Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
Embracing Discomfort for Personal Growth and Maturity
What if embracing discomfort could be the key to unlocking your potential at any age? With Season 2 of the Hustle Flow podcast, we're diving into the exhilarating world of personal growth and maturity. This episode kicks off with my recent adventures— from pounding the pavement in a half marathon in Starkville, Mississippi, to stepping under the bright lights of local theater with a role in "Steel Magnolias." At 51, I've learned that staying active and challenging myself is crucial, and it’s never too late to keep striving for more. We've got some humorous takes on the uncertainties of retirement and the government's role in our financial futures, but beneath the laughter lies a serious call to keep our dreams alive.
Ever noticed how your reactions change with time? We explore how personal growth and maturity can transform our communication, leading to more thoughtful and constructive interactions. We talk about learning to process information differently, choosing when and where to express our thoughts for maximum impact, and the importance of pausing before responding. These skills not only help avoid unnecessary conflicts but also strengthen relationships, providing valuable insights for anyone looking to improve their personal interactions. It’s all about choosing growth over complacency and embracing the journey of maturation.
Our discussion also covers forming and nurturing healthy relationships, managing stress, and viewing constructive criticism as a stepping stone to personal development. We explore the significance of setting boundaries and the power of saying "no" to protect your well-being. There's also a focus on delaying gratification for long-term fulfillment, highlighting patience and hard work as keys to a rewarding life. Through personal stories and reflections, we emphasize that while growing up isn’t always easy, it ultimately leads to a more relaxed and enjoyable life. Join us as we embark on this journey together, discovering joy in new challenges and lifelong connections.
Hey, good morning. Good morning, this is Brad and I'm with my wife, tiffany. Good morning, tiffany, good morning. Hey, we are the host of the Hustle Flow podcast. We are here coming to you season two. We finished up season one last year, had a great time doing that getting to share content, getting to know the audience and had some good feedback. So we're back for season two and really hope that this year that we can bring some good content to you, some good topics, and I'm excited about that.
Speaker 1:Today we're actually going to delve into maturity, growing up. So one of the things that you hear sometimes is you need to grow up, and then most of the time, the comment back is no, you need to grow up, and so we're going to talk about maturity. We're going to talk about maturity. We're going to talk about growth and maybe what that looks like and and hopefully this, this session, will help you maybe find some ways to to grow a little bit. So, uh, what man it's been it's been a minute since we've been on the microphone. So what's been happening in your world? Man did tell me what. Uh, I know a lot, but but tell me where you're at.
Speaker 2:Oh, just chasing goals, chasing grandkids and doing all the things.
Speaker 1:All the things. What does that look like, though? Tell me your most recent accomplishment.
Speaker 2:That would have been Saturday. The half marathon in Starkville, mississippi, that is not God's country. God's country is Oxford, mississippi, obviously. But uh, yeah, I'm just kidding, but yeah, that was. That was interesting. I'd been warned about all the hills over there and didn't underestimated the hills over there. So that was an interesting half marathon. They put on a good race, that was good. So that was. That was most recent accomplishment. Of course I'm. I'm doing something new, jumped out We'll probably talk about that at some point but always just trying to do new things because I'm I'm 51.
Speaker 2:So it's not time to stop. It's time to keep going and keep checking things off the list and sometimes even checking things off the list that are not on the list. I've auditioned for a role in a local theater and got a role in Steel Magnolias and that is absolutely uncharted territory for me. So that's been interesting and it's been interesting seeing if my 51-year-old brain can memorize things. Brain can memorize things. So I thought about I really, really give kudos to people who go back to school late in life because it is. It's something when you're trying to remember things that you've got to remember when your brain is not in its 20s anymore. So yeah, man, my hat's off to people who go back to school late to either further their education or do something new, because it's not easy.
Speaker 1:No, it's not and that. But you said something that was really interesting is that at 51, it's not time to stop, right. And I was talking to somebody the other day and their, their, their kids were talking about when are y'all going to, when are y'all going to retire, when are y'all going to give that up? You know at what point are you going to give this thing up. And I told you, I said you know, I don't ever want to feel that way, that there's a finish line for me, that if I can make it to 65, and maybe the government gives me some money, maybe they don't, I don't know, but I don't want to finish Like. I want to continue to run and continue to race and continue to pursue and achieve things and and have goals and dreams and visions out in front of us. And I like that. And the only way you do that.
Speaker 1:I saw this thing on Facebook and I really love it. It says that comfort is a slow death. Choose pain, love it. It says that comfort is a slow death, choose pain. And I, you know, for me, I want to choose things that are uncomfortable, not necessarily always painful things. Now, you and I are different. I like painful things. I like things that are going to hurt me, whatever reason, I don't know, it's just weird. But whether whether the pain is actual physical discomfort or just being uncomfortable with something that is out of the realm of, what you would normally do.
Speaker 1:I think that's where we want to be, especially in our 50s. I like where we are and I like the fact that you continue to pursue goals. So that's what that looks like. Let's just jump in today. You know this is so off topic. Let's do it.
Speaker 2:But you were just saying about when the government gives you money. I don't know if I should be embarrassed, because other people may know this. How do you know how much money you're getting? Is it 65? Is that when they give you money?
Speaker 1:You want the truth? I have no idea.
Speaker 2:This is terrible. I have no idea. Now I feel like I've got to find out this information you may know that, and if you do, that's awesome.
Speaker 1:I have no idea. Um, my idea is to not ever quit and finish.
Speaker 2:My idea is to continue to pursue things well I know, but I'm still like is this a given that they're going to give us that we turn an age and they get? They start sending us money.
Speaker 1:It's based on like given yeah, I mean there's probably a cap on it, but I I you know.
Speaker 2:I think it's based on how much you have made over the years well, I'm gonna write them a letter when that time comes and tell them how much I feel like I need, and then let's see if that's something they'll. They'll send up the ladder and approve.
Speaker 1:I doubt it, I, I doubt it. So anyway, let's hop in. This morning that was a really off topic.
Speaker 2:But that's something we need to know.
Speaker 1:Then why don't you do that? Report back to us in the next segment. We'll find out how much you're going to get and at what age. I know there was early retirement at 62 and I think then full retirement at 60. I don't know if that's changed. It may be 67 now. I have no idea. I just hate to know that somebody's hanging on until they're 65, 67, 68 years old retiring. I mean, it's a long time and it's respect for people who hang in there that long at a particular job. And they used to be, and I don't know why we went this way, but we're going. It used to be and I don't know why we went this way, but we're going. Used to be that. That was the, that was. The goal is that we were going to stay somewhere 30, 40 years. We were retire there, we were going to build our life there. But uh, just not quite the same anymore. I don't know if covid changed that or just life changed that, but we're in a different world now.
Speaker 2:I don't know, and being self-employed, that that looks different. For us too it does. Yeah, because we're I going to make sure that you're working until you're at least 80.
Speaker 1:Well, can I the day I die. Do you think I can have that day off Maybe?
Speaker 1:possibly All right, that's, that's that. That's true. And you think she's joking, but she's not. She'll work me and I'll I'll die. We'll have my funeral the next day. So, um, I just hope that I die early in the morning so I don't have to work all day. But anyway, I'm joking, I'm joking, hey.
Speaker 1:So let's talk today about growth and maturity, and this is something we were talking about this past week. And you know, first of the year is one of those things new goals, new me, new year, blah, blah, blah. And we all have done it. Sometimes we all still do it. If you remember, I talked about Quitter's Day.
Speaker 1:It was the second Friday of January is considered Quitter's Day. That's when most people quit their dreams, quit their goals, quit whatever they're doing. And a friend of mine who had been doing some stuff, he texted me and said all right, I quit today. And so I said come on, man, don't quit on Quitter's Day, quit the next day. But you know, I quit today. And so I said come on, man, don't quit on quitter's day, quit the next day. But you know, this is not necessarily about that kind of growth or that kind of maturity or how you can have your best 25. Okay, this is about really just some personal life skills of maturity and growing and what that looks like. So, off the off the top of your head what, what does? What does growth or maturity? What does that mean?
Speaker 2:when I say that to you, I think I mean the first thing that comes to mind and this is not all encompassing is your outward actions, how you, how you speak and how you handle situations. That's the first thing that comes to mind.
Speaker 1:Okay, okay. So give me, give me an example of what that may look like in your mind.
Speaker 2:Well, somebody says something that this doesn't sit quite right to you. So what do you? You know your reaction to that, how, how you would handle that and I, for me, that would have been, you know, handled like in the 20. When I was in my 20s, I got my feelings hurt a lot and I made up things in my head that didn't happen and got my feelings hurt a lot. So I hope that I hope that that's not still a thing now. I don't feel like it is no, do you feel like you're?
Speaker 1:are you saying that you, you got tougher skin or maybe you process the information different now? Versus I mean, yeah, I don't feel like it is. No, do you feel like you're saying that you got tougher skin, or maybe you process the information different now?
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I don't think I got tougher skin, because my skin's not completely tough yet, but I think I think I grew. I think I grew up me and the damage that it would do to me and to relationships for that particular thing, to have my feelings hurt all the time or to frame things to where they must have been out, to get me or offend me or yeah, does that make sense?
Speaker 1:It does make sense. You know, thinking, thinking about that. You know, I've always said that most people's favorite subject is themselves. And it is amazing to me how, if you hear something or see something or read something on somebody's post and you're like they're talking about me, they're talking about me and you're like I don't think they are. No, yeah, yeah, that's about me. That's about me Because you're like I don't think they are. No, yeah, yeah, that's about me. That's about me, because people's favorite subjects are themselves and they love to be somehow involved in everything and get offended and wear their feelings on their sleeve about everything. You know and you're right, and you said that like, I think, your response at 25 to something, I will say this it was probably more volatile and sharp.
Speaker 1:When somebody said something to you, you would have more of a tendency to be sharp back because that was just your, your, your nature at that age, but at 51, which is funny, we were talking about this the other day nature at that age, but at 51, which is funny, we were talking about this the other day somebody said you're one of the most diplomatic people I know and I was like that's right, I'm less diplomatic At 53, I used to be real diplomatic.
Speaker 1:I'm the peacemaker man. I'm like, hey, it's okay, we're going to hey, hey, hey. And now she's like, hey, it's okay. And I'm like, no, let me tell you, listen, listen, we, you know. So I'm less diplomatic and you are, because we've kind of changed gears and roles. But that is a maturity trait that you don't always and I think that's it, that you don't always, and I think that's it you don't always have to say what's on your mind, right, and growth and maturity allows you to shut up sometimes yeah I'm trying to talk about not always say what's on your mind, and even sometimes you can say what's on your mind, but you don't need to say it to the, to the person that it doesn't need to be said to.
Speaker 2:I've told um, I've I've really been trying to teach my girls and some more than others it's okay to feel that way or say that, but you need to say it in the safety of family. If you've got something to say about, like this situation at work or this situation in family or whatever, then you need to say it to somebody safe, that is, to where the situation does not blow up, just so you can get it out there and you can be heard. But you need to. You need to save that for those situations. You don't always need to say it on Facebook or in a text or to the person standing in front of you. So that's that's it. You don't. You don't have to say everything you're thinking Sometimes in that moment. Right, you can say what you're thinking in the safety of another relationship maybe Right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because when I'm in a situation, you know me, my mind works quick and I'm like boy, I want to say something. And do I sometimes? Yes, do I regret it? Yes, I can't unsend an email. Sometimes I'm like man, I shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 1:Well, you're supposed to be able to know how, but I haven't figured that out yet, I'm sure, but like I don't feel bad about it until about 10 minutes in and then it's too late to retract it.
Speaker 1:You know there's a time frame you can retract an email, but you know you do have to be careful what you say and how you say things. And I think the one thing that I've learned and it's hard is being slow to speak, and I think we've talked about this before on the podcast is that you have to allow space in between the words that are said to you versus your reaction or whatever you're going to say back. A lot of people don't take that time and that space to react. They automatically react because most people are already sitting on the edge of their seat because there's something they want to say and they're not really paying attention, nor are they looking at the spirit of the person or maybe the thought behind whatever the person is trying to communicate to them. They just want to be heard, and immaturity does that. Immaturity speaks fast, it speaks fast and it listens last. And so let's just talk about what maturity looks like and you just kind of tell me.
Speaker 2:Well, we just talked about that Responses at 35, at 45, at 55, at 65 shouldn't be the same responses to situations or to people that they were at 25. At 45, my responses to things should not be the same as they were at 35. The things that I was just talking about how I was in my 20s if I'm still reacting to situations and we'll talk about several different ways to know that you've grown up, you're growing up, kind of a checklist If I'm still responding to situations the same, then I've not grown up. I'm just living year by year, being the same and not growing.
Speaker 2:And so we can talk about some of the things of what does maturity look like? How do you know if you're maturing? I mean, if you're maturing, you know, just off the cuff. Some of those things are like taking responsibility for things. Off the cuff. Some of those things are like taking responsibility for things, and some of these things we'll talk about are go hand in hand with that managing stress, you know, not having an ego. That's, that's because, like you said, it's all about it's all about me sometimes. But we can just start kind of breaking some of that down of what that really looks like. Right, one of them is self-awareness, and what is it you said about it's?
Speaker 1:It's been said that self-awareness is the highest form of self-care. Ok, because if you can know yourself, then you can know all your proclivities. You can know all your proclivities, you can know all the things that are good and bad about you, and then you can triage those type places in your life that need help, the places that are weak, the places that are bad, and you actually say you know what. This is a weakness of mine. I am weak when it comes to X, y, z, and so I recognize that pattern about myself and I'm not going to allow myself to be put in this situation without gaining some strength or some wisdom or whatever to help me overcome that. And so you actually become better at caring for yourself and then you can make progress and you can become a little more mature when you recognize and have self-awareness.
Speaker 2:So that that was kind of my, my thought process well, and even even in being self self-aware, I think you have to continually do an inventory to see if something is slipping. For instance, I know that we're gonna I'm not jumping ahead to, I'm just gonna bring up. You know, we going to talk about boundaries and my boundaries, and some sometimes have been great. But this year I went looking through our bookshelf to see if we still have a copy of boundaries because I'm becoming aware that I need to reread the book. I was saying way, way too many yeses last year and that ended up biting me and I would either be resentful or whatever. And we'll talk about more about that in boundaries, you know, because I had let myself slip in those areas, and so self-awareness, I think, needs to be continually ongoing. Okay, here's all the things like what, what am I doing great at and what am I? What am I, what do I need to brush up on and get better at? Well, you're talking about strengths and weaknesses, so this is interesting.
Speaker 2:And our interviews with people. I always send them a list ahead of time so that they're not stumbling around. We do FaceTime interviews now with employees, potential employees, because COVID changed people coming in for an interview. This never happened to us in all those years of business. But after COVID, during COVID and after COVID, people would not show up for interviews. Like you would talk to them that morning at nine o'clock and say, just checking in to make sure I'm going to still see you in an hour and a half. Yeah, see you then. And then you go and you sit to meet them and you're like, where are they at? It's, they're still not here. They're still not here, they're still not here. You text them. They would completely ghost you, and that started happening frequently. It was strange, more than not. Yeah, and so we have a pretty strict.
Speaker 2:Now we're going to do a FaceTime interview, because I'm not going and sitting somewhere and waiting on you for an hour wondering what's going to happen. So I send them a list ahead of time. These are the interview questions and one of the questions is tell me about your strengths and tell me about your weaknesses. Now, they know the question ahead of time and again, more often than not, we get to strengths and they'll tell me, like I'm great at remembering things or I learn really fast. I'm a people person. Yeah, I'm great with customers. And then also tell me about your weaknesses. Yeah, I don't really have any, and I try because they can see me. Of course it's FaceTime. I really try to not laugh there. Sometimes I do Fix your face girl.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I go really, how have you accomplished that, especially at such a young age? Gosh, wow, god has been good. I mean, yeah, how did you accomplished that, especially at such a young age? Like, how have you Gosh, wow God has been good. I mean, yeah, how did you get there? I need to learn more. But yeah, being self-aware is realizing you do have weaknesses, we all do. We have weaknesses. So, yeah, that's just kind of funny.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, well that lets you know that their weakness is self-awareness.
Speaker 2:So yeah, this is a side note my favorite, though, because you know we're rated highly for our customer service, and if we're ever not, then I always need to know.
Speaker 1:Tell us.
Speaker 2:But when they say I'm not really good with people, I'm like, oh no, oh no, we could just, honestly, we could stop right there.
Speaker 1:We don't even like people. I'm really sorry, bro.
Speaker 2:I've heard that one, it's funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got a. You need to find something that's just you, but. But I think self-awareness is a key man. It's so huge as far as growing and maturing. You need to recognize what people already see about you. Yeah, it's easy, like my friend Mike here, you know I can say hey, mike, this is what I think may be your weakness. Well, he may not know that about himself until he starts getting a reflection, and I do think that's a huge key.
Speaker 1:You need to listen. Strengths are great. Like I'm telling you, mike's a dynamic guy, but I'm sure he has weaknesses every day, that he looks in that mirror, that his wife may not see but he sees. And you need to know those things. That way you can work on it. If you don't know something's wrong, you can't work on it. If your car is going clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, turning the radio up louder to where you don't hear it does not fix the problem until you're sitting on the side of the road and have to call a tow truck because you disregarded being aware that your car had problems. Your life's the same way, being self-aware. What's another thing?
Speaker 2:Self-control.
Speaker 2:That's what we were talking about. Just saying what comes to the first thing that pops in your head self-control of taking in and processing and framing it and trying to consider well, how do they really mean that, or even situations that happen that, or even you know situations that happen that you hear about, you know how. What's the background of that, why did that happen that way, before you know getting mad or flying off the handle or sending a text or sending an email, you know taking time to consider all the points to it and sometimes, when you do that, you can figure and even ask questions. Now, when you said that, what were you talking about? You know, last night at church somebody said something to me and I said and at first it sounded a little off and I said how do you mean? Instead of saying you don't know what you're talking about, I wanted to say you don't even know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:That's what I wanted to say. I wanted to say you don't even know what you're talking about. But I said how do you mean? Explain that to me. Give yourself and just thinking of things like that, if you know you're quick to lose control having some backup questions that are ready to go of, explain that to me again. And now, what was it that you said can sometimes slow the roll, to help you manage your emotions and not lash out.
Speaker 1:Well, and self-control also. It goes into a lot of areas of your life and self-control is indulgence, control in essence, whether it is emotion or whether it is food, or whether it's sex, whether it's addiction or whether it is a food, whether it's sex, whether it's addiction or whatever self-control is it's, it's tough. It is very, very hard to have self-control and whatever that particular thing is. But I think maturity is having self control. Now I'm going to say this, and this is we, we. We joke about this a lot. I have a hard time with self-control when it comes to sweets, and that's a silly thing, but that's the truth.
Speaker 2:And so, like you know, we've been on this thing for I don't even know how many day 7,640.
Speaker 1:I think we're day 24 today Like no bread.
Speaker 2:So you're not even a third way there, no bread, no gluten, no sugar.
Speaker 1:Well, it's cool, man. It's worked for me. I've lost 10 pounds in three weeks. I feel great, I'm performing well, but the past couple of days we had a huge catering that we did and there was three pieces of red velvet cake left. I like red velvet cake. No, I love red velvet cake. And I asked you. I said please throw that away. And you almost threw it away. I moved it to the counter beside the garbage can, To the counter beside the garbage can, not in the garbage can. And so here's the thing.
Speaker 2:It's just so hard to pick up cake and throw it. Perfectly good cake.
Speaker 1:And then last night she had cooked some things for the church and she had chocolate cake or yellow cake with chocolate icing. That is my absolute favorite and anybody wants to cook me one of those, I'll take it. I love them, but not for 50. But she said, hey, you want to taste this. I said I can't have it. She said that's ridiculous. I said I cannot. I said you don't understand.
Speaker 1:One piece turns into two pieces, and then I'm going to eat a little bit of the third piece while I'm deciding if I want a fourth piece, and then I'm seven pieces deep with my finger and my belly button and got chocolate all over my mouth. And and here I am deep in a problem for me, because of self-control, and that's where, like sometimes and this is where I am Sometimes I've just got to absolutely cut out a particular thing in my life, even though it may not be as harmful, because I don't have enough control in that area. And that's one area that I got to work. And so it doesn't matter if it's emotion, if it's food, if it's addiction. Self-control is maturity.
Speaker 2:And the last part about that is just also self-control with yourself, how you talk to yourself and how you treat yourself. So you know you can lash out on others, but sometimes you can just beat up yourself and have very negative self-talk and you have to control that as well. Yeah, so empathy, empathy is another part, not sympathy, no, empathy, empathy, empathy, yeah, and I think that does develop with maturity because, like we were talking about your favorite subject, sometimes is you, but making it not about you and the others around you, and then even even greater, like others in the world, having care and thought for situations that other people are going through, thinking about the people that have just suffered all the wildfires in California, that are losing their homes, like just flood victims, like thinking outside of of yourself, and and you is empathy, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I'm not. I was going to say something about I'm not. We're going to move on, because there's a hot topic right now about being empathetic. So I think that when you can put yourself in the shoes of somebody else, yes.
Speaker 1:Because they are people, yeah, no matter who, they are Right. And when people hurt, you know, you need to say you know what? I'm not there and maybe I'm thankful that I'm not particularly there at this situation, but God forbid that I was there and you know. That's empathy, and I think you have to really empathy. You can see what other people say, you can kind of feel what they're going through and you're not just like, well, it sucks to be you, you know, and that's the idea. So, other than that, I think healthy relationships and this is one that I this is a real good one here is healthy relationships. This is a real good one here.
Speaker 2:It's healthy relationships, yeah, and that's being able to. You know, for me, healthy relationships it's not about just having a healthy relationship, it's about maintaining a healthy relationship. That's right. How healthy is my relationship with friend A if I only have that relationship for six months or a year and then I'm on to the next relationship and the next relationship, like at the end of it? You know, if I have best friends from the age of 15 years old to 55 years old, how many years is that 40. I shouldn't have had 40 best friends, like I would hope. One a year, yeah, like that's the and even and. That can go into dating and everything else. But in the relationships around us family and friends, maintaining those relationships, putting the work into those relationships, because if you've got a new best friend every year, then you need to stop and say OK, why.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:Now it's fine to have new friends. Some people say no new friends. I've never understood that, like I like new friends.
Speaker 1:I like people yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a funny side note. Yeah, that's what funny side note you know it was. It was funny to some, not shocking to others, that at mile five I made a new friend in Starkville and I made her start talking to me and listening to me and we ended up running together the rest of the whole 13 miles, talking nonstop, and we knew each other's names, names, everything about each other. We're facebook friends now and text friends, because I do. I like new friends and I was. I was just determined she was going to be my new friend too. Um, so that's you know. No, new friends are great, but we've also. We don't throw out our old friends. We've got to figure out how to maintain relationships and if we're switching relationships all the time, then sometimes, sometimes we have to say, okay, I've got to grow here, I've got to figure out why my relationships are tanking.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's the maintaining, and that is the key part. It's not forming, it's maintaining. I met a guy on the run in two. His name was Mark, I don't know anything else about him, but I made sure that I didn't let him beat me to the finish line. That's important. That's important. I didn't care about forming relationships during the run, but anyway. So another thing is is that we're conflict resolution. You know, it's not okay to stay mad all the time. You just got to learn how to have a healthy resolution to conflict. Conflict is part of life. You're not going to agree with somebody, you're not going to see eye to eye, and it is okay to sit down and say, hey, listen, I don't necessarily agree with you about this. Let's talk about how we can work through this together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's healthy, instead of just walking away mad saying, okay, this is our issue, how can we talk through this, how can we get through this? And even, sometimes, what is it Agree to disagree? Yeah, and we do that sometimes. Yeah, we do, we agree to disagree. The other one, which I am still growing and I'm not figuring it out, is stress management. This is a part where we both know and anybody close to me knows that I am trying to work on it. One of my doctors said well, go run. I said I would be running all day. I've got to stop at some point and live life, so that's not. So, yeah, I'm working on stress management because for years I thought I didn't have stress, but then, the older I got, it started exhibiting in other ways because I just ignored that. I do have stress, apparently. But you know I'm working on that one.
Speaker 1:That is one where I'm working hard on Well and you could have asked me and I could have told you. You know you had stress, because it was stressful, but you know, another thing as we get toward the end here is constructive criticism. I can tell you now, the sign of a good person who has grown and matured, can receive feedback without being a baby. Now listen, I'm going to be honest with you. I've struggled with that for a long time. I'm much better than I used to be, and because you would tell me things that I didn't want to hear and even though I know they're true sometimes, you know, with the feedback that somebody's giving you is true, you're like I don't want to hear that and I specifically don't want to hear that from you. And so, getting feedback and not having an outburst, not being pouty, not wanting to I'm not talking to you for two days, don't look at me you know that is a sign of growth and maturity.
Speaker 2:And genuinely, most people have your best interest at heart when they're telling you that, because if somebody is taking the time to tell you something that they know even may upset you and may make them, maybe even mad at you, but they're going to take the risk anyway, that usually means they care enough about you to say, hey, I don't even know if you're aware of this, but I just want to point this out that this is something you may want to think about and consider. It's usually, if it's constructive criticism, that's what it means. They're helping you to construct you, to be a better you, and we need that mirror sometimes, because our mirror gets cloudy and foggy and we can't see what we're doing or what we're saying or how we're behaving, and so we need that other mirror to sharpen us and make us better.
Speaker 1:You either have a cloudy mirror or you put on rose-colored glasses and everything looks wonderful and everything you say and do is awesome.
Speaker 1:But you know, I think maturity and just growing really comes down to accepting responsibility. I think that's it. You have to accept responsibility for you. I can't accept responsibility's it. You have to accept responsibility for you. I can't accept responsibility for you. I have to do it for myself. My actions, decisions, even learning from my mistakes. It is okay. If you screw up, you need to take responsibility for it. I call it putting your big boy pants on. You need to put your big boy pants on and say you know what. I made a mistake here. This is me and I'm going to tell you if you make a mistake with me and you'll come back and say you know what I did it. I respect you and I'm like cool, we can move on. But if you're obtuse and you just kind of go your way and have an ego and like, you know that that doesn't get any kind of go your way and have an ego and not, you know that that doesn't get any kind of respect from people.
Speaker 2:Or lie. You know that that's my. If you yeah, if you won't take responsibility and you lie that somebody else did it or you have no idea, I don't know. We got you on camera doing it. No, I don't know, it wasn't me. It wasn't me, it was somebody that just looked exactly like me. It.
Speaker 2:Talking again about boundaries I talked about that a second ago. This is another one I have to work on, because if you do not set boundaries, it's not good for you and it's not good for the people around you, cause you know, when I, if I overextend myself, let's just, let's just say not necessarily, these are not. I'm not talking about relationships, of setting boundaries with people that you need to set boundaries with, but my, my, my downfall with boundaries is usually taking on things that I need to say no to, and the thing is is that it doesn't just hurt me. Going back to stress management, it will affect the relationships around me, sometimes, because I'm going to become tired, I'm going to become cranky, I'm going to start lashing out because I chose to put too much on my plate.
Speaker 2:You know, a recent thing was the youth asked me to go on a trip with them. They needed somebody to cook and I wanted so bad to be able to help them. But you kept telling me you need to think about this, you need to think about this. Look at your cat. And I kept looking at my calendar going well, yeah, it's kind of I don't need to do it, I don't, but I should, I feel like I should, jesus would want me to. And then I did the best thing that I needed to do for them and for me and I said no, I cannot do it, I'm sorry, and that was that's.
Speaker 2:Saying no is hard. But then sometimes, after you just say it, you're like you know that was the absolute best decision that I could have made for me, for them and for those I love. Sometimes, and then relationships just set in boundaries with people that drain you, that pull you. You know that are not good influences, all those things Sometimes we just have to draw that line. So if, if that's a struggle for anybody, listening boundaries book will help you and it will help me if I can find a copy, if anybody has a copy and you're listening, please send me a copy. Let me borrow it for a minute.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, shonda Rhimes has a book called the Year of yes and somebody out there needs to have the year of no. Yeah, you need to say no. That's not going to work for me this time. And I've got to set some boundaries for my marriage. I've got to set some boundaries for my family. I've got to set some boundaries with my church. I've got to set some boundaries with my job, whatever that is, any of my relationships. And I'm telling you, the power of no is an amazing thing, so I would encourage you. And then, finally, this is delaying gratification. Man, being mature and growing is delaying gratification.
Speaker 1:You know the generation behind us. I love them. I got four of them, but they want instant gratification. I want mine now. You know it's like the prodigal son give me my stuff now and I'm going to go out and I'm going to live and have a great time. And, of course, you know daddy took him back and I would do the same for any of my kids, but I want mine now.
Speaker 1:I want what mom and daddy have. You know I want, I want to. Y'all are going somewhere. I want. What mom and daddy have, you know I want, I want to. Well, y'all are going somewhere. I want to go too. You know I should and no, you shouldn't. You know, we're going to Vail next week and that's not bragging, we're just. We're going to Vail next week and you know our kids are like, well, we want to go and I'm like, no, not going. You, you know, and they're you know, because at 53, when they're 30 or 28 and 32, whatever, you know, I didn't go anywhere. I was raising kids, I was trying to figure out how to make a living, I was trying to figure out how to pay to blow water and light and and like figuring things out. And you know, if somebody has means before they're, they're older, that's cool. But like now I have opportunity because I did stuff back here and delayed some gratification and I think that that is maturing in any way.
Speaker 2:Well, let me just say our kids are well-traveled for their age. My kids have done more in their 20s than I did in the first 20 years of marriage, probably at all, and they probably maybe have still done it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but they're funny sometimes Can you Venmo me some money out here yeah.
Speaker 2:Our kids and I do. I love, though, that our kids are not homebodies and they do love to wander. They just sometimes want to wander where we're wandering, and it's not time for them to wander where we're wandering. But yeah, even talking about the cake, going back to your cake, you're delaying your gratification now because you're training for a 50-mile race and I shouldn't have last night. But they said, why are you not doing this? I said because I'm not stupid, and that was just me being funny, but I don't think you're stupid. I love that.
Speaker 2:You have hard goals and, like you said, you like pain. I don't like pain. The 13-mile race last Saturday hurt me and I'm still hurting five days later. So I don't want to do 50 miles because I don't love pain like that. But you know you're delaying gratification. You're in 75 days of very hard training and whatever, because it's going to pay off for you later. Even you know sometimes people that are taking on a second job or they're going to school on the side of their job. You're delaying your gratification, and that's a good thing. Learning how to do the hard stuff, sometimes for a bigger paycheck later, a better life later, all those things, that's.
Speaker 1:that's signs of growth it is, and that brings the point that we'll finish on. There's two people that I thought about. There's a lady named Jennifer who used to work for us.
Speaker 1:She worked a second job, for she worked for us five years, seven years. She worked for us a long time and so so that they could get their stuff paid off and figured out and done. And then she was able, about two months ago, to quit because she'd been delaying gratification. And then the other lady, kristen, at Chick-fil-a, the the Chick-fil-A celebrated. You remember she had been working, working, working so they could pay off all their bills and pay off their house and everything. And she did that and her time was over because she delayed gratification.
Speaker 1:And maturity is being able to do that, and so we just want to encourage you. Listen, we're not telling you that we are fully grown, because we may be teenagers at times, but we're working that way to work through puberty and grow up and learn, and it has been. It's not easy. Okay, let me explain that to you. It is not easy to grow up because there are things that you want we all have tendencies of selfishness and things that we desire, we'd like to have. But I can promise you this as you grow and mature, life gets so much better. Things roll off your back a whole lot more. I'm not uptight as much as I used to be, especially with my kids. When they say something I'm like okay, whatever, I don't engage anymore Because my job is to be a good father and love them, be a good husband, be a good friend, and it's really not about me trying to fix you.
Speaker 1:I've got to take care of me and I've got to grow and mature.
Speaker 2:Last thought I think that's it. We're growing too, and we're just trying to figure out these places where we've got to keep growing. I hope if I said this same thing again five years from now, then there's some areas that I could say okay, that's, I'm really, I'm doing pretty good there, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And you are. You're doing fantastic and you're, you're wonderful. So anyway, hey, thanks so much for listening this morning. We just encourage you to hop in the flow with somebody who's going the way you want to go, and I promise you things will be great on the other side. Thank you for listening this morning. Moving on to the better.
