The C.H.O.D.E.S. Podcast
Two cousins, Maria and Leslie, discussing wild personal experiences in relationships, current events, and just life. We are sharing our experiences for relatability and entertainment. There will be laughs with a lot of gasps and we will also get down to the very intimate and raw details of the dating world and life lessons at every turning point.
Email us to thechodes3@gmail.com
The C.H.O.D.E.S. Podcast
One-Night Wonders, Tech probs & Friendship Fiascos
Ever had one of those dates that left you wondering why you didn't just stay home with a good book? Buckle up, friends, because I'm about to take you on a rollercoaster ride through a Facebook dating escapade that ended with more than just my spirits dampened in Little Tokyo. And if you've ever felt the FOMO while everyone else is out soaking up the Coachella sun, you'll appreciate our music-filled banter.
But it's not all rain clouds and missed concerts; life's spontaneous moments often lead to the most unforgettable stories. Picture this: an unexpected night out in downtown LA, complete with a motley crew of new acquaintances, tipsy scooter rides, and the kind of bonding that only happens when you're sharing laughs under neon lights. It's a candid look at the ups and downs of diving back into dating after a breakup, embracing the wild ride that is single life, and the lessons learned along the way.
The heart of our conversation, though, is about the ties that bind us—whether they're wrapped in love, friendship, or something a bit more complicated. We open up about the painful process of sifting through a toxic friendship and the bravery it takes to redraw personal boundaries.
Join us for an episode that's as much about the laughs as it is about the real talk on navigating the connections that shape our lives.
DM us your questions or tell us your story!
https://linktr.ee/thech0despodcast
Hi everyone, welcome to Cousins, honestly, openly Discussing Everything Spicy Welcome to the chutes.
Speaker 2:We're keeping the term I said to myself don't do that again.
Speaker 1:And you still did it. Oh well, babe, how are you? She got lost in her bird chirps.
Speaker 2:Did we ever get feedback on that?
Speaker 1:No, our shout out didn't reach out to the other pigeon, I know.
Speaker 2:Sending that with all my heart.
Speaker 1:I know that one was perfect too.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, babe. First and foremost we apologize for the many, many technical difficulties we've been having. It's been a whole ass. What three weeks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a long awaited three weeks. But we apologize because we are learning and we're learning with our technology. That's going against us. But now I have a new mic. Your laptop is fixed. Hopefully this works out. Fingers crossed, guys.
Speaker 2:Fingers crossed for real. Yeah, my laptop is doing good. Thank you for no, thank you for waiting for us and thank you to my friend who fixed it for me. Feel free, that's very important. Yeah, and then thank you to the Chode for sponsoring you with the new mic. Yay, finally.
Speaker 1:The main Chode came through.
Speaker 2:I know how do you feel. Are you feeling like Tina Turner?
Speaker 1:I like it. I have my little Selena moments with this microphone. It looks like a legit microphone. I sent you a snap, huh.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you did. That was a cute two seconds.
Speaker 1:Oh, I thought I recorded more.
Speaker 2:No, but it was very festive. I wish I could have saved it.
Speaker 1:What was I singing? Gwen Stefani, it's my Life.
Speaker 2:Girl you were singing, it's my Life and in my head I was like the other song. Is it Bon Jovi who sings the other one? I don't know, but our brains think different when it comes to music, girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're totally opposite when it comes to music. Oh my gosh Speaking of music.
Speaker 2:Are you feeling FOMO from Coachella? Because I am. I've never wanted to go to that shit here in this year.
Speaker 1:Are you kidding me? These now lana wannabe fans. I was like are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Oh yes, I'm having that, I'm having the fomo, but I've been, uh, keeping up with the live streams and like watching her videos. I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed.
Speaker 2:I saw some guy posted my like on his instagram stories that lana was trash. Oh girl, I the way. I followed him. Real quick, he's trash yeah he's trash and yuck.
Speaker 1:Is it right it had to be a male? Yeah, it had to be a useless. Whatever haters, whatever haters. Lana is like he's probably a fucking taylor.
Speaker 2:Should follow her too, taylor Swift follower too.
Speaker 1:Oh ew, Okay. But you know what? I know that a lot of y'all love her, so let's have a moment of silence for y'all.
Speaker 2:For all of y'all, not me. Fuck that bitch.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, mariah, you're like the number one, taylor hitter.
Speaker 2:Like I've always said, if I'm ever in a dangerous situation and I text you that I love Taylor Swift, that's how you know. That's how you know that I'm like that you're in danger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's your SOS. Somebody's holding me at gunpoint at that moment because and for me it would be J-Lo, because she's irrelevant and I don't like her, never did. Who?
Speaker 2:oh, we got owls up in here all the birds.
Speaker 1:All the birds have pigeons and owls, oh my gosh. So how was your weekend? Because this is the the main event right here at the story time, but okay, well, quick little update, please tell.
Speaker 2:I tried Facebook dating. Fine, recognize my stupid face. Like it kept telling me it wasn't me. I was like, okay, so one day, yeah, and you're like, how is it not me? Yeah, so one day I did my makeup, like all of a sudden it went through. I'm like all right, I don't look that much different, but whatever.
Speaker 2:And so I was on it last weekend and I started talking to some guy and like around 3 pm he was like hey, so what are you doing today? And I'm like nothing, I'm working right now. And he was like oh, would you like some tapas or beer? And I'm like, yeah, sure, like usually, I wouldn't say no, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't say yes, I mean. But she was bored, she was bored out of her mind. So I was like, ok, well, I mean, but she was bored, she was bored out of her mind. So I was like, okay, well, I'm gonna finish working, go to the gym and then we can meet up like around 730. And he chose Little Tokyo, which, as you know, one of my favorite places in LA. So we went and so we met up there.
Speaker 2:Girl and ma'am, when I tell you that I got out of my house and it was raining like pouring fucking rain, and I was like what the fuck am I doing? I was disappointed with myself because I would never, but I did. Oh yeah, it rained on Saturday. I totally forgot about that. Yeah, girl, I was wearing my umbrella. Anyway, I got there and this guy was already inside, like he had already ordered beers for himself.
Speaker 1:Red flag.
Speaker 2:So we're going back to all the episodes today and I was like I would have rather you waited for me outside, but whatever, not a gentleman, inservible, inservible. So I go inside and you know we're talking, but he, he was like kind of like uninterested, you could say, like he would ask me.
Speaker 1:Like you got the vibe that he was not feeling it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but like he was trying to look cool by not caring, you know what I mean. So like, and I would respond. And then he was like, yeah, like, whatever, like, and he would start talking about himself. And I was just like, oh, why the fuck did it come? Then, as the night went on, we were talking and we ended up laughing a lot Because at that point I was just like I don't give a fuck about you, so I wasn't trying anymore, so I was just being my regular stupid self. And then we ended up going to another bar and at that bar it was like a cigar bar and I needed to pee. Girl, I needed to pee so bad so.
Speaker 2:I just went straight to the restroom because I have I have been drinking beer and when I come out, like he's not nowhere to be seen, I'm like where the fuck did he go? So I messaged him. I'm like, where did you go? And I look outside. He's outside with two other dudes already like forming another group, and I'm like sir, what the fuck. So I go out and I'm like sir, what the heck? So I go out and I'm like, hey, you know, oh, it's because we're smoking cigars, like se creía la gran mierda. You know, like he was like that's shit. And so I was just like, hmm, okay. So he put his jacket on a table, so I assumed we're going to sit at that table. No, I went to sit at that table.
Speaker 2:This fucker stayed talking to these guys that he just met, mind you, and I was like, ay, dios mio. Like in my head I was like poor guy lives a couple blocks away from here. I should just walk, but I didn't, I didn't, and so the poor guy story is a story for another day. Let's just put it that way. So, yeah, so we ended up kind of like talking there, and then at that point I was like why am I sitting here? So I just went and mingled with the guys that he was talking to too, because what the fuck else, you know, like I was. Like you want to call attention to yourself, I'm going to call attention to myself. So I started talking to them and then we ended up becoming this fucking little group of people. Like drinking and smoking, I tried cigars. Not for me, babe, not for me.
Speaker 1:Not for me either. I tried them before. Not my thing.
Speaker 2:I don't understand them. Like you know, I smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 1:I don't learn that so much, but I just don't understand how, like the, it's different, it's a little stronger, it's just different. I'll leave that for the boys. The boys, not men. The boys.
Speaker 2:Well, some older men look sexy doing it, but it had to be rich. Aesthetics, aesthetics, aesthetics, it's really aesthetics. So, anyway, girl, long story long after that, they're like you want to go to another bar? I know another bar, dude. It's really cool. They have the greatest fucking drink and you can smoke inside. That piqued my attention because I don't know of no bar in LA that you can smoke inside. So I was like fuck it, let's go. This is interesting, let me find out, I know. So we ended up going to this other bar called Cañas, I think Caña Bar or something like that. But, girl, this fucker.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was having being um, como se dice, like I was traumatized from london. The, the sentence we can walk there traumatized me. This guy wanted to walk. He's like, oh, yeah, it's something like like 10 blocks away. Mind you, I'm wearing my steve madden boots in downtown la with the raining weather. I'm like, yeah, sure, so. Then we get to the corner and he's like oh, have you guys ever done like the bird scooters? Let's just fucking do that. And I'm like dude, I don't even know how to drive a car, like, I don't know how to ride a bike, I don't know how, like anything with wheels, it's just nothing, no. And so, hey, don't worry, babe, like, like I got you, like, just you know, get in the front.
Speaker 1:And girl, I think I said you a snap, you did, you did, you said you're like I rode a scooter in downtown LA and I'm drunk and I was like, oh, oh, ok. I was like I didn't know that you never rode a scooter.
Speaker 2:I never had. I don't know, I'm scared of those things. Nurses say that those are deadly, but anyway, I did. I was drunk, so I didn't think about the risks Clear as everything else in this story. So, listen, we get there and these guys leave me outside the bar and they go park the scooters in I don't know how many blocks, so like we ended up taking the scooters there to not have to walk and then they had to go park the scooters in I don't know how many blocks, so like we ended up taking the scooters there to not have to walk and then they had to go park the scooters like two blocks away, three blocks away, I don't know.
Speaker 2:And I was just like dude and it was crazy and I was like where the fuck is this guy? Did he just leave me here? He left me with his jacket, it was a thing. So we went inside the bar. I ended up ordering a watermelon margarita with vodka, not tequila. Tequila and I are not friends, and so that fucked me up, so I was already drunk. Then that fucked me up even more.
Speaker 1:Because I mixed it.
Speaker 2:You know my bad habits. So, yeah, girl, like we ended up dancing with this guy, he was feeling up on me and so, like you know, your cousin got a little, you know offended.
Speaker 2:So we ended up, both of us like, well, who do you live with? And I'm like my mom. He's like who do you live with? No, I was like who do you live with? He's like my parents. I'm like so, what are we going to do? So we ended up, just you know, finding like a place and let's just say it was good. I couldn't give you measurements, but I felt.
Speaker 1:Did you really feel it, though? Because she was on a good one, she's like pretty because I remember it oh, okay say less, but yeah, that was, that was my facebook update.
Speaker 2:um as of seven days later, I have not heard from him. Oh my God, but do I want to no.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Like he was from the get-go. It was like, oh, I know I'm not going to see you again, like I'm not going to see you again ever. And you know he was just what he was.
Speaker 1:Right, you got yours, he got his. It is what it is.
Speaker 2:Boys and kids, boys and kids, boys and girls. Get out of the house as soon as possible.
Speaker 1:The market is not great out there. It's not Well. I hung out with my BFF since we were in high school and she was telling me about her single girl ventures. And so, quick little background story, she recently got dumped by her ex. Well, I don't know how to say it, it was her fiance and now they're not. So now he's an ex.
Speaker 1:So she got out of an engagement, you can say, and so now she's back on the dating apps. And how? How long ago is this? It's been like three or five months since she got left, maybe six. No, it was like after thanksgiving dick, but Dick butt, I don't know. That's a story for another time again. But anyway, she's back on the dating apps.
Speaker 1:And she was telling me how she met this guy. I forgot on what freaking app, but she basically said that this guy was not her type at all, but she was like let me give him a chance, and that she was at the point where she's so over the shit that's out there that on a state this guy would not shut up about himself, like he was just talking about himself. She said that he then, after 10 minutes of straight talking about himself, asked her a question and she said, before I answer, are you going to continue talking about yourself? And she's like Leslie, that's the level I'm at right now with men. I was like, oh my god, the market is not great up there. So, yeah, the apps are just failing.
Speaker 2:The dating world is failing, failing yeah, um, I feel her pain because that's the reason I stopped, remember I hadn't seen anybody, like I hadn't gone out with anybody, I hadn't done anything with anybody since november, because I was just so fucking over it, like I was just giving myself a space to like even muster the courage to talk to another man in public, like that's how bad it is, and it's like draining.
Speaker 1:You have to get ready, you have to present yourself and put up with what Stupidity, arrogance, I don't know. Yeah, mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:But but but. But it's not all bad out there, because I know you have a story to tell us too about your weekend. No, not really, ma'am. Didn't you see your man on the weekend? I did.
Speaker 1:It was cute, it was family time, yeah, family time with my man.
Speaker 2:It's a hopeful story for the rest of us who are suffering the single life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure us who are suffering the single life. Um, yeah, sure, we hung out. We went to a baseball game that got postponed because of the rain, and then we went back watch movies. We did our thing, we did that thing, we did our thing, and that was about it.
Speaker 2:Oh, so she was also satisfied this weekend.
Speaker 1:I was, I was. I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm very happy for you.
Speaker 1:Thank you. I was like I don't know, I don't know how much hope that brings up to people.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, for the hopeless romantics Because despite everything I'm still a hopeless romantic and I hate myself for it like I still think that I'm gonna have that freaking, because I grew up watching 13, going on 30 and freaking. What's another feel-good move? So did I? So did I? 10 days like? So did I so, uh, I just you know everybody deserves that type of love and I still hope that's good, that you still have hope I'm in it and I'm still.
Speaker 1:Is there hope? Is there hope? Yeah, I don't know. I just feel my mentality is like anything can happen at any given moment, like men and women do not surprise me anymore, like just relationships, monogamy and all that kind of stuff like it. Just it's a thing of the past. I don't think it was ever real, and I'm not saying it because I'm going through something I'm not going in. I hope I'm not going through anything again hope hoping, but shit.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying because I'm hearing all my friends and like I'm telling you, she got out of an engagement, like the guy changed his mind. He changed his mind Asking for space, all because they were looking for venues.
Speaker 2:Oh, that is right. I hate that guy. I don't know him, I don't even think of him in person, but I know of her and I just I hate him for what he did to her. Do you have?
Speaker 1:or that you consider to be your friends. I'm not talking like acquaintances, Talking about friends, people you trust, people who know intimate stuff about you but they're not related to you.
Speaker 2:Everybody, everybody just heard what I just said.
Speaker 1:This is why I have to specify.
Speaker 2:Let me see, I have, I want to say, like really close friends, probably less than 10. Like really really close friends that I, you know I can count on with them like wholeheartedly. And then the rest of the people I know they're just acquaintances or like people that I've met through my life and that we just kind of keep in contact, but like it's not people that I would call at 3 in the morning like hey, I need you. You know, I have my best friend. I have known her for 12 years, basically my whole professional career. She gave me a ride once and I just never left her car. So yeah, she's my best friend. I hang out with her a lot. Her daughter, her daughter's freaking funny, I've seen her grow up. And then I have other friends that I kind of hang out, like my friend that I was talking about last episode, the work episode, I still see her all the time.
Speaker 2:I actually hung out with her two Sundays ago. We went to brunch and I was like I was talking about you on the podcast and she's like, oh, I haven't heard it, but I will. I'm like hmm.
Speaker 1:So is she really a friend? Is she really a friend?
Speaker 2:I know Are. I know Are you? Are you, If you're listening, text me? Yeah? And then my friends from Guatemala that I know that if I go back, like I will see them and it's like nothing has ever changed since we were kids. You know what about you?
Speaker 1:I was counting while you were speaking, literally finger counting, and I want to say I'm between nine and ten.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's a good number for like close friendships, right, it is as you get older.
Speaker 1:I think so, yeah, because building friendships as you get older is just on another level. So I have two friends from high school that we're still in touch, one not so much because our schedules conflict, but the other one for sure. Like we make it a thing to either see each other once a month or like every other month, just because our schedule is the same. As you adult, you have to make appointments with this shit. But, um, that's high school, from work, I developed like a good six of them, so that's eight. And I've been working with them for what? 13 years, or I've known them for 13 years, yeah. And one is a childhood friend. Well, she's like a family friend, and so we still see each other, keep in touch. I've seen her have babies and all that. You know. Um, who else? I'm trying to think. And then I have one really good friend from Guatemala, so I know, like with her we still try to keep in touch.
Speaker 2:We had a thing where we would call each other on Thursdays and that slowly faded out again due to work schedules yeah, it's definitely important to make time for friends but, dude, even us just trying to record this fucking podcast, it's like our schedules also conflict. And like with friends it's even worse because, know, like each person has their own lives. I saw my ex-co-workers, who are also my close friends, last Friday but, girl, one of them has two kids and the other one is, you know, like she's older, she has her husband, her kids and stuff. But it's really hard. Like prior to that we had seen each other in like January I think, and prior to that it had been like five years, and it's always the same thing of like, oh yeah, like we should totally hang out, and then it just doesn't happen you know because life happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's important to. How do they call it um? What's that word people use? Not maintain, como like regar las plantas, pero like in English. How do you say that?
Speaker 1:I don't know like flourish, Flourish a friendship Maintain.
Speaker 2:I'll call it to me. You get my juice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I'm glad that the friendships that I have, that I've known them for years, so I got to see more than half of my friends grow, literally grow, kind of like what me and you were talking about earlier. We're not the same people that we were five or ten years ago, so it's just interesting to see how we all grew and went into making our own lives and and we still keep in touch. It's nice and like. What I like is like what you were saying earlier when you hang out with them it's like time hasn't passed by, like you can catch up to them, like like nothing's happened, like like nothing's happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's important because I have a friend who has a friend, okay, and this friend is like super needy and so anytime that my friend hangs out with me, it's like the end of the world for her other friend. And I don't understand that, because I'm like how do you like, how do you want to like, have all of this person's time, you know? Yeah, and so there's, there's people that are like that. They're just like energy vampires. I guess you could call them.
Speaker 2:And then there's yeah, like my mom and her friend so yeah, like I like that type of friendship where you don't have to be freaking like constant all the time. You know like we have to talk every day and like stuff like that. Like because again life happens like you don't have time or the bandwidth sometimes to just communicate with your friends, see how they're doing.
Speaker 1:Obviously you should check up on them, but like to want one person to be like your entire, like spend their entire time with you, like that's just unrealistic yeah, and it's weird because you know there are some friends that you understand that they don't have other friends, but they're not as social as you, so you try to be there for them, but sometimes, like you said, they're energy vampires. They're just.
Speaker 2:You can only give so much yeah, and that's hard because fostering, there you go, that's the word I was looking for. Fostering friendships, it's about challenge, right, and now that I get her with Plants Girl, it's just mm.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, I don't know where you came up with that. That's why I was like, ah, you lost me.
Speaker 2:That's where my brain see, that's what happens with my brain the disconnect that it has between English and Spanish all the time. It's hard to live in my head, but, yeah, flustering friendships is about balance. It's hard to live in my head but, yeah, fostering friendships is about balance. It's about making time for each other, but also, like, it's a give and take, you know, and some people are more givers, some people are more takers and there's people that are just takers and you have to have, like, I saw this post on Instagram the other day that said pay attention as to how you feel after you hang out with a person. So, like, if you feel completely drained, like obviously not a good site, you know, and there's just people that bring you joy and energy and that's the people you should surround yourself with, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause no one wants to be like feeling put down or discouraged or not motivated.
Speaker 2:Have you had any long friendship? That has kind of gone bad.
Speaker 1:No per se yeah, like a falling out. Yeah, um, so I was friends with someone like to the point where I considered this person to be like family, and you know, I introduced this person to our family and all my friends and, um, the thing was I was starting to feel like she was putting me down, in a sense, like, uh, I'm trying to come up with an example, but it was just okay. Well, I was once in a situation where I didn't drive, couldn't drive, and, um, she would shame me for that. She was younger than me, so she would shame me for that. She was younger than me, so she would shame me for it. And on one occasion she didn't know that, she didn't hang up on me completely and she said to another person that was in the vehicle with her well, I don't want to invite her because then I have to pick her up and then I have to drop her off. And I felt like shit. I think anyone would feel like shit. And so I was like well, you know, that motivated me to drive and I did. I learned how to drive like within months after that happened and I got. I started moving things along faster.
Speaker 1:She ended up applying for my second job because she said that I wasn't doing more for myself, that I should have quit what I was doing and do something else. But I didn't want to do what she was doing. But she was like, at least do a part time somewhere else. So she applied, she filled out an application for me, which again something that she shouldn't have done without my consent and I ended up like going to the interview and because I didn't know what was going on, I just went. I ended up getting the job. I ended up doing two jobs, so in a way it kind of helped me. So in the end it worked out. So I didn't have anything to be like OK, well, she's horrible, she's not.
Speaker 1:But then pandemic happened and I got another job, a job where I was really unhappy and I was making way less than what I was ever making. And she was telling me like why would I want to go back to the job I had? Because it's a stupid job and I'm in my th 30s and I shouldn't be doing stuff like that. And I just felt judged. I felt judged, I felt attacked and I've never called her stupid and I feel like in any relationship relationship between your significant other or a friendship there has to be a level of respect. There should not be any disrespect and I took it as like that was very disrespectful to call me that, especially since she's done mistakes that I've never judged her on.
Speaker 1:She ends up getting married to someone who she doesn't even really know, who is not from this country, and we have warned her about these things. She ends up telling me and again, I just told her you just, you should know what you're getting yourself into. It's not a joke, it's something serious, it's something legal. But I never called her stupid, never judged her, never wronged her. She ends up canceling my phone plan so that I can join her phone plan without my consent and we're in a phone plan together now that I didn't realize at the time it was for a free phone, because if you get a certain amount of lines you get a free phone. The free phone was for her husband, my do.
Speaker 1:This person has been on my ass for like years to get a new phone. But because I don't care about new phones and flashy items. I'm not like that. I didn't care. My phone was still working and I was fine with it. But if she really wanted me to get a new phone, you would think that she would give me that phone. No, she gave it to her husband. So I didn't know. She lied to me. She said that it was her sister, that she had her sister on the line, and then she was charging me for my line and she gave me access to the account. What I didn't know is that she took away that access a month later, took that access away a month later and what I was giving her was way more To the point where she wasn't even paying anything for her and her husband. She was only paying $30 for both, for both her and her husband, and I was paying the rest of the phone bill and like, and you're and you were judging me for making for working a minimum wage job and you're over here stealing my money.
Speaker 1:I blocked this person from social media. I blocked this person from everything and once I started telling people you know, this person is not my friend, they were like, really Like, everybody was in shock, right. And then what I hated was when people were like coming out of the woodworks. I never liked this person. I was just being nice to this person. Because of you. I felt bad, not for whoever this person, like my friend was, but I felt bad for everyone else, like you, my family, all my other friends that felt the need to be in a way fake or nice to someone that they didn't really care for, but it showed that they would do anything for me. So that's my falling out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember this whole thing happening. It was infuriating to me because you know you're my family but the closest thing I have to a sister and that's just. It was just fucked up like the whole. The whole thing was just baffling to me, like how a person can just go and do that to someone else. I'm so glad that she's out of your life, though, like you're so much better without her. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So yeah, don't get me wrong Like there are times where I'm like you know cause you built that relationship, and like there are times where I'm like I don't wish her ill, don't wish anything bad, but I do like think, like I hope she's okay and I'll leave it at that, that's it. I don't make an effort to reach out, don't ask about her. I just hope she's okay and that's it.
Speaker 2:That's all you can do, really. You know, like if you reach out, they're going to be like oh yeah, well, of course she can't live without me. Because that's what narcissistic people think, right, like that you can't live without them. Or like that eventually you're going to come back to them but, no and how about you?
Speaker 1:have you had any fallen outs in your friendships?
Speaker 2:several. No, I I can only think of two major ones. Um, I had a friend for a long, long time when, when I barely moved here, I think, I met her like a year after I moved to LA and somehow we became really close, really fast, to the point where we would spend every day together. If she wasn't spending a night at my house, I was spending a night at hers. We would go out dancing, like everything, everything and everywhere we would go together. 17, like everything, everything and everywhere we would go together. And to this day, I honestly couldn't tell you what exactly happened between me and her, because we were friends for years, I think. What was it? Up until the time I was like 23, maybe, Mm-hmm yeah that's what I was doing, the math right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it was about like a good five years maybe, maybe six, that we were friends and we would, um, we would hang out, we would talk. But then it got weird because I would call her every morning on my way to work and remember where I used to live, like the whole walk that I had to do to get the bus, so my whole walk. I would call her and be like hey girlfriend, like good morning. And then I don't know why, one day I stopped talking, like I stopped calling her and she stopped reaching out. And I stopped reaching out because I just felt like every day that I would call her, like it kind of got annoying to her, and so I was like OK, well, I'm going to give her her space. And then I just never heard back from her and at that time she was talking to some guy.
Speaker 2:We had just gone to Vegas, to the what was that festival? Rock in Rio, the one that we went to, yeah, yeah. So we had just gone to Rock and real and we met up for coffee one time at the, at the same starbucks as when I went to crash your date, and we kind of talked, but it was very awkward. It felt like it was the first time meeting each other and I was just like like like do you have a problem with me, like what you know? And she was like no, no, no, it's just, you know.
Speaker 2:Like, um, you want to party all the time and I'm getting older, and at that time, girl, like we weren't even going out anymore, if you remember, like, like there was a point where we just stopped clubbing. We weren't, we were not going out. So like I was like dude, like I literally just went to Vegas to party, like I don't want to go out right now, like I'm not asking you to go out right now, like I'm not asking you to go out, like I just asked you to meet for coffee. And so she was like yeah, but like I think we're in different places and I don't know what I was like yeah, I was like 22, 23. She was like 26, maybe 27. I don't know. And so I was like OK, and then you know, yeah, because she was like a year older than me.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So like, if you want to do that, like we obviously can do other things, you know, we don't just have to do that. Like we used to go bowling, we used to go to the movies Like why can't we do that now, you know? But after that, like I think, I called her for like one more week and then, like like I told you, you know, like I was just like this is not, this is not like working out, and so I just stopped calling her and I never heard back from her.
Speaker 2:And then I think, like two years later, I had a dream with her and if you know my dreams, they're very witchy. So I had a dream about her and I remember I reached out to her and I was like hey, like I've been having dreams about you and I honestly like don't know what happened. I just want to know that you're okay and, um, like I don't know why you stopped being my friend, basically, but like I hope you're okay, like somewhere along those lines. It was a long message, I can't remember word for word and then she called me, uh, after work, and we talked for like 30 minutes and it felt like things hadn't changed and then she told me all about her man, that she was dating that one guy with the studio, like remember the jujitsu, whatever he was doing. And I was like, yeah, that's cool, you know that you met this guy, like I'm happy for you. And he's like, well, I just got here with him and hold on, so yeah.
Speaker 2:So she told me she she had just got into her boyfriend's house or whatever. And I was like, yeah, okay, well, it's nice talking to you, but, like in the conversation, I asked her like okay, well, I need to know what happened. Like I want to know. And all she could tell me is that she didn't feel comfortable going to the house where I lived anymore. Um, because you know the people I used to live with, right, the guys, yeah, of course, like they were very touchy they, but like it wasn't, like it wasn't, like she wouldn't play along, you know what I mean. Like it wasn't, from the get go, she didn't like them. It was like, as time went by, she was. She just felt like she was too good for that. That's how I saw it, right. And so when she told me that, I was like, okay, well, I get it. You know, like my living situation is not for everybody, like it was a shitty living situation.
Speaker 2:But you were on your own and you had to do what you had to do, and the fact that you did that on your own- yeah, when I would go back to my room, like literally I had to turn on my flashlight to see if there wasn't like any rats around, I would scream every night and like I had to do it, you know it was, it was just what life threw at me and I was making it work, right?
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that's what happened and I mean, to this day, the only reasonings I have from her is that the people I live with and that I wanted a party and she just wasn't down for that anymore. As time went by, I saw that she got married with this guy. You and I have speculated that they're probably not together anymore, but I don't follow any of her family on social media anymore. None of her family obviously follows me, and I know people who still see her stuff, but they don't tell me and I don't ask because I really don't care. Like at this point I care, like at this point I feel like I made an effort to try to reach out and if she never did, it's because she doesn't care right.
Speaker 2:So, but yeah, all you can do is wish them the best but I think those are lessons for both you and me to like learn to pick and choose our people, and that's probably why we both have just like 10 close friends, because you don't eat more. I think, like if you have a really good support system and really good friends around you, you don't need to have like those group of friends that are like 30 fucking 40 people, because one of them is bound to like fuck you over or something.
Speaker 1:However, some people will tell you that 10 friends is a lot. What do you do? You should only have three Right.
Speaker 2:But I mean like okay, so out of the 10, how many would you call at 3 in the morning? Out of the 10, how many would I call Like if you had an accident at 3 in the morning? Who would you call Like that you know for sure are going to be there? Four Damn see, that's more than me.
Speaker 1:Like I know two for sure, my four, because don't know that. Why the hell am I calling at three in the morning? It has to be an emergency.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think that's how you kind of measure, because you need friends for, like, obviously there's friends who you party with, there's friends who you go to brunch with, there's friends who you party with. There's friends who you go to brunch with, there's friends like that, you just hang out and do nothing. You know, like not every friendship is the same and I told you that before. Like, all of my friendships are extremely fucking different, to the point where I can't get them together in one room. I cannot put all my friends together and they talk to each other and that's never gonna happen because, like, they all have such different personalities but somehow I match with them.
Speaker 1:Really good, right, but yeah I think I've tried, but even like they'll come together for me and then that's it. I guess it'd be like my birthday and that's about it. Um, but yeah, I have a variety of friends and personalities, so I totally understand that whole meshing and sometimes like there are times where you had where you had to avoid certain groups meeting with each other, but that's like back in the day when we had like a shit ton of friends, right yeah, I tried that once.
Speaker 2:Did not go well. But yeah, babe, I mean it's good that we both have our second group of friends. I don't know how you make friends in your 30s when you don't leave your house, aka me um, why I go on boring dates.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I think the way to make friends now that we're in our 30s is just like if you meet people through work and then hopefully, like you, find a relationship there where it's like oh okay, I can trust this person outside of work and we mesh well outside of work, everything outside of work, because work is work and outside of work is different. Personal, personal life is so different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's for sure, and sometimes you get friends with benefits With the girlfriends and then in turn it gets into you know. A little beneficial for both of you. But as everything in this podcast, it's a story for next week.
Speaker 1:So next week we're going to talk about friends with benefits and what happens when you don't have a friend with benefits and you have to take care of stuff on your own.
Speaker 2:We'll finish that question next week.
Speaker 1:Yes, all right, everyone have a good day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was going to say a week, girl, because we have no idea when this is going out.
Speaker 1:You know that's valid, so have a good day, week, night, month, whatever it may be.
Speaker 2:Yes, we hope to see you here next week, whenever that is as well, and I hope you have a good night as well. All right, bye.
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