early, feeling rich, like I'm Kesha.
