What is Human Giver Syndrome? Why All Women Should Know!

In this episode, host Meagan Clark, LPC, dives deep into Human Giver Syndrome, a concept that explores how societal expectations condition women to prioritize others at the expense of their own well-being.

We’ll unpack:

• What Human Giver Syndrome is and its systemic roots.
• Common signs, including guilt, burnout, and difficulty setting boundaries.
• How it impacts women’s mental health and relationships.
• Actionable steps to break free, reclaim your joy, and redefine your worth.

Whether you’re navigating these challenges yourself or supporting others who are, this episode offers compassionate insights and practical tools to help you prioritize your well-being without guilt.

💡 Join the conversation @hertimetotalk, and let’s empower each other to live lighter, freer, and more fulfilling lives.

#HerTimeTherapy #HumanGiverSyndrome #MentalHealthMatters #FeministTherapy #WomenSupportingWomen #TherapyForWomen #BreakTheCycle #SelfCareIsNotSelfish #EmpoweredLiving #HerTimeToTalk

Transcript

Meagan: 0:00

Welcome to Her Time to Talk, the podcast where we dive deep into the unique mental health challenges women face and explore practical strategies to empower you. I'm Megan Clark, licensed professional counselor, and today we're tackling a powerful and important concept in the world of women's mental health. Human Giver Syndrome. We'll break it down, explore its symptoms, discuss how it impacts women, and offer actionable steps to help you address it, including how therapy may play a vital role for you. So, grab a cup of tea or coffee, settle in, and let's talk about reclaiming your time, energy, and well being. Let's start with the basics. Have you ever felt like your value is tied solely to what you can give to others? like you're only as good as your ability to meet everyone else's needs. If so, that is exactly what the patriarchy wants you to feel. It's also evidence that you might be experiencing what's known as human giver syndrome. This term was first introduced by philosopher Kate Mann in her book titled Down Girl, The Logic of Misogyny, in which she describes the societal expectation that women, far more than men, are obligated to fulfill the role of caretakers, nurturers, and, ultimately, the givers of the world. While giving and nurturing can be beautiful and fulfilling, Human Giver Syndrome essentially twists these qualities into something harmful because women are conditioned from birth to put the needs of others in front of their own. Not only does this leave women with unmet needs, it leaves us feeling guilty And shameful when we dare to take time for self care or spend things like time or money on ourselves. Does any of this sound familiar? When women are socialized to believe that their worth depends on how much they sacrifice for others, we develop a mindset that leads to exhaustion, resentment, and even a loss of self worth. We see this all the time in our clients that come to her time therapy for support. It's pervasive. And these struggles show up in all domains of your life. From the workplace, to your relationships, and even in the relationship that you have with yourself. So, how do you know if you're experiencing human giver syndrome? Well, let's go through some common signs. Signs. Number one, you feel that women's guilt. Overwhelming guilt that pops up anytime that you take time for yourself. Even if it's something simple, like getting a full night's rest, or saying no to taking on yet another responsibility. Even if you know it's important to say no and you're overextending yourself by saying yes, there's still that little feeling of guilt that creeps up, that frankly drains our mental and emotional energy. You may also notice yourself having difficulty setting boundaries. Are you hesitant to assist your own self and cater to your needs because you have this feeling that doing so would be selfish or even cold or unkind? This can often come up, and we hear this a lot with women learning to set boundaries for some of the first times, They may feel cold and shameful because we have been conditioned to feel that setting boundaries is not a good thing. Because it makes other people unhappy with us. And unfortunately that is sometimes a consequence of some really good boundary setting. Those that are benefiting from us not having boundaries are not going to necessarily be happy when we set the boundaries we need feel good. You may also be experiencing chronic burnout. So ask yourself, do you constantly feel drained emotionally or physically because you're always prioritizing others? And this includes family, friends, work. showing up a certain way. It's exhausting. Women think about so much all the time and just the overwhelming to do list can really burn us out. So if you notice those symptoms of chronic stress, this oftentimes can be linked to human giver syndrome. And lastly, you may notice some resentment or frustration coming up. Especially if your efforts to care for others are not being reciprocated, appreciated, or even acknowledged. If you've nodded along to any of these, I promise you're not alone. These are common experiences, especially for women juggling careers, caregiving, relationships, and just all the societal pressures we face. And while recognizing the symptoms is the first step, it's just as important to understand the root cause. Human Giver Syndrome isn't just an individual problem, it's systemic. Societal norms, cultural expectations, and even media portrayals reinforce the idea that women are the emotional glue that holds everything together. Think about it. How often are women praised for doing it all and being selfless? You'll see this all the time in movies and TV shows that the good woman, the good wife, the good mother is the one that dedicates her entire being and her entire life to her partner or her kids or her work. It's always about pouring outward. And while these qualities can be admirable, they're often celebrated at the expense of a woman's mental and physical health. This conditioning is pervasive and it starts early. We are teaching girls to prioritize others happiness and suppress their own needs from very young ages. And this is something to be aware of and notice even with your own kids. Studies show that women perform the majority of unpaid caregiving work worldwide. From child care to elder care. and while caregiving can be rewarding to us because we are doing something that we feel passionate about and that we feel like is important, it often comes at the cost of our personal well being, especially when societal support systems like child care is lacking. And it's not just about caregiving, even in professional settings, women are more likely to take on what's called invisible labor. Things like managing the household, managing everyone's schedule, making appointments, monitoring team morale or even family morale at different events, maybe even organizing those events, making all the holiday magic happen. All of these tasks that are behind the scene are essential, but they are often deemed women's work that is undervalued and unacknowledged. And all of this has real consequences for women's mental health. Human Giver Syndrome can lead to things like chronic stress, anxiety and depression, and also a lot of physical health issues. Things like headaches, fatigue, weakened immune systems, unexplained chronic pain and illnesses can often be tied back to human giver syndrome and all that it takes from us. But here's the good news. You can start to break free from this cycle and it starts with awareness as well as small intentional changes including helping others in our life be better. reciprocal in caring for one another. So let's talk about how. The first step to overcoming human giver syndrome is challenging the narrative that your worth is completely tied to your self sacrifice. Let's dive into some actionable steps you can take. Number one, let's practice redefining your worth. We got to remind ourselves that our value is not based on what we do for others. You as a woman are inherently worthy of love and respect just as you are as an individual human being in this world. Number two, we need to practice setting boundaries and identifying where those boundaries need to be set and how to hold them. This can be especially challenging, but it is essential. And I want you to remember, too, that the people in our lives that benefit the most from us not having boundaries are not going to be happy when we start setting them. And that's okay. That can actually be a sign of progress, that others are not completely thrilled with us prioritizing ourselves and setting the boundaries we need to be healthy. And really retain our peace and redirect our energy to where it needs to be. So start small by saying no to maybe one thing a week that feels like it's an unnecessary drain on your energy or saying no to making a decision that is really not something that has to be on your shoulders each week. You can practice saying no. For example, you could tell someone that is trying to give you another task to add to your plate, you know what, I would love to help but I simply can't take that on right now. Remember, no can be a complete answer. Number three, we need to do a better job at prioritizing our own self care. Because self care is not selfish, it's actually survival. And when we're talking about self care, we are talking about things like taking a walk, journaling, spending time with supportive friends, and carving just a little alone time out from each day for ourselves. But it's also the type of self care that is maybe not so obvious or so fun. Things like practicing good financial self care, increasing our financial literacy, engaging medical appointments and checkups that we have been putting off for ourselves. Some of the less glamorous self care is sometimes the most important. Number four, we want to work on reclaiming our joy. So ask yourself, what activities light you up? And in what way can you reconnect with those hobbies or passions that have taken a back seat to things like caregiving and work? Oftentimes we'll have clients come into her time and we'll ask them that question of, what activities light you up? What brings you joy? And they have no idea. Because they are so deep into human giver syndrome that they have lost touch with themselves. And so much of their time in their life is spent pouring outward, that they have kind of lost touch with what they actually enjoy and what they would like to spend their time on if they had free time to spend on themselves. So at this level. we may need to just start trying new things again and experimenting with things that could possibly bring you joy so that you can kind of get reoriented with yourself and your joy center. lastly, it's really important to seek support and create an empowering community around you that is also on this journey and is supportive of what you're doing with this work. Breaking free from human giver syndrome isn't something that you have to do alone. And if you feel like you are alone in that, and there's really not people in your life that get it and support you in this journey, therapy can be a good place to turn to. Whether it's individual counseling with a feminist oriented therapist who really It pushes your personal growth and empowerment, or it could be working with support groups where you get to connect with another circle of women that are also on this journey and doing this work. There's a lot of different ways that therapists can help you build that community and learn how to connect with others that are going to be supportive to your journey rather than, also kind of becoming another drain on your mental and emotional energy. A skilled therapist can really do some great work with you in helping you to identify where negative patterns started, especially patterns of guilt and shame that are some hallmark symptoms of human giver syndrome. Once we've identified these patterns and how it's showing up for us, we get to work through challenging some unhelpful belief systems and really re engaging in our own lives to build strategies that work for us to build positive change. At Her Time Therapy, we specialize in helping women navigate their unique mental health challenges and our approach is compassionate, empowering, and tailored to your unique needs. So whether you're struggling with Symptoms of human giver syndrome like burnout, anxiety, or boundary setting. We are here to help. We've been there. We are a group of women supporting women in this work. So we really do get it. We're here for more than just solving problems. Therapy is really all about creating the life you deserve. lighter, more more free to prioritize your own well being without all the guilt. Learn more at www. cdc. gov That's really what we're here to help you achieve and it's what's overcoming human giver syndrome can be all about. That's all for today's episode of Her Time to Talk. Thank you so much for joining us as we explored human giver syndrome, its impact on women's mental health, and practical steps for breaking free.