The C.H.O.D.E.S. Podcast
Two cousins, Maria and Leslie, discussing wild personal experiences in relationships, current events, and just life. We are sharing our experiences for relatability and entertainment. There will be laughs with a lot of gasps and we will also get down to the very intimate and raw details of the dating world and life lessons at every turning point.
Email us to thechodes3@gmail.com
The C.H.O.D.E.S. Podcast
You voted, we delivered!
Ever thought about doing laundry at 8 AM just to beat the heat? From washing your car manually to rocking "Jesus sandals," we cover it all. Plus, we sprinkle in some DIY remedies to keep those pesky summer bugs at bay and share plenty of relatable personal anecdotes to keep you entertained.
Curiosity piqued about the world of sugar daddy relationships? Inspired by a coworker's tales, we dive headfirst into creating a profile and navigating those initial nerve-wracking interactions. From securing LASIK eye surgery funds to maintaining personal safety with a vigilant cousin by your side, our experiences are as eye-opening as they are insightful. We candidly discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and recognizing when it's time to move on, all while maintaining respect and caution.
Hold onto your seats as we recount some wild and unexpected encounters! From surreal bus stop conversations to tense yet heartwarming moments at gas stations, this episode is packed with stories that highlight the importance of cautious kindness. We even throw in an intense Uber ride where extra safety measures were a must. As we gear up for our next episode filled with Yelp-style summer recommendations, we reflect on life's unpredictable adventures and hope our tales leave you both amused and thoughtful.
DM us your questions or tell us your story!
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Hi, welcome to Cousins Honestly, openly Discussing Everything Spicy.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1:Every time no, and I was waiting for it.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh my god.
Speaker 1:Well, you were rehearsing At this point it's part of our fucking intro. You were rehearsing your little chirps, my little bird birds.
Speaker 2:Birdy birds, how are you babe?
Speaker 1:I'm doing great Trying not to melt in this heat it's been hot since the morning.
Speaker 2:It was 89 at freaking 9 am.
Speaker 1:Dude dang, yeah well I'm looking at my temperature thing here in the house and it's 79 in here, but that sucks well, I bet it's 87 right now here.
Speaker 2:well, because your area is yeah we're 82 right now.
Speaker 1:We're 82. Beach. I was outside, I was washing my car. I went to go do laundry because I know that it's hot, no one's going to be doing that shit and I'm going to be the only retard doing it. So I was like, oh, let me go do that. So I went last night, smart Because you know what?
Speaker 2:I've noticed that Saturday afternoons, like 6, 7 pm, everybody would rather be fucking partying watching the fight watching the games or whatever. So there's no one at the laundromat. So I'm like, hmm, and I went and I was going to go in the morning morning.
Speaker 1:But I was like you know, because when people go to church, but then I tell my mom, you know what, every time I go in the morning I realize that people don't go to church trifling asses. So I was like, let me be decent and I'm going to go to the laundromat. And I did, and it was nice because there was not that many people. So I got it done and then I went to go wash my car.
Speaker 2:Every time you say you wash your car, I just think of Jessica Simpson fucking in her boots no.
Speaker 1:I was in my Jesus sandals, my Birkenstocks.
Speaker 2:Dude, I called him Jesus sandals and I was. You know, I don't have Birkenstocks, but I got the ones from Marshalls and I got a black pair when I went to Guatemala and I liked them so much that I ended up getting a brown pair, and then I went to TJ last weekend.
Speaker 1:But the brown pair look like Jesus shoes.
Speaker 2:Huh, I know they do they do and my friend she's like so you got them and you never took them off, huh, and I was like you know what? They're a different color.
Speaker 1:I feel like a damn disciple right there follow me, but they're so comfortable.
Speaker 2:But you know what my fucking feet dude? They have the burn marks. I need to like even out my feet because now they have the lines from the oh, you got a tan yeah yeah, yeah that you know can't talk illiterate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've established this well today I went to the.
Speaker 1:You know, can't talk Illiterate, right, yeah, we've established this. No, so, yeah, like I go to the. Well, today I went to the coin wash. Usually I take it to the like those little express washes where you just drive in and you know, you know what I mean. Like you go in the whole little experience while you're in the car and you see the car getting washed. But today I went to the coin one because I like to, you know, really scrub it, because those things sometimes don't even scrub your shit, and then I have all this bird crap. So I was like, let me just get down and dirty. And I did it. But there was a fucking charlotte that came out of the damn little mirror, the side mirror. I was so pissed and I was trying to kill it with the brush and it wouldn't die. And then I like sprayed it with the power of wash.
Speaker 2:So I was like, fuck you that's what I was gonna say power wash that bitch for real but yeah, oh, the damn charlotte's right now with the damn heat girl is fucking spiders ant moscas uh like everything like yeah, mosquitoes and flies translation for those of you who don't know spanish but yeah, I fucking hate it, dude. I hate it. I bought these patches that are like mosquito repellent patches.
Speaker 1:They don't work oh, I'll have to send you something. It was like a little arts and crafts thing that you basically like, I don't know, you get like these pots and you glue them together and I'll show you the video. But you put lemon is it lemon slices and lime slices, and then, um, I don't know, you melt something on it. It's like a mosquito repellent. I'll send it to you, but yeah, it's like a do it dyi. I'm sorry, I was like, let me try to remember what it is.
Speaker 1:I'm like I forgot already but oh, you put like coffee grounds in it and it's a bunch of shit.
Speaker 2:yeah it, but it was easy.
Speaker 1:I was like yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, really, I saw one that was similar, that you boil two cups of water and no a cup of water and a tablespoon of baking soda and a tablespoon of cloves, and then you add that to like a spray bottle and then you put bay leaves inside. And that's supposed to be be like. You spray it around your doors and and it doesn't let the wildlife come in, supposedly I don't know, I still have to.
Speaker 1:I listen to some of this, I try it and then if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But I tried some peppermint oil shit because supposedly the charlottes don't like peppermint.
Speaker 2:I still see that damn charlottes oh you know, my mom says that cinnamon is good for the ants. They don't like cinnamon, so you can like powder them with cinnamon and they go crazy anyways this heat right um.
Speaker 1:So I'm back on track this heat back, but did you? Did you have to go through any like suffrage during the microsoft, whatever pandemic thing that happened?
Speaker 2:oh girl, uh, the blue, the blue, I don't even know I'm calling it the Microsoft pandemic um, yeah, I did actually. So apparently my, my work, everything is connected to that, and so basically all Friday morning I couldn't, I couldn't work. I got to work and I was over here panicking because there was so much traffic. So every day I've been leaving at the same time and I get there in like 15 minutes because I've been Ubering every day.
Speaker 1:I gave up on public transportation.
Speaker 2:In the morning. Yeah, girl, because I have to get there on time, like when I come back home, it doesn't matter if I get lost, oh, which, I have a story for you. Hold on, hold on. But so I couldn't work. I got there and it was 8.30 when I got there and I was like oh my God. Oh my God, like I can't clock in because nothing worked. All the computer screens had that little blue screen that everybody in the world got and everybody was just like well, we're just sitting here, so I told my boss I'm going to go make my coffee, I'm going to get some tea when I come back, hopefully it's fixed.
Speaker 2:No girl, she's like are you bored, do you want a book? She gave me a book that she had in her desk to read, so that's what I was doing. And then I was listening to the cheese man around and they were saying how, if it went up to like four hours, that it wasn't working, that they were going to let us go. And then I was like all right, but are they going to?
Speaker 1:pay us today.
Speaker 2:You know like what's going on and like I overheard them saying that basically they were going to pay us whatever time we were there, plus two hours, and the rest was like use your PTO. And I was like oh, hell, no.
Speaker 1:First of all, you're going to pay me right. Give me my coins, Fuck you with your, my PTO.
Speaker 2:I know, because it's not like I asked for it. I know, and thankfully, though, it started working around I don't know, 11, 12. But yeah, the whole day was just kind of like that was everywhere, everywhere.
Speaker 1:Where I work, people couldn't clock in. People couldn't clock out. Where I work, like people couldn't clock in, people couldn't clock out um, like our system, where you know our cash goes into whatever, it wasn't working. But yeah, it was just chaos, chaos. And then, like my friend um, who works for one of the airlines, she said that they had like delays, people were stuck in the airport, you, some flights couldn't go out. It was a hot mess, a hot freaking mess.
Speaker 2:Oh girl, I know you're not on TikTok, but TikTok was just fucking going crazy Like people were posting videos of how it was like at the Vegas airport. It was some girl that were going. She was going batshit on the attendants. It's like it's not their fault.
Speaker 1:It was literally but it was no one's fault like it was no one's fault.
Speaker 2:Working at places you know what I mean like oh, yeah, yeah it's someone's fault, the third party that works for microsoft.
Speaker 1:Y'all know who you are.
Speaker 2:You fucked it up, yeah I don't even know who they are. Like I know my friend told me the name. I totally forgot, like I don't care enough. But dude can you imagine so? Like you know how? Now everything is a fucking qr code, right like even when you go to the doctor it's like oh, fill your fucking information with the qr code.
Speaker 1:Literally everyone, because hospitals, clinics, oh yeah, some people couldn't get surgeries done so the people they couldn't get services done.
Speaker 2:They could. The nurses could not access the patient's charts because why we moved away from paper charts. Now everything is technology, so this is just like a little taste of what's gonna happen with the world when fucking technology goes out the window like. Imagine the walking dead right in the first few seasons, where like no one could connect with each other or whatever.
Speaker 1:This is why I don't like computers. This is why they still had computers.
Speaker 2:This is why I still no, no, this is why I write my shit, this is why I still trust my coins being in my coins.
Speaker 1:I still fucking write checks, fuck. Y'all talk shit about me, but I do not like technology okay, but you still have money in the bank of america.
Speaker 2:You have checks, but like the checks, the money is from.
Speaker 1:I was like I oh sorry, but I heard, y'all couldn't get your coins. And I was like well.
Speaker 2:Well, a lot of banks, a lot of banks couldn't like Chase Bank of America. Even some credit unions couldn't get their coins. That's what I'm saying. Like the world is going in such a way that technology is taking over, like AI, for example I think we talked about this last time Like AI is scary as fuck. Like I've seen some videos on TikTok of like Ed Hardy you know, the guy that does Venom talking about like motivational quotes and people believe that it's him and it's not. It's AI-created videos. And people are like, oh my God, I never thought Ed Hardy was going to make me like, look at life this way. It's like no, you stupid dumb bitch. Like this is not real, you know. Like it's really bad, dude. And if we go into the like area of paying everything with Bitcoin or like or turning money into digital money, I don't trust any of that shit.
Speaker 2:Especially not after this.
Speaker 1:I hate computers.
Speaker 2:Anyways, oh yeah especially not after this. I hate computers anyways. Oh yeah, I know no girl, and you know how. I told you that I was last week. Uh, the last week I was in tijuana. Um, I left friday morning and I came back saturday night and I was looking at some news article or like I don't, I can't remember where I saw it that, um, the line at the border this weekend. Because of everything that happened, people obviously couldn't go through because the way to check your paper again technology, like to check your passports or whatever they were stuck in line for like over eight hours, 10 hours. Can you imagine that shit would have been last weekend? I would have been stuck at the border once again. No, I'm just kidding, I've never been stuck at the border.
Speaker 1:Maybe when you were five? No, no, I'm just kidding, I've never been stuck in the border. Maybe when you were five?
Speaker 2:no, just kidding, just kidding, but no, when I, when I came the first time with your dad, I bet that's why I said I was like how old were you five, right, no eight, oh okay, nine.
Speaker 1:Close, very close, only four years only four years.
Speaker 2:But yeah, on that note, we got the results for our polls.
Speaker 1:So you're doing your story in Rio and I'm going to do my sugar daddy story Feels like so long ago.
Speaker 2:It was long ago.
Speaker 1:It was long ago. So, for those of you that don't know me, I used to wear glasses. I've been wearing glasses since I was in second grade, so seven. I've been wearing glasses. My eyesight was very shitty, but that's not the reason why I got a sugar daddy.
Speaker 1:I got a sugar daddy because I had a coworker that she said that she was in the sugar daddy things and you know there's websites like seeking arrangements, and so I decided, ok, well, let me give it a shot. I was like, well, if she can do it, I can definitely do it. And so I was in my early 20s. That's so sad, anyways. So I was like, let me give it a shot. I made an account.
Speaker 1:She told me, basically she mentored me on how and what to put on my profile, because you don't want to come off like you need money and you don't want to be like desperate for it, and you know you don't want to put all of you out there. So you want to show them the goods, but not all of the goods, but you know enough so that they want to be intrigued, things like that. I just had a picture with literally just like from my mouth down to my, I guess chest, and then that was about it. And then I had, yeah, just showing the girls, and then other pictures just like just you know, body, no face, um, but yeah, but no, not, not nudes, guys, not not nudes. You can't put that out there. You know, um, you have to look classy too, but unfortunately when I started doing it it was, I think, the trans were getting all the business like more sugar daddies were interested in trans besties, you know, like instead of instead of like us, us women.
Speaker 1:So so yeah.
Speaker 2:How do I make this politically correct?
Speaker 1:Anyways.
Speaker 1:So I was doing all that and then I had had like three people that I was talking to on there and one he kind of seemed like interested, but like he looked like he was more sketched out about the whole thing, so I was like never mind where. The other one was more like I feel like he's already done this before and his pictures were just like his chest. So I couldn't even see how old he was really because all he saw was his chest and yeah. So I was like okay, whatever he said that we should meet in a public place I'm laughing because this is where you come in, maria. So I had I didn't want to be seen in my car because I didn't know who this person was. That's another thing. If you're gonna do the sugar daddy thing, girls, you have to be safe, always be safe. As much as it's embarrassing that you're doing all this, it's gonna be more embarrassing when people don't know and then you're gone. So, um, I had to let people know. I guess I had to let people know. So I let you know, right, maria? And I let my other cousin know and my other cousin was the one who dropped me off at this starbucks that maria was already at. I'm like laughing. It's funny the things you have to do right for my money to get my coins. And this was before, even okay, whatever. So Maria was already there, so she knew we were going to meet up there. I already told her, like you know, that my other cousin was gonna drop me off to just be on the lookout. So we get there, we have our little coffee and whatnot, and it's so awkward because I can see Maria. She's like on the booth facing out the window and she's watching us, but she has her headphones in and she's just like looking at us, acting like she's on her laptop and stuff, and um, we're just talking. He was just basically asking me, like things about me, what I like, what I don't like. Um, have I done this before? He's told me that he's done this before.
Speaker 1:He was a teacher at a college which to this day I still don't know what college and he said that, you know, because of that, he's trying to like lay low. You know, and that's why he said that he didn't put up a lot of pictures, that was just that picture, and that he wanted us to meet first and, you know, to just make sure that we're both very, you know, discreet, yeah, so we talked about that. We talked about he taught. He told me, like, what he was interested in and what he wanted out of this. So he said that for this one it was just like to meet up and stuff. So then he was like well, do you want to have dinner? We ended up eating at like a little restaurant. That was right there too. So we walked out of the Starbucks Girl. We walked out of this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I didn't know what the fuck you were doing. I was panicking.
Speaker 1:But we go in the car, basically, and maria was like walking back and forth and I think he caught on. He was like do you know her?
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't know her, but it's because you walked out of a liquor store that was there oh, it's because, like, I was looking for cigarettes, because I was like, oh my god, what do I do? Like how do I get there? And there was like a I don't even think it was like a smoke shop, and so I went in there and the guys were looking at me like this bitch, because it was. It was in the time where, like everybody was with the like it was, the vapes were starting, but it was like the hookah vapes and I was like no, I don't want that, I just want cigarettes. They're like oh god, we don't have cigarettes. And I was was like, okay, but I stayed there Because I was trying to look at you guys, because you guys were parked like almost in front of that, and I saw that he was looking at me like this. Yeah, he was staring.
Speaker 1:Because then you looked up Like, oh shit, they're in there still. And but, yeah, we went to go eat. I can't remember if he gave me money for that me money for that I think he did for just like them, for that little meat and stuff. But then after that, now that we got to know each other, he was like, well, yeah, I'm really interested in like, seeing you again, and he was good looking. He was like greek and italian or some shit like that, and he was probably in his late 40s at that time and and he looked good. He honestly looked good and yeah, right, you agree, I got lucky. I'm gonna be honest, I got lucky, anyway.
Speaker 1:So so, yeah, we decided to set up another date and we met up at dinner again and, yes, of course, eventually we ended up doing the thing you know, and it's not as bad. It was really fun, he was really, he was really good, um, and it's okay. I don't know. This is really weird when you say it out loud, like I've talked about this story to a lot of people before, so I don't know why this is getting more intense, but I get a I don't know, um, yeah, so we like fucked.
Speaker 1:There you go, we fucked. It was good he's, I'm telling you he looked really good. He was really good looking for his age, and not that age matters, but you know, he looked good as a person he was, and he was really nice and stuff. Um, and then what happens is basically like in our little meet, meet, first time date I don't know what the fuck to call it um, he basically told me how it's going to be done, because it's kind of weird.
Speaker 1:You know, how do I pay you without this being weird, right? And so he would. He just told me, like just bring a purse. Or if you don't have a purse, like wear something with pockets, you'll just find it there. And it was funny because it's true, like you know, I took the first one the first time we hooked up, like I did, I had a purse with me and you know, um, when you know everything's done, I get in the shower. When I come out of the shower and you know it's time to say goodbye or whatever, I look at my purse and I already have the cash in there and in cash. I got paid in cash.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I know, um yeah, so I just got my money and I think that after the first time I didn't take you, grandma and your mom to dinner no, after the first time you came over to like, where I was going to the gym, and we ended up going to eat you and I at.
Speaker 2:Denny's.
Speaker 1:How very romantic yeah. So we were yeah we were.
Speaker 1:I know we went out to celebrate. I know me and you. But yeah, so I got my money, we had our little dinner and then the second time, I think that's when I took you and grandma out. Yeah, so, yeah, I think so, yeah, I think so. I mean I shared my blessings but yeah, like, and then it ended up happening like three more times after that and then that's that's when it ended. But with some of that money, I used it to pay my LASIK. That's why I prefaced that I used to wear glasses, because after that whole thing, we had an incident where I lost my glasses and I was just over fucking replacing my glasses and I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna get the lasik. And I got the lasik and, you know, thanks to the sugar daddy, I was able to do that. So, yeah, that's my story with the sugar daddy. And it ended because, um, he wanted me to do some other side business and I was not interested in that side business, so he was trying to pin me off.
Speaker 2:He was trying to pin you off, girl, so I was like no, I'm not interested.
Speaker 1:But yeah it was going to be something more intense, yeah, and I was like no, no gracias. Muy amable. No, thank you, but yeah, that's my story.
Speaker 2:See, this is the thing with us. I think, like we've been stupid but also safe, because we haven't gone like over the ledge. You know what?
Speaker 1:I mean.
Speaker 2:Like like we've been kind of like right there, like should I, should I not?
Speaker 1:And they were like no cause, yeah, and everything's safe, like I think me, and you have always been cautious, like with anything extra, and like with him too. Have you been tested? And I'm like, have you been tested? Things like that? He was very safe about it too. He wasn't married. I was like man, it could have worked, but he was trying to pick me out so I was like no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what fucked him up. Yeah, because I remember you said it was good, but it sucks. Good, but at least you got some food, my eyes fixed and your and your surgery, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, that's you got lucky, because remember mine was less than yeah, no, I, yeah, I was, and you know, you and I, we were discussing about it.
Speaker 1:We're like how, like you, you never know the luck of the draw. Right, like you could have gotten. We could have both gotten something bad.
Speaker 2:But I was like, well, you know I got lucky you're lucky, I still did, yeah no, that was the only one. I only had one sugar daddy guys and so, but it was short-lived, honestly, like two months I know that, that was it yeah, that was like way longer than me, for sure I I don't think that I tried again. I think I was just like this is not for me because I, I just don't know how to pretend, you know. So my face gives me away all the time.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I just really put it that I was really lucky because I could have gotten someone that not even interested in like didn't carry a conversation. That could have been like rude and disrespectful and yeah, but he was really. He was really cautious, I think for his, his sake too, so I'm like it worked out. I don't even remember his name because on my phone I only had him as st. St, that's all.
Speaker 2:I had him as st, yeah well, that's all you need to know, really, exactly why do you need to remember them?
Speaker 1:all right?
Speaker 2:well, on that note, my story is a little more wild as per you, so I cannot remember what year this was.
Speaker 1:If you're looking for me to remember.
Speaker 2:I was like girl, I was drunk as fuck that day. No, no, no, no no.
Speaker 1:That day, the next day, the day before Wait, was that the New Year's?
Speaker 2:of. That was the year that you and I were not supposed to spend New Year's together, and somehow destiny just made it happen.
Speaker 1:But was that the New Year's that we, that we, were at someone's house? No, okay. Was it the year before? No, no.
Speaker 2:I think so. Yeah, that's a separate story in itself. You're talking about, but yeah, sorry, itself. Yeah, you're talking about no, but yeah, sorry guys. Anyway, okay, so I'm just going to, like you said, preface this by saying that there was this guy that I met in Guatemala and so he moved here and, for some reason, when he was trying to conquer me, I was not interested in him, but then when I found out that he had a girlfriend, I was like he was the love of my life, because, you know, your cousin gets obsessed, and I guess I don't know what happened. I honestly don't remember what happened that made me think of him on New Year's, but I think I ended up calling him. I can't remember. We were at Trunks in WeHo with the gays and we did like the brunch at Trunks.
Speaker 1:It was at the little western place with the little cowboys oh yeah, it wasn't Trunks, it was the cowboys.
Speaker 2:You're right. We did the brunch in weho and at this point it's already like 5 or 6 pm, something like that, and I decided to call this guy um, let's just call him a16, okay, and I don't know if I had a dream with him I can't remember what it was, but it was something that made me want to talk to him and I called them and I guess he was with his girlfriend at the time and he didn't give me the time of day, and so I got mad and I was like you know what? I need a fucking cigarette, because that's my thing, always right, like smoking.
Speaker 1:So you know it's a good hobby, whatever you guys, yeah, fairly smoking, so very, whatever.
Speaker 2:You guys, yeah, apparently this is the episode of sex in the city. Um, so I went outside because at this point we were already at trunks. That's why I remember trunks. So we were at trunks and so I went to the corner of trunks and when I tried calling him he didn't answer or he like hung up on me or something. And then our friend like went to look for me and I was like I need a cigarette and I didn't have a lighter. And so this guy walked by and I was like hey, do you have a lighter? And he gave me a lighter. And so I remember saying like you want to fucking ignore me. Watch how I get over you.
Speaker 2:And I don't know how the fuck it happened, but I just started making out with this guy. So in a sea of gay men I found this one guy. Well, I don't know, I still don't know, I still don't know. Yeah, well, well, well, we still don't know. But, um, so this is happening, and then our friend is like what the fuck? He's recording us, because of course, he always wants to have receipts.
Speaker 1:Incriminating receipts and one thing, yeah.
Speaker 2:So one thing ended up leading to another and I don't know how we ended up jumping the fence or like going inside this like residential area. It was like an apartment complex, and our friend was like what's like, what the fuck is happening, like I don't know, but he was right behind me because he was taking care of me, quote, unquote, and I guess this guy was cute or whatever. And so, long story short, we ended up fucking in the. Is it a gazebo? No, what is it called? The little?
Speaker 2:like yeah, pools yeah so it wasn't closed or anything, but somehow we felt like we will. We were sheltered there. I I can't remember because, honestly, I have bits and pieces of this story, but, um, yeah, like the memorable.
Speaker 1:Memorable part is that we ended up jumping the fence we ended up fucking in in the gazebo or whatever and it was good.
Speaker 2:I remember that sex was good. And then, because our gay friend was there, he was, like you know, looking at the guy and so I was like, come on, let him suck his dick. Oh my, oh god, I cannot Girl. This guy was like no, like, no, no, no. And I was like, come on, babe, like it's not gay if I'm here Like he's just sucking his dick.
Speaker 2:You wanted to share the love you wanted to share the love I know I was just feeling, you know, in a shareable mood, and so this is why we say we don't know if this guy was straight or not, because Well, you made him curious.
Speaker 2:He let our friend who is gay you allowed him to be curious. I don't know if that's a good thing, babe, but you allowed him to be curious. I don't know that that's a good thing, babe, but yeah, I, I felt him, I let him feel safe in his curiosity, but uh, yeah, he ended up sucking his dick, and so our friend said that that was the closest he ever had got into the vagina, which is mine because this is after he had already. I love how you couldn't even say we fucked.
Speaker 1:I know I'm like oh, excuse me, pardon me. Oh my gosh anyway.
Speaker 2:so, um, so yeah, we, I don't, I don't know like I think we get fucking after that and I think the guy left. And then our friend was trying to get me to go back into the bar, but there was a pool girl and so I wanted to get in the pool, because what do we say?
Speaker 1:When we're drunk, we gravitate to the water I don't know why, like we're mermaids or something, but we're not I don't know, fucking mermaids over here, but yeah, so our friend was like oh my. God, he was trying to pimp you out, right? He was trying to set you back to the bar so that you can get someone else.
Speaker 2:I don't remember that. I just remember that he was annoyed because I was drunk and I didn't want to get out of the pool. And I wanted to get naked and get in the pool, but again we were in this private fucking complex and he's like we got to get out of here.
Speaker 1:First of all, you guys had to jump a fence to get in there, and then now you guys have to get out. Wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah and so so. Yeah, so that was WeHo. That was my New Year's WeHo story. That was like a really short lived story, but it's a memorable one in the books because, for obvious reasons and then I don't know, we went back to Trunks and I guess we told you guys what happened and you were like bitch. But see, that's what happens when you go outside and smoke. You never know what's gonna happen?
Speaker 1:I was like we were worried because we were like we lost them, we lost them and they come back and they're like oh, we had a sexcapade no biggie.
Speaker 2:I was like well, happy new years y'all. I know I I used to have that video. I I'm pretty sure that he still has it saved. Of course you know those incriminating receipts.
Speaker 1:They keep those for life. I received one of uh. One of the fourth of july at the beach and I'm like hmm.
Speaker 2:No another one.
Speaker 1:I was like, this is probably the first one I went to, you weren't even there. You didn't go to the first time, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that's how I was like.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I was like I remember that that was my impression that I left on the Divas and forever I was theirs.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, yeah, was theirs. Oh my god, yeah. I mean those we ho days. I used to go crazy. They were fun times, but we never. We never got to experience anything like that again, even in vegas. I thought it was gonna happen in vegas and it didn't, no, no no, no, but you went to experience something else, but not us.
Speaker 2:We were chilling. This is true. Yeah, that is my we host story. You guys, I'm sorry it wasn't more, didn't have more in it, but I think what it does have the spice, I'm all. The spice is a lot. Oh man, those were the days.
Speaker 1:But see again, you know, we were young, we were crazy like we did things that sometimes we were not proud of this is not one of those times, though I was pretty happy about that. Well, I mean mine. Just you know, it was a career path that didn't work out. A career path that didn't work out.
Speaker 2:Do you think we could get sorry? She's choking on her own soul event um. Do you think we could potentially get sugar daddy's right now if we wanted to?
Speaker 1:honestly, honestly, no, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, when I was in it, it was already like that bad, because I mean, my friend that was in it she said that she was losing all her people because they were starting to get curious and they wanted to see, like what it would be like to be, you know, with a woman that had male parts, a woman that had male parts.
Speaker 2:Dude, honestly, like after talking to my ex-best friend for like a while, the things that he would tell me about guys who had girlfriends. But they were like, oh, I'm not gay, I'm just curious, you know. But they were like regulars that like hookups. It's like, hmm, I don't know that any man is man, is 100 straight, especially when they shit on gay people a lot. I'm like, hmm, what is your need to talk shit about them all the time? You know?
Speaker 1:I don't know, I think we all get like a little curious and then, like, as soon as we like, feel like it goes against whatever we want to believe or whatever, we just start freaking out.
Speaker 2:I don't know, but that's just my personal opinion yeah, yeah, I have a friend who gets super gay when she's drunk, but then she would never like actually go through with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I feel like everybody goes through a little curious phase. I thought you were going to go through one right now, but you said Girl, well, yeah you should.
Speaker 2:Should I talk about it?
Speaker 1:I had to call. I was like, hey, are you? Are you OK?
Speaker 2:Are talk about it. I I had to call. I was like, hey, are you, are you okay? Are you? Is there something you need to tell me? Like, do you have a girlfriend now? Or what bitch? That video, oh my god swear, so it stirred the pot every which way possible man, like people came out of their slumber for that.
Speaker 2:So I went to a dodgers game with a girl who I had met, like years ago, but we just never hung out. You know like it was, I don't know, like we just never hung out. And so finally I went to go to the Dodgers game. She was down. I was like, okay, let's go. And I don't know, we were talking and I had my arm around her or yeah, like I think I had my arm around her.
Speaker 2:But now because, like in a gay way or anything like that's just how I sit. You know, when I feel uncomfortable because I can't keep my arms to myself, I put my arm around whoever the fuck is sitting next to me. Like I think I was doing it to you at the concert, remember. So I put my arm around her and I don't know what she said, and I was like you know it's funny, like people don't know what she said. And I was like you know what's funny, like people think that lesbians be like hit up on me a lot. But I was like, but they don't. You know, like people think that I look masculine fucking.
Speaker 2:I don't know why, and like, but lesbians, don't hit on me. And she's like, but like are you? You know? Like, are you like?
Speaker 1:a little curious, or you know like what?
Speaker 2:and I was like, yeah, yeah, you could say, you know, like it does, I'm a little bisexual. And she's like, oh, really. And she's like so if I kiss you right now, like you'd be cool with it, and I was like so, I guess you know. And I was like are you bi? And she's like I like what I like.
Speaker 1:And I was like, okay, so, I like how you're like questioning it.
Speaker 2:So then, she just yeah. So she just fucking kissed me out of nowhere, dude, and I was like oh okay.
Speaker 1:But that wasn't in the video, that wasn't in the video. In the video it was like very innocent it was just like her giving you a kiss on the cheek or something like that.
Speaker 2:But either way, I was like, hmm, yeah, I know my cousin, because I was recording the part I was like she's curious Bitch, because I was recording the part where it's like I root, root, root for the dodgers. You know like that's the part everybody fucking posed. So I was recording that. And then I just turned the camera around and she just gave me a big old kiss on the cheek and I just smiled. You know like ha ha, I posted it, fucking, left it at that. My best friend. The next day she sends me the screenshot. She's like what the fuck, maria? Like what is this? I'm like what the hell? My other girlfriend is like hey, girl, like we need to hang out and I'm like uh, okay, but like it's like right after everybody saw the video, like they started messaging me, calling me, and they were like is there anything you need to tell us?
Speaker 1:I was with my man. I was with my man and I I think I couldn't, just I couldn't wait to just get out so I can hit you up. And I think you called me, or I don't know what happened, and I was like uh, I have a question, do you have something to tell me? Like, are you, are you going the other way?
Speaker 2:yeah, I know. And then like this girl, she just kept on kissing me, but you know how we're saying like everybody's a little curious, right. Like I know that, given the chance, I think I would. But in that scenario we were like not in the middle of the stadium, but we were in the middle of people and there were kids next to us and I don't know girl, like I just felt some type of way because I was like hmm, like I don't know that I feel comfortable, like publicly doing this. I think like if we were like I don't know, at a bar where it was dark, or like at her house or whatever, I would have gone for it. But like being in such a public setting, I don't know, I kind of like, eh, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't what I would have thought a lesbian experience to be I guess no, it's because I mean some people like it doesn't matter your sexuality.
Speaker 1:Some people don't like a public display of affection.
Speaker 2:You like public display of affection when you're with a male, but yeah which is why it kind of threw me off right, because I'm like okay.
Speaker 2:So this is how I know that I'm not gay, you know. But yeah, that was my little lesbic moment as of recent. So what? Three weeks ago, two weeks ago, yeah. But I like how everybody, even the guys dude, like the guys that I, the I used to date, or like that nothing ever happened. They were like, hey, so like, are you dating anyone? And it was that thing of like everyone wanted to know what the fuck it was, without asking what it was they were trying to address the elephant in the room and they were like nah suckers.
Speaker 1:You guys got tricked by my video. I like how everybody's so fucking pendiente of my life, though like damn, I thought y'all were ignoring me I know I haven't talked to you in like a week and I was like, hey, what happened? I was like I missed out on something. I was like, hey, I missed the last episode what happened?
Speaker 2:what?
Speaker 1:happened. I was like I just saw a quick story. Oh man, yeah, that's how I knew you, dude.
Speaker 2:I told my best friend too, because like I hadn't seen her in like a couple of weeks, and like the next day she went to pick me up to work. And she's like so, marita, like are you gonna tell me? And I was like, what do you want me to say? And she's like well, speak your truth.
Speaker 2:What is this? You know? And I was no, and I was like well, if I would have known that hanging out with another girl was gonna bring all my girls back, shit, I would have done that since the longest. I was like but look at, now all my bitches are back, or some shit like that. It's just like are you calling?
Speaker 1:me. You're like man. If I would have known that kissing a girl would have been like a big thing and it would have brought guys back. It's just like I would have done it a long, I know.
Speaker 2:I guess it wasn't in the cards just yet. But now I know An easy way to get attention, I know. But yeah, babe, in other news the other day, you know how, at the beginning of the episode.
Speaker 2:I said I have a story to tell you. The other day I was sitting at the bus stop after work and, because I can't kick out my bad habits, I was smoking. And so this guy passes by and he sees me and he's like damn, I would have never guessed that you smoke. And I was like oh. And then he's like yeah, you just look so normal. And I was like thanks. So do you Like what do you mean? He's like oh, no, no, I smoke too. I was like OK. So then he kept walking. And then he turns right back around and he's like hey, I'm, I'm brandon by the way, and I was like nice to meet you, dude, I'm maria.
Speaker 2:And then he's like hey, can I buy your phone? Like I need to make a quick phone call. And I was like, uh, sure, but you know how I always have my headphones. I I just gave him my headphones. I was like if he's going to run away with anything, it's not going to be my phone. So he made me call his dad and I used like one of my fake numbers and he's like dad, I got your paperwork, but like I'm going to take it to you so you can shred it, because they kicked me out of the program and I don't want to have it. Because have it, because I don't want you to think that I'm using it for something wrong.
Speaker 2:And I'm listening to this like who the fuck is this guy, you know? And I'm just trying not to like do any sudden movements. I'm just like I'm just gonna finish my cigarette, you know whatever. And then he's like, oh, thank you, thank you so much, right. Like like you're nice, you're, you're cool peeps, and I don't know what. And I was like, yeah, okay, cool. And then he starts talking to me, dude, and he's like you know, like I'm homeless right now and like I just want to have my queen next to me. Like I want to do better. And I was like why do you need a girl next to you to be better? Why can't you just do it on your own? You know, he's like nah, because like I need someone to motivate me. But like right the streets. And I was like okay. And he's like, but if you want to be my queen and at this point I think I started recording already, like I'll post it, so you guys can?
Speaker 2:I was like yeah, I was like the story times continue I know like I'll post it so you can hear, but like there's a lot of cars passing by, that's why I haven't posted. But I wanted to talk about it and so he was like nah, but it's like right now, like my baby mama has a restraining order against me, man, and my mom has a restraining order against me, but he's like trying to flirt with me this whole time, right, and then he says that and I was like why do they have a restraining order against you?
Speaker 1:he's like yeah, because I had, like you, it is not.
Speaker 2:So I was just like, oh, okay. And then like he's just like, all right, well, you know what, like if you ever drive by, just like pick me up, like we'll go wash your car or something. And I was like, yeah, when I have a car. And he's like, yeah, yeah, we'll go to the car wash, and I was like why do you assume that my car is going to be dirty?
Speaker 1:First off, you don't even have a car. You're like now you're assuming that it's going to be dirty. Thanks.
Speaker 2:I know, but it was such a fucking weird interaction, dude. And he's like well, I got your number right, I'll hit you up. And I'm like no, your dad has my number and and it's not even the real one. But I was like yeah, dude, okay. And then he just he walked away and he kept screaming some stuff back at me, but I didn't even turn to look at him anymore because I was like no, dude, like that's crazy I'm telling you, the other day I got um, I was at the gas station.
Speaker 1:I was putting gas on my car and, um, I was gonna go in to pay and they were closed. I don't know what happened, but some lady was next to me when I turned. It was like oh shit, and she was like hi, like do you think you can spare? Um, some gas? I need gas in my car. I just got hit, just a bunch of uh story, right.
Speaker 1:And I see a guy in her car and I'm like, like what do I do? What I do? And I'm like the only person at the gas station. I'm like and of course you know they came to me because I'm the only person and I'm like, oh my god. And then the, the thing is closed, so no one's watching. And, um, yeah, so I was just like, oh well, I don't have money. And she's like, well, I'm not asking you for money. And she was like I just need you to put some gas. She's like, okay, you know not judging.
Speaker 1:I was like they look like they were living in their car and stuff. And I was like I don't know why. But I was like, yeah, I guess just move your car over here. Because I was like I'm gonna pump it, because I'm not gonna let them fill it up, you know, or whatever, and I'm just gonna give them like five bucks, you know. So I, yeah, I just put gas in their car and then the guy started crying in the car and then the girl started crying and then I was like what the hell's going on? And they're like you were actually the one person that did it, like what's your name? And I gave her my, my middle name, I don't give my name and she was like oh, my gosh, thank you so much, and I'm going to be praying for you. And I was like, okay, and I was like the whole time, you know, your cousins, you know like in another world, they could have like easily, just, you know, if they were bad people just attacked me or whatever. But yeah, yeah, and I had, you know right.
Speaker 2:At this point, my car was on the other side.
Speaker 1:And I was like oh shit, too trusting, and I had my phone in the car because I you know why did I need it? I was like oh shit, and usually I have like something, but I'm like, oh no you know what it was like a good interaction. It wasn't like a crazy interaction, but I was like dang yeah.
Speaker 2:But whenever you watch you know like scary movies or like crime documentaries and they're like, oh yeah, like my phone will leave the room, I will fucking never leave.
Speaker 1:Your phone is always in your titties.
Speaker 2:Like never in this life will leave my phone anywhere. Like my phone is always in my titties. I literally take a shower and put it in the corner of the shower, like I do not take a shower without my phone because I don't know somebody, because I don't know somebody could break into my house, take my phone. I could call nobody. You know like I I'm paranoid as fuck, but I think like that paranoia has saved me, because I had a story like that when I used to go to ELAC, um to college. One time I got out of class and it was like 10 pm and I was like okay, well, the bus is gonna pass, I'm not gonna spend money on uber. So I was waiting at the bus stop and this fucking lady came at me with the same fucking story that you just said. Like oh, I just got hit. And like I was on my way to the hospital but like I don't have gas and I don't have my wallet, and she was like grabbing onto me and there was like four guys at this bus stop and none of them did a thing. Girl, and I was like what the fuck do I do? Cause she was like pushing me to go over to her car to see that I, that she didn't have gas. And I was like, no, you know what, it's fine.
Speaker 2:And so my like my instinct, like I had heard in a crime podcast, like if that ever happens to you, move to a place where there's cameras. So I was like I'm gonna go in there to like the to the, what, the ampm? It was an ampm, and so I was like for the cashier to see me or something. And so the guy saw and he was like like, are you okay? And I was like yeah, just, can you put like ten dollars in like this person's car? And he was like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, girl, when I like moved um from where I was standing waiting for the bus, I saw that there was this big old fucking dude inside her car. And so I was like, oh hell, no, I'm not getting anywhere near that. And so when I went inside and I told the guy to put gas, he was like, are you okay? And I was like can you just like watch me, like just pay attention that nothing's happening to me? He was like yeah, yeah, sure. And I don't know why, my stupid ass. I walked out with her and she like kept pulling me towards her car and I just kind of stopped in the middle of the gas station. I was like okay, well, you know, like I hope you guys make it to wherever you're going. So at this point a guy gets out of the car and he's like hey, do you want to go to? What is it? The hat? It was the hat that was across the street and I was like how are they inviting me to the hat if they didn't have money for gas?
Speaker 1:You know.
Speaker 2:And so I was like no, thank you, I'm good. I was like I'm actually going to go back inside to buy something. And so I went back inside and I didn't know what to do. So I ended up getting an Uber, so I didn't want to spend. I ended up spending on her because she also got a Monster and a Coke and the $ 10 of gas and I had to get an uber home. And so I told, when the uber picked me up, I could see that they were out, like on the other side of the street, and they were just like staring at me, dude. And I told the uber driver. I was like whatever you do, don't drive directly to my house. Try to lose that car if they follow us. And he asked me what? What was happening?
Speaker 1:yeah, no, that is that well mine was in broad daylight, but I'm like either way. I was like what the hell? But yeah, and I, I okay, like you do a good deed, but at the same time you're like maybe I should have been more precautious.
Speaker 2:But yeah, anyways, yeah I know right several stories, seven stories um but next week yeah next week uh, we're talking about I forgot already mariah.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, yeah. Things to do, places to do, yeah. Places to go for the summer y'all, we're gonna give you guys a little, our little what do you call it?
Speaker 2:yelp review on some places recommendations you and your area, me and my area, because we don't know where the fuck y'all be listening to from.
Speaker 1:Alright y'all, that was it. I'm sorry we took too long on this one, but have a good day or night, bye.
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