Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
Who's Riding Shotgun in Your Life Journey?
Ever wondered who should really be part of your inner circle? In this thought-provoking episode, Brad and Tiffany break down the concept of "the people on your bus" – a powerful metaphor borrowed from Jim Collins' "Good to Great" that helps us understand who belongs in our lives and where.
Your life journey resembles a vehicle with distinct seating sections, each representing different relationship levels. The coveted "shotgun" position belongs to your most crucial relationship – ideally your spouse – who helps navigate your course and keeps you alert to life's possibilities. Your second row holds family and close friends who provide support and perspective, while the back seats contain more peripheral relationships that still contribute value but require greater intentionality to maintain.
Brad and Tiffany share personal stories about relationship challenges they've faced, including friends who weren't actually supportive of their marriage. With refreshing honesty, they discuss how to recognize when someone isn't a "safe person" for your life journey – even when that person might be family. They offer practical wisdom on evaluating new relationships, letting go of connections that have run their course, and handling disagreements with your spouse about who belongs in your inner circle.
"Close the door lightly" when relationships end, they advise, because you never know when circumstances might bring you back together. Remember that many valuable relationships are seasonal – meant to serve a specific purpose during a particular life chapter rather than lasting forever.
Whether you're struggling with toxic relationships, wondering how to prioritize connections, or simply looking to create a healthier community around you, this episode provides the roadmap you need. Subscribe to the Hustle Flow podcast for more conversations that blend practical wisdom with spiritual insight for navigating life's complex journeys.
Hey, good morning. Good morning, this is Brad, with my wife, tiffany. We are the host of the Hustle Flow podcast, just coming to you this morning. We're going to be talking this morning about the people on your bus and we'll explain more about what that looks like. But good morning, tiffany. Good morning, tell me something fun.
Speaker 2:Going to one of my favorite places this weekend. Yes, you are which also happens to be one of your least favorite places. That's why you're not going. You're excited that I found some other people to go with me Going to New Orleans.
Speaker 1:Thank y'all.
Speaker 2:I love it. I think it's one of my dreams to have a house, maybe in Louisiana, but I'm torn between New Orleans and on the bayou. I've told you we need to go stay at an Airbnb on the bayou so that I can get that out of my system, to know if that would just really be hot and yucky and way too many mosquitoes. I think I've got the. What is that movie? Lake Placid.
Speaker 1:Lake Placid's in New York.
Speaker 2:Well, but okay, then I don't know where it is anyway. Anyway, the whole crocodile in the bayou thing, I don't know, it just seems. I don't know. I don't know either it just seems like it would be great to just have a little summer place, on the bayou, I guess, or in New Orleans.
Speaker 1:All I think about when it comes to the Bayou is the skeleton key. Oh yeah. The skeleton key. Yes, that crazy lady who was devil possessed and was taking over their bodies and stuff like that. So like that's what I think about and, yeah, I'm happy I'm not going to New Orleans.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know you are. You know You're going to do something fun.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. That's funny. I'm doing a 24-hour race on Saturday to Sunday, so that's fun for me, and so we're going to both this weekend. We're going to have fun on our own, with our own family and friends, your version and my version.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely, however. So that brings us to our today's subject is the people on your bus. Now, where does this come from If you've ever read the book good to great, Jim Collins? Jim Collins talks about the bus and he talks about the people on your bus. He said sometimes, as a company, as a, as a ministry, as a, as a whatever, there are people on your bus that don't need to be on your bus. And he said if there are people on your bus that don't want to be on your bus, then you get them off your bus. He said, however, there are people that are on your bus that are in the wrong seat and you have to rearrange the bus and make it effective for your company, your church, whatever. So it's an adaptation of Jim Collins' Good to Great book, but we're talking about the people on your bus.
Speaker 1:So life is about seasons, and we have talked a lot about the seasons of our life and various things we've went through. And as you grow, no matter where you are in your marriage, you're going to go through seasons. There will be seasons where it's without kids. There will be seasons with kids. There will be seasons where you have job change. There'll be seasons where kids will go to school, won't go to school. There'll be seasons to where you'll start church. You may quit church. There'll be seasons to where you'll have family members who pass away. There's all kinds of seasons in your life, and so with seasons, you're going to be surrounded by tons of relationships, and so is there anything? Is there any season in your life maybe and I know I put you on the spot and you're like, please don't do this, but is there any season of your life over 35 years to where it has been better than the other because of people? Is there a time in your life that you can finally think about?
Speaker 2:Disclaimer we've been married 35 years, but I am not 35 years old, so over my life would be 50 years where my life has been better with people? Oh, absolutely. But now you also know that I love people around. If I had my way, my bus would be a very, very large bus with lots and lots and lots of seats.
Speaker 1:Um this is true, yes, this is like a party bus without the stripper pole yes, yes and my bus would absolutely.
Speaker 2:My bus is my bus is a party bus absolutely but, um, yeah, I mean there's definitely parts of my life that have been better with, with you know, certain people and different people around, for sure, yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's the thing I think when you think about relationships and you think about people. Look, god did not design us to be alone. I, I, I enjoy being alone Sometimes. Mike and I were talking earlier about running. Sometimes it's cathartic. It gives you that clear channel and you think about whatever's going on in your life and he talks about. That's where he gets his sermons, that's places to where I get things in my life, whether it's sermons or whether it's just ideas, and I have that. But it's not good. Last week my brother came over and ran 10 miles with me and you came and joined us for about four and a half miles and we're both yappers.
Speaker 2:So I was laughing because you're talking about it being quiet and cathartic, and when you run with me, it is anything but quiet and cathartic.
Speaker 1:It is not.
Speaker 2:It is not Because I eventually make you take your headphones out so you can listen to what I'm saying, because I eventually make you take your headphones out so you can listen to what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:But what I was going to say is that you will run better with people in your life than you run by yourself. Right, because they're going to push you, and it makes it easier when you have people around you Like, for me, it just makes running. It made it easier. It was still hard, but it made it just easier because we're talking, we're going about our business, but you have people on the journey with you, and that's how I believe that God has designed us is that he's designed us for relationship. He's designed you for relationship. He didn't design you to sit on the couch with your hands in your pockets watching TV until it's time to go to bed. He designs you for relationship and I think that as seasons go, you're going to find different relationships. You're going to find different relationships in your life.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about the bus. Let's talk about the people on your bus and maybe what that looks like We've talked about. Maybe you have people on your bus who's not right to be on your bus. Let's talk about the people on your bus and maybe what that looks like you know we've talked about, maybe that you have people on your bus. Who's not right to be on your bus. We have people that maybe are in the wrong seats. But let's talk about let's just use the minivan, let's go, let's let's size it down to a minivan because, you're right, you would have a party bus. I can see your party bus. I mean there's lights going and there's music and it's snacks. You got snacks. They're usually weird snacks, like toffee nut snacks or like strange stuff. They're not going to be just real. You know what I'm saying? They're not going to be. You're not going to get on there and have real just like M&Ms. They're going to be like toffee nut M&Ms. So it's always going to be some strange snacks, but you, you'll have snacks and you'll have that.
Speaker 1:My bus is more of a learning bus. It's the teaching bus. It's more the deep thought bus. It's more the provocative type mind thing. You know that's my bus Thought provoking. Yeah, it's very docile and we're going to have some good music on. That's maybe some like 80s country, some Don Williams or some Hank or something like that, and we're going to have a good time. But it's going to be different. So our buses are different, but the seats are the same as to what your bus may look like. So let's talk about what that looks like. Let's talk about the front seat of a bus. What does that look like? What is the front seat of your bus? What is the front seat of your, your bus? What does the front seat of your, your mobile? What does it look?
Speaker 2:like Well, you know, ideally I mean this is not always the case Ideally, the person who, if your spouse it should be your spouse sitting beside you If you're not married, but it should be the person in the beside you that is the best for you, that's going to give you the best directions, guide my minivan somewhere, or giving me advice and giving me directions Well, that's just absolutely no good. The person that should be up at the front is the person that's going to help you get where you're going and give you the best advice and the best directions, and all of that.
Speaker 1:Well, and so let's, let's think of it this way what is the most outside of the driver, the most important seat in any car? The passenger and what's it called? I'm going to ride shotgun. Shotgun, yeah, and I don't know why they say that. I don't know why I do because that it comes from a term to where that was the person who would protect whatever with a shotgun. That's where it come from. They're riding shotgun because they're protecting the driver. That's how that originated. And so our kids, man, they would pull hair, yeah, they would fight and like like, get in and lock doors and like I mean it was, I've got and and before, like we would even go out of the house somebody's calling shotgun. They would wake up at six in the morning, shotgun, and then you're like you can't call shotgun till you actually go outside, like you know, we there's, but shotgun's an important place.
Speaker 1:Riding shotgun is is is probably the most important place in your life. And I like what you said you need to find somebody who's going to ride shotgun with you and be in that front seat, who's going to be the best for you, who's going to give you the best directions, because what is the front seat? Does. The front seat is the one that helps you chart your course is the one that helps you chart your course. Now, you and I you know you're my geographical navigational person when I'm in a, in a busy city, um, I will ask you, hey, where are we going? And you're pretty good about it, you know, but that front seat is the one that helps you chart your course. Well, where are we going? Okay, what exit do I need to be looking for? And that's where I think, if you're married, you have to have your spouse in the front seat. You have to have your spouse as your your ride or die that they say. And you have to have that spouse or your significant other there, because they're the ones going to be interacting with you the most and they're the one that's going to be talking to you.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I wrote down is they're actually going to be helping keep you awake. Now, I thought about that this morning. It's more than because we drive late nights Sometimes. Sometimes we drive long distances and you know just, we're tired, and the worst stretch for me is between Jasper, alabama, and Tupelo, mississippi. That is the worst stretch of road. It is so boring. There's nothing there, they built a new pilot, and it is awful, and I get so sleepy, but you help keep me awake.
Speaker 1:And with that, though, the people in your life that are in the front seat with you, they'll keep you awake. They won't allow you to go to sleep on life. They won't allow you to go to sleep on your family. They won't allow you to go to sleep on your marriage. They won't allow you to go sleep on on God. They won't allow you that's that's kind of how I think is that it's an important place. So I think that the front seat is probably the most pivotal relationship that you'll have, and if you're not careful with that, you'll put somebody in the front seat that don't need to be there, and and it can be dangerous for you, it'll be dangerous for your life. So who do we put in the second seat?
Speaker 2:Family, close friends. Okay, If we were doing circles, I'd say your second, your, that'd be your first circle or your second circle, but your second circle.
Speaker 1:but your Probably second circle.
Speaker 2:First circle? I don't know First circle, but yeah, family, close friends that are that are also going to help you look out. I know I was on a lady's trip and my um, my shotgun rider helped me, but the ladies right behind me were giving me weather updates because we were driving parallel to the tornadoes yeah a few saturdays ago, right, and so the ladies right behind me.
Speaker 2:Now I did get tickled. Somebody said like I don't know how many times you could say rotation in a three hour time period, but they, they were talking about the rotations a lot, but we were running, we were, we were driving parallel to all those tornadoes, and so those ladies kept the weather apps pulled up and was telling me it says that you're just 20 minutes ahead of it coming through here or whatever, and so I think those people also can help look out for you and tell you what's coming and what you may not you know, and just also be, yeah, be those people that that protect and keep you, keep you awake and keep you. They hold your, you know, they also hold your, since they're the closest to you, they see the most, and they also hold your stuff, your, you know, your, your trust and well, they that.
Speaker 1:So you think about that second seat. There, that second seat, you interact with them almost as much as you interact with the front seat. Right, not quite the same. There's a. There is a difference. But that second seat is the interaction. It's family, it's close friends and it's those type people.
Speaker 1:They're gonna feed you snacks. You know what I'm saying? Hey, what's in that bag back there? Hey, hand me some of those. Hand me some of those cookies back there. Is there? Is there a water? Is there, like a diet, dr Pepper? Is there something back there? Hand me that. And they're going to. They're going to vibe with you Like they're going to, they're going to want to use your charger. You know they're going to. You know they're going to help vibe with you on your journey, and so it's important to not only have that front seat set. You want to have people around you in that second seat. That will help you in your life as well, and so that's important too. Then I think in in the third seat. Let's just talk about the back of the bus. What does the back of the bus look like?
Speaker 2:that is, those fringe relationships yeah, it's probably your third circle of yeah, the the people that are maybe not as not as on the inside they may they're, and they're also in their own world. They don't know what's going on up in the front. They haven't. You don't know what's going on back there and they don't know what's going on up there. So you don't, you know, so you don't know what's going on back there and they don't know what's going on up there. So you don't want to just stick them in in the last second in the front seat or interchange them, because they have no idea what's going on.
Speaker 1:They're usually the ones that's going to be hollering hey, I've got to stop and pee but there's some kind of disconnect between the front seat and the back seat, because those people are on their own. So what does that mean? So that doesn't mean that you don't have any kind of relationship with these people. They're on the journey with you and we're talking about just we're using a car, but we're also just talking about how you space people in your life, based on who they are and what they are and what they bring to your life. And so you have to be intentional with those kind of people. You have to actually turn the radio down and you actually have to look in the mirror and you have to speak to them in the back hey, are y'all okay back there? What's going on back there? What are y'all laughing about? You know you have to intentionally make conversation and be friends with those people, and so that's the, that's intentionality with that third set of people. So there has to be space, and I think that Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thinking about the intentionality we were talking this morning about people that maybe and it was specific actually to people who we don't go to church with anymore Like you can try to be intentional and I know we'll talk about when they're not in the seats anymore at all on your bus. But you can try to be intentional and keep people in those back seats and as long as you're both being intentional you know they're back there and they know you're up there they stay. You know they do stay in the seat, but intentional is right. Like you with the third seat people, the back row people, you do have to be intentional or they're probably not going to stay in the seat, yeah, and if they're not intentional with you, they're not going to stay on your van in the seat, yeah, and if they're not, intentional with you.
Speaker 1:They're not going to stay on your van, no, they and they won't, and that's so. That's where you have to really decide and you have to measure it. I think you have to measure relationships and you have to really take stock of what this relationship really is. My friend, my family, all these people, what is this relationship really bringing to my life? And I told you yesterday, I think, that when you look at a relationship, I think there's three things that you look at.
Speaker 1:I think one relationship that you look at when you bring somebody into your life is this a relationship where I'm supposed to be a mentor. Am I supposed to take this person under my wing and mentor this person? And I have people, and I don't know why. I mean I have people a lot of times approach me. Hey, I'd like you to be my mentor and I'm going to be honest with you, I'm not called to be everybody's mentor and so just because you want me to doesn't mean that I can. So you have to decide if this person coming in my life, am I supposed to be a mentor to them? And if you are, then you have to embrace that.
Speaker 1:The other part is that if you're not supposed to be a mentor. Is this person supposed to be a peer? If they're a peer, then we're equal and you can become a friend in my life and we can have commonality. And then the final thought process is if they're not, you're not to mentor them and they're not a peer, then are they supposed to be your mentor? Yeah, is there something you can learn from them? And that's how I measure relationships, and I've had to learn how to do that. The older I get, and I've had to learn how to do that, the older I get, because not every relationship is right for me. I can't be friends with everybody. I can be an acquaintance with them, I can be a Facebook friend with them, I can say happy birthday on Facebook, but getting on my bus does that make sense? Getting on my bus requires a different level of commitment from you and from me, and it depends on where you fit on that bus.
Speaker 2:And I think that's hard for me sometimes is because I think I prefer sometimes definitely first to be a peer but then even to be a mentee, and it's real hard to find mentors. But when I realize I'm a mentor, that means we can't sometimes be peers, and so that requires a different commitment from me and I realize, okay, this is a different commitment and I also have to be careful and guard what I might share or be as a peer. When I realize I'm a mentor too, that's a good thought. And sometimes too, if I realize I'm a mentee, then I also need to realize that I need to require less of somebody. If I'm supposed to be somebody's mentee, that I don't need to pull on them every day and expect them to text me all day, every day and to send me funny memes back and all that. I need to realize that if I'm a mentee, then I'm requiring something from them and I need to respect their time.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I need to respect, you know, whatever it is that they give me and when they give it to me, and realize that and that's a good point, because the more relationship you have, the more relationship you have, the more access you have to somebody.
Speaker 1:But then you also have to respect that relationship, whether and that's it you've got to decide is it a mentor, is it a peer, or is or am I supposed to mentor you? That's you have to think about that. Yeah, the other thing is you've got to have safe people in your life. Do you want to talk about that?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, trust is huge for me. If I can't trust you and I've gotten to where now I don't even like I don't have time to waste time on relationships. I don't have time to waste time on relationships when I'm in a new relationship, like you know, doing the play was new for me. I was reunited with some people that I hadn't seen, and then some of them were new, but right off the bat we were talking about you know, we'll all be friends forever and I said we'll be all friends forever. But for me, you know, I have to trust you Absolutely. I have to trust you Absolutely If I cause I'm a very, I'm a very, um, it doesn't take you long to get to all the levels of me and to really know me. But if I show you all of me and you go out and tell everybody about you know, she's so funny, she was cutting up and this is what, whatever, like, then I can't and I can't trust you. Then I'm done Right and so.
Speaker 2:Or even if I'm just, you know, having a struggle with a kid, if I'm having we're in ministry, if I'm having a struggle with ministry, like, that needs to stay where it stays. So the whenever you know you need people that you can bear your heart, bear your soul with. That are safe people and marriage. You have to have safe people because you know you don't need. I don't need a girlfriend. That's telling me that just wants me to be single so that I can go hang out and do things with her. That's all the time telling me, like you don't need that, you don't have to put up with that, you know you can find somebody better. You just don't even have to put up. You'd be so happy without all that. Like I don't need that person talking in my ear and being that person for me. That's right.
Speaker 1:And I think that finding safe people is so important. Everybody's not for your marriage and you know this is not just about marriage, this is about life in general but everybody's not for your marriage. Everybody doesn't want your marriage to succeed. There are people who don't care about your marriage at all, they just just want you. And it's not that they want some kind of like weird sexual relationship, that's not what I'm talking about. But sometimes they just want you and they want you isolated from your spouse, from your marriage, from your family, because they want you and you have to be very careful and some people are just jealous.
Speaker 2:you'll have family members, a sister or whoever, whoever or it could be a brother, I don't know a mama, mama that did not want you to get married. They're just jealous and don't want you to be in that relationship and they're not a safe person for you. They've got to move out of their seat in the bus. If mama is behind your husband and she's sitting on that middle bench seat but all she's doing is trying to constantly claw for shotgun, then mama's got to get off the bus, probably completely for a while, or move to the way to the back or something. So, yes, you've got to have safe people in your life, but in your marriage as well.
Speaker 1:That's hard to hear, though. That's hard for people to hear is that their family may not be safe people for their marriage. And I'll tell you this Sometimes your family is not safe for your marriage because they know you and they sometimes want the best for you, but sometimes they are jealous and sometimes they don't like it, and so you have to put safe people in your life and listen. It's we're going to, I'm going to. Next, I'm going to tell you about new people. That's where you have to. I'm a. I'm a. I'm a guardian of new people in our life. My wife could walk down to Walmart and pick up 14 new people and bring them home. Me. I may go down to Walmart for 15 years and find one person I may eventually bring to my house. So there's a difference in new people and I think it's because I want safe people in our life. Yeah, I want to protect what?
Speaker 2:we have, and I remember it's been a while back, but I, you know, I had a friend that your, our marriage was good but and we went to church with her and I became good friends with her and you were always a little hesitant about her, but I wasn't really catching on to how often she was just siding with me. And my problem too is I started just, I would just talk about little things that I didn't think even were a big deal I would share, like with her. Like you know, I can't even remember now, it's been 15 years ago probably, or 20. And I would just share something small. And then I started realizing the more little things I would share. She would just start telling me that you know, I could do better and I deserved somebody better. And I didn't pick up on it until later when she said if you weren't with him, you'd be so good with my brother, y'all make a great.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh wait, what up, bro? Yeah, I didn't pick up on it. Yeah, I think he went to church with us too. Yeah, he did. I didn't even pick up on. Oh, this is what's happening. I just thought she's being a friend. You know how your friends are like girl, he's stupid, he don't need to be doing that or whatever. I didn't realize there was a serious intent behind it, how unsafe you know it really was, and so, yes, like you have to pick up on those people that are not safe and in the wrong seat, yeah, Well, I think what was happening.
Speaker 1:She wanted to move you from the backseat to the second seat as a sister-in-law. I think that's what it was. We're moving from friendship to sister-in-law. Baby, you get to feed me snacks on this back seat, but safe people, man, I'm telling you it's important and new people. So I wrote this down because sometimes it's just easier for me to think about. You know what happens and how do you handle when new people are introduced into your life and marriage. Now I'll say this We've talked about this. This is nothing, whatever the play where you were introduced to some new people. And I'm telling you, man, new people, weird me out. I'm. I'm here to tell you new people, weird me out, because you're a no new friends yeah.
Speaker 1:It's not. I don't know about no new friends. I think that because I want to protect our marriage and our family, I want to know why are you here? Tell me, why are you here? And that was one of the things I wrote down. Where did you come from? A new people, new people in your life? Where did you come from? Why are you here? What purpose are you serving by being in our life?
Speaker 1:And sometimes God will bring people into your circle, but sometimes you go find them. So that's where I think it gets weird for me is that I question why is this new person in my life? Does it go back to the mentor relationship? Does it go back to me being mentored by you? Is it a peer relationship? Is it a friendship that God's bringing along? You know I've talked about my friend, keith. Keith, god brought him along several years ago and you know at the time I didn't really know Keith that well, but we got to be friends and now you know that relationship is something I depend on. So it's not that I don't embrace new people ever, because Keith was a new person at one point in my life. Michael was a new person at one point in my life, you know. So you have to question new people. You have to question them, yeah, and protect, because you want to protect and have safe people in your life. So let's talk about how do you let people go.
Speaker 2:Man, that's that one's so hard for me and it is hard for you, that is really I want you to talk about it.
Speaker 2:It is really really hard for me and I will mourn. People get trying to get off my bus or that don't want to be in the even the third circle anymore, sometimes way longer than I need to, and I don't. I don't know. I don't know if, if I don't know if it's a female thing, it may not be, I don't know if it's just people in general, but it is hard for me to realize when we neither I need to move somebody off the bus, but I'm just not good at that. So sometimes God will have to move them out for me, Right? Or? Or I guess they'll want to get off and it's so hard for me.
Speaker 2:Imagine somebody wants to get off my bus. It's real hard for me. But you know, talking about family and friends, you know I've had people that we've been closely connected to at church, but then, when they were not at our church anymore, I've wanted to stay friends and I've Snapchat it or I've commented on Facebook and and I've sent a text here and there, and then you realize over time you're the only one doing that.
Speaker 2:There's no you thought you were going to be friends, or friends forever, if the Lord is the Lord of them that song, um, I forgot who it is yeah. But then you realize that they just don't really want to be on your bus anymore and that's hard, hard for me. But I've had, you know, a couple of times. I've had significant, strong female relationships with somebody and realized that they do not want to be on my bus anymore. And you know, we've been at life events for each other and all those things, and so letting go is hard for me. So, and I don't know sometimes if it's in with some of them, things just happen. But then with others I can look and go. Okay, god did not want them in my bus anymore and I need to quit trying to. You know, every week going by their house trying to get them back on my bus, Not in a stalker way, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, well, and I knew that that was hard for you and that's why I wanted you to speak on it, because it is hard, though I'm not the same as you, I can cut a relationship a little easier sometimes, but it is hard letting relationships go. Yeah, because sometimes I don't understand why the relationship ended.
Speaker 2:Right, that's real hard. I don't know if guys are like this, but I know that females are for sure it's so hard and I I know I don't know if guys are like this, but I know that females are for sure it's so hard when you just don't know why, you don't know what happened and you don't know was there something I did? Was there something I said, especially if it was a very if you look on that relationship and it was a great relationship and it was significant to you you don't really understand why it's even harder to you, know, I think, to let it, to let it go, and why, like you said, you don't know why it didn't.
Speaker 1:You know, we don't sometimes know why a relationship ends Cause it don't make sense Sometimes, you think, man, like we're texting, we're, we're hanging out together, we're going to dinner, we're spending time together and then all of a sudden we're not.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know that's happened several times, I think, over our life.
Speaker 2:It's just that you don't understand why that ends sometimes, when this was even something I was gonna talk about. You know, I don't know, I'll try to tiptoe around it, but I've even been at church and been great friends with people and you're all hanging out, you're going to dinner on church after sunday, or you're hanging out each other's house and then it just you find that they got new friends and that makes it so weird and so awkward because we're all still going to church together or we're all still doing this and like what happened, I didn't even know you planned to get off my bus and do whatever, and it just it's hard, it's weird when you're no longer in the circle or you're no longer but you know, but commonality is not friendship.
Speaker 1:And a lot of time, when you're a church together, it's commonality of purpose, but that's not true friendship. True friendship happens outside of commonality. Right, and that's what happens a lot of times. And I get it, man, you know, especially in organizations, whether it's church or business or whatever, you have one common purpose and it's easy to hang out and do stuff, but when you're not, you're right, it's that text that you send. Hey, hope you're doing good, hope things are great. It just falls deaf.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Or they're like I'm good.
Speaker 2:And that's you. You know that's what you get back. And yeah, that happened to me yesterday. Actually I've been constantly pursuing somebody and I did text and I got two words back and I said, okay, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep the bridge open. I hope they know that I love them and it was somebody that I I did that, that, I did go to church with that.
Speaker 2:I don't anymore and I don't, you know, and I just wanted to keep the bridge open and that's and that's important. Keep the bridge open, absolutely Like just keep. Keep everything open because you do not want to burn the bridge when you've got to move a relative off the bus. If you've got to move a sister-in-law or a brother-in-law or a or somebody off the bus, that's just causing drama and havoc in your life. Try to not burn down the bridge completely and tell them everything that you think just that's in your head. I don't even like your mama. Yeah, you know, don't say that. Keep the bridge open and keep, because you don't know if they may need to get back in your life at some point in time.
Speaker 1:But you gotta not burn that bridge and that's that's it with letting go. My saying is close the door lightly.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because you never know when you may have to open that door again and close the door lightly. Now, one of my favorite verses is Proverbs, chapter 22. It says that a prudent man sees danger and hides himself or takes refuge, but the simple keep going and they pay the penalty. Hides himself or takes refuge, but the simple keep going and they pay the penalty. Sometimes in relationships, even in letting go, you absolutely stay headlong in a relationship when God's trying to cut that relationship off. Yeah, he's sending up red flags. There's an unsteadiness in your spirit and you don't know why. You're like this don't make any sense. Like and I'll use mike as an example I love mike, there's nothing wrong with mike. But then all of a sudden god says hey, hey, hey, hey. And you're like there's nothing going on, and you're like. And then you're like no, I'm gonna keep going. And then you get caught up in whatever it is and I can tell you this if you're christian, no, I'm going to keep going.
Speaker 2:And then you get caught up in whatever it is.
Speaker 1:And I can tell you this If you're a Christian listening to this podcast, you better listen to your spirit when it comes to relationships, because God will say hey, and he'll give you a chance. So I think that that's really important Don't ignore the red flags or the uneasiness in your spirit. And then I think, finally, to answer this last question what do you do, how do you handle when you and your spouse don't agree on people to where they're supposed to be seated on the bus, or even if they're supposed to be on your bus at all? How do you handle that.
Speaker 2:I think you have to be cautious and if it's a relationship that's supposed to be, then being cautious and being patient and not getting all headlong into it, the relationship will still be there anyway. But I think you just have to be cautious. You have to be very transparent. You know whatever you need to do to make your spouse feel at ease about that person. But then if you start seeing the flags at your flag, you know you were right about the person in my life and I didn't see it for a while. And then, though, when she started talking about her brother, I was like oh, now, that was a big flag that would have been hard for me to miss.
Speaker 2:But I should have been picking up on the flags before that, but I just didn't want to. I wanted to, you know, do what I wanted to do. But I think you have to. I think you need to be transparent about that friend with your spouse and just go into it cautiously. And then, of course, you know everybody may not agree, but I think if it continues to be a problem, then it's just not worth it. It's not worth it. You've got to cut it loose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's hard. Yeah, that's hard that you have to prioritize your marriage over your friendships. And listen, I'll play the other side of that. Sometimes you just need to quit being jealous of your spouse's friends, because sometimes that happens too, and you don't want them to have any friends because you're jealous for everything all the time. So you have to work on that as well and you do have to weigh it out. And you know we go back to. Some people are seasonal.
Speaker 1:I can think of relationships over our life. There's been seasonal friends based on where we were, in our particular plot and time, and that doesn't discount the relationship or the value that that person or people may have brought to you, nor does it discount the value you may have brought to them. And I can think of somebody right now and this is not anything like if I call his name, it's not bad but Opie Hurst. Opie Hurst had a pivotal time in my life, two pivotal times actually, when we were first at Harrisburg and then another time back in the early 2000s. Opie was pivotal in my life and my formation and if you ever hear this, opie, I love you. Man, I wouldn't be where I'm at without you.
Speaker 2:And he's a great counselor.
Speaker 1:He's a great counselor, he's a great counselor yeah, but there again, that season in our life ended because we were different directions and whatever, but it never took the value away from that season and that friendship in my life. It was powerful. So they're seasonal and you're going to find yourself in just different relationships where you are.
Speaker 2:And I think, when you realize that a relationship might have been seasonal, um, either for you or for them, I think you just have to be thankful for for for that time that God brought them there or you know, whatever it was. Think you just have to be thankful for that time that God brought them there or whatever it was that you were able to accomplish in their life or they accomplished in your life during that time, and be thankful for it and not maybe keep trying to coerce them onto your bus and to stay in your circle and just realize that God had them there for a purpose and a season, or to write a chapter in your life for you to do the same for them, or for both, for each other and be grateful for that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think so.
Speaker 2:But I think it is important to realize the importance of relationships and what people play in your life. You know the roles they play. Yeah, absolutely Absolutely, and the roles they play.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely. I think that's a good place to stop, because I can't tell you every relationship, every person you have in your life is not a lifelong friend. They're just not. And you've got to realize the value of relationships in the timeframe of the relationship you're in.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And not discount it because it was only a year of your life, because I can tell you only a year of your life, cause I can tell you a year of your life can change your life. That's right. Yeah, the right person in your life for a year of your life can absolutely revolutionize your marriage. It can revolutionize your family, and I think about my kids, man, and the one thing that we've talked about is in the one prayer that I always have is God, put somebody in their life that will show them you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I can tell you and I don't care if it's a six month season of their life. It may be a lifelong friend, but it could be six months. God put somebody in their life and that's what we're talking about is recognizing the power of relationships but the right people on your bus, and watching your life grow and prosper. Any final work.
Speaker 1:That was a good. That was a good one. I actually really enjoyed that. Hey, thank y'all so much for listening. We do appreciate it. Give us a five-star review if you think we've earned it. Share this with your friends and continue to download. Thank you so much for listening. Yeah, let's see how you do under pressure. Oh yeah, I've been wanting this forever. I've been in the field with whatever they throw at me, brush it off, pick myself up, moving on to the better. Ok, hey, yeah, ain't no errors, baby, it's a new era. I wake up early, feeling rich like I'm Kesha. I get to the paper.
