Psychotic P***y Podcast
Just two sisters discussing women’s mental and physical health. It's not only our hobby, but our careers. We want to shed light on important topics & teach people new things every episode.
Psychotic P***y Podcast
Alone Together: The Paradox of Digital Connection
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Loneliness has become a defining feature of modern life, with startling statistics showing that in-person socializing has plummeted by over 20% in the past two decades. Even more alarming? For unmarried men and those under 25, that decline exceeds 35%. We're diving into why this is happening and what it means for our collective mental health.
The restaurant industry perfectly illustrates this shift—once-bustling bar areas now serve primarily as staging grounds for takeout orders. People have retreated into private spaces, finding comfort in isolation rather than community. Technology promises connection but delivers something fundamentally different: the illusion of togetherness without its substance.
What's particularly fascinating is that for the first time in recorded history, single people are reporting less loneliness than their married counterparts. This reversal speaks volumes about how social patterns have changed. Singles must actively seek connection through activities like book clubs and classes, while married folks often settle into comfortable routines that limit their social circles.
The roots of this isolation epidemic trace back to two seemingly benign developments: the rise of the two-car family and the ubiquity of television. These innovations allowed Americans to disperse into suburbs with private backyards and bring entertainment directly into their homes. Add smartphones and social media to this mix, and you have a perfect storm for disconnection masquerading as connectivity.
For younger generations, the consequences are profound. Many teenagers now consider online gaming equivalent to hanging out in person. They're missing crucial face-to-face interactions that develop social skills and emotional intelligence. No wonder the U.S. Surgeon General has declared loneliness a public health crisis on par with smoking and obesity.
How are you fighting isolation in your own life? We'd love to hear your thoughts and strategies for maintaining genuine human connection in this increasingly disconnected world.
Disclaimer: This podcast represents the opinions of Dr. Bridget Melton, MD and licensed therapist Marissa Volinsky, MS, LPC, NCC. The contents of our podcast and website should not be taken as medical advice. The contents of our podcast and website are for general informational purposes only, and are not intended to diagnose, treat, prevent, or cure any condition or disease or substitute for medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental health professional, or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before starting or discontinuing treatment.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts or a crisis, please reach out immediately to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. These services are free and confidential.
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oh, welcome back to season three. Is this episode two of season three? Yes, okay, sorry, we had a bit of a slow start for season three. It's been like cray cray, mostly because marissa is expanding her business, so we can all blame her for everything everything.
Exploring Loneliness in America
Speaker 2So welcome back to episode two, season three of psychotic py podcast. Are we 30 seconds in yet? Probably not, and then I'll say the word um, oh yeah, I have a timer and go psychotic pussy. Um, so we are talking about loneliness. One is the loneliest number. We're going to dive into that. There's a really good article in the Atlantic that came out only I think it was two weeks ago, about loneliness and how it's changed completely in the past decade. Then they actually talk about it in the past few decades, but a lot in the past decade in America specifically, we're talking about. It's so interesting, we we're gonna dive in on that. Quick life updates. Let's see um, marissa currently has her oh, marissa chopped her hair off. She also has her kids home for spring break, so check in on marissa not this week, it's two weeks.
Speaker 1Two weeks from now, yeah, it's the week you arrive. Sucker, it's what? The week you arrive, guess who's gonna be at your gaga's house every week, every day. Also, I like it's. I do like my new hair, guys, but when I don't like it in a ponytail, because I cut it real short, like short short, it looks really good it does, but when it's not done I look like a good descriptive term is like when I you know I'm going to fight the huns, I'm like.
Speaker 2You do not look like that. What's his name? General shang or whatever that I actually can't remember. But you don't look like that at all. But I, I just come on, I see what you mean the hottie in mulan, the hottie who she follows. He has that perfect little like high pony, that rest. Yeah, no, I do see that. No, your hair looks amazing. Yeah, marissa gave it a good old Britney chop, chop yeah, I did I.
Speaker 1It's so great when it's done. Oh my god, I love it.
Speaker 2I can't and aren't you so much quicker in the shower shampooing?
Speaker 1yes yes, I shed less because my hair is healthier, quicker, using less products, obviously less hair, and I used to hate doing my hair because blowing it out was like a chore. Yes, and now I'm like done. It takes me like maybe six minutes to do my whole.
Speaker 2I love that I'm back up to almost 20, so I need I'm do a chop.
Speaker 1I can't wait, I cannot wait when you become a mom, you just like live for the mom chop, especially with summer coming.
Speaker 2I don't have time for long, I know, and then you actually get to be maximally cute because you have time to style it with less effort. It's amazing, I love it. Um. So, yeah, we're checking in on loneliness.
The Shift to To-Go Orders and Isolation
Speaker 2Um, it's a really important topic, and especially for women, because obviously there's so many studies where women really thrive on human connection, whereas men can kind of retreat a little bit. That's obviously why men choose activities like gaming Not that women don't, but it's male dominated by far. So, yeah, women really seek connection and, yeah, it's just really important for your mental health and your overall health if you just have tight friendships, tight bonds, especially if you're a lady. So, yeah, let's dive in, right Shall we give a quick, all right. So the Atlantic published this and it basically was an article about a woman who was out to eat in DC observing that they this restaurant actually had to close its bar area because nobody goes to the bar anymore and she was like the only table eating, but their counter that was previously the bar was literally jam-packed with to-go orders and they, she asked what is your percentage? And he said over 60 is just to go with this restaurant now, like we're mostly a to-go place.
Speaker 1so I want to say, though this probably made it covid made, made it worse, right.
Speaker 2Yes, 100%. Yes, you know, data suggests that as well. People got used to enjoying their own company. People got used to kind of living in I'm saying a rut, but it's not necessarily a rut because some people choose to live this way but they got used to that like rut of just like work order in, go to bed or Netflix go to bed. You know what I mean. Like that cycle of like same same same every day because it was convenient. It is so convenient.
Speaker 1How convenient is take out, come on there's like another section to this, not just like like people who prefer that, um, but like moms. Right, I feel like I learned that I prefer take out, because if I want to go home and let my kids scream and not have other people judge me, I prefer it it.
Speaker 2I prefer it. That is a really good point as well. Yeah, like you want the perks of not cooking, obviously without the hassle of having to go to a restaurant with toddlers, which is kind of an anxiety-inducing experience, even if you have really good kids, because you're just like please don't freak out in here. Please don't freak out in here, don't let everybody look at me. Don't let everybody look at me, don't let everybody judge me. Yeah, um, that is a good point. So I'm gonna hit you guys with a lot of facts, because this article is just too good.
Speaker 2But the share of us adults having dinner or drinks with friends on any given night has declined by more than 30 in the past 20 years. Um, and people feel more uncomfortable in the world today and they've decided that their home is their sanctuary. And even when Americans do eat at restaurants, they are much more likely to do so by themselves. So, according to data gathered by the online reservations platform OpenTable, solo dining has increased by 29% in just the past two years. That's a huge and the number one reason is the need for more quote me time. So I think that's a pandemic thing now, because you can go out and you are so trapped with your partner, that you're like I just I want to go out by myself, like I just want me time.
Speaker 1Do you think?
Speaker 2that makes sense. I don't know, because it's in the past two years.
Social Media and False Connection
Speaker 1It does, but you're forgetting a part of it, which I think. So we are really coming to see the effects of the generation that has social media at all times, right At your fingertips, and I think people feel like, even though they're not being social by like, say, scrolling on TikTok all day or going on lives, that is social for them, especially introverted people. So I think they think they're socializing, even though it's not real. It is a connection to them and it still takes up mental space and effort to do so. They are drained because there are studies that show that, like the amount of social media you consume, if it's not decreased, it does. It's so much, it takes so much energy and it does tire you out and it does drain your battery.
Speaker 2That actually brings me back to gaming. I don't know why this is on my brain. I'm not a gamer. That actually brings me back to gaming. I don't know why this is on my brain. I'm not a gamer. Um, but if you say you know when we were in high school and we're really not that old, we're young millennials when we were in high school, when you okay, actually, marissa's dang bang on in the middle millennial, you're like a perfect millennial. I'm a young millennial, I'm on the cusp.
Speaker 2So, um, when we would come home on a weekend and if you had had, like, if you're, all your sports practices were done, your homework was done, it was a Friday night, you would go to the movies with your friends. And now, if you ask high schoolers what they do, they're hanging out with their friends, but they're meeting up to game together Like they're in their own homes. They're in their own homes, but they're like, I don't have gaming works where you're all playing together on a team and they, they count that as hanging out with a friend, whereas when we were growing up, you wouldn't count that. You'd be like, yeah, I called my friend on the phone, but I didn't hang out with her. But they count that as a social interaction.
Speaker 1Yes, it's yes, well, okay, so even millennials versus people, generations now, younger ones, consuming it. It does give you the sense of, like you said, socializing, but because they're also consuming so much, they're a bit lazier, I will say Like, lazier, introverted, so that's it makes, like you said, like it's just easier for them to do it at home. Why make all these plans? Who's house whatnot? Like just I can still talk to you and we can still game, but I get to do it at my house.
Speaker 2Yes, yes, but then there is a lot of evidence, obviously, that they're missing out. So when you speak face-to-face with someone I can't remember I read an article a couple years ago about it, because Gen Z has really been the generation with the decline of in-person social interaction when you miss out on that face-to-face time, like in-person, you actually miss out on a lot of cues, obviously and it makes you much worse at social interactions and makes your social anxiety worse. If you're actually meeting people in real life, like part of it's I mean, it's just part of life is like learning how to coordinate dates and picking a restaurant and it's super stupid things that, like you don't even think about. But we don't think about it because we do it all the time.
Speaker 2But remember Michael, our youngest brother, youngest brother, gen z. If you spoke to him about like picking a restaurant, whatever, he would be like flustered. He's like I have to do what, like I could do that in my sleep. Are you kidding me? Like book a girl's night. Yeah, just tell me when you're free, I'll do it, michael, would be like freaking out he's not the only one in that generation, though I know I know, yeah, yeah, they are very socially awkward.
Speaker 1They do get flustered easily and I have seen a rise in depression rates in his generation and younger because of that. Yes, they are. Social interaction, you know, face to face, does so much for our mental health. We don't even realize just the same as like, why you should go out and get some sunlight on good days instead of just stay in your house and do nothing all the time Right. Out and get some sunlight on good days instead of just stay in your house and do nothing all the time Right. And I don't think they realize because, as young as they can remember, there's been technology in their hands of some sort. So it's the way of their life, it's how they live.
Speaker 2They're um, I'm pretty sure it's in this article. Actually, the number of, like high schoolers who've been on a first date is like 20%, Like they don't even go on dates anymore because they're like, why would I? Like I just Snapchat her.
Speaker 1Crazy. So on my feed, because I'm old as hell, it's been mothers who are coming up with like again, people who probably had kids a little bit before me, maybe in their 20s or whatever, so they're coming into the preteens and then some who might've had some you know, young, young, they're teenage kids and they're talking about how it's so crazy because when we were their age our parents would have had a heart attack if you could track us, because we were all out in fields getting drunk, right Like, doing such life-risking things that we would freak out if we knew. But they haven't been seeing that in kids to these days, not only because they know we're tracking them like crazy now, but because, like they, just like you said, they'd rather stay home. Like they, they're like ending up weirdly being better kids because they're socially awkward and they you know what I mean Like they're like my daughter, like she won't even go to a sleepover. Did she know I was in a field, half dead at her?
Speaker 2I think we talked about this in season one. Actually I'm getting flashbacks. This is the first generation that they do not take as many risks than the generation prior. Usually, every generation takes risks, more risk, and they have more sexual partners. Millennials are the first generation to have less sexual partners than the previous, and gen z? Um are do not take risks because they don't go out, they don't meet up, they don't drink, which is good but I.
Speaker 1So I'm hit or miss. So I feel like as a mother I'm glad I don't. I don't want my kids doing anything I did. God, if my mom knew even half of it, sorry jerry, you would literally fall over and die. But at the same time I feel bad because, because I survived those things, I feel like I learned so much as a person.
Speaker 1Does that make sense? Like I kind of had to grow up with these scenarios and I had to I don't know just like be better with people and like also, like, just know, like street smart stuff. Does that make sense? Like I know when, like I can feel when things are bad, whereas I feel like these kids who are attached to their phones, they will walk right up to some killer and have no idea, like they really have no idea where I can sense these scenarios out and it's like I don't know, like I almost want my kids. Now I feel like how are they going to learn these things? I'm not saying like, hey kid, go, you know, to some dangerous situation, but at the same time like how else are they going to get these life skills? How else are they going to have like intuition, like also, is that even going to disappear? Are you gonna even have intuition if all you do is stay at your house on your phone like?
Speaker 2so like I'm a little concerned, yes, and um, you get into this unfortunate dilemma of like remember when there'd be a couple kids who went their freshman year of college. You could tell that they had no friends in high school. So then they would go like balls to the wall and you'd be like, oh, like that drunk girl because she's never drank before, they're all gonna be like that now.
Speaker 1So college is gonna be like dangerous dangerous, and I mean it already is kind of so. Yeah, um, that is concerning, or they're all going to be lame-os gaming in a frat house, I don't know.
Speaker 2Maybe, maybe, um, but I think your granny era, for when you're older I'm honestly, I'm concerned.
Speaker 1Uh well, also too, that's been a trend. On that, they're saying how, um, at our age we would go out with no jackets, stripper heels, the tightest skirt or dress you could find from charlotte ruse or forever 21, and now they're all these like milkmaid um yeah and they're like they're like this is your clubbing outfit. You gotta go meet the buyer.
Speaker 2What the hell, that's so funny. Yeah, I didn't really think about that. Fashion did definitely become a bit more conservative for that age group. Yeah, remember like you would convince your mom to like let you go to BB, which was like strippers. Are us Like I have to wear this to homecoming you?
Speaker 1were lucky if any skin was covered. You were lucky because it really wasn't. There was all showing. Oh my God.
Automobiles and TV: Catalysts for Isolation
Speaker 2Okay, so they are tracking the evolution of restaurants in recent time. Basically, it's following the trajectory of another big industry, which was hollywood. So in the 1930s, video entertainment existed only in theaters, and now you can literally get movies that are out in theaters at home at the same time. Right, like with disney, you can pay. Is it like 30 bucks and you can all watch it at home even cheaper, but yeah um.
Speaker 2So technology turned film into a home delivery system. The typical american adult buys about three movie tickets a year and watches almost 19 hours of television, the equivalent of roughly eight movies on a weekly basis.
Speaker 1Here's the thing I would gladly do the movie theater experience, especially with friends and kids. I think it's great to get out and I like that. They have snacks and I like their comfy new seats. The issue is they're trying to charge me, for me and kids, for a matinee. For me to take Jack, it almost cost me $50. Why is it so expensive for a matinee with a half kid ticket? I'm sorry. Yes.
Speaker 2So I actually okay, ted and I love going to the movies. Obviously, we can't really right now because of Theo, but we love going to the movies and we, like, have spoken about going to the movies is an experience. You get your popcorn, you sit down, you actually watch it at home is an experience. You get your popcorn, you sit down, you actually watch it at home. You can take pee breaks and you can pause to eat dinner and you can kind of like it ruins the flow. I don't mind it, like sometimes you would just want to watch it at home. But for a really truly good movie that you want to be taken away, you have to do it not on your couch. And I have been saying the movie industry is obviously dying. Everybody knows this. You need to make these cheap tickets for family, specifically if you ever want to bring this industry back. Absolutely you need to make it affordable for families, target young families, so that people grow up with a whole new like how we grew up, like on a saturday, if you were rarely free.
Speaker 2You get to go to the movies with your parents and you pick their movie.
Speaker 1They're not going to have that experience at all because a it's unaffordable and b it's a hassle, the streaming services, one platform alone with way more than one movie, is cheaper than the damn movie and popcorn. I'm sorry, sorry, like I know they had to raise prices because they're suffering, but they're. This is this. One move is going to put them out of business.
Speaker 2No, I agree, um. So American leisure activities are becoming private now and Americans are spending less time with other people than in any other period for which we have trustworthy data, and that goes back to 1965. So between 1965 and the end of the 20th century, in-person socializing has slowly declined. From 2003 to 2023, it plunged by more than 20%. Among unmarried men and people under the age of 25, the decline was more than 35 percent. Um alone time obviously spiked during the pandemic, but the trend had started long before that. Yeah, um, just made it faster, that's all exactly sped the timeline up.
Speaker 1I'm not shocked, though, because, since this has this little timeline is sped up. That's why therapy ended up being booming, especially telehealth. You know, it follows the trend of they prefer to stay home and not really do the face to face. Um it it's sad to see, I'm like torn Cause. It's like obviously I like to make a good living, but at the same time it's sad to watch it. It's, I mean, the fact that we even have waiting lists, and I have now what like eight clinicians and growing, and I fill them very quickly and then I immediately have to rehire because I have another wait list.
Speaker 2This is okay. So in 2023, vivek Murthy, joe Biden's Surgeon General, published an 81-page warning about America's quote epidemic of loneliness, claiming's a negative health effects were on par with those of tobacco use and obesity. A growing number of public health officials seem to regard loneliness as the developed world's next critical public health issue. The United Kingdom now has a minister for loneliness, as does Japan. It is a public health crisis.
Speaker 1It definitely is. I would say I mean you could tell, because as much as in session I work on like say, they're coming for anxiety, we definitely work on that and have treatment goals towards that. But there were parts of session where you could tell they're just like enjoying the conversation and it's not really towards their goals at all. Right, it's just like a little side chat in their session and I'm always, like you know, I I feel bad because I feel like they're almost coming for like a social hour. You know what I mean like they're paying socialization, which is sad, and I usually have to like gear it back to their goals because obviously I'm like all right, we can't, we can't just do nothing in this session but, yeah, at the same time, it's like they.
Speaker 1They know that they're probably at a part where they're about to be successfully discharged, but they don't because they like the socialization. It's like course gossip hour or something um.
Speaker 2So feeling lonely is actually a good thing, because that is your body's cue right, telling you like you need to seek social interaction. So this is the first time in history that we are seeing in in mass. People are feeling lonely, but they are not seeking out connections, they're just putting a screen in front of their faces to cope with the loneliness. That's the problem.
Speaker 1It's not that they're using it to cope. That's the false sense. They think they are seeking it out. But I'm telling you oh, okay, okay.
Speaker 1False sense, though it's just it's not real. Though it's just it's not real. That's the problem. Like I said, even I feel it and I didn't even grow up with it as as young as them. But if you scroll on tiktok enough, the way some of these videos are like, the way they feel like they're talking at you, even though they're talking to the general population it feels like you know, you start to like, if you follow certain people, you start to like know them very well and you you feel like you are their friend, even though you this is a stranger. So you're sitting here looking at your friend's feed every day and you're thinking you're talking to someone.
Speaker 2Yeah, that's true. I actually you know what. I bet you. It has a lot to do with chronic oversharing on social media, especially by influencers. So you used to idolize, let's say, actors, you know, when we were kids or something actors, singers, whatever but you didn't know anything about their private life unless it was like in page six or like TMZ, right. But now you actually you get to see them act, influence, whatever, whoever you're following actors, influencers, models and then you actually you get to see them act, influence, whatever, whoever you're following actors, influencers, models and then you actually get a glimpse into their private life, whatever they post on social media. So you do feel like you know them if you're one of those people perfect example a girl I follow.
Speaker 1You know why I'm addicted to following her. I love her. Get ready, ready with me videos where she she's at her vanity. You're at the vantage point, looking at her. You feel like you're on a facetime call with her. It feels very friendly. I would report. I feel that I know her, even though I know really not. I'm only knowing what she allows me to know, but I feel like I know her. Every morning she sets the camera up and she talks to you for about 30 minutes. Wow, we'll feel like they're socializing damn social media is so bad.
Speaker 2We've really fucked it, guys.
Gaming, Kids, and Social Development
Speaker 1It reminds me of an episode um, I forget what season, definitely the earlier seasons of black mira, yes, where you get likes and that, yeah, but there was one episode where, like it was sad because the same issue was happening and then they would go back to their isolated room and they were only allowed to talk to people on their big screen and where they were like their bitmoji people. Do you remember, like they had to play this karaoke thing but they were all like bitmoji people? I can't remember what episode it was, but basically, like that's how they socialize. Even though they were, it was sad they were isolated in this tiny little digital room.
Speaker 2Yeah, I do remember that one. Oh, yeah, that's. I feel like this is where we're headed. Oh, that's not good.
Speaker 2So the first half of the century, the 20th century, you know, from 1900 to 1960, there was church membership was surging, membership within labor unions. We were hot off of World War II, so marriage rates hit a record high and there was obviously a baby boom. Book clubs, volunteer groups. The New Deal made America's libraries branch system, so playgrounds, everything were booming. And then in the 1970s we entered an era of withdrawal, and so some institutions of togetherness they say like marriage, eroded slowly. Others went quickly. From 1985 to 1994, active involvement in community organizations fell by nearly half.
Speaker 2So what happened in the 1970s? Well, the government dramatically slowed its construction of public spaces, so places that used to be um an anchor in community life, like libraries, school gyms, union halls, became less accessible or shuttered altogether, they said. But what is actually? The two most important things they found are ubiquitous with loneliness. Now, this might come as a surprise, but not really because they're so normal in our heads. But if you really think about it, it's obviously television, that one's obvious.
Speaker 2And the automobile. So let's say, from 1900 to 1960, the average family, not the family you picture on TV who has it all, but a true, average, middle-class family. They maybe have one car, maybe A lot of people still lived on the outskirts of cities and they took public transportation. Now, 1970s, 80s, 90s, obviously everyone has two cars in their house. That's what it right Like. That was like the birth of the two car family, like everyone has it, because everyone commuted to work. Also, divorce rates were higher. So now we have to think about more cars, because now you're not living in the same house where you can stay home and raise the kids and the husband goes to work. Now you both go to work because you both have different houses. And then, obviously, tvs. Now everyone has a TV. I mean I remember our grandparents talking about, like they remember when TVs came out, but they didn't have one in their house immediately, like only very wealthy people did.
Speaker 1I remember. So when I came back from college, dad approached me when I was like texting and I was like I got to. You know, I got to figure out where we want to go tonight, like I want to see my friends. You know we're all home on this break and I'm like what did? Obviously didn't you meet your miss, your friends on break he goes. Well, we didn't have that. We all just went to the local bar and saw if we were all there and if not, I went to the next one to go find them. It was crazy to me that he had no idea where his friends were and he was just like I just went out and that's how I found them that is crazy, actually, like you could pick up a landline he made it sound like because they're all like local boys or whatever.
Speaker 1Yeah, you know how there's limited bars over there, right? So he's like if it was not the one of the three or whatever he named, he was like it was one of them. I was gonna find them eventually.
Speaker 2That's true, oh, okay so I will say right now um, my husband and I are sharing a car because I'm on maternity leave and like I'm buying a car but I just there's no, like I don't want to shell out the money now and pay the insurance and the gas and everything. If I'm literally I, you know, I can't go anywhere. Really, I'm with thee all the time. So, anyway, we're sharing a car and that has forced me to be more social in a way that this article is kind of talking about, because I've made other mom friends. We started a book club and I was like, hey, like sometimes I don't have the car, like if Ted's at work, I don't have the car.
Speaker 1Yeah.
Speaker 2And it's kind of forced me to like work away into like carpooling and stuff like that. Or Theo and I will go for walks by the local parks and stuff where other kids are, and that is why the automobile and the tv more obviously tv are kind of like the decline of american socialization. It's very interesting.
Speaker 2I love this. So americans use the cars to move further and further away. So now you have your own backyard, why would you go to the public park? You live in the suburbs. Now you have your own plot of land.
Speaker 1Yeah, you hang out with your own family now, I think the problem with this, too, is what people have been reporting on is because we do feel so connected but are truly disconnected at the same time. You see that like people are not stepping in. So, for instance, you see a crime on a subway and a woman is being attacked. People sometimes just watch or film it.
Speaker 2They won't film it. Can we stop with that? Don't without your phone.
Speaker 1That's helping nobody like I. I mean, I'm not strong in any sense and of course if I had my kids on me I wouldn't risk hurting me or my kids. But if I was alone and saw a woman getting like I don't stabbed or mugged, I would I would at least try to help her like I would call 911 with my phone.
Speaker 2I wouldn't film with my phone I just cannot.
Speaker 1But it really does go back with. Our communities are just kind of going so far apart and it's just like it's more about views and likes than actually being like. Oh my God, someone might get murdered or robbed Like we should probably help them.
Speaker 2Now, another interesting fact, which Merce and I were just chatting about before we started recording, is this is the first time in history well recorded history, so not that long ago where single people are actually reporting less loneliness than their married counterparts. And that is because married people get in that rut like we were talking about earlier. Whereas you go to work, you come home, you hang out with your spouse and that's it you say about earlier. Whereas you go to work, you come home, you hang out with your spouse and that's, that's it. You say what show do you want to watch tonight? Put our show on. What episode are we on? I don't know? You fell asleep last night.
Speaker 2Um, it's, it's easy. It's easy to just do that same pattern because you're like I already have someone at home I can chat with. I'm not that lonely and single people, especially in this day and age, because now it's hard to we've just been talking about for 30 minutes. It's very hard now to engage in real life. So you have to actively seek out things like I started a book club here in my neighborhood, so single people have to join. I know single people have to join the book clubs or the cooking clubs or take cooking classes like in person. You know you do fun activities to seek out social interaction in in person. So single people are actually reporting less loneliness than their married counterparts and that is rare. I mean, it's it's rare that it's happening, but it is like it's crazy that's happening.
Speaker 1That's shocking. I have a different point of view, but maybe this can help with the dilemma that maybe we're seeing. So, for instance, like bridget said, it's easy to fall into a rut, especially if you have more than one kid. You're just just so tired. I get it, but, um, when Bridget was telling me this, I I could not identify, and here is why. Here's what John and I do. That is different.
Speaker 1John and I do not allow each other to fall into this whole like because we're married, that's our identity now, or because we're mom and dad, that's our identity. We know those are identities. So obviously, like that means we respect each other, we don't do anything that would, you know, just damage the family unit. But we are still very Marissa and John without kids, and also Marissa and John, and we actively pursue girl nights, boy nights, girl trips, boy trips, marissa and John trip only you know fun night in AC, throw the kids at Gaga's, like we still do those and we look forward to those, like it's so fun for us. And I think because of that, like I don't think I would report what Bridget is saying, other people my age who might be married with kids are, and we live in the suburbs. So it is easy to fall into that. But I just, I, just maybe I, I'm just like I refuse to give, like my party girl days up, I'm like no, I must get out, let me out of jail.
Speaker 2But that's good because then you know, hopefully, if you have social interactions outside of your husband, I think that is better for your marriage. Like people always say, you can't put all your eggs in one basket. You can't put all of your emotional needs on just your one spouse. You know that person cannot be everything. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to them right, right, yeah, I understand that.
Speaker 1Um, also, I'm I. I again, I have no other point of view except my own. So I don't know, I would, maybe we'd need to get a younger person on here. But how, I feel like, because we grew up where we had to play outside right for hours until dinner time and we really the core friendships that from our childhood like, example, kimmy, for me I still have, that bond is very strong, that I consider her as close as you and I, bridget, we're very much more like sisters, just not blood sisters and I, I just love being able to go on trips with her or even just a night away with her and just have deep, deep conversations with a glass of wine.
Speaker 1How, how does that look like for younger generations that, for number one, don't even go out, don't consider. They'll call friends like best friends, but like, how close are you? Like? I feel like that's so important to have a bond like that. To go through life without those bonds. That just makes me feel very superficial and lonely.
Speaker 2It's probably a few years ago now. People always used to be like the best part of going out is like when you're getting ready with your girls, like the music's on, you all have a glass of wine, like that is the best part of the night. And then the next best part is the next day, when you all wake up in the same apartment. You're like what the fuck happened last night? And you're all like order bagels. And you know, mine's very New York specific, sorry, I went to college in New York, so get your bagel order, get your iced coffee, and that was always the best.
Speaker 2And it's because you were with your friends, the people you actually want to be with. Like, yeah, you go out and party and dance because it's fun, but like you actually are interested in just hanging out with your girlfriends and like you're all doing your makeup together, you're all straightening the shit out of your hair because it was like 2012. Like those were the best parts of the night. And well, obviously, clubs of clothes. We've known this for a while, though. Like clubs and stuff are not the interest of gen z, they don't drink as much, they don't club at all.
Speaker 1Like they're all going bankrupt they prefer bars or like social clubs that are quiet and yeah, they exactly.
Speaker 2Yeah, they say they prefer to like just meet out at a restaurant where they can actually talk and as opposed to like going out out. Um, but yeah, that I do wonder what they have to like equivalent to that. Yes, very like. That is a very bonding experience. And the best thing was like in college or whatever, if you were going out with a group of girls that you like, you knew, but not that well. By your first glass of wine and makeup session you're already like besties. Now you know what I mean. Like it immediately you're trying on each other's clothes. You're like, no, that doesn't look good, try this necklace.
Speaker 1That was like a such a bonding experience I don't know it makes, makes me sad to feel like maybe my daughter or even granddaughter would be missing out on like that core part of girlhood. That really like makes a woman. It feels like sleepovers. Not only that, but it's important to like when you look at older women and they're saying now like she was just a girl, like her outside appearance may say differently, but she's still just that girl you know, you're, she's still in the girlhood, you know, it's just like you know it.
Speaker 1I don't know. I don't know. Just would be sad to me to see that, like future generations had very superficial online friendships only.
Speaker 2I don't know I really hope the pendulum swim swings back and that parents don't give their kids phones so early. I think they the gen the older millennials and gen Xers who gave their kids phones the second they were like a thing they I hope they noticed they kind of screwed the pooch on that is. It was a total detriment. I mean we have ruined this generation of teenagers they are I'm sorry, their brains, and this is not my opinion.
Speaker 2These are facts, that their brains and attention spans are forever altered. You can read articles on it.
Speaker 1We could we've totally fucked them, I'm sorry even just meeting them, like you could just like the way they see you, you, their mannerisms, you're like and their education has plummeted.
Speaker 2They are doing so poorly compared to any previous generation on generalized knowledge, subjects, exams, everything. Massive decline in grades and interest in school. So we have really screwed them. So I'm hoping that our more like millennial, younger millennial and older Gen Z who are having kids now, I really hope that we're stricter and are more like no, you get a brick phone, okay, you only need this to call me if I'm late for practice or something. You know what I mean. You could get social media when you're a later teenager, like we talked about, not at 10. You don't need an Instagram at 10, 11, 12.
Speaker 1No, especially when you see these young kids from like ages 8 to say 12 like committing suicide because of the bullying online. That is because at that age even I would remember girls. I don't know about boys so much, but girls are so cruel during that middle school age now, about put a phone in their hand because they were already bad in person. Okay, yeah, they, they are, they don't. There's no line, you know how. There's like clearly a line in the sand that you should not cross on what you say. They don't give a fuck, not middle school girls. They don't really care about consequences, consequences, who, what's that? They don't know, yeah, and then they say anything.
Speaker 2And then these people are the thing that I thought about. So the article then goes into talk about, obviously, how phones are like the absolute, like nail in the coffin for why we are lonely now, which, yes, I don't need to explain that to you guys, but I was just on social media the other day. I was on Instagram and I saw that, or no, maybe I was reading it in the news, I can't remember. Now, um, anyway, I saw some content talking about how, you know, gen z used to mock us all the time a few years ago. It was calling us chuggy, whatever.
Speaker 2Now they've actually had a full circle moment where gen z, especially gen z girls, are like making uh, growing up in our age, like more nostalgic and like um putting on a pedestal because they were saying like, oh, we wish for, like you know, those wanderlust 2012 days, and like feather in your hair watching girls broad city, like all the classic comedies and dramas at that time, which now that I'm thinking about because we just talked about it's like fresh in my head. I just put the dots together. Um connecteded the dots. That's that saying. I just did that. I put the dots together, those shows, and that like kind of like wanting to pay homage to that era is because it was all about girls hanging out, like Broad City is about best friends living in New York.
Making Real Connections in Modern Life
Speaker 2Girls, friends living in New York, like those were such a good thing for us because we could relate to them like we were growing, we were coming of age at that time and it was like I remember when I watched Girls a little bit later than it came out, because I think I was in high school when I watched it in college and I was living in New York at the time and I was like like this is so relatable. But they don't have that now. And that's why they're now like totally putting millennials on this pedestal and they're saying like what a time to be alive. Like the country was so different. Obviously the economy was then bouncing back and now it might not be so it was just a different mentality. Like the world just felt lighter and it was like coming of age with your gal pal and they don't have that now. So now they're no longer mocking us. Apparently the tiktokers now like millennials goodness.
Speaker 1Well, that, and I've seen, because I guess alpha is coming for gen z now because they're making them feel irrelevant and old, so they're get it now these little jerks.
Speaker 2I mean, how old is the oldest gen alpha?
Speaker 1now, don't know uh, I want to say maybe, maybe freshman, right? No, let's look it up. If not, maybe eighth grade, it's gotta be, because my kids are not even alpha, they're beta. I think that's the next one, right? Yeah, which is like insulting yeah it is, but yet they're saying they're crazier than alpha.
Speaker 2Okay so no, you're Alpha Generation Alpha, the youngest generation, includes individuals between 2010 and 2024.
Speaker 1Oh, so both my kids are Alpha.
Speaker 2Yeah, you're Alpha, don't worry. Ln.
Speaker 1LN. They're almost Beta. They're literally at the end of that. Wait, 2010? Told you so they're. What age is that? Sorry, I can't do. Yeah, they're 15. I mean, oh yeah, tell me, I'm right. I want you to say oh, my god, they're freshmen and sophomore. It's old.
Speaker 2You say it right now oh my god, you're right what I remember when gen alpha was created everybody knows, I'm always right oh my god, I I don't even care that I'm wrong, I care that I'm old that's crazy oh my god, ew. We're like the gen xers now, like there were two below us, but now there's three below ew. Oh my god, marissa, what the fuck.
Speaker 1I'm sorry that you just figured that out, live.
Speaker 2She's trying to grieve. They were some high school guys.
Speaker 1They're in high school and that's why they're making the old, the Gen Z, feel irrelevant, cause they're they think they're the cool kids now.
Speaker 2Holy shit, that's alarming. That was really shocking, okay, wow. Well, now it's cool to be a millennial. Everybody shit on us. We actually had a childhood. Yep, yes, we did. No regrets.
Speaker 1Regrets. Don't know if they'll get that one, but no regrets, regrets, regrets, anyway. But yeah, no, I do, I try, I try to keep. Obviously I, my kids, don't have a phone. They have like bridget's old phone, just for time. They use it for time and like um, they like, use your um color thing. The notes has a coloring area oh does it yeah, but other than that, like it does not operate, does not call anybody. They obviously have no social media.
Speaker 2Yeah, I'm gonna keep it that way, because ain't no way yeah, I tell y'all, friends, people, can we all make a kind of like an unwritten rule that our generation doesn't give these kids phones for a long time? Can we stop with the phones? I can't stand when you see like kids texting and they're like I don't know nine and you're like um who are you texting like this?
Speaker 1but like, I feel like it does hinder the imagination, it really does just like, get out there, like, please, for the love of god. Right now I'm finally facing a hurdle in parenting that I didn't think was going to come this soon, but I feel like I stood my ground and it was great. So jack sees john game all the time and I knew this was going to be a problem eventually, meaning that he was going to ask me early about gaming. But I thought I was going to avoid it for a bit longer. And he said well, I would like to game daddy games. Why am I not allowed to game? And I didn't want to give him the whole like because I said so, because I felt like I wasn't really good enough.
Speaker 1But I tried to explain to him the harmful effects and then I tried to tell him, even though it was a lie, because John corrected me. John said he was his age when he got it. It almost fell over Really, but I tried to tell him, though, it's different. Then they didn't have 4K screens and, like you know, it was like remember when Terra had, like Nintendo, harmful?
Speaker 2so I tried to explain to john, like even though you had it young it wasn't the same, it's not as bad.
Speaker 1Oh, games were totally different then. Yeah, so then, um, he lied with me though for jack, he was like yeah, I got it when I was older, buddy, like when I was 16. I was like I'm sorry, jack, but it's just, it's gonna be a no from us, because I don't need you addicted to that. There's too much violence, it's harmful for your brain. I was like trying to explain it in his language. He got it, but he's he was a little bummed.
Speaker 1He was like I want a gaming system and I was like well, when you're 16, we'll talk about it. Just because I just got to the stage where it's like I finally tried to like get him to enjoy being outside, even though he's kind of like a prima donna a bit with like he doesn't like bugs, he doesn't. He doesn't if it's too dirty. He was like so, like I finally just got him to go outside for at least two hours, which is a big deal for my family. And I'm like no, because once I it's over Game over, literally once he gets that gaming system, he'll just be one of those addicted and that might affect his weight, his mental health. I'm like no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2And he is your shyer kid.
Speaker 1So he'll just be like, no, I'm just gonna game, I don't want to make friends, whereas he needs to be pushed a bit. He does. He does also, like john has told me, the crazy thing. So the these games are not monitored in sense where, like you couldn't, even if you're on a little kid game, like an adult or even just an older teenager who uses horrible language, yes, on these games, I don't want my kids learning things or committing suicide because someone bullied him. I, I don't need it, I just no, you shouldn't have access to the world yet.
Speaker 2Yes, gaming spheres are very much known for their like. Well, now that we all watch adolescence, their red pill mentality, it's like a hub for horrible misogyny and racism. Yeah, gaming Grooming.
Speaker 1Yeah, it's a bit scary Grooming older men with younger boys grooming a lot. So many documentaries on that shit. No, no yeah.
Speaker 2So you definitely, if they're doing like live games like that, you really need to be careful.
Speaker 1That is scary I would rather not even worry about, because before, besides all that horrific stuff, like I said, isolation, mental health, obesity, awkwardness, right Because he just socially cannot. I'm like attention span. I need him right now not to brag, our kid is a great student. I get great remarks and it's not because I'm helping him. He just is genuinely good at math, must be from John. Great at reading, great at spelling. His writing could be a little neater. He's a little bit of a pre-doctor signature, but he could spell, though he can. So I'm like I don't need this going down. I don't want someone who's clearly on the rise of being a good student to tank because he'd rather be gaming and he, his attention, isn't good for school anymore this is a good lesson, though, as we all know, what you teach your kids is hardly as important as what they see.
Speaker 2What you do in front of them, they absorb, as you know. Especially, they always hear or see the one thing you do not want them to hear or see, and you're like how did you pick that up? All the good stuff I put in your head, you don't hear.
Speaker 1None of it, not any of it.
Speaker 2So I consciously like, will not use my phone in front of Theo unless it's for literally a second to like log a feed. I do not use it in front of him. He was a fresh newborn and he couldn't see I would like scroll whatever. I don't even put my phone near me anymore because he sees it and he knows what it is. It's crazy we don't give him screen time at all, but he knows exactly what it is.
Speaker 1It's crazy we don't give him screen time at all, but he knows exactly what it is because he's seen us use it. Yeah, so I stopped like I cut the phone off for myself. I was like peace gotta go. Well, that forced you to make a book club. Good for you, exactly. Yeah, you didn't fake socialization.
Speaker 2good job this week, actually, it's well, it's next week, so cool. So we decided that every obviously like how book clubs work, like you rotate who picks the book, but it's going to change like the whole theme of our book club. So the one on tuesday, um jen chose and it's a cookbook club this for next week. So she picked a cookbook and we each get to make a recipe, so like there's salads, some starters, a main and she's going to do the dessert and you all meet up and bring. Yeah, and she picked a really good book. It's cool, it's called Greek-ish, it's very saucy, it looks good. All the food looks amazing.
Speaker 1I'm very jealous. It sounds like a very funny food, I know.
Speaker 2I know, because I'm a terrible cook, so I'm like really nervous. I don't know, pear, that look yummy. I scoop shit in the bowl. Look good to me, I'd still eat it.
Speaker 1The recipes are quite involved, so we'll see well, pick the easiest one and slap it in there I have a sticky tahini and date eggplant oh damn, that's not really good I know, and the pictures are insane I will say, even if I get any recipe to remotely taste good and I'm proud of myself it still doesn't look anything like the photo.
Speaker 2Oh, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1I'm like what the hell? That looks great, mine looks like a piece of crap, yes, but anyway, I'm proud of you. Go, bridget Snaps, snaps.
Speaker 2Now. So that was our segment on loneliness. I'm just going to totally shift gears for all my White Lotus girlies who saw it coming, let me know Comment who saw those deaths coming. All right, I just finished the finale this morning, so I'm two days late on it. I'm very sad. That's all I have to say I'm to say season so I need to catch the heck up. No, you definitely do. White lotus is so good. I don't know how you're not like right on it okay.
Speaker 1So again, I haven't seen any other season except the first. So maybe I'm wrong about it, but from what I saw when I started the second, it was a whole new cast with a different white lotus yes, with a different white lotus, somewhere else around the world with a new cast but it bothered me. I don't know. I was so invested in the cast they had, I don't know.
Speaker 2Oh no, you'll fall in love with different cast members.
Speaker 1Trust me I just gotta take the dive.
Speaker 2I gotta do it you do you need to take the dive, um, but yeah, uh. So let me know who I mean. Did you think it was predictable? Are you sad about it? I'm sure everyone is sad about the deaths, but please let me know.
Speaker 1Woo, well, as always. Thank you for listening. Please like, share. Subscribe to psychotic PY podcast. Um, our biggest help is YouTube, youtube, but if you prefer to follow us on instagram or facebook, we're there too. Uh, and, as always, thanks for hanging with us yay, thank you so much, this has been fun.
Speaker 2Bye, bye.