Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
The Stories We Tell Ourselves vs. The Truth About Who We Are
What happens when compliments make you uncomfortable? When recognition feels undeserved? When success feels like luck rather than skill? Brad and Tiffany open up about the surprising origins of this episode – a moment when Tiffany's inability to acknowledge Brad's public compliments revealed a deeper struggle with feeling worthy of recognition.
Through vulnerable conversation, they explore the concept of imposter syndrome, defined by their friend and licensed therapist Jessica Roberts as "a distorted belief system that describes people with pervasive feelings of insecurity and self-doubt who have anxious feelings related to being exposed as a fraud in their work, despite being verifiably successful." The hosts reveal how this syndrome often affects high-functioning, accomplished individuals who struggle to internalize their success.
The discussion takes a powerful turn when Brad shares a story about Gary Vee telling a young woman, "You are somebody now," causing her to cry with relief. This moment crystallizes the episode's core message: your worth isn't tied to your achievements or recognition. As Tiffany poignantly notes, "I don't want to be 61 thinking I still didn't do any of those things because I held myself back because of my thinking."
Whether you're battling perfectionism, attributing your success to luck, struggling with receiving compliments, or feeling like you'll eventually be "exposed" as inadequate, this episode offers practical strategies for challenging negative self-talk and embracing your true worth. From examining the stories you tell yourself to seeking honest positive feedback from trusted friends, Brad and Tiffany provide actionable steps toward healing and growth.
Ready to break free from the cycle of feeling unworthy? Listen now, and remember – you are already somebody, worthy of every good thing that comes your way.
Hey, good morning. Good morning, this is Brad and I'm with my wife, tiffany. We are the host of the Hustle Flow podcast. Thank you this morning for taking your time to listen to our podcast and the subject that we're going to be talking about this morning. Good morning, tiffany. Good morning. How are you this morning? I'm great, it's good, it's a good day, man. The sun is shining. We're here in Mississippi and the weather's been hot, cold, rainy. It's been all kind of stuff, but I think we're finally turned a corner. I see all the green stuff on our cars that we're having to go to the car wash and wash every day. So it looks like spring is here and we're pretty excited about that because that's a good season in Mississippi spring Summer not so much, it gets hot and crazy, but spring and fall is a good season in Mississippi, so we're excited about it.
Speaker 2:It's kind of a yellow green. It's like a. It's pollen. And I've watched the funniest TikTok about a guy. It's that guy and I can't remember his name. He dressed up as pollen and it's hilarious. He's talking about what he's got to do and but then he talks about how he jacks up your cars and your allergies. Yeah, it was really funny. He's a guy.
Speaker 1:I think he's from Georgia, maybe.
Speaker 2:He wears all the t-shirts.
Speaker 1:It says different stuff. He's the one that did the Facebook thing. Is that drill still for sale? Yeah, you remember that one. Yeah, it's here. He's a funny guy. He's a funny guy, I like him.
Speaker 1:But hey, this morning we are going to talk about just feeling worthy, and that's real broad term. But we're going to tell you, maybe, where this originated from. We're going to give you some backstory to it. But feeling worthy in, maybe, people giving you accolades or people talking to you nicely or giving you compliments, but even if it goes a step further, there is a syndrome called imposter syndrome and we're going to delve into that just a little bit. We're not licensed therapists here. We're not licensed counselors, but we do have friends that are and we've got some things from them. But we're going to talk about that just a little bit this morning. So let's hop in there, let's get going and let's talk about this subject this morning.
Speaker 1:Do you want to tell where this comes from? Because this is a conversation, the way that we look at our podcast. We really want to just bring you into our Saturday morning conversations at our breakfast table. We have a lot of conversation when we eat breakfast. We only eat breakfast about once a week. Most of the time it's just a shake, but when we cook breakfast and actually sit down together, we generally sit at that table for a good while and talk about marriage issues, we talk about church issues, we talk about family issues, we talk about all kinds of things, and so Saturday was kind of cathartic for both of us, just a little bit. So why don't you just hop in there, let's talk about it and see where this goes?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So as we were talking because it was a conversation that we needed to have in our marriage um, as we were talking, we were probably 20 minutes in and I said, you know, this could probably be a good topic for a podcast because, um, what we discovered is, I hate names and labels, I hate saying I have ADHD, I hate saying these kind of things, but when there are actually labels, sometimes you just have to use the labels. So we talked about, through our conversation, that I've heard of imposter syndrome. I've never, ever, read up on it. I know how I feel and I know things that I struggle with, but I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:I thought it was something else, honestly, because I've heard people on facebook say I think I have, you know, whatever, and I just thought, well, it's like everybody that says they have adhd, maybe they don't have it, maybe they do what. Does that even really look like right, but yeah, and so I will probably be very, um, vulnerable. You know that word's always hard for me and in this I'm talking about where it came from. So it started out because we had had a week where I just knew there was something a little off and I would ask you every day. What's going on with you? Are you okay? You know, you just seem a little off. And so finally, saturday morning, you told me. You said I want to tell, tell you you've hurt my feelings, which I don't hurt your feelings very rarely like I make you mad sometimes, and sometimes I enjoy making you mad.
Speaker 2:A little often like there's just times where I just think I want to get him a little riled up just every once in a while. We don't because you don't really know the purpose yeah, like you know, just you know, just push your button just a little every once in a while because I think it's you know, it's fun. But yeah, but hurting your feelings is something I rarely do, um, would you agree?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, I, I mean it's, I don't get my feelings hurt a lot overall, because I just don't, but then very rarely do you hurt my feelings. Yeah, because I'm not piss me off a lot.
Speaker 2:That's not. You shouldn't say that word, but yeah, because I'm not. Yeah, I, I don't, I'm not intentionally somebody that tries to be hurtful.
Speaker 2:I don't want to be hurt, but you had told me that I had hurt your feelings because there were were the last two times that you had said things about me on Facebook that I had not responded Right, and I listened to you as you should. When your spouse is telling you you have either made me mad or you have hurt my feelings. As you should, you know, I listened all the way through and then I told you that I was very sorry because I never wanted to hurt your feelings. That was never my intention and I absolutely understood everything you were saying and it was true. I could not deny anything that you said. You said some other things about. Sometimes. You know, this is what I feel like. You know, I'm proud of you and I say these things and I don't get anything back. When I, you know, not necessarily in person, not when we're in the house together or whatever I don't get anything back. And so I understood how it made you feel. I apologized, but then I I then decided to let you in on, but let me, let me explain to you the why.
Speaker 2:It's not because I mean, I didn't want anybody, you, to tell anybody I'm your girl or any of these things, because you know I've got 10 boyfriends and I don't want them to know that we're that close by you mentioning something on Facebook or whatever the reasons are, or because I just don't care, or because of what you say about me doesn't matter, because it like I appreciate what, how you say that you feel about me so much. But I'll let you into a part of my world. And how I feel is that I I do not like for nice things to be said about me. It's a problem, right, right.
Speaker 2:And then the more nice things that are said, the more that I then go and like hide from it and run from it Like I need it. It makes me so uncomfortable that I then just do the absolute worst thing I can do and I just act like it didn't happen and run away from it. And so I realized, and we realized and we talked about it, not just to you but it comes off as being very rude and unappreciative and all of those things where that's not the case at all. Right, it's just feelings that I have, but you know, and it's hard because at 51 years old I would you, at some point in life you would like to think you've got it together, you're like you finally got it together and maybe I'm like a semi, like whatever person. I don't know that there's a such thing as normal. I don't know what normal is.
Speaker 1:No, there's no such thing as normal.
Speaker 2:But using the word anyway, like I'm normal now I'm finally like, and you think also. I think for me sometimes. I think, because of my age and years of working through different things, that there's also things you should never have to like. You should be normal by a certain age and there shouldn't be things you have to work through necessarily that would be great anymore.
Speaker 2:I know, I know it would be great, wouldn't it? But that's how some of this came up, because, you know, I told you about a certain thing I had put out it's on my birthday year before last. I had no idea it was. You know it was a, it was a birthday picture that I put up and I don't know I was a hot pitcher, it was and it gained. I liked it, it gained hundreds of comments, and so after the first 30, 40, I don't remember I shut down. I never went back and looked at the post because I couldn't deal with it, and I know this, like I don't. There may be, and I and the reason we're talking about is because there probably are other people like me but I never went back and said thank you to every person. I couldn't even read the comments anymore because of what we're talking about today, and so that's, I think that's, and you may have something to add, but I think that's how we got where we are that is.
Speaker 1:That is really the. The crux of of what we where we came to um in a little background of that is that you've been involved in um play practice, you've been involved in the production of steel magnolias and you've been busy, uh, practicing till 10 o'clock every night. And then this, the, the week before this, I had left on a Thursday. I had to go up to the cabin and take care of some things, and then I went to Atlanta and, according to you, I was on vacation.
Speaker 2:And I'm still kind of bitter about that. I was running three.
Speaker 1:Spartan races and muddy, dirty, gross and 25 miles plus and a bunch of obstacles, but I was on vacation.
Speaker 2:You paid to go do it. It's a vacation.
Speaker 1:I still, like I said, it's still bitter about that. I was on vacation, but then I had to leave there as well and then go back to Chattanooga. So we so Chattanooga. We were separate for about five or six days and then, um, I don't remember how I even thought about it, but I know what it was, I know, know what it was.
Speaker 1:I had made a post, something about you and and how proud I was of you. And listen, social media sometimes is what it is, but I'm just telling you the background of where, where it is. So I made this post, something about you, you know, was proud of you or whatever was actually, you know, excited about the play or whatever. And you had responded back to people who had commented on my post but never responded back to me, nor did you like it or or or sad face it, or mad face it or or love it at all. And then I saw that you had commented back to your supporting actress, which is Shelby Micah. She's doing an incredible job as well. But I saw you commented back to her because she said something about you being the best, or whatever.
Speaker 1:And I thought, man, that kind of just kind of stung a little bit. So then, being the investigator I am and the petty person I am sometimes, I went back and I looked and I thought, well, she didn't even like my post about Valentine's. And then, honestly, being the grown adult I am, I got in my feelings. And not only did I get in my feelings, I let my feelings get in me and I thought, you know what, she don't care about you, which is stupid, which is dumb. But because we've got 34 years of marriage and I know the truth on other side of social media, but it never still didn't take the sting away, it kind of hurt me and instead of just telling you, hey, I'm hurt, I let it fester all week.
Speaker 1:And I'll be honest with you, I went through feelings of mad and hurt and mad and hurt, and mad and hurt, but I didn't want to put it on you because you were going through eight days of like four or five days of tech week and then three days of production, so I didn't want to dump something on you because I knew you had a lot on you. But then, saturday this is where this come and we were actually able to talk about this. And then, once you explained to me this and I started talking I think I even asked you the question I said it almost seems like you don't feel like you're worthy of compliments, and that's where the conversation opened up. And then we started talking about where maybe some of that come from, how it originated and feeling worthy. And then we talked about imposter syndrome and we did a little research on that and again, we're not, we're not, we're not licensed to talk deeply about imposter syndrome outside of our we're licensed to tell you what our friend and we'll touch on that has said.
Speaker 2:Who is licensed to tell you and to tell you what we've found just from researching? Because the internet is free. And so, no, we didn't even stay at a Holiday Inn last night.
Speaker 1:That's right night, so we are not licensed we.
Speaker 2:We need to make that disclaimer because every once in a while there's somebody says well, they said, and we are not licensed, but we want you to know that things that we talk about are not just great ideas that we get on the internet and think you know it'd be fun to talk about.
Speaker 1:These are real life things that we deal with. Yeah, and that that you said. You think sometimes at 51 and I'm almost you think I should have all this stuff taken care of by now man, you would think that I got my life together, but we are continually working to get better and I believe this. I believe this If you continually work on yourself and communicate clearly with your spouse, your marriage can be fantastic and it continue to grow, because you're never perfect.
Speaker 2:What was it you said about the? Um, I don't know if you have that written down anywhere else, so maybe something about about the person, that people that love you, um, kind of. We've been talking. We talk about being a mirror, a lot about.
Speaker 1:Oh that, uh, that the person who makes you the most uncomfortable is the one that loves you the most. Is that the? Is that what?
Speaker 2:you're talking about?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's true, you know is that the person who challenges you and pushes you, not the person who slaps you on the back and say that's awesome. It's the person who challenges you, makes you uncomfortable, probably loves you the most, because they're not going to allow you just to get comfortable and just to wallow in. You know, you would not have allowed me to wallow in in pity, you wouldn't have allowed me to wallow in, believing that you didn't care about me or whatever, because none of that's true. So I think that that that matters. So let's talk. Let's talk about what, what? Let's talk about what imposter syndrome actually is, what it looks like, and this comes from our good, our good friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so we had read some other kind of explanations of it, but I like Jessica's the best. So Jessica and Brad will tell you all the ways that she's licensed, probably later. But Jessica Roberts is, um, she does run the Tupelo Marriage and Family Therapy and Counseling Center here in Tupelo. So her definition, which I like the most, is imposter syndrome is a distorted belief system that describes people with pervasive feelings of insecurity and self-doubt who have anxious feelings related to being exposed as a fraud in their work, despite being verifiably successful. She says that often people that experience this are high functioning and high achieving and a lot of times, particularly in the medical field also. Well, I am not in the medical field, so that is her definition and I like the part that they they have.
Speaker 2:They either have, they can have both insecurity or self-doubt and anxious feelings related to being exposed as a fraud, which, of course, like I told you to me, I don't, I don't ever think in those terms of I'm going to be exposed as a fraud. That's not something I necessarily deal with, but but the word imposter and fraud go hand, you know, go hand in hand. But all the other things that, but the word imposter and fraud, go hand, you know, go hand in hand. But all the other things that go along with imposter syndrome, you know, do make sense. And when you're reading it to me, I love to go oh, I'm not, this, I'm not, that, I'm never. You know, perfectionist is one that we'll talk about. I always say I'm not a perfectionist. But then when it's funny, when somebody reads certain things, you're like, well, I'm a big liar, I absolutely am, whatever, whatever that's. When you read what a perfectionist is, I'm like, yeah, I mean, that's, that's me. They took a picture of me and read my like, followed me around in the the dictionary.
Speaker 1:Your picture's there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:And we've talked about that. And Jessica Roberts, she's a good friend of ours. She goes to CrossFit with us and she's okay at CrossFit Jessica Maybe, I don't know, you're terrible she's great. She has her master's in marriage and family therapy. She's also a licensed professional counselor and she's a supervisor for professional counselors as well. So she's licensed in marriage and family therapy. So she has a lot of background in this information and she deals with a lot of issues such as these with family and people. But you know it really, and she said that it comes from generally. It's learned behavior. That comes from generally. It's learned behavior. It comes from any environment. That's highly critical, unreasonable idea of what it means to be successful, said it usually shows up alongside other symptoms such as self-doubt, low self-esteem, feelings of fraudulence or inadequacy that's a good word being inadequate Inability to internalize success or achievements, fear of success or failure, anxiety or depression. Now let's just hop in there and talk about you, because I'm going to talk about you right in front of you. I don't talk about you behind your back.
Speaker 2:Well, I won't talk about me the whole time.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about you, because this is something we've dealt with and because you said that not responding back on social media sometimes is as rude and yes, it is, it can be. You know what I'm saying. If somebody says something nice to you, it can be rude not to respond back. It'd be just like somebody coming up and giving you a compliment and saying you look really beautiful and you're like just walk away. You know kind of that awkward whatever for you.
Speaker 1:We talked about this the other day. Why is it, though? Where do you feel like it comes from? And maybe you don't know, but, but where do you feel like that comes from, that you don't sometimes feel worthy of the compliment that you, that you get, because, okay, so we, we, we know this. Where you've been, you've been doing the play and people have told you hey, man, you're doing, you're knocking it out of the park, you're incredible, but your word to me that was the other day. Well, these are my friends, they're, they're supposed to say that, but then, so where does some of that come from for you?
Speaker 2:I think for every person it's probably different. Um, just from researching also on the on the internet, some further explanation about for different people, where does it come from? A lot of time it's family upbringing, maybe parents who were controlling or overprotective, or people who flipped back and forth between being either offering a lot of praise or offering a lot of criticism, or from families who have a lot of conflict and very low amounts of support. You know are also places that it can come from. I think for me personally I probably have ideas where it came from, but those may not be areas where I necessarily want to, because sometimes we just also want to respect people in our lives. So we may not, and for every person I think it can be different where where some of these ideas and thoughts come from. But I think for me I do have ideas of, of why and things that probably make sense to me. But you know, for somebody else that deals with it it may be, it may be a different situation.
Speaker 1:Right, but I think I think it comes back to feeling worthy and the worthiness of and I don't know sometimes if it's that people maybe don't feel love or they don't feel I like the word inadequate that Jessica had used there that people feel inadequate. We know what low self-esteem looks like. You know what I'm saying. We know people who is the person who will just, oh man, I'm ugly, I can't do nothing, I can't. You know that's low self-esteem, whether it's looks or abilities or whatever. But the worthiness and feeling inadequate and one of my favorite things and I showed it to you, I guess last night or whatever. And if you know Gary Vee Gary Vee's a big personality entrepreneur, got a lot of influence and you know, sometimes his language is pretty crude, so you got to work past that sometime. But as a whole, gary Vee is pretty awesome.
Speaker 1:And I saw this girl and you know, just to describe her to you who can't actually see the video, you can go to TikTok and put it in, you could see it, but she's just, she's just an average looking girl. She's not, you know, she's just the average person. And she meets him outside of a place and she said I'm going to, you know, I'm going to be somebody one day. And the coolest thing happened is that he stopped and he turned back to her and he said wait, listen to what you just said. He said you are somebody now. He said I was somebody before. Anybody knew who I was, but it goes back to. She felt, like because of his notoriety, that she had to be something in order for him to recognize her. But he stopped in that moment and I'm telling you it's a powerful moment when you grab a hold of it is that he told her you're somebody now and she cried Because there's so many people out there that feel worthless.
Speaker 1:You're listening to this podcast right now and she cried because there's so many people out there that feel worthless. You're listening to this podcast right now and I don't care what kind of car you're driving in, your seats may be heated and wrapped around your back and your butt, and you're feeling all nice and you're jamming to the radio and you feel worthless. You feel inadequate. You feel like you don't measure up. It doesn't matter what kind of house you live in, it doesn't matter what kind of business you own or what kind of job you work, or how good your family is or what it looks like. You feel worthless, you feel like you're not somebody and I don't know there's power behind him just saying you're somebody now. And I don't know how you get that across to somebody until they actually internalize it.
Speaker 1:Because you'll find people who are overachieving and high achieving and going after it so hard because they feel like they've got to prove a point and don't know how to wake up tomorrow and just be. And that's a weird thing. You know, we were laughing, we were talking about you've been enthralled in this place so much that today is the first day you've kind of woke up and you don't have to be there tonight. And you said it's weird, I don't know how to wake up and just be today. And I think that when you feel worthless because society does this and you hop in here any time, but society makes us say, if you look at this, this is what somebody looks like, this is what a somebody is, and if you're not this, then you don't really measure up and you're kind of worthless and you don't measure up. So society really puts a lot of pressure on us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, and I'm going to go back a little bit.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Backwards to you know, like I said, like, and I'm not trying to label anybody Again, we are not licensed and so I'm not licensed to label you anyway. Again we are not licensed and I so I'm not licensed to label you anyway. But hearing about it and thinking about it, and thinking about it in terms of how it deals with me was was kind of new information for me. So what does it look like? Like, how do you, how do you? I guess, how does it? How do you know that it's not just you being oh well, you know, I mean, it was all right, it was okay and where it's a deeper level of seriousness that may affect your life Because I'll talk for a second about how it can affect your life Absolutely. But feelings of I'll just hop in, like persistent self-doubt or insecurity. You may not have all of these. You may have some of these persistent self-doubt or insecurity. You may not have all of these. You may have some of these Attributing success to luck or external factors, fear of failure or being exposed as a fraud, feeling like you're not qualified or deserving of achievements, difficulty accepting praise and compliments, perfectionism and very high standards or overworking and self-sabotage, and everybody may feel some of those, but if you feel a whole lot of those, then there you know, then maybe, maybe there's a possibility that this is, that this is a bigger struggle for you than you think you know.
Speaker 2:Do you agonize over very small mistakes or flaws, or are you very you know sensitive to constructive criticism? Do you think that everybody's inevitably going to just find out who you really are, or do you downplay your own expertise, even when you know that you probably is something that you really have by the horns and you really know what you're doing? What does it feel like? It's an inability to realistically assess your competence and skills. You constantly berate your own performance. You feel like you're never going to live up. You have the self-doubt all the time, sabotaging this is a little repetitive or just overachieving. So, thinking about those things though, if these are a lot of things you identify with, you can go your whole life with it. I mean, apparently I'm 51, so I've probably went my whole life with some of these things. But and you know this, so this is not news to you but living in this and not getting to the place of okay, man, I see that and I got to fix it. How can I fix it.
Speaker 2:The self-sabotaging can also be because you're holding yourself back. You already are somebody, but you're holding yourself back from what you could really do and we can look around, like I can look around at people and think they are not reaching their full potential, and it's the same, probably, that I could probably look at you, probably look at me and think, because I know we've had conversations about things that, like I just I won't do and I will not step out and do. This play was a huge being. This play was a huge deal for me. It's insane, yeah, it's a huge deal for me, um, but they don't reach their full potential because of some of these things.
Speaker 2:But and it would be amazing, probably in my own life I'm going to use me as an example again for a second of things I might have, could have already really accomplished or done had I not had this internal struggle that goes on in my head sometimes with some of these things. There's a few things that have been on my list, you know I've talked about before. I met with Corey Lee and I had goals and I had things, but there's things I still will not walk into and try to do, and I know that some of them probably are because of these things, but how much could you do, and even going even a step further. You and I have talked about those, sometimes some of the things in your life that you need to be doing, or so that other people can see it and they can know I can do that, they've done that and I can do that and I've told you.
Speaker 2:For me, what's important right now is doing things to show my girls you can do anything you want to do. You can be anybody. You want to be my son too, but just some of the things identify more like with them, like you can own a business, you can step out on a stage, you can lead a ministry that you think you're not capable of leading. But you got to get out of your head with some of this stuff and, like you said, no number one. Yet you are already somebody. You are worthy. God knew who you were before you were ever born. He put stuff in you and it's not him that's telling you you don't deserve for anybody to appreciate anything you do. You don't deserve accolades, you don't deserve success. That's not him, right, that's right.
Speaker 1:And it's easy, it's easy to get. I like what you said the story in your head. Are you getting out of your mind? Because it is so hard to get out of your mind? Because, let's just be honest, you do this, I do this. You know, we work out a lot and we've talked about that ad nauseum. We work out a lot and when I take my shirt off at the house, I see every imperfection, I see every piece of cake I ate. You know, somebody else may say, well, dang, he's in good shape, you know, but me as a person, in my head I see flaws, I see things that need to be fixed or I see things that need to be changed, and so it's hard sometimes to to take compliments and to say, oh well, thanks, you know, I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:And instead of being the all shucks guy, you know, or oh, you know it's, you know whatever, and especially as Christians, because we know we're supposed to be humble and have humility. But then just like what? Like in my instance? You know, you can, you can be rude and you can be. Yeah, and you can. You can know you can cut people off Because as Christians we struggle, because our whole life we're told you have to be humble and so it's and and there that is true right.
Speaker 1:The Bible talks about humility, it talks about being humble, and that pride comes before the fall. And you know, arrogance is is just detestable that's it.
Speaker 2:There's a difference, but there's a difference in arrogance and what we're talking about. Yeah, yeah, because we all know those people who are arrogant and you're like you don't have to tell them that they they look good or they smell good or they did something good, because they're gonna tell you they're gonna beat you.
Speaker 1:You don't have to tell them they're great because they've got the tattoo that says I'm great on their chest. You know what I'm saying like, and again, some of that just comes from a background of steel. I would still believe that there are people like that, who put on that air and that arrogance, that go home and know that's the difference. I think sometimes there are people like that and I'm not talking about somebody specific, but there are people like that that go home and absolutely know they're a fraud. You know what I'm saying. They don't feel like they are, they know they are. And I laughed one time, oh my God. We were in Chattanooga one day and I think we were walking down around the river or whatever, and I was telling you about this guy. He posted he's an influencer somewhere. I can't remember who it was, it's a moot point, but he was an influencer somewhere and he was posting about his house and his car and these cool things that he had. And the guy was flipping social media and he said wait a minute. He said that's my house. He said it's an Airbnb that he was renting for the week and probably got the car. Yeah, come to find out the guy had had had leased a car, like off a Turo and he had leased his Airbnb and he was posting influencer photos and, and so that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, that guy goes home and knows he's a fraud, but the difference in in somebody like him and somebody like you is that you're not. You're the same person here that you are at home. But it's weird when people compliment you. It's weird when people say so.
Speaker 1:There is the humility factor as a Christian, but then there's also the things that the Bible says that if you will exercise your gift, that God's gifting and callings are without repentance, and men and women and this is true I've talked about this the other day if you have a gift from God, it works, no matter where you are and I know it sounds whatever.
Speaker 1:But if you have an ability to sing, play, dance whatever, god wants you to use that for him. But if you go and use it for something else, for your own gain guess what? It still works. That's why some of your best politicians should have been preachers. That's why some of your best singers grew up in the church and they took the gift and used it somewhere else, but it still works. But the Bible says that your gift will make room for you and bring you before great men. So, in humility, it's okay to be humble and give honor to God for what he gives you, but then there's also a place to where God will put you in a seat of prominence and open a door for you that can never be opened by yourself, and so that's where sometimes you have to work and say you know what, I'm not worthy per se, but God has made me worthy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, and I just thought about what you said about God you know providing a seat and opening a door. I think that's it. Sometimes you have to, and I just thought about what you said about God, you know providing a seat and opening a door.
Speaker 1:I think that's it. Sometimes you have to realize I'm supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be here. Say it, that's good, yeah, but I didn't.
Speaker 2:It's not by just luck or whatever. I need to be here and be thankful that I'm here. But understand, I am here for this season and this time or whatever it is, because God wants me to. God may want this to be before men and men to know about it, because there is somebody out there. There may be a little girl that wants to know that she can do this or that, or there may be a person out there that thinks they'll never be able to their dream will never come true to own a business. But they can. So sometimes I think that that's what we don't understand is I am supposed to be here. I'm not a fraud, I'm not a phony. I'm supposed to be exactly where I am.
Speaker 1:I'm supposed to be here. That's a really good thing. Listen, I'll tell you I don't believe in luck. I'm sorry you listen to this podcast. You believe in luck. God bless you. That's good. I don't believe in luck. I believe in providential appointments. I believe that God directs our path.
Speaker 1:The Bible says that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God and I believe that, as you see God, that I believe that he orders your steps and he will put you in situations and doors you could never get on by yourself. And then it opens the door of influence, just like you said, because you said it was just so good. When you said that, I thought what if there's that young girl who's in a really bad family and it's really people who are telling her you suck, you'll never be nothing, you're awful, you're ugly, you can't do this. But somebody like you I'm not just you, but somebody like you steps on a stage and they think there's something about that that inspires me, that I think I can do that and it brings you to. I'm telling you that is a powerful, powerful thing. And so I think how do you move past that? How do you take a step in the right direction?
Speaker 2:Well, I think you can ask yourself a few questions. What beliefs do I hold about myself? Do I believe I'm worthy of love as I am, and why do I think I need to be perfect? And do I have to be perfect for other people to approve of me? Those are questions you have to ask. And then there's some things that Jessica said that I thought were real good.
Speaker 1:So what's a step in the right direction?
Speaker 2:Be honest with yourself about the story you choose to tell yourself about yourself, and that's that's. That's really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because if you'll be honest with the story you tell yourself about yourself, I know what I believe about you, but there's things I know about me that I tell myself over and over and over.
Speaker 2:I I.
Speaker 1:I'm not an Apple music guy. I know that sounds crazy. You love Apple music and I'll say this I'm a Pandora guy. Sorry, I'm an old school. It's on Apple music. When you go search a song right, unless you create a station or create a playlist if you search that song, that song will play over and over and over and over. I've had pink skies on my, on my playlist there, and it just plays it. Every time I get in the car it plays it. I'm like, oh my God, let's play a different song, but because that's on repeat and you as a person, different song, but because that's on repeat. And you as a person, there are things in your mind that you have on repeat, whether it's something your daddy said, whether it's something your mama said, your pastor, your friend, your, your whomever somebody gave you something in your heart and in your mind and you've got it on repeat and you automatically have those negative thoughts that play over and over and over and just being vulnerable one last time.
Speaker 2:I think for me, the thing I say sometimes to myself is you don't deserve this. So and I think and I know I'm probably not the only one um, she says also a lot of times people have automatic negative thoughts. Well, that's probably you know mine that I just said that they play on repeat in their minds. So what do you do? You challenge the negative thoughts that you have. You ask yourself if those thoughts are true and productive. Well, obviously, for me that's an automatic no. And where do the thoughts come from? And that's sometimes you got to go a little deeper to really figure out where the thoughts came from.
Speaker 2:And then try to balance your negative thinking with truthful, positive thinking. And I think that would be absolutely helpful for me or anybody else who may kind of identify with this. Balance out your negative thinking with your truthful, positive thinking. And then this goes back to the mirror and what we were talking about. Ask someone you trust for a list of honest, positive things about yourself. You know I've been at church retreats before and other places where they about yourself. You know I've been at, we've been, I've been church retreats before and other places where they say you know, get an index card and I want you to write something nice about everybody in the room, and so those are. Um, those are helpful sometimes and there's people that don't know you that may say things like I've told you before somebody says I'm sweet if somebody says I'm sweet, I know they do not know me, I am kind and I believe that to be true.
Speaker 2:But once if I am kind and I do care about people, but like sweet is like Aunt B on Andy Griffith, I don't think that's but Aunt. B wasn't that sweet either. I thought Aunt B was precious but sweet. So anyway. But yes, the positive things, like ask people that you trust for honest, positive things about yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's really good, because you know, she said you got to challenge the negative thoughts and ask if they're true and productive. Well, the story we tell ourselves sometime is just not true, and I will, I will, I will bring it back around to this. The story I told myself last week was it you didn't care about me? Because if you did, you would, you would have responded back to me. Well, that was just not true. The truth is is that you are the absolute best partner I could ever have at my house. You love me unconditionally. You take care of anything and everything that moves, and I never, ever, wonder who or what you are. But just that one lie that I allowed myself to believe and have a negative on repeat because of something stupid and it's not stupid, but something silly like that that it caused my mind to get messed up. But then I go back and if I wait, against the truth, the truth is that you love me. The truth is that you have poured your heart out to me and your mercy out to me for 34 years. That's the truth and it's not productive.
Speaker 1:So Philippians talks about that. You got to think on positive things and I'm just paraphrasing here things that are noteworthy, things that are good, you know, and quit focusing on negative stuff. And I think the more you do that, I think the better you would be. And I like ask someone you trust for a list of honest things about yourself. And that's different, actually, because when I read that I thought of some flaws, I thought. But then I read no, wait, wait, ask for a list of honest, positive things. Don't tell me all the things that I am, that are, that are wrong, because I know those. Why don't you tell me some good things about myself? Tell me what you really see that's really good about me. And I'm telling you, man, I'm not trying to get emotional, but that just hit me hard. Tell me what's good about me. What am I doing?
Speaker 2:Right yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and and I think there's something in that that helps you feel worthy and think you know what. I'm not trash, I'm not a terrible dad, I'm not a terrible husband, I'm not a terrible friend, I'm not a terrible wife, I'm not a terrible pastor, I'm not a terrible. There's value. And then, of course, last thing Jessica says is that if you can't get through those things that you do need to see yeah, that's what I was going to say Of a professional and I think that's good as well, and our intention today is not to fix anybody but, for me personally.
Speaker 2:My intention is is that you know, maybe maybe there's somebody listening that needs to be aware of that, because you may be holding yourself back from your potential to be used in your church, to be used in your career, just to be able to look in the mirror longer at yourself and not run away or hide out from people or all those things. So you know if this is deeper for you and you cannot move past these things, and you know you can't reach your full potential without really getting to the root of it and fixing it. Yes, I mean, I absolutely encourage you. I always feel like, I feel like counseling. I I just think every, I think it should be something automatic.
Speaker 2:I wish our health care system took care of it for every marriage, every, every person's mental health or you know, but it, but it always doesn't. But yeah, our friend at tupelo marriage and family therapy and counseling, and she's I know she's got some great people there too, because I know some of the people that are there. But there's other places. Like you know, I I don't want to. So I'm 51, but I don't want to be 61 thinking I still didn't do any of those things because I held myself back because of my thinking that's right.
Speaker 1:So, hey, work on your thinking and be able to look at yourself in the mirror for a while, and I think that that really really will help, and so I hope you've enjoyed today. We've been a little transparent with you and we want you to know us, because we want to bring you into our Saturday morning breakfast table and just let you know what really makes us tick and how we really talk.
Speaker 2:And I don't think anybody would want your gluten-free biscuits though. You did, but you didn't because you made them for me, yeah.
Speaker 1:Hey, thank you so much for listening this morning. If you find somebody that's going in the direction you want to go, hop in the flow with them and go that direction and your life can change incredibly. Thank you so much for listening to us. God bless the pressure. I've been wanting this forever. I've been in the field with whatever they throw at me, brush it off, pick myself up, moving on to the better. Ain't no errors, baby, it's a new era. I wake up early, feeling rich like I'm Kesha. I get to the paper.
