Hustle & Flow
Join us for the wisdom, humor and insight from a married couple of 33 years on the hustle and flow of life.
We have worked so many types of jobs over 33 years. We have worked in the service industry, retail, corporate and blue collar work. We have been Realtors for 18 years, managing property, flipping houses and owning short term rentals. We have worked staff work which includes everything from Pastoring to Youth Pastoring to Children’s ministry.
We have been involved in CrossFit for over 11 years, owning a gym, coaching and actively working out. We are involved in Spartan races and travel the nation competing.
We own a Dessert Cafe called Crave in Downtown Tupelo that has been open since 2014. We currently have three locations.
We have raised four children and currently have two grandchildren. Family is of utmost importance to us.
We have a life full of stories that we can’t wait to share with you.
Hustle & Flow
May I have your undivided attention?
Time together doesn't always equal time well spent. Through nearly 35 years of marriage, we've learned that while quantity time happens naturally in a relationship, quality time requires intention, presence, and deliberate effort.
Quality time ranks as one of the five love languages for many people, but we believe it transcends preferences to become a fundamental pillar of any healthy relationship. When two people share a life together—whether they're working side by side, eating meals together, or simply occupying the same space—it's dangerously easy to confuse proximity with connection.
The distractions of our digital age have only deepened this challenge. Phones, watches, and constant notifications create an "attention economy" that steals focus from the persons physically present with us. True quality time means turning devices face down, making eye contact, asking meaningful questions, and genuinely listening to understand not just what your partner is saying, but who they're becoming.
The beauty of cultivating quality time is the foundation it creates for navigating difficult seasons together. After thousands of genuine conversations, even the most challenging discussions become possible because you've established trust through consistent, intentional connection. This principle extends beyond marriage to every important relationship in your life—children, friends, and family all benefit from the gift of your undivided attention.
We encourage you to examine your relationships this week. Are you simply occupying space together, or are you truly connecting? The difference might seem subtle, but the impact is profound. Turn your phone upside down. Look them in the eyes. Ask meaningful questions. Your relationships will thank you.
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Hey there, this is Brad and I'm with my wife, Tiffany, just coming to you this afternoon with the Hustle Flow podcast. How are you, Tiff?
Speaker 2:I'm good.
Speaker 1:Hey, we just want to come to you with another summer short. We're going to be talking today about quality time, and you don't want to get that confused with quantity time, so we're going to discuss that today. That's our key topic is quality time. So, tiffany, tell me about quality time for you.
Speaker 2:Quality. Tell me about quality time. For you, quality time is actually one of my love languages. I mean, there's five love languages, but that's one that's important to me.
Speaker 1:Right, so tell me why it's important to you.
Speaker 2:I think it's important to me because, especially like with us, we're together a lot. We go to the gym together, we eat three meals together. Well, you don't eat breakfast, you drink a shake every day, but so we're together a lot. So it's not that I take it for granted that we're together a lot, but you don't have a choice but to be with me because we work together. You're not with me for three meals necessarily, kind of because you know you want to be and because you're just sitting at my feet all day looking at me. It's because of a lot of the things that we do, we are together automatically. So quality time is important to me because I want time where you are just sitting and looking at me and not your phone, and where, even after we've been together all this time, that you still want to know my thoughts on something or you want to know me better, and so that's that's why it's important to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, and that makes sense. We've been uh, august will be 34 years for us, and so we've been together 35 years and we've only really been apart three of 35 years. Now, that doesn't mean that we spent every waking hour together, but for the most part we spent tons of time together. And so when sometimes you say, well, we've not really spent any time together, I'm thinking, uh, yeah, we have. We just drove four hours from Chattanooga not too long ago, so we were together four hours, but that was not necessarily quality time, it was a quantity time, and and there's a difference. So what? What does quantity time look like? Before we really delve into the differences of quality versus quantity, what does quantity time look like?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I think. Just going back to what we just said, like quantity time, we go to the gym together every morning, but you're doing your thing and I'm doing mine, and then we go super early, so we're not having meaningful conversations at six in the morning.
Speaker 1:You don't want to talk to me that early.
Speaker 2:I don't. And what's so crazy is I used to be a morning person and I'm still a morning person compared to a lot of people because I go on trips with girls and things like that. So, compared to a lot of people, I am a morning person, but I used to be ready for a meaningful conversation at 530 in the morning and singing and all those things. But I'm not necessarily as much anymore. I'll talk to you. I'm not ill or mean or anything, but I'm just not like ready for a life altering conversation at that time, but like ready for a life altering conversation at that time, but like that's. And we eat. We do eat together, because sometimes we work from home and we're both here for lunch.
Speaker 2:Well, at lunch you may be answering emails and I may be doing the same, and so it's it's also it's it's it's quantity time during those times, if we're watching TV together, you know we're watching TV and I'm not. I'm wanting you to not miss what's going on. So TV and I'm not. I'm wanting you to not miss what's going on, so we're also not, because it makes me mad. If you miss something, I'll say well, you didn't see it on the screen. She just said it was three weeks ago or whatever. So those things are quantity, they're not quality.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that makes sense we are. We do spend a lot of time together and people who know us, they know that about us. We're kind of a unit and you know, we've said it before with our, our. Our granddaughter calls us honey papa.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So we're not honey and papa, we're honey papa, and that's how probably people know us. Is that when people see me they don't say hey man, what's going on, how are you? Their first question is where's Tiff? Because we're kind of that unit and people would assume, because we have a lot of time together, that that equates into quality time, and that's just not true.
Speaker 1:So quantity time could look something like you know, if you're, maybe we go to a movie. We spend two hours together at a movie theater. Well, that's quantity time. Because you're outside of me trying to beg you to give me my Reese's Pieces so I can eat them during the like previews. I'm not having a whole lot of meaningful, intentional conversation because I'm trying to pry that out of your bag and you hold it till the last minute, or maybe it's. We're sitting in the same space and I'm working here. You're doing something like that. So, yes, we spend a lot of time together, but there's a whole lot of difference when it comes to being intentional and spending some quality time, because you've said before, I need you to date me, I need you to be intentional.
Speaker 2:Because you dated me big time when we were dating.
Speaker 2:Bro, I did you would call me on the landline and whenever you moved to Itawamba County when your dad was pastoring there.
Speaker 2:Some people will have no clue what this is even talking about, but so it was long distance to call me from your landline in Itawamba County to my house phone in Prentice County, and so you would have to drive over the line to the gas station to call me from the phone there, because I think y'all actually got a very expensive landline bill one time and your parents wanted to kill you. But so you would talk to me for hours and ask me about me, and I don't, I don't even know what you talk about in those dating years when you're talking like that forever. But even then you know, you would pick me up and we would talk. We didn't have cell phones and we would talk about life and everything else. And we would talk. We didn't have cell phones and we would talk about life and everything else, and you would take me places to eat or wherever it was that we were going, and so you spent quality time with me then, and so, yes, I force you kind of into dating me sometimes now.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't know about forcing.
Speaker 1:I think that, as you said, that quality time is your love language, one of two love languages, and it's not so much mine.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, there's some quality moments I'd like to spend with you, if you know what I'm talking about, but that's not my love language, so it's not primary for me, and so it's something that I have to work on. But I think that you can make that a cop out if you want to. You can say, well, it's not my love language, it's yours, and so I'm not going to make it as important which is crazy, because I should make it more important if it's your love language, versus worrying about trying to love you in my love language, and that's where it gets weird. So I think that, when it comes to that, quality time is not really a love language issue in a marriage. It should be something that you should be a cornerstone. In my opinion, it should be like a pillar in your marriage. One of the most important things should be quality time, so it shouldn't be about me trying to please your love language. It should be about this is a pillar in our marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think so, because even though it is, yes, one of my love languages and maybe not necessarily one of yours, I think, like I constantly need to know who you are and where you're at. I vowed to spend my life with you and to love you, for better, for worse and for all these things, and so you know, if, if you're my best friend and I'm committed to you, then I need to know, like, what's going on with you and where you're at. Are you, what are you struggling with? Like what, what do you? What do you need in God? To answer for you? Um, what's, what do you think is is good right now?
Speaker 2:You know, I think, just even today, I ask you what's your favorite flavor of Gatorade, zero or whatever? Because I bought a variety pack, and so it's funny because, like, I'll try to drink the ones I know you probably don't like. And then I I thought, well, am I even right? Am I even on the same page? It's just silly stuff of like, what do you, what do you like? Has that changed? Um, for a while you used to get me a particular candy bar, and that's not even my favorite candy bar anymore, and so just stay in current.
Speaker 1:I do change, you don't change, but I do like you like reese's cups.
Speaker 2:For as for as long as I've ever known you, that's your number one the only thing better than a reese's cup is a reese's tree.
Speaker 1:That's the only thing better but I'm surprised with all the change that you've not changed, that you still like me. That's what's crazy after all the change. But you're right, it's getting to continually. I think that's it, tiff. It's continually getting to know your spouse. That's where quality time comes in.
Speaker 1:And not taking for granted that you are the same that you were a year ago Because let's put it in perspective At 51 for you, 53 for me, things change on a dime. Your life can change. Tomorrow, one thing can happen, good or bad, that can change your life, and so when that occurs, it's going to change who you are some way or another. It can change your personality, it can change how you view things, it can change your perspective, it can change your goals, it can change your habits, and so for me, goals, it can change your habits, and so for me to take for granted that you're the same that you were two months ago, because we've had things transpire over the summer and we've really had to to to work together, to work through these things, those things can change you and I can't take for granted that you're the same.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'll add on to that. I was thinking, you know, having those conversations sometimes that are meaningful, and paying attention to your spouse and continually getting to know them. What it does also is it builds a firm foundation of open communication, and so it makes it easier when hard times come, because you know this will be something we'll probably talk about another podcast. Well, I know we're going to be talking about church and things like that, but we've had some conversations this summer that were probably very real, very honest conversations, even surrounding, like church, and so I was not afraid to tell you every single thought right in my head. I didn't hold anything back because our foundation is laid.
Speaker 2:That's right For for for over hundreds and thousands of conversations that we've had that involve open communication. That foundation is laid for me to be open and honest with you, right.
Speaker 1:And I think that's important is that we have laid the foundation and you don't have to worry about running me off when you tell me something raw and real.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's where quality time comes in, because the more quality time you have, the easier those conversations are to have, because they don't freak you out as much. Right, and I think that's it. So let's just finish up here talking about the key differences between quantity and quality time. First key difference is what?
Speaker 2:Attention, attention, undivided, attention, okay, undivided. Attention, okay, undivided attention.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, explain that. What does that?
Speaker 2:look like. Well, in this day and age, it means turning your phone upside down, and you can apply these things to, though the quantity and quality time, to even spending time with your kids or your friends and I was thinking back talking about phones. It's common day now for people to bring their phones to the dinner table or for any kind of situation that they're in. But if, if I have like, I'm going out with some friends tonight to celebrate a birthday and so we're all really good, we may have our phone on the table, but none of us are sitting and scrolling Facebook or just constantly on social media. Our phones are usually turned upside down, but we're very respectful to each other's time and so, even in situations like that, the the unavided attention, if I'm with you, I'm with you.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's it. I think I'm not with every.
Speaker 2:I'm not with my 5,000 friends on Facebook. Right now I'm with you. Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 1:I think, even take it a step further. It is the disturbance Listen, I like phones. Phones are useful. You have a computer in your pocket. You can learn anything you want to learn. There's no excuse to be ignorant anymore because you have the ability.
Speaker 1:However, it has become such a disturbance in marriages, in families, in relationships, in friendships, et cetera, because you live sometimes through that, you live through social media of seeing what everybody else is doing versus somebody who's sitting in front of you. And that is a tension, and even to the point like I've got a garment. I get rid of my Apple Watch because it drove me crazy, but I got a garment and I can't speak back on my garment. I can't send text, All I can do is receive junk all day long. And so I find myself sometimes, even when we're together, those notifications keep rolling across and you're like who is it? And I'm like it's nobody, it's, it's the stock coming across. You know it's just something, and so it's a disturbance.
Speaker 1:And that's where attention being undivided in that attention, and everybody's attention span is different.
Speaker 1:I think what do they call it? The attention economy that we're in now, and your attention economy is even way less than mine, Like you'll tell me hey, you've got five minutes here and I'm trying to talk about, like I need you to talk, let's talk about this financial thing, that's like going to be whatever, and you're like you've got five minutes, bro, and then, like you know, the rabbits are going to start coming out. But you got five minutes, bro, and then, like you know, the rabbits are going to start coming out. But the attention economy that we live in, the world that we live in of attention economy, really, really is difficult and I think with quality time with your spouse, you have to turn the phones even on. Do not disturb, because even as we're doing this podcast, I've got stuff rolling across. My daughter's asking me a question, just you know things rolling across and so you have to do that attention. I think the other thing uh, the separation between quality and quantity is intentionality.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Is that you say you're intentionally hey, thursday night I want you to be ready, cause I'm gonna pick you up about six and we're going to go to dinner and we're going to spend time together. And what that does is that builds and strengthens a relationship, and it doesn't just passively say, hey, let's just go eat tonight at the Indian place. That's not intentional, that's passive. That means that we've got to eat tonight and I'm not cooking at home, so I'm going to pick you up, we're going to grab some food.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now that you've mentioned that I want to go to Namaste tonight. But that yeah. Or let's go to Sunday afternoon, let's go at 4 o'clock, let's go to Crave and have coffee and dessert. Shameless plug there.
Speaker 1:And then, finally, is impact. Talk about impact as we finish.
Speaker 2:I think the impact is great, you know, in terms of you're building those strong relationships, that's right, yeah, and I think that's it.
Speaker 1:That's the difference. Is that the impact of having attention and then intentionality, the impact is you're just building a strong relationship, that you're making a point, I care about you, I care about where you're at. Help me understand where you are right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Last word.
Speaker 2:Well and, like I said, this, this is, this is great for marriage, but this can also bleed into your other relationships too. You know we have a group message to our family all the time, but I'm trying to also now be more mindful, to go outside of that group message and ask you know a kid that has maybe told me that, like they've had a lot on their back like hey, how's your week, how how's it going right now? And being more impactful and meaningful and intentional.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's good, and I and I appreciate you saying that, because that that does mean a lot. Group texts are cool, but when is the last time you checked on somebody outside the group text? Yeah, good that's.
