OK, NOW WHAT?

Have you ever been frustrated to the point you didn't know what to do next?  Yeah, me too...

There comes a moment in every life when reality taps us on the shoulder and says:

"Well...here you are."

Not where you planned to be. Not where you expected to be. Not where you hoped to be. Just...here...

Join Dave for some topical conversation about:

• Ten Everyday Examples
• The Bigger Stuff
• Why We Keep Looking Back
• Five Healthy Ways To Think About "Now What?"
• Five Ways To Start Each Day With A "What's Next?" Attitude
• Five Ways To Keep "What Happened" Out And "What's Next" In

The people who thrive are not the people who avoid hardship. They are the people who stop building homes in yesterday and start building futures in tomorrow.

You are here. This is where you are.

Good.

Now stand up. Look forward. Take the next step. Then another. Then another...

Because your best chapter has never been behind you. It has always been waiting for you to answer one simple question:

OK, now what?

Giddyup!!!

Email David@Otalks.com or OWD@Otalks.com for comments, questions, or ideas for content on an upcoming O'talkin' with Dave podcast.  Otalks.com

Check out OtalksOfficial on Instagram and TikTok

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to O'Talkin' with Dave! Coming to you from his fortress in Sin City, where what happens in Vegas is talked about everywhere. Put your hands together for the pastor of positivity whose glass is always at least half full. Here's Dave.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hey, how are we doing out there? I hope you're great. Top shelf. Kicking it. That's what we're looking for. So there's a lot of uh lot of talk lately. I'm hearing a lot of feedback, and I got a mailbag coming up where I'll give you a lot of the feedback I've been getting. But there's there seems to be an overwhelming occurrence of people just in a bad situation. Yeah. We're all there. We're either there, we've been there, or it's coming. But there's a moment in everybody's life, many moments sometimes, where it's like, all right, here you are. This is where we are. It's not where we planned to be, it's not where we expected to be, not where we hope to be. We're just here. We're just here. And then once we're here, we've got a decision to make. And that decision is for the rest of our lives, we've been saying what happened, but the decision that we have to make is now what? Now what do we do? Now what do I do? Because the next step, that's critical. Whether we like it or not, analysis is not going to change where we are. And whatever event happened, whatever mistake happened, maybe there's a loss, maybe you were betrayed. Maybe opportunities went away. The decision was made. The damage was done. Alright. Now what? I know I did uh I made an analogy. It's not an analogy, it's actually a story where my granddad Papa was on the farm and one of his cows got out and he went around and found the fence was down. Instead of, I wonder how this happened, who could have done this? Where's my cow? Where is this? First thing, now what? Let's fix the fence. Let's fix the fence. That's what you gotta do, or the others are gonna come out. I know a lot of people in the past who, whether it's a mechanic or a machinist or whatever the trade is, if you've got a problem, if you've got a situation, there is a certain order to which you do things. You don't take this off first, you take that off first. You have to take this off before you can get to that. Alright? That comes from experience. It comes from experience, and that experience helps teach others. But the thing is, life is not always that way. You don't have a book, you don't have a step-by-step process for everything. So that question, okay, now what? That's launched recoveries, it's rebuilt businesses, it's repaired relationships, it's created fortunes, and it's even saved lives. And there's examples. I want to go over a few that things just happen every day, and then I want to get to some more serious ones. But some of the things that's just everyday examples you don't think about. Like light just throws them at us every week, every day, and we have to choose between dwelling on it or deciding what to do next. Let me give an example. Just maybe a little something happens in traffic. Somebody cuts you off, and your life flashes before your eyes. You didn't have an accident, nobody's hurt, but suddenly, man, you are you catastrophize or oh, what could have happened? Oh, I could have lost everything. I could have done this, it's my brand new car, it's this, all these horrible things that go through your mind when nothing really happened. You can spend the next 30 minutes just furious or acknowledge that bad drivers are out there, and that's why I've got to be extra careful. Let's continue on to my destination. The event is over, so now what? Yeah. Very simple. Very simple. It happens all the time. What about a rude customer or a coworker? Someone is rude to you at work. We'll just say they're short with you. You know what that means? That is not hype. Maybe they're just having a bad day. Maybe they're just rude. The thing is, you can carry that irritation all day long, or you can just move on with your life. The conversation's over. It's probably a duck that's just quacking. You've got to decide though. Now what? I'm going to let this affect me. I haven't missed many flights, but think about it, in the airport. Oh my goodness. That terrible moment when you're cutting it close. And that terrible moment when you decide walking fast is not enough. I'm going to have to break into a trot. That is not good. However, I think I've done it twice in all my years of travel. But you get there and the plane is gone. You may even see it going away. Worst things is when it's right there, but they won't let you down there. No amount of anger is going to bring that plane back. You can spend hours replaying the mistake, calling your friends, pitching, moaning, and groaning. What you need to do is get on your little app and find the next plane. Your plane is gone. Now what? Happens all the time. Okay, let's take it a little closer. As far as happens all the time, let's talk about golf. How about that? Beautiful drive. That's fantastic. Oh, I'm right in the middle of the fairway. I'm ready. I can see it. I can just see this next shot. I'm about 150 yards. Oh, I'm just gonna lay it. I can oh, it's gonna be beautiful. And I chunk it. I chunk it. Or I sliced it, which is probably more likely what's gonna happen. Or I hook it into the water. Whatever. The ball is probably, in my case, in another zip code. Yeah. Now I can let that ruin this hole. I can let it ruin my day the rest of the round. But that shot is over. Now what? Now what? Or have you ever been in a really good mood? And then just one negative comment comes your way? Maybe. Oh, I see it all the time. I'm gonna bring up a few of them in a couple of podcasts. But somebody criticizes you. I get a negative email. You can argue, oh, I love a good back and forth on social media as long as I'm not involved in it. Yeah, you can go back and forth to some stranger whose profile picture is a cartoon squirrel or something. Or you can go on with your life. The comment was posted. Now what? Or maybe you're in an argument. I don't argue that much. Almost became a lawyer. I'm glad I didn't. I'd be arguing for a living. But maybe you this happened to me. Maybe you said something you shouldn't. Yeah. Or maybe they said something they shouldn't have. But said you can't unring the bell. You can relive it over and over. Or if it's on you, you can apologize and move forward. Or you can forgive and move forward. But it's been said. So now what? Yeah. I've been in business where I lost sales. And a lot of the times I lost sales I thought I had. Maybe I worked for months on it, and the customer chose someone else. It happens. You can obsess over the loss. Poor pitiful me. Or you make the next call. You learn from it and make the next call. But when that's lost, now what? Yeah. I've got an oven right now that it will go about 10 minutes and then it cuts off. I don't know why. Appliances hate me. I blame you know who over here. I can't say her name because she'll start talking to me. I don't want to be unprofessional. Put it refrigerator dies. Water heater. It's all cold water now. Air conditioner. My goodness, in a Nevada summer, that is, I will do anything to keep that going. The thing is, when it happens, you can be angry, but angry is not going to cook your roast. It's definitely not going to cool your house. So now what? What do you do? Or you make a mistake. I do this daily. Or maybe a real one that's really costly. You can punish yourself. I know some people who, and occasionally I might do this. You think back off if I just hadn't done that. Or I thought it would be different if I went for this. And I'm talking maybe little stuff. Maybe driving without a seatbelt or getting caught. Well, I just talked to my buddy today, he got caught texting and driving.

unknown 9:56

Woo!

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah. You can beat yourself up or you learn from it. Here's where I am. Now what? And then just one other small one. Just you had a bad day. Just had a crappy day, man. Not anything dramatic. It's just everything seems to irritate you. And those days, they happen. We've all had them. But eventually the day is over. And tomorrow arrives. Now what? Yeah, those are simple things. Those are gonna happen. And sometimes we deal with bigger things easier or better than simple things. But the real challenges when life gets tough and it can affect the rest of your life are the big things. And I've heard people, I'll just throw some out there. Maybe I've lost both of my parents, but I know there are parents that are living that they caused some strong emotional damage to their kids. Maybe it's something they did, maybe it's something they didn't do, maybe it's a little bit of both. Yeah, maybe they were cruel, maybe they never became the parent that you deserved. And what happened matters. I'm not sure if that at all. That hurt is real. But at some point the question becomes am I gonna spend the rest of my life serving a life sentence for someone else's actions? Or am I gonna say, you know what? Here's what I'm gonna do. This is where I am, now what? And we're gonna talk to that in a bit. Or maybe, perhaps, a spouse leaves. Marriage is over, the plans for the rest of your life disappear. The future, we don't know what it is, but we know it's different now. You can spend months and years asking why. Or you can begin creating what happens next. The relationship ended. Now what? It's a big one. That's a big one. I know people who have been left out of wills. They expected inheritance, they were counting on it. It's unfair. The state is settled, it's over. You can't argue with a dead person. Some people do. The decision was made. It's over. Now what? What are you gonna do? You get fired. Or let's just say you lose a job. You can get fired, but COVID taught us that anytime, hey, sometimes you lose a job just out of what for whatever reason. It's a business decision. Maybe the company restructures or the economy changes. Or the boss just made a decision. You can become a professional victim or a problem solver. But the thing is, okay, this happened to me. Now what? And then the last thing I'll say, and it's more overreaching as far as the big stuff, maybe you've had a dream, and not a MO MLK dream, but maybe you've dreamed of having this business. Maybe you've had lofty goals, and the plan just doesn't work. Life often closes the door that we want it open. But eventually we face reality, and that dream, that particular dream, is over. It's gone. Now what? Boy, Dave, you are sure painting a rosy picture. I'm just sharing, I'm sharing that big or small, when things happen, it's up to us to do something. It's up to me to decide what I'm gonna do. Do I need help? What are my options? All these things. And we'll problem solve in a minute. But the thing is, we like, as humans, we like looking back. If moving forward is so helpful, why don't we do it more often or more quickly? How about that? I think the past offers us something pretty seductive. It's certainty. That's why we like to look back. The future requires responsibility. I'm gonna have to do something. It's up to me. But the past gives us something. Blame. Yes. Oh my goodness. Some people they had rather lose and have somebody to blame than win and give somebody else the credit. The future requires action. The past, we know what happened. We don't have to choose. And the future a lot of times requires courage, where many people become historians of their own suffering. Oh, yes, you don't know how bad I've had it. You don't understand. You just don't know. And they relive it to the point to where they know every detail, every date, every insult, every disappointment. Many times they remember it the way they want to remember it. They may embellish. It could be a fish story, to the point to where it's not even close to what really happened. And you know what? It doesn't even matter. Because the plan is, if you're living in the past, you have no plan for tomorrow. And that rear view mirror becomes more important than the windshield. It does. And eventually they stop living and just continually replay.

unknown 16:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

I think there's some healthy ways to think about the now what the. I do. I'm gonna glorify them. First one, okay, accept reality. You don't have to approve it or approve of it. You don't have to like it. Reality is something that you can't move on until you accept it. Because reality is where progress begins. The cow got out because the fence is broken. Alright? I have a broken fence. That's where you are. You want more cows to get out? You better fix the fence. So accept it. I lost. My relationship changed. I don't have that deal. I don't have this option. My dream is dead. My wife is gone. My dogs are gone. Blah blah blah. I didn't mean to blah blah blah over things that are that important. But yada yada yada, here I am. I accept it. Okay? Then you gotta focus on the next step. What's next? Not next year. Not necessarily next week. What is the next step? You can't jump up a flight of stairs. You can try. It's one step at a time. And small actions create momentum, especially when you're stuck in reality. What am I gonna do next? Not what am I gonna do about this? No, what is my next step? And then you have to start asking better questions. I'm curious. I ask a ton of questions. I'll drive you nuts. If I go to a place or an activity, I went fly fishing recently and tons of questions, tons of questions. Just like I was when I was little asking Mr. Swan so many questions. But the questions I'm saying that you need to ask and stop asking is stop asking why me. You're destined to repeat it when you're saying why me. And then you blame people, and then you look back and you can't see the forest from those trees. Instead of why me, it's okay. What's next? What can I do now? What is that next step? It is so important. And then fourthly, learn the lesson. We talk a lot about don't be the victim, be the beneficiary. We talk about own the lesson. Own the lesson, not the pain. Learn the lesson. Take the wisdom, leave the wound. You can say leave the wound or let the wound heal because scars only appear when the wound is healed. But what did you learn from it? That will help you many times with what's next. And then finally, redirect your energy. And I'm not talking about in this in the great upper being of the karma and all this type of energy. No. Energy spent reliving the past is unavailable for the energy you need to build the future. And by that, it can be stamina, it can be urgency, it can be all these things you need. If you're constantly reliving that, it's exhausting. It'll wear you out. It will wear you out. So just let me hit those five again, real quickly. Accept the reality. Focus on the next step. Start asking what's next instead of why me. Learn the lesson. Take the wisdom with you and redirect your energy to that next step. Anybody can do those if you want it. You have to want it. And I get some of the feedback I've gotten is you need to deal more on, okay, how do we do that? Exactly how do we do that? Practically. And so I'll talk to that. Some ways to start each day because how you start your day is so important. It's so important. How you end your day, okay. That may that might affect how you sleep, and that might be a great launching pad for the next morning. But to start each day with a what's next attitude instead of why me, first thing, ask yourself one question. Why is the most what is the most productive thing I can do today? Now that can range. If it's a mood problem, maybe if it's a health problem, if it's a financial problem, if it's a relationship problem, what's the most productive thing I can do today? And give it a minute. Give it a minute. The silence. The silence. I took a walk earlier today. No, no phone, no light, mo motor car. I want it to be quiet so I can think through some things. So, what's the most productive thing I can do today? And then come up with three things and prioritize it. Yeah. Another thing. A simple thing. Avoid yesterday before breakfast. Don't begin the day replaying old problems. That's why it's so good to have a routine. I've got a couple of books here. I'm not gonna, I'm in the middle of them, but I've got that's part of my morning routine now. That's what I do. Sometimes you have to put something in your Way, so you have to go through it and put it there so you don't back up to yesterday. Don't begin today replaying old problems. The third thing, write them down. That focus creates progress. I even had a dear friend send something earlier about writing them down in certain things about using blue ink versus black ink and all of the psychology behind that. And I have a blue pen behind it. Anyway, looking at writing stuff down, write down three priorities. Write down what you said earlier today. If you've got a to-do list, write it and you need that list. And you can prioritize. There's all sorts of techniques for this. But there's something special about writing it down. I remember the best way I go back to college, and that takes me way back. But one of the best ways for me to learn is to rewrite my notes. That was tough because I wrote like some sort of Egyptian hieroglyphics on a cave wall. But it helped me to go back through, to turn paragraphs into bullet points, whatever. But looking at your priorities, three, here's what I want to do today. Here's what I want to do this morning. And it may be something as simple as I'm going to text somebody and just check up on them. It's not a phone call. Hey, I was thinking of you. How are things going? Hey, did you sell your house? Hey, how was vacation? How big was that fish you caught? Blah, blah, blah. What? Okay, that's one priority. Reconnect with somebody. Okay, and then how? Boom. Three of them. If you do three in the morning and three in the afternoon, by the end of the day, if nothing else happened, you knocked out six things. Okay? So ask yourself one question. What's the most productive thing I can do today? Avoid yesterday before breakfast. Write down three priorities. And move. Move your body. Motion creates momentum. Move. Take a walk. Go to the mailbox. Walk to decide you're going to make a phone call. Maybe it's one of those three priorities. Well, do it while you're walking. Get in your car and drive somewhere. Change of scenery. Motion creates momentum. And then lastly, it's kind of like the avoid yesterday before breakfast, but train yourself first thing in the morning. Look forward before looking back. Plan that day. And if you do that at night for the next day, that's great. Then check it in the morning, but don't relive yesterday again. So that's two times in a list of five things to do this morning. That's how important it is to leave yesterday back. Pause. Whatever happened yesterday put you where you are now. You don't do that. Here's where I am. Here's where I am. Now what? So it's one way to do this. We start things well. I start every fitness regimen or new eating routine. I start so well. How do you keep it going? How do you keep that what happened out and that what's next in when you're in the throw zone? I've done a few things that helps me. You may not be like me. I know you're not like me, but we're similar in ways. Limit your complaint time. Complaining is not planning, it's living and ruminating. I know people who they may start out with a compliment and they'll destroy them. They'll destroy that compliment and it's a net negative. Oh my goodness. Yeah, I think John Reap had this one. Oh, he's a good boy. He's a good boy. Buddy beats puppies. Why'd you tell me the last part? Yeah, I'm better now, but let me tell you, man, I have had it rough. Why? Let's talk about how you are now. Limit the complaint time. I even heard people as much as some people are just complainers and whiners and critical and all that. Okay, if you have to set your clock for 15 minutes and just bitch your way through that 15 minutes. But when that alarm goes off, stop it. Limit your complaint time. There's a bunch of ways to do that. Quit comparing, quit doom scrolling, quit to turn off the news. But limit your complaint time. That keeps you moving forward instead of looking at what happened. Also, rumination has been something, it's just a word I use all the time now. I was on resolve a lot. Those of you now that hear rumination, it's purple cards because I'm seeing it and hearing it constantly. People talking about bad things that happened to them that they did or was done to them or bad decisions. Do something, anything productive. Because it's hard to ruminate while you're on a positive track. Replace rumination with action. That it gets you to go into what's next rather than what happened. And then along with that, I know people that someone came to me the other day and they said this, and I wanted to say that. And they talk about it. Now they're just rehearsing old conversations. You never win arguments from three years ago. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't get the G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip. I got the big gym with the he would chop and made a muscle. That's all he did, no cool clothes. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. I didn't get any of the fun serials. I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's why, that's why I can't keep a job and got 18 traffic tickets. Okay, that's rumination. Old conversation is, I remember one time she said this to me, and oh, it made me so mad, and I was so upset, and she knows better. You're this is old. Rumination and rehearsing old conversations, you those are over. That person has moved on. But we do it, and it's hard to stay out of a what happened and get into the what's next. One of the best things, spend time with positive, forward-looking people. Attitudes are contagious, positive or negative. So you've got to choose wisely. And we talk of this a lot. You know who I'm talking about. The people in your life that it's full of either something critical or a complaint, or you can't do it, they know it. I went over it and know it all. They know a better way and they have to share it. Very condescending. Don't spend time with those people. Spend time with forward-looking people. And then lastly, on this, when you have, when you feel progress, it feels so good. It's addictive. Make progress something you look for. Make it your new addiction. I'm not big on addiction, but oh, I'm addicted to bacon, cheesecake. But that progress, how that feels, how it makes you move. I love it. So limit your complaint time. Replace rumination with action. Stop rehearsing old conversations. Spend time with forward-looking people and make progress. Your new addiction. I know it's easier to say than do, which everything is. It's just different though. We're here, man. I'm in a world of hurt. Okay. I'm not gonna get any better till I quit thinking about it and do something. No one's coming to save me. So let's go. Everybody listening right now, you got a story. You do. There's a disappointment, or again, like we said earlier, maybe a betrayal or a loss, or you're beating yourself up for a mistake you may have made. Something that you wish, you just wish either happened differently or didn't happen at all. And that's that is so understandable. That's life. But life keeps moving. The clock keeps ticking. That sun keeps rising. And eventually it's gonna ask us all the same question. It's not gonna ask what happened or who was right or who was wrong. It's not gonna talk about what should have been. It's just gonna ask, okay, now what? Now what? And the people who thrive are not the people who avoid the hardship. They're the people who stop building homes in yesterday. Start building their futures in what's next. So you're here. This is where you are. Good. Now stand up, look forward, take the next step, then another. Because your best chapter has never been behind you. It's not the good old days. It's waiting for you on the other side of that question of now what? It's so important. Keep moving. Don't quit. Never quit. Let me know what you think. Hit me up, david at otalks.com or davidotalks.com or just go to the otalks.com. There's a lot of stuff there. Tell you how to get a hold of me. But I hope this helps. I hope it resonates. I hope it answers some of your challenges you're you're hitting out there because we all are. And I appreciate you. I appreciate your support. I appreciate you hanging out, hanging on, but most of all, I appreciate you O talking with Dave. Giddy up.